Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 22:45:27 +0000
From: JV
Subject: Boy Bands - Human All Too Human - Part 4

I don't know N'Sync, nor do I know that much about them, so excuse me if I
make any mistakes or imply anything about them which isn't true. This is all
a product of my imagination, and shouldn't be taken literally. Also, if it
is illegal for you to read this, wherever you are, then don't cos you might
get in trouble, and who knows? The karma might just come back and bite me in
the butt for some reason! Without further ado, please enjoy my new
story...'Human, all too human'.

Human All Too Human - Part 4

>>>Three weeks later, Thursday evening<<<

	"Hello? Hello? Damn it! Fuck off and stop calling me here!" Josh shouted
down the phone as once again he was met with the sound of a person
breathing. He had received one call the previous night, and so far three
tonight. Two minutes later, the phone rang again. "Hello?" Josh said again
tentatively, waiting for the breathing. "Ok, well I'm gonna hang up now and
leave the phone off the hook so you can just fuck off!"

	"No!" He heard down the other end. It was a desperate voice, a scared
voice.

	"Who is that?" Josh asked, angrily.

	"It's Mark."

	"What the hell? What you're stalking me now? You fucking weirdo!" Josh
shouted down the phone.

	"Look Josh I'm sorry, but I was scared, I needed to ask you a favour, and I
wasn't sure how. I've been trying to you know, talk and I never got the
nerve."

	"You want to ask me a favour? Like what?" Josh asked, not liking where this
was going, Mark knew a secret about him not many people knew, and now he
appeared to have a few screws loose.

	"I've got to go to New Mexico for three days this weekend, from Saturday to
Monday, and I...I needed you to... well, to shit, I mean I needed you to..."
Mark trailed off.

	"Mark?" Josh asked after a long pause.

	"I'm sorry Josh." Mark was obviously crying, Josh could hear the sobs.

	"Mark what's wrong?"

	"I don't like begging ok?" Mark practically sobbed out. "And I like it even
less when I have to do it for someone I hardly know, but I don't have anyone
else." Josh was getting nervous.

	"Mark, just tell me what it is."

	"Do you remember me telling you about my mother?" Mark asked quietly.

	"Yeah, of course, you visit her on Sundays and she has Alzheimer's right?"
Josh asked, and suddenly it clicked. "And you're gonna be away this Sunday?"

	"Yeah. You know what I want to ask you don't you?"

	"Yes." Josh sighed.

	"Oh forget it, I'm sorry  I shouldn't... I just didn't know... I'm sorry...
I shouldn't... forget it." Mark started to hang up the phone.

	"Wait!" Josh shouted, as he heard the breathing get quieter at the other
end of the line. "I'll do it."

	"You will?" Mark said happily. "Oh Josh, I'm sorry I had to call you,
but...thank you. She panics if no one comes to see her once a week, I just
need you to call in and say something to her, make her feel comfortable, it
shouldn't take very long, are you sure it's ok?"

	"Yes." Josh said. He was beginning to regret walking out on this obviously
sensitive guy, but then he remembered that he could be thought of as an
immoral war-mongerer if you considered his profession. There was no point
now anyway, he only had a few days left in Florida. "Just give me the
address, and the time I should be there, I'm free all Sunday. And is there
anything in particular I should say to her." Josh took all the details from
Mark, and wrote them down.

	"Josh, I don't know how to say thank you enough. Is there anything I can
do?" Josh smiled at the thought. 'Yeah, you could give up your job' he
thought to himself.

	"No, look I'm sorry I walked out like I did last time we were together, but
I disagree with what you do, and I can't... I just can't, just consider this
payback for being so rude and that'll be enough for me." Mark stayed silent
for a minute. He wanted to tell Josh how he had cried for two hours over his
departure, then how he had got drunk on whisky, and had cut his hand falling
over a table and breaking a glass. But he didn't - he needed Josh to do
this.

	"Sure. Thanks Josh, I really, really appreciate it. And I'm sorry I
bothered you so much, by my phone calls I mean, and well by everything."
Josh and Mark said their goodbyes and hung up.

