Date: Sun, 14 May 2000 14:40:48 -0400
From: DJ <djs-tale@cfl.rr.com>
Subject: Forever 115-116

Disclaimer
----------
	This story is fiction and completely in the mind of its author.
The author makes no claims as to the sexuality or personality of
any based-on-reality characters you may find here.  It's fantasy,
kids.  Remember that.

	Don't read this story if you're too young, or if it's illegal
where you live.  Frankly, you should consider finding a new place
to live if it's illegal, cause it must be a damn boring place
where you are now.

	Enjoy!



And now...'Forever'...



Chapter 115

	I lost track of how long we all stood there.  It could've been
seconds.  It could've been hours.  The time just seemed to stretch as
we all stood frozen, looking at one another.

	Nick stood in the hallway, staring in at me.  Kevin stood at the
door, his gaze locked on Nick.  And I just stood in the doorway of the
balcony, my eyes also locked on Nick.  A cool breeze shifting across
the wine spilled on my foot finally snapped me out of the trance.

	"Kev," I said.  He didn't respond.  I couldn't tell what he was
thinking at the moment.  He had his back turned on me for the most
part, so I couldn't read his face.

	"Kevin!" I said with more volume.  That got him to turn and look
at me.  "Let him in.  And could you get me a towel, please?"

	I could see by the look on his face that he was feeling some
conflict about letting Nick in the room.  I saw anger there, mixed with
fear and frustration, warring with relief.  He finally sighed, nodded,
and raised an arm to Nick to motion him into the room.

	"Thanks, Kevin," Nick said very softly.

	Kevin didn't say anything in response, just turned to walk into
the bathroom and grab me the towel I asked for.  Nick and I just stayed
where we were, neither one really acknowledging the other for the
moment.  Kevin returned a moment later with a towel, walking over to
hand it to me before turning back to Nick.

	The two of them faced off, neither making a move.  I leaned down
to wipe the wine from my foot and leg, then dropped the towel over the
stain on the carpet.  I stood again, watching my lover and my possibly-
former best friend.

	Kevin suddenly moved across the room towards Nick.  Nick
immediately shied back a step, obviously afraid of what Kevin might do.
Kevin just kept walking until he reached Nick, then quickly put his
arms around him in a bone-crushing hug.

	"Dammit, Nicky," he said, the emotion heavy in his voice.  "You
had us all worried as hell!"

	Nick relaxed then, putting his arms around Kevin and returning
the hug, although with a little less force than Kevin was using.  I
heard him sigh before he spoke.

	"I'm sorry, Kev," he whispered.  "Things just got a
little...messed up.  I'm sorry I put y'all through this."  Kevin didn't
respond with words, just hugged his "little brother" even harder.

	I stood across the room, watching the two of them together.  My
mind was awhirl with conflicting emotions.  Part of me was thrilled to
have Nick back with us, with the group.  Part of me was even more
thrilled at seeing Kevin's reaction.  He didn't act upset, just happy
to have Nick around again.

	But, there were darker feelings lurking in the corners of my
mind.  I suddenly felt cautious of Nick, afraid to trust him.  I was
surprised to feel that about someone who I'd considered a good friend,
someone I'd missed as much as I had.  I guess his leaving, and how and
why he did it, had affected me in ways I hadn't really considered
before now.

	There was one other thing I was feeling as I stared at the two
men before me.  Only, this feeling was one that would never be shared.
With either of them.  I was too ashamed of the feeling to ever share it
with anyone.

	Regret.

	A part of me regretted that Nick had come back.  That small part
of me knew what his return would mean.  The group would continue on.
Kevin's career would continue to play the dominant part in our lives.
And, our chances of settling down into something resembling `normal'
had just been tossed out the window.

	A wave of guilt swept over me.  I couldn't believe how selfish I
was being.  Nick was back where he belonged.  Kevin would be able to
continue in the musical career that he loved so much.  And I would be
happy knowing that he was happy.

	I couldn't look at them anymore.  I'd been going over these
feelings in my mind for only a few seconds.  Nick and Kevin were still
distracted by each other, so I quietly stepped back out to the balcony.

	I moved to a corner, away from the door, and away from their
sight should they glance out.  I stood and stared out over the lights
of the city, twinkling off and on in a dance only they understood.  I
sighed deeply, then just drifted away into my thoughts.



	"Hey, Dylan," Nick's soft voice brought my wandering mind back to
the balcony some time later.  I caught myself stiffening at hearing him
and forced myself to relax before turning to greet him.

	"Hi, Nick," I said as I turned to face him.  "Welcome back."

	I didn't hug him, or make any gesture towards him at all.  I
found myself feeling guarded, closed off.  And, judging by the confused
expression on his face, he seemed to be picking up on my caution.

	"Thanks," he said, his voice hesitant.

	"Are you staying long or are you just here to pick up your
Nintendo?"  The words were out of my mouth before I even had a moment
to consider what I'd said.

	Kevin gasped from where he stood just behind Nick.  I could tell
from the shocked look on his face that he hadn't expected that.
Frankly, he was no more shocked that I'd said something that harsh than
I was.

	I glanced back at Nick just as he dropped a mask over his
expression.  But, I'd caught the hurt look he wore before he managed to
cover it up.  I immediately felt guilty again.

	He didn't deserve my anger, or my suspicion.  He'd done what he
had to do.  And, to be fair, he'd only done what I myself had done on
several occasions in the past.  My heart softened a bit.

	"God, Nick," I spoke up apologetically, moving closer to him.
"I'm sorry.  That was totally uncalled for."  His mask slipped
slightly, but returned a moment later.

