Date: Sun, 05 May 2002 13:36:25 -0400
From: Writer Boy <writerboy69@hotmail.com>
Subject: jc's hitchhiker - part 94

Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:

1) If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or
you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You
shouldn't be here.

2) I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no
way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or
anything else.  This is a work of pure fiction.

Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I enjoy
constructive criticism, praise, and rational discussion. I do not enjoy
flames, and will not tolerate them.

Back to the story in progress.

***Jack***

I woke up in the middle of the night with Josh still wrapped around me. In
our sleep we had turned, so that we were front to front, both of us half
hard. Most of the rose petals had tumbled to the floor, and the sheets were
twisted around us, rubbing sensually across our bare skin each time one of
us moved. I wasn't sure what had woken me up, but Josh was still asleep,
mostly, mumbling into my neck. I tried listening to him, to figure out what
he might be dreaming about, but it sounded like song lyrics. I chuckled
softly, thinking that he must be at a concert somewhere in his head. His
body, twitching against me, seemed to support that, although he wasn't
dancing. Instead he would jump or shake a little every few seconds, and I
figured that must have been what had awakened me.

I looked down at Josh's face, barely visible in the soft light from
outside.  The candles had all gone out, burning down and then drowning
themselves in the bowls of water, but their heavy scent was still mixed in
with the flowers, hanging in the air. Josh's eyes darted behind his closed
lids, and his breath puffed out against my neck as he mumbled and muttered
his way through whatever lineup was playing in his head. His lips were soft
against me, and his body was comfortably warm. He shifted a little, muscles
pressing against mine, but not tensed. He was soft in repose, completely
relaxed, and I looked down his back, following the curve of his spine,
visible where the sheet had slid to our waists. Just a fraction of the
curved rise of his ass was visible, a little hint of crack, and one of his
legs was thrown over both of mine under the sheet.

He laughed in his sleep, startling me, and I smiled and kissed his
forehead.  Sighing, he nuzzled his head against my neck, his arm sliding up
my chest to my shoulder as he pulled himself more tightly against me. I ran
my hand over his back, kissing his eyelid, and I felt his lips move against
my neck, kissing a little. He wasn't fully up yet, but he was getting
there, and I started to pull away, not wanting to wake him. Josh clutched
me more tightly, gripping me with both hands now, and slid upward a little,
until his mouth was near mine. He began kissing my jaw, and I saw his eyes
drift lazily open as he pressed his mouth to mine, fully awake now. His
tongue pressed inside my mouth as he rolled partially on top of me, our
lips parting with a soft sucking sound before he returned his to mine.

I sighed against Josh, my hands sliding over his back as he rolled onto me,
pressing me down into the mattress. His skin was smooth beneath my fingers,
and I felt his back rising and falling with his breathing as he kissed his
way down my jaw to nuzzle at my neck again. He worried over the spot where
he had raised a hickey earlier, teasing it with his mouth, and I inhaled
sharply as I felt him suck lightly at it again. I'd have a bruise there for
days at this rate. His chest rested against mine, our breathing
synchronized so that he inhaled when I exhaled, our pecs rising and falling
in one smoothly continuous wave, not fighting each other. One of his hands
slid around to the back of my head, cupping it, turning my face toward him
for more kisses before turning it away, giving him access to my neck again,
and my hands kept playing over his back. His other hand drifted lower,
dancing over my abs, and then began to lightly caress my half hard cock,
which immediately began to stiffen.

I sighed again, my eyes closed, and felt his own cock stiffening against my
hip. I wanted to grab it, and give him some of the same slow pleasure he
was giving me, but it was trapped between our bodies. Instead my hands slid
down, over the dipped hollow of his lower back, and began to caress his
ass. Like everything else about him, Josh's ass was perfect, a firm,
rounded bubble butt with just enough give to make feeling it up fun. He
shifted against me, pressing his cock more firmly against my hip, and his
fingers, wrapped around my cock, stopped caressing it, tracing the veins
and ridges, and began to stroke lightly, slowly. Josh's mouth was still
buried under my jaw, kissing and sucking at my neck, his other hand turning
my head from side to side so that he could get to either one. His hand left
my head and began to slide around under the pillows, searching for those
condoms from earlier. He found one and pulled it out, mimicking my earlier
move of tearing it open with my mouth as his other hand continued to stroke
my hard cock.

I gasped as I felt him begin rolling the rubber down over me, surprised.

"Josh?" I whispered.

