Date: Wed, 08 Mar 2000 20:25:59 MST
From: DJs Tale <djs_tale@hotmail.com>
Subject: Forever 57-59

Author's Notes
--------------
	My, how life changes in the space of a few days.

	For those that I haven't e-mailed with recently, I'm pleased
to announce that yours truly is about a second away from a very
sweet job in sunny Orlando.

	What does this mean to you, the devoted reader?  Well, it
means that DJ will be involved in moving himself and everything he
owns 2,000 miles some time in the next two weeks.  Which means
that there is likely going to be a pause in the posting starting
some time around next Thursday.  Not sure of the details yet.

	Hey, if any readers are from Orlando, drop me a line.  I'd
love to know the hot spots to check out.  Like maybe Kevin Richardson's
address.  I need to start that stalking career soon ;-)  (and for
the record, I'm KIDDING!)

	Anyway, I know you're all anxious for the story to continue.
Thanks to one and all who wrote me.  I always love to hear from you.

Disclaimer
----------
	The story contained here is entirely in the (possibly unbalanced)
mind of its author.  As much as I might like to bear Kevin's children (which
would be nothing short of a miracle), I have no idea if he or any of the
other BSB is actually gay.  Now that Kevin's engaged, I have a good idea
that he's not.  If any of the BSB read this story and are offended, they
should certainly exercise their right to free speech and e-mail me to
complain all about it.  Readers should enjoy the fantasy, but remember
that reality may be (and probably is) dramatically different.

	Don't read this little tale of love if you're too young where you
live.  Don't read this little tale of love if it's illegal where you live.
If either of those two things applies to where you live, I recommend that
you MOVE!!!



Previously on 'Forever'...

It finally clicked in my brain.  I knew what he was doing.  Or I
thought I did.  I hoped...I prayed...that I was wrong.  Because if I
was right...

	I flashed a look at Nick.  He was still staring out at the crowd.
I willed him to look at me, to shake his head `no', to let me know that
I was wrong about this.  That Kevin wasn't doing what I thought he was
doing.

	Unfortunately, Nick wasn't cooperating.  Actually, none of the
guys would look in my direction.  They all had their well-practiced
poses going, still looking relaxed and confident.  And it was a lie on
every one of them.

	I looked over at Allen.  Apparently, I wasn't the only one who'd
been left in the dark about what the REAL announcement today was going
to be.  I also wasn't the only one who'd guessed Kevin's true
intentions.  And, if looks could kill, Kevin would've been splattered
all over the wall by now.

	"I've been keeping a secret from our public, one which I can no
longer in good conscience keep.  In a perfect world, this secret
wouldn't matter, it wouldn't mean anything.  But, this is not a perfect
world.  And," he finally looked at me, "the price of keeping it finally
became too high."  He looked back at the crowd.

	"I said earlier that my engagement to Kari was a lie.  The fact
is that I AM engaged, but it's not to Kari," he stopped then.  If I
didn't know better, I'd have to have said that he was going for drama
or something.

	"I am engaged to someone I love very much, to someone who means the
world to me."  His eyes met mine.  "To someone that I hope to someday
marry," he paused again.  Drama queen.  "His name is Dylan."



And now...'Forever'...



Chapter 57

	Chaos.  Complete, total chaos.  The reporters all surged out of
their chairs and began screaming, all trying to get Kevin's attention.
Flashes were going off so much I thought that the lights had
permanently gotten that bright.  And, in the center of it, the guys all
sat, still looking cool and calm.

	Allen was on his cell phone, yelling in a whisper if that was
possible.  He was furious.  I guess I could understand it.  The guys
had basically gone around him and made an announcement that would have
a drastic impact on their career.  Now he had to pick up the pieces.

	I...hell, I had no clue what I was doing.  I couldn't believe
that he'd done it.  I couldn't even begin to imagine what this would
mean.  To him.  To his career and the other guys.  To us.  Kevin
finally spoke up.

	"Alright, everybody.  Calm down, please.  You'll all get a chance
to ask your questions.  One at a time, please."

	Eventually, the room quieted down.  The flashes were still almost
continuous.  But, as people realized that no one was going to talk
until some kind of order was established, they began to sit down,
raising hands to get the attention of the guys.  Once things were
calmer, Kevin pointed to a woman near the front.  She stood.

	"Guys, Liz Presler, Rolling Stone.  I'm curious what the rest of
the group thinks about this...this revelation."  She remained standing,
waiting for them to respond.  Nick went first.

	"Look, Kev's our friend.   We stand beside him in this.  We've
all known about Kev's...orientation for a while.  When he decided he
wanted to quit with the secret, he talked it over with all of us.  And
we all agreed to support him."

	"See," AJ spoke next, "being gay, or bi in Kev's case," that
raised an eyebrow or two, including mine.  Why had he mentioned that?
"That isn't something that you choose.  It's just what Kev is.  It's
part of the whole package, part of what makes him our friend."

	"Kev kept this a secret for years, ya know, for our sake," Howie
stepped in.  "For the sake of the group.  Because, as much as we might
want it to be different, society isn't big on guys like him in groups
like ours.  And, the fact is, if we wanted to succeed as a group, then
Kev had to keep things a secret."  Howie settled back after he spoke.

