Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2000 13:06:12 PST
From: Callista Martin <callista_martin@hotmail.com>
Subject: Intimate Stranger 5

Intimate Stranger 5

By Diana

Author's Notes: Whew! This piece was hard work! Sorry for the delay, but it
took me DAYS to iron out the mess I made in this chapter! Due to lack of
actual facts, I've been forced to extrapolate hypothetical information from
standard situations. In other words, I have no idea how Justin Timberlake
really feels about his parents' divorce, and I definitely made up that bit
about Christmas Eve. But I hope it's credible nonetheless. And don't forget
to check out the prologue to my new story, "Bad Boys"! It focuses on a
different band, but I hope you'll all enjoy it anyway!


Justin stared at the mahogany door before him, brow furrowed in
thought. Less than twenty-four hours ago, he had crept out of this place,
out of his "home", afraid, ashamed and angry at what had been done to him.

And now he was right where he'd started. At the mouth of the lion's den.

But he didn't really have any other place to go. He wasn't ready to face
his family yet, and his friends... no, he had no friends. He wasn't in
N'Sync anymore, Britney had betrayed him... And then there was JC. His best
friend.  His hero.

The memory of last night's events evoked nothing but anger in Justin's
mind.  JC had duped him. That much had been obvious when Justin tried to
kiss him. In some ways, it was worse than a lie: JC had raised Justin's
hopes up, and then cruelly shot them apart.

At least Jack, with all his faults, was honest. At least when Jack said "I
love you", it meant just that.

And Jack DID love him. More than anyone in the world. Justin knew that,
despite the other night. It had been his own fault; only he could turn his
sweet, gentle lover into a monster. Jack had lost control because he'd been
insane with worry. If there was one thing Justin believed in, it was that
Jack would never, COULD never hurt him deliberately.

Justin reached out and turned the knob. The door was unlocked and
immediately swung open, as though it was welcoming him home.

This time there would be no return. This time, when Justin walked back into
Jack's life, it would be for better or worse, for richer or poorer.

And nothing would ever tear them apart again.

He stepped through the door without a shred of hesitation and called out:
"Jack! I'm home!"

No response was forthcoming. Justin frowned slightly. Jack had to be
home...  the door WAS unlocked, after all. The blonde shut the door behind
him and walked into the kitchen.

Jack was sitting at the table, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. A
plate with scrambled eggs sat in front of him, untouched.

And on the other side of the table, a plate of spaghetti and a bowl of
cereal.

Justin couldn't help grinning. Jack had known all along that he'd come
back.  He understood the power of their love. _Take that, JC._

"Good morning." Jack said, not even looking up from the paper. His voice
was flat, but not cold or hostile.

"Hey, hot stuff." The blonde walked over to Jack and sat in his lap,
kissing him on the nose.

"Justin..." Jack shifted uncomfortably, and Justin could see pain in the
older man's eyes. "Don't. Please?"

Justin caressed Jack's cheek gently. "It's okay, Jack. I understand
why... why you did what you did. You were worried about me."

Jack shook his head. "No. No more excuses, Justin. I lost control, and I
hurt you. Nothing can make that right."

Justin's hands lowered to Jack's chest. "We can just pretend it didn't
happen.  Who knows, maybe it really didn't."

"No!" Jack abruptly bolted up, forcing Justin to get to his feet. "I can't
play that stupid game, Justin! I can't act like the truth doesn't mean
anything!" Jack's lip quivered. "I love you. You know that. But I did it,
and nothing can change that."

"I can take it, Jack." Justin wasn't even aware that he was sticking his
chest out, as though to prove how tough he was.

"Yeah, you can take it." Jack shook his head sadly. "You can take the
beatings and the rape and everything else... until you can't anymore. And
then what?"  He lowered his gaze to the floor.

Justin's eyes widened. This was the last thing he'd expected. "Jack, I..."
He reached out to take his boyfriend's hand, but Jack drew away.

"Get out of here." the black-haired man pointed to the door. "I'm letting
you go."

Justin's frown suddenly deepened into a look of anger. "You're... LETTING
me?!" He grabbed Jack by the shirt and pulled him close. "Who the hell are
you to be LETTING me do anything?" Jack tried to avoid Justin's eyes, but
the younger teen grabbed his lover's chin, forcing those onyx orbs to look
at him.

"You listen to me, Matthews. You accepted me when no one else would. You
taught me the meaning of true love. And I'm NOT going to throw that away."
Jack opened his mouth to speak, but Justin cut him off. "We're not breaking
up, Jack. I'm going to help you. I'll save you, just like you saved me."

