Date: Fri, 12 May 2000 22:44:19 -0400
From: DJ <djs-tale@cfl.rr.com>
Subject: forever-108-111 --with the right address

Disclaimer
----------
	This story is fiction and completely in the mind of its author.
The author makes no claims as to the sexuality or personality of
any based-on-reality characters you may find here.  It's fantasy,
kids.  Remember that.

	Don't read this story if you're too young, or if it's illegal
where you live.  Frankly, you should consider finding a new place
to live if it's illegal, cause it must be a damn boring place
where you are now.

	Enjoy!



And now...'Forever'...



Chapter 108

	"Here he is, Kev," AJ hollered behind him as I came out of the
stairwell next to him.

	"Dylan?" Kev's voice floated to me from an open door just before
the man himself stepped out.

	"Yeah, Kev, it's me," I said, my voice noticeably lacking in
energy.

	"Where've you been, sweetie?" he asked as he enveloped me in a
hug.  "I woke up hours ago to find you and Nick gone."

	"Sorry, Kev.  Just had some thinking to do, so I went to the
roof.  I guess I lost track of time," I replied.  I avoided looking
into his eyes, knowing he'd see the turmoil there.  I wasn't ready to
deal with that.

	"Did Nick go with you?" Howie asked as he came to stand beside
the three of us.  I nodded briefly.

	"He came up for a while when I first walked out.  But, he left me
alone up there before sunrise.  Said he was going to his room," I told
them.

	"Well," Howie spoke up, "he's not in his room, and his bed's
barely been touched.  So, we've found one stray and still have one to
go."

	I stared at Howie a moment, wondering if he was serious.  It
occurred to me immediately that he'd have no reason to lie about it, so
I knew that Nick really wasn't there.  One thought raced through my
head.

	"Oh hell!" I exclaimed as I ran for Nick's room.

	The door was standing open when I got there.  I quickly walked
through, my eyes taking in the details before me.

	His suitcase was still there, but the gym bag he used to haul
small changes of clothes and his personal electronics was gone.  His
Nintendo was there, which was a good sign he'd come back, but, his
laptop was gone, which was a good sign that he wasn't just out for the
day.

	"Fuck!" I yelled for no real reason other than frustration.

	"Dylan?" Kev's voice interrupted me from the doorway.  "What's
goin' on?  Why're you so mad?"

	"Nick bailed, Kevin," I replied, the frustration again evident.
"One of his bags is gone, so's his computer.  He wouldn't take that if
he was just takin' a break for a day."

	Kevin scanned the room.  His mind quickly put the details of what
I was saying together.  And he realized that I was right about the
laptop.  Nick was gone.

	"Howie.  AJ."  They both snapped to attention when they heard his
firm tone.  "Does either of you have your laptop with?" he asked.  AJ
shook his head, but Howie nodded.

	"I do, Kev," he said.  "I've been keeping in touch with De...with
a friend back home.  I needed e-mail access."

	"Good.  Go check it, see if Nick's sent you anything.  Maybe he
left a note of some kind."

	Howie left then, with AJ trailing along behind him.  I could feel
Kevin staring at me, but I refused to meet his eyes.  I knew I'd give
too much away if I did.

	"Spill, D," he said, his voice betraying some of the fear he was
feeling.

	"What d'ya mean?" I asked, trying to act nonchalant.  As
expected, it didn't fool Kevin one bit.  He knew me far too well.  He
walked over to me and used one hand under my chin to force me to look
into his eyes.

	"You know what's goin' on, Dylan.  Now tell me," his voice was
firm, even a little angry.

	We stared each other down for a minute.  I was fighting an
internal struggle, debating back and forth how much I should tell Kevin
about what'd happened between Nick and I.  His eyes softened a moment
later, and I saw the true depth of fear he was feeling.

	"Please, D, what's goin' on?  Please, tell me," he pleaded with
me.

	I broke.  There was no way I could continue to withhold anything
from him.  Even if I wanted to.

	"Where's Nick, Dylan?"

	"I don't know, Kev," I whispered, looking into his eyes.  "We
talked.  Some things got said.  He left.  He told me he was coming back
to his room.  That was it."  I tried to play the incident down, but he
wasn't buying it.  He shook his head after studying my face.

	"No, D, that's not it.  Something happened between you, something
that's got you hiding and Nick vanishing.  Please," he was near-begging
again, "please tell me what happened."  I sighed, unsure where to
begin.