	"Nothing more than I deserved, Dylan," he replied.  His voice
matched his face.  Closed.  Cold.  I sighed.

	"Nick, you didn't deserve it," I said, "and we BOTH know it."  I
paused, searching for something to say.  "I guess...I guess I'm just
feeling a little...off."

	It was a lame explanation, as such things went.  He knew it.  I
knew it.  Kevin knew it.  But, it was all I could come up with.

	I stepped in closer to Nick, raising my arms a little.  I was
tentative in the gesture, hesitant to open up.  But, I gave him the
chance if he chose to take it.

	He stared at me a second before finally moving in to accept my
greeting.  We hugged for several moments.  I opened my eyes to look at
Kevin.

	There was a troubled look on his face.  I knew he was happy to
have Nick back with us, but I could also see the jealousy flashing
through his green eyes.

	I held out a hand, inviting him to join the little circle of love
we had going.  He glanced at my hand, then at my eyes before giving me
a small smile and lacing his fingers in with mine.  He stepped over to
wrap his arms around Nick and I.  I felt Nick sigh as I turned to
whisper to him.

	"Welcome home, Nicky."



Chapter 116

	"It's good to have you back," I said to Nick a short while later.

	"Thanks, DJ," he replied, giving me a sheepish look.  "I wasn't
too sure there for a sec."

	"I'm sorry, Nick," I apologized again.  "I just...I dunno, I was
just bein' weird, I guess."

	He seemed okay with the explanation, even if it was as pathetic
as the one I'd offered before.  He sat further back into his chair and
sighed.

	We were all on the balcony, enjoying the mild evening.  Nick was
sitting in a lounge chair facing Kevin and me.  The two of us were
sharing a chair, with Kevin leaning against the back and me sitting at
the front edge, between his legs.  Given the reasons for Nick's
departure, I felt it prudent to limit the PDA's with Kevin, so I didn't
lean back into him.

	"How've things been going, Kev?" Nick wondered.  I could
practically hear the cringe coming from Kevin where he sat behind me.

	"Not good, Nick," he replied.  "We were actually taking this
weekend to look at some...alternatives."

	"What d'ya mean?" Nick asked.  Kevin didn't respond right away,
obviously not sure what to tell him.

	"Well...we were considering scrapping the album, possibly even
Backstreet.  At the least, we were gonna have to start over.  And..."
He hesitated again.

	"Management was looking into legal options," he said at last.

	"Legal options?" Nick seemed confused.

	"They were considering suing you for breech of contract," Kevin
said with a sigh.

	"Oh," was all Nick replied.  He paused, obviously considering
what he wanted to say.  "Did...were you guys...okay with that?"

	"NO!" both Kevin and I spoke up then.

	"Nick," Kevin said, "No matter what happened to make you leave,
we would NEVER condone going after you like that."

	"But," he continued, "the fact is that, without you around, we
weren't gonna get this thing done.  And, that would cost management a
LOT of dough.  They wouldn't stand for it.  We both know that, Nick."

	"Yeah," Nick slowly nodded his agreement.  "I do know that."

	We settled again for a bit with no one really saying anything.
It was a little awkward, but it could've been worse given the
circumstances.  Nick took the silent time to study me from across the
balcony.

	"What?" I finally asked when his staring got too unnerving.

	He didn't answer me.  He stared for another few seconds before
abruptly standing.  He stepped over to our chair and put a hand to my
shoulder.

	I wasn't sure what he was up to until he started pushing me back
into Kevin.  Then, I clued in to what he was trying to tell me.  I
pushed back against his hand, struggling to prevent the motion.

	"Nick," I started to protest.

	"Dylan, come on," he interrupted me.  "Look, I know you're
uncomfortable, man.  But, don't hold back from showing Kevin love
because of me."  I met his gaze.

	"You two belong together, DJ," he spoke softer now, squeezing the
shoulder his hand rested upon.  "No matter what I feel, it's the way
life's dealt things out for us.  And, after everything that's happened
the last year, you shouldn't let ANYTHING stop you from being
affectionate with one another."  He paused.

	"Not even me."

	I stared at him a moment longer, studying the face of someone
who'd been closer than a brother to me.  I felt Kevin's hand on my
shoulder, joining Nick's in urging me to relax.  I finally gave in,
shifting myself so I was leaning back against Kevin's strong chest.

	Kevin wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling my neck.  A slight
shudder went down my spine, and I sighed as I lay my head back and
closed my eyes.  I lost myself in the pleasure of his touch for those
few precious moments.

	When I reopened my eyes, Nick was back in his seat.  He was
smiling at us.  The smile had a genuine feeling behind it, but I could
see a fog of pain somewhere in those blue eyes.  I sighed again, sorry
that my happiness was causing Nick pain.

	"Have you set a date, yet?" Nick asked, changing the subject and
putting an end to his silence.  I was surprised at his question, but
given how well he knew the two of us, I guess I shouldn't have been.

	"Well," I started, then paused and left it to Kevin to decide
whether to tell him.

	"Yeah," Kevin answered for us.  "We did."  Silence.

	"Well," Nick said after waiting several silent minutes for Kevin
to elaborate.  "Are ya gonna share?!"

	"Nope," Kev said with a laugh in his voice.

	"Why not?" Nick wondered, whining a little.

	"Cause, you have to wait until the rest of the guys get back,"
Kev replied.

	"That's so not cool," Nick said, sticking his lip out in an
exaggerated pout.

	"Yep, very true," was all Kev replied.

	The three of us talked more, but eventually, silence fell over us
again.  This time, though, that silence was personable and easy.  We
sat back and just enjoyed each other's presence as the night moved on.


To be continued...