Before Jack could move, Justin kissed him once, briefly and
lightly. Without another word, he then turned around, walked into the
living room and flopped onto the couch.

Jack remained standing in the kitchen, surprise and confusion vying for
dominance in his heart. He knew that if he followed Justin to the living
room, he'd be welcomed. They could sit down, talk, watch TV... maybe even
make out a little.

It would be like that night had never occured. Like the rape had been a
nightmare, and now they were awake.

But Jack could never forget. Those memories were seared into his brain:
Justin's choked screams of pain, and how good it had felt to CAUSE those
screams. Jack shuddered as he remembered his boyfriend's cries, begging him
to stop.

And he hadn't. He had forced himself onto his lover, had blasphemized their
most sacred ritual. All because of his paranoid fear of losing Justin. All
because he knew he was incomplete without Justin.

A part of him understood that what he did to Justin didn't really
matter. The blonde had been abused in every possible way, and he was still
here. He would always come back, because as far as Justin Timberlake was
concerned, Jack was IT. The only one for him.

Jack shook his head. Justin would keep coming back, but for how long? How
long until enough was enough? How long until he'd walk out that door and
never come back?

Things couldn't stay like this. Justin deserved better, but he didn't WANT
better. He wanted Jack, so Jack had to be worthy of him. Starting today.

The 24-year-old headed for the bedroom and got his address book. Last year,
his friend Molly had given him the name and number of a psychologist up in
Montreal who worked wonders for people with temperment problems. He hadn't
felt that it was necessary, but promised to make an appointment. She
eventually realized he was only stalling, that he had no intention of
actually going, and stopped asking.

Now the time had finally come. Jack would go to Montreal. Justin could come
with him... but no, that wouldn't be right. Jack wanted it to be a
surprise.  He wanted to walk out of Justin's life and return a new man, the
RIGHT man.

Besides, it was too soon to leave Orlando. After Jack learned to control
his anger, he would take Justin away from all the bad memories this place
held.  And they'd start over.

And this time, they'd get it right.

* * *

"Montreal?" Justin repeated in disbelief.

Jack grinned as he stuffed the last of his shirts into his suitcase.
"Montreal. I can't tell you why. It's a surprise, I don't want to spoil
it."

Justin rubbed his eyes. He felt like his life was slowly unravelling,
spiralling out of control. In the past two weeks, he'd fallen in love and
lost his virginity to a man who was NOT JC. He'd been hit, put through a
window, raped... and the two people he trusted most had decieved him. His
life had always been in turmoil, but Justin had hoped that being with Jack
would make the rest of the world just fall into place.

But the fragments of reality were simply spinning around faster and faster,
smothering him. And it was getting harder to maintain any kind of grip on
his own life.

"So... how long will you be gone?" Justin asked, swallowing hard.

Jack paused, seeing how hard this was on the younger teen. Ducking forward,
he placed a soft kiss on Justin's lips. "It's only for a week. And I'll
call every day." Jack abruptly lowered himself to his knees, looking up
into Justin's eyes.

"I love you, Justin. More than anything. But I've done some really bad
things to you." He smiled softly. "When I get back, I'll make it up to
you. All of it. I swear."

Justin grabbed Jack tightly, not willing to let him go. Jack had been his
lifeline, the one thing he could ALWAYS rely on. And now he'd really be on
his own.

Finally, Jack broke away, brushing his hand against Justin's cheek. "You'll
be fine, Just. It's only for a week." Rising, he picked up his
suitcase. "I'll be back before you know it."

And then he was gone.

* * *

Justin was impossibly, mind-numbingly bored.

It was amazing. Jack had only left three hours ago, and already Justin was
ready to start clawing at the walls. There was nothing but brain-rotting
infomercials on TV, his throat hurt from singing and if he had to lie down
for another second, he'd put HIMSELF through another window. At this rate,
he'd be in the wacky factory long before Jack came home.

Going out at first seemed like a plausible option... but where to? Not the
mall or anyplace public; if he got recognized, he'd be mobbed, and he
wasn't in the mood to meet any fans. Maybe he could call someone, just to
talk...

A slight tremor of anger ran through him. No WAY. He wasn't going to call
JC or Britney or Chris. They were all the same. Lying, scheming, plotting
behind his back. He couldn't trust them anymore. He couldn't trust anyone.

A series of shrill beeps startled him out of his musings. Justin blinked
once, realizing his cellphone was ringing.

