Date: Fri, 15 Sep 2000 00:54:20 GMT
From: Irda Majere <jack_kea@hotmail.com>
Subject: If Only Part II

Hey everyone!! I know it's been a looooong while since I last updated, sorry
about that. I know both of you must be disappointed. :) Anyway, I hope you
like this part. It has a bit of a surprise in it!! I hope you all enjoy my
story, and all feedback is of course much wanted!

Disclaimer: It's lies, all lies! No truth in there anywhere. Don't read
            if you can't handle it, and uh, be good!

If Only
by Irda Majere


Part II


As Ronan climaxed inside his restrained
lover, he let out a loud moan of pleasure; not only because of the jolting
orgasm but also from the satisfaction he got from hurting the man who lay
under him, totally helpless and at the younger man's mercy. When he had
removed his member from Shane's tunnel, he lay himself on top of his
boyfriend's body.

"How was that, baby?" Ronan said sarcastically as he
placed wet kisses all over his lover's neck and face. "I know you like it
when I'm rough."

"Get off me, bitch," was the cold reply. "You're acting
stupid and you know it. All this 'being tough' shit doesn't suit you." At
this Ronan sat up and slapped Shane across the face.

"Shut up, Shane! Just
shut the fuck up!" Though he fought hard to contain it, his voice broke as
he spoke the harsh words. Shane didn't say anything; he just lay still and
stared intently at his lover. The look in his gray eyes was very unnerving,
and Ronan quickly looked away. 'You're weak and you know it,' that look
said, and it only made Ronan even angrier. He stood up and put his robe on.


When he was clad, he stood and looked at his lover for a moment before
speaking.

"This suits you, you know," he said mockingly. "Being tied up
like an animal. In fact, I like you like this so much that I'm not going to
release you."

"What?!" Shane yelled as he started thrashing around in the
bed, pulling at the handcuffs in a vain attempt to free himself. "You can't
just leave me here! Come on, Ronan, you've had your fun! Now let me go so I
can beat the shit out of you, you crazy son of a BITCH!"

Ronan said
nothing. He placed his hands on either side of the naked figure, and his
knees on either side of his leg. Then he reached down and planted a forced
kiss on his boyfriend's lips; but as they kissed he brought his knee up as
hard as he could into Shane's bare crotch, making the dark-haired youth
scream out in agony inside the blonde's mouth.

When Ronan stood up, Shane
was still recovering from the blow so he couldn't say anything. He had
brought his knees as close to his chest as he could, and his eyes were
clenched shut from the pain.

"Don't you ever call my mother that again,"
Ronan said in a voice which was soft but lethal. And with that he left the
room, paying no heed to his band mate's curses and threats which were being
shouted out with renewed strength.

But as Ronan entered his hotel room, he
felt his hard manner begin to slip. He immediately went over to his suitcase
and with his hands shaking, he rummaged around in the large pile of clothes
until he found what he'd been looking for: A large bottle of Jack Daniels,
unopened and incredibly inviting to the troubled youth. After a bit of
effort, he managed to open the bottle and without further ado took a large
swig of the strong tasting beverage. The singer paid no heed to the burning
sensation in his throat, and when he had caught his breath he immediately
took another sip.

This continued until the bottle was almost half empty,
and its consumer half-conscious. But even in his drunken state, Ronan could
still hear Shane's furious voice, promising revenge that he knew would be
twenty times worse than the blonde's petty misdemeanor. He scrambled up off
the floor, but his legs gave way and he slumped back down; so he decided
crawling would be his best option. Slowly but surely the inebriated youth
made his way towards the bathroom. Once there, he grabbed a few of the white
pills that lay strewn all around the floor and stuffed them into his mouth.
Then he gulped down a large drink from his trusty bottle, and as he waited
for the effect from the sleeping pills to kick in, he half-consciously hoped
he hadn't accidentally swallowed some bits of glass along with the
pills.


No matter how hard he tried, Shane couldn't get himself loose. He
had struggled so hard his wrists had started bleeding, but to no avail. But
the dark-haired man wasn't scared; he was furious. Thoughts of revenge ran
through his mind, different every time but always worse than the one
before.

