Date: Sat, 22 Dec 2001 09:36:49 +0000 From: Daniel M <jellybeanking@hotmail.com> Subject: JC Dreams 33 DISCLAIMER: This series is entirely fiction. It is by no means an inference into who Nsync is and any of the band members sexuality. If you are under the legal age to read this I now request you leave. If you are offended by M/M topics, I would ask that you remove yourself from reading this story as well. I am by no means affiliated with JIVE/ZOMBA Records. And can someone please tell me why I no longer bitch about having to do this part? AUTHOR'S WORDS: Howdy all. After posting the last chapter, I got quite a few flames about Sarah dying. That has always been on the cards for this series. It has to do with where I'm taking some of the characters. Also, I've had some murmurs in my ear about the way Butterscotch and JC aren't best friends, Tony and JC have problems and such things. I do apologise for them, but please realise, in life these things do happen. I'm trying to put a good dose of real life in here, not some "boy meets superstar, they fuck, fall in love, the end" type story. Life ain't that easy and I'm trying to show that in here. I can also tell you, if the flames don't stop... I will cease the series, I don't want to so flames to yourselves. Thanks. Also as a side note, well done and congratulations to all the authors who won in the BBSA. Keep up the good work guys! I also want to wish everyone a safe and happy holidays and hope that the new year treats you all well. Keep safe, take care and remember... the moon is made of green cheese. LOL... or not. Happy holidays all. Love SC. AUTHOR'S THANKS: I want to thank so many people now but I don't know where to start. Well to start, I should thank the Nifty Archivist who has allowed me to post this series on his site and has continued to let me. After Nifty, I want to thank the Lord for giving me the ability to write and the words that I put into each part of this series. Next I would like to thank my most devout reader, Jordan. My young friend, you are amazing. You have a sense of knowledge and street smarts that belies your age. Welcome to my family. Carsten, my friend, your support to this series and to me with all that has happened, words cannot say thank you enough. You are one in a million. Your way with words always manage to make me smile (to make me smile is rare at the momement, yet my friend... you still know how to) and make me realise when I've fucked up in the story some where. Without you, JC Dreams would be totally and utterly rooted at times. At times, when I feel I'm slipping within me, I know that I can write and just talk to you Carsten, you will never know what that means to me. You are one in a million and I can't think of what to say now to try and explain what's inside... some author huh. Tim, the net is a big place and it can also be a dangerous place. Keep in mind the lessons I have taught. Things can go wrong, but it is up to you to make them right. To anyone who has read and written in... thanks, your words of support are a blessing to me in disguise. You may not realise the impact but they are all amazing. Paul, my angel, my friend and my heart. I cannot begin to tell you all that I hide in my heart and all that I know eternally within. There is so much potential in all that I see with you. I can see the movie director, I can see the young man, I can see the caring lover. I now challenge you Paul, see what I do. Even if you don't become big and famous, you still make me proud of you for being you. I love you for it, and I miss you baby. To those who have read and not written in, thanks for just reading. AUTHOR RECOMMENDS: Jamie's Romance - (Boy Bands) - Staring Justin (Nsync) and Jamie (non-celeb) in a fantastic read. Well done to Jim in the unbelievable ways you write your story. I want to be able to write like you one day, as an author, you are a huge role model to me. Just Together - (Celebrity) - Michael (From Dawson's Creek) and Jonnah (tech crew) are written into an amazing story which pulls at all the heart strings. Without this series, I would be lost. Search and Rescue - (Boy Bands) - Nsync story with JC (duh) and Matt (non- celeb)... and the author's a slack bastard!! He's worse than I am at updating. LOL... now that says somnething. Leave us hanging why don't ya... write more. Ryan's Love - (Celebrity) - Ryan Phillipe and Seth Barnes... fiction character who writes for 'Felicity' ... it's an older series that was finished like last year sometime, but still a fucking good read. Go find it! FEEDBACK: jellybeanking@hotmail.com -- this email has a messenger attatched to it. I know this is a new email address, I have been added to a spam list by some delightful person... if I find out who, look out (joke). DEDICATION: This series is dedicated to Brendon Alexander James. 10 - January - 1980 to 20 - August - 2000. From his memory and support, a story born. Eternal rest grant unto him O'Lord and may perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen JC Dreams 33 by Sun Child Watching Tony as they got of the plane and wandered into the main terminal to collect their luggage, JC started to worry. Tony's expression was fixed to nothing and just seemed to be living on auto-pilot. Caleb came up behind them and touch JC on the shoulder. JC turned and smiled and hugged Caleb. "Hey man, I'm sorry about Sarah." Caleb hugged JC back. "No worries J. I'm just glad you could make it. How's Tony?" "Can we say space cadet?" JC said sadly. Tony looked at them. "I'm upset, not deaf and stupid. You don't have to talk about me like I'm not here or incappable of understanding." With that he collected his bags and headed for the door, leaving JC and Caleb watching after him. Shortly after, JC and Calebn joined Tony waiting outside. "You stayin' at your place?" Asked Caleb. JC looked at Tony and arched an eyebrow questioningly. "I am, Josh can stay wherever." Tony replied. "I think I'll stay with Tone thanks Caleb." Said JC. Caleb nodded and popped the trunk of his car as Tony and JC loaded their luggage in and then they drove in silence back to Tony's apartment. When the ride was over, Tony got out of the car wordlessly and collected his luggage and headed to the elevator, fishing his keys out of pockets. JC thanked Caleb and told him he would call later. Inside the elevator, JC looked at Tony. "Are