Date: Thu, 28 Dec 2000 14:52:20 -0600 From: Lee McDougal <leo1980@gay.com> Subject: "If You Were To Hold Me" Chapter 12 Well, this is the final chapter of my story. Thanks for sticking with me till the end! I know it's been strange, and maybe even scary at times, but I've really had fun with it. And it's certainly been a learning experience. Please let me know what you thought of the story as a whole... and if you want to see more stories like this in the future, or if I should stick to Scifi! LOL! leo1980@gay.com Please visit my site, at http://home.gay.com/leo1980 If You Were To Hold Me Chapter 12 "Did you hear the news? Brian of the Backstreet Boys? Yeah, he's gay, and in love with Tony! I hear they are engaged or something!" Stated a teen girl on the phone. The news of Brian's coming out spread fast, really fast. It was mostly what everyone was talking about. Among all the whispering, 10 people near the breaking point at times...10 people that have lead very different lives...have come together one more time. This is the story of their last day together, before they all go their separate ways. "Did you see this one honey? It's the best yet I think!" Brian said pointing at another newspaper. It read `Pop-star Tony starts trend, Brian Littrell second pop-star to come out this year.' "Oh wow, I've never been trendy. I wonder who will come out next?" Anthony laughs at the thought of it becoming a trend. "Probably one of the N `sync guys...they've copied everything else we've done! Why not!" Brian said. Which set them both off on a laughing spree. _______________________________________________________________ On the roof of the hotel: Emerald had finally found the energy to get out of bed. She wondered around a while, till she found herself here... 20 stories up. How fragile she was at this moment. In her mind she had lost all she wanted. She lost AJ. "So this is the price of fame? You loose everything that matters to you? If that's the way it is, I don't want it." Emerald was looking over the edge. "Wouldn't it be so much easier if I just jumped? No more sadness...no more pain. It'd all go away..." ________________________________________________________________ In Howie's hotel room earlier: "Will you marry me?" Howie asked Ruby. Ruby`s first instinct was to grab him and kiss him and scream to the top of her lungs `yes`, but her heart and mind told her to think it over. Her eyes focused in staring at him to make sure he was serious, that this wasn't some dream. She stared at him till Howie's forehead was damp with sweat...but she was no longer really seeing him, she was lost in her thoughts. She knew what her answer had to be. "No Howie...I can't." She said as the tears ran down her face. With that Howie left. He couldn't face her. He was crushed. His heart was so heavy each step was almost too much for him. But still he had to get out of there. As the door slammed, "Not yet Howie, it's just too soon." _________________________________________________________________ Emerald sets down on the edge...trying to build up the courage to push her over or the courage to go back...both seemed so terrifying to her. It was too painful to live without love...to scary to die. What was she to do? She was stuck there on that edge. Would anything save her now? "Emerald, what are you doing?" Nick called out to her. "Don't come any closer Nick...if you do I'll fall...the edge is so slippery." Emerald said. "What do you mean?" Nick said confused. "I don't know...it's almost like it's calling to me...like some unheard voice is calling me. It's saying...Jump; jump and all your pain will go away!" Emerald said scooting till more of her body slid over the edge. Just the edge of her lower back was keeping her on the edge now. "No don't! It's not worth it Emerald. There are more people that care about you than AJ. He's a jerk. Come back! Think of Tony...he'd die without his sister! And what about Ruby, she needs you...and your mother she'd never get over loosing you!" Nick tried to remind her of all those that loved and needed her. "Momma." With that said she lost her balance and started to fall. Nick ran to catch her... _______________________________________________________________ Tony slipped away from Brian for just a bit. He needed to do one more thing to complete his plans. "That's perfect, yes you sized it just right! Thanks so much, the inscription is wonderful!" Tony excitedly stated. "It's a beautiful ring sir." The Jeweler stated. "He's going to flip when he sees it!" Tony stated. ________________________________________________________________ "I got you!" Nick said barely catching her arm. It was difficult but he managed to pull her up. Once she was up, they both fell down on the roof. Exhausted. Nick held Emerald tightly to him, as she cried from fear, from regret, and for the hope that Nick had given her. He had reminded her how precious life was...by reminding her that she really was important. After she had gained her voice back: "Nick, thank you so much. You saved me in more than one way. You woke me up from my selfish depression...when I thought only my happiness matters. But really what matters is that other people love me, and need