***

>>>The following Sunday<<<

	Josh turned up at Mark's Mom's care home at 11:30 like Mark had said, and
walked in through the automatic doors. He walked up to the receptionist, a
woman in her twenties with red hair. "Um, hi, my name is JC Chasez, I'm here
to see a Mrs. Carey, her son said he'd call and explain." The woman finally
looked up and seeing who he was, her jaw dropped. "Hello?" Josh asked,
waving his hand in front of her face.

	"I'm sorry, yes, of course, err... she's in room 18, down the hall on your
right. Mr. Carey did call."

	"Ok, thanks." Josh smiled and walked down the hall. Finally he knocked on
room number 18, and walked in like Mark had told him. "Mrs. Carey?"

	"Yes?" An elderly woman's voice answered, Josh looked around and saw a bed
which jutted across the middle of the room, and on the other side, a woman
probably in her mid-sixties with white hair with just a few strands of
blonde still showing. Her eyebrows raised when she noticed Josh come in the
room. "Hello, Mrs. Carey, ummm, Mark, err... your son? Couldn't make it this
week, and he asked me to come and see how you're doing."

	"Hmmm." She mumbled, and then stared down at her lap again.

	"So, how are you?" Josh asked as he looked around. His eyes finally settled
on a chair in the far corner of the room. He pulled it up to sit opposite
Mrs. Carey and sat there with an expectant expression on his face.

	"Light."

	"What?" Josh asked, surprised by the seemingly random answer.

	"Sorry, I was looking at the light on the floor. I feel fine." Josh looked
at her for a moment, ok, so the answer was a bit funny, but she seemed to be
'all there'.

	"Ok. Mark was really sorry he couldn't be here, but he had to go to New
Mexico, to work on something."

	"He's a clever boy." She said looking out the window. "He got that from my
side. His father was a fireman. I was the smart one, I was a doctor." Josh
smiled at her.

	"So... is there anything you want to do?" Josh asked, suddenly feeling as
if he was visiting his grandmother when he was 9 or 10 again, and he had
nothing to say to her.

	"I want to go outside." She answered.

	"Are you allowed to?"

	"Yes, but I need someone to push me." Josh then realised that she was
sitting in a wheelchair. He smiled and stood up, and walked around behind
the chair, and took off the brakes, then wheeled her out to the corridor.

	"Which way?"

	"If you turn right, we can go out into the garden." Josh followed her
directions, and they found themselves in an enclosed garden. It seemed to
Josh like one of those Spanish villas where the walls enclose a beautiful
area. Turning around, he realised that that was what the home was modelled
on - the walls were painted white, and dark red shutters swung from each
window. A path ran in a pattern all around the garden taking them past water
features, a few large, blooming flowers and a couple of bushes with pin
pricks of white flower buds on them. "Stop here." Mrs. Carey said as they
passed a bench. Josh pulled the wheelchair to the side of the bench and put
the brakes on before sitting down.

	"This is a beautiful place." Josh said. A dragonfly flew past the fountain
that they were sat in front of.

	"Is Mark angry at me?"

	"What? Why would he be?"

	"Last week, I was tired, and I couldn't recognise him. I tried to just talk
to him, but things came out I didn't mean to say. And I noticed him start to
cry just before he left." She said. "He's angry at me."

	"No. No, he loves you more than anything. He was so worried that he
couldn't make it this week because of work, but he's not angry, he was just
really upset. I remember a few weeks ago, the second time Mark and I met, he
was really upset cos you couldn't remember him then, but he doesn't get
angry, he just gets really upset, but he understands, he doesn't hold it
against you, he just wishes things could be different." Mrs. Carey nodded.
Josh looked forward, into the small pool under the fountain. Then he heard
Mrs. Carey. She was sobbing.

	"I don't mean to, I just I can't. It's so difficult. I want to, I can't."
She sobbed out. Josh reached over and wrapped his arms around her, she clung
tightly to his back. "I know, I hurt Mark, but I can't... I can't always
remember, it hurts me too."