"Shhh," he breathed against my neck, still kissing lightly all around under
my chin and down to the hollow of my throat.

Josh shifted, sliding over me, and I lay still, knowing he liked to do this
at his own pace.  It wasn't exactly rare that I fucked Josh, but usually I
was the bottom in our relationship.  Every once in a while, when he felt
like going this way, I always let him take it slowly, since he wasn't as
used to it. He spit into his hand and began rubbing my cock with it, and I
wondered if maybe we should have picked up that lube off of the floor after
all. His tanned legs came down on either side of me, and I felt my cockhead
pressing against him.  He squeezed his eyes closed, sliding down a little,
and we both gasped as I popped inside through his tight ring.

"You ok, baby?" I whispered, running my fingertips up and down his back
soothingly.  He was so tight, and I had to steel myself to keep from
bucking my hips up.

"Yeah," he whispered.

He planted his hands squarely on my pecs, a palm over each nipple, and
began to very slowly sit up. As he did he lowered himself down onto me, a
little at a time, and I kept running my hands over him, kissing whatever
part of him happened to be over my mouth.  Finally he reached the end,
lowering himself all the way down, and he sat there, motionless, his body
tense, his head tossed back and his eyes closed. My hands drifted down his
firm chest to play with his nipples, and he smiled, rolling his head
forward to stare down at me. When his eyes found mine, glistening in the
dark, he very slowly began to raise himself, and I dropped my hands down to
rest them on the tops of his thighs, feeling the muscles flex sinuously,
trained from years of dancing to top physical form.

Josh was beautiful as he sat above me, all of his muscles melded seamlessly
together, flawlessly. From the mop of brown and gold hair down to his blue
eyes, from his toned calves up to his firmly jutting cock with its full,
low hanging balls and their lacy covering of hair, Josh was beautiful. It
was more than just his body, though, more than his dark tan or chewable
brown nipples. Josh seemed to glow from within, the shining force of his
personality. It could be easily overshadowed by the others if you weren't
looking for it, could be lost in Chris's frenetically twitching enthusiasm
or Justin's subtle and not so subtle manipulation of the spotlight, but
Josh was lit with a strength and grace and overall joy for life that
couldn't help but burst out of him, and infect everyone he touched. And he
loved me, which never ceased to amaze me. He could have anyone he wanted,
and out of all the world he wanted me.

Now that he had relaxed a little Josh began to pick up the pace, riding me
a little harder, letting out a little soft yelp each time he lowered
himself and I stabbed inside of him. My own hips had begun to move now,
involuntarily, and Josh had dropped his hands down to cover mine as they
sat on his thighs, lacing his fingers through my own. His hands, like the
rest of him, were strong, but gentle, and our hands clenched together each
time I thrust into him. He stared down at me, smiling, his eyes squeezing a
little each time, but not closing, and little waves of pleasure cascaded
over his face. I was sighing as he clenched around me, feeling my whole
body focus on the intense pleasure rolling up from my cock, finding myself
getting more and more turned on as I watched Josh starting to sweat above
me. I unlocked my hands from his and began to play them up and down his
chest, feeling the light sheen of moisture, twirling my fingertips around
the edges of his nipples. Josh curled his fingers, scratching them up and
down my chest, and I sighed with pleasure at the added sensations.

Josh began to ride me faster now, a little harder, and I brought my hands
down from his chest to wrap them both around his cock. It was sticking out
from his body, hard and throbbing, and he groaned loudly, his voice
cracking in a high pitched sigh as I touched him. I began to roll one hand
around and around his spongy, firm brownish cockhead, squeezing it a little
and caressing it, smearing around the salty leaking precum that was rolling
in thick, glistening droplets out of his slit while I slid the other up and
down his steely hard, silken pole. Josh's mouth hung open, and he tore his
eyes away from my face to look down, and watch my hands work at him. He
began to pant louder now, the high pitched little yelping exhales that
always told me he was close, and began to dance on top of me even faster,
rolling his hips, his thighs clenching beautifully as they clenched and
lowered. His hands, still on my chest, were gripping at me now, the
fingertips digging in a little as he used me for traction.

"Jack, Jack, Jack," he panted, over and over, my name mixed in with
whimpering groans and whines.

"I love you, Josh," I said, and his head snapped up, his eyes searching for
mine. His blue eyes locked onto my green ones, and I felt myself falling
into them, lost in the sapphire pools. "I love you."

