Date: Mon, 17 Jun 2002 18:28:37 -0400 From: luvjc no1fan <n_luvjc@hotmail.com> Subject: Heartstrings / Chapter Ten It's been ages... but I'm finally posting Chapter Ten... Hello all... life has just been crazy beyond words of late... but it's gotten a lot better now! I've finally finished school and am officially a PhD! Of course I'm still in the same crappy job that I've had so there's not been a lot to celebrate as of yet. For those of you who don't know me, this is my first story that I've been working on for over a year now. I love getting feedback on what people like/dislike about the story so far. My name is Richard and my email is n_luvjc@hotmail.com. I will repeat the info at the end of the story for your comments, etc. The title of this story reflects that it is a love story and since it revolves around the guys from 'N Sync, I combined 'Tearing up my Heart' with 'No Strings Attached'. As a FYI, I am writhing this story I most enjoy stories - good characters, good story and good sex. I will switch around the focus of the story giving each character a chance to develop. They will all have their secrets that will unfold as the story goes along, but then again don't we all have our little secrets. But I can assure you that they won't all have the same secret. As for the formalities: This story is not intended to imply anything about the sexual orientation of the members of 'N SYNC. This story is fiction and meant for amusement only. If you shouldn't be reading this because of your age, where you live, etc. don't. If you are offended by male-male relationships/sex then this isn't the story for you. ================================================================ "Yeah Scoop, I have a question," Justin begins with a sneer, "How long have you been taking JC's cock up your ass? "What?!?" Lance exclaims? The room the fills with noise and Justin smiles to himself. 'That will teach you to ignore me JC.' He thinks. Chris' voice rises above the group as he shouts, "What the hell are you talking about Justin?" Justin calmly replies, "You'd better ask these two Chris. But I can tell you that when I walked in on them and they were naked in each other's arms, it kinda removed any doubts I had." Joey grins ear to ear and elbows JC. "You horny dog you!" JC blushes and tries to speak but can only stammer. Lance, who is normally far paler than his boyfriend, is now a dark crimson. Justin chides, "Well Scoop are you going to answer my question or are you going to deny that you and JC are fucking?" "No!" Lance shouts. "No what?" Chris exclaims. "No! you're not going to answer or No! you're not fucking JC." Lance looks at JC for guidance but there is none to give. Both men are so shocked by this unexpected attack that they reel from the implications. Justin breaks the momentary silence and leaps to his feet. He stands in front of JC and breaks into tears. "I threw myself at you!" he begins. "I've loved you for years. You've always been there for me when I've needed you, but now when I turn to you, you turn your back on me to choose Lance. Why don't you care about me?" JC leaps to his feet as well and grabs Justin's shoulders. "Bro, I do care! I told you that? We talked about this the other night. What happened?" "How about you all tell me what happened?" Chris says. "I'm literally confused as hell!" Joey whispers, "Shut up!" "Make me!" is Chris' charming reply. JC ignores the two of them and looks briefly at Lance and then back to Justin. "Curly, I didn't plan this to happen with Lance. At least not right now. I've wanted him badly for years but I never thought I had a chance with him. But, we're in love Just. I hope that you will find a way to be happy for us. I also hope that you know my feelings for you will always be strong. I love you too bro!" "Yeah, that's the problem. You love me like a brother! I don't need a brother, I need someone who loves me that will be there for me. Just me!" Justin wails. "I'll always be there for you Justin!" JC replies. "BULLSHIT!!! You will be too much in love. Besides, you weren't there to protect me before." JC is puzzled by this but presses on. "Protect you from what?" Justin is silent. He hadn't intended on blurting that out but the pain in his heart has him trapped. "Justin" JC says to get his friend's attention, "Talk to me! What didn't I protect you from?" "From Lou." Justin whispers. The dawning awareness of what Justin says hits JC like a truck. His mind reels as he envisions Lou forcing himself on Justin. Overwhelmed by his own thoughts and feelings, JC slumps to the ground taking Justin with him. "You mean Lou..." Chris begins. "That's right!" Justin snaps. "He's been raping me for years. Since my first day in the group. He told me that if we wanted a contract I had to put out. If we wanted our first record, I had to put out. If I didn't want to be hurt, I had to put out. And boy did I put out. He's fucked every hole I've got and I hated every minute of it. But, I did it so I could be a star. So we could be stars. I did it because I loved you Josh, but now you've turned your back on me." "Oh Justin," JC begins. "I'm so sorry." Justin pulls himself free from JC's grasp and pulls himself to his feet. "Don't you dare feel sorry for me! You don't have the right! I don't want your pity. I want your love!" "I do love you. I've told you that!" "But you love Lance more. Lance, I don't blame you. JC's hot and a great guy. So are you for that matter, but... Actually, I don't know... I need to get out of here." Justin's face is wet with tears as he runs from the now silent room." "Oh my god" JC whispers. "What have I done?" Joey stands up and pulls JC to his feet. "You didn't do anything. It's not your fault it's Lou's. And as much as I'm ready to kill him right now... the one thing I know for certain is that we are getting away from him however we have to!" "Joe's right!" Chris adds. "We were already talking about it, but this makes it definite. We're breaking that contract and maybe breaking Lou's face." Lance wipes his own tears from his eyes and adds, "Chris, I'm as upset as you are, but we can't do it that way. We'll break the contract... we'll get away, but we can't become like Lou and lose ourselves in the process." "Scoop's right" Joey says. "But damn I want to punch something." "You can start with me." JC says softly. The other three men turn in his direction with their eyes wide in disbelief. "Babe, you can't mean that." Lance says in comfort. "Why not? Because you love me? That doesn't mean that I didn't fail Justin. That I shouldn't have been there to protect him!" "We'll all feel that way JC." Joey adds. "But..." "No buts!" JC interrupts. "I failed him, and it cost him his innocence. If I fail him now, there's no telling what I'll cost him." "Oh Josh," Lance says while he reaches out for his boyfriend. "No, Lance. Not now." JC replies coldly. Lance recoils from Josh's words, the hurt showing clearly in his green eyes. Joey pulls Chris' arm and says "let's go check on Justin and give these guys a moment." The unusually quiet Chris merely nods and moves with his friend out the door. "Josh, Please come sit with me." Lance says. A very long moment passes before Josh even begins to move and even then, he moves very slowly, deliberately and sits beside Lance. Lance reaches out his right hand and lays two fingers on Josh's strong chin and notices that it is trembling. He lifts Josh's chin and their eyes meet. "Josh, I love you and I can see how much this is hurting you. Hell, it's hurting me too. Please let me help." The tremble in Josh's chin becomes stronger and finally the tears are uncontrollable and Lance pulls the strong, sweet man into his arms and lets him cry. Not a word passes between them. Lance's warm hands stroke Josh's hair and run down his back. He can feel his shirt become damn then soaked from Josh's tears, but still he does nothing but hold onto his love. After a long while, Josh lifts his head and there is love in his eyes once again. "I don't deserve you." He begins but is quickly silenced with a kiss. "No. Justin didn't deserve to be hurt that way, but you definitely deserve to be loved." Lance states breaking the kiss. "You don't understand Scoop. I promised I'd look after him. I promised and I failed. I knew what Lou was like, but I never thought he was hurting Justin." Lance's puzzled look compels Josh to continue. "When we were trying to form the band, Lou came on to me and told me he'd listen to the demo if I did something for him. He wanted a blowjob so I did it. Hell, he damn sure wasn't my first. When we were trying to get the contract with him, he did it again so I did. Then, when he tried again, I turned him down. I told him that it wasn't right and if he tried it again I'd report him. He never touched me again so I thought it was over. I didn't realize that he had simply switched partners. So you see, it's all my fault!" Josh crumbles again into sobs, and Lance continues to hold him. He rocks him softly and whispers "it's not your fault" and "it'll be okay" over and over. Long moments pass until, Josh pulls back and wipes his eyes. "I love you so much Lance. I can't believe how incredible you are and how lucky I am that you want to be part of my fucked up life." "Of course I want to be part of your life. I love you too and will continue to love you forever. I also want you to know that no one thinks that what happened to Justin is your fault, and I wish you wouldn't think it either. I can't believe how awful Lou is. He hurt you and Justin more that I would have ever guessed." "You don't understand Lance. My innocence was lost long ago. Lou had nothing he could take from me. I should have been the one. Not sweet Justin. He's always been so sensitive and shy. I don't think anyone but me knows exactly how shy he is. I should have watched out for him better. I should have killed Lou long ago." "Josh, I..." Lance begins but is interrupted. "Sweetheart, I really appreciate you being here for me, but I really need some time to myself right now. I have a lot to sort through before tonight." 