Date: Mon, 28 Feb 2000 09:28:52 PST
From: Purple Raven <purpleraven81@hotmail.com>
Subject: If You Knew What I Knew Part One

This is fantasy.... meaning that it is not real.. DO NOT READ IF UNDER
EIGHTENN, OR IF THIS IS ILLEGAL IN YOUR AREA.  THIS IS MALE MALE SEX.

Okay not only sex.. But male male relationships...

This popped into my head.. I am still writing Friends and Lovers don't
worry...

******************

Chapter One.

AJ rolled over in their bed, cuddling to his sweat southern lover.  "Alex
we have to go" Brain murmured holding him close to his heart.

"Why?" AJ whined. "We have to meet you mom for dinner and a visit. We
promised, you know that she doesn't see enough of you she misses you."
Brian replied, rubbing his hands over AJ's arms, tracing the many tattoos
there. "Why?"  He moaned, "We could be late." he said looking up at his
lover pleadingly.


 "No we can't" Brian pushed him out of the bed.


 "Lunch and a visit then we can come home?"


 "Yes." Brian chuckled; at least Denise was supportive of them. His parents
weren't talking to him ever since he told them that he was not leaving AJ
and that loving someone was not a sin.


 " They'll come around." AJ whispered kissing him gently, tracing the small
cross on his shoulder, leaning against him.


 "Maybe someday." Brian replied, half smiling, they were never going to
talk to him; the feeling of abandonment was so similar to.. No he wasn't
going to even go there.


 "Let's shower" AJ's voice broke Brian out of his thoughts. "Sure go get it
ready I'll be right there." He replied, flipping over to turn off the alarm
before it could go off. AJ laid on the floor. Watching as his lover climbed
off the bed, he walked casually to the bathroom, and AJ let loose a cat, it
was just too good to resist. When they first got together, Brian always
wore his robe especially after sex; he was so self-conscious of his
body. But when AJ kissed his scar in the hospital, after the surgery,
telling him that it was a part of him, and that meant that it was
beautiful. Brian gave up any pretense of being shy. Brian turned shooting
him a dirty look; it was ruined by the fact that he was blushing.


 "Joining me or not?" He said winking at the younger man, on the floor, AJ
jumped up, and raced to the door, slipping past him. "Yeah, come here I
need to feel that sexy body." he teased, bending over showing him his tight
ass. Brain smiled and leaned past him to turn the water on, he wanted to
get clean, and dressed, as they only had a half an hour before they had to
meet Denise, AJ grabbed his hand in his, twinning their fingers together,
leaning up to kiss him gently. style="mso-spacerun: yes"> He wondered how
AJ could love him, when in the three years together he had never been on
the bottom, the fear that he felt whenever someone got close was too much
to bear. AJ never questioned it; rather he just accepted it and perfected
his blowjob techniques.


 "Love you" Brian smiled at him.


 "Love you to."  AJ replied. They climbed in the shower adjusting the
temperature together; Brian wrapped his arms around AJ's waist, as he
reached for the soap. He rubbed it all over AJ's stomach; the lather was
lush with a strawberry smell.


 "Gift?" AJ asked.


 "Yeah from the last tour." Brian replied. AJ chucked as he grabbed the
shampoo bottle pouring a small dab in his hand, before he rubbed it into
Brian's hair. "Close your eyes" AJ warned as he directed his lover under
the showerhead so the warm water could wash the lather away. He turned
looking for the conditioner; it wasn't on the side ledge.


 "It's there.  Sorry" Brian whispered pulling back from his lover.


 "Brian it's not a big deal. I don't care." AJ smiled at him, as he pulled
him closer to finish his hair. "I'll do it." Brain grabbed the bottle out
of his hand, quickly conditioning his hair, and stepping out of the shower,
grabbing a towel and running into the bedroom, he locked himself in the
closet.


 "Brian, come on." AJ tried to cajole him in the bedroom.


 "I'll meet you downstairs." Brian called out.


 "Okay." AJ gave up, this happened every week, at least once, his lover ran
from him almost like he was afraid of him. They were happy on the tours
until they got home, then it got worse. AJ was afraid that he was going to
lose him and he didn't have a clue why.

AJ waited for Brain at the bottom of the stairs. "Hey, ready?"


