Date: Sat, 5 Aug 2000 09:06:28 -0400
From: Kathrine <storykath@operamail.com>
Subject: How Can You Love Me, chapter two   (gay/celebrities/boybands)

Legal disclaimer: this is fiction. I'm not implying anything about the
NSync-members' sexuality or personal lives. I do not know them
personally.  (Although I do wish! ;->) If it's illegal for you in any way
to read this, then don't continue.

Author's note: chapter two...hope you're enjoyng my story. Thanks to the
people that gave me feedback. Will try and mail you all back
personally. Thanks!  My mail adress is still storykath@operamail.com

Chapter two: Even how bad and guilty he was feeling, Chris knew he had to
talk to the others about Joey. Too much time had gone since Joey had ran
away, and Chris had no idea where he was.

He mentally kicked himself for not believing in Joey. Had he ever lied to
him before?  Had he ever done anything to hurt anyone before? Chris felt
like a total creep for taking a person he hadn't seen or talked to in ages'
words over his best friend's.

Worry was starting to mix in with his other emotions. That look on Joey's
face as Chris had come closer to him, it had been fear. -Some psychologist
you turned out to be, Chris thought bitterly to himself. -Some friend you
turned out to be...  You wouldn't believe Joey `cos it meant dealing with
the guilt you've been carrying around after seeing how unhappy Joey were
with Jim, and for treating him like shit when he finally got out. He ran
his hand through his dark hair. -If I ever see Jim again, I swear to God
I'll kill him with my bare hands.

Lance entered the room, but stopped as he saw the expression on Chris'
face.  -Whoa!  he said, -whoever's caused that look, is sooo dead! Chris
stared hard at him, making Lance feel a little unsure. Then Chris
sighed. -Get the others, Lance, we need to talk.  Lance knew something
serious was up and got JC and Justin. -I couldn't find Joey, he said as he
came back. -I know, Chris told him. -He's the reason that we need to talk.

-What's wrong? JC said, -is Joey OK? -I don't know, Chris had to admit. -He
stormed out of here this morning and I haven't seen him since.  Before
Chris, or anybody, could say anything else, JC was on his feet. -He has
been gone since this morning and now you tell us!?! What the hell did you
do to him, Chris?  And don't think I haven't noticed the lousy way you've
been treating him lately.  Ashamed Chris couldn't answer. JC looked
furious, which he was. Without another word, he grabbed his jacket and was
gone.

-What's going on here? Justin asked Chris. The youngest member of the group
hated arguing and looked as he were on the verge of tears. Lance gave him a
quick hug. -It'll be OK, curly, he reassured him. Looking at them, Chris
hoped so bad that Lance was right. But something told him that it wouldn't
be OK, not even close.  He realized that both Lance and Justin were waiting
for his reply. -Something happened to Joey for about a year ago, he
started. -Something bad.

You both remember Jim? he looked at them again. -Yes, Justin simply said.
Lance wrinkled his brows. -The guy with the attitude? Yeah, I remember him.
-Attitude? Chris asked puzzled. -He acted like he owned Joey, I kinda
guessed that they were a couple, Lance explained, his look clearly gave
away that he hadn't been all too fond of Jim. -If any of us got close to
Joey, Jim would freak. He was SO not good for our Joey. Lance wasn't just
protective of Justin, he would kick whoever that messed with his friends'
ass.

Lance looked into Chris' eyes, scared over the hurt he found there. -Oh my
God, he silently said, -what exactly did he do to Joey?  Chris told them
what Joey had confided in him with. Justin was angry. -How could you not
believe him? he yelled at Chris, now the tears were streaming down his
cheeks.

At that point Chris felt his own tears starting to spill. -I don't know! he
answered. -I guess I didn't want to, Jim was my friend, remember? -Joey is
your friend too, Lance said softly, but with a new egde in his voice.  -I
didn't want to believe him, `cos I hate myself for letting that happen to
him, OK?  Chris were practically screaming. -I was the one that got them
together, and at first Joey seemed to be so happy about him and Jim. Then
he started to change and I could see that he was miserable, but Jim kept
telling me that everything was fine.  By the time Joey left him, I had
managed to make myself believe in Jim's lies.

-But why didn't he tell any of us? Justin asked. -We'd help him, none of us
would let anybody hurt him. -Jim never let us near him, Lance said, turning
to look at Chris again. -And I think Joey was too afraid or too ashamed to
tell us. -You're right, Chris sighed, -about both. Lance had a worried look
in his eyes. -Well, at least he's free from Jim now. -No, he`s not, Chris
said slowly, approaching the subject that scared him the most. -Joey is not
at all free from Jim.

He continued, feeling his mind slip into therapist-mode. -Being in an
abusive relationship really messes with your mind. Most victims start to
believe what the abusive part tells them, they actually start to believe
that they are worthless and deserve being physically and mentally
abused. And like in Joey's case, it didn't stop with the beatings. Rape is
actually very common in these kinds of relationship even though many
victims convinces themselves that it wasn't rapes, that they somehow
consented.