Josh's whole body locked, pecs flexed, abs rigid, and he let out a loud
yelp that was almost a scream as whitish streamers of hot cum splattered
out of his cock, spraying all over me in glistening ropes. Seeing him like
that, feeling his ass clamp down, vise-like, on my cock, I was pushed over
the edge as well, and my hips jerked up, almost throwing him off as I felt
myself shoot, and then shoot again. My hand closed tightly around his cock
as I spasmed, squeezing another spurt out, and then he dropped down,
collapsing on top of me in a sweaty pile of limbs. I felt his breath
against my neck, and then his hands slid up, grabbing my head roughly. He
turned my face toward his and jammed his tongue into my mouth, kissing me
with such force it felt as if he was trying to consume me.  When he finally
pulled back I looked up into his blue eyes and smiled.

"Was it good?" he asked, kissing my cheek next to my mouth.

"Always," I answered, feeling him start to slide off of me. I reached over
for the tissues, but he pulled the box out of my hands.

"Let me," he whispered, dropping down. He pulled the condom off, wadded it
up in a tissue, and threw it onto the floor in the general direction of the
last one. Dropping down, he began to lap at my cock, swiping off the cum
with his wide tongue.

"Oh, God, Josh," I panted, pressing my head into the pillow, my back
arching as my fingers clutched the sheets tightly.

I was always sensitive after I shot, and his tongue felt both softly smooth
and sandpaper rough as it washed over me. Climbing up my cock, giving the
head a few extra licks for good measure as he cleaned me, Josh began to
slide up my torso. His tongue followed the lines of his cum, cleaning up
his sticky seed as he worked his way over my abs and then back up my
chest. Finally he was laying on top of me again, and when he brought his
mouth down to mine I greedily snaked my tongue over and around his,
savoring the shared taste of both of us as we moaned into each
other. Finally he pulled back, kissing me again, and lay down beside me,
facing me.

"I love you, Jack," he whispered, staring at me as his hand drifted up to
caress the side of my face. "Forever."

"I love you, too, Josh," I answered. "Forever. And then some."

We drifted back to sleep, cradling each other, our noses brushing against
each other as our heads shared the same pillow. I felt warm, safe, and
loved as I lay there, Josh's hand resting on my face and mine resting
against his side, and the last thing I heard before I drifted off was him
sighing contentedly, his warm breath tickling my face.  Josh's sleep was
probably peaceful, but I woke up later covered in sweat, stifling a
scream. Josh had drifted over to the other side of the bed, one of his arms
thrown toward me across the mattress, and I sat up, holding my face in my
hands, trying to collect myself and slow my breathing down. I looked over
at Josh, seeing his face turned toward me, and watched his eyebrows furrow
together in his sleep, a wave of worry crossing his features. He mumbled
something in his sleep, and I wondered if he could sense that I was
awake. The two of us were so in tune sometimes it was scary.

Sliding carefully out of bed, feeling sticky from the sweat, I padded into
the bathroom, noticing that the sun was up. I thought about taking a
shower, but glanced at the clock, and realized I had time for a bath in the
huge whirlpool tub. I didn't plan to play with any of the extra settings,
just filling the tub up with steaming water, but it did have these really
nice headrests, and I settled onto one, folding a wet washcloth over my
eyes. My heart was still fluttering a little, but I was mostly calmed down,
and I lay in the tub, almost completely submerged, drifting and trying to
put the nightmare out of my mind. I hadn't had one in a couple of days, and
had actually started to entertain the thought that they might be going
away, but this morning proved that wasn't the case.

I heard a light splash and felt the water shift a little. Lifting the
washcloth, I saw Josh sitting on the side of the tub, watching me. Bubbling
foam began to fill the end of the tub, and I realized he had thrown a bath
ball of some kind in there with me. He looked at me carefully, concerned,
and stroked the side of my face with the back of his fingers.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"There's room for two," I said, sliding over a little.

Josh slid into the tub, reaching over to flick on the whirlpool controls,
and suddenly there was foam everywhere. It was lightly scented, and kind of
soft, and I tried to remember the last time I had a bubble bath. Josh took
the washcloth from my hand and turned me, pulling my back against his front
as his legs slid up on either side of me.  He began to gently run the
washcloth in circles over my back, running it up and down my shoulders and
down my spine. I raised my knees, folded my arms on top of them, and rested
my head on them.

"I woke up, and you weren't in the bed," he said quietly. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, closing my eyes.

