Date: Sun, 16 Jul 2000 22:20:21 EDT
From: Chris13731@aol.com
Subject: I Need Love   (Celebrity, Boy Bands)

Well, here's my first attempt at a story for Nifty. I hope you all like
it. (Inset legal mumbo jumbo here:) If you're under 18 or there's a law
prohibiting you from reading this where you live, leave now. Also, I don't
know the members of *NSYNC or anyone who does know them, I don't know there
sexual preferences. This is complete FICTION.  Thanks for your time. Please
send all questions and comments to Chris13731@aol.com

"What do you mean, I OWE you something?!?!?!" I screamed into the
telephone.  I was already about to break down crying. If I wasn't so damn
angry I'm sure I'd be in a ball on the floor.

"Oh come on, Chris. I sit here almost everyday listening to you bitch about
your pathetic life and how bad you have it. Don't you ever tell me that
I've never done anything for you!" That was Bryan. He USED to be my best
friend.  I'll get into THAT long story after I finish this argument.

"Thanks a lot, man. Now I REALLY know how you feel about this friendship."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he replied.

"Well hell, the only reason I ever trusted you with my problems was I
THOUGHT you cared! Obviously not, considering all you thought I was doing
was BITCHING. I really thought you were a true friend. Now you're basically
telling me that you never even gave a shit! I'm sick of being jerked
around!  From now on, just leave me alone!" I yelled back at him and
slammed the receiver down.

The phone rang about thirty seconds later. That's the only time he ever
calls me, when I hang up on him when he pisses me off. I'd always been
insecure about my self-esteem, and I was never truly convinced that he
wanted to be my friend. The fact that he never called didn't help much,
either. I let the machine pick it up.

"Chris, you always get like this. You just need to settle down and then we
can talk civilly. Call me when you think you can do that."

I HATE it when he acts so condascending! As if he didn't think I felt bad
enough for myself!

Well, I guess it's time for some late introductions. My name is Chris. I'm
from the midwest, but currently I'm living in New York City. I'm 21 years
old and I thought I was gonna break into the entertainment business right
out of college. Let's see how far THAT got me. Right now, I'm a bus boy at
the Hilton. A LOT of good that Commercial Music major got me in the real
world. I have a small apartment about 3 blocks from the hotel, so I usually
walk to work, despite having a perfectly good truck. The guy I just got off
the phone with? That's my friend Bryan. We went to high school together.

      The first time I saw him, I kinda latched on to him. He seemed so
much older, confident. I really needed a good friend and he seemed like a
good place to start with. That and I believe I fell in love with him at
first sight. (I'm bisexual, if any of you cared to know.) It's not like
he's the most attractive guy in the world, he's not, really. It's just I
felt this instant connection from the beginning and I clung to him from
thereafter. He didn't find out about it until our senior year when I
confessed all to him.  He wasn't extremely receptive about it, but he
didn't tell me I was gonna burn in hell, either. If he had responded badly,
though, I would have been crushed. He was my guiding light through high
school. I suffer from manic depression, swinging between extreme highs and
lows. He helped me through a lot of it. However, what I thought was him
helping me with my problems, he apparently thought was him putting up with
my bitching.

      That argument crushed my heart. It wasn't just that the person I
loved didn't really care for me that much. I was losing my best friend. I
didn't really have many other people. My only other close friend is Kelly,
a girl from back home about 3 years older than me. The problem with that
though is that she's Bryan's girlfriend. I couldn't exactly talk to her
about him. It just wasn't comfortable.

      So that's where I left off, crying like there's no tomorrow in the
fetal position on my bed. As my tears were beginning to slow, I looked over
at the clock. SHIT! I had ten minutes to get presentable and show up at
work.  Rushing to the bathroom, I hastily splashed water on my face. I put
some eyedrops in so my eyes weren't AS red, and threw on my work uniform.
Nearly falling flat on my face, I dodged my cat and ran out the door, just
barely remembering to lock it on my way out.

4 Hours Later...........

Working the late shift at the hotel was about the most boring thing there
is. The latest check-ins are usually before midnight and after that there's
not really much for me to do. So right now, at about 2:00 in the morning,
I'm just wandering the halls aimlessly. Finally, I stopped and sat down on
a chair on the 14th floor at the end of the hall.

I'd been trying to push the night's earlier events out of my head. I'd been
doing a fairly good job of it until I ran out of things to occupy my
attention. I instant I sat down in the chair, it all came rushing up on me.
I didn't even feel the tears begin to fill my eyes, all of a sudden they
were just running down my cheeks. I put my face in my hands and laid my
head on my legs. For a while I just wallowed in my own misery.

I don't know how long I had been there sobbing when I heard the elevator
bell ring. I didn't even bother looking up, though. I tried to stifle my
sobs a little as to not draw attention. So much for that.