But all the struggling had made Shane exhausted, and though he
fought the drowsiness with all his strength, sleep eventually crept over him
and he slumbered uneasily for some hours.

He was awoken by a loud knock on
the door.

"Shane, you awake? You must-"

"Stephen, is that you?" Shane
yelled back.

"Yeah," Steve replied, a bit puzzled at his friend's eager
tone, "but you must-"

"Get in here, now!" Shane yelled impatiently. God,
Stephen could be so thick sometimes... The door opened and Steve stepped in
carefully, not entirely sure what to expect. His mouth dropped open when he
saw his band mate in the awkward situation, and he quickly stifled a
laugh.

"Shane, what happened?" he asked, trying to keep the laughter from
his voice.

"Never the fuck you mind, just get me out of this!" Shane said
through gritted teeth. Shane's harsh tone made Stephen forget all about the
funny side of the situation, and he began looking around for the key to open
the handcuffs.

"They're on top of the bedside table," Shane grunted. Steve
quickly grabbed them and proceeded to freeing his enraged friend. As soon as
he was free from the handcuffs, Shane stood up, grabbed a pair of trousers
and put them on.

"Shane, you're bleeding," Steve said, horrified by the
blood running down his band mate's wrists.

"No shit!" Shane snapped in
reply as he slammed the door behind him on his way out. Steve was left alone
in Shane's room, absoloutely dumbstruck, but also worried. Where was Shane
going in such a hurry? 'Stupid question,' the singer thought to himself,
'he's off to look for Ronan. He must be the one who handcuffed him to the
bed. But why?' The more Stephen thought about it, the more worried he got
about his friends. Eventually he decided on going over there and see for
himself what was going on.

Stephen was standing outside Ronan's door, about
to knock, when his cellphone rang.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hey, baby!" came the
sweet voice of his lover, Eloy. Stephen turned away from the door, deciding
that Ronan and Shane could take care of themselves. Besides, it wasn't as if
anyone was going to get hurt....

Shane had let himself into his boyfriend's
hotelroom. He had knocked, or banged was better a word, but when he got no
reply he had tried the handle and found out it was open. But when he
entered, Ronan was nowhere to be seen.

"Ronan?" he called. No reply. 'He
must be in the bathroom,' Shane thought to himself and made his way over to
the bathroom.

The sight of his lover sprawled out on the floor, surrounded
by bits of glass and a bunch of those sleeping pills Ronan had been taking
didn't have much affect on Shane. Though it did look like Ronan had tried to
kill himself, Shane knew he was alive. He was too much of a coward to ever
do something like that.

As he looked at the pathetic, but undeniably
beautiful, figure of his long-time lover; Shane's anger started to dwindle.
'I'd be quite sad if I went and beat him up when he's in this state,' he
thought to himself. 'I'd be like any fucking wife beater.' He went and sat
down on the edge of the bathtub, waiting for his boyfriend to wake up.
Judging by the empty bottle of Jack on the floor, Ronan had consumed quite a
bit of alcohol with those pills (again), so Shane knew it'd take a while for
him to wake up. And man, was he going to be a mess when he finally came to!
Shane reached into his pocket for a packet of cigarettes, took one out and
lit it.

He had finished his second cigarette and was starting on the third
when the man at his feet finally began to stir. Shane finished lighting his
cigarette and watched as Ronan sat up, his eyes still shut as they dreaded
the sight of the bright light that filled the room.

"Hey beautiful," Shane
said as Ronan carefully opened his blue eyes. At the sound of his
boyfriend's voice, the blonde quickly stood up, a frightened look on his
worn face.

"Shane, please," he said, his raspy voice already cracking, "I'm
so sorry about what I did, I promise it'll never happen again! I'll do
whatever you want, just please don't hurt me!" Shane stood up and, taking
one last drag from his cigarette dropped it into the toilet. Then he walked
over to his lover who instinctively closed his eyes and averted his face, as
if preparing for a blow. But Shane just took hold of Ronan's chin and gently
turned his face to meet his. Then he placed his lips on Ronan's thinner
ones, a kiss without any force or passion. Ronan's eyes opened and Shane
could see the relief in them as a smile spread across the smaller man's
face.