He frowned deeply. Had his thoughts of N'Sync and Britney triggered
something?  Was that one of them now, "just calling to say hi"? And maybe
proposition him at the same time?

The beeping continued. Justin ignored it, but after three minutes, he
finally lost his temper and grabbed the phone, turning it around.

The caller was listed as one Lynn Harliss.

Justin immediately felt his cheeks flame with guilt. His mother. He'd
wanted to visit her since N'Sync arrived in Orlando, but somehow he hadn't
even gotten around to calling her.

Without another second's delay, Justin turned the phone on. "Mom?"

"Hi, honey!" Lynn greeted pleasantly. "How are you?"

"Okay, I guess..." Justin stammered. He hadn't really expected her to
CALL...  "Is everything okay?"

There was a slight pause, and Justin could practically hear his mother's
next line before she said it. "Actually... I was wondering if you could do
me a favor?"

Justin smiled bitterly. God forbid she'd actually just want to check up on
him. Nope, not Lynn Harliss. She had two little kids on her hands, and
Justin?  Oh, Justin could take care of himself just fine.

"Sure." he replied, keeping his tone as neutral as he could. "What's up?"

"Well, Jonathon has a dentist's appointment in half an hour, and Steven
fell asleep. He's been a little feverish lately, I don't want to wake
him. Could you come over and keep an eye on him?"

"Why can't Paul do it?" For a moment, Justin was horrified at the apathy he
was feeling. He loved his mother, and on any other day, he would jump at a
chance to see his baby brother. But he was so tired, so hollow... like Jack
had taken all of Justin's emotions with him.

"He's out of town, remember?" Lynn sounded surprised that Justin didn't
know that. As though she'd bothered to tell him in the first place. But
Justin found that he didn't really care where his stepfather was. It just
didn't seem important.

"Whatever. I'm on my way." The teen swept his hand across the coffee table,
grabbing his keys with nerveless fingers. Without waiting to hear his
mother's response, Justin turned off the cellphone and rose, stretching for
a moment before putting his jacket on and leaving his apartment.

* * *

The Harliss home hadn't changed much in the months Justin had been
touring. As always, he felt more than a little bizarre at the thought of
this house being his and yet not his. He'd felt that way for a long time,
ever since Paul Harliss married his mother. Maybe it was because some part
of him refused to acknowledge that the Timberlake family had really been
destroyed by Lynn and Randall's divorce.

Justin's eyes glazed over as a particular memory came to mind: Twelve years
old. His father was gone. The fact had registered with astounding
swiftness, and the pain was almost unbearable. He'd called JC, and when the
older boy arrived, Justin had immediately fallen apart in his arms. He'd
buried his face in JC's chest, not wanting to face the world, not wanting
anyone to see him so weak and pathetic. He had been terrified of the
unknown, terrified that he would only be half a person without his father.

And JC had held him silently, letting Justin cry and scream and laugh from
the sheer madness of it all. And then his friend had looked down at him,
smiling, and said four words Justin would never forget.

_You'll always have me._

Christmas Eve two years later. Paul and Lynn somewhere else in the house,
Jonathon fast asleep. Justin and JC admiring the tree. Then the sudden urge
to look up, and lo and behold, a sprig of mistletoe hanging from the
ceiling.

JC had followed Justin's gaze upward, and upon spotting the greenery, he
giggled. "Mistletoe."

Justin immediately felt his cheeks flame. He was under the mistletoe with
JC.  But he was being stupid, of course; that was just a dumb tradit...

JC dove in before Justin realized it, pecking him ever-so-gently on the
lips.  Justin's knees almost gave out, and for a split-second, they stared
at each other, JC's goofy look giving way to a more serious expression. The
air was practically charged with electricity, and inwardly Justin was
whispering and screaming at the same time: Do it again, Josh, but
slower. Stronger. Put your arms around me, don't ever let me go. I love
you.

The older boy seemed entranced, captured in a moment he couldn't define.
Licking his lips, he had slowly moved his head down to meet Justin's mouth
once more...

"Justin! Joshua!" Lynn called from upstairs.

Just like that, things were as they had always been. JC backed off, grinned
widely and took off, Justin right behind him. All remained unspoken, the
Christmas tree their only witness.

They never talked about that night. Justin hadn't even thought about it in
years.

The blonde teen blinked, banishing the specters of the past. They were
meaningless now. The past was dead.

Composing himself, Justin walked up to the front door and knocked. After a
few seconds, there was a click from inside and the door swung open. No one
was there to greet him.