	"I woke up in the middle of the night," I began, speaking slowly
as I built everything up in my head.  "Well, Nick woke me up,
actually."  Kevin didn't say anything, just stared deeply into my soul
with those penetrating eyes of his.

	"He was...that is he...he was...touching me...um...REALLY
touching me," I faded for a second when I saw the questioning look in
Kevin's eyes.  It was quickly replaced by anger.

	AJ and Howie chose that minute to come walking back in the room.
Kevin didn't even acknowledge them.

	"Get out," was all he said.  His tone brooked no argument, and AJ
and Howie immediately retreated to the hallway.  "Talk," he said to me.

	"I was sleeping.  He started putting some moves on me.  When I
woke up and realized what was going on, I jumped out of bed.  Frankly,
I'm a little surprised you slept through it."  He didn't acknowledge
what I'd said, just bored his eyes deeper into me.  I wanted to look
away, to break the hold he had over me.  But, I couldn't.

	"I put on some sweats and headed for the roof.  A few minutes
later, he showed up there, too.  We argued for a bit..." I trailed off
here.  For some reason, it'd been easier to tell Kevin about Nick
making a move on me in bed than it was to explain WHY he'd done it.

	"And?" Kev said, giving me a small shake for emphasis.

	"Kev, please, it's not," I began, but he cut me off.

	"TELL ME!" he practically shouted, shaking me again with more
force.

	"FINE!" I hollered back, my own anger raising at how he was
forcing the issue.  "Nick decided to tell me that he's been in love
with me for months, ok?  Are you HAPPY now?!" I spit it out.  That took
the wind out of him.  I heard a sharp breath from the hall, indicating
AJ and Howie had heard, too.

	"What?" he gasped.

"You heard me just fine, Kev," I said, shaking his hands from me
and walking to the window.

	"But, Nick's not gay.  Hell, he's not even bi that he's ever
indicated," Kevin said.

	"Well, you're no more surprised about it than I was," I replied,
my voice softening, the flash of anger fading.

	"But...how?" he wondered.

	"I asked him the same thing.  He just said he didn't know.  That
he'd noticed the feelings after that night you were sta..." I choked
for some reason.  "That night you were stabbed."

	"Did something happen that night?" he asked.  My head snapped
around, stunned that he'd even ask me that.

	"Yeah, Kevin, I lost my mind.  My heart got torn still beating
from my chest by a group of hate-filled, mindless thugs.  Nick helped
me put it back in again, so I decided to thank him with a quick fuck!"
I sneered, tears forming in my eyes.

	"I'm sorry, D," he apologized, moving towards me.  "I didn't mean
it like that.  I just wondered if he gave you any indication of
anything then."  I shook my head.

	"No, nothing.  Although, even if he had that night, I'd never
have remembered it."  I paused, letting memories take me back again.
"You don't know what I was like that night, Kevy.  I forgot who I was,
I forgot how to talk.  I just...died inside."

	He wrapped me in his strong arms, then, letting me relax against
him.  I was fighting off the memories of that time, trying to push them
back down into that corner of my mind where I kept them hidden, locked
away.  His strength and warmth helped me do that one more time.

	"Did anything else happen with Nick, D?  Last night, I mean?
Anything that might give us some clue where he's gone."

	"No, Kev.  Like I said, after he told me that, and we talked a
bit more, he said he was going to his room.  I stayed behind, trying to
figure out what the hell I was gonna do.  I didn't come down again
until you guys saw me a little while ago."

	Kevin sighed against my skin as he held me.  I could tell he was
torn about all of this, just like I was.  Nick was like a little
brother to him, someone he looked out for and cared a great deal about.
And now, Nick had confessed he was in love with Kevin's boyfriend.

	"Kev," I whispered.

	"Yeah?" he replied, his voice sounding tired.

	"Promise me you won't be mad at him.  He's gonna need your...your
understanding through this.  The fact he took off tells me he's afraid
of what's gonna come next, at least in some small way.  He needs to be
able to look to you to help him through this."

	"I can't promise that, D.  But I'll try.  That's all I can give
you right now," he whispered.

	"Kev," I began, but he cut me off.

	"No, Dylan," he said, his voice once again firm.  "Nick may have
feelings of some kind for you, but that doesn't give him the right to
act on them.  Or to just run away from us rather than face things.
I'll try to be there for him, like I always have, but I can't guarantee
anything."