me...and that's what makes me happy, not AJ, not any man!" "That's the girl I know. You're a lot stronger than you sometimes show." Nick held her face with his hand lightly stroking it. "Let's get out of here Nick. Do you think you could help me back to my room?" Emerald asked. The two of them walked slowly back to Emeralds room...Emerald leaned on Nick, partially cause she was exhausted and partially for the comfort. She wonders how she over looked Nick, and the value of his friendship. _____________________________________________________________ Later, Nick is back at his room. "I'm glad your flight was good ma'am. I know it meant a lot to Tony that you could be here. Yeah, Brian's clueless. It'll be great! And apparently there's even more to celebrate, the girls are going on tour in England." Nick explained. "Great, I knew those girls would go far. Now, when do I need to go downstairs?" She asked. "Just be there around 12:45. That way we'll be ready a bit early." "Early for what?" Brian asked opening the door to Nick's room. "Oh sorry, I have to go `mom' talk to you later." Nick pretends. "Oh, making plans for Christmas then?" Brian asked. "Yeah...So where's Tony?" Nick asked changing the subject. "He's still in the shower. I still don't know why he wants to go for a drive now...But at least he did say something about a romantic dinner tonight. So I guess I'll go along with it." Brian said smiling. "You guys are so great together. I'm really happy for you Brian. Listen, I have to go for now, but you guys have a great time." Nick told him. "Listen man, I know I don't spend much time with you lately since I met Tony...I'm sorry, maybe you could go with us this evening...and then when we get back you can go hang with Kevin. Lord knows he's been keeping to himself too much lately." Brian suggested. "I'd love to go, but I really can't...and besides, you two can have a lot more fun alone." Nick told him. "Well, at least consider the Kevin part...I worry about him you know." Brian told him. "I know, but he'll be fine. Just go have fun! See you later man!" Nick said running out the door. `That was too close.' Nick thought to himself. Brian leaves the room, and finds Tony dressed and ready to go. He was walking towards Nick's room. "Hey babe, I was just coming to get you." Brian said. "Thanks, but since I'm already here, let's get going." Tony stated taking Brian's arm. "It's so great that we can do that in public finally." Brian said kissing Tony's cheek. The two of them walked to the elevator and pushed the down button...and soon they were off for a short ride. But what were Nick and Tony really planning? __________________________________________________________ At the hotel Restaurant: "I'm really glad you made it Emerald. Tony would be worried if you didn't make it." Ruby told her sister. "It's not a problem Sis. I know I was upset before, but there's so much to be happy about...I just can't let everything get me down. If just for today, I'm going to be strong for Tony and Brian. This is really their day isn't?" She asked her sister. "Yeah, and they earned it. They both have gone through so much pain, and finally it's paying off. They can be themselves, and they have both found the love they were looking for. We should all be so lucky." Ruby said hugging her sister. The group was almost complete now. Emerald, Ruby and Howie, Nick, Kevin, Blake, and even AJ had arrived on time. Tony and Brian's mothers had gotten there early to make sure everything was perfect. "They'll be here any minute guys...are we ready?" A nervous Nick asked. "Of course we are, and you should know...you and Tony cooked this whole thing up anyway." AJ said. "I know...it's just we had so little time to get everything ready. I hope everyone has a good time today." Nick told his friends. Then they heard voices coming their way...They all got quite, and when Tony and Brian came into sight... "Surprise!" They all yelled. "What? What's going on? Is it your Birthday?" Brian asked Tony worried that he didn't have a gift. "No silly, my Birthday's in March. This party is for you!" Tony said hugging his boyfriend. "It's not my birthday either!" Brian said happy for the party, but not knowing why. "Well, it's to celebrate your coming out! Tony and I both thought you deserved a big reward for the courage you showed yesterday. So here we all are!" Nick said. "Thanks you guys...Wow Faye your here too!" Brian said hugging Tony's mom. "Of course, I was so proud of you both, that I had to come see you both!" She answered. Soon they all set down to talk and eat lunch. AJ was quite and talked mostly with Kevin only, but it was good to see they both had someone to associate with. Blake was talking to the girls and telling them how proud he was of them, and that he was sorry he couldn't go with them to England. "I know I'd love to go, but I'm just not what you girls need. Your big time now and I'm just an amateur." Blake told them. "Well, if this new guy isn't to our likings we are going to kick your ass, you know that right?" Ruby asked him. "Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way." Blake smiled to them. After finishing their lunch the group took to the dance