	"It's ok, Mark understands. He doesn't want you to worry, he'll be fine, he
knows, it's ok." Gradually Mrs. Carey stopped crying, as Josh let her go.
Reaching into the pocket on the back of the wheelchair, Josh found a pack of
tissues, which he passed to her.

	"Are you Mark's friend?" Josh paused, not sure how to respond. But if he
said the truth and said that he wasn't then she might be able to work out
that Mark didn't have any other friends to send.

	"Yeah, yeah I am."

	"Don't let him go. He may seem cold, or distant, but he wasn't always like
that. It's me, it's my fault. He needs someone to help him to open up." Mrs.
Carey looked into the fountain, and Josh realised just how horrible he'd
been when he walked out on Mark.

	"Ummm... do you want to go back inside." Mrs. Carey nodded.

	"Please." Josh took the brakes off the wheelchair, and wheeled her back to
her room. "It's almost half past one, could you wheel me to the dining room
instead."

	"Sure, did you say it was half past one?"

	"Yes." Josh checked his own watch, realising that he'd been there for two
hours, when Mark said he only had to stay for half an hour. Josh wheeled her
down to the reception and off to the left rather than the right. The
receptionist noticed Josh and followed them into the dining room. The dining
room was large, with small round tables laid out over it, probably large
enough for three people at each. "Over there." She pointed to a table with
one other person on it. Josh wheeled her to her place, and put the brakes on
again. "Thank you for visiting me today Josh, could you tell Mark I'm sorry
about last week." Josh nodded. "You must come and visit me again sometime."
Josh nodded again, seriously doubting that it would ever happen.

	"Mr. Chasez?" Josh turned and saw the reception nurse behind him.

	"Yes?"

	"Um, the residents sometimes have a person to entertain them before we
bring out lunch, um we were wondering if you would sing a song or two for
them?"

	"Oh, um..." Josh mumbled, he looked towards Mrs. Carey who had a confused
expression on her face. "Yeah, I guess, sure."

	"Thank you. The man over there will sort you out with a microphone and may
be able to play along for you on the guitar or piano." Josh noticed a man
standing in the corner of the room, and he went over.

	Five minutes later, Josh was onstage, crooning along to the oldest songs he
knew, he figured that the mainly elderly residents would appreciate it.
After twenty minutes or so though, he got off the stage, and the employees
started bringing out the plates of food. Josh walked to Mrs. Carey. "Goodbye
Mrs. Carey."

	"Josh." She said, grabbing his arm. "Don't let Mark go, he needs you." Josh
looked at her for a second, and she released his arm.

	"Goodbye." He said, before hurrying out.

***

***NEWS FLASH***

An earthquake hit the South and South-Western United States this morning.
The unlikely epicentre of New Mexico has been questioned by seismologists.
The earthquake caused massive collateral damage throughout the state, and
beyond. It was registered at the seismological station of Berkeley,
California with a Richter scale reading of 3.1 In the Albuquerque station,
the reading was above 7. The quake was felt as far away as Arkansas and
South Dakota. So far three fatalities have been confirmed.

***

	Mark arrived back from New Mexico on Monday morning. He took his classes
for that day, and then went home and had a nap. About 8 o'clock, he was
woken by the doorbell. He eventually got up answered it.

	"Josh!" He said as he answered the ringing doorbell.

	"Hi Mark, I just wanted to say how I visited your Mom, and she was fine,
and everything was ok."

	"Oh, err... great. Do you want to come in?" Mark asked after Josh had been
standing there for about a minute.

	"Yeah, that would be great." Josh smiled and Mark felt his heart soar. They
sat down in the living room. "So you were in New Mexico this weekend?"

	"Yeah."

	"Pretty mad about that earthquake huh?"

	"What earthquake?" Mark asked, unaware.

	"The earthquake that hit New Mexico and just about every other state in the
West of America." Josh said.

	"I'm sorry I haven't watched the news, I didn't know."

	"How could you miss it? It hit the state you were in! It registered 7 on
the Richter scale!" Josh asked incredulously.