	I stared at him for a while before finally nodding, accepting
what concession I could get from him.  I knew it was a little unfair,
and maybe unrealistic, of me to expect Kevin to help Nick come to terms
with things.  But, I also knew that Kev was one of the few that Nick
would possibly turn to in a crisis, even if that crisis revolved around
Kevin himself.

	"Kevin?" Howie's voice was tentative, afraid to interrupt,
obviously.

	"Yeah, Howie?" Kev answered, staring at me another second before
turning away to acknowledge him in the doorway.  I turned away and
stared back out the window.

	"Nick didn't send me anything.  Maybe Brian?" he offered.

	"Maybe," Kev said.  "But we won't know until Brian gets back
tonight.  I doubt he's paying much attention to e-mail or such today
since he'll be travelling."

	I tuned them out, then.  They continued to talk, but I was
starting to fade.  I hadn't slept most of the night, and the little
melodrama this morning revolving around Nick's disappearance just made
things worse.  I leaned my head against the window and just closed my
eyes.

	"D?" Kev's voice brought me out of my zone some time later.

	I turned around to see that AJ and Howie were again gone.  Kevin
was standing just behind me, staring at me with some concern.

	"You ok, sweetie?" he asked.  I was glad to have him call me
sweetie.  It meant that maybe the tension between us earlier had faded.

	"Just tired, Kev.  Didn't exactly sleep well last night," I
replied, unable to stifle a yawn.

	"Come on, let's get you to bed," he said, sliding his hand down
to take mine before leading me out the door.

	"What `bout Nick?" I asked as we walked down the hall.

	"There's not much we can do at the moment, D.  We'll just have to
wait and hope he contacts us.  And hope he doesn't do anything rash,"
he said softly just before pulling me inside our room for a much-needed
nap.



Chapter 109

	I came awake abruptly a few hours later to find Kevin staring at
me.  His face was blank, giving away no emotion.  That look alone told
me something was wrong.

	"What?" I asked.  "What's wrong?"

	"Nothing," he replied, his tone clipped.  He turned to look back
at some papers he had on the table.

	"Kevin, what's wrong?" I asked again, my voice betraying none of
the apprehension I felt inside.  He turned to stare at me, examining me
in detail before answering.

	"You were calling Nick's name," he replied, his voice devoid of
any feeling.

	"What?"  I didn't remember what he was talking about.

	"You heard me, Dylan.  Just now, when you were sleeping, you were
calling Nick's name," he replied before turning back to the papers.

	"So?" I wondered, unsure why it was an issue.  He turned back to
me with a look of anger on his face.

	"Dylan, you were CALLING NICK'S NAME in your sleep!  And it
didn't sound like calls of concern.  They sounded like," he cut himself
off then, but I didn't let it die.

	"Like what, Kevin?  Like Nicky and I were havin' a little
`private couch session'?"  I asked, sarcasm thick in my voice.  He
didn't say anything, just continued to stare at the papers.

	I couldn't believe what he was insinuating.  I'd thought we were
beyond these doubts about each other and our relationship.  I stood
from the bed, walking over to the table.  When he didn't acknowledge
me, I grabbed his arm and yanked him to a standing position in front of
me.  I put my hands to his face and forced him to look at me.

	"Kevin, answer me.  Do you doubt me like that?  Do you truly, in
your heart, believe that I want to do that?  Or that I'm even capable
of doing that?"

	I was very serious on the outside, but internally, I was praying
he had the right answer.  He just stared at me a moment before finally
sighing.

	"No, D," he whispered.  "I know it's not like that.  I'm sorry,
it's just this whole thing has me freakin', ya know?"  I breathed my
own sigh of relief before answering.

	"I know, Kevy," I spoke softly, stroking his firm cheekbones with
my thumbs.  "Believe me, I'm freakin' a bit, too.  But, I would never
do that to you.  To us."

	"God, Dylan, I know," he replied.  "It's just..." he faded out
before looking away.

	"What, Kev?" I asked, nudging his eyes back to mine.  "What is
it?"

	"You're so close to Nick, D.  If it'd be anyone that you'd leave
me for..." he trailed away again.

	"Kevin, I will not ever leave you." I said, my voice firm and
strong, letting him know my conviction.  "Nick...he's like the brother
I always wanted.  Someone I can hang out with, someone I can talk to,
and someone I don't HAVE to talk to in order to spend time together.
But, that's it.  I do love him, but it's a love that is purely
platonic, and frankly can't even compare to what I feel for you."

