Date: Tue, 14 Nov 2000 00:02:45 -0500
From: Kathrine <storykath@operamail.com>
Subject: How Can You Love Me, chapter 15

Legal disclaimer: not true, all fiction. Don't read if you shouldn't
M/M-situations, you have been warned.

Author's note: this part absolutely, thoroughly and utterly suck, I'm sorry. I
have been fighting with it forever, and decided to stop tinkering with it and
just send it since it's been forever since I've updated this story. Part of
this chapter, more specifically the Lance/Justin part is originally an improv.
My words were turkey, tantalize, boney white ass, amish, unbirthday and true
colours.
Love and looneytunes from Kat.

- Chapter 15 -

As they entered the hotelroom, Joey's hand still in JC's, Joey began to wonder
what he really had asked JC to do. Sometimes he felt bad for laying this kind
of pressure on him. All the bad stuff had been in Joey's past, and by sharing
it with JC, he felt both better and guilty. JC meant the world to him, so why
was he now afraid to be alone with him?

To share what should be a powerful, intimate experience, something to let your
thoughts linger on and smile lazily about on days to come. He wanted to do
this for JC.

The room was dark, JC didn't turn on the lights. "Come here, hon," he told
Joey as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Unsure of what to do, Joey sat
down next to him. "I know you're nervous," JC said gently, pulling Joey closer
in a hug. "Don't feel that you have to prove something to me by doing this,
babe. You are what matters to me, not what we get up to in bed."

"I know," Joey whispered, "but still... I'm sorry for being so...troublesome!
You've been so busy taking care of me and I feel guilty." JC's arms held him
closer. "Don't ever be that, love. Having you near is what makes my life
right. If I could I would just be at your side, adoring you all day long."
"You would?" Joey answered, letting himself be sheltered by his boyfriend's
closeness. "I would just watch you," JC said, his voice low and spinning.
"Worship you. Fending off anyone anyone out to steal you away from me,
claiming you for mine alone. That's all I need to know, that I'll be forever
near you. That you're never further away that I can reach out and touch you.
That I can be close to the man who has my heart and my love forever more."

Now Joey felt like crying. He wanted, needed, to tell JC that he loved him
more than he had thought humanly possible. That he felt hollow and unfulfilled
whenever JC wasn't there. That he would most certainly die without him.

The words deserted him, tears fell from his eyes. The room all of a sudden
felt too small, yet unrestricted beyond any limits. Feeling a love so pure, so
intense, so near to a religious experience, Joey felt weak in JC's embrace.
But he knew that he would hold on to him with all his might if someone
treathened to seperate them. "I love you," he just said, repeating it,
"forever."

Their lips met, slowly making a voyage over velvety surfaces that tasted sweet
and warm.
"I want you to make love to me," Joey whispered against JC's lips. "I want
feel what you felt last night, I want to feel you." JC drew away a little and
looked into Joey's eyes. "You are sure about this, love? You want this?"
Leaning in and letting his lips glide over the warm, smooth skin on JC's neck,
Joey answered. "Yes, I want you."

Moving up in the bed, Joey pulled JC with him. He was speaking the truth, he
wanted JC. Even if his mind had started sending out nervous signals that made
his palms sweaty and his heartrate climb. Still with his arms around JC, Joey
laid down in the bed, JC on top of him, keeping them tightly together. The
world ignited in the form of another kiss.

Their jackets and shoes were shedded more for comfort than from desire to be
undressed. JC was going to take this slow, to let Joey have the chance to say
stop if he needed to. Laying closely snuggled together on the bed, they
started a dance of slow kisses and sweet caresses. The room was dark around
them, letting them only see silhouettes and shadows.

They didn't speak much, just let their hands roam the other's body and their
mouths taste the other's skin. Each item of clothing was removed, not hastily,
but almost unnoticeable and tenderly. As naked skin touched naked skin, JC
felt a buzz much more powerful than any alcohol could ever give him. Suddenly
everything changed. He was on fire, a magnetic force was pulling him to Joey,
an irresistible force that took control of him.