	"What else did the news say?"

	"It was felt like over a thousand miles away in Dakota and Arkansas." Josh
was getting emphatic, how could Mark not know about this? Mark was thinking
deeply. "Where were you in New Mexico?" Josh asked.

	"Los Alamos." Mark said without thinking.

	"The test site?" And then it clicked for Josh. "You were testing one of
those bombs weren't you?"

	"No! It wasn't a bomb, it was a reactivity test, to see how quickly the
reaction occurred and was over."

	"But, the earthquake, it was man-made wasn't it?" Mark looked up at Josh,
who had sprung up from his seat.

	"It might have been, yeah." Mark blinked a few times. "Were there any...
um, any..."

	"Any dead people? Yeah there were!" Josh was shouting.

	"Oh God." Mark said quickly, then stumbled out of the living room quickly.
Josh heard Mark retching up the contents of his stomach in the bathroom. He
went down the corridor Mark had gone down, and looked in. Mark was kneeling
in front of the toilet, and the contents of his bowels were literally
pouring out of his mouth. His body finally went into spasms, but nothing
came out. The dry heaving finally slowed. Mark grabbed some tissues from the
roll by the toilet, and held them to his mouth. He fell on his side by the
toilet, and started crying. His body convulsed with sobbing. Josh took
another step in, and he could see Mark's face. Mark couldn't see through the
tears, they stung his cheeks, and his stomach was still heaving. He held the
tissues over his mouth to catch any residue that came up. He wanted to die.

	"Mark?" Mark finally heard Josh's voice through the veil of tears. He
looked towards Josh.

	"Josh. I... I didn't. I didn't mean to, I didn't know, I'm, I'm sorry. I
don't..." He broke down again into a fresh bout of sobbing.

***

	Just over five hours later, Mark had sobbed himself to exhaustion, and Josh
was still there. As much as he thought Mark was a horrible person for what
he'd done, he found he couldn't leave him. Mark looked like he was about to
kill himself. Would that be such a bad thing? Mark clung to him tightly.
They had moved to the couch in the living room and Josh's shirt was actually
soaked as if he'd been out in the rain. Mark stunk of vomit. Perhaps I
should just go? Josh thought to himself. He started to wriggle out of Mark's
grip. Mark moaned once, but then Josh gradually started to free himself.
Josh retrieved his jacket from the armchair, and started to leave.

	"Josh?" Mark asked sleepily. He looked over the edge of the couch and saw
Josh walking out the door. Josh looked straight into his eyes, and when they
met, Mark nodded slightly, before lowering his head again and curling up
into a ball. Josh left, the door making Mark flinch again as he started over
crying.

***

	The following day, a note was taped to the door of the lecture theatre
again. `Dr. Carey has phoned the college and he will not be attending any
more lectures for this semester. A substitute lecturer will be found within
a week. Options are available for students to transfer to a new course.'
Charlie read it with one of her friends, Maria, and they looked at each
other.

	"I wonder what happened?" Maria asked.

	"I don't know." Charlie said, though she had a worrying suspicion that she
did know - JC. She phoned Justin once she was alone outside. She sat down on
one of the ornamental boulders which decorated the campus, and watched the
bees flying around the flowerbeds.

	"Hello?" Justin answered.

	"Hey, it's me."

	"Charlie! Hey, how are you, wait, aren't you supposed to be in class?"
Charlie smiled, Justin obviously had her timetable nearby and he was reading
it.

	"Um, yeah, that's kinda what I phoned you about. Listen you remember I told
you how three weeks ago Mark missed one of the lectures, and it was kinda
JC's fault cos he walked out on Mark?"

	"Yeah you told me, but JC told me about what Mark does, please don't
bad-mouth JC, I do kinda agree with what he did."

	"Justin, that's not the point, do you remember I told you about how Mark
had never missed a lecture?" Justin thought back.

	"Yeah."

	"Well, he's missing another one right now. And the note on his door says he
phoned this morning and he won't be in for the rest of the semester. Has JC
seen him?"