Puzzled, the teen walked into the house. "Mom? Jonathon?"

The door slammed shut behind him, and Justin whirled around just as Joey
Fatone grabbed him.

Justin roared an angry denial as Joey picked him up and slung him over his
shoulder like a sack of potatoes. The blonde squirmed around, fists
clenched, howling in indignation at being tricked yet again.

Joey's stride didn't falter despite Justin's wild kicking. He walked into
the kitchen and deposited Justin in a heap on the linoleum floor.

As Justin climbed to his feet and focused his eyes on the occupants of the
room, he went pale.

Three people were sitting at the kitchen table, staring at him with
unreadable expressions. To the right was his treacherous ex-"girlfriend"
Britney Spears, nervously rubbing her hands together. JC sat to the left,
eyes cast downward at the floor.

And between them, looking like she'd just recieved the shock of her life,
was Lynn Harliss.

Chris, Joey and Lance suddenly moved into view, blocking the
exits. Ensuring that Justin would have no escape.

Justin looked at the three, alternating between his mother, JC and Britney.
Finally, he said: "Let me guess. Steven doesn't really have a fever."

Lynn nodded. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. At last, she
managed to say: "He's... with Paul and Jonny. They went to... to the park."

Justin narrowed his eyes, glaring at JC murderously. "You sick freak." He
snarled through clenched teeth. "You lead me on, and then you call my
MOTHER?!"

JC opened his mouth to answer, but Justin threw a hand out. "Shut the fuck
up!  I don't want to hear any more lies!" He turned to his mother. "What
did this bastard tell you, Mom?"

"We told her everything, Justin." Britney said softly. "We want..."

"I don't CARE what you want!" Justin screamed, causing Britney to jump
slightly. "Answer me, Mom! What dit they tell you?!"

Lynn shivered slightly, but suddenly she was all business. "Sit down,
Justin."

"But..."

"I said sit down, Justin." Mrs. Harliss' tone was laced with steel, and
Justin found himself sitting opposite the three despite himself.

"Is it true?" she asked.

Justin was caught off-guard by the question. "Is what true? That I'm gay?
Yes."

Lynn narrowed her eyes. "Justin, honey, you KNOW that doesn't matter to me.
You're my son, and I love you regardless." She made a steeple with her
fingers. "Still... accepting you in a relationship with a man is one
thing."  Her tone grew deadly-serious. "But an abusive relationship..."

Justin leapt up, slamming his hand on the counter as he rounded on JC. "Who
the hell gave you permission to tell her?!"

"You don't think I have a right to know if my son is being beaten?!" Lynn
was horrified. She couldn't reconcile her sweet Justin with this calloused,
angry young man.

"Stay out of this, Mom. This is between JC and me." Justin glared at his
former best friend. "You mean nothing to me, Chasez. Do you understand
that?  You can't tell me how to live my life!"

JC suddenly rose. "Dammit, Just, don't you get it?! This isn't about YOUR
life anymore! This is about US!"

"Are you brain-dead?! There is no us!"

JC walked around the table, approaching Justin slowly. "That's not true,
and you know it."

Justin stepped back, keeping a distance from his friend. "What are you
talking about?" he asked, thoroughly confused.

JC stopped, staring at Justin from across the space between them. It was
like staring down the corridor of time, searching for that glimmer, that
forbidden possibility that had existed so long ago. Joshua Chasez and
Justin Timberlake, bodies and hearts entwined. For that fantasy, for that
hope, he would have done anything.

"Justin... I love you." he finally said. A more simple or real declaration
of love never existed.

But as expected, Justin was skeptical. He snorted and said: "You tried that
last night, Josh."

And he was correct, of course. JC had been given a chance that night, and
he'd fucked it up royally. What right did he have to ask for another?

But the truth had to count for SOMETHING.

"I'm not lying, Justin. I'm in love with you."

"I don't believe you." Justin spat defiantly. He would not be weak
again. Last night had hurt too much, and he didn't ever want to go through
that again. He loved JACK, because Jack was real, Jack was genuine, and JC
was nothing but a suffocating web of deception and manipulation.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you. And I wanted to tell you so many
times."  JC came closer, but Justin moved away warily. "But I was too
scared. I didn't want to lose you." He reached out, and Justin retreated
again, like touching JC would be some sort of unspeakable crime.

"Please... please believe me." the older teen pleaded quietly. Justin had
backed himself up against the sink and had nowhere else to go. "Look at me,
Justin."

Their eyes met. "I love you." JC said again.