	"It wasn't fair," Brian said.  "We asked him to lie about
himself, to keep a part of himself hidden away, for years.  Just so
that we could succeed.  And he never complained, never lashed out at us
for causing him to go through that.  BSB was a dream come true for all
of us.  We all sacrificed a lot for it to happen.  Kevin...Kevin gave
up even more."

	"We're a family," he continued, "no matter what else.  We've been
together for a long time.  And we'll still be together when the dust
settles from this."

	"I'd like to say something else here, too," Kev said.  "I would
like to say `thank you' to the other guys here.  I know that my little
announcement today is going to impact their lives as much, if not more
than, my own.  I just want to say here, publicly, that I appreciate all
their love and support."  Brian put a hand on his shoulder.

	"I would also like to offer up apologies," he continued.  "I want
to apologize to our fans, to all the people out there who are going to
feel like we...like I'VE betrayed their trust.  While being in love
with another man isn't something I'm ashamed of, lying about it is.
I'm sorry for having deceived them, for portraying myself as something
I'm not."

	"But, most of all, I want to apologize to my fiance, Dylan."  My
heart surged when he said that.  I never thought I'd hear him say that
in public.  Especially not to a crowd of reporters like this.  I
couldn't stop a tear from sliding down.  I quickly wiped it away,
hoping no one would notice.

	"I'm sorry that I've had to keep him hidden.  I'm sorry that I've
had to behave in public as though I were with someone else.  I'm sorry
that I've had to act like he was some dirty little secret just to
satisfy others."  He paused here again, gathering his thoughts.

	"I'm not na‹ve.  No matter how much the world is changing, I know
that this is going to affect us, affect how we're perceived by the
public.  I hope that our fans can accept this, that they can forgive me
for the deception.  I love being a Backstreet Boy," he paused, "almost
as much as I love Dylan."  We both blushed then.  "And I want nothing
more than to keep on singing, keep on entertaining."

	"Ladies and gentlemen," Allen stepped up, then.  "I'm sorry, but
that's all we have time for today.  The guys have a busy schedule, and
they need to get to their next appointment.  Thank you for coming."

	The reporters were obviously not happy about the sudden end to
things.  Every one of them stood and started yelling questions at the
guys again, trying to get them to answer as they all lined up and
walked out of the room.  Allen grabbed my arm and yanked me out after
them.



	"Take your hand off of me or I'll remove it for
you...permanently," I snapped, jerking my arm free from Allen's hand.
He looked at me like he wanted to snap back.  I gave him the coldest
look I could, that one that makes the vacuum of space feel like a
summer day in Arizona.  I guess I still had the touch, cause he got the
message and wisely kept his mouth shut.

	I walked into the office where the guys had been waiting earlier.
Kev was standing to the side, staring out the window.  Nick and Brian
were on the couch.  AJ and Howie were nowhere to be seen.

	I moved over to Kevin, placing a hand on his shoulder.  He didn't
look at me, but he did move a hand up to rest on mine.  I squeezed his
shoulder.

	I felt very unsure of myself, of what to do now.  Kevin had just
put his entire career, his hopes and dreams, on the line.  All because
of me.  He spoke up then.

	"Could you guys give us a few minutes, please?" he asked softly.

	"Kevin," Allen spoke, "we really need..."

	"Oh, shut the hell up, man," Nick broke in.  "Jesus, give him a
minute.  Did you leave your heart in your other suit or what?"  He
grabbed Allen by the arm as he and Brian walked out of the office.

	The minute the door shut, he was in my arms.  He grabbed hold of
me like a lifeline.  I felt a sob rack his body, then another.  I put
my arms tightly around him, rubbing my hands up and down his back.

	"God, D, what've I done?" he whispered against my neck.  "What
have I done?"  He continued to cry, his strong body trembling in my
arms.

	I moved, slowly shifting us over to the couch.  I sat down,
leaning against the arm of the couch.  I kept Kevin wrapped tightly in
my arms.  When we finally settled, he was laying on the couch with his
face buried in my neck and his arms wrapped around my back.

	I'm not sure how long we sat there, or how long he was crying.  I
could barely remember ever seeing tears come from him, much less for
this long.  I was beginning to get worried when he finally started to
quiet down, to regain his control.

	"You're gonna be ok, Kev.  Everything's gonna be alright," I
whispered into his ear, pressing my lips there.  I tried to make my
voice a lot more certain than I actually felt.

	"God, I hope so, D.  I hope this wasn't a huge mistake," he said,
his voice as quiet as mine.

	"Kev," I started, then paused.  "Why'd you do it, baby?  Why'd
you take the chance?"  He sighed against my neck before he pulled back
to look at my face.

	"I had to, Dylan.  I couldn't lose you," he said.

	"I was afraid you might say that," I said, turning away.

	"Why?"

	"Kev," I stopped.  I wasn't sure I should say this, if I wouldn't
be causing more harm than good if I brought it up.  "What happens if
this goes bad?  If you announced you were gay because of me, what
happens if everyone turns against you?"  I looked back at him.  "What
happens if you lose your career, your dreams, because of me?"  I
stopped to take a deep breath.

	"You're gonna blame me for `making' you do this, and then," I
paused again.  "And then I'm gonna lose YOU because of it."

