Date: Thu, 19 Apr 2001 20:06:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mel J <melanjea_bsb@yahoo.com>
Subject: Full Circle-Chapter 1

Disclaimer! This has no basis in fact and has no
reflection on Nysnc or their sexuality.


Thanks for the feedback!!-MelFull Circle-Chapter 1

By Mel

2001


   He spent all of his time off trying to get over
him. It wasnt easy. He kept seeing his eyes, his mouth
and his skin in his dreams. But by the time the two
month vacation was over, he had convinced himself that
he was over it. That was of course unitil he saw his
love again. Then all of his theories flew out the
window. The first day in the studio was not easy. He
tried to keep his eyes to himself but found it
impossible.

   Thank god he didnt have to sing very much, not that
first day. He knew though, that he would have to
control himself soon or someone would notice. And he
would die inside if the object of his affection found
out,  not to mention it would destroy their
friendship. At least that is what he thought. He never
noticed that the man he fell in love with was having
similar feelings for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   Justin kept his eyes on the microphone in front of
him, unwilling to look at anyone. He knew it was only
a matter of time before it started all over again, but
this time he wasnt sure if he wanted it, yet he wasnt
sure if he could say no either. He also didnt want to
meet Chris' eyes. He was afraid his bandmate would
see. See that he knew his secret.

   But he also knew he couldnt keep it a secret for
long. Chris needed help, and soon. He hoped it wouldnt
destroy their friendship, but he knew soon he was
going to have to take that chance. He knew better than
anyone that drugs could kill. He had seen it first
hand.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joey kept the smile on his face securely in place.
Everyone was joking as usual, but he could feel the
underlying tension. Secrets and Lies. He knew it
couldnt go on much longer. He met Lance's eyes across
the room, and Lance looked away first.

   Damn. He knew it wouldnt be as easy as Lance had
hoped. They broke for lunch soon after that.

   "So, You think the new songs are going to bring new
fans?" Jc asked, around a mouthfull of food. Chris
threw a napkin at him playfully. "Yes, I do. We have
writtten some really good ones." Jc took a swig of
soda. "Sorry." He leaned back, resting. He knew it was
time to face the true feelings of his bandmates.

    "Guys, I have to tell you something." Everyone
stopped eating, as the tone of his voice betrayed the
seriousness of the situation. Joey gulped. He was
afraid of what JC was going to say. "What is it,
Josh?" Justin's voice was soft.

   "I am gay."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Fear. Relief. The feelings that spread throughout
the room were palpable. JC met Joey's eyes and was
astonished to see acceptance there. That gave him the
strength to look at the others. Chris gaped, but Jc
sensed no hostility. "Finally." Justin grinned at his
best friend.

   "You knew?" JC looked at him, shocked. "Guessed."
He could see the looks that Jc had been giving Lance
for a while now, but he kept that part of it to
himself. He didnt want to make this any harder for his
best friend then it had been. JC smiled at his best
friend. Then he looked at Lance. And suddenly wished
he hadnt.

    Lance was pale. Paler than he had ever seen him.
Then he bolted and ran out of the room. JC's heart
sank. Great. He felt tears well in his eyes. He paid
no attention to Joey who ran out after Lance. All he
could see was the cold green gaze of his friend.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   "What in the hell did you do that for?" Joey's
voice was tinny in the small bathroom. Lance just
shook his head. "I cant believe he just said that. Is
he lying to tease me?" Joey's eyes cleared as he
realized just what Lance was thinking. "Lance. Are you
gay?" He already  knew the answer but needed to hear
it from Lance. Lance nodded, tears filling his eyes.

   "Ever since I can remember." Joey threw one arm
around his friend. "JC isnt lying to you. I have seen
him with guys before." Now it was Lance's turn to be
shocked. "I am bi. One night at a gay club I saw him,
with a guy. He didnt see me. I figured he would tell
me when he was ready to admit it out loud."

   Lance just shook. It was too much to take in all at
once. For the first time he couldnt control his world
and it scared him badly. "Lance."

   Jc's voice made them both look up.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    It was just Justin and Chris left at the table.
Justin took a deep breath. Now was as good time as
any. "Chris. I know." Chris just looked at him. "You
know what?" he asked, fighting his fear, keeping his
voice even. "I know about the coke."

   Chris fought to breathe. Oh no. Then Justin's arms
came around him. "It's ok. I am here for you. I wont
let you go through this alone, but Chris, you need to
stop."

   Chris shook. "Please, Help me."

    "I will, I promise."

   It was a promise that would be hard to hide from
the others, but Justin promised that too. He would
wish he hadnt. But then, all he knew was that Chris
was hurting and that he had to help him, anyway that
he could.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   Joey gave Lance a reasurring squeeze, and then left
them a little privacy, he had a lot to think about.

   "I dont hate you, you know." Lance refused to look
at Jc, but his words rang true. Jc let out his breath
slowly. "Then why did you run?" Lance shook his head.
He wasnt going to tell him, not yet. The only person
who knew about his sexuality was Joey, and for now it
would stay that way.

   "I cant tell you. Just know its not what you
think." That just made JC confused more than ever. And
hurt, that Lance couldnt tell him. But then again he
had been guilty of the same thing. He was afraid. If
Lance reacted this way now, how would he react if JC
told him that he loved him, that he had always loved
him?

   So he didnt. But He had to touch him. Slowly, he
reached out his hand and tipped up Lance's chin.

    Lance let him.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The doorbell rang. He wasnt surprised really. He knew
that he would come. "We need to talk."

  He let him in, trying not to react to his lover's
cologne. Too late. His cock started to swell. "We have
to tell them."

   "No. We cant." He knew he sounded panicked, he
couldnt help it. "After today, do you think they would
care?" his lover asked.

    "I think it would be too much to handle right
now." His lover looked at him, for the first time
noticing the bulge in his pants. He blushed.

   "Sorry. I cant help it sometimes." His lover moved
closer. He shuddered, seeing the look of lust in his
lover's eyes. He knew they had started this as a way
of dealing with the lonliness on the road. He had a
feeling that it was rapidly becoming something else
entirely.

    His lover's hand slipped under his shorts to cup
his cloth covered cock. "I want you, too." The husky
words  made it hard. In more ways then one. He
groaned, then whimpered as his shorts, then his boxers
slipped down his legs.

   Oh god. Fuck... his eyes rolled back into his head
as his lover took his engorged shaft all the way to
the hilt.

    So much for talking.