The emotional impact of those three words could be compared to a baseball
bat swung at Justin's face. He could read his best friend like an open
book; they were still that close in spite of everything. Or maybe BECAUSE
of everything.  And JC's statement was true.

For a moment, Justin had a vision of himself and JC embracing, kissing,
making up for all the time they had lost. And they were happy, so
happy... it would be impossible to achieve such bliss on their own, or with
any other. Only together.

But the vision faded. It was just a dream. Jack was the reality, and
nothing could change that. Not even JC.

"It's too late." Justin said, more to himself than to JC. "I'm with Jack
now."

JC's face fell. Justin had never seen his best friend look so crushed in
his life. "So... what I feel doesn't matter? You'd... you'd rather be with
someone who hits you than be with me?"

Justin ran a hand through his hair. "It's not like that, Josh. It's just...
I..." He paused, trying to put into words the whirlwind of emotions he was
feeling. "When I'm with Jack, I never have to worry about anything. I was
scared and alone before I met him, and he made everything just be RIGHT. No
one else can do that."

"Let me try..."

Justin shook his head, heading for the door Lance was blocking. "No. I'm
sorry, Josh, but... no." He turned to the door, and that was when JC made
his move.

Unlike the previous night, there was no desperation, no frightened panic,
no burning need to make Justin stay. Only the calm knowledge that if he was
ever going to lay it all down, now was the time.

Taking three giant steps across the kitchen floor, JC caught Justin's
shoulder and spun him around. Before the startled blonde could react, JC
grabbed his friend by the back of his neck and pulled him in, pressing his
mouth to Justin's.

Justin's eyebrows shot up in stunned surprise as JC kissed him. He stood
rigidly for a few moments, not really understanding what was happening to
him.

But understanding came with absolute clarity: Joshua Chasez was kissing
him.  Justin's instincts took over, and he relaxed, sagging just a bit. His
arms came up, but rather than push JC away, they drew him closer. Justin
opened his mouth, and his tongue engaged JC's in a ferocious, passionate
duel.

The kitchen of the Harliss house ceased to exist; the two teens were lost
in the power of their desire. JC's arms lowered to Justin's waist and
lifted the younger teen up, setting him down on the kitchen table. They
clutched at each other, strained against each other, devoured each other in
their burning need.

Finally, inexorably, the kiss ended. Both teens were left gasping for air
as they rested their foreheads together, eyes closed and lips tingling. The
darkness faded; they weren't alone anymore. Lance had turned away subtly,
but Chris, Joey and Britney were watching them with rapt eyes. Lynn herself
seemed to be fighting embarrassment and relief: embarrassment at witnessing
such an intimate moment of her son's, relief that at least it was JC he was
sharing it with.

For a long moment, the kitchen was as silent as a tomb.

"Give me three days." JC whispered, his hands lightly caressing Justin's
face.  "If nothing happens between us, I'll let you go."

Justin's eyes opened hesitantly, like he was afraid of waking up in bed,
alone and more miserable than ever. But JC was there, holding him, waiting
for an answer.

He nodded slowly, and some small part of him swelled with happiness as JC's
eyes lit up with hope. It was official now. A long-dead dream had just been
given a second chance to come true.

Maybe this time they'd get it right.

* * *

Night had fallen, and Britney tiredly climbed up the stairs to the guest
room Lynn had prepared for her. On her way, she passed Justin's room. Her
curiosity got the better of her, and she stuck her head through the open
door.

Justin was on the phone, staring out the window with his back turned to
her.  "So you'll be in Montreal tomorrow? That's great. Me? Oh, I'm..." The
teen bit his lower lip. "Keeping busy. Yeah, the reciever just broke when I
picked it up... That old, huh? I'll buy a new one tomorrow. Just call the
cellphone, I'll keep it on." He paused, very clearly giving a lot of effort
to keep his lies convincing. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'll visit my Mom,
see how Steven's doing. It's been a while... Nah, I wouldn't worry about
them. They're probably gone by now."

To Britney's surprise, Justin's nervousness suddenly melted away, just like
that. He smiled. "I love you too, Jack. Good night." He lowered the phone
and tossed it onto his bed.

"Are you okay?" Britney asked before she could stop herself. Justin jumped
up and whirled around, but visibly calmed at the sight of her.

He smirked slightly, a bitter travesty of the old Justin's sunny
grins. "Aside from the fact that I'm probably crazy? Just fine."

Britney stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her. "I don't think
you're crazy, Justin."