"Hey, are you OK down there?" a male voice said from down the hall.

I looked up but couldn't really see much through the tears. "yeah, I'm
fine" I forced out through my staggered breaths. The last thing I wanted
was some stranger's fake pity right now.

However, that didn't seem to stop the guy. The next thing I know he's
heading down the hall towards me. I just buried my face back in my hands
and tried to ignore him.

"You don't sound or look like you're fine to me. Far from it, actually.
Wanna talk about it?" He actually sounded like he was genuinely concerned.
But now that I think about it, Bryan had, too.

"No, that's alright. I really don't want to talk right now," I got out
between sniffles.

"I understand. We've all been there, man."

'At least he was gonna leave me to my misery alone,' I thought.

But the stranger didn't leave. He just sat there beside me, listening to my
muffled sobs. After about ten minutes, he spoke up again.

"Do you want a glass of water, at least? That helps me calm down,
sometimes.  We can go into my room and I'll get you one. Besides, no one in
there will be bothering you. I'll leave you alone."

It wasn't really a bad idea, actually. I'd rather deal with one silent
person I don't know than every person that walks by asking if I'm alright.
And I was thirsty. I just nodded.

He stood up, and I slowly followed his lead. We started walking down the
hall and after about seven doors he stopped and put his keycard in one. He
opened the door and I followed him in. He motioned to the bed which I sat
down and laid back on.

"I was out clubbing with my friends before I came back here. I'm just gonna
clean up a little," he said, going into the bathroom. He handed me a glass
of water and returned. "Just relax for a while. I'll be out in a minute if
you want to talk then."

Feeling sure that I wouldn't want to, I just nodded again. I downed the
glass of water quickly and placed it on the nightstand.

'At least he was polite and wasn't prying into my business,' I thought to
myself.

While he was in the bathroom I took the opportunity to look around. There
were four suitcases on the floor, two of which were open. On the dresser in
front of the mirror there was a wide selection of hair care products.
Judging from the identical bottles of some of the hair sprays and gels, I
figured that this guy wasn't staying alone.

'I remember the time Bryan and I shared a hotel room in Chicago,' I thought
sadly to myself. The memory of the dead friendship brought back the crying
that had been subsiding. With the renewed pain I rolled over onto my
stomach and let my tears fall on this poor guy's bed.

I was barely aware of my unknown helper coming out of the bathroom. I
didn't even realize it until he laid down on the bed next to me. I rolled
over to get my first good look at the guy and momentarily stopped
breathing.

I realized I was drowning in the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever seen in
my life. After what seemed like a lifetime of looking into his wonderful
sapphire eyes with my tear-filled hazel, I took a deep breath ('How long
had I gone without breathing?' I thought) and finally looked at his face
and gasped.

I was lying next to a heart-throb for not only myself, but millions around
the world. JC Chasez, one of the cutest boys from the pop group, *NSYNC,
had taken me, crying in the hall, into his room to try to help me feel
better!  And he didn't even know who I was!

"There's the look of thoughts clicking into place I've been waiting for,"
he said with a little grin. He had the cutest little smile!  :)

"Uhm, I, I'm sorry for, uh, bothering you, uhm, Mr. Chasez. Thanks for the
concern. I guess I'll be, er, getting on my way..." I said as I nearly
jumped off the bed and started drying my face with my shirt sleeve.

"Wait, no, don't go! You didn't bother me, really. I was the one who
invited YOU in, remember? Just sit down and stay a while. I won't bite, I
promise," he said with the dopiest grin on his face.

How are you supposed to say no to that face? I doubt anyone's ever been
able to. "Well, I guess if you want me to. I just don't, I dunno, want to
be a burden," I said, sitting down again, this time in a chair across from
where JC was sitting.

"Trust me, it's not a problem. Lance probably won't even be back for
another hour anyway," he said, resting his elbows on his knees and focusing
his attention on me.

'Damn!' I thought. I had completely forgotten about the other person's
stuff I took note of earlier. 'Well, I don't suppose many people can keep
there wits when they're with an international star, either, so I don't feel
THAT bad. But if I meet another *NSYNC hottie I just might faint!'

"Now, for starters, since you obviously know MY name, what's yours?" he
said.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that. My name's Chris" I replied, offering a hand.

He took it in a firm grasp, and seemed to hesitate before letting it go.
Odd. "So you wanna talk about what got you so worked up in the hall?" he
said, a touch of sympathy in his smooth voice and more than a touch in
those lovely eyes.

Oh hell. I had forgotten why I was even in here, too! It all came back in
one wave of emotion and broadsided me. I started weeping like a leaky
faucet once again.

"I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to remind you. Why don't you come on over
here," he said, scooting over a little on the bed.