'Tonight!' Lance thought. 'I'd completely forgotten about the MTV Music Awards!' "How the hell are we going to be able to perform tonight?" he finally asks. "Because, we won't give Lou the satisfaction of knowing that he's hurt us! That's how." "Are you sure?" "No. But I'm sure that he'll never touch Justin again." "We both can be sure of that." "Lance, I know it's shitty of me; but I have to get some time to myself. Clear my head. Please understand." "I'll try, but not too long please. I need to be with you right now." "Okay babe, not too long. I promise." "Okay, I'll go check with Joey and see how Justin is doing and make sure that everyone still wants to perform tonight." "Thanks babe, you're my rock." Josh kisses Lance deeply and moves out the door. His heart is breaking and his mind is reeling. 'Justin's the one person in my life that I could always count on. His playfulness and affection for me. God, I love him so much. How could Lou hurt him so terribly? Why couldn't I have been stronger? Why couldn't I have keep Lou occupied? Why did I not see what was going on? Why do I hurt everyone I love?' These thoughts flooded his brain and his tears began to fall again as he walked down the hall and out the front door. He had no idea where he was going but he knew he needed to get out of here. ========================================================================== "Can you believe all of this shit?" Chris asks. "About JC and Lance? Actually, yeah. They fit. About Lou? Well, unfortunately that fits too. I always knew he was a bastard. I just didn't know how much of one." At the sound of that name, Chris clenches his Jaw. "What a total fucking bastard!" They arrive at Justin's door and Joey knocks. "Just? You in there?" After several long moments, the door opens. "Hi guys." Justin says smiling. "What's up?" Joey and Chris exchange a confused look and then turn their eyes back to Justin who is smiling broadly. "I'm sorry," he says. "Just a little joke." "And not a funny one at that." Chris mutters. "I know you guys are here to make sure I'm okay and I really appreciate it. I really do. And I am okay. It actually feels good to have finally told you guys about Lou." "Curly," Joey begins. "Whatever you want us to do we will. We're totally here for you man." "I know Joe. And thanks. Actually, there is something that you can do for me." "Name it!" Joey and Chris respond simultaneously. "Well, Chris could you go and tell JC and Lance that we are definitely still performing tonight. There is no way I'm gonna let that bastard ruin this night for us. We've worked too hard." "Are you sure?" Chris asks. Justin nods his head firmly and Chris heads back the way he came. "Poor guy," Justin says. "He's trying hard to be cool about all of this." "He loves you." Joey says. "We all love you." Justin pulls Joey into his room and shuts the door. "I know Joe. And I love all of you. But JC hurt me. I wanted him to be my 'One' not my brother. I need someone to be in love with me." "Justin, you will find that person someday. It's probably not going to be JC, but it'll be someone." "What about you Joe? You say you love me. You didn't seem to think of me as a brother a few weeks ago. Unless of course you have sex with your brother, Steve." "Jesus, Justin. I'm so sorry. I would have never come on to you like that then if I had know everything that you were going through. I just wanted to give you a good time. Sex can be fun as long as both people feel the same way about it." "So you're saying that you wouldn't want to have sex with me now that you know I'm damaged goods." "That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that I think you're pretty vulnerable and it was pretty shitty of me to hit on you." "What if I hit on you?" "Huh?" Was all Joey had to say before his mouth was invaded by Justin's tongue. Justin surprise kiss knocks Joey enough off balance too that Justin easily guides him to the bed. Joey's soft pleas of "Justin stop" are ignored as Justin quickly opens Joeys pants. Justin grabs the rod of flesh and frees it from Joey's underwear. Justin doesn't even bother to remove Joey's pants all the way. He has what he wants and the fact that it is now hard shows that it wants him too. In a flash, Justin straddles Joeys hips and impales himself on Joey's thick hard cock. The pain of the dry entry sends shivers through Justin's body. 'Sex always has to include pain.' The muscles in Justin's ass clench Joey so violently that he is actually afraid that Justin may rip he cock off. He lifts his hips to relieve some of the tension and Justin moans. "That's right stud. Thrust it into me. You know you want it." Justin moans again and begins to bounce furiously on Joey's cock. Joey is! still softly saying "no" over and over again but his body betrays him. His cock rockets in and out of Justin's ass with the fury that Justin thrusts onto him. He watches in amazed horror as Justin pinches his nipples so hard they turn purple. The pain that crosses Justin's face is immediately replaced by pure pleasure. Justin grabs Joey's hand and uses it to beat on his own chest. "Slap me Joe!" Joey tries to pull his hand away but Justin holds on. "Slap me you limp fuck. How do you expect me to feel this if you don't." Joey is so shaken by Justin's words that he doesn't realize that he has let his arm go slack. Justin is now using Joey's arm as a weapon. He smacks his face with Joey's hand and moans again. Over and over Justin thrusts his ass onto Joey's cock. Over and over he beats himself in the face and chest with Joey's hand all the while his gaze remains locked on Joey's eyes. Way too soon for Justin's appetite Joey grunts and Justin can feel his cock th! robbing as he pumps hot cum into his ass. "You done with me that quickly Joe?" Justin taunts as he impaled himself one final time and allows his own orgasm to overtake his body. Hot jets of semen fly from his cock and spray over Joey's shirt and face. Seconds pass and he pulls himself off of Joey's cock and leans down and licks up his own semen. First from his face, and then down he sucks it from the fabric of Joey's shirt. Finally, he swallows Joey's cock in one motion and sucks it clean of cum and the taste of his own ass. "Jesus, Justin" Joey whispers. "I don't think Jesus had anything to do with that Joe. But thanks for the fuck. I needed that after the day I've had. Now, if you don't mind, would you give me some time to rest before the show tonight?" Stunned speechless, Joey moves from Justin's bed. After everything that just happened he can't believe that all he has to do to is zip up his fly and button his pants. He felt like he had been ripped naked but all Justin had done was release his penis. "Uhm... Justin?" "Joe, we're both big boys here right? I needed a cock. You have a cock. It's as simple as that okay? Don't go making more out of it that it is." Joey silently turns and slips out of the door. 'Jesus fucking Christ' he thinks to himself. 'Was that the wildest sex I've ever had or was I just raped?' Justin fights back the feelings of regret that begin to form in his mind. His conscience is trying to tell him that what he just did wasn't right. But he forces his mind silent by sticking two fingers in his ass and bringing the cum covered digits to his mouth and sucking them clean. "I'm a cum whore now and need to be proud of my skills." He says outloud. Still naked, Justin turns to the door as he hears a knock. "Come in," He calls. The door opens and Justin is greeted by the startled expression of the room service waiter. "Umm" He stammers. "You ordered lunch?" Justin greedily eyes the man carrying the tray. He is close to six feet tall and with broad shoulders. He looks to be about thirty, but was still trim. In fact, he looks pretty built. More like a construction worker than a waiter. His nametag reads 'Stephen'. Stephen's eyes are chocolate brown and his hair cut close was the same colour. Justin has seen worse... but he has also seen much better... but either way he is still horny. "Set it down over there if you don't mind," Justin says pointed to a table in the corner. He moves up behind the man and stands close so that as Stephen puts down the tray and turns he bumps right into Justin. "I don't seem to have my wallet right now, Stephen." Justin says as he rubs his hands from his chest to his torso. "I'm afraid I'll have to figure out another way of giving you a tip." Stephen's voice is low and deep as he speaks. "Listen, boy. Don't think you're gonna tease me with that boyband body of yours. I know who you are and I know that