	I studied his eyes a moment before leaning in to kiss him.  Our
lips met in the most gentle of touches.  I left it to him to deepen it
if he so chose.  And he did.

	Within moments, we were back on the bed.  We weren't making love,
at least not in AJ's `wild monkey sex' type of way.  But, we were
definitely expressing our love through kisses, touches, whispered
words.  For a while, nothing existed outside of Kevin and me.

	A knock at the door brought us both back to reality.  Kevin
kissed me one last time before pulling himself away.  Brian entered our
room when Kevin opened the door.

	"Hey, cuz," he said, his accent more pronounced after spending
time visiting family and friends back home.  "What's up?"  He noticed
me on the bed.  "Did I...interrupt?" he asked, a knowing smirk on his
face.  I sighed before standing to greet him.

	"Not exactly," I replied somberly, giving him a brief hug, which
he returned.

	"What's wrong?" he asked, obviously picking up on my mood.

	"Nick kinda disappeared, Bri," Kev said.  "We were actually
hoping you might've heard from him."

	"No, I haven't.  But I didn't have my cell on, and I haven't had
time to check for messages or e-mail today.  What happened?"  The
concern in his voice was obvious.  Kev turned to me, asking my
approval.  I just nodded.

	"You may as well tell him, Kev," I said.  "He's gonna find out
anyway.  I'm pretty sure AJ and Howie overheard you and I...talking
earlier."  Kev nodded once before looking back to Brian.

	"Nick made a pass at Dylan last night," Kev said.  I could tell
by his tone that he was still angry about it, but he did seem to be
trying to stay calm.

	"Oh," Brian said.  The tone in that "oh" made me snap my head
around to look at him.

	"You knew," I said, stating a fact, not asking a question.  Brian
nodded.

	"Nick talked to me about it once while you guys were gone.  He'd
gotten a little drunk that night partying.  I guess it just slipped."

	"Why didn't you say something?" Kev asked.

	"What should I've said?" Brian asked in reply, turning a look on
his cousin.  "'Gee, Kev, Nick thinks he's in love with your fiance.'
How would you've reacted to that?"

	"Probably exactly like you did this morning when I told you," I
said softly, causing both sets of eyes to shift to me.

	"Exactly," Brian agreed.  "There wasn't much point to telling
you.  And, I didn't want to say anything to Nick just in case it was
nothing more than a drunken rambling.  I didn't want him embarrassed by
what he'd said.  I figured if it were true, he'd bring it to me sooner
or later."

	"I don't think he intended on anything happening, Brian," I said.
"We all fell asleep in here watching a movie.  I think he probably woke
up during the night and just..." I let the statement die off.  I knew
it didn't need to be completed.

	"And I wasn't around to talk to, and now he's gone," Brian summed
things up.  Kev and I both just nodded.

	"Well," Brian continued, "let me check my messages and stuff and
see if he's left any info for me.  I doubt he did, but it's worth
checking."

	"That sounds good, Bri," Kev said as Brian turned to leave.  "Let
us know if you find anything."

	"Will do," Brian said, and then he was gone.

	"Our lives are way too twisted, D," Kevin said once the door had
shut again.

	"Well, Kev, if I'm complicating things too much, I could always
leave," I said, a lame attempt at a joke.

	Kev walked quickly over to me, pulling me to him with one hand
while placing the other against my face.  His eyes were burning,
fierce.  I was surprised at the fiery response to what I'd said.

	"Do not even JOKE about that, Dylan Weston," he said, his voice
quiet, but harsh.  I could almost see tears in his eyes.

	"I'm sorry, Kev," I whispered, reaching up a hand to lay over his
on my face.  "I didn't even think before I said it."  He just nodded
and eased his grip slightly.

	I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder.  I felt both
of his arms slide around my waist, holding me loosely against him, but
with enough force that I knew I couldn't walk away if I wanted to.
But, I didn't want to, anyway.



Chapter 110

	The ringing phone brought me from a sound sleep.  I had the
unfortunate luck of being on the side of the bed nearest the phone, so
Kevin didn't even move to get it.  I fumbled around in the dark before
finally finding the receiver.

	"Hello?" I asked, the fact I'd been asleep moments before totally
obvious in my voice.

	"Dylan?"  I couldn't place the voice, although I knew I should
recognize it.

	"Yeah?"

	"Dylan, wake up!  It's Lindsay," she said, speaking louder to
force me out of my `coma'.

	"Yeah.  Yeah, hi...Lindsay...yeah.  Um...what's up?  Why're you
callin' so early?"  I looked over at the clock and saw it was 3:00am.