I stumbled over to the spot and practically fell next to the pop star. He
put his arm around me as I started shaking as the tears came harder.  He
started rubbing my back trying to comfort me and his other hand guided my
head to rest on his shoulder. Before I knew it, I was spouting the whole
story of my miserable, depressing life to one of the hottest teen idols on
the planet.

I felt like a complete idiot, telling many intimate life details to this
person I only know through the radio and TV. I rambled on about how I'd
never really been happy with life. I told him how I graduated from high
school in three years rather than the normal four because I hated it so
much. How all I ever really wanted to do was be in a group just exactly
like *NSYNC (Actually, I wanted to be IN *NSYNC, but that would never
happen!)  How my life had been slowly falling apart for about 5 years. The
whole time I was extremely gender-NONspecific, not wanting to scare off
this poor guy who was already in too far over his head. No sense in ruining
it all by telling him I was bisexual.

When I finally got around to the part where Bryan hattered my final
illusions about someone caring for me in any way shape or form, I'd been
spouting out my life story between sobs for almost an hour. I looked at my
watch and realized how long I'd been in there.

"Oh man," I whined, "I've gotta go sign out downstairs. I hope nobody's
been looking for me. They don't really take well to paying employees for
doing nothing. It was great talking to you, man, thank you so much for
listening."  I was already on my way to the door.

"Hey, Chris, would you do me a favor?"

"Sure, anything!" I said. No matter how stubborn I was about it at first, I
was extremely grateful for JC's comforting.

"Will you come back up here after you're done downstairs? Maybe we could
talk some more or just hang out?"

I couldn't believe it. JC Chasez was inviting me BACK to his room to HANG
OUT! Talk about a dream come true. I quickly flashed a grin and nodded. But
I needed to get downstairs FAST so I went over to shake his hand. When I
got to him we clutched fists and then unexpectedly he pulled me into a hug.

Oh man, I had almost completely forgotten how good it was for somebody to
hold you. It felt like ecstasy to have his arms around me tight. Even if it
was just a friendly gesture, it was the most wonderful thing anybody could
have done for me at that time.

"Thanks, and I'll be back up soon!" I exclaimed as I pulled out the door. I
sprinted down the halls to the stairs and as I opened the door and headed
down, I caught a glimpse of four sharply dressed young men getting off the
elevator and heading in the same direction as JC's room.

BACK IN JC'S ROOM..........

Oh man, what a great guy, JC thought to himself as he watched Chris's head
disappear out the door. I just wish that he wasn't so unhappy in life. I'm
surprised he doesn't have more people closer to him. He's got a magnetic
personality. Even I could tell that just from sitting here holding while he
cried and told me about his whole life. And he's really cute, too.......

None of the guys of *NSYNC knew JC was gay. He didn't really feel
comfortable telling anybody about it at this point. He'd only realized it
within the last year. He almost wanted to tell Lance everything just come
clean about it all. Lance was usually the one he talked to about his
problems. Lance and Justin were his best friends in the group, undoubtedly,
but Justin was just a little too immature to really be much of a help. He
was great and everything, it's just he's gonna need to grow up a little
down the road sometime.

Chris was just captivating to JC. He seemed so interesting and JC really
wanted to get to know him better, even if it was just as a friend. There
was no way Chris was gay. That would be too good to be true. But JC would
love to settle for a wonderful friend like Chris. And it sure seemed like
Chris really needed a friend right now, too.

JC was shaken out of his deep though by the door opening. Lance Bass walked
in, a little sweaty with his spiky hair drooping a little.

"Hey, I thought you came back to sleep," Lance said, surprised to see JC
awake still. The guy rarely missed an opportunity to sleep.

"I did too, but you'll never guess what happened when I got back to the
hotel," JC replied excitedly. He recounted the whole story of meeting Chris
to his friend, down to the last detail. He left out the part about being
mesmerized by Chris. JC really wasn't ready to tell any of his friends in
*NSYNC about his alternative lifestyle.

"Well, he seems like a really nice guy, but you need to settle down. You're
talking about a mile a minute. Sounds like your encounter was more
depressing than exciting, what got you so riled up?" Lance questioned.

The dark-haired boy hadn't noticed how fast he had been talking until Lance
said something. He didn't want to be acting strange and tip Lance off about
being gay. Cautiously, he said, "He's just a great guy and I'd like to get
to know him better."

"For now, you'd better get to sleep, we've got rehearsal from 7-11 tomorrow
morning." Lance said, pulling off his sweat-soaked shirt. He then put on a
fresh white t-shirt and changed from his baggy jeans to a pair of black
Nike mesh shorts for bed.

"Wait a minute, I can't go to bed, Chris is gonna be back up in just a
minute!"

As if his words were a cue, seconds later there was a knock at the door. JC
bounded over to it and took off the chain lock and dead bolt. Opening the
door, he let in Chris, who had added a brown suede jacket and fitted black
baseball cap to his apparel.