	"Dylan, that's not gonna happen," he said.  "I'm not gonna blame
you for this, alright?  You may've been what really decided me on it,
but the fact is that this is somethin' I've thought of doing for a
while."

	I stared into his eyes, hoping that he was telling me the truth.
If he did this because of me, and lost everything because of me...I
wasn't sure I'd be able to live with that guilt.

	"The night I proposed, you told me that you'd never met anyone
that you'd considered marrying, never met anyone that meant enough to
you to consider a lifetime commitment with," he said.  I nodded,
recalling the conversation.

	"Until I met you, D, I had never met anyone that I considered
worth taking this chance for.  I've always considered the idea of
coming out, but before now, it was never worth the risk," he said.
"And now, with you, it is."

	"I hope you're right, Kev...I really hope you're right," I
whispered, closing my eyes and leaning my head down.

	We sat there for a while longer, Kev still held in my arms.  Once
we stopped talking, he relaxed against my chest again.  I was a little
relieved, as it meant that his eyes weren't on mine.  I didn't want him
to see the turmoil there.

	I thought about it for a while, about everything that had
happened.  I tried to consider all of the ramifications of his actions
today, but there were just too many things to worry about.  I finally
decided that maybe, this time, I should just try to let things happen
and deal with them as they came.

	"I love you, Dylan," Kev's voice floated up to my ear.

	"I love you, too, Kev," I whispered back, kissing the top of his
head where it rested near my chest.

	We were interrupted by a tapping on the door.  AJ stuck his head
in before we could respond.  He looked a little shocked at Kev's
appearance, but he recovered pretty quickly.

	"Hey, guys, the MTV news brief's coming on soon.  We thought you
might wanna try to catch what they say," he said.

	Kev and I both nodded.  AJ ducked back into the hallway for a
second before opening the door all the way.  Nick, Brian, and Howie all
followed him in.  Allen was nowhere in sight, thankfully.

	AJ walked over to a cabinet on the wall, which turned out to
house a TV.  He flipped it on and surfed around until he found MTV.
Kevin shifted in my arms, turning slightly so he could see the TV, but
not leaving my arms any more than he had to.  I lightly squeezed him,
just to let him know I was there.

	"Here it is, guys," AJ said.

	"I'm Kurt Loder, and this is an MTV news brief.  In a rather
stunning press conference that ended just moments ago in their hometown
of Orlando, pop super sensations the Backstreet Boys had a few
interesting revelations for their fans.  The conference began with
Kevin Richardson stating that the recent announcement of his engagement
to Kari Rutherford was false.  The reason?  It seems Richardson is
already engaged...to another man."

	"He revealed during the half hour conference that his engagement
to Rutherford was a cover, something which he deeply regretted.  He
admitted that he was engaged to a man, so far known only by his first
name of `Dylan', and that he hoped to marry some day."

	"His fellow Backstreet members had only positive things to say.
None seemed overly concerned with the news.  Several members expressed
regret that Richardson had lived `in the closet' for so long because of
the group's success."

	"Richardson did take a moment to apologize to his fans, saying he
wasn't ashamed for his feelings, but he was ashamed that he'd deceived
them, that he'd portrayed himself as something he wasn't."

	"While Richardson isn't the first member of a boyband to come
out, he's easily the biggest.  Some may remember that Stephen Gately,
member of the popular European group Boyzone, came out just over a year
ago.  While the announcement doesn't appear to have damaged Gately's
career substantially, the feelings of Richardson's larger American
fanbase remain in question."

	"There has been little or no reaction as of yet to the
announcement, but more is expected as the news spreads further.  MTV
will continue to track the story as information becomes available.
That's the news for now, stay tuned at 10 to the hour, every hour, for
more MTV news."

	AJ hit the mute on the TV and started surfing.  Everyone just sat
around for a moment before Brian spoke.

	"Well, that went pretty well," he said.

	"Yeah.  And, just think, Kurt Loder thinks you're the biggest
boyband member to ever come out," I said, nudging Kev to give him a
dose.  He smiled a little, but his eyes were still troubled.

	"Well, don't go gettin' a swelled head or nothin', Kev," Nick
spoke up.  "After all, there's only been two boyband members who've
come out, so bein' the biggest isn't necessarily a big deal."  He had a
smile on his face.

	Allen walked in then.  I hated the fact that he didn't knock,
even if it was his office.  My annoyance with him might've had
something to do with the look of disgust on his face when he noticed
Kev and I.  I just turned on the cold look until he turned away.  I
didn't want him bothering Kev any more than necessary.

	"We need to talk," he said.  The guys just leaned back in their
chairs and nodded.  Kev didn't say or do anything.

	"What the hell were you thinking, going out there and telling
everyone you're gay?" the words just seemed to fall out of his mouth.
I felt Kevin stiffen in my arms.  If Allen had been close enough, I
would've given him a swift kick.

	"Maybe he was thinking that he was sick of hiding who he was,"
Brian spoke.  "Maybe he was remembering the fact that he was brought up
better than that, that he was raised to be proud of himself."

	"I don't care!" Allen practically snarled.  "Do you realize the
position this puts me in?"

	"This has nothin' to do with you, man.  This is a family matter,"
Nick said.