you going to speak to anyone or treat us all with the silent treatment and cold contempt?" "Take your pick Josh." Tony said. "I would rather have my boyfriend back who I know is hurting. I want him back so I can help him through this. He always helps me when I'm down, my turn to return the favour." "I'm here Josh, I haven't gone. I'm just sorting things out in my head." "No you're not Tone, the Tony Scott I know would be telling me what's wrong and more than likely crying. You've barely shed a tear and your face hasn't changed since the hotel." "Yeah well, maybe it was time I grew up." "You were more mature and grown up before. It takes an adult to cry and ask for help." "Oh get fucked Josh, I don't need you preaching at me." Tony threw at him as he stormed out of the elevator. JC sighed and wondered what the wisest move would be next. Walking into the apartment, JC was a little shocked. Tony looked at him. "When I was here last I moved a few things and put others away." He said with a shrug. Nearly all the photos of Tony and JC had been taken off the walls or were lying face down on the counter. JC lifted up one and looked at it. Him and Tony siting on the couch talking. Sarah had taken it one night while she was visiting. Memories flooded back to JC. Sarah and the way she had introduced them, Sarah and the way she had known what was the right thing to do, Sarah and the way she was always the big sister to everyone. JC couldn't shake the terrible feeling of loss that clouded his thoughts. There was just something there that made him feel very alone at that moment. It dawned on him that Tony was probably feeling the same thing only worse, considering how long they had known each other and been friends. It would be hard for him. The memory of the first night he and Tony had met when Caleb introduced them. Caleb had introduced Tony to him as a friend of his and Sarah's 'since forever'. Looking around, JC realised that Tony had left the room. Wandering down to the bedroom, he found Tony sitting on the bed. Walking over, JC sat down next to him and kissed him lightly on the forehead. He then wrapped an arm around Tony's shoulder and pulled him close. He felt Tony resist lightly then give way and crumpled against JC. "I'm sorry there's not more I can do for you Tone." JC whispered. "I know Josh, I thought she'd outlive me. I thought Sarah would live forever. I never thought for even a second that she might die. Sarah's the strong, invincible one. Sarah's the dead one." Tony said, his voice starting to crack. "Sarah's still alive in our hearts and memories Tony. She'll always be around." With the thought in his mind, Tony lost his calm and expressionless exterior, the tears that he'd been holding back started to stream down over his cheeks. He made no sobbing sounds, and JC felt that the silent tears falling were more painful than ones than if they were aloud. Tony soon cried himself to sleep as JC slipped off his shoes and stretched him out on the bed. The prevading sadness that surrounded Tony slipped away quietly as he slept. JC looked at Tony lying there and saw only the angel lying there. Tony was, for now, free of his haunting demons. JC looked at Tony as he slept peacefully and let go of the breath he didn't realise he had been holding until now. Slipping off his own shoes, he climbed onto the bed beside Tony and kissed him lightly behind the ear. With Tony's back to him, JC cuddled up and started to spoon behind Tony. Softly he drifted off to sleep with Tony in his arms and a new day only hours away. When JC awoke Tony had managed to roll over in his arms and was looking at JC. "Morning baby." Whispered JC. "Morning Josh." Said Tony with a half smile and leant in to kiss JC. "Feeling any better today hun?" Asked JC. Tony nodded, "Yeah I am. You were right, I needed to cry." "Well, I can't be wrong all the time now can I?" Laughed JC. Tony joined in the laughing cuddled deeply into JC's arms. Tony eventually loosened himself from JC's hold and stood. "I need a shower, going to join me?" "Not today baby. I'm going to give Caleb a call and see how he's doin'." Tony nodded in agreeance with JC's plans and went to selected some clothes, then headed for the bathroom. JC got off the bed and reached for his cell phone and dialled Caleb's number. "Hey Caleb... He's doin' okay, what about you?... got any plans?... well, what's say Tony and I head over a bit later?... yep cool, we'll call before we come... no worries... take care Caleb... okay, bye." With that JC hung up. Standing up, he pulled off his clothes and headed for the bathroom after Tony. In the bathroom, Tony was enjoying his shower with the hot water cascading down over his body. He was so immersed in the shower that he didn't even hear JC step into the shower with him until JC wrapped his arms around Tony's waist and kissed him lightly on the back of the neck. Turning around in JC's arm, Tony looked at JC then leant forwards and kissed him passionately on the lips. "I love you Joshua Scott Chasez and I want you to make love to me." JC looked Tony dead in the eye. "Are you sure Tone? We don't have anything." "Josh, I love you and trust you. I get tested every six months and haven't been with anyone before you for four years." "Well, I've only been with Bobby before you and and before her... well it was a long time." Tony smiled slightly and reached for the soap. JC put his hand out on Tony's. "Tone, I love you, but I don't want to have sex." "Wha? Why not?" "Because Tony, this is just some simple way to keep your mind off your pains at the moment. You've got to face your pain, you can't keep running from it. It's an evil of life that is killing you slowly if you don't face it soon." "Josh, I want it because I love you." "I know you do Tony, but that's not why at the moment. We both know that." JC reasoned with Tony. "Josh..." Tony pleaded. Tony just shook his head. "No Tone." With that, JC let go of Tony and stepped out of the shower leaving Tony standing there alone. Wrapping himself in a towel, JC left the bathroom, his heart heavy and tears building in his eyes. After he had dressed, JC went into the lounge room where he called Caleb. "Hey... yeah when are you free?... okay, I'll try and bring Tony... can we meet somewhere like a coffee shop, your place will be a little too much for Tony at the moment... okay, see