"Come on, let's get you to bed," Shane said as he took his
boyfriend's hand. "You look exhausted." Ronan followed Shane's lead into the
bedroom, and they both removed what little they were wearing.

When they
were in bed, Ronan snuggled up to his boyfriend and lay his head on his
chest. Shane began stroking the long blond hair that flowed over his
shoulder, and the comforting touch made Ronan close his eyes and enjoy the
nearness of his beloved. It had been a long time since he'd been so relaxed
and comfortable in the arms of his boyfriend, and he intended to enjoy it as
long as he could.

When Ronan woke up, Shane was resting his head on his
elbow and gazing at him intently with a small smile on his lips.

"Good
morning," Ronan said with a smile.

"Finally, I've been waiting for you to
wake up," Shane replied as he placed his hand on Ronan's stomach and began
running it up and down his lover's abdomen.

"Why?" Ronan asked, the same
blissful smile on his face.

"Because you still haven't made up to me what
you did last night," Shane replied as he pulled Ronan closer and planted a
wet, passionate kiss on his mouth. 'Oh, well' Ronan thought to himself as he
felt that feeling of bliss quickly fade away, and be replaced by that same
old feeling of fear he felt when he had sex with his beloved boyfriend. 'At
lest he didn't hurt me like he threatened last night.' Then he broke the
kiss and straddled his lover, pulling him into a sitting position. He
reached his hand down, wrapped it around Shane's shaft and started stroking
it, making Shane reach full hardness in no time. Then he turned around and
lowered himself on top of the erect member. As usual, Shane didn't let Ronan
get used to the size of him and pushed him all the way down. The blond bit
back a cry of pain but dutifully began riding his lover, fastening his pace
as to pleasure his lover as much as he can. Shane ran his hands up Ronan's
torso before resting them on his shoulders. As he reached climax, the older
man pushed his lover down on his cock as he filled his tunnel with the warm
liquid.

"Thanks, baby," Shane said as Ronan removed the organ from his
anus. When he started to sit down, he discovered that his ass was very sore
from the ordeal it had gone through and he winced slightly. Shane noticed
and ordered him to lie down on his stomach. Ronan gasped as he felt his
lover go down on him from behind and before long reached an intense
orgasm.

Shortly after, Shane made up some excuse about having to make a
phone call and left, leaving Ronan feeling used and disappointed. He really
thought that he had finally got through to Shane, that his boyfriend had
finally changed into what the younger man wished him to be. Today's incident
obviously proved that Shane wasn't all bad, that he could be really lovely
sometimes. But sadly, those times seldom lasted more than a day, sometimes
only a couple of hours. There was nothing he could do but just hold on and
hope for the best.

A few weeks passed, and finally came the day they had
all been waiting for: The day their vacation started. And it was going to be
a long vacation, what with the solo stuff they were all preparing.

Shane
and Ronan decided to stay in England because of Shane's racing. They stayed
in the big house Shane owned over there, and Ronan looked forward to a
relaxing holiday. Well, working holiday, but he enjoyed being in the studio
so it hardly seemed like work. Finally, everything seemed to be going okay
for the young couple.

******************

Somewhere in a hotel in
London......


'God, I've waited for this,' the young man thought to himself
as he let the warm water of the shower wash over him. As he lathered his
body in the sweet-smelling hotel shower gel, he tried to get his mind of the
day's worries and concentrated on getting squeaky clean for the night's
sure-to-be horrid outing.

But because he was trying so hard to keep his
mind elsewhere, he didn't notice when someone stepped into the shower with
him until he felt someone slip their firm but gentle arms around his waist
and draw him to them. He panicked for a moment but soon guessed who it was.
He sighed.

"You scared me there for a moment," he said to the taller man
behind him. 'Don't let him get you this time,' he thought to himself as his
friend started kissing the back of his neck suggestively. 'Be strong for a
change. You can't let him carry on using you like this.'

"Aw, I'm sorry,
baby," the taller man purred into his captive's ear, "I didn't mean to
frighten you." He slid his long fingers across the older man's stomach,
heading downwards before reaching his goal.