	"That's a load of crap, and you know it, Nick," Allen said.  "I'm
the one who's going to have to pick up the pieces from this.  I'm the
one who has to deal with the fallout."

	"You reap what you sow, Allen," Brian said.  There was almost a
smug note in his voice.  I was getting the feeling that there wasn't a
lot of love for Allen in the room.

	"Like it or not, Allen, if you hadn't insisted that Kevin fake an
engagement, none of this would've even come up," Howie put in his two
cents.  "The reason Kev even started talking to us about it is because
of that stupid engagement," he said.  He turned to look at Kev, who was
staring off into nothing.  "The fact is that I, for one, am glad that
he doesn't have to hide it anymore."

	"I can't believe you, any of you!  Don't any of you have a clue
what this is going to mean?  90% of your fans are young women.  Teenage
girls who go to bed at night staring at posters of you on the wall,
dreaming about being your wife and living happily ever after with you."

	"It was bad enough when you got engaged, but at least there was
still that chance, that hope, that it could happen for them.  Enough to
keep `em buying your posters and your cards and your calendars, not to
mention your albums and your concert tickets."

	"Now, you've gone and basically cut them out of it.  You're
involved with another man, for God's sake.  How do you think all those
little girls are gonna feel now?"

	"Jesus, of all the stupid, lame-brained, idiotic," he rambled on
for a moment longer, but I tuned it out.  All I was focused on was
Kevin.  I could feel him twitch with every nasty word Allen spoke, like
someone was hitting him.  I quickly had enough.

	"Allen, if you don't shut the fuck up right now, I'm going to
make it my mission in life to ensure that every trace of you is
eliminated from the human gene pool," I said, my quiet, cold voice
slicing into his tirade.  All eyes turned to me.  Except Kevin, who
just continued to stare at the wall.  I stared at Allen, locking gazes
with him.

	"Kevin did what he felt he had to do.  He talked it out with the
guys because they're his family, and he looks to them for support in
tough times.  They are also going to be directly affected by this
decision a helluva lot more than anyone else is."

	"There was no reason to discuss it with you, cause from the
sounds of things, you don't have his interests at heart, you have
yours."  I eliminated every trace of emotion from my voice, pulling out
the coldest, cruelest sound I could manage.

	"Now, you are going to quit this little tirade of yours.  You are
going to sit down, and calmly discuss with the guys here what should be
done next.  That is, after all, your JOB.  You are going to remember
that there are actually people in this room who have feelings, and you
are going to consider all of your words very," I paused, staring
daggers into his eyes, "VERY carefully."  I paused again, still holding
his eyes with mine.

	"Or, you are going to leave this room, walk out of this building,
and run for that pathetic excuse you call a life.  Because I`ll be two
steps behind you.  And I WILL catch up to you if you EVER do or say
ANYTHING to hurt him again."

	I held his eyes.  The silence in the room was thick.  No one was
even breathing that I could hear.  I put every ounce of intimidation,
arrogance, and venom that I could muster into that gaze.  As much as I
might hate using those weapons, there was no way I would allow the
little weasel to make this any harder on Kev.

	"Do I make myself perfectly," I paused, "crystal," pause again,
"clear?"

	Allen stared back at me.  He tried to look like he wasn't shaken,
but I had him now.  I could see the doubt in his eyes.  He was
wondering just how far I would take this.  I stared harder, letting him
know exactly how far I would go.

	He let out a little gasp, caught himself then cleared his throat.
He looked away, barely nodding.  I continued to stare death at him,
catching his eye for another moment when he glanced back my way.  He
didn't do it again.

	I turned away and grabbed Kevin tighter, running a hand through
his hair.  My touch seemed to rouse him a bit, as he turned his face to
my neck, settling against me again.

	I saw Nick shake himself a bit out of the corner of my eye.  I
looked up and met his gaze, giving him a little smile.  He returned it,
although he looked a little nervous.  I guess he was a little shocked
at how I'd acted.

	Frankly, so was I.  But, I couldn't sit there and listen to that
jackass tear Kevin apart for doing this.  Especially considering that
it was largely my fault that he'd done it.  My protective instincts had
kicked in, and Allen had been hurting what was mine.

	"Now," I said, my voice fairly quiet and closer to normal again,
"if you want my opinion, I think you guys should just wait a day or
two.  Let the info get out to everyone.  Put up an announcement on the
website so people who missed the news today can get a chance to read
what y'all said.  And see what happens."

	"I agree," Nick spoke up.  "I think we should just hold off on a
big reaction.  If we go out there making announcements and stuff,
people'll think that we're worried about it, or that we don't have
faith in them to do the right thing."

	The other guys nodded, mumbling the occasional `yeah'.  I guess
that meant that my idea had been accepted.  They agreed to wait until
the weekend to see what the fallout was going to look like.

	"Then, if y'all don't mind, I'd like to take Kev home now," I
said.

	"He rode over with me, Dylan," Brian said, "so you don't have to
worry about getting his car home."

	"Well, that's one problem solved, then," I paused, realizing I
had another one.  "Now if one of you could tell me how to get to his
house from here, I'd be set," I said, smiling to the guys.



Chapter 58

	Kevin was a little out of it on the drive home.  I had figured he
might be, which was why I'd asked for directions.  Fortunately, his
cousin did a very good job of telling me how to get to his place.