"No, you're not," Josh said, seeing right through me. He wasn't angry, just
concerned.  "Nightmare?"

I nodded, sighing.

"Tell me about it, please," Josh said, setting the washcloth aside
somewhere. His hands came down on either side of my neck and began to knead
my traps, gently but firmly. "I want to help."

"I know," I sighed, feeling some of the tension dropping out of my
shoulders. "It wasn't anything new or different, you know, just more of the
usual. I was in the basement again, and I was trying to get out. I got the
faceplate off, and put my necklace back on, and I was pulling the hinges
out of the door. And when I got them out, I started moving the door, and it
fell on me."

My voice was so quiet I was surprised Josh could hear it over the swirling
of the tub. He kept massaging my neck and my shoulders, waiting patiently
as I let everything out. I always tried to treat this lightly, trying to
pretend like these were just average little dreams. I mean, really, on the
surface they didn't sound particularly horrifying. I got chased by a fat
guy. A door fell on me. I found my husband upstairs having sex with his
best friend. When I was asleep, though, when I was locked inside of them, I
was there. I was back in the basement, and it was all real, stripped of the
haze of memory, reduced to the bare urgency I had lived through. No matter
how lightly I tried to treat them, though, or how hard I tried to downplay
them, Josh always saw the seriousness beneath, and tried to help. He
sighed, kissing the back of my neck, his hands kneading at my shoulders as
he waited, offering his silent support.

"The door fell on me," I repeated, feeling my closed eyes sting. "I
couldn't lift it up, I was too weak, and I was underneath it. I couldn't
get out from underneath, and he came down the stairs, and he saw it, and he
started walking on it. I couldn't get out, and he started walking on the
door, and it was crushing me. It was pushing down on me, and my ribs
cracked, and I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't get out from under it, and
he was laughing, Josh. He was laughing."

"It's ok," Josh sighed, leaning forward. He wrapped his arms around me, his
head on my shoulder, and gently pulled be back against him. I didn't move,
still locked into a tight little ball, and I felt his mouth on the side of
my face, kissing one of my tears. "It's ok, baby. Why didn't you wake me?"

"I don't know," I answered. "You looked so peaceful, and I wanted to let
you sleep. I'm tired of waking you up for this, Josh. I'm tired of waking
up for this. I just wish they would stop. I mean, some nights I don't even
want to go to sleep, because I'm afraid of what might happen, what I might
see. And it doesn't matter that I know they're dreams, because I only know
that when I'm awake."

Josh had stopped pulling on me, wrapping himself around me. His arms and
chest and legs were all cradling me, enveloping me in his soothing
presence, and the scent from the bath was comforting as well, mixed with
the feeling of the warm water swirling around us. When I was with Josh it
was like being in our own little world, wrapped in each other, but it never
seemed to last. We lived for these moments together, and cherished them.

"Jack, you have to remember what your counselor said," Josh sighed, his
cheek against mine as his chin rested on my shoulder. Both of our eyes were
closed.  "They'll get less and less, and someday they'll be gone. And until
they are, you'll always be with me, and you'll always be safe. I won't let
anything else happen to you, Jack. I won't fail you again, not ever."

I sighed, wishing we weren't having this discussion again. Josh had
mentioned this only a few times since the night we took Justin to the
hospital, but each time his face had clouded, some of his light dimming,
and I knew that if I turned now he would look exactly the same way. It
didn't matter how many times I told him there was nothing else he could
have done, that he did all he could and that none of it was his fault. He
struggled with it, though, this feeling of failure, and doubt, and I was
worried about him. Josh had never failed at anything, and I was worried
that this would start to consume him, that he would embrace his perceived
failure with the same intensity he turned toward everything else. I
wondered if I should send him to therapy, our apparent catch all answer to
everything, or if we should work it out together. Until it went away, or we
got through it, I thought the best thing I could do was to make sure he
knew how important he was to me, and how I didn't hold anything against
him.

"Josh, you've never failed me," I sighed. "You couldn't stop what happened,
and you've been here for me ever since, Josh. Every time I reach out,
you're always here, and that's what I need, Josh."

"But Jack, I can't help you like you need," he sighed against me. "When
you're there, in that place, I can't help you, and that kills me."

"I know, but Josh, I don't want you in that place," I said, and felt him
tense up a little.  "You know what happened to me there. I've told you, and
you know what it was like."

