Date: Mon, 28 Aug 2000 06:23:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: Red <redfirewitch@yahoo.com>
Subject: Hide In Plain Sight - Part 1: The Face In The Crowd

Title: Hide In Plain Sight

Author: Red [redfirewitch@yahoo.com]

Disclaimer: This is just fiction and there isn't an
ounce of truth about the sexuality of the Nsync boys
in here. At least not as far as I know. If you're
below 18 or if you don't want to read fiction about
homosexuality, do not go further than this line.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 1: The Face In The Crowd

Joshua Scott Chasez couldn't breathe. It was as if
suddenly all the air had been sucked out of the room
and his lungs had just given up on him. He stumbled
past the group's bodyguards who were standing outside
the room and into the group's dressing room.

"JC? Man, you alright?" Wesley asked, concerned for
his charge.

"Yeah. I'm fine." JC lied with a fake smile and closed
the door behind him.

Wesley exchanged a look with Randy and shrugged.

In a daze, JC sat down on one of the chairs, his
forearm resting on his knees and his head bent over.
He closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down.
Using the heel of his palms, he pressed into his eyes,
hoping to erase what he had just seen from his mind.
But all he could see was that smiling face. That very
same face he had last seen 6 years ago...covered in
blood.

"Get a grip, JC! It's not him! It's not him! It can't
be him!" JC said to himself.

The face he had seen in the crowd had been etched in
his memory and made up his nightmares for years. But
he was always able to put it in the back of his mind
and face everyone with a smile. JC knew he wasn't
imagining seeing the man because...why now?

Right in the middle of Digital Getdown, he had stopped
singing and stared at the man who was standing in a
rather dark area of the arena. The lights had swung by
the audience for only an instant but that momentary
glimpse had been enough to dredge back his past
memories and paralyze him with fear. Thankfully Justin
managed to immediately take up the song from where he
had left off. With just quick worried glance at his
shell-shocked friend, Justin drew the attention away
from him by stepping forward and executing some sexy
movements which sent the girls screaming. Meanwhile
Joey nudged JC out of his trance and signaled him to
get back in place for the choreographed steps.
Automatically JC fell into step though his heart was
still beating furiously. He tried to look back into
the audience to see if HE was still there but the
lighting was never right and he couldn't get a good
look. Finally as the number and the concert ended, JC
had hurriedly walked off the stage.

The door to the room opened as the rest of the guys
walked in.

"JC? What's going on? What happened out there?" Chris
asked as he entered the room, perspiring profusely.

"Yeah, you just froze man." Joey added as he came in
too, followed by Lance and Justin.

JC looked up at his friends in a daze.
"I...I just...I just zoned out. That's all. No big deal."

"Are you sure? You looked like you had seen a ghost."
Lance said, as he grabbed a bottle of water and looked
at JC.

JC saw them all looking at him strangely and he could
almost read their thoughts.

'This was JC. He always had it together. His
concentration and enthusiasm is a given during a show.
Nothing fazed him. But something had happened tonight.
Serious enough to make him mess up the lyrics badly.'

"I said it's no big deal all right? Drop it, all
right!" JC yelled and left the room walking over to
the bathroom.

The four guys looked at each other, hoping one of them
knew what was going on.

"PMS?" Chris offered as a way of explanation, earning
a grin from Joey and a smile from Lance. Justin
however, frowned.

"This isn't the time for jokes guys. I've never seen
him like this." Justin, said looking in the direction
of the bathroom.

"Think one of us should talk to him?" Lance asked.

Joey winced.
"And get our head bitten off again?"

"We can't just ignore him." Chris said.

"I'll talk to him." Justin stated determinedly and
headed in the direction of the bathroom.

"There goes a brave man." Chris said, jokingly.

Lance and Joey smiled but the look of uneasiness on
their faces, which was also mirrored on Chris' face,
showed only too well how worried they were about JC.

**

JC closed the door behind him and went over to the
sink. Turning on the tap, he splashed cold water on
his face. Leaning forward against the sink, he closed
his eyes tightly and shook his head as if that action
could miraculously make him forget everything. Then he
made the mistake of looking into the mirror over the
sink. Staring into his eyes, he saw the guilt, fear
and heartbreak that he had managed to hide for a long
time. The floodgate opened as the memories overwhelmed
him.

"Oh god!" The words came out as a whisper.

JC fell to the floor, crying and sobbing as his body
was wrecked with tears. He barely noticed that the
door had opened and someone had walked in. He barely
saw Justin kneel beside him and take him in his arms.
He barely heard the soothing sounds the younger man
made.

"It's ok, Josh. Whatever it is, it's going to be ok."
Justin whispered to him as he held JC tight.

"No. It's never going to be ok. He's back. I killed
him and he's back." JC sobbed out the words.

Justin heard the words and froze but he never let go
of JC. There would be time for explanations later.
Right now, his best friend was falling apart and he
had to be there for him. The words just dully echoed
in his mind.

[I killed him.]