	I pulled up into the driveway and cut the engine.  I turned to
see him leaning up against the door with his eyes closed.  He looked
very peaceful, so I guessed he'd managed to fall asleep.

	I hated to wake him up.  He looked so comfortable finally.  But,
I knew that I wasn't really up for carrying him inside and up the
stairs.  So, I gave in and gently shook his shoulder.

	"Kev, we're home," I said.  His eyes blinked and came into focus.
He turned over to me.  The look in his eyes hit me like a physical
blow.  I reached up to touch his face, but he didn't really respond.

	We walked up to the door.  Kev reached into his pocket, pulling
out his keys and handing them to me.  He just stared at the ground
while I searched through them, trying several until I found the one
that unlocked the door.  He followed me inside.

	As the door closed, I reached out and grabbed his arm.  I pulled
him to me and put my mouth to his.  I tried to give him the most
loving, passionate kiss I'd ever given him.  I was hoping it might snap
him out of the funk he was in.

	At first, he didn't respond.  But, a few moments later, he opened
up to me, sliding his arms tightly around me and returning my kiss with
equal passion.  We continued for several more minutes before
separating.

	"You better now?" I whispered to him.

	"Yeah, thanks.  I needed that," he replied, just as quiet.

	"How `bout I whip us up some dinner?" I asked, letting my voice
return to normal.

	"Would you mind if we ordered a pizza or some Chinese instead?
I'd kinda like it if we could just...if we could just be together for a
bit," he said.  His voice was still pretty quiet.

	"Sure, sweetie.  Sounds good to me," I replied.

	He pulled away from me, then.  He didn't give up his grip on my
hand, but he did turn and head down the hallway.  We walked into the
den.  He dug a phone book out of his desk and grabbed the cordless from
its base before leading me back out into the hallway and moving into
the living room.  He set the phone book and phone onto the coffee table
in front of his couch.

	Kev turned and slipped off his shoes, so I did the same with
mine.  I moved to lie on the couch, but he stopped me.  He reached his
hands to my waist, pulling my Polo shirt from my slacks and sliding it
up over my head.  He made similar short work of his own shirt.

	He lay down on the couch, shifting over on his side so his back
was against the cushions.  He lightly tugged on my wrist, letting me
know where I was currently wanted.

	I moved onto the couch with him, lying down on my back.  Kevin
shifted a little so his weight was more on top of me.  He moved his
head to its favorite resting place just above my shoulder, his lips
pressed into my neck.

	He wrapped his arms around me, sliding one along my arm and
locking our hands together.  He also shifted his legs onto mine,
twining us all together.

	"Thank you, Dylan," he whispered against my neck.  The feel of
his breath, combined with the warm, silky smooth feel of his chest
against my body, sent a shiver down my spine.

	"There's nothing to thank me for, Kevin," I said back.

	"Yeah, there is.  Having you there today meant a lot to me.  I
don't think I'd have been able to go through with it if you hadn't been
there."

	"Hmmmm, maybe I should've stayed at work today, then," I said,
only partially joking.  He quickly picked up on my not-so-funny tone
and shifted up to search my eyes.

	"Dylan," he asked, "Are you sorry I did it??"

	"No, Kev, it's not that.  Really."  I paused.  "I'm just worried
is all, I guess.  This is gonna be a really big deal for you, and for
the other guys.  I'm just a little concerned about what's gonna happen
for you next.  I don't want you to get hurt."

	That apparently set him more at ease.  He lay his weight back
down on me, snuggling up tight and once again putting his head on my
shoulder.

	"Dylan, sweetie, as long as you're with me, then nothin' that'll
come of this is gonna be enough to hurt me.  Havin' you here means the
world to me."  There was a long silence.

	"Kev, I need to ask you something," I said.  I felt him nod.  "If
having me here meant so much, then how come you didn't talk to me about
it?  Why didn't you tell me what you were doing?"  I felt him stiffen a
little.

	"Because," he whispered, "I knew you'd try to talk me out of it.
Even though it was the right thing to do, even though I knew how much
the secrecy was hurting you, I also knew that you'd be the one arguing
the hardest for me to stay in the closet if you thought it was the best
thing for me."

	I shuddered a bit at how well he knew me.  He was exactly right.
Inside, I would've been thrilled at his decision.  But, I would've
fought tooth and nail to get him to keep it a secret if it meant
preserving his dreams.  I would've been too afraid of the
responsibility for anything bad that happened.

	"But, this IS what's the best thing for me, D.  I wouldn't have
made this decision if it weren't the right one.  I didn't just go to
the guys to talk about this because of how it would affect them.  I
went to them because I knew that, no matter what, I could trust them to
give me an honest opinion.  If they thought I was making a horrible
mistake, then they would've told me."

	"The guys and I actually spent like all night on Tuesday talking
about this.  We went back and forth for hours, trying to figure out the
consequences of me coming out.  Or not coming out.  And the whole
situation with Kari."  He leaned up to look at me again.

	"Dylan, I love you.  More than I can even come up with the words
to tell you.  But, I also know that, if you thought there was even the
slightest chance that this would backfire, you'd have argued `til you
were blue in the face to keep me from going through with it."