He kissed Joey again, and heard a small whimper in response, not sure it was a
result of the strong kiss or out of approval. The world disappeared as the
need and desire melted into their love for one another. Not for one second
leaving his boyfriend, JC rummaged through the bag he had let right next to
the bed. As his fingers conncected to the items he had searched for, he found
himself hesitating a little. Was it the right time for this yet? Then Joey's
hand slid in between them and found a certain part of JC's body. "Let me help
you with that," he said, taking the items out of JC's hands. "Sit up a
little."

JC did what Joey said and enjoyed the teasing, gentle pressure from his
boyfriend's fingers.
"There," Joey then said, his voice taking on a deeper quality. "Now you're all
ready." "How about you?" JC asked, letting his fingers entwine in Joey's hair.
"You all ready?" "I am," Joey answered. Before JC could answer Joey laid back
again and pulled JC back down on top of him.

During the next kiss, JC pushed slowly forward, and felt Joey's body tense.
"It's ok," Joey hurried to say after he sensed JC's hesitation. "I don't want
to hurt you, baby," JC answered and let a small kiss linger on the corner of
Joey's mouth. "You're not hurting me," Joey answered and tried to ease up on
the grip he had on JC's upper arms. It didn't hurt, not that bad anyway, but
it was the other sensations it produced in him that made him tense.

With a feeling that Joey wasn't being absolutely truthful with him, JC resumed
his actions. Going slow and careful he was waiting for any little sign from
his love that he needed to stop. He couldn't see Joey's face as the other was
hiding his face against JC's shoulder.
But JC could feel the quick, warm bursts of breath hitting his skin. Lifting
his head a little, JC was able to look at Joey.

"Sweetie?" JC asked, looking into Joey's brown eyes. After seeing his
boyfriend's eyes glace over in fear, JC felt a twinge of guilt. He should
never had let Joey convince him to do this, Joey wasn't ready for this.
"Babe?" he asked softly, "babe, it's allright." Joey didn't answer him, his
eyes taking on an almost empty look and he turned his head away from JC, his
body going limp. "No, honey, stay with me," JC pleaded, touching Joey's cheek.
He got no response. Unsure of what to do, JC paused. He should pull away, but
he knew Joey would take that as another failure on his own part. But he was
scared, scared that he might do damage instead of good.

"Joey?" he tried again, knowing that his love had retreated to a place in his
mind where he would stay till it was over. Carefully JC made Joey look at him
again, and placed his lips over his lover's in a kiss. Tentatively at first he
tasted Joey's mouth, then let his tongue brush past open lips. Joey didn't
push him away, but didn't react to him either. He was just passive. The
thought of what would usually have caused this reaction in his boyfriend made
JC shudder. That was why he was so determined to not give up now, not to let
this go and make it a dooming issure between them forever. A little voice told
him that it was wrong to focuse on the sexual part that much, but JC just
couldn't take the thought of his love to be afraid of the physical intimacy
between them.

So he let little kisses tickle Joey's lips and cheeks, while softly running
his fingers over his bare shoulders. His blood was on fire over the closeness
between them, and the feel of Joey's body touching his all over. Sweat dripped
down his back, rolling over knots of tensed muscles. Desire spiked in every
nerce cell he possessed.

Sliding his hand up the back of Joey's neck and into his thick, dark hair, JC
again let his lips claim Joey's, in another slow, tender kiss. Then he could
feel the shy, light touch of hands on his arm. Not breaking the kiss, JC's
heart raced over the knowlegde that he was about to break through Joey's
defense mechanismes. He deepened the kiss however, hoping that it would make
Joey answer him in the same way. As the touch of Joey's hands grew more
confident, he did. Instead of saying anything, JC just stayed in the kiss,
making the claws of the past slink away into oblivion where they belong.