"I'm sacrificing a great boyfriend for a pipe dream that'll just end up
disappointing me. What would you call that?"

The pop star shrugged. "I'd call it love."

Justin sighed sadly, sitting down on the bed. "Love. You know, Brit, I'm
starting to think I don't know what that is anymore. Everyone says my
relationship with Jack is wrong, but it feels so right to me..." He
shrugged helplessly. "And even my mom says JC is the man for me, but I
don't know if I still love him like that. So either everyone else is wrong,
or I'm the one with the problem.

Britney sat down next to Justin. "Well, I'm no expert, Just. But I can give
you some advice, if you want it." At Justin's nod, she continued. "First of
all, you definitely have feelings for JC. Platonic friends can't kiss the
way you two did." She stopped for a moment, letting that sink in before
moving on.

"Second of all, I don't think ANYONE really knows what love is. I guess we
all have to figure it out on our own. But just because you think you have
an answer, doesn't mean it's the RIGHT one." She put her hand on his thigh.
"That's why you should give JC a fair shot. Otherwise you'll never know
what could've been."

Justin looked down at the floor for a moment, lost in thought. Then,
catching Britney off-guard, Justin pulled her into a tight hug.

"Thank you." he whispered. "For everything. For being my friend even after
what I did to you..."

Britney smiled and hugged him back. "It's okay, Justin." She moved her head
back and kissed Justin on the cheek. "You can pay me back by following your
heart."

Justin nodded and rose, taking one last look at her before walking out the
door.

* * *

"Umm... Josh?" Justin called meekly, standing at the threshold of JC's
room.  JC was sitting up in bed, shirtless, leaning against the headboard
with a magazine in his lap. The sight of his best friend's smooth, muscular
torso sent a jolt of arousal through the young blonde.

"Hey, Curly." JC seemed surprised to see him there. The awkwardness was
tangible, and justifiable: They weren't just best friends, not
anymore. They had kissed. For better or worse, things would always be
different between them from now on.

"Can..." Justin began, but his breath caught in his throat. It hurt JC to
see his friend so subdued. "Can... Can I... I mean, would it be okay if..."

JC immediately shifted over to the right side of the bed with a small grin.
"Hop on in."

Keeping his gaze on the floor, Justin timidly climbed into the bed and slid
under the covers. JC's skin felt like acid; when he accidentally brushed
his hand against the older teen's leg, he jerked back, almost catapulting
himself off the mattress. It wasn't fair: he was finally in bed with the
man of his dreams, with The One, and all he could think about was Jack
Matthews and his promise.

_When I get back, I'll make it up to you. All of it._

Justin was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane, absolutely terrified. JC,
fighting tears himself, said: "It's all right, Just. We don't... we don't
have to DO anything."

"H-hold me, Josh." Justin whimpered. "P-please..."

JC slid an arm under his friend and rolled over on his side, laying his
other arm on Justin's chest. He could feel Justin's breathing start to
accelerate.

"Shh... don't be scared, Justin. Nothing's going to happen. I promise." JC
murmured.

Justin didn't cry. He shut his eyes tightly, as if trying to will the
universe to leave him alone, and snuggled closer to JC's body. A few
minutes later, the look of forced concentration faded, and Justin fell
asleep.

When JC was sure Justin was asleep, he finally stopped struggling and began
to cry. He didn't dare make a sound, but the flow of hot tears went
unabated.

This was all his fault. He was so goddamned ignorant. He, who had always
prided himself on knowing Justin inside and out, had been magnificently in
the dark about his best friend's feelings. They'd slept in the same house,
in the same BED for God's sake! And it had taken this crisis to wake JC up.

But that wasn't the only thing that hurt. Justin had changed so much. He
was distant, cold, defensive... all of his energy had been drained out of
him. And not overnight: even a vampire like Jack Matthews couldn't
accomplish that. No, this change had taken weeks, maybe months. And JC had
been completely unaware.  Until it was quite possibly too late.

If only he'd caught it sooner... if only he'd told Justin the truth back in
the MMC... if only he hadn't chickened out last night, or any of the nights
he had lived in the Harliss residence... if only, if only, if only. There
were so many ways this could have been avoided, and JC had missed them all.

"I'm sorry, Curly." he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

A determined look flashed across JC's features, and he wiped away his tears
with his free hand. This was it. No more lies, no more feelings hidden in
the dark. Tomorrow, he would undo Jack Matthews' work. He would bring the
old Justin back.

And then... and then he'd win back Justin's heart. They would have a happy
ending.

No matter what it took.

To be continued...