	"The guys are protective, too, but they'd still be able to
separate from that if they thought it was the right thing to do, even
if it was the hardest of the choices.  Like it or not, this is gonna
impact you and me a whole lot more than it will them.  I just thought I
could trust their opinions not to be as emotionally driven as yours or
mine."

	I thought about it for a bit.  I'll admit, I was a little
bothered that he hadn't talked to me first.  It was a huge decision,
one that would impact me as well as him.  Maybe the impact to my life
would be less, but it was still something that I felt like I deserved a
voice in.

	Kevin was still hovering over me, looking down at my face.
Knowing him, he was probably reading every thought that crossed my
mind.  It was almost eerie at times how well he could read me.  It was
also comforting to know how connected we were.

	"Look, Kev, I won't lie to you.  It bugs me that you didn't talk
to me about something this major before you did it," I said.  He opened
his mouth to speak, but I lifted a finger to his lips.  "But, I can
understand why you did."  I paused a second before admitting the rest.

	"And, the fact is that you're right.  I would've argued with you
pretty forcefully about it.  I would've been too scared of the
consequences to take the risk with your career, not to mention the
other guys.  And, it probably would've led to a pretty major fight if
you'd gone ahead with it against my wishes.  Now that you did it
already, I guess I can accept it and move on."

	He smiled a little, the relief apparent on his face.  He was
obviously glad that I'd said he did ok.  I doubted he'd ever admit it,
but it was clear to me that he was in a pretty fragile state of mind at
the moment.  Deep down, I think he was even more scared than I was,
and, for better or worse, I was his stability right now.  I was helping
hold him together.

	I lifted my free hand and ran it through his hair, lightly
stroking the short, dark locks before I slid to the back of his neck.
I gently put a little pressure on him, letting him know he should relax
and lay down again.  He did, the small smile still on his face.

	We lay there for a while, each lost in our own thoughts.  Even
though I'd said I wouldn't, I was dwelling on what was to come.  On all
of the things that were going to change now that Kevin had announced
everything.  His stomach broke in on my thoughts with a loud rumble.

	"Hungry, baby?" I asked, laughing softly.  He snuggled up closer
and just kind of mumbled a yes.  "Do you want pizza?"  Another mumbled
yes.

	I reached out a hand, barely able to reach the phone on the
coffee table.  I started to shift over to grab at it, but Kev
immediately tightened his grip on me.  I guess he wasn't in the mood to
give up his current comfortable spot.  I managed to fumble a little and
drag it close enough to grab.

	"Do you know the number?" I asked.  He shifted slightly, enough
to allow him to say the number quietly into my ear.  Then he dropped
back and snuggled into me again.

	I dropped the phone on the floor once the order was in.  We had
about half an hour to kill before it got there.  I noticed the time and
remembered something.

	"Hey, Kev, the news is probably on.  Did you wanna watch and see
if there's any stuff about you guys?" I asked.

	"Us," he mumbled.

	"Huh?" was my intelligent reply.  He shifted his mouth away from
my neck more, allowing him to talk more clearly.

	"Us.  The news might have stuff about `us', not just me and the
guys.  You're part of this, too, remember?  My fiance, the mysterious
Dylan," he said.  I could hear a note of humor in his voice.  I was
glad, cause I'd been worried at how out of things he'd still seemed.

	"Ok," I said, smiling myself.  "Did you want me to flip on the
news and see if there's anything about US on?"  He giggled a little and
nodded.

	I managed to snag the remote from the coffee table without
disturbing his highness too much.  I hit the power, then surfed around
until I found some local station.

	The news had barely started.  They were recapping the day's major
events.  The usual mayhem and madness from places I'd never seen, along
with the occasional political note since the campaigns were all still
going strong.  I sat bored through most of it, until the segment just
after the weather.

	"And some rather surprising news in the music world today.
Hometown artists, the Backstreet Boys, stunned fans when one of their
number announced that he was involved in a gay relationship."  Kev
stiffened a bit.  I rubbed his arm.  "Kevin Richardson, the oldest
member of the group, announced at a press conference today that he was
currently engaged to another man."

	"The four remaining members of the group, Brian Littrell, Nick
Carter, Howie Dorough, and AJ McLean, all expressed support for
Richardson's decision, stating that they were glad he no longer had to
hide for the sake of the group, and that they would stand by him in the
time ahead."

	They cut to a shot of the press conference then.  I hadn't
noticed cameras from this station in the room, but they did have some
footage of the `event'.  They showed a clip from Kev's statement, then
bits and pieces of the guys' reactions before returning to the studio
shot.

	"Local reaction seems to be pretty mixed at this point.  While a
number of local Christian and family values organizations have already
come forward to condemn Richardson and the group, there have also been
a number of favorable reactions from advocacy groups, as well as those
in the music industry."

	"It remains to be seen whether or not one of Orlando's most
popular musical groups will be able to stay afloat through what is sure
to be a storm of controversy."

	I hit mute at that point and started surfing around for MTV.
When I found it, I dropped the remote.  I wasn't really interested in
watching what was on, but I figured we could leave it there until the
MTV news came on.

	The ringing of the phone caused me to jump slightly.  I reached
down and answered to hear the voice of the delivery guy.  He was at the
gate and needed access.  Kev gave me the code to open the gate, which I
punched into the phone.