As they both broke away for refillment of air, Joey all but breathed JC's
name. "I'm here," JC assured him, "And we don't have to do this, love, it's
making you feel uncomfortable."
"I was feeling...uncomfortable about this," Joey admitted, "but I don't feel
that way anymore. I know that you are not Jim. I want us to keep going."
Staring into Joey eyes again, JC looked for anything that implied that Joey
didn't mean what he said. "Are you really sure about this, Joe?" he asked. A
small smile formed on Joey's face. The tension gone from his eyes now. "I'm
very sure, Josh," he replied, placing his mouth close to JC's ear. Letting one
arm rest over JC's back, Joey moved a little, making JC release a surprised
moan. Small stings of raw electricity dripped down his spine, making it almost
impossible for him to keep still.

"You're not making this easy for me," he groaned, smiling down at Joey. His
answer was a sweet smile and then Joey pulled him closer for a kiss that fried
the circuits in his brain that stood for coherent thinking. As he started
moving again, slowly, carefully, he knew that this time Joey followed him,
encouraged him. From there JC was lost.

All he later could remember was a fire of need and passion that ended in a
smoldering turmoil that made pleasure tingle in every little fibre of him.
That made heaven and earth rotate in a dazzling display of stars and
fireworks. And all through it he felt Joey close to him, arms tightly around
him, whispering sweet nothings in his ears.

Coming back to reality he found himself laying on his back, totally spent,
with Joey snuggled up to him. "My God...!" JC stated as he reagined the power
to speak. "You enjoyed it?" Joey asked, resting his head on JC's shoulder. "I
LOVED it!" JC smiled, he hugged Joey tightly to him. "What did you think?" "I
think..." Joey started, letting his fingers walk over JC's chest. "I think I
could get used to that..."

"Good," JC sighed. His mind still buzzed with pleasure from the intense
experience and left him slightly dazed. "I love you so extremely much,
Teddybear," he said loving the feel of Joey in his arms, bith feeling
pleasently sleepy and cozy. "I love you too," Joey replied.
"And Josh?" "What, darling?" JC replied. "Thanks," Joey said quietly. "You're
very welcome, baby," JC answered. "For not freaking out on me," Joey added. "I
don't know...I guess it got a little too much all at once, you know?" "I'm
sorry," JC said, " I should have noticed more how nervous you were." "I was
very nervous!" Joey told him. Laying in JC's safe embrace, he felt like this
could be the right moment to tell him this. "But I'm glad we did it...it was
nice..." "Yeah, it was nice," JC giggled. "Very, very nice."

**********

Justin had been thinking about getting up and turning the light off. Then he
realised that the light was the sun, and that he couldn't turn it off. Then he
felt the presence of a warm, strong body very close to his and he freaked.
Nearly sitting up, his head sent urgent signals to stay in horizontal
position. His mind managed to tie itself into a big knot, ends of confused
thoughts everywhere.

"I... maybe he don't remember...do I want him to remember...what if he only
did it 'cause he was drunk..." Justin feverishly tried to make a sensible
thought out of all of it, hoping that it would tell him what to do.

It didn't work, he became even more confused. Turning to look at the person
sleeping next to him, he smiled. It was automatical, even if he just saw a
picture of him these days, his lips curled upwards of their own free will.

Silently putting bits and pieces together of what he had actually said at the
club the night before, he blushed. And it also gave him a little more courage.
His neck still tingled with the teasing featherlike touches none of the others
had noticed. Leaning over his sleeping friend, Justin gently patted him on the
nose with a finger.

"Lance!" he whispered. "Lance, wake up!" The answer was a groan and Lance
buried himself in the covers. "Wake up!" Justin whined. An incomprehensible
response later he tugged the blankets away from Lance's head. A pair of
sleepy, green eyes looked up at him. "What did you do that for?"