you then.... bye." JC hung up the phone and sat down. He heard the shower shut off and Tony walk into the bedroom and close the door. JC got up off the lounge and walked down and knocked on the door. Hearing no reply he turned the door handle and walked in to find Tony kneeling on the door holding a photo of him, Caleb and Sarah. It took JC a few seconds to realise that Tony was crying. It was the most broken Tony had ever let himself be seen. Tony looked up and saw JC standing there. "I miss her Josh." Was all he said. JC knelt down beside Tony and held him and kissed him on the forehead. "I know you do Tone. I've been talking to Caleb. Are you up to going to see him? We can go to a coffee shop. I've already arranged it if you want." Tony nodded sadly and stood up leaving JC still crouching on the ground. Sitting in the coffee shop, Caleb and Tony avoided eye contact and put forth little by way of conversation. By the end of half an hour, JC felt emotionally drained. "Oh for Christ's sake you two. Will you at least look each other in the eyes. You've been looking into your coffee's for the last thirty minutes. You've said nothing to each other really. It's like two teenagers on a blind date." Tony cracked a slight grin at the thought. "Yeah, only problem is Tony's titts aren't big enough." Caleb threw in. "What, you sayin' I'm flat chested?" Tony threw back. "No, you just don't have what I'm looking for in a woman." Grinned Caleb. "Well I prefer my men with more than light coloured pubic hairs." Shot back Tony. "Aren't I thankful for that one." "I'd worry about it getting stuck between my teeth if I went down on it." Laughed Tony. JC felt the mood start to lighten and smiled happily. Caleb and Tony, for the first time that day, looked each other in the eyes and smiled. JC opened his mouth to speak when his cell phone shrieked at him. Groaning, JC pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID. A puzzled look crossed his face as he answered it. "Speak it's JC... hey Curly... yeah we are... okay what time... I guess... okay, see you then... okay, laters." Said JC to the caller. "That was Justin, the guys are all getting in at three. They wanted to come to see how you two are and attend Sarah's service." JC said. "Where are they crashing? Lynn's outta town." Tony said. "Is she? I didn't realise." "Well, we can take Justin I guess, or one of the others." Suggested Tony. "I can take the other three, as long as one of them is happy to couch it." Said Caleb. JC and Tony looked at each other and nodded. "Thanks Cal." Said Tony. Caleb just smiled back. Arriving at the airport with fifteen minutes to spare, Tony, JC and Caleb walked into the main terminal. Talking to themselves, they didn't see the others until they were almost on top of them. Justin walked up and hugged Tony close then Caleb. "You two okay?" He asked them. Tony nodded and Caleb shrugged. "We could be worse." He said. Justin nodded and stepped back. The group them divided up with Justin going with Tony and JC, Lance, Chris and Joey all heading off with Caleb. They all agreed to meet at Tony and JC's later that night. Arriving at the apartment, as Tony emerged from the elevator, he was bowled over by a familiar, short blonde. "Brit, what are you doing here?" He asked. "Sarah was a wicked woman, I wanted to come and say goodbye. Pizza is on the table by the way, so hurry up, it's getting cold." Tony lay there in a daze. JC leant down to help him up. "Bet you regret giving her that front door key now don't you." He laughed quietly. Tony smiled back slightly and accepted JC's hand up. When the others all arrived later, they sat there, talking quietly, listening to soft melodies, floating out of the stereo. Caleb spoke up after a little time of thinking and not saying anything. "I was wondering if you could all do me a favour at Sarah's funeral?" The room turned to pay attention to what Caleb was about to ask. "I wondered if you could all do a piece at the service?" He asked. The group all looked at each other when Tony spoke up. "Sure Caleb. We'd love to." Caleb smiled thankfully and nodded. Tony went and got his guitar. The others looked at him. "We are not going to recycle some song we already have. Sarah was unique and new, so this song has to be as well. We write for her." The other agreed and set to work. Tony clicked on his tape recorder and started to pick a few cords and played them, creating a gently riff. Britney hummed a light melody. When Justin came out with a few lines. It's time for me to say goodbye It's killing me to let go I won't forget you as time goes by But the pain, it shall slow Chris and Joey seemed to be thinking on the same length as they both came in with gentle sounds and JC picked up to create the chorus Goodbye to you I've never had a harder thing to say But I think it's time to let go of you I will, though, think of you every day Caleb looked on amazed as the group worked with such ease putting it all together. Lance started to sing, his warm voice filling the room. While you watch me from above Please remember the good times Sacred as the white peace dove The happy, unforgettable times For you I will always watch Looking for some little sign A piece of you to catch That will say you're always mine Goodbye to you I've never had a harder thing to say But I think it's time to let go of you I will, though, think of you every day Tony started to play his cords louder, giving them a hint that it was time for just the guitar. Soon, his volume faded a little and the guys came in again. Goodbye to you I've never had a harder thing to say But I think it's time to let go of you I will, though, think of you every day I will now say goodbye No matter how much it hurts With memories of you to fly Remembering you, will ease the hurt Goodbye to you I've never had a harder thing to say But I think it's time to let go of you I will, though, think of you every day The guys quieted down and left Britney and her soft melody and Tony playing the guitar. Britney stopped her part and Tony finished with the guitar. Tony stopped the tape and looked at the group. Caleb spoke up first. "Please do that at the service." The tears built up in his eyes melted the guys hearts. They all nodded and for the first time since he had been there, Tony saw Caleb smile for real. The smile he knew and loved on his