	It'd been three days since we'd seen or heard from Nick.  All of
the guys were worried about him.  No one wanted to call his family yet
to see if they had news, though.  They didn't want the Carters worrying
until it was absolutely necessary.

	Kevin and I had been feeling the strain the hardest.  He was
taking a lot of blame for the whole incident on himself.  He felt
responsible, like he should've known what was happening with Nick.  I
tried to point out that he'd been in the hospital for the last two
months, but that didn't seem to phase him.

	I, too, felt a certain degree of responsibility, not only for the
fact that I didn't know what Nick was going through, but also for the
fact that I hadn't figured out his plan to bail before he'd left.  If
Nick and I were such good friends, I felt like I should've known more
about what was on his mind.

	Kev and I argued a number of times, mostly over trivial and
unimportant things.  The stress just kind of got to us every now and
then, as happens to all couples.  We always apologized, then spent time
making out to reinforce the apologies.  I was becoming a real believer
in the concept of makeup sex.  I tuned back in to Lindsay.

	"I was wondering if you'd talked to Nick lately," she said, her
voice a little tentative.

	"No, Lindsay.  I told you what happened when you and I talked on
Sunday night.  Nick disappeared that morning, and he hasn't let anyone
know what happened to him.  The guys're considering having The Firm
hire a private investigator."

	"Well..." she began, the hesitated.  "I shouldn't be telling you
this, but...well..."

	"Lindsay, it's like the middle of the damn night here.  I'm too
tired to jerk around, so just spit it out.  What's going on?" I asked,
getting a little short with her.

	"Dylan, Nick's here," she finally said.

	"What?" I exclaimed.  I sat straight up in bed.  "What d'ya mean
Nick's there?"

	My words finally reached Kevin, who'd been lightly dozing next to
me since the phone rang.  He immediately sat up next to me, even going
so far as to reach for the phone before I waved his hand away.

	"He just kinda showed up on Monday morning, and he's been staying
at my place ever since.  He won't talk about why he's here.  Actually,
he barely talks at all.  He just sits around the house, watching TV or
petting Joey," she said.  I could tell she was concerned by the tone of
her voice.

	"Does anyone know he's there?  Has he talked with his family or
anyone else?" I wondered.

	"Not that I know of.  He might've called when I was at work last
night.  Or tonight, I guess," she speculated.  "But, the way that he's
acting, I really doubt it.  He's hiding from something."

	I hesitated then.  I hadn't filled Lindsay in on the details
about why Nick had left.  I'd just let her believe that Nick had left
for his own reasons.  I didn't feel right about `outing' Nick like that
to people outside the band.  Even someone as close as Lindsay.

	"I assume he doesn't know about you calling us?" I asked.

	"No, of course not.  The first thing he did was make me promise
not to call.  Actually, he specifically told me not to call YOU," she
said, a puzzled note in her voice.  "But, I don't know what to do about
him, Dylan.  He's so...gone."

	"I can imagine," I said.  I stopped to think a minute,
considering my options.  I quickly came to a decision.

	"Lindsay, don't say anything to him.  I'll catch the first flight
that I can arrange," I told her.  I felt Kevin stiffen next to me.  I
slid a free hand under the sheet, making contact with his leg.  I gave
his thigh a gentle squeeze, trying to reassure him.

	"Are you sure that's a good idea, Dylan?" Lindsay was asking.
"Like I said, he seemed pretty specific about not wanting YOU anywhere
around."

	"I know, Lindsay, but I'm the only one who can help him get
through what he's dealing with right now."

	Kevin slid away, standing from the bed and padding over to his
suitcase.  He slid on a pair of shorts and walked out onto the deck.  I
couldn't tell what specifically he was thinking, but I had a pretty
good guess.

	"Alright, Dylan.  I'll keep it under wraps," she said.

	"Thanks, Lindsay.  I do appreciate it.  And I promise that I'll
explain as much as I can when I get there.  Just keep Nick there, ok?"

	"I'll do my best," she said.  "Listen, I've gotta go.  My break's
about over.  Are you gonna need me to pick you up at the airport?"

	"No," I told her.  "I'll pick up a rental car.  Just expect me
some time today.  If I can't make it, I'll call you."

	"Ok, sounds good.  See ya soon," she said, and then she was gone.

	I hung up the phone, considering what to do next.  I immediately
realized there was nothing to consider.  Kevin was obviously bothered.
My plane reservations could wait.