you've got security all over this floor. If you want to stiff me on the tip that's fine, but I'm not going to be some fool for your amusement." Justin smiled at the man's strength. He was so turned on by this man right now. "Security has nothing to do with this. If you want me, I'm yours for the taking." At this Justin lowers himself to the floor in front of the powerful man and begins to lick and chew at the man's crotch. "You little twinks are all alike. You want nothing more than a hard cock and a mouthful of cum." Stephen snarled. "I hope you're ready for this boy, because there no turning back now." "Trust me stud, I can take all you want to offer and probably more." "We'll see about that." Stephen says smiling and walks to the phone and picks up the receiver. "Lou, It's me Stephen. We've got a fruit cup here. Yeah, that's right and he looks pretty hungry. Why don't you give me a few minutes and round up some guys and head on up. Great. That's right, the blond. No the one with the curly hair. Okay. See you in a few." Justin doesn't react to this conversation other than to continue to fondle Stephen's hard penis through the fabric of his uniform. "Listen, boy. You wouldn't believe how many of you punks throw yourselves at me here. Why do you think I keep doing this job? Just so I can have my cock services by young punks like you. Just this morning some little fairy here with his parents lost his cherry to my cock. Begged me to stop too. But once I get going. There ain't nothing stopping me." Stephen grabs Justin by the hair and pulls him to his feet. He violently shoves him across the room so that he lands sprawling on the bed. Stephen walks toward him with a sneer and deftly removes his clothes. Justin smiles when he sees the monster cock between the man's legs. Joey's cock had been nice but not nearly big enough to satisfy the hunger inside of him. He moves to take the cock in his mouth recoils when a hard slap lands on his face. "Look stud," Justin begins. "I like it as rough as you want, but no need to beat on me." "Listen punk," Stephen snarls. "Those better be the last words I hear from you other than 'deeper' and 'harder'. You're the one standing here like the whore that you are. You're lucky for me to waste my time on you and even luckier that I willing to give you a ride on my nice hard cock that you need so badly. Now shut up and turn over. Get that ass in the air. Ah, I see there will be no cherries for me here today. In fact, this gaping ass may be too loose for me to bother with." Justin's mind was reeling with lust and fear. This guy was being very rough and seemed to not care whether or not Justin was hurt. His body responds to each one of the man's commands and he is now propped up on his elbows with his ass in the air. Stephen smiles at the trickle of semen leaking from the upturned ass. "You may be the biggest slut I've ever met." He says while he spits on Justin's ass. In one hard thrust he impales Justin and begins to roughly thrust his hard cock in and out of his ass. Stephen silences Justin's cries of pain by grabbing a handful of hair and shoving Justin's face into the bed. With the other hand he violently slaps Justin's ass. "Back up on that cock, slut!" Justin's mind struggles as he gasps for air. He is close to being smothered by the force of the hand on the back of his head. He is so out of it that he barely notices when his head is suddenly lifted and a cock is thrust in his mouth. "That's right Lou you plug his mouth so I can use both hands." Stephen grabs Justin's hips and pulls the young man hard onto his cock. Lou appears to be older than Stephen and is short and a little stocky. His cock resembles its owner's frame. Justin's mouth stretches wide to take the full length of Lou's thick shaft and from the corner of his eye, Justin can see three or four other people in the room now too. Justin's mind reels as his brain wars within itself. The small part of his brain that asks "what am I doing?" is quickly squashed by the more powerful need for sex. The war over, Justin begins to act the part of the whore he's become. "Harder!" he screams. Stephen is only too glad to oblige until at last he thrusts deep into Justin's ass and let loose a volley of semen. Justin's disappointment and the removal of Stephen's cock is quickly assuaged when a new one takes it's place. The penis in his mouth swells and releases its seed and Justin drinks it down hungrily. Little remains of Justin's true self other than his overwhelming desire for more semen. Justin moans with regret as Stephen pulls his rod out of Justin's ass after depositing his third load in Justin's bowels. Stephen turns to his co-workers and announces, "Boys, I do believe this slut takes the cake. We've done all but beat him unconscious and tear his ass open, and he is still begging for more." "I ain't got a drop left to give!" the man named Lou announces. "Well I do," Stephen responds. "But I don't think it's what he's after." Stephen lunges his hips so that his cock is once again lodged in Justin's ass and Justin smiles with contentment. This smile quickly fades as he feels hot liquid begin to fill his bowels. The seconds it takes for him to realize what Stephen is doing pass in a blur. He screams "YES!" only to be silenced by the back of Stephen's hand. The pain that stings in Justin's cheek quickly converts to pleasure as Justin's ass clamp down on Stephen's cock sending Justin into his fifth orgasm of the last hour. His bladder empty, Stephen grabs Justin by the waist and lifts him while still impaled on his cock. He glides into the bathroom and deposits the teen idol into the tub and pulls out his cock. Immediately, slime starts sliding down Justin's legs for he cannot get his well-fucked ass to close all the way. Justin lays down in the filth as the remaining guys follow Stephen's lead and deposit their urine on Justin's body. Justin's body wracks with a sixth, yet dry orgasm, as he opens his mouth and allows his mouth to fill and then swallow. He remains still as the men quickly dress and leave. The whole time they are laughing at the worthless slut they had just used. Stephen's the last to go and calls out to Justin as he closes the door. "That's a great ass you have there faggot. You can be my whore anytime you want. As long as you beg for it of course." For a long while Justin lays in the filthy tub reveling in his wanton act. 'I wish JC could see me now,' he thinks to himself. 'He may not want me, but there are plenty of guys that do!' Reluctantly, he raises himself to his feet and turns on the shower. He rinses the semen and urine from his body but he revels at their taste in his mouth. His penis is once again erect as he begins to towel himself off. He pulls on it a few times, but then wraps the towel around his waist. He stops at the sink in the bathroom to use the mirror. The pubic hair lodged in Justin's teeth takes a few moments effort to work its way free. Justin blinks as he looks at himself in the mirror. His lips are swollen and puffy. There is a bright red handprint on his left cheek. He turns and gasps as he sees the scratches, teeth marks and hand prints that cover his shoulders, back and ass cheeks. "Those men were rough," He muses. "But damn, they were good fucks." He looks in the mirror one more time and suddenly has the realization that he doesn't recognize the person looking back at him. "Shut the fuck up!" He screams as he puts his palms to his temples. "At least I'm not alone" he whispers and rushes from the room. Without the sight of naked male flesh to provide him a distraction, Justin's brain is once again at war. The thoughts rush about in his young mind, but do not pause long enough to be deciphered. Tears begin to flow freely and his shoulders heave with the force of his sobs. His mouth is open yet no sound comes forth. Silently, and slowly, his eyes close and he drifts off to sleep. "I can't believe I slept almost two hours." Justin remarks as he rubs sleep from his eyes. "I don't know why you had that little meltdown brain, but you need to stop! There is nothing wrong with me having sex with whomever I want. It's not like anyone else wants me." Justin is still naked except for the towel around his waist. He notices that more semen has leaked from his ass onto the towel and he quickly wipes it up and throws the towel in the corner. He grabs a pair of boxers from his suitcase and looks around the room. "I guess I would have expected more of a mess after an orgy" He announces. As he glances around the room, he notices his laptop and hesitates. He hadn't responded to email in weeks. He had already been yelled at by his mom too for not responding. Justin's uncertain as he opens the laptop and boots it up. Forty-three messages await him in his in box. Twenty-four of these messages he quickly deletes. The next eight are quick notes from friends just wondering where he was. There were the six messages from his mom that she mentioned as she was yelling at him for not returning his messages. He quickly opens the most recent and types: Yes Mommy dearest... I've been very bad... I promise to be better about writing... satisfied? :) Four messages stand out like beacons, for they bear Tay's email address. The subject lines express a bewilderment that Justin hasn't responded. The final email makes Justin's blood run cold. It's from Lou. Justin's fingers pause for merely a second before he opens this email first. From:Louknowho To:J'semail Sub:MTV Awards J, Tonight's the big night. I know you'll do great. You always do. I'm so proud of each and everyone of you. You're years of hard work and dedication have finally begun to pay off. Good luck tonight! Lou Ps... I booked a private suite and would like us to have our own private party tonight after the awards. You're a smart boy so I know you'll show. Justin shakes with fury as he reads Lou's email. 