Date: Tue, 07 May 2002 17:21:56 -0400
From: Writer Boy <writerboy69@hotmail.com>
Subject: jc's hitchhiker - part 95

Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:

1) If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or
you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You
shouldn't be here.

2) I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no
way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or
anything else.  This is a work of pure fiction.

Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I enjoy
constructive criticism, praise, and rational discussion. I do not enjoy
flames, and will not tolerate them.

Back to the story in progress.

***Jack***

"Josh, did these, um, come from the costume department?" I asked, holding
up the t-shirt Josh handed to me. It was plain white, and on the front in
red rhinestones were the words, "Just Married".

"I made them!" Josh said, grinning. His, black and sleeveless, had the same
words, in clear sparkling rhinestones, and I couldn't help but notice how
tight his was as he rolled it down over his chest. "Well, I designed them,
anyway. I know it's not quite your style, but we did promise People
magazine some casual after wedding photos in the package we're sending
them. And it looks good with your pants."

Josh had picked out my clothes because he had packed them all, and this was
the only outfit left out. Part of planning the honeymoon had included a few
mystery shopping trips to get things Josh said I needed, and I had
grudgingly handed over my clothing, minus a few essentials, the day before
the wedding. Now that I knew where we were going, I kind of wanted my
clothes back, but Josh insisted that there would still be surprises, and he
wanted them left intact.

"So you're just going to ration out my clothes for me?" I asked, back when
he first suggested this plan.

"Yes," he answered, opening the closet. "Don't worry. I'm not going to make
you wear anything really bad, but your style could use a little push."

"Toward yours?" I asked, amused. "I'm not wearing anything made of feathers
or rags, Josh."

"I know," he said, leaning forward to kiss me on the forehead. "And I won't
make you wear anything really horrible, ok? I promise."

As I said, I had grudgingly agreed, wanting to humor him, and trusting him
to do his best to keep his promise. After all, he did pick out a lot of
clothes for me that time we had gone shopping with Justin, and he'd bought
me some stuff when I was in the hospital, too. Some of it was a little
different than I was used to, but none of it was really awful, and none of
it was quite up there with some of the things I'd seen him wear.  Josh had
a really good sense of style and fashion, but every once in a while it was
like something shorted out in his brain, and I wanted to pull him back into
the bedroom and redress him.  The t-shirt I held in my hands now, while not
something I would have picked out for myself, still showed that Josh
considered my wants, even if he thought I was a little stuffy. It was
loose, and had sleeves, and it did go well with the red cargo pants Josh
had picked out for me.

"I forgot we had to do casual shots," I said, frowning as I pulled the
shirt on. "They're not staying for all of brunch, are they?"

"No, thank God," Josh said, smiling. "They want a couple shots of us
holding hands and mooning around like newlyweds, and some shots of us
joining everyone else at the table, and then they're out, and we send them
the wedding pictures later. Do you want the sunglasses I picked out for
that?"

"No, thanks," I said, looking at the pair of red human fly glasses in his
hands. I had to draw a line somewhere. "I have my little black ones, and
they'll do just fine."

"Maybe I'll wear these, then," he said, slipping them into his pocket. Josh
looked at me thoughtfully, his head cocked to one side, his blue eyes
flashing beneath his furrowing eyebrows. "Jack, are you really
uncomfortable in that?"

"No, Josh," I said, walking over to him. "I think the shirts are cute. The
rhinestones are a little much, but, you know, it's kind of what people
expect. Just don't expect me to wear stuff like this all the time, ok?"

"OK," Josh said, draping his arms around my shoulders. His black shirt
stretched temptingly as he moved, riding up just a little above the waist
of his tight, dark blue jeans, with their odd white pattern, but we didn't
have time for this.

"Josh, I love you, but look at the clock," I said. Sighing, he turned his
head. "See, we can either make out for a half hour, which, you know, is
enough time for something quick, or we can open that envelope."

"You're right," he said, taking my hand and walking me toward the living
room. "I love you, too, and besides, we can have sex on the plane."

I froze, my smile at him slipping a little in surprise.

"You're kidding, right?" I asked.

"I've always kind of wanted to join the mile high club," Josh said, tugging
me toward the couch. He leaned over and stuck his tongue out, swiping it
wetly up the side of my face.

"Josh," I began, blushing, not sure if he was serious or not. The thought
of sex in a tiny little airplane, sneaking back to the bathroom from first
class, was kind of embarrassing, but was also kind of hot. Of course, the
thought of sex of any kind with Josh was kind of hot.

"I might be kidding, I might not," he said, giggling. Boy, on the days when
shy Josh slipped away, he really slipped.

I sat down next to him, and we stared at the envelope sitting on the coffee
table. Some of our good humor slipped away, and Josh reached over and took
my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. The two of us stared at it as if
it might open itself, and I wondered, finally, what actually was inside. I
hadn't looked at anything when I tucked the card from my mother in there,
but it didn't feel very thick. My eyes crawled over the flap, seeing the
layers of tape at the top, wondering if this actually got moved around
enough to need to be sealed closed. Maybe the tape was kind of symbolic,
part of the way my mother and father had compartmentalized this and locked
it away. After all, for me never to have seen this throughout my entire
childhood in that house, it must have been locked away somewhere secure,
like the safe.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Josh asked me quietly, squeezing my
hand.

"Yeah, I think so," I said, pulling it toward me with my free hand.

I looked at the watermark on the top of the envelope and felt a surge of
resentment, wondering who could have put their wet drink down on my
life. Then I realized I was masking nervousness with pettiness, and I let
go of Josh and opened the flap, sliding my finger under the tape. Both of
us took a deep breath, and I wondered what Josh though was going to be in
there. My mother had already told us that there weren't any names, but I
was curious now to see what there was. I picked up the envelope, and
reached inside, pulling out the note from Evelyn. I set it down on the
table.

"Want to read it again?" I asked. Josh shook his head. I didn't want to
read it again, either, so I pulled out the next document, and Josh and I
looked at it together. I handled it delicately, assuming all of the paper
was at least as old as I was. "Josh, this is my birth certificate."

"Wow," Josh said softly.

I felt kind of unsettled as I looked at it. The page was off white, printed
on thick, almost cardstock paper. On one side were statistics, vitals, my
birth weight, and length, the color of my eyes and hair. The spaces for my
name were blank, and I felt a pang inside. I had started out my life as no
one. There was a town, in Colorado, but not one I had heard of.  At least
my birthday really was mine. On the left side of the page, next to the
measurements, was a large box with a tiny black footprint in it. Josh
traced a finger down it thoughtfully.

"This is you, Jack," he said, his voice filled with wonder. "This is you,
from the minute God brought you into the world."

"It feels weird," I said