"But that's not the same," Josh sighed. "I can tell you I understand, but I
can't ever really know what it was like for you, and I feel like I can't
help you enough because I don't know that. I've never been in danger like
that, Jack. I've never been afraid that I might die, and I can only imagine
what it's really like for you to live that over and over, Jack, but I'll
never know."

"I don't want you to ever know that, Josh," I said, holding his arms as he
kept them wrapped around me. "I love you. I don't want you to be hurt, or
to suffer, not ever, Josh.  What happened to me is something I never want
to have happen to you, Josh. I love you too much to think about you being
hurt, for any reason."

He sighed again, and I pulled his arms off of me, turning around in the
water. I took his face in my hands.

"Josh, I heard what you said to my mother," I said. "You know that. And
what you said then, and just now, about not being able to do enough to help
me, is so wrong. I don't know how I can explain that to you, Josh, or how
else I can show you. You mean everything to me. Everything. It rips my
heart out to hear you think you could ever fail me, Josh. Just knowing that
I have you gives me so much strength, makes me so brave, and I don't want
you to ever think it's not important, or it's not enough."

"Jack, you don't need me to be brave," he said, smiling at me. "You're
brave all by yourself."

"But I'm not by myself anymore," I said, leaning forward to drop a quick
kiss onto his mouth. "And see? I feel better already. I love you so much,
Josh."

"I love you, too," he answered, the way he always did. He hugged me tightly
to him, only our upper bodies touching as our legs tangled with each other
under the bubbles. Josh kissed me on the forehead and reached back,
grabbing the sides of the tub.  He hoisted himself up out of the tub, water
coursing down his body in streams, over his abs, down his chest, off of his
half hard cock. "Sit tight. I have this idea."

"I have this idea, too," I grinned, staring up at him as I drifted back and
set my head on one of the headrests. Josh smiled back as he blotted himself
with a towel and then trotted naked out of the bathroom, his ass jiggling.

"Not that idea," he called from the main room. I heard clinking and then he
reappeared with the champagne flutes and the bottle from last night. "We
didn't drink any of this, and we have two hours before we meet the guys for
brunch. After that, we have a wrap up with Lisann, and then we fly out. I
want us to have some quiet time before all that."

"Haven't you had enough quiet time?" I asked, grinning lecherously,
emphasizing the words "quiet time" as Josh used a hand towel to cover the
cork. He popped open the bottle, finally, and laughed as he poured the
champagne into the flutes.  Carrying them carefully, he slid back into the
tub, amazingly not losing his footing, and he sank back down, resting his
head on the other headrest.

"Come over here," he said, holding out my flute as he set his on the side
of the tub. He had left the bottle over there, too, where we could grab it
again for refills. I slid carefully through the water, and Josh guided me
with his free hand until I was resting against him, my back to his front,
my head on his shoulder. He chuckled softly and reached around to clink his
glass against mine. "Cheers."

"Cheers," I answered. "Here's to being married."

"I'll drink to that," Josh said, sipping his. "You know, a lot of people
said that once we got married, that would be it for the romance."

"Really?" I asked, sipping my champagne as well. I wasn't a big fan of
champagne, but I knew expensive when I tasted it, and was afraid to look at
the bottle. "It certainly didn't feel like romance was dead last night,
neither time."

Josh laughed against me, his chest shaking against my back as I laughed
along with him.

"I didn't say it," Josh said, his free hand sliding up under my arm to rest
on my shoulder.  "I was just repeating what I heard."

"I think that's only true for straight people," I said, feeling his nose
nuzzle my cheek.  "We better warn Chris not to propose to Vlada after
all. So, Josh, if the romance is dead, where are we going from here?"

Josh sighed, and I wondered what was wrong. Josh and I knew each other so
well that I could tell from just that one exhale that the mood was about to
shift, and that he was feeling nervous in some way about whatever he was
about to tell. I slid my free hand up over the one he had on my chest,
letting him know I was here, and that whatever it was would be ok.

"I wanted to talk to you about that, actually," Josh said carefully. "I
know that I've been keeping the honeymoon kind of secret, and I want to
talk to you about it, because some of it is up to you. I have the first
part planned, and I know you're going to love it, but I have an idea for
the second half, and I wanted to ask you, because I don't want to do it if
you don't want to. It's just something that I know you've been trying not
to think about, and I want you and I to do it together, if that's what you
want."

His voice was a little urgent, and I turned my head, kissing his cheek.