'It's just like everything with that bastard.' He thinks. 'First he comes across as so caring and loving... like a father... then the slime that he truly is surfaces. Should I tell the guys? Should I go?' "NO!!!" he screams. "Never again!" He quickly hits delete and goes to shut down his computer. A quiet voice in his head makes him stop and instead open Tay's email. From: Tay To: Randy Subject: How's it going? Hi there. I haven't heard from you since the last email I sent. I hope everything is going well for you. I'm scared to ask if you were successful in your attempts at seducing your best friend. I'm sorry if I put pressure on you when I told you I was hoping that there might be a future for us. I know you don't really know me and may not even want to now. Please just let me know how you're doing and what's new. Okay? Take care, Tay "Don't worry Tay. You got your wish. My 'Best Friend' rejected my ass and my heart." Justin sneers. "Why don't you just go fuck yourself you whiny shit!" Justin's anger erupts from him though he's not exactly sure why. He hits the keyboard twice. Once to delete this message and once to open the next. From: Tay To: Randy Subject: Miss you. Hi Randy, I checked with the guys in the chatroom and none of them have heard from you either. They all say 'hi' btw... Randy please are you okay? I may not have the right to ask anything of you, but I'm worried so please just let me know that you're okay. I've been listening to the news and there haven't been any reported deaths of teen heartthrobs so I'm guessing that you're still alive. Please, please let me hear from you... even if it's just to tell me to get lost. Hope to hear from you soon, Tay "Oh Tay," Justin mocks. "You say you may want to be with me, but you'd turn me down just like everyone else that matters. No, thank you very much for the offer, but I'm going to stick to strangers. They fuck just as well and there are no strings attached!" The next two emails are almost identical to the second. Justin laughs out loud as he opens the last one. "Persistent little fag though isn't he?" From: Tay To: Randy Subject: Good Luck... Randy, I haven't heard from you in weeks so I'm assuming that you no longer wish to know me. I can't say that I'm happy about that, but I'll respect your decision. I can only hope that this decision is made from contentment with your life rather than fear. I hope that you are so blissfully happy that you've decided you didn't need to complicate matters with an online friendship. I hope you find joy within yourself as well as with others. I know for me as I started to deal with my abuse I lashed out first to those that appeared nice. People wanting my ass or their dick sucked I could handle. Those people I knew. It was these apparent 'nice' people that scared the shit out of me. The fact that they wanted to know me rather than use me threatened me immensely. I mean my body you could use all you want, but my soul was MINE! It took a long time for me to begin to allow some of the walls down. I'm embarrassed to tell you how many mistakes I made before I let a few people in. I was so confused that I began to only be able to relate to people with my ass. I ended up being used by more and more people. Finally, the day that my TV mom caught me getting fucked by my TV brother while sucking my TV dad I realized I had a problem. I hope you don't have to sink as low as I did in order to learn the lesson that you're not just a piece of flesh. You're a wonderful soul that deserves to shine. And shine not beca! use you're a star and the spotlight's on you, but because you're wonderful and loving and nice. If I could spare you anything, it would be to be able to grant you that knowledge. As I said, I'm going to respect your decision and leave you alone. I want you to know though, that I'll be here for you if you ever decide to need anyone. I wish you health and peace Randy. Love, Tay Justin's eyes begin to fill and then tears begin to pour out. Tay's kind words hurt more than Stephen's strongest blows. 'How can I be more than a piece of flesh when I'm constantly reminded that that's all I am?' he wonders. "And I have asked for help Tay!" He snaps. "I was just shot down!" After a long pause, a new awareness begins to dawn on Justin. "Actually, I didn't ask for help. I pulled his clothes off and stuffed his dick down my throat." Justin doesn't realize it but he has begun to type. To: Tay From: Randy Subject: Redemption Tay, How can you know me so well when we've never met? I am so alone right now. The only time my world begins to feel at all sane is when I'm being used. I've turned into some kind of monster. No not a monster, a whore. My best friend rejected me. He told me that he loved me, but not "that way". He offered to be there for me in any way he could though. Instead of appreciating that I've turned on him... and on myself... I've done things that I won't even type because I'm too embarrassed for you to know. You are so much better than me. You deserve all the happiness that you just offered me. I am mortally wounded right now and I'm not sure if I'll survive. My strongest defenses were torn asunder by your sheer kindness. How dare you fucking leave me defenseless? You claim to know what it's like to be hurt the way that I am, but do you know what it's like to be completely alone? You bastard! NO! You're not a bastard... you may just be my saviour. I've never been so scared or confused in all my life... what I can promise you... no wait... promise myself though, is that I will never again allow myself to be used like I just was. Those men couldn't have cared whether I lived or died! I promise that I'll be better and keep my fucking slut-ass clamped shut. I know after reading all of this that I'm no one that you would really want to know so I'll thank you for your kindness and be gone from your life. I'll try to keep my promise. The guys in the band have offered to help. Hell, you never know. Maybe after the show tonight, I may even let one of them try. I need to go get ready now before they send the vj's after me... I wish you well my sweet Tay. Love, Randy ========================================================== "Joey?" Lance asks. "Huh?!?" Joey gasps being shocked back to reality. His mind had wandered to Justin and what they had done. His face blushes and his dick hardens simultaneously. "Yes, Lance." "I asked if you knew where Justin was." Lance scolds. "Uhmm..." "I checked on him before coming down Scoop." Chris interrupts. "He said he had just woken up from a nap and would be down soon." "I'm glad he was able to get some rest." Lance says with a faint smile. His thoughts flash on the hours that Josh had disappeared. He had tried not to worry too much, but he knew how upset Josh was and was scared at what he may do. He found himself laughing though when Josh finally had returned and announced that he had been to the beach. 'I worried over nothing' he chides himself. He glances quickly at Josh and continues with his notes. "I contacted the lawyers and they are busily investigating a way of us getting out of our contract with Lou. They want us to act like nothing has happened until they are ready to make the next step. I know it will be hard, but we can't say anything to anyone until then." The three other band members nod their head in agreement. "Scoop," Chris begins. "Do you have any idea how long it will take? We need to get away from Lou as soon as possible!" "Hopefully a few weeks. This way our next CD will what we want to do and not what Lou thinks will be marketable." "Great!" Chris cries. "We also need to get Justin some help." Joey interrupts. "No matter what he may say, he needs it. That level of abuse has bound to screw him up some. I'll drag him to a counselor if I have to." "Good thinking Joe." Lance responds. "He'll need not only our love but our support as he goes through that too." Lance glances at Josh through the corner of his eye. His boyfriend is sitting motionless and staring blankly. "In fact," Lance continues, "We may all need to get some help." "NO!" Lance turns in shock to see his boyfriend on his feet and his face twisted in anguish. "Josh, what's wrong?" "This has to be about Justin." JC orders. "We have to put him first!" "Calm down JC," Joey soothes. "We will keep Curly first. Don't worry about that. Nothing bad will ever happen to him again. We can all promise that." "But it's my responsibility." JC whispers. "Cut that shit out JC." Joey argues. "We all love Justin like a brother. We all care for him and we've all let him down! You're no more to blame than anyone so shut the hell up!" Lance and Chris exchange a glance both puzzled at the force of Joey's outburst. Joey and JC are now sitting with their backs to each other and their