 "Yeah," Brian said walking out the door. "Brian can I ask you a question?"


 "Sure."


 "Why do you run from me?"


 "I don't."


 "Brian you just did. Why?"


 "I don't know. I'm fine, we have to meet your mother, let's go." Brian put
his seat belt on, and turned to the car window, effectively cutting off all
conversation with his lover.

*******************************

The guys arrived at Denise's with in a few minutes, although it seemed like
hours to AJ, he could never stand it when they didn't talk, and it
especially hurt when Brian didn't talk to him. AJ punched the speak button
on the intercom.  "MOM!"


 "I'm out back come on in." She called back; AJ punched in the code opening
the door for Brian to walk in first. They both removed their shoes, as
neither of them wanted to face the wrath of Denise if they walked across
her white floor with them on.


 "Hey mom." AJ hugged her; she smiled at the young man in her arms. "Brian
come here and give me a hug" she opened her arms, letting go of her son, to
gather her other man into her arms. "Hey Denise." He said. "Mom, Brian you
are supposed to call me mom," she chastised teasingly. "So what do you want
to eat?" she asked as she walked over to her patio door, and the kitchen
they had just walked through. "Whatever mom." AJ replied, flopping down on
to the lounge chair behind him, Brian nodded his agreement, as he sat on
the very edge of the same chair.


 "Come here."  AJ pulled Brian closer to him, putting his arms around him,
he pulled Brian up on to the chair so that he was sitting between his legs,
with his arms resting on his knees, his back pressed against his chest.


 "I love you always." AJ whispered, trying to sooth him, hoping that a
declaration would keep him calm, and relax him.


 "Me too."  Brian replied, hoping that AJ would let it go. He didn't want
to talk about it; he never wanted to talk about Tony. No one knew about
him, except Harold, and that was only because he was there for it. It never
happened, Brian could forget about it, make like it never happened.

Denise watched them from her kitchen window, she sensed that Brian was
scared of something; she hoped that he would talk about it. She picked up
the phone and dialed Kevin's number; she hoped that he knew what was going
on. Big daddy always seemed to know what was going on, they had this habit
of going to him on the road, when they needed to talk. She would have
phoned Jackie, but that was a lost cause, Denise could never understand how
a mother could turn her back on her own child, and that was effectively
what she was doing. Anyway they weren't talking, ever since she had
supported their sons in their love for each other.


 "Hello" a sleepy Kevin answered the phone on the fourth ring.


 "Kevin, it's Denise. Can we talk?"


 'Denise. Sure."  Kevin sounded more awake, when she told him who it was.


 "It's about Brian."


 "What? Is he hurt?"


 "No. He seems fine, a little scared maybe, it's so hard to tell with
him. IT like when her first joined the group." Denise tried to explain.


 "Oh." Kevin sat there, a little unsure of what to say.


 "He's tense around AJ. Is something going on with them. Is he.."


 "God NO. Denise never. AJ wouldn't neither would Brian."

 "Oh I know but he seem scared of AJ."


 "Oh."


 "Do you have any idea why?"


 "It could be.  No."


 "What? Kevin tell me."


 "I don't know the whole truth, but he was with a guy before he joined the
group, it didn't end well. At least that is what Harold told me." Kevin
said,


 "Kevin could I have Harold's number?"


 "Sure. Your going to call aren't you?"


 " I have to. He's like my own you all are."


 "Kevin can you tell me anything about this guy?"


 "Well his name is Tony, and Brian got really quite around him, he wore
long shirts for like a month when he got here. You remember that?"


 "Yeah. I should probably phone Harold,"

  "Oh yeah, just give me a sec. I'll get his number for you." Kevin said,
he placed the phone on the nightstand, and swung off the bed, heading
towards the dresser, quietly so that he didn't wake his love in the bed. It
to late, when he turned he saw his lover stretching, beginning to
wake. Kevin motioned for him to be quite pointing, to the phone mouthing
that it was Denise.


 "Denise her it is." He picked up the phone, jumping a little bit when a
warm hand wrapped around his cock, working him towards an erection.


 "Thank you Kevin, " she waited for him to give it to her, laughing quietly
as she heard him moan a little. Nick must be over. "Kevin can I have it?"