	Kevin started to shift, as though he was going to stand.  I laid
a hand on his shoulder, stilling him before I slid off of the couch.  I
grabbed my shirt and walked to the front door.  I waited until I heard
him knock.

	When I opened the door, it was to a flurry of flashes and shouts.
I immediately lifted a hand to shield my eyes, as I was nearly blinded
by the sudden light show.

	Amid the chaos stood the pizza guy.  I'm not sure how he'd
managed to get up through all of the people in Kevin's yard, but he was
waiting there, obviously wondering what the hell was going on.

	I quickly dropped some cash on him and grabbed the pizza.  I
turned away and slammed the door, leaning up against it.  I was still a
little dazed, not to mention shocked that all those people had gotten
on to the property.  So much for security.

	I walked back to the kitchen and grabbed some paper towels.  I
figured we could eat right out of the box.  It was pizza, after all.

	"Kev, there's a swarm of reporters outside," I said as I walked
back into the living room.

	"What?" he asked, leaning up to get a better look at me.  I just
nodded.

	"Yeah, I'm not sure how they got in, but they're there.  I didn't
get a good count of how many, but there was enough."

	"Damn," he sighed, sitting up and reaching for the phone.  He
quickly dialed Allen's number.  His brief conversation was noticeably
tense as he requested that Allen send over a handful of security
personnel.  Kev was concerned about people prowling around the house.

	"What an ass," I heard him mutter as he hung up.  I walked over
and sat next to him on the couch, setting the pizza down on the coffee
table.

	I turned to Kev, noting the sad look again on his face.  I
decided I was tired of seeing that.  And that the pizza could wait a
moment.

	I reached over and placed a hand on his cheek, gently turning his
head up to look at mine.  Once I had his eyes locked on mine, I slowly
started leaning into him.  I moved closer and closer until our lips
finally met.

	The kiss was warm and gentle.  I lightly brushed my lips over
his, barely even getting contact.  I felt his arm move as he shifted a
hand to cup my cheek as I was doing to his.

	When he did, he started applying more pressure, pulling our faces
tighter together.  I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip,
obviously seeking entry.  I was glad to oblige, opening my mouth to
him.

	The kiss deepened, then, as Kevin moved over and began pushing
down on my body, urging me to lay down under him.  We shifted our
bodies, me moving mine all the way onto the couch and him moving in
between my legs to settle on top of me.  And we managed to do it
without our lips separating.

	We did separate a moment later so that Kevin could lift my shirt
over my head.  He was on me an instant after that, though, pressing his
hot skin onto mine as his mouth again laid claim to me.

	Our moment of passion was cut short by the loud rumbling of his
stomach.  I tried desperately not to, but I couldn't help breaking out
in laughter.  He, of course, joined a second after that, and we both
ended up laughing hysterically.

	"You need to train that thing better, baby.  Let it know there's
a time and a place for everything, and this is NOT the time and the
place for it to interrupt," I said, laughing still.

	"Yeah, I know.  I can't help it, though.  I was too nervous to
eat lunch today, so I'm starvin'," he said, the smile still on his
face.  I reached up a hand to touch his lips.

	"It's good to see you smiling," I said.  "I haven't seen that
enough today."

	"Sorry, sweetie," he spoke softly.  "I'll try to do it more often
for ya."

	"I'd like that," I said, leaning up for a brief kiss.  "Now,
let's get some food into that bottomless pit you call a stomach, ok?"
He just chuckled and shifted off of me so we could sit up.

	Kev opened the pizza box while I grabbed the remote control and
turned on the sound on the TV.  It was an ad for tonight's episode of
`Loveline'.  Frankly, the show had never really appealed to me, but
once in a while it was a kick.

	I reached over and grabbed a slice so I could start stuffing my
face.  Kevin was already most of a slice ahead of me.  Pig.



Chapter 59

	"Oh hell," I said.

	"What?" Kev asked.

	We were cuddled up on the couch again.  I'd muted the TV when we
finished eating.  We'd talked a bit here and there, but, mostly we just
lay together.  Until I noticed my picture on the screen.

	I quickly hit the `mute' button on the remote, motioning with it
to point Kev's attention as Kurt Loder's voice came out at me.

	"but sources close to the Backstreet Boys have identified the man
as Dylan Weston, a computer programmer from Tampa.  Apparently,
Richardson and Weston met early this year when the Boys' bus rear-ended
Weston's car on the freeway north of"

	I hit mute again.  Damn, how did they find out about me so fast?
The picture was from the press conference.  Someone HAD noticed my
behavior there at the back of the room.  But I hadn't seen anyone take
my picture.

	"Man, Dylan, I'm sorry," Kev whispered.

	I didn't say anything.  I was still staring at my picture on TV.
It went to commercial a few seconds later, but I continued to stare.  I
wasn't ready for this, ready to be plastered on TV's and websites
around the world.  Probably with crosshairs painted on my face.

	"Dylan?" Kev's voice had a worried tone.  I shook myself a
little, looking down at him and away from the TV.

	"Yeah?"

	"You ok?"

	"I guess.  I hadn't really been expecting this so soon is all," I
replied.  My voice was quiet, soft.  He stared at me a moment.