arms folded across their chests. Lance opens his mouth to speak, but can't think of anything to say that will make the situation better. "Scoop?" Chris asks quietly. "This may not be the best time, but how long have you and JC been... ummm ... dating? I mean did you know you were... gay... for a long time or did it just sort of hit you one day?" "Chris," Lance begins. "I'm not sure I know the answer to that question for myself. Being gay is something that I've always known at some level but kept hidden for so long that it's hard to pinpoint. It was like there was this part of me that I kept hidden. But it never went away. It hung over me like some shadow and would whisper in my ear. As much as I tried to change, I couldn't. I used to think that I merely wasn't strong enough, but I've come to realize recently that I wasn't strong enough because I shouldn't have tried to change something so natural." "Wow," Chris whispers. "What about your family? Have you told them?" Lance's mouth tightens at this question. "Chris, again, you're asking me questions that I don't know the answers to. This is all pretty new to me. I've got a lot left to work out, but I'm very glad to have Josh to figure it out with. And you guys too of course." Chris' smile appears slightly crooked - either uncomfortable or nervous. He slowly asks, "So you guys are serious?" "I think so. It's still pretty new, but I love him and I want to build a life togeth..." "Lance!" JC snaps. "Can we keep that private for now? No offense Chris, but I think we should have this talk together before we start to broadcast it." "No problem JC," Chris responds looking guilty but not exactly sure why. "I need to go start getting ready for the show." JC announces as he stands and leaves the room. Joey and Chris lock eyes as they both see the hurt on Lance's face at JC's sudden departure. Joey starts to speak but Lance shakes his head and stands and heads out the door in the direction that JC followed. "Damn!" Chris moans. "I didn't mean to piss him off." "He's not pissed at you Chris," Joey begins. "He's pissed at himself. He thinks he failed Justin so he's beating the hell out of himself about it." "And how about you? Why are you beating yourself up so badly?" "Because! Well... I should have seen something shouldn't I? And..." "Actually, the fault all lies with Lou. He's the bastard that hurt him and he's the bastard that threatened him so that he wouldn't tell." "I know... It's just so damn frustrating not being able to do anything." "I feel the same way bro, but we'll get our chance." The two men sit in silence and stare at the ceiling for a long while. "It's something else about JC and Lance though isn't it?" Chris says finally breaking the silence. "Yeah." Joey responds. "I think it's great." "Really? Well, I mean I want them to be happy and all but... it's kind of weird." "Think about it. They're perfect for each other. I only hope one day to find the right man or woman to settle down with, but right now, I'm just enjoying being single." "I know what you mean... HEY! Did you say MAN or woman?" "That's right Einstein. I'm bisexual. You're the only straight guy in the bunch!" Chris' mouth hangs open, which is not unusual. What is out of the ordinary is that no noise is ushering forth. "Jesus," He finally says. "This certainly has been the summer of surprises. Maybe the world really is going to end on the Millennium." "Well then little-man maybe you ought to try some man sex before then. You don't know what you're missing." "That's okay thanks. I'm perfectly happy with breasts thank you very much!" "You just let me know if you ever wanna try a dick out... you know just for a test drive... I'll be glad to let you give mine a go." For a second time in recent history, Chris' mouth hangs open and no words come forth. "Better close your mouth Chris. You may catch a fly." Justin teases as he enters the room. "Sorry, I'm late. I was working hard to make myself beautiful for the masses." "You're always most beautiful on the inside anyway Curly." Joey says warmly. "Which is good, because you're looking a little rough around the edges tonight. Which is understandable. I can't imagine that you got a lot of rest recently." "Thanks Joe. That's really very sweet." Justin says meaning it. "I did get some rest this afternoon. And Joe, sorry about before." "Before?" Chris asks. "Think nothing of it Curly. A bit on the wild side, but let's talk more about that later." "Excuse me! Before?" Chris asks again louder. "None of your business Chris," Joey scolds. "You ready for tonight J?" "As I'll ever be," Justin replies. "How about you two? Don't you need to start getting dressed?" "Yeah, probably so." Joey says. "C'mon Chris. You can pout on the way." "I'm not pouting!" Chris pouts. "Hey," Justin calls after them. "Where are Lance and JC?" "They headed that way." Joey answers pointing in the direction of JC's room. "Probably to get dressed I imagine." "Thanks" Justin calls back already heading in that direction. =========================================================== Lance rushes out of the room and sees Josh turn the corner heading toward his room. His legs move quickly to catch up. Josh's legs are longer and taking huge strides. Lance is within a few paces as Josh reaches his door. "Lance..." He begins seeing his boyfriend rushing toward him. "I'm sorry if I stepped over some line that I didn't know existed!" Lance snaps back. "But that is no reason to shut me out." "I'm not shutting you out." Josh defends. "I want to keep us between us right now." "That's not what I'm talking about." "Then what?" "This afternoon you said you needed some space. So, even though it was very hard for me, I didn't argue. I wanted to be there and help you. Comfort you. Whatever! But I respected that you needed your space." "I did! I needed to clear my head." "Fine! But when you got back. You said maybe two words to me. In no way did you let me know how you were... what you were thinking... what I could do to help..." Josh opened his door and held it allowing Lance to enter the room as well before pushing it shut. His mind is so focused on Lance that he doesn't even notice that it doesn't shut all the way. "There's nothing for you to do. This was my screw up and my responsibility to fix!" "Fuck you!" Josh has never heard Lance curse like that and is shocked silent. "How dare you place all the blame on yourself. You're not God! We all missed it! But we can be together to help fix it!" "But not only did I miss the fact that Justin was being hurt all these years. I hurt him personally when I turned him down." Josh screams as he breaks into tears. "Josh, we've already talked about you having a hard time letting people in. Hell, you even asked me to nag you when I saw you doing it. I'm here. Let me in!" "It's not that simple Lance. I've hurt everyone I've ever cared about and everyone I've ever cared about has ended up hurting me too. It's all so hard." "So you're condemning me to that fate even before allowing me to try?" "No! I'm just trying to explain why it's so hard for me." "Babe, I'm not trying to belittle that in anyway, but I deserve a chance at proving myself to you." "Lance, sweetheart. I know and I'm sorry. I've been struggling all day. It's so hard when it comes to Justin. He's like another part of myself. We've always been so close and for me to not have seen all that's been going on really hurts. You know? It's like, I can tell you exactly what he'll have for breakfast three days in a row; but right now I don't even feel like I know him. It scares me. I scares me for him. But it also scares me for me. My mind is so twisted right now." "Josh, as long as there is still room in that mind of yours for me, we'll be okay." "Oh Lance! I haven't changed my mind nor my heart. I've loved you forever and will continue for the rest of my days. Even though I have to focus on Justin right now, don't think I've forgotten one minute about us or about what day it is." "Oh shit! I'd completely forgotten." Lance says blushing. "Well I haven't. We've grown very close in the past month, and if you're still willing, I do still want to consummate our relationship tonight. I've booked the nicest suite in the hotel for us after the show." "Really?" "Yes. Weeks ago. And today when I needed to clear my head, I went there and it's beautiful. Though not as beautiful as you." "Oh Josh," Lance says pulling his boyfriend into a passionate embrace. The two would-be lovers kiss long and earnestly. Each man grabbing tightly to the other in a need to be as close as possible. Finally, temporarily satiated they part. "Lance," Josh begins. "I care about Justin, but I love you. You will always come before Justin in my heart." The two men again kiss not noticing the hurt look on the face of their bandmate who had just made it to Josh's door. ============================================== "You will always come before Justin in my heart." Those words still echo in Justin's mind. The show had gone great and even the 'old school' rockers seemed to nod in agreement. For a few minutes every trouble in the world slipped away as they sang and dances. The applause from the audience creating such a rush that they literally ran off stage to their dressing rooms. Justin was very grateful at the moment to have his own for he was trying his best to keep it together. "You will always come before Justin in my heart." 