	I slid from the bed, stopping a moment to grab a pair of shorts.
I pulled them to my waist as I stepped over to the patio door.  I slid
it open, revealing Kevin standing there with his back to me, leaning on
the railing and gazing out on the world.

	"Kev?" I asked softly, tentatively.  I moved over next to him,
resting a hand against the warm skin of his back.  I was a little
relieved when he seemed to press back against it.

	"Don't go, D," he said, his low voice almost inaudible in the
night air.

	"Kev, I have to.  Nick's my friend.  He needs me," I said.

	"Let Brian go, D," he said.  "Why does it have to be you?"

	"Kev, you and Brian and the rest of the guys have to be in the
studio.  I'm the only one who's free," I pointed out, hoping that he'd
buy the excuse.

	"Dylan, that's bull and you know it," he said, finally turning to
face me.  "I'm the only one really tied in at the studio that heavily.
The others need to be there for some stuff, but not anything that
couldn't wait a day or two.  Brian could go."

	"Why does it matter so much if I go?" I wondered.

	"Because I don't want you near Nick right now, ok?" he hissed.
"Because he tells you he loves you, and now you're leaving me to go
comfort him.  And because I'm jealous as hell, alright?"

	He turned away, pushing past me and walking back inside.  I stood
there for a minute, trying to figure out what I should say to him.  I
finally gave up figuring things out and just walked inside after him.

	"I thought you trusted me, Kev," I said, speaking softly to keep
any accusations from my tone.  "I thought you understood how I felt."

	"I do, Dylan," he said, frustration obvious in his voice.  And a
little fear.  "But that doesn't make it any easier.  Just because my
mind understands, doesn't mean my heart is ok with you leaving."

	He seemed to...diminish a little then.  He dropped into a sitting
position on the bed, resting his head between his hands.

	"I don't want you to go, D," he whispered.  "I want you to stay
here.  When you're not here...things aren't right.  I'm not right."

	"Kevin," I began, not sure where his feelings were coming from,
"this isn't like you.  What's going on?"

	He didn't say anything for a minute.  He just stared at the
floor, breathing deeply.  I realized a second later that he was crying.
I quickly sat next to him, wrapping him in my arms.

	"I'm...I'm scared, D," he whispered against my neck.  "Ever since
I got outta the hospital, I've been scared.  Scared of something
happening to me...or worse, to you.  Scared somehow I'm gonna lose you.
When you were in Tampa last week, and I was on my own, I couldn't
sleep, I barely ate anything.  All I could think about was getting on a
plane and coming to you."

	"But," he sighed, "I couldn't.  I couldn't leave with so much to
do.  Luckily, you got back before things got too bad."  He shifted back
to look me in the eye.

	"And now you're gonna leave again.  And, to make matters worse,
you're leaving to go be with Nick," he said.  I started to speak, but
he held a finger to my lips to silence me.  "I know, you're not going
to BE with him, but it doesn't make it that much easier."

	"Oh, Kev," I whispered before leaning in to give him a gentle
kiss.  I could taste the wetness of his tears on my lips.

	"Believe me, love," I said when we'd separated.  "I definitely
know where you're coming from.  And," I hesitated before continuing,
	"I'll make you a deal.  I hop a flight to talk to Nick."  I felt him
stiffen, but I held a hand to his face, soothing as best I could.

	"And," I quickly spoke before he could say anything, "I book a
return flight for today.  With or without Nick, I come back to you
tonight."  He searched my eyes.

	"Promise?" he asked, pleading.

	"I swear to you on everything I hold most dear.  I will be back
with you tonight," I promised again.  "And tomorrow, we're gonna see
about finding a counselor to talk to.  For both of us to work out some
things."

	He stared at me a moment, searching my soul for confirmation.  I
opened up as much as I possibly could, letting him see the love I felt
for him, and the determination I had to come back to him.  He finally
nodded.

	I stood up, then, taking his hand to pull him up beside me.  I
slipped his shorts off, quickly following them with my own.  I ushered
him into bed and slid in after him.

	I did take a minute to call the airline and book a flight.  I
made sure to book a return flight that evening as well.  Kevin kept
himself wrapped around me as much as possible while I spoke quickly and
quietly with the airline attendant.

	When that call was made, I lay back down with him.  He rested his
head on my chest and wrapped his arms and legs around mine.  We didn't
say anything.  We just lay there, holding each other until we both
drifted back to sleep.