	"JC spoke to him the other day." Justin answered. "Something about this
weekend, it might have been Sunday. Mark wanted him to do something, and JC
agreed."

	"Well... I don't get it, he seemed fine yesterday." Charlie answered. "Are
you sure JC didn't see him again?"

	"Charlie, please. JC is one of my best friends, I know he wouldn't do
something to deliberately hurt him."

	"Ok, but could you please phone him? Just to see if he did speak to Mark
yesterday. He was the reason that Mark didn't show up last time."

	"Look, I'll try, but I'm not gonna be rude to JC or anything, this is going
to sound like I'm accusing him."

	"Well, please, just ask." Justin thought for a second.

	"Fine. I'll call him now."

	"Thank you, speak to you soon, sweetie." Justin smiled to himself.

	"Bye baby." He hung up on Charlie, and pressed the speed-dial with JC's
number on it.

	"Hello?" Justin heard a tired voice on the other end.

	"JC? Is something wrong?"

	"I was up for most of the night."

	"Why?"

	"I was with Mark, he was upset about... something." JC added.

	"Well, Charlie just phoned me, you know he's cancelled his lectures for the
whole semester?"

	"You're kidding? Well, he was really upset."

	"What happened?" Justin asked.

	"He umm..." JC thought how he could put it without giving away everything,
and admitting that Mark was basically the cause of an earthquake that had
killed what was now more than ten people. "He did something pretty bad with
his research job." Justin frowned, he could tell JC was lying.

	"Look, umm, you don't have to tell me what's going on..." JC sighed a sigh
of relief. "But, could you give him a call? Charlie's really worried."

	"Fine." JC capitulated.

	"Thanks Josh, love you man, speak to you soon."

	"Yeah, bye." They hung up, and Josh walked into his apartment's kitchen.
"Shit." Now he would have to speak to Mark again, and he really didn't want
to. Josh picked up the phone in the kitchen, and dialled Mark's number which
was written on his calendar. The phone rung and rung, but no answer came.
After the third time, Josh sighed. He looked at his watch, and, seeing that
it was only 11, he realised he could get to Mark's house and back before he
was supposed to meet the guys for lunch. So he left his apartment, and
headed for Mark's place. Once outside Mark's house, he knocked on the door.
He waited around for five minutes, but there was no answer. Mark's car was
in the driveway. "Mark?" He shouted as he tried to peer through the glass to
the side of the door. He banged again. There was no answer, and it had been
ten minutes since the first time he knocked. Josh noticed the side gate, so
he walked around the side, and looked into first the living room, then the
dining room. He walked around the other side, and saw first into what looked
like a den, and then into the kitchen. That's when he saw him. Mark was
sitting at the table, his head was resting there, and there was a book under
his head. Josh spied a small white container on the kitchen counter. "Mark?"
Josh shouted as he banged on the French windows which led from the kitchen
into the garden. Mark didn't even move.

	Finally, pulling his sleeve so that it covered his hand, Josh smashed one
of the panes of glass, and, after knocking out the little shards, reached
his hand through. He was in a panic, and he cut his hand once or twice on
little bits of glass. He shook the handle, and finally the door opened. He
ran over to Mark, and pulled his head up from the table. His skin felt
clammy, but still warm. His pulse was still there, but faint and his
breathing was shallow. Josh ran to the phone and dialled 911.

***

	Josh was sat in the waiting room, it had been six hours. He hated
hospitals, and considering his connection to Mark, or lack thereof, he was
considering walking out. But something about the fact that he had found Mark
after he had taken the pills told him that he should stay. A doctor had come
to see him about an hour and a half ago, to tell him that the stomach pump
had done its job, but Mark was still unconscious. Not only was it
questionable whether he would wake up ok, and everything be in full working
order, it was questionable whether he would wake up at all.

	"Josh?" Justin walked into the waiting room. Right behind him walked in
Charlie, who was holding onto Justin's hand, with tears on her face. Lance
followed the two of them. Josh stood up and walked over to them. "Josh, what
happened?"