The smaller man drew in a
sharp breath as his bandmate took his member in both hands and quickly
brought it to attention. "Please don't," he pleeded half-heartedly, though
he knew it was to no avail. They both knew he would give in, he always did.
His friend had him wrapped around his beautiful fingers, and that went
especially for his midsection.

"You know you want it," the taller man said
in the same purring tone, "why fight it?" With that he positioned himself at
the opening of the other man's hole.

'So much for being strong,' the
dark-haired youth thought to himself as he felt his young friend push his
hardened shaft into him, never removing his big hands from his own swollen
cock.

When the couple had finished their love making, they got dressed in
silence. A pleased smile played across the younger man's stunningly
beautiful face, the other's handsome features were creased with worry. Their
bizarre relationship had been going on for a while now, and it was driving
the dark-haired youth insane. His feelings for his carefree bandmate grew
stronger by the minute, but were being promptly ignored by the younger man.
'We can't go on like this,' the smaller man thought to himself as he put the
finishing touches to his short, dark hair. 'Someone's going to get hurt, and
it'll most definitely be me.' Suddenly there was a loud knock at the
door.

"Josh, Just, you ready?" Chris shouted through the door. "We have to
get going!"

"Hold your horses, hot stuff!" Justin replied as he finished
putting the last carefully positioned curl into place. "We'll be right
out!"

"Well hurry up! And leave all indecent acts for AFTER the party.
We'll be killed if we're late!" The pair heard Chris's footsteps as he moved
down to Lance's room. Justin had never kept it a secret that him and JC were
at it, he even came on to him when the others were around, much to Josh's
displeasure. Justin grinned and winked at his roommate.

"We already did
that, didn't we Joshy boy?" He planted a quick kiss on JC's cheek as he
strode past him towards the door. "And you were positively wonderful," he
said over his shoulder in a patronizing tone as he slipped out the door,
leaving it open for his pained bandmate. Josh sighed as he followed his love
out the door, closing it behind him but wishing he could just stay behind
and drown himself in the liqour from the mini bar.

******************

In a
big celebrity do somewhere in London.....


"Shane, you don't seriously
believe there's something between me and Shane?!" Ronan exclaimed to his
stubborn lover. They were currently in the bathroom of the big club, keeping
their lover's quarrel away from prying eyes.

"Don't give me that Ronan, I
know you fancy him! I've seen the way you look at him, I'm not blind!"


"Shane, please believe me: I don't want anyone but you! Honest!" Shane
looked at him critically, as if wondering if his boyfriend was telling him
the truth. Finally his face softened a bit and Ronan let out the breath he
had unconsciously held as he awaited his love's reaction.

"Alright, I'll
believe you. But if I ever catch you with that guy, I swear, I'll kill him!"


"Don't worry baby, you won't," Ronan said with a feeble smile. Shane
seemed content, and when he'd planted a small kiss on Ronan's lips he
returned to the party.

'Undoubtedly to find some big breasted bitch to go
home with,' Ronan thought bitterly as he fought the tears that threatened to
fall once again. Mananging to keep them back, he drew a deep breath and left
the bathroom, quickly disappearing into the crowd.


"Isn't this great?"
Joey shouted in Justin's ear to be heard over the deafening music. Justin
just nodded in agreement, his eyes never stopping as they roamed the
surroundings, looking for potential 'prey' as he and Joey liked to call
it.

'Which should it be tonight?' Justin thought to himself as he checked
the club's stock. 'Male or female?' Him and Joey had argued long and hard
over the advantages and disadvantages of being bisexual. Joey had pointed
out that when you're bi, you can never know which you want to end up with,
at least not when you acted like Justin, sleeping with men one week and
women the next, never sure which he prefered. But then Just had pointed out
that when you liked both, you had twice the amount to choose from. And Joey
had to agree with that in the end, leaving Justin as the triumphant winner
of the debate.

Voicing Justin's musings, Chris asked: "So, which will it be
tonight? Nice and wet, or nice and tight?" Justin grinned.

"Dunno," he
shouted back, "I'm just gonna wait and see." Chris smiled and shook his
head, always amused and amazed by his young friend's stamina. He watched the
curly haired nymph disappear into the crowd, and prayed that he wouldn't get
himself into trouble this time. He just wasn't in the mood to get him out of
it.