Chapter 111

	I practically sprinted through the Tampa airport several hours
later.  My plane arrived late, cutting into what short time I had on
the ground here.  It was already near 1:00pm, and I was scheduled to
fly back out of Tampa at just after 7:30.  That didn't leave much time
to grab a rental and beat it to Lindsay's house.

	I managed to get a minor miracle at the rental car counter.
There was no line, and the person waiting on me at the counter was
fast, efficient, and friendly.  I hadn't had all that much luck in
Tampa in the past.  I was glad that changed this trip.

	I pulled out of the airport in record time, dodging traffic and
generally being a nuisance to my fellow drivers.  But, I felt like I
had an excuse, even if no one would agree with me.  I had a friend that
needed me, and I was willing to risk a few middle-finger salutes for
him.

	I had no idea what I would say to Nick when I got there.  I'd
been going over and over things in my head for the entire flight from
LA.  And I had nothing to show for the headache.  Fortunately for me,
the drive to Lindsay's house was far too hectic to allow my mind to
wander back to Nick for longer than a few seconds.

	I pulled up in front of Lindsay's house.  I was tempted to park a
block or two away, simply to avoid Nick spotting me.  But, I thought
that might be going too far.  He wouldn't have anywhere to go once I
got in.

	To my surprise, the door opened just as I reached it.  Lindsay
was there, making a motion for me to be quiet.  I stepped inside,
wondering what she was about.

	"Nick's still upstairs," she whispered.

	"He's still sleeping?  It's like 2:00!" I exclaimed, also trying
to whisper.

	"I told you, Dylan.  He's been totally down since he got here.
He just spends his time laying around," she said.  I knew now why she
was so worried.

	Nick was never what I'd consider an over-active guy.  But, for
him to stay in bed the entire day, something had to be up.  This was
especially true when he didn't have Nintendo or some means of occupying
his time.   While he didn't work out or anything, Nick did have a lot
of `nervous energy'.  Too much time in one place and he'd get fidgety.

	"I thought it might be easier for you to talk to him up there
rather than down here," she continued.

	"You're probably right.  I don't know how much he's ready to
share with someone else," I whispered, trying not to hurt her feelings.
To my relief, she seemed ok with that.

	I turned and made my way upstairs.  I knew Nick would be in
Joey's room.  I assumed since the dog hadn't greeted me when I came in
that Joey was in his room, too.  I walked up to the door and tapped
quietly.  I waited a moment, got no answer, and decided to just walk
in.

	Nick was on the bed, apparently sleeping.  He was on his side,
facing the door.  He looked so peaceful that it was hard to believe the
turmoil he was going through.  Joey was on the floor near the door,
just watching.  His tail started going when he saw me come in, but he
didn't jump up on me to say hello.  I was a little relieved by that.

	I quietly closed the door behind me before walking over to the
bed.  I sat down as carefully as I could, not wanting to freak him out
too badly by disturbing him.  I gently placed a hand on his shoulder
and shook him.

	"Mmmm...go `way," was his grunted reply.  He turned on his side,
facing away from me.  I shook his shoulder again, this time saying his
name.

	"Mmmmm...Dylan," was all he said this time.  Judging by the tone,
he was having a dream about me.  And it was probably a pretty good
dream, too.  I got a bad feeling in my gut and just decided to go for
the heavy-handed approach before he said anything else.

	"Nick," I said in full voice as I shook him again, "wake up!"

	That brought him out of his sleep.  His eyes opened, and I could
tell by the look on his face that he had, in fact, been dreaming about
me.  The blush in his cheeks a second later confirmed my suspicions.

	"Dylan?" he wondered.  "What the hell're you doin' here?"

	"I might ask you the same question," I said, avoiding the obvious
implication of Lindsay telling me.  I didn't want Nick focusing on her
at the moment.  As it was, he just stared at me, not responding at all.

	"Nick," I began, trying to coax him out.  "Why'd you leave like
that?  Why didn't you stay so we could work things out?"

	"What could we work out, Dylan?" he asked.  His voice sounded so
hopeless.  It was not like the Nick I'd always known.

	"This!" I said.  "You...me...your feelings...what we do now."

	He abruptly sat up in bed, sliding back against the headboard.
He pulled his legs up tight to his chest and wrapped his arms around
them before resting his forehead on his knees.  I could hear him taking
a few deep breaths.