floor. They danced in couples. Brian and Tony, Ruby and Howie, Nick and Emerald, Kevin and Faye, and the odd couple AJ and Blake all danced together. "Thanks for loving me enough to tell the world the way you fell for me. I mean I know you came out for you...but you didn't have to tell them how you felt about me. And the fact that you did makes me feel wonderful inside." Tony told him. "The announcement of me loving you was more important to me, than coming out." Brian told him. As they danced close together. Kissing occasionally. "Howie, I'm sorry about earlier...it's just we haven't known each other that long...and I'm still quite young. I want to see the world...before I get married. But that doesn't mean I don't love you, and that I don't want to marry you. It's just..." Ruby stated. "Too soon, I know babe. I don't know what I was thinking. Just promise me you want fall in love with some British stud over there." Howie stated. "My love is only for you dear, you have nothing to fear." With that she laid her head on his shoulder and they continued to dance. "You're a pretty good dancer Nick." Emerald said. "What do you expect, I do it all the time with the shows and stuff." Nick joked. "Yeah, but some things can't be taught. You know exactly how to hold me...and how to not get too close, yet not far enough away either...and you know just when to move in." Emerald said looking into his eyes. "Like this..."Nick leaned in and kissed Emerald sweetly. AJ saw this and ran out of the room...He couldn't believe she would move on so fast. What had he done? "Nick, look what you did..." Emerald stated pointing towards AJ leaving. "Oh shit...I'll be back soon. I got to go talk to him." Nick left after him. Elsewhere, Tony and Brian had slipped outside for some air. Tony kissed Brian deeply once more. "Thanks so much babe, I don't know what I did to deserve such a great guy, but I'm forever thankful!" Brian said. "Well, I have one last surprise for you." Tony said pulling out a small box. `Is that what I think it is? Is he going to ask me to marry him?' Brian thought shocked and nervous. Meanwhile Nick managed to find and stop AJ. "I'm sorry AJ, I wasn't thinking..."Nick said. He never wanted to ruin his friendship with him. "No, it's my mess...I made it. I know I can never have her back, but I just didn't expect one of you to date her." AJ said crying again. "I'm not dating her. We are just friends, it was just one of those moments...it probably meant nothing to her." Nick tried to cover. "But what about to you Nick, What did it mean to you?" AJ asked a bit angry with him. "I don't know...I didn't see it coming, but I do care for her deeply. But it's way too early to say for sure. I just know that if it will ruin our friendship, I'll never let it happen again." Nick told him. "No, it won't it'll take time, but I won't stand in your way. Just because I'm too shallow to do a long distance relationship, doesn't mean you are. If you want to try it, and think you can make her happy, go for it!" AJ said with more tears running down his face. "I'm sorry man." Nick hugged him...AJ meant what he said. He wouldn't stand in their way. He loved them both too much. ____________________________________________________________ "Is that what I think it is?" Brian asked. "Maybe, what do you think it is?" Tony asked. Smiling at him. "Listen babe, I love you with all my heart, and I always want to be with you...but, I'm not ready for marriage!" Brian blurted out. "That's a relief neither am I! Besides your divorce won't be final for a few more months!" Tony joked. Then he handed him the box. Brian opened it and looked to see a small gold ring. Inscribed on the ring was `Our love is forever'. Brian started crying. The ring was a beautiful gift! "Oh wow, thanks. I really like it." Brian told him. "I knew you would. It's a promise ring...it's to say that no matter what. I will love you for the rest of my life. And when we both are ready, I do plan on marrying you!" Tony said kissing him. "My but you are full of surprises. But I have one for you too." Brian said. _______________________________________________________________ Back at the hotel: "Emerald, listen I know it's over for us. So if you want to date Nick your welcome to do so. I won't try to get in the way of your happiness." AJ told Emerald. "Thanks AJ, but that's really my business. If I need a matchmaker I'll let you know." Emerald said walking away from AJ. "Emerald wait up, I need to talk to you." Nick said following after her. They both walked to her room, and set down to talk. "Listen Nick...I'm not mad that you kissed me; in fact it was great!" Emerald told him. "But I just am not ready for another relationship yet." She told him. "I know, it's bad timing...I'm sorry. It's just I had to do it. Your lips were just screaming out to me." Nick told her. "I know exactly what you mean!" Emerald agreed. "So what do we do?" Nick asked. "Nothing, I'm leaving tonight. We'll stay in touch over the tour, and if we are both available and interested. We'll try something then? Is that okay with you?" She asked. "Sounds great! It gives us both time to get to know each other better too. Even if it is over the phone or