-Good Lord, Lance whispered. -tell me he's not still there, that he's not
still believing what that asshole told him? -I'm afraid he is, Chris got
out, -and I think I may have made it a whole lot worse too. He started
acting strange, being really submissive and I tried to get close to
him. That scared him. I think that was what made him run away.

-Joey actually thought you were going to hurt him? Justin asked, -but that
is crazy!  -His heart knows I would never lay a hand on him, Chris said,
rubbing his cheeks to get the tears away, -but right now his mind is
playing tricks on him.  A silence fell over the room as the three boys
thought over what had been revealed to them. This was about as true a test
of friendship as they came.

JC had been driving around for hours. The weather hadn't improved at all,
making him even more worried about Joey. He hadn't taken his jacket with
him and the temperature was freezing. The rain was falling heavily as it
had done all day.  In the horizont black clouds were tugging at their
restraints, ready to attack the city.

A sweeping wind blew cascades of water at the car's windows, a storm was
coming in fast. The sensible thing would be to get home and leave it to the
police to find Joey, but JC refused to give up. Neither of them knew the
town, so he kept driving to every place he thought Joey would feel safe in.
He went through every park he could find, searched every coffeeshop, every
place there was a slight hope Joey would be in. Frustrated and scared JC
had reached the harbour. Cursing the rain that blurred his sight, he slowed
the car down, looking over the now silent area.

His heart gave a slight jump as he saw a familiar figure sitting on a bench
near the water. The wawes nearly hit his feet as they threw themselves at
the egde of the harbour. JC was out of the car in a heartbeat and rushed
over to Joey.

He was about to hug Joey when something held him back. Instead he sat down
next to him, gently saying his name. If JC ever had seen someone on the
verge of a breakdown, it would be Joey. He was soaked to the bone, his lips
turning blue from the cold. His brown eyes were bottomless pits of aching
pain, there was no will left, no hope. -Joey, JC tried again. -Please look
at me. He reached out a hand and put it on Joey's arm, feeling him grow
tense under the simple touch. Slowly JC took his hand away. -Come on, Joe,
he said, -let's get you into the car. -No, Joey answered, the first word he
had spoken since JC found him. -You'll catch your death out here, JC said,
-it's freezing. I'm worried about you, Joey, if anything happens to you, it
would kill me. Joey threw a quick glance at him before going back to
staring out over the water.

Because of the rain JC couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw tears on
Joey's cheeks.  Carefully he placed his jacket over Joey's shoulders and
put his arms around him.  Joey didn't welcome the touch, but JC didn't let
go. After a while he could feel Joey relaxing some, leaning into the
hug. JC pulled him tighter to him. -It's gonna be OK, he
whispered. -Whatever it is, I'll fix it. I'll do anything for you, Joey...

Joey didn't feel anything anymore, he had shut down all his emotions. He
had to, he was scared of what would happen if he didn't. But having JC hug
him felt good, he allowed himself to be protected for a while.  Not long
after JC could feel Joey moving a little against him and knew he had to act
quickly. -Come on, Joe, he said again, -I'm taking you back to the hotel.
This time Joey followed him, JC didn't know what had him the most worried,
the expression in Joey's eyes or how cold he was.

Joey let JC put him in the car, and drive him back. He didn't notice JC
looking at him, he went back into the safe place in his mind where nobody
could reach him.  They drove in silence. At the gate of the hotel, Joey
felt a twinge of fear.  He was back, he had wanted to leave this place
behind. No, not the place exactly, but the persons inside it. Now he was
scared, more scared than he had been in a long time.

Weakly Joey brushed his hair back, his body felt powerless and
tired. Suddenly he felt very sleepy, a beginning headache throbbed lightly
at his temples.  The world seemed to go distant as JC led him out from the
garage into the elevator.  JC felt Joey leaning heavily on him and got to
his room fast.

Totally out of strength Joey was about to just let himself fall onto the
bed, when JC stopped him. -You need to change first, he said, keeping Joey
on his feet.  -Let's get you some dry clothes... With JC's help Joey got
rid of the wet clothes and put on a T-shirt, socks and a pair of cotton
sweatpants. -Do you want anything to eat?  JC asked, -you haven't eaten
anything since breakfast, and that wasn't much either...  -I just want to
sleep, Joey mumbled, moving for the bed. Once there, he just collapsed.

Without doubting a second JC got into his own room and threw on a set of
dry clothes, before going back to Joey's room.  On his way there he was
stopped by Chris. -I saw your car pulling up, Chris said quickly, -did you
find him? It was easy to see that JC was still mad at him.  -Yeah, he
finally said, -I found him. So what do you want? His words made Chris
cringe a bit, but he didn't give up. -JC, there is something I need to tell
you about Joey.  -I don't think there is, JC answered coldly. -Just stay
away, Chris. You're the last person Joey needs to see now, and I'm not too
eager to see you either. I'll be with Joey if any of the others need
me. Chris was left alone in the hallway.