"Josh, calm down," I said. "I'm not sure why you're so nervous, but please,
go ahead and just say it, ok? Whatever your idea is, I want to hear it, and
then we can talk about it, ok?"

"I just, you know, it might upset you," Josh said, and I realized he was
worried about hurting me.

"Josh, even if it does upset me, I know you don't want to do that, and
don't mean it in a bad way," I said. "Please, off with the kid
gloves. What's your idea?"

"I was thinking that we might, um," Josh began, and swallowed. He collected
himself for a moment, and started again. "I was thinking that since we'll
have this time when we're together, and it's just you and me, that maybe
this would be a good time, if you want to, to, um, I thought maybe we might
look at the envelope from your mother."

I swallowed, thinking, not sure what to say. Josh interpreted my silence as
some sort of disapproval, and continued babbling.

"I know that it's private, and that's why I didn't want to push you to open
it," he began.  "But you did say that you were going to look at it someday,
and I don't want you to do that alone. At the same time, though, I don't
want to put myself into that if you don't want me there, because it's
personal."

"Slow down, Josh, please," I said calmly, wanting him to see that I wasn't
angry. "Josh, it's personal, yes, but my personal life is yours. We don't
keep things from each other."

"If we don't keep things from each other, then what are you thinking?" Josh
asked.  "You're so quiet, and it's scaring me a little. If this is the
wrong time for this, please, please just say so, and we'll forget I
mentioned it."

"No, Josh," I said, squeezing his hand. I grabbed the bottle and topped us
both off. "I'm not mad. You just surprised me a little, that's all. I guess
I'm just curious. I mean, yeah, I do want to look at that someday, but can
I ask why now? It's not exactly a matter of romance. Well, it could have
been, since they got a baby out of it, but you know what I mean."

"Well, um, I have a theme for our honeymoon," Josh said, smiling. I
chuckled, not at all surprised that he would make everything part of some
elaborate matching vision. It was just so Josh. "For the first part, I'm
going to take you to Maryland. I'm going to show you where I grew up, so
you can see where I went to school, and where we used to live, and all the
rest. You took me home, and it brought us so much closer, and I want you to
see where I'm from, too."

"Josh, that's so sweet," I said, blushing a little for some reason.

"Thanks," he said, kissing my cheek. "I was hoping you'd like it, but
that's only the first part. While we're down there, I thought we might just
do some fun stuff, too, like run around Baltimore for a day, and go to DC
and maybe see some museums and stuff like that, and just have some quiet
time together. What? What are you laughing at?"

"I'm sorry," I said, wiping at my eyes. "We're geeks, Josh. You're like,
'Let's go to a museum for our honeymoon,' and I'm laughing because I really
want to do it.  We really do belong together."

"Thanks," Josh said, nuzzling my neck. "I figured you'd like it. After DC,
though, that's where we have an empty spot, and I thought maybe, since we
were looking at where I came from, it would be a good time to look at where
you did. We don't have to, if you don't want to, or you're not ready, but I
thought I'd make the offer now. I know you've been focusing on the wedding
a lot, but now that it's over, I don't want you to start brooding on
this. And I don't want you to say you don't brood, because I know you."

"You're right, I guess," I said. "I guess I'd rather face it now, but Josh,
can we take it slow?"

"Of course we can," he answered, hugging me tightly to him. "Jack, if you
don't want to do this at all, please just say so. I don't want to force you
into this if you're not ready yet.  I mean, you've only known for like a
week. If you aren't ready, or you don't want to think about this yet,
please tell me."

"No, Josh, please don't feel bad for suggesting this," I said. "I just,
well, I don't want you to feel bad if I end up not being ready. I want to
know who I am, Josh, but I'm kind of scared, too. And, well, Evelyn said
all the paperwork is in there, and the name of the town. I don't want to
disappoint you, Josh, but what if we go out to that town and I don't want
to know?"

"Jack, I'll never be disappointed in you," he said. "If all you want to do
is go see the town, or not even that, I want you to do whatever you're
comfortable with, ok?"

"OK," I said, sipping my champagne again. "I have an idea now, too."

"What?" he asked.

"Finish up your champagne, and then we're going to rinse off and wash our
hair," I said.  "Then we're getting dressed, because we have to do
something else before we go meet everyone."

"What?" he asked, swallowing.

"Well, if we're going to talk about taking trips and going to find these
people, well, we should probably start by actually opening the envelope."

***

To be continued.