friend. A few days later, the guys all piled into Tony and Caleb's cars and drove to Sarah's service. As lost as the all felt, they had been rehearsing the song over and over till it as perfect. They had refined the lyrics, asigned them and given it a soulful sound. As the pallbearers approached to remove the coffin from the church, Tony started to play his guitar and the group of them started to sing what they had written and rehearsed for the day. The mourners all turned to look at them and were surprised to see Tony, Nsync and Britney Spears all there singing for Sarah. The mourners walked outside as the song finished. When they had finished, Tony wiped at tears that were in his eyes and JC put a steadying hand on his shoulder. Tony looked over his shoulder and patted his hand. Standing, he put his guitar in his case and walked outside. Waiting there were several people, one with a real pissed off look. "You people have no shame. Anything to sell a CD eh. Playing at funerals now." "Hold up, Sarah had been a friend of mine since way back when. She means more to me than anything. If I could give up my career and money and it would bring her back, I would do it. I would rather be destitute with friends like Sarah, then rich and have no true friends." Tony snarled at the guy. The guy backed off and retreated away. The others had stood back and let Tony battle that one, now they moved down and led him away. After having his snarl fit with the guy at the funeral, Tony felt drained. It had been a bad way to finish what already had him upset. The group all ended up and Tony and JC's as there was no way Tony was up to the burial. He was just as likely to dive in after Sarah. Then the wake, it would have been horrible. So many sad, morbid people mourning over her that it probably would have just sent Tony into another major pit of depression. It had taken all of JC's gusto to get him out of the last one, JC didn't know if he could do it again. The group were sitting around at the apartment, none of them knowing what to say. The service had been beautiful, well as beautiful as a funeral could be. Now they all sat there thinking of Sarah and Caleb. "Guys, what do you think if we could take Caleb on tour with us?" Tony asked. "What do you mean Tone?" Asked Justin. "I mean, we take him with us. He can hire a manager for the club and it'll get him outta here which is only going to remind him of Sarah." Tony said. Justin and JC looked at each other. "Are you asking for him, or are you asking so you have him close by?" Asked Joey. "Him. No, well, yes, I guess both." Tony admitted sighing. "Well, we could always use a assistant while on the road." JC said. "That and a comic relief, Juju's just not making the grade anymore." Lance threw in. Justin turned and poked his tongue at Lance. "Bite me albino boy." Lance leant forwards to bite Justin. "Foreplay in the bedroom." Tony said watching the pair, a smile on his face. Both Lance and Justin blushed bright red causing the other four to laugh. JC looked at Tony. "Is this what you really want?" He asked. Tony nodded his head. JC picked up the phone. "Hey, this is JC, can you put me through to Johnny please... thanks.... Johnny... hey how are you?... cool... how ever did you know?... well, we wanted to know if we could hire an assistant to help us get our asses into gear and stuff... yup we already have one if we can talk them into it... yep... okay thanks Johnny... okay, laters." Said JC as he hung up. "We gotta talk Caleb into it now." Said JC. The guys cheered them fell into thought. They were thinking when there was a knock at the door. Tony stood and walked over to open it. "Hey Caleb, come in." Tony said as he opened the door. Caleb walked inside and looked at Tony. "Tone, I've got another favour to ask." "Sure Caleb, what is it?" "Can I come with you on tour?" Caleb looked at Tony with sadness in his eyes. Tony burst out laughing causing Caleb's entire body to slump. "I know it was a shot in the dark, but that's extreme." "Caleb, we've already arranged for you to come and you've got a job with it." Caleb's head jerked up. "Huh?" "You'll be working as our assistant. We were trying to work out how to get you to come with us. That's why I laughed." Tony wrapped Caleb up in a hug and kissed him on the cheek. "It'll be good to have you there Caleb." Smiled Tony. Caleb hugged Tony back. "It'll be good to be there with you too Tone." They stopped hugging each other and walked into the lounge room. JC looked over. "Hey Caleb, we've got something to ask you." He started. "Don't worry Josh, he's coming. He came to ask if we'd mind if he came." Grinned Tony. Justin giggled while Chris and Joey rolled their eyes. Lance covered his mouth to stop from laughing while JC just shook his head smiling. "Leave it to you." He laughed. "So who'll he bunk with?" Asked Justin. JC and Tony looked at each other. "Butterscotch!" Caleb sighed with resigned fate. "Why do I get the cat?" "Because you like pussy." Said Chris grinning. Caleb just looked away and didn't answer. Britney reached over and slapped him. "Watch it you. As I recall so do you. Does that mean we can expect little Butterscotch and Chris' running around?" Tony groaned. "I'm never going to be able to look that cat in the eye again." He moaned playfully. A week later, all eight of the group flew out and onto LA for the next show. As they touched down, they were greated by screams of excited fans. They managed to make it as far as the limo when they heard someone cry out "Ohmigod... there's the Backstreet Boys over at the other gate!" The crowd seemed to run as one away from the limo. The door opened and Mark climbed on in. "How do you feel? Saved by the Backstreet Boys?" He grinned at them. "Ya big shit head." Said Tony, hitting his brother in the back of the head. "Of course." Mark grinned. "Mark, meet Ms Britney Spears. Britney, this idiot here is my brother Mark." Tony said doing the introductions. Mark smiled. "Nice to meet you Britney." "Likewise I'm sure." Said Britney quietly, smiling at Mark. Caleb looked between the two. "Oh give me a break, you're kidding aren't you?" Mark looked at Caleb and smiled. "What the fuck are you doing here? Where's Sarah?" Caleb grew a slightly pained look and Tony looked at him. "You don't listen to your answering machine do you, or read your mail for that matter." "No,not really. Why?" Tony leant over and spoke softly. "Sarah's dead you dipshit. You were meant to be at the funeral. I wrote to you and I called you. Pay attention in future idiot." Mark nodded feeling foolish. "I'm sorry Caleb. I should pay more attention. Sorry to hear about Sarah, she was cool." "It's cool Mark. You didn't know." "Yeah, I should have though. Now what do you mean 'you're kidding aren't you?'