	"I found Mark." Josh swallowed deeply. "He had taken some pills, most of a
bottle of... I think they were sleeping pills." Josh looked like he was
about to break down again. When he had arrived at the hospital, he had been
in tears.

	"He'll be ok Josh." Josh was really shaken, and Justin reached around him
and hugged him. Lance took Charlie and went to talk to a doctor, to find out
any news about Mark. He knew that he hardly knew Mark, but he figured if he
could help Josh...

***

	Mark woke up later that night, and the nurse on duty told him to rest. His
stomach had been drained and he had had treatment on his blood to help the
process. He was groggy anyway so he went back to sleep. Josh and everyone
else had gone home. Justin bugged JC to tell him what was going on with
Mark, why he was so upset, and finally when they got to Josh's place after
dropping off Charlie, he relented. He told Justin everything. Justin went
into a fit of rage after JC told him what he did the first time, about
walking out. Justin understood Mark's position, and he realised that they
wouldn't even have nuclear power today if it wasn't for those scientists
working for the military in the 30s and 40s. But Josh told him everything,
even about the New Mexico tests, and the earthquakes. Justin went pale.

	"You see? I held him for most of last night, and I guess this morning his
conscience just got to him. This... thing isn't even out of testing, and
it's already killing people."

***

	Josh arrived at the hospital early the next morning, and was told he could
go straight in to see Mark. "Josh!" Mark was surprised to see Josh coming in
the doorway.

	"You're awake!" Josh was surprised to see Mark awake. He dropped the
flowers he had in his hand. After picking them up and collecting himself, he
went and sat by the bed. "How are you feeling?" Mark went sombre.

	"I'm ok."

	"I was the one who found you." Josh said quietly. Mark nodded slightly.

	"I thought you of all people would just let me die." Mark said. "I thought
you would understand why I was doing it." Josh took a gasp when he heard
Mark say that he would just let him die.

	"Mark, I...I despise what you do. I'm not gonna beat around the bush, I
think it's terrible. But you, you personally are not a horrible person. I
realise that. I can't... I won't consider you a friend while you continue
with your work, but as soon as you stop, which I hope will be soon now, I
would gladly be one of your friends. I don't know how much of the blame is
yours for the earthquake..."

	"All of it. I was in charge of the project, I should have checked my
worker's calculations."

	"What do you mean?"

	"There was a sub-project, to work out how such a large explosion would
affect the tectonic plates, or rather, to see how it would affect the
earth's crust. The calculations showed that there would be a minimal effect,
a rumbling, for about 100 miles around with the size of reaction we used. We
went about 200 yards underground to do it! But the guy who worked it out
must have made a mistake. But I should have checked, that's one of the most
important parts of the project, and I should have checked." Josh pursed his
lips. Mark was crying again. Josh was conflicted - how should he feel? On
the one hand, Mark was the leader of a project that was creating something
that could destroy a country. On the other hand, Mark was a kind person, he
felt so terrible for what he'd done that he wanted to kill himself, and he
was only minutes away from succeeding. Josh's hand reached out and gripped
Mark's on the bed. Mark looked over, his mouth hanging open, his tears
gradually disappeared. He had a confused expression on his face. "Josh?"

	"Mark. You aren't to blame." Josh had come to his conclusion. "If I was
driving along the road, and I hit a pedestrian, and they died, it's likely I
wouldn't be blamed, and yet I could have prevented that if I'd been more
careful."

	"Maybe, but it was my job to check those calculations, to make sure
everything was safe."

	"Isn't it the job of the car driver to make sure everything is safe?"

	"Yes, but..."

	"No buts. Mark, you've got to let it go, you've hurt yourself enough, and
there's nothing you can do now. Are you going to carry on with the project?"

	"No." Mark said. "I sent a letter of resignation to the army guy in charge
of the whole project, I guess I wasn't expecting to be in on Saturday
anyway." Mark started crying again. Josh stood and wrapped his arms around
Mark, and hugged him until he fell asleep again.

End of Chapter 4
TBC...