whatever." Nick told her. They were both happy with the idea. Would they be together though? ____________________________________ "What kind of surprise do you have for me?" Tony asked. "This." Brian said handing him a picture of a house. "What is this? It looks like a picture of my old house. The one that burned..." Tony stated fighting back the tears. It was his first house; he had lost it in a huge fire. He loved that house dearly. "No it's not. It's our new house. Made exactly like the old one." Brian told him. "But how? I never even told you about that house!" Tony said in shock. "Ah, but remember you were out of it for nearly 2 days when your Grandma died. Your mother and I talked quite a bit. She told me all about how much you loved the house, and never wanted to move out. And you were going to move back in someday, but it burned before you got the chance. So I thought that rebuilding it for us to live in would be perfect." Brian explained to him. "Wow! I can't believe it! You are just too much." Tony started hugging and kissing Brian with all his might. "I'm glad you like it." Brian said between kisses. Soon night came, and Brian and Tony drove the girls and Howie to the airport. They all said their good byes. "Good bye Tony, thanks for being my friend." Ruby said to him. "It was my pleasure, and thanks for being my sister. I hope you don't forget me over there in England. And make sure to email me everyday! When you get back to the states, first thing you do is find me!" Tony told her. "Of course! Love ya bro!" They hugged and Ruby walked over towards Howie. "Bye babe. I hope you know how much I love you, and I expect you to call me every day!" She told him. "I will, you know it!" Howie said and kissed her fully on the lips. "I'm going to miss you two most of all!" Emerald said giving Tony and Brian both big hugs. "We'll miss you too, just remember it can be scary out there on your own. So always remember to lean on each other when things get hard. And if it gets to much, you can always come home." Brian told her. After the girls had boarded and left, Tony spotted someone else he knew there at the airport. It was Blake getting ready to leave as well. "Where are you going?" Tony asked him. "I'm going back to Jacksonville to meet some new group, and at the first of the year I'll be going on tour with them. Another year, another band I suppose, but they will probably not be as great as you guys though." Blake said with a small sigh. "Well, just don't forget to have fun over the seasons too. And don't forget we are always here for you dear. I know things didn't work out like you wanted, but we are still friends." Tony said hugging him. "I know, just promise to take care of each other. I'll be fine, after all I've got a lot of years ahead of me! I'll find my happiness someday soon." Blake said returning the hug and then walking out of their lives. In the back of their minds they knew this was more than just the end of their tour, more than just a goodbye. It was the end of a huge chapter in all our their lives. And they didn't know it then, but it would be the last time the 10 of them would ever be all together. It truly was... The End Special notes/facts for the story so far: The Backstreet Boys were not on tour in real life the whole time this story was going on....so obviously the tour was not real! The Backstreet Boys have never gone to Nauvoo to my knowledge, and probably never will...:-( Tony was roughly based on me, Anthony is my middle name. :-) I however, don't have that good of a singing voice. :-( LOL! A lot of the stuff in the story is based on truth, but it has been altered to the point...it doesn't really matter! :-) Oh, Blake was based on an ex-boyfriend's looks, but the personality and actions were all made up. Cause the real guy is much nicer! I've had a couple of emails about AJ being gay (only rumors of course)...but I just thought he made a perfect boyfriend for Emerald... that I just had to make him straight! Emerald and Ruby are probably my favorite characters ever...they are completely made up, and I gave them both very distinct personalities. I think that I've done a good job keeping them in character too...at least I like to think so. :-) Nick Carter, if your reading this story...email me! LOL! But seriously, I'm sorry I didn't really use you as a character very well...But at least you had a good part in the last few chapters! Brian, you are and have always been my favorite Backstreet Boy, and I wish you luck with you're marriage and stuff...but if you ever wake up feeling the need for man loving... My email address is at the top of this story! LOL! Back to AJ one more time...sorry about making you break up with Emerald, but what was the chance that both you and Howie trying a long distance relationship? I know it's hard as hell! So reality had to hit one of you. George W. Bush will be our next President, but I don't like him! (sorry just had to say that!) Oh, and one last thought. Those that have joined my mailing list will be getting a special treat. They are going to get a bonus mini chapter, and Epilogue of sorts. And you guys can get it too...but sadly you'll have to wait a week! :-- Lots of love, Lee!