	Suddenly, Kev lifted off of me and moved away.  He walked out of
the room.  I wasn't sure where he was going until I heard his feet on
the stairs.  I quickly got up and followed.

I heard a door shut as I made my way upstairs.  I looked down the
hall to his room and noticed that his door was now shut.  I walked up
to it and knocked.

	"Kev?" I asked.  I didn't hear an answer, so I tried the knob.
It opened, and I walked into his room.

	The room was fairly dark.  The sun had gone down a short while
ago, and the ambient light coming in through the curtains wasn't enough
to brighten the room beyond a dim glow.

	I looked towards the bed.  He wasn't on it.  I walked over
closer, wondering if he was in another room up here.  Then, I heard him
crying.

	I turned, finally realizing that the shadow in the corner wasn't
a shadow.  It was Kevin, sitting with his knees drawn up and his head
on his arms across the knees.

	"Kev?" I asked.  He didn't move.  I quickly shifted down next to
him, placing a hand on his shoulder.  He moved then, jerking away from
me and trying to crawl even further into the corner.

	"Baby, what is it?  What's wrong?" I was getting worried now.  In
the months we'd known each other, I'd almost never seen Kevin cry.
Now, today, he'd broken down several times.  I knew he had good reason
to be upset, but it still had me worried.

	I moved in closer, again trying to put a hand on his shoulder.
This time, he pushed me away, hard enough to knock me off balance.  I
fell back on my butt, catching myself with one hand.

	"Don't," he whispered.

	"What?  Kevin, what's wrong?"

	"Don't touch me."

	"What?  Kev, why not?"

	"Don't you get it, Dylan?  Don't you understand what I did?"

	"What, Kev?  What'd you do?"

	"I ruined your life, man.  I ruined the other guys'.  I fucked
everything up today by coming out like that."

	I understood then.  He was back in blame mode, focusing on all of
the things that could possibly go bad and taking all the responsibility
for it on himself.

	"Kev, baby, you didn't ruin anyone's life today," I said.  "I
wish I could make you understand that.  We all love you, me, the guys,
all of us.  You did the right thing today, even if I was a little too
thick to figure that out before."

	I reached out to touch him.  He stiffened and flinched away, but
he didn't push like he'd done before.  I slowly eased in close to him
and put my arm across his shoulder.

	"Kev, by doing what you did today, you opened the door for you
and I to be together.  Sure, maybe not in the traditional sense, but it
still means the world to me that you were willing to do what you did
for me."

	I tried to pull him in closer to me.  He resisted, not letting me
get any more contact with him.  I was at a loss.  I wasn't sure what I
could do to bring him out of this.

	"Please, Kev.  It's been a long day.  We've both been on some
wild roller coaster, each constantly worryin' about what's happened and
what's gonna happen and who's to blame for whatever happens."

	"The fact is, baby, that all our worrying doesn't matter.
Whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen," I said, pausing for a moment.
"I don't know `bout you, love, but I'm tired.  Please," I stopped,
shifting my hand to lift his face.  The light from outside wasn't much,
but it was enough to see the tearstains on his cheeks, the torment in
his eyes.  I tried to start again.

	"Let's just climb into that big bed over there, ok?  We can hold
each other, talk if we need to, and eventually get some sleep.  I think
it'd do us both some good.   Please?"

	He stared at me a moment longer, finally nodding.  I stood up,
then took his hand and lifted him up, too.  I moved him over to the bed
and stripped the rest of his clothes off.  I pushed him down on the
bed.  I started to walk away, but he grabbed my hand.

	"Where're you going?" he asked.

	"Just downstairs.  I left the TV on."

	"Forget about it," he said.  "Please?"

	"Sure, Kev," was all I replied.  I quickly got out of my pants
and boxers.  I slid into bed next to him.  About half a second later,
we were tangled together, Kevin once again holding on to me for dear
life.

	"Dylan, I'm sorry," he started.  I put a finger to his lips.

	"No, Kev.  No more apologies, no more blame.  We're in this
together, no matter what.  I'll help you deal with whatever comes from
today as best I can," I paused, a smile on my face, "and you and the
guys get drafted to help me deal with my newfound fame."  He paused for
a second, obviously thinking.

	"Deal," he sighed.

	"I love you, Kevin Scott Richardson," I whispered, lightly
kissing the top of his head.

	"I love you, too, Dylan," he paused.  "I don't know your middle
name," he said, sounding a little embarrassed.

	"It's Jacob," I replied.

	"Then I love you, too, Dylan Jacob Weston.  For the rest of my
life, if you'll have me," he sighed against my neck.

	"Forever, Kevy," I murmured.

	We lay there a while before I heard his breathing settle into a
rhythm.  I was glad that he'd gotten to sleep finally.  I knew he'd do
better after some sleep.

	And, I knew that, somehow, we'd come out ok.  We were together.
We had the guys to support us.  And Lindsay...

	Oh shit.  I'd forgotten to call Lindsay.  Well, it'd have to wait
until morning, cause I was way too wrapped up in Kevin to get to the
phone.  Thoughts of the screams I'd hear when I finally called her sent
me to sleep with a smile on my face.



To be continued...
------------------
	Well, Kev's out.  Will life ever be the same?  Will Kev & Dylan's
relationship survive the chaos?  Only time will tell...