JC closed the door to Joey's room, then got into bed next to Joey and
pulled the covers over them both. Gently he wrapped his arms around Joey
trying to give him some of his own warmth. Joey appeared to be in deep
sleep, but his bare arms still were cold as ice.

A hundred thoughts raced through JC's mind all at once. What had posessed
Joey to take off like that, he must had been sitting on the bench by the
harbour for hours.  A simple argument with Chris wouldn't have made him do
that. Even if Chris had been a total jerk in the last couple a days. There
were something really wrong with his friend, and JC intended to fix it.

Absentmindly he was stroking Joey's dark hair that was still damp from the
rain.  When he had barged out of the hotelroom earlier, the only thing on
his mind had been Joey. It still were the only thing on his mind. Lately JC
had been thinking of Joey a lot.  He still wasn't sure if it was love, but
there were some strong feelings there. Just the thought of what could have
had happened to Joey all alone, made JC pull Joey tighter, hoping they
could stay that way forever.

The time passed on, the storm knocked at the city's door. Low rumbles of
thunder growled in the sky, lightning hissed at the windows. The rain still
pounded down at the ground mercilessly.  In the bed JC had fallen asleep
too, still holding on to his friend. The weather could try all it wanted,
both boys were away in the arms of deep sleep.

The storm went on for the night. It kept Chris, Lance and Justin up most of
the night.  Chris had told them that JC had found Joey, but that was all he
had told him.  JC didn't know the full story, they did. It was one of
life's bizarre turns, the one who needed most to know, who had the greatest
chance to help Joey, didn't know the crucial information. Those who were
kept on the sideline, did.

Sleepy JC opened his eyes, somebody was turning restlessly next to him in
the bed.  Still a little fuzzyminded JC reached out to put his arms back
around Joey, but stopped as he felt his skin being burning hot. Now
completely awake, JC sat up. Joey was still sleeping, but moving around,
looking like he was dreaming of something unpleasant.  His face had a
hectic redness, and there were small drops of sweat running down his
face. Hesitantly JC put a hand on Joey's forehead, feeling the warmth
emerging from the skin under his fingers JC knew that the time Joey had
spent in the ice-cold rain hadn't let him off easily.

Carefully JC tried to wake Joey, who now was mumbling in his sleep. It was
too low for JC to hear. -Joey, JC said quietly, -wake up, honey... He
gently shook his sleeping friend's shoulder, -wake up, Joey. Joey's
response scared the hell out of him.

At JC's touch Joey curled up in a ball. -Please, he whimpered, -don't hit
me...I'll do anything you want... JC froze in his actions. For a moment he
didn't know what to do.  -Baby, JC said softly. -I'm not going to hit you,
you know I could never do that, don't you? I love you, Joey, I would never
hurt you, you mean too much to me...  -JC? Joey asked in a small voice,
still expecting the worst. -I'm here, baby, JC answered and took the
trembling Joey in his arms. -I'm right here and I'm not gonna leave you.

He had revealed his secret to JC. Now JC would be mad at him too. Why did
he have to do that, Joey didn't want to loose JC. Then JC's words sank
in. -Aren't you mad at me? he asked, resting his head on JC's shoulder. -Of
course I'm not mad at you, JC answered, rubbing Joey's back lightly. -Now
tell me, did someone treat you bad, baby?  JC fought to keep his voice
calm, he wanted to take Joey in his arms and never let go, to protect him
from everything evil in this world. And he might just do that too.

-It was my fault, Joey's voice was a bit slurred from sleep and the
fever. -I made him do it. -It's was not your fault, Joey, JC said, -it was
never your fault. Just tell me who he is and I'll make sure he never
touches you again. -He's gone now, Joey said, his voice trailing off as he
went back to sleep. -Jim is all gone...

Jim...suddenly the whole picture became clearer. Jim had been Chris'
friend, Chris had fixed him up with Joey. Joey had told him what Jim had
done to him. Chris had not taken it very well. It all made sense. And JC
were still going to kick Chris' butt!

Worried JC laid Joey back down onto the bed and watched him for a
moment. Then he got out of the bed and went into the bathroom. After
rummaging around in the medicine-cabinet he found a thermometer.  JC
managed to wake Joey enough for him to put the thermometer in his mouth,
feeling extremely tired Joey let JC have his way. A short while later, JC
took the thermometer and Joey dozed off again. JC was left sitting at the
egde of the bed, staring at the numbers on the display. Joey's temperature
was close to 104 degrees.

After only covering Joey's body with a thin blanket, JC went back into the
bathroom and put a washing-cloth under the stream of cold water. When he
put it on Joey's forehead, he was rewarded with a sigh of content.

Looking down on Joey, JC couldn't resist caressing Joey's warm cheek with
the tips of his fingers, the skin was smooth and slightly wet. The simple
touch had JC's body reacting in a way he couldn't deal with then and
there. A little embarrased he moved away, scolding himself for thinking
about Joey that way, at a time like this.  Sitting on the bed, next to the
object of his affection, JC got the phone and got hold of the hotel's
doctor.