 "Oh. Yeah sorry. 1 706-542-6671." He rattled it off and hung up hoping
that she would understand. Apparently not as the phone rang again.


 "Kevin say good morning to Nick for me. Bye" Denise said quickly, before
hanging up.


 "What!" Kevin yelled, startling Nick into dropping his hand away form
him. "What?"  Nick asked pulling himself up further in the bed so he could
kiss Kevin's shoulder. "She knows about us." Kevin said turning to look at
him.  "So." Nick replied falling back on the bed. "So? You told her."
"Would that be so bad?" Nick replied looking up at him.  "Nick you told
her." "No she figured it out. Denise always knew how I felt about you. So
when I got happy four months ago she knew I had you in my life. You make me
happy." "Nick I'm twenty seven years old, you are nine teen." "So. I don't
care."


 "I do." Kevin blurted out. "Oh. So you are ashamed of being with me." Nick
glared at him, before rolling off the other side of the bed. "No Nick I'm
not ashamed of being with you." Kevin backpedaled. "Sure. Well you know
what I LOVE YOU." Nick yelled at him, before fleeing out of the room, only
to rush back in to stand before Kevin. "And if you tell me that I don't
I'll hurt you. I have loved you since I was sixteen." He said simply, as
though he was giving the time of day. He grabbed his robe and walked out
the door, leaving Kevin to deal with his thoughts.

Kevin sat on the bed, he couldn't help but wonder why Nick told him
that. Nick couldn't love him, he was only nineteen, he was twenty-seven the
age between them was too much. He was to young anyway to be in love wasn't
he? Kevin knew that being with him was not right, he wasn't even legal to
drink in the states, yet here he was sleeping with an older man. He
couldn't help it though, being with him made Kevin feel young again, and he
did care about him. So lost in his thoughts that he didn't even see Nick
walk back in to the room, until he heard his voice. "I'll leave."


 "No, don't. We have to talk." Kevin replied, smiling or trying to.


 "Kay, we'll talk downstairs." Nick walked out the door again. Leaving him
to follow. Kevin stood, and grabbed his robe, he quickly ran down the
stairs in to the kitchen, finding Nick brewing a pot of coffee for him, and
a cup of tea for himself.  Nick turned to him. "Why did you kiss me?" he
asked.


 "What?"


 "You kissed me, six months ago, why?"


 "I wanted to."


 "Not good enough." Nick replied crossing his arms.


 "I've always wanted to. I though you were cute and when you matured and
became more responsible I became attracted to you, because you were still a
kid at heart. Nick you haven't had what could be called normal life, but
you have handled it so well." Kevin tried to explain.


 "You just decided to take a chance?"


 "Yeah."


 "Is there any thing else?"


 "No."  style='mso-tab-count:1'>


 "Okay."


 "Okay?"


 "Yep my turn. When I met you, I thought you were the cutest man that I
could ever know. I knew that I was gay then, but I couldn't tell you
guys. When AJ announced his love for Brian and you were disgusted with it I
felt that I had a chance. Then you dated Lance, and I knew that I had a
chance at least in my head. I know that I'm going to be with a guy for the
rest of my life, I wanted it to be you."


 "Wanted?"


 "Kevin I love you, but if you are not sure that you can feel the same
about me then I need to move on. Getting my heart is not part of the deal."
he finished pushing himself to his feet, and turning to go upstairs.


 "Nick" Kevin's voice stopped him, he couldn't look at him, if he did he
would crack.  "Please look at me. I need to see your eyes." Kevin said alas
he slowly walked up behind him.


 "Kevin you need to think, and I can't be her while you do." Nick walked
away, fighting the tears threatening to fall. "I'm going home."


 "Nickolas Gene Carter. You wanted to talk, get down here." Kevin yelled
after him.


 "Kevin latter." Nick yelled back.


 "NO NOW."  Kevin yelled jogging up the stairs.


 "Kevin give me a week. style="mso-spacerun: yes"> A week then we'll talk."
Nick said pulling on a pair of his shorts.


 "NO!"


 "Kevin, please." Nick turned to look at him, not hiding the tears, hoping
that Kevin would just let him go.


 "One week." He agreed seeing the pain in his lover's eyes.

The End for know...

Please send comments to purpleraven81@hotmail.com

Raven.