	"There's nothing to work out, Dylan," he whispered.  "I'm in love
with you.  I can't change that.  And I can't stay around you," he
paused, his voice choking a bit.  "I can't stay around you and Kevin."

	"Nick," I started to speak, but he cut me off.

	"No, Dylan.  It's bad enough having to watch the two of you
together.  It's bad enough, knowing how I feel and how you can never
return that.  But...knowing that I did this to Kevin...I mean..." he
trailed off.

	"Nick, you didn't DO anything to Kevin," I said softly.

	"Yes I did, Dylan!" he exclaimed, looking up again briefly.  My
heart caught at the lines of tears on his face.  "I fell in love with
his fiance.  With the one person in the world that Kevin loves more
than any other.  What I did betrays his trust in me...betrays him..."
his voice failed again.

	"Nick," I sighed.  "You didn't betray Kevin.  You didn't choose
to feel the way you feel.  It's not your fault that you...that this
happened."

	He just laid his head back down and ignored me then.  I sighed,
sitting back and trying to figure out what to do.  I'd never been in a
position quite like this before.

	When AJ'd made his move on me all those months ago, it'd been
pure sex, and it was something that he'd admitted was wrong.  But, with
Nick, what he was feeling wasn't wrong.  It wasn't BAD to feel love.
Unfortunately, he was feeling it for ME, and that definitely caused a
problem.

	"Nick," I began again.  "Are you sure about this?  About how you
feel I mean?"  His head snapped up immediately, an angry look on his
face.

	"Christ, Dylan, of course I'm sure!  I wouldn't have even THOUGHT
of telling you that if I wasn't sure.  I knew what would happen if I
said something like that!"  His voice was tight and filled with
emotion.

	"I may be young, but I do know what it's like to feel love, ok?
When a person's the first thing you think about in the morning, and the
last thing you think about at night.  When a person's smile can make
your entire day, even if it only lasts for a second.  When a person's
sadness makes you want to move heaven and earth to take that sadness
away.  When your happiness is totally tied up in the happiness of that
person...that's what I think is love."

	I sat back again, stunned.  He'd told me he loved me before, but
I'd never really connected to the fact he actually FELT all of that
about me.   I was basically speechless.

	"I told you I loved you because I do.  And, knowing what came
next, I left," he said.  That statement caught my attention.

	"What came next, Nick?" I wondered.

	"Kevin finds out," he said.  He gave me a knowing look then.
"You would've told him, Dylan.  I know you too well.  You wouldn't be
able to keep it from him."  I just hung my head.  He was right, which
was evidenced by the fact that I'd told Kevin less than an hour after
we found Nick missing.

	"Kevin would've found out, then gone ballistic.  He and I
would've said things...things that would hurt not only him and me, but
you, too.  You'd have been stuck in the middle between the two of us,
and that wasn't fair to you."  He paused, taking a deep breath.

	"Besides, I couldn't stand the thought of the look on Kevin's
face when he found out what'd happened.  No matter what you say, he'd
have felt like I betrayed him," he said, the tears starting to slide
down again.  "And I couldn't stand the thought of him looking at me
like...like someone he hated or couldn't trust.  Anyone else, maybe,
but not him."

	I stopped to consider what he'd said.  Maybe he'd been right to
leave.  Maybe this was an example of `discretion being the better part
of valor', allowing him to retreat a bit to prevent what could've been
a pretty bad confrontation.

	"So, what now, Nick?" I wondered.  "You're in love with me.
You've left the group.  What do you do now?"

	"I don't know, Dylan," he whispered after a brief pause.  "I
don't have any answers."

	"Then come back with me, Nick!" I urged him, putting a hand on
his arm to squeeze it in emphasis.  "Come back to LA and work this
out."

	"I can't, Dylan," he said, again looking defeated.  "I can't face
Kevin...I can't face YOU and Kevin."

	"You just gonna hang out in Joey's room for the rest of your
life?" I asked, unable to prevent a note of sarcasm from creeping in.
"What about the group?  What about the other guys?  Are you gonna just
walk away from Backstreet?  Over me?"

	He didn't answer me.  The silence in the room grew longer.  All
that I could hear was his harsh breathing and the beating of my own
heart.  I was saying a little prayer in my head that he'd answer me.  I
eventually gave up on that.

	"Fine, Nick," I sighed, standing.  I walked over to the door and
placed my hand on the knob.  "Remind me to thank you one day for
allowing me to destroy five lives without even lifting a finger.  I
really do appreciate the experience," I whispered, then walked out.


To be continued...