'How could Josh say that?' He thinks. 'After everything that we've been through and all that he means to me. How can he just cast me away like that?' He stares into his own sad eyes which are looking back from him from the illuminated mirror. 'My feelings for JC just have to go away!' He resolves silently. 'He doesn't care enough about me to tear himself away from Lance.' An overwhelming desire to be held right now fills Justin's mind. In a mere second he is tempted a thousand times to go seek a man in order to satisfy that need. "It's not fair!" He announces. Justin nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels arms encircle his narrow waist and someone whisper "Who ever said it was?" "Jesus Christ Nick! You scared the shit out me!" Justin screams. "I'm sorry stud." Nick smiles. "I didn't realize you were so lost in that pretty brain of yours. Thinking about me?" "Actually, in a way I guess I was." "Why's that stud. You feeling horny after putting on such a great show?" "Something like that," Justin says quietly. Nick moves closer to Justin allowing one hand to rest on Justin's cheek and the other to glide down the small of his back until it rests on his ass. "C'mon stud. Let Nicky kiss it and make it all better." "Nick, stop." Justin says attempting to push Nick away. "I need to be alone. You may not understand this, but I've decided not to continue the way I've been going." "And what way is that?" "Having sex with anything with a dick!" Justin spits. "And what the hell is wrong with that?" "It doesn't solve anything. I actually makes things hurt more." "Sex is supposed to hurt stud. It's a slut's burden in life. Didn't Lou teach you that?" "Only too well." Justin whispers. "Same here! I thought we were together in this 'Fuck em All!' mentality. They treat us like flesh so flesh is all they get!" "Yeah... but don't you ever want more?" "Hell yeah! That's when I go start an orgy somewhere. When one guy just isn't enough!" Despite himself, Justin smiles and then laughs quietly. "You're too much!" "I try my best!" Nick says back flashing a killer smile. "Now, what do you say about a little fun?" Nick doesn't wait for an answer before planting his tongue firmly in Justin's throat. 'Jesus! This feels good.' Justin thinks. 'But I can't!... I need to be strong for... for what? I can't remember... shit! He's got me so hard. Maybe just one more time with Nick. He is hot as hell and hard to resist.' Justin's resolve completely crumbles as Nick's expert hands cup his ass and massage his penis simultaneously. Nick drops to his knees and frees Justin's penis and swallows it like it's a lifeline. Justin throws his head back and shuts his eyes. He jerks forward when the warm hot mouth leaves his penis to be greeted by Nick's smile. Nick moves closer and Justin can taste his own precum on Nick's tongue. He notices too late that there is something else on Nick's tongue. Something slightly bitter. He tries to pull back but Nick uses his tongue to propel something down Justin's throat. "What the hell did you just do?" Justin cries trying to free himself from Nick's grip. "Shhh... stud. Let it work it's magic." Nick says soothingly. "It's just a little E. Nothing to be afraid of. Just will loosen you up." "Fuck! You drugged me?" "No... I am trying to give you the time of your life. Now shut the fuck up and enjoy it." Nick's slap stings Justin's cheek and he stops his struggle. His resolve is completely gone now and he is too tired to fight Nick off anymore. Justin doesn't notice anything odd at first. Nick's expert mouth switches between his own mouth, his right nipple, and his still hard cock. Very slowly though he starts to feel a little lightheaded and begins to smile. Nick can tell the tab has just hit the mark when Justin begins to lean to one side slightly. "C'mon stud! Let's go make a party!" Justin doesn't even struggle as he is led from the room through a maze of corridors and into one of the green rooms. His mind swirls to the point of confusion. He doesn't notice the strange looks from the other people in the room or the eloquent "That dude is wasted!" from one scruffy looking guy who looks vaguely familiar. Justin allows himself to be maneuvered into a corner where Nick immediately begins kissing him hard again. Justin's mind explodes with pleasure as Nick caresses him and forcefully kisses him. The surprised looks of the others in the room do nothing to stop these two teen heartthrobs. Justin reacts slightly to Nick pulling his shirt from his body, but the feel of his mouth on the newly exposed flesh quickly silences him. Justin thinks he hears someone exclaim "Shit! Those two boyband twinks are gonna fuck right here!" This thought puzzles Justin until he now realizes that Nick has him completely naked. "Nick..." he tries to say but is again silenced by Nick's mouth pressing on his own. "Just go with it." Nick whispers and pulls back. Nick quickly spits on his cock and then rams it into Justin in one thrust. Justin's cry of pain is echoed by two or three of the 'celebs' in the room. "Just sit back and enjoy the show" Justin hears Nick announce as Nick begins to thrust in and out of his ass. The pleasure from Nick's cock transcends any reservation in Justin's drug addled mind and he begins to moan. Justin's reverie is interrupted minutes later as Nick pulls out and shoots semen all over Justin's prone, naked body. "Next!" is all Justin hears before a new form takes the place vacated by Nick. Again, Justin feels a hard cock enter his body. ============================================== "Lance, Justin seemed pretty good tonight didn't he?" Josh asks buttoning his shirt. "Yeah, babe." Lance smiles back. "Almost like he didn't have a care in the world." "Have I told you lately that I love you?" "As a matter of fact no." "Well, I do love you James Lansten Bass. With all of my heart." "And I love you too Joshua Scott Chasez. But to be perfectly honest, I'm not that interested in your heart right now." Josh is again shocked by his boyfriend when he reaches and crabs Josh's crotch. "I need some of this as well as your heart." Lance says giving Josh's growing member a squeeze. "I cannot believe how quickly you've become a total slut!" Josh teases. "We haven't even had sex yet and you can't keep your hands off me. Lord help me when you become truly insatiable after I work my magic on you." "Is that a promise?" "It is indeed Mr. Bass." "Then let's get the hell upstairs!" "Right behind you. But first, I just want to peek in and tell Justin goodnight." Lance opens his mouth to protest but then sees the earnest look in Josh's eyes pleading with him to be okay with this. Lance smiles and changes his words and says "say goodnight to him for me too" as he kisses Josh one last time. 'Lance, you may deserve an Oscar, an Emmy, and fucking sainthood for that performance!' Lance thinks to himself as he watches his boyfriends long, strong form slide from the room. He quickly gathers his stuff and hurries to the elevator. He wants to be out of the dressing room before some well-intentioned fans discover him and he is tied up signing autographs for the next hour. "Hurry up my love," he whispers as the doors of the elevator close and he begins his ascent to the floor above. Lance lets himself in the door to the suite with the key Josh had given him earlier and is immediately taken aback. The room is large and nicely furnished. The common area has a beautiful camelback sofa facing a marble fireplace. To the left of the couch is a very inviting comfy leather chair. Lance notices the dim lights and the soft music and murmurs, "Nice touch Mr. Chasez." This sentiment is dwarfed by the surprise that awaits him as he opens the door to the bedroom. The large bed is covered with a cream-coloured duvet with rose petals scattered about. The room is filled with candles that have been lit and reflect their light about the room. Lance's breath leaves him as he exhales in sheer bliss. "This is the most romantic thing I've ever seen." He says as his heart swells with love for his boyfriend. In fact, he notices that his heart isn't the only thing that has swollen. He quickly massages the growing lump in his pants and moves to the bed. He starts to undress in order to prepare himself for Josh's arrival, but he stops himself. "What if he wants me to undress for him? Or what if he wants to undress me himself?" Showing great strength of character, he removes his hands from his groin and continues to move about the suite drinking in every aspect with his eyes. "Come to me, Josh." ========================================================== "Where the hell is he?" JC exclaims. "I've looked in his dressing room and around backstage. He hasn't gone back into the audience so where is he?" Unfortunately, JC is talking to himself so he gets no response to his pleas. He races from room to room searching his brain for a clue to Justin's whereabouts. Minutes pass by quickly as the young man searches in vain for his friend. 