." "You and Britney... please. Like you two aren't trying hard not to be interested." Britney and Mark turned several shades of red. Tony looked at the pair of them and laughed. Half an hour later they pulled up outside the hotel and the nine leapt out and started to head towards the door when Justin looked down the street. "Oh shit, move, we've got rabids." Tony looked at JC. "Rabids?" "Pack of fans... pack of rabid dogs. Rabids." Tony looked down where Justin had. "Spot on description, let's move." With that the gang all bolted inside. After splitting into groups, they all went to stake out their rooms. JC and Tony were together, Justin and Caleb, Lance was bunked with Chris and Joey somehow managed to score a room to himself. Britney camped on the couch in Justin and Caleb's room and Mark crashed out onto the couch in JC and Tony's room. Once lugauge was delievered, they all gathered in JC and Tony's room to discuss where they were going to go for eats. After all was decided they headed out and climbed into the waiting limo and drove off. After they were seated in a quiet corner they started to talk. "So when do you guys have sound check?" asked Caleb. "Tomorrow at eleven. Then we have dance rehearsal and then sleep and relax time and go on stage about nine after Tony who goes on 8:30." Lance filled Caleb in on the details. Caleb nodded. "Tony," whispered JC in Tony's ear, "how does this 'gaydar' thing work?" "It means that you think or get a vibe that someone else is gay." Tony told him. "Then why am I getting a vibe off Caleb. I've never gotten it before, but I am now." "I think that you 'gaydar' is broke then hun." Giggled Tony. "Maybe, but I think it's bad that he's bunked in with Justin." "Why? If Caleb is, Justin could do far worse." "True, but what if it's all an experiment and Justin comes out hurting." "I don't know Josh. Here and now is not the time and place to discuss this don't ya think. Talk about it later." JC nodded and kissed Tony briefly on the forehead. Tony smiled and went back to eatting. He turned to Caleb, who was sitting on his other side, smiled at Justin sitting on the other side of Caleb, and said something quietly to Caleb. Caleb went slightly pale them giggled nervously. He whispered something back then resumed his eatting. Tony looked back at JC ashen white then down at his food and returned to eatting. By the time everyone else was done, Tony was only half finished his meal. Britney looked across the table. "Tone are you okay hun?" Tony jumped as though in a daze. "Ah, yeah I'm fine Brit. I guess I just zoned." Britney nodded but didn't believe him. Tony pushed his plate away, "Actually I'm not hungry. Anyways, I'm going to pay the bill. I'll be back." Tony pushed his chair back and started over to the counter. Britney was at his side as he walked over. "Spill you guts Tony. I know there's something wrong." "I was just thinking about something Brit. It's nothing much." "What were the results of your cancer test? You never did tell us." "Didn't I? Oh they came back negative, it was a false alarm." Britney nodded. "Now what else is wrong? It all hit after you spoke to Caleb. Want to share?" "Oh that, I just asked him a question I wasn't expecting the answer he gave me." "What that he's bi?" "No, what makes you say that?" "I've been watching him, he can't keep his eyes off Justin. He hasn't been able to since we said he could come on tour." "Really?" "Don't tell me Mr Observant hasn't noticed?" "I haven't. That or I have and haven't wanted to pay attention." Tony admitted. Britney nodded as Tony paid for the meal. They then waved the others over and walked outside. "Club night?" Asked Tony. Lance and Justin looked at Tony amazed. "What?" They asked. "Are we going to the clubs?" "Did we hear right or did Mr 'Rather-a-night-in-with-JC' just ask if we were going to the clubs?" Joey asked in disbelief. "Fine, if you're going to be that way." Tony said in annoyance and started to walk off while hailing a taxi. The others stood there in disbelief. When a cab pulled over, Tony opened the door and climbed in. He was about to shut the door when Justin climbed in next to him. Tony looked at him then spoke to the cabbie. "Best club around thanks mate." The cabbie nodded and took off. "Alright Tone, short fused... what's biting?" Justin asked. "Nothing, I just wanted to go out." "Really? Or is it because of something that Caleb said to you at dinner?" "What?" "He told me about it when you went to pay for the meal." "Oh." "Not what you were expecting to hear I take it." "No it wasn't. Juz, are you going to be okay sharing a room with him?" Tony asked. "I'll be fine, after Wade, I'm careful. Don't worry, I won't take advantage of him either." Justin smiled. Tony nodded and smiled back. After arriving at the club Tony and Justin wandered inside and sat down at the bar. After ordering their drinks, they turned and looked out at the dance floor. "Dance?" Asked Tony. Justin nodded as they finished their drinks. Walking out, they started to dance in time with the music. After a while they came off and sat down. "How long were we out there?" Asked Tony. "How long do you think?" Asked Justin. "I don't know, maybe an hour." "Try three and a half. It's almost two in the morning." Justin told him. Tony looked at him in disbelief. "We better go, the others are not going to be happy." "I know they aren't." Said Justin in agreeance. With that they stood and walked out of the club into the clear night. Arriving at the hotel Tony looked at Justin. "Thanks for coming with me tonight Juz. I think I needed someone." "You have JC though." Said Justin in confusement. "Yeah, I guess, but he ... I don't know. I can't finger it, but something's not right." Tony said sighing. Justin nodded. "You want to talk about it?" "Nah it's cool. We've got to sleep, we got a long day tomorrow." Tony said as they climbed into the elevator. "Well if you want to talk..." "Yeah, I'll