Ronan stood looking around the club, hoping to find someone to talk
to. He knew the 'Lifers were there tonight, and he'd also heard that 'Nsync
were coming. He hadn't seen them for ages, but he remembered them to be
decent guys, especially JC and Lancce. He'd really got along well with those
two. That curly haired thing was a bit too wild, but man, was he good
looking! 'Shane would cut my balls off if he knew what I was thinking,'
Ronan thought to himself, a bitter smile touching his thin lips. Then he saw
someone very familiar in the crowd, dancing with a blonde bimbo and
obviously having a good time at it. "The bastard!" Ronan said to himself. He
had said it quite loud so he quickly looked around to see if anyone had
heard him. No one seemed to have noticed, but that didn't make him feel any
better. Why did he do this to him? His vision was blurring by the second,
but suddenly a tall frame filled it. Hurriedly blinking back the tears he
looked up to see the man's face. It was Justin.

"Hi there!" the younger man
said cheerfully, flashing his cheesy smile at the shorter man. "Long time no
see! How have you been?" he asked conversationally. Ronan gathered his
composure before replying.

"I've been good, and you?" he said with a smile,
glad for the distraction. 'And he isn't any less gorgeous than last time.
Wouldn't mind a bite of that at ALL...' "How are the others?" he asked when
Justin had answered his previous question, hoping he hadn't caught him
staring. But the younger man had noticed, and happily drank in the
attention.

"They're fine," Justin said absently as he looked the smaller
man up and down, not hiding that he was checking him out. The frankness of
the act made Ronan blush, and he thanked the lord for the lack of lighting
in the club. "So, you here alone?" Justin asked as he moved a fracture of an
inch closer to his prey.

"Well I was here with Shane, but he got lucky,"
Ronan said with a smile he hoped wasn't too sarcastic. Justin's smile seemed
to widen when he found out Ronan was alone, and he intentionally licked his
lips as he gave Ronan a seductive look. Ronan swallowed hard when he
realised the temptation which was rising in front of him.

"What about you,
you didn't bring a date?" he asked, hoping to distract himself.

"Well,"
Justin said, "I was hoping to find one here, see." 'He's mine,' Justin
thought to himself, 'never thought he'd be this easy. Must've been ages
since he last got some!' He pictured the blond man naked before adding to
himself, 'Can't understand why...'

"So, wanna get a drink or something?"
Ronan offered. He knew he'd be killed if he went home with this man, but the
temptation was strong. Too strong. 'What's the harm in going with him
anyway?' he thought. 'It's not like Shane has ever been true to you.' But he
had to make his decision sooner than he thought when Justin leaned in and
whispered in his ear.

"How about we just skip the drink and go to your
place for a nightcap?" He placed his hands on Ronan's waist as he spoke, and
he clearly heard Ronan draw a sharp breath at his touch.

"Um," Ronan
swallowed. 'This is it. Make up your mind.' "Okay," he gave in. "But how
about we go to your place? I'm staying with Shane, see. It'd be kinda rude
to bring company when you're a guest."

"But I'm sharing a room with Josh,"
Justin argued, his hands still on Ronan's waist. He slipped his thumbs under
Ronan's T-shirt and stroked the soft skin underneath. "Don't want him
sharing a bed with us, now do we?" Even through the horny haze, something
caught Ronan's attention. He backed up away from the tantalizing touch and
looked up at Justin.

"You two share a bed?" He had had his suspicions about
those two, and the last thing he wanted to do was steal another man't
boyfriend. Justin reached out and pulled him back to him.

"Mix up at the
hotel," he said in his purr-like voice that worked so well on Josh. "So,
what do you say? Your place?" Taking it even further, Justin slipped his
tongue out and licked at Ronan's ear, making the older man gasp.

"Okay,"
Ronan agreed. 'He probably won't be home for ages, anyway. And so what if he
does? It's not like he can say anything.' Caught in self-deception, Ronan
allowed himself to be led out of the club and into 'Nsync's limo, which took
them to the lonely house Shane had bought.

The house was secluded, and
quite old so it had a real haunted look about it at night. But neither Ronan
nor Justin were thinking about the house as they made their way inside and
up to the bedroom.