"Hey! You didn't get in any trouble for being in here, did you?"

Chris grinned. "No one had a clue I that I'd been gone at all."

"Oh yeah, Chris, this is Lance. Lance, this is my new friend, Chris," JC
said, remembering that Lance was still in the room.

"I feel like I already know you. JC's been going on about you non-stop
since I got in." Lance said with a smile as he got up to shake Chris's
hand.

JC blushed crimson when Lance mentioned that he'd been chattering about
Chris for a while, but the new-comer didn't seem to notice one bit.

JC, eager to move the conversation on, put in quickly, "Oh man, Chris, I'm
sorry, but I forgot that we have an early rehearsal tomorrow morning. But
I'll tell you what," he said. Grabbing a pen and piece of paper from the
hotel room desk, he scribbled some numbers on it and handed the sheet to
Chris. "That's my cell phone number. Call me sometime tomorrow if you want
someone to talk to, or if you just wanna go do something, like go out to
eat, see a movie, go clubbing, anything!" For the second time that night,
JC realized he had been babbling about basically nothing. Man, he thought,
maybe this guy is having even more of an effect on me than I thought!

"Yeah, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then!" After his good-byes, Chris left
the band members to their sleep. He then proceeded to saunter the whole way
home, images of JC floating through his head the entire time.

Manic depression has always caused me to have giant mood swings. One minute
I'll be having the time of my life, the next I'll be crabby and irritable,
then I could suddenly shift to a whimpering crybaby. I never knew when a
shift would happen, but this one almost seemed like it knew exactly when to
hit.

By the time I got home from the hotel, I was walking on air. I had met my
famous crush and he actually wanted to be friends with me!! I had never met
someone in my memory who had ever seemed so eager to be friends with me.
Usually I felt like I was pushing my friendship on someone.

I went inside my apartment and checked my messages. There were eleven!
Turns out, 10 were from Bryan and one was from a coworker asking me to fill
in for him tomorrow afternoon into the evening! Fat chance, I thought to
myself.  I've got someone to call tomorrow! I deleted all of Bryan's
messages 2 seconds into each, and I did the same to the other after I
realized what he was asking.

I headed over to my laptop and logged on to the internet. I usually checked
my e-mail right before I went to bed. I had about 6 messages, 5 of which
were junk. I got down to the last one and it was from Bryan. Odd, I
thought, considering he NEVER EVER e-mails ANYONE. I decided that it might
serve me some good to read it so I opened it.



     Dear Chris, I can't put up with these arguments we have ALL the
time. It just puts a huge unnecessary strain on my life. All it is is you
being irrational and yelling at me. I just can't take it anymore. That's
not the kind of friendship I need or want. I'm sorry, I just can't be
friends with you anymore. Maybe when you grow up some more and learn to
deal with your emotions, we can start over then. You seriously need some
help, please find a psychologist to help you work out these problems. Good
luck with your life.

          Bryan



About halfway through the letter the tears started coming, but I made
myself finish reading it. Usually what started off one of the depressed
moods was guilt. I start feeling guilt for one thing or another regardless
of fault and start blaming everything on myself. Right now, I blamed myself
for making Bryan's life miserable to the point were he couldn't be around
me anymore. I just couldn't deal with that thought. I couldn't live with
myself thinking that.

Bryan had always been my everything. I may not have meant much to him, but
he was the most important thing to me in the world. His friendship was more
important to me than life itself. But suddenly, that huge part of my life
was just gone. Terminated. And it was all my own fault. Or at least that's
the way I kept telling it to myself. That grief is just to much for one
person to deal with by himself. I decided to do what I'd thought about so
many times in my life.

I got up from my seat and slowly made my way to the kitchen. I opened an
upper cabinet and pulled out and almost full bottle of tequila. Twisting
the cap off and throwing it down as I made my way down the hall, I turned
and went into the bathroom. Inside the medicine cabinet there was headache
medicine, cold medicine, and three kinds of prescription medicine. I
grabbed all of the bottles and returned to the kitchen. Spilling the entire
contents of each bottle onto the table, I downed each last one with a swig
of alcohol. Shortly after the last one I felt myself fall off the chair I
was sitting in into what I thought was a deep, peaceful eternal
sleep.......

To Be Continued? I don't know. If you guys like it and I get some positive
feedback then I'll write and post some more.  PLEASE tell me what you
think. Good or bad, I would love to know what someone else thinks. I love
writing it, but if it sucks, please tell me. Anyways, please send all
comments to Chris13731@aol.com Thanks a lot!!!

P.S.-I PROMISE eventually it will have sex. I know a lot of you are just
reading for the sex, but I know there are also a lot who actually want some
good reading. I hope I'm providng for the latter now, and I'll try for the
former later, I hope.