come see you. Thanks Juz." Said Tony smiling. Justin smiled and gave Tony a hug and Tony turned and hugged Justin back. They held the hug and Tony looked at Justin and leant in as if to kiss Justin when the elevator stopped and doors opened. Tony jerked back to reality as did Justin. Justin looked at Tony. "What almost happened then?" "I think I almost did something that I should never do." Said Tony. "Gee thanks." Said Justin sticking his tongue at Tony. "That's not what I meant and you know it." "Yeah I do. What did it mean though? You almost kissed me Tony." "I don't know Juz. It's a boundary that I never thought I'd even walk near to be honest." "What are you saying? That you have feelings for me." "No. Well yes... but not those feelings. I don't know Juz, since Sarah died I don't know what my feelings are for anything. For all I know I have feelings like that for Chris." Justin looked at Tony in horror. "Chris? Please. That's just gross." "Understand now how I'm feeling?" Justin nodded his head. "Let's go up to the roof, we can talk up there." "Let me get Josh first. I need him there." Tony told Justin. "Why? Because you don't trust me?" Asked Justin, hurt wafting through his voice. "No Juz... it's because I don't trust me." With that, Tony stepped out of the elevator and walked down to his and JC's room. As he went to unlock the door, he could hear the sounds of the television inside. Walking in, he saw Mark lying on the floor still watching the television and JC asleep on the couch. "You broke him?" Tony asked his brother. "No. He fell asleep waiting for you." Mark threw back. "Where were you?" "I was out Mark. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to wake my boyfriend." With that, Tony stepped over Mark and nudged JC. JC stirred slightly in his sleep so Tony leant over and kissed him very softly on the lips. JC's eyes drifted open. "No fair, you know I can't sleep through when you kiss me." He said poking his tongue at Tony. "I know, that's why I did it. Now get up and pull on some clothes, we're going for a talk." "Why? What about?" JC asked. "We'll deal with that when we get up on the roof. Now come on, Justin is waiting." JC nodded and stood up and went and got dressed and then joined Tony minutes later and they went out and joined Justin, then headed for the roof. Sitting down on the roof, Tony pulled out his cigarettes. JC took the pack off him. "Tone, you don't need them. You didn't need them at the funeral or at all then, you don't need them now." "Josh, when do you think I bought them. I would just walk away for a smoke." Justin nodded. "He did JC, I saw him do it." JC sighed but didn't hand back the pack. "Is it that bad you need them?" Tony nodded. Sighing, JC handed them back to him. Tony took one and lit it. "Am I going to need one of those?" Asked JC. Tony shrugged, and almost inperceptively, Justin nodded. JC noticed and took one and lit it as well. "Well, what are we up here for?" Asked JC. "I don't know where to start Josh." Said Tony. "Well, from the begining?" Asked JC. "Okay, the start, that would be when I got the call about Sarah. My life was thrown into, for use of a better, turmoil. It felt like this major bitchslap across the face and I didn't know what to do about it. I coped the way I could. You saw what I was like, I'm grateful you were there because if you weren't, I don't know where I'd be. "Anyways, today, we got back here and you told me about your vibe from Caleb, then I asked him and he told me he was bi. It shook me. I thought I knew everything about Caleb, but I never knew he was bi. I didn't know what to do, that why I went to the clubs. Then we get back here and got in the elevator and I gave Justin a hug, and I don't know... I just had this weird feeling come over me. I felt a need that I used to only feel with you. I felt a need to kiss him. Right there and then. The elevator doors opened and stopped me, but if they hadn't, I think I would have kissed him." JC looked at Tony and could see Tony's hurt and confusion. He then looked at Justin who had no idea where to look. "Okay, did you actually kiss him?" Asked JC. "No I didn't." Tony told him. "Then where's the problem?" Asked JC. "The problem is that me, your boyfriend, your fiance, almost kissed your best friend." Tony said, stunned. "Yes, almost. That's the point and key word. Almost. You didn't." JC said putting his hand on Tony's. "At the moment Tone, your emotions are fucked. You don't know what to do. I'm surprised that you haven't dumped me or walked out on me. You had an over night change of moods back home. One night you were super depressed, the next morning you were happy as and wanting sex. You don't know where you are at the moment Tone." Tony looked at JC, tears in his eyes. "Then why are you still here if I'm so fucked up?" "Because of how I felt last time I thought I had lost you and because I love you Tony. More than anything." That was more than Tony could take as he fell forwards into JC's arms and wept. JC thought he had seen Tony cry when he finally broke down after Sarah's death, but now, JC really saw Tony cry. Cry like he never had before. For an hour, the three of them sat on the roof while Tony cried, letting his emotions fall out and trickle down his cheeks encased within wet, crystal tears. Justin sat back and looked at them and couldn't think of a more beautiful scene. One man, trusting his lover enough to break down into nothing and cry as though he were a new born in his lover's arms. Eventually Tony's sobs subsided and he looked up and kissed JC on the lips. It wasn't urgent, it wasn't hurried, it wasn't hot and passionate. It was slow, rich, warm and sensual. Justin sighed quietly as he watched them and yearned for someone to love. All three were snapped back to reality when someone cleared their voice behind them. Turning, they saw Caleb standing there. "Alright, how started the threesome and didn't invite me." Grinned Caleb. Tony shook his head at Caleb and smiled a little. "I did okay." Caleb looked at him. "Are you?" "Kinda... maybe... not really. I thought I knew you Cal, then I find out tonight you're bi? Have you even been with a guy?" "Yeah I have." "So all those months ago you lied and said if you wanted a gay experience, I would be the first you would call. Had you been with a guy then?" "Yes I had." "Caleb, why didn't