'Maybe I should call Lance and tell him that I'm on my way.' He thinks to himself as he now begins looking for a free phone. He's walking up behind two guys that he recognizes from a grunge band and has his mouth open to ask when he stops dead in his tracks. His ears fill themselves with the words that are coming from these two mouths and he instantly is overwhelmed. "Yeah, I can't believe that shit either. I knew those boybands were filled with fags, but that curly haired slut is amazing." The long-haired bass player says. "Damn right," the lead singer chimes in. "He's had more cock up his ass tonight that most hookers in Hollywood. I'm definitely heading back to that greenroom after our show!" "Me too!" JC's mind aches as he easily puts these pieces together. "Oh Justin..." he whispers. Shaking his head to clear it, JC turns quickly and races back along the corridor to the greenroom farthest away from the stage. He remembered seeing it earlier and thought that it was odd to have one so far away. Arriving at the door, he pauses. Fear overtakes him. 'What has Justin done? What has he become? How could I have let this happen?' are the thoughts that race through JC's mind. He's too afraid to have his worst fears confirmed so he remains frozen in place. He's quickly snapped back to reality though when he hears Justin's distinct voice crying from the other side of the door. JC can't hear the words, but he can tell they're Justin's. He reaches out and opens the door and is overwhelmed at what he sees. His worst fear wasn't by far bad enough. Justin is sprawled on his back on a black table holding his legs in the air while that long-blond rock singer is pounding his cock in and out of Justin's ass. Justin's chest is covered with semen. Not just spots here and there, but literally drenched. Semen has flowed off of his chest and collected in pools on either side of Justin on the table. Aside from the man fucking Justin, there are at least twelve other guys with their cocks out ready for action. JC recognizes almost all of them. They're actors, musicians, comedians and VJ's. He opens his mouth to scream, but he's cut off by the roar of the rocker's orgasm as he pumps yet more semen into Justin's ass. Finally, JC finds his senses and screams. "Get the fuck out of here! All of you!" A dozen heads in unison turn and look startled. "Hey dude," Blond rocker says, "He's beggin' for it. Why don't you come over here and get some for yourself." "Shut the hell up and get the hell out. How can you do this? He's barely eighteen?" "Sweetcheeks, that ass might be eighteen, but it's seen more miles than a freeway!" JC's inexperienced fist is easily ducked by the much more urban rock star. JC reels back as he's not so fortunate to have dodged the blow intended for him. "Please leave him alone." JC cries as he watches yet another guy enter Justin and begin to pump away. "Why the hell do you even care?" JC hears Justin call. JC picks himself from the floor and rushes past two sets of hands trying to hold him back and makes it to Justin's side. He manages to push the man away from Justin's ass and plants himself in his place. He turns on the crowd and screams "Get the hell out!" once again. He's more successful this time and the men start to file from the room grumbling and flipping JC the finger. He turns back around and realized that he is standing right at Justin's naked ass. "J, what happened?" is all he can manage to say. "Again I ask, why the fuck do you even care? You've got Lance now and I quote: 'You will always come before Justin in my heart.' So go to him. Leave me alone and let me enjoy myself." JC recoils from his own words leaving Justin's mouth. "How did you...?" "How did I know?" Justin snaps, "I heard you and Scoop talking about me that's how!" "Well," JC retorts, "You obviously didn't hear the whole conversation, because what I was saying was that I did have to put you first right now!" "Oh gee thanks," Justin sneers, "I really do appreciate that the great Joshua Chasez will make time for me. His OLDEST friend! As I said, Get the hell out of here and let me enjoy myself!" "You call this enjoying yourself? Those men were using you like a whore Justin?" "I am a whore!" Justin screams. "Lou and everyone else has seen to that. I'm only as good as I look and only loved when I put out." "Oh Justin..." JC cries. "That's not true." "I needed you to love me JC!" Justin interrupts. "You could have saved me from this. Now it's too late. I've embraced my inner slut and there's no turning back! You say you love me, but you never truly did." "Justin! That's not true and you know it. I do love you!" "Then prove it!" "Huh?" JC says surprised. "Prove it," Justin says as he reaches around JC with his powerful legs and pulls him toward his ass. The cum leaking from Justin's ass immediately soaks the front of JC's pants and Justin's nimble fingers quickly has them undone and has JC's cock released. "C'mon JC, prove it!" 'Holy shit!' JC thinks. 'I can't do this, but he's right. If I'd been there for him none of this would have happened. This isn't right and I know it. Justin doesn't need sex, he needs love. I can't disappoint him again!' JC's pants cling to his hips as Justin has the fly open and his expert hands continue to stroke JC's penis. JC's body betrays his will for his penis begins to harden under Justin's ministrations. Justin smiles as he feels JC's penis get harder in his hand. Without a word, he guides JC's cock into his well-used ass. "Oh yes!" Justin screams as he pulls JC in deeper with the force of his legs. "Justin, please stop." "You said you love me. Prove it. I need you inside me. I need you to fuck me. I need to you make me forget all those others." "Oh Justin, I do love you, but this isn't right. I can't..." "Why not? I'm definitely willing. And if it's not going to be you, I'm sure I can find someone else to use me like I want. So, show me that you care stud." Justin is panting with exertion as he continues to pull JC toward his ass with his legs. "Is this what you want Justin?" JC cries as he pumps into his friend. "Is this what will finally make you happy?" "YES!" Justin screams. "I knew you wanted me too JC! You're the only man I've ever loved! Work my ass!" Tears stain JC's cheeks as he forces his hips to move his cock in and out of Justin's ass. 'Lance, forgive me,' he cries silently. Neither man hears the door close silently as Lance slips from the room and rushes down the hall. As much as he doesn't want to, JC begins to respond more to Justin's passion. He fucks him long and hard staring into his blue eyes. Justin stares back and works his had in a blinding movement on his own rock hard penis. "I've cum more times than I remember already stud, but you're gonna fuck another load right out of me." Justin cries. The frenzy of lust sends both young men to the edge of orgasm. JC can hold back no longer and thrusts one last time into Justin's ass and unleashes the load of semen that he had been saving for Lance. They had agreed not to masturbate for the past two weeks before so that they'd been good and horny. As difficult as it was, JC had lived up to that bargain. Until now that is. With the last volley of semen pouring into Justin's ass, JC collapses onto Justin's sticky chest. Justin immediately pulls him into a passionate kiss and JC can feel Justin's own orgasm pulse beneath him as even more semen is added to the stains on the front of his shirt. Justin continues to kiss his madly and passionately. "Oh God, JC that was so hot! I've wanted you for so long. I can't believe that I finally got you. It felt so wonderful. So right." "Justin," JC snaps as he pulls himself from Justin's body. "What we did was many things. But it was far from 'so right'!" "But JC, I love you." "You don't love me. At least not in the way you think you do. You wanted to possess me the same way all these guys possessed you tonight. You aren't thinking about growing old together... just about getting laid." Justin blinks as the truth of the words sting him. "I probably just screwed things up with Lance beyond repair, but never forget he's the man I love. If being with me will keep you from turning into some nightmare slut, then I will gladly be there for you. I'll break it off with Lance and fuck your brains out anytime you want. Just please, please don't do anything like this again." Looking into JC's teary eyes, Justin suddenly feels very naked and pulls himself into a ball. "Oh JC! What have I done? I practically raped you because I was determined to have you. I'm no better than Lou!" "Don't ever say that J!" JC snaps back. "You're the best person I know. You've just gotten lost along the way." "JC," Justin says. "I do love you. I always have, but I know now that it's a love like you said. We're brothers. We always will be. You have been there for me all along but I never reached out for you. I could have told you a thousand times what Lou was doing, but I didn't. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe because I wanted to protect you, but also maybe because I didn't want to burden you... or maybe just once I wanted to feel like I was protecting you for a change. When I suffered Lou's abuse, I tried to tell myself it was for the good of the band. That if I held out long enough, all of our dreams would come true!" "Oh Justin," JC says sobbing, "but at what cost to yourself?" Justin glances at the semen dripping from his naked torso and feels the hot sticky fluid ooze from his ass and begins to cry. His cries turn to sobs and he looks into JC's beautiful eyes and manages to whisper, "Can you ever forgive me?" JC is at Justin's side in a flash as he wraps his arms around him. "Justin, there is nothing to forgive. I'm sorry too. I wish I could have done more. Let you in more. And just now, I really wish I could have been stronger. You didn't need me to fuck you, you needed me to love you, but I got so confused." "I didn't really give you much of a choice now did I? Don't you dare feel bad about that. My regret is that time is going to be the only time we will ever have sex. I know that now. What I'll have to live with is that we'll never get the opportunity to make love." "Curly, I..." "Shhhh... that was an observation not a proposition. I think I was using my infatuation for you to prevent me from thinking about the fact that I don't really know who the fuck I am anymore and I need to figure that out." "Bro, you'll make it. You're the strongest person I've ever known. And I know that finding yourself is a journey that you have to do, but please let me be there for you as much as I can. As much as you'll let me." "I will bro... I promise. I actually think that I'll need a lot of help." "Justin, we were talking earlier about suggesting that you see a counselor or something." "Maybe so... But I don't really feel like thinking about that right now. JC, how did I let things get so bad? How could I have done this to myself?" "Shhhhh... no bro. Don't think that way. Yes, things have gotten out of hand... but not so much that you can't put it behind you." "Actually, it's my behind that's in trouble right now." Justin says as he clenches his asscheeks. JC notices and cracks a smile. "Trust me bro. I've been there." He says as he pulls a tablecloth from a nearby table and hands it to Justin. "JC, I know now is not the best time, but I'd really like to hear about your past someday. I feel like I failed you when all of that was going on." Justin says as he begins to wipe himself clean with the tablecloth. "Curly, you didn't fail me at all. I just never knew to like myself or ask for help. But I'm trying now with Lance..." Josh stops mid-sentence and stands agape. "Oh shit," Justin cries, "How am I ever going to make this up to Scoop?" "It's not your problem to make up. It's mine. We were supposed to meet awhile ago. He's bound to be worried." "JC, go to him. I'm going to get cleaned up and get back to the hotel myself. I need the longest shower in history and then the longest sleep since sleeping beauty!" JC kisses Justin on the lips. Their kiss is one of affection and love, but not of passion. "I do love you bro." "I know, and I love you too JC... maybe for the first time I actually know what that means." JC kisses him once more and then takes a look at himself as he heads out the door. He zips his pants, but he can do nothing about the stains. 'I'm gonna have to hit the shower before finding Lance. I've got to tell him what happened. I only hope he can possibly understand.' He thinks to himself as he rushes through the hallway. Moments streak by as he finds himself at his bedroom door. He quickly unlocks the door and pulls his clothes off. Naked, he streaks into the bathroom and quickly washes the dried semen from his body. "I am so sorry that I wasn't strong enough for you Lance. You deserve better than me." He says as tears add to the water falling on his body. Barely taking time to towel off before throwing on his clothes, JC is out the door again. He stops briefly to knock on Lance's door and gets no answer. 'Please still be there' he prays as he dashes for the elevator which leads to the suite he had booked. The door to the suite is locked and JC lets himself in with the second key. "Lance?" he calls quietly as he pokes his head in. His eyes survey the room and quickly finds that it's empty. Fear and dread begin to creep into his mind as his moves toward the bedroom door. Opening it, he finds that the candles that surround the room have been extinguished. The rose petals that were scattered through the room have been thrown in a trashcan. The sheets lay in a pile on the floor and one pillow has been torn so that feathers leak from it onto the floor. The room is completely empty. JC can barely move as he reaches for the bathroom door. Feeling the dread of what he knows to be true, he opens the bathroom door. With one glance he crumples to the floor. The bathroom is large and wonderfully designed. The warm earthy tiles feel ice cold beneath JC's body as his knees impact them. JC's heart shatters into unrecognizable pieces as he looks at the bathtub where staring back at him from the bottom of the tub is Lance's face. It is burned around the edges, but it is still recognizable as Lance. "Oh dear god." JC whispers as he picks up the picture of his boyfriend and looks at it closely. He recognizes it as a picture taken at a publicity shoot that Lance had always liked. JC was in the center of the picture with Justin on one side and Lance on the other. The cameraman snapped the picture right as Joey said something from off stage so all three of them were mid-laugh. It was such a wonderful moment to have been caught on film that Lance insisted that they keep that for themselves and not release it to the public. JC remembers him saying that 'We give over our private lives so co! mpletely in order to do what we do. Now don't get me wrong, I love it and am grateful for our blessings, but there are some things that I still like to keep just for us.' Gone from the picture are Justin and JC. Either ripped away or burned away. But gone. Someone had taken a marker and blacked out Lance's mouth, which had been open and happy. The only thing that remained even slightly the same are Lance's green beautiful eyes dancing with laughter that stared back at him. These eyes that now remind him of his betrayal. These eyes that stare at him in scorn. JC's fingers go slack as he begins to sob and the picture falls to the ground. Desperate to cling to this last vestige he feels that he has of Lance, he scrambles to pick it up. As he bends down to pick it up, he stops suddenly as he realizes there is something written on the back of the photo. There in Lance's clear, neat handwriting is the words: HOW COULD YOU? Again, JC crumples to the floor and begins to sob. 'I knew I didn't deserve you. And now I've lost you forever.' He screams to himself. Silently he continues to scream as he presses his fists against his eyes in an effort to stop the pain. Anguish, loss, guilt, and shame overtake him and he cowers as he whispers, "Oh dear god, Lance..." ========================================================= Justin watches in horror as JC runs from the room knowing that he is the reason for the look of agony on JC's face. He becomes disgusted as he glances at the stains that now cover the tablecloth. The semen of countless men stare back at him. In a vain attempt to cast away his own shame, he throws the tablecloth in a corner and begins to pull on his clothes. Grief overtakes his senses and he drops to his knees as he is trying to pull on his boxers. His body begins to shake with violent sobs that seem to erupt from the very depth of his soul. Suddenly bile fills his throat and he vomits the contents of his stomach into a nearby trashcan. Over and over his body rejects the foul contents of billions of semen. Even though nothing remains to expel, Justin continues to heave dryly as he sobs. "Well I'd say you're feeling pretty lousy right now. Like maybe you've hit rock bottom." A voice says quietly as Justin jerks his head in the direction of the voice. "What the fuck do you want?" he screams blindly. "I'm not sure... anymore" The voice said haltingly. Justin finally wipes his eyes and gets to his feet. Feeling about as composed as you can wearing only your boxers while reeking of semen, sweat, and vomit. Justin bears his gaze down on this intruder. His first realization is that this guy was here before. When everyone in the room was fucking him. "If you come back for sloppy seconds, or thirds or whatever, you're out of luck. This slut is closed for business!" "Really?" the quiet voice responds sounding pleased. Something in that response startles Justin. He stares into the man's eyes and sees compassion and caring staring back. Not lust. Justin's second realization is that he recognizes this man. He's that guy on that TV show with the dad who's crazy about powertools and grunts. He's the son. The cute son. The teen heartthrob that is on the cover of every teen magazine right there beside Nsync. He's Jonathan Taylor Thomas. "Ohmygod!" Justin cries as his third realization strikes. "Tay!" Well that's the end of this chapter... And we now finally know who Tay is!!! here's hoping it won't be another half a year before I get to the next chapter... I've already got the next chapter sort of sketched out but I'm not too sure beyond that... Let me know if you have any ideas... I'm feeling all liberated now that I've gotten my life back from the dreaded school-monster. I may keep going for 20 more chapters now! Now, I normally always like to give a few nods to other stories that I like... but my writing isn't the only thing I'm behind on... I'm just now trying to get caught up on reading some of the stories... so here's a shout out to all the folks that I've been missing because I haven't been in the chatroom much!