"Because we need to talk," Justin explained. "And we can't talk when you're
sleeping, or hiding." Squinting in the bright light, Lance nodded. "I wasn't
hiding. And I wasn't really sleeping either. I could hear you thinking all the
way over to me, so I couldn't sleep."

"Then what were you doing under the blanket?" Justin asked. "Admiring your
boney, white ass," Lance answered matter of factly. Justin blushed. "Well, you
can admire my boney white ass all you want later, but right now we gotta talk
about stuff." Lance's smile got wider and Justin blushed even more as he
realised what he had said.

"Of course," he added. "If you're not going to be nice to me, I'm maybe just
going to tantalize you with it instead." Rolling over to his stomach, Lance
rested his head in his hands and looked innocently at Justin. "That mean I
don't get to molest you later?"

Justin sighed. Then he smiled again. "I know we have to talk, Just. But you
look so damn serious, I would almost think you're scared." "Maybe I am, just a
little," Justin admitted. "Things happened a little quickly last night, and we
both were a little drunk..."

"We just kissed, Justin," Lance replied. "And I liked it," he continued when
he saw Justin's face. "Only kissed..." Justin said. "It was "only kissing" for
you"?"  Looking at Lance, Justin thought: "If he says yes now, I'm going to
run away...become amish or something...live on a farm with a couple of cows, a
horse and a turkey and be so happy that there are no electricity around for
TV's or phones...or anything. I'm going to be miserable."

Lost in his thoughts he saw up to find Lance staring at him. "What?" Justin
asked. "I just told you that it was a hell of a lot more than "just kissing"
to me, and you look like you all of a sudden find yourself in Wonderland."

Thinking that Wonderland was pretty much were he was at the moment, Justin
stared back at Lance. "Did you see any rabbits with pocket watches running
through here? Or anyone wishing you a merry un-birthday?" "Only weird thing in
here is you," Lance said, shaking his head a little. Without any further ado
Justin sat up a little and took his pillow in his hands. After thoroughly
wacking Lance over the head with it, he laid back down. "That's for calling me
weird."

"Hmm, guess I deserved that," Lance agreed. "So, what are the two of us now?"
"Human beings," Justin answered. The smile was back. "Hopefully boyfriends
human beings." Since he almost couldn't believe that he actually had said
that, he blushed yet again, nervously biting his lower lip.

"Ok..." Lance said slowly, and Justin could see that he was struggling not to
laugh. "Will you be my boyfriend human being, curly?" Justin was laughing, but
managed to squeak out an enthusiastic yes. "That is nice," Lance commented.
"Just nice?" Justin pouted. "Here I go, flying my true colours, saying that I
love you, and you think it's nice?"

Lance didn't answer, neither did he laugh. Instead his large green eyes held a
shimmer that made Justin's heart do flipflops, then run away and hide in his
stomach. "You never said that you loved me," Lance said slowly.

"I didn't? I didn't." Justin realised. Apparentely his mind had not yet
untangled itself properly, still causing short circuits. "You mean that?"
Lance asked, Justin was surprised to see that Lance was the one that looked
nervous now. Feeling his cheeks heat up again, Justin nodded. "Yeah, I do."
"Good," Lance nodded too, keeping up with his cryptical one word-answers.

Just as Justin was going to, in frustration, whack him with his pillow again,
Lance continued. "That's good, because I think I love you too." "Good," Justin
replied, putting his pillow back. "Very good," Lance agreed. "The goodest of
good." Giggling, Justin agreed. "We're the bestest of best, the goodest of
good." He was silenced by Lance leaning over and giving him a kiss on the
lips.

"That's not the way to..." Justin started, his eyes shining mischievously. "I
know, thank you very much!" Lance said. "And I should do it the proper way, or
else you're probably gonna jump me like you did last night."  "Hmm, I liked
jumping you," Justin said, pondering whether or not to pout. "And you owe me a
kiss." Lance was happy to oblige.