you ever tell me? I thought we told each other everything." "Not everything Tony." "Caleb, you called me when you found your first pubic hair. You came to me when you had your first wet dream and asked me what it meant." "Things change Tone, people change, life changes." "Not like that they don't Caleb." "I've changed Tony, you wouldn't know, you would disappear for months at a time when you were working as a teacher. Now there's no chance of me seeing you. You wouldn't know Sarah was dead if I hadn't called. You never call to check on us." "I do Caleb. I do, I call whenever I can." "Once a month if we're lucky." "What's wrong with you Caleb? You've never been like this before." "I've been like this for years Tony. Like I said, times change and people change, I guess it's just you that doesn't." Turning around Caleb started to walk away. "Why did you come Caleb?" Called out Tony. Caleb stopped and turned to look at them. "Come where, up to the roof? Because I wanted to, I was coming up anyways." "No Caleb, why did you come on tour? If you hate me that much, why did you come on tour?" "Because, I wanted somewhere to tell you that wasn't my home and wasn't yours. I wanted neutral ground to tell you one thing." "What's that Caleb?" "That you can get fucked you ignorant pig." Tony looked down. It felt like he had been slapped. "Why are you being so cruel Caleb? Why do you hate me?" "That's just it isn't it Tony. The world is out to get you, it all revolves around you. No one has it as hard as you. That's what I hate. I hate that it's all centered around you. If I could, I'd turn back time to the day I met you and instead of helping you with your books, I would have let you go home and kill yourself." Tony stood and walked over to Caleb. "You really mean that?" Caleb looked him in the eye. "More than anything in the world." Tony turned, walked to the edge of the building and climbed up and looked at Caleb. JC and Justin sprang to their feet. "Well, come on the Caleb. You want to, push me. You wish I was dead, push me. It could all be over so easily. Come on push me over the edge. I can see it in your eyes that you want me dead. It's tempting isn't it. To kill me, it would make you feel better. It would erase all memories of Sarah wouldn't it. Nothing left of her to face." JC and Justin's head jerked sharply to look at Tony. Caleb looked at Tony with tears streaking his cheeks. "Fuck you Tone. Fuck you." "That's it in a nutshell isn't it Caleb." "I remind you of Sarah so you'll push me away. Sorry, I'm hanging around." With that Tony jumped down off the ledge and walked over to Caleb. "You're stuck with me for a while Bro. Now, I don't see the point in staying up here do you? You've proved you're hurting now you need to face it a bit better. Love ya Caleb, but I'm not going to die for you. Sorry." With that Tony patted Caleb on the shoulder and walked past him and into the hotel. As Tony walked away he didn't know if he had just said the right thing to Caleb. It had been a little harsh and probably just a little cutting as well. Still, these things are life. Life isn't always fair or kind. It's up to the individual what to make of it. It's up the individual how well they cope with it. Tony had dealt with what life had given him the best way he could. If he couldn't, well, there was little he could do about it. He knew JC and Justin would probably have something to say about it all. When he got back to his room, he opened the door and walked over to the bed and lay down. A short time later, JC walked in and sat down next to Tony. "How are you Tone?" "I don't know Josh. Kinda anxious by about what I said to Caleb." "Why?" "Because I don't know how it will affect our friendship if he takes it badly. I love him dearly, he's been basically family since we were only little. We used to do everything together." "I think he's already thrown you Tone. You heard why he came, you heard what he said." "Yeah I did. It doesn't make it any easier. What's he doing now?" "He's in his room packing. Justin's in there trying to calm him and talk to him." Tony started to climb up off the bed when JC took hold of his arm. "Tone, please don't go to him." Tony turned and looked at JC and saw the look in his eye and decided to just stay there with him. Lying back he looked at JC. "Only because you asked me my love." With that Tony leant over and kissed JC on the lips. With that he lay down beside JC and enveloped him in a warm embrace. Waking up, JC felt himself still curled up in Tony's embrace. Rolling over in his arms, he looked at Tony who lay there peacefully. He worried about how all of it was affecting Tony. Caleb had more or less thrown away his friendship with Tony, and it destroyed Tony. He would never admit it, but it had, it had rocked the basis of all Tony knew. His childhood friend was just dismissing him. It had to sting. Slipping out of Tony's arms, JC stood and walked out of the room and down towards Justin and Caleb's room. Knocking lightly, he heard a muffelled noise and turned to the door knob. The sight that greeted him shook his. On the bed lay Caleb naked with Justin on top of him. Caleb looked over Justin's shoulder and saw JC and just smiled. JC closed the door rapidly and walked away. Looking down the hall he saw Britney appearing and smiled and started to walk up towards JC. "Hey JC, is Justin up?" JC nodded and she reached for the door handle. JC put his hand on Britney's "You don't want to go in there." "Why not? I mean it's only Justin and Caleb... so unless they're... oh." Britney's face grew a hurt and pained expression. "Justin's having sex with Caleb isn't he." JC contemplated lying but decided against it and nodded his head. Britney nodded. "Ok. I can deal with that. How can Justin do that to Tony though?" "What do you mean?" "I was up on the roof when it all happened. I was sitting back out of the way and wondering what to do about Justin. I mean we're so on again, off again that it's confusing me. I just wish I knew where I stood with him, but I don't. Though I guess I do now though. Anyways, I heard what Caleb said to Tony. For Justin to be doing this, well, he can't think much of his friendship with Tony." Britney's expression grew angry. For the first time in a long time, JC saw Britney angry. "It says that he cares sweet fuck all about Tony." Britney reached for the door knob and yanked it open. "Justin Randall Timberlake, get off that slimeball now!" She commanded. Justin jumped a mile in the air and came at the same time. Caleb laughed as he realised what had happened. "Talk about simutaneous explosion." He laughed. "You shut up backstabbing ashhole." Britney told him scathingly. Justin turned and looked at her. "What's wrong Brit?" "You are. You're sleeping with someone who has just told Tony to go stick his friendship. Show's who you're loyal to Justin. You're loyal to yourself. I thought that you called Tony one of your best friends. Sure seems that way to. Hmmm... then again maybe not. You disgust me. Think with your head and heart for once, not your fucking dick." She told him and slammed the door afterwards. She stalked down to JC and Tony's room and walked on in, not waiting for JC. She plopped herself down next to Tony who had heard the shouting and was starting to stir. "Pass a ciggie." She told Tony. Tony's eyes sprang open and he was wide awake. "Talk." He told her reaching for his pack. "Your best friend just fucked the other one." "Josh and Justin..." He asked confused. "Justin and Caleb." She told him, still fuming. Tony's facial expression showed how deeply he was hurt. It passed quickly to expressionless. "Oh well, such is life." He handed Britney his pack and she reached for it then stopped. "No, I can't. Two of you smoking is enough. I don't need to. You have one and come out on the balcony with me, I'll passive." Britney said with despair premating the air around her voice. Tony could feel it and shivered and took one along with is lighter. Out on the balcony, Tony light his smoke and looked at Britney. "Brit, did you go into..." "The room? Yes, I saw JC leaving Justin and Caleb's room and was about to go in when he stopped me and I asked if they were having sex. He told me they were and I know what Caleb said to you before. I went in there and yelled at them, then I came down here." "Why were you on the roof?" Tony asked Britney. "I was trying to figure out what to do about Justin. I mean, one day he's all over me and so in love with me. The next day it's cold shoulder and he's looking at guys. I've done my best to put up with it, I've tried, God knows I've tried. I can't anymore though Tony, it's starting to hurt way too much. I just want to yell and scream and hurt somebody... badly. I want someone else to feel the pain I do because Justin sure as fuck doesn't." Britney said with great distaste in her voice. Tony nodded and put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug. Britney looked up at him with her hazel brown eyes and melted Tony's heart. "Why does Justin hate us so much?" She asked him. "Justin doesn't hate us. He just doesn't know who he loves either." Tony told her. "Why can't you prefer women?" Moaned Britney. "Because if I did, we would probably have never met." He smiled at her. Britney giggled and nodded. "Well, in that case, I'm glad you're gay." Tony smiled and hugged her again. When they went back into the room JC was sitting in a couch with Mark next to him, both of them glaring at Justin who sat in the couch opposite. Britney looked at Justin then at Tony, "Thanks for the talk Tone, I'll see you in the morning." She said and kissed him on the cheek. She then walked out of the room ignoring Justin. Tony looked at the three men on the couches. "Alright, what's happening?" He asked. "This shit head..." started JC. "Slept with Caleb, I already know." Tony finished. Justin looked at Tony. "Brit told you?" "Yes she did Justin, and let me tell you, you've just fucked up two of the best things, at least, that you had going for you." "Really?" Swallowed Justin. "What would they be?" "They would be your relationship with Britney and my friendship and trust. You can count them all goodbye." Tony told him calmly and evenly. "Tone... I though we were family." Justin tried to be calm, though his voice was anxious. "Yes, so did I. Only family does stab each other in the back." Tony said. "How did I do that?" "You fucked someone who had just wished I had killed myself all those years ago." "So, you fucked JC when you knew I had feelings for him." "I was and am in a relationship with Josh, Justin. You aren't in a relationship with Caleb so bite my fucking ass and get out." He told Justin with his temper building. Justin stood and looked defiantly at Tony. "You really want me to go?" Justin's defenses started to rise. "Yes I do. I want you out of this room now." Justin looked at him. "Go Justin, before I flatten you like I did Wade." Justin broke out a sweat as Tony took a step forward. "Fine, shows the depth of your friendship doesn't it Tone." "Get out now while you can still walk you little jerk-off." Tony told him quietly, calmly, dangerously. Justin turned on his heel and walked with his head in the air out of the room. JC and Mark sat their in silence. Tony turned and looked at them. "I just really fucked up didn't I?" JC shook his head. "I don't think so Tone. What he did was his choice and he would have known the consequences when you found out. He would have walked into it all with his eyes open." "I don't know Josh. I just can't help but feel I went about that the wrong way." "Maybe Tone, maybe." Tony walked over and sat down on JC's lap and buried his head in JC's shoulder who rubbed his head. For a moment he thought Tony may be about to cry but soon realised that Tony just needed to be held. They sat there holding each other for about half an hour then Tony stood and looked at JC. "Wanna join me in bed baby?" JC nodded. "Sounds good Tone. Night Mark." Said JC smiling at Mark. Mark nodded and waved good night. In the bed JC looked at Tony. "Are you ever going to forgive Justin?" "I don't know. Maybe one day when I get over the feeling of betrayal he's left with me." Tony said and kissed JC. "Good night Josh. I love you baby." "Night Tony. I love you too." --- There you go, all done for now. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Think it goes long enough? So how much trouble am I in over Tony, Justin and Caleb? It does all fit into the grand scheme of JC Dreams ... trust me. 1) Time to Say Goodbye - Mine... dedicated to Brendon (yes the same one who this series is dedicated to). Feedback -= JellyBeanKing@hotmail.com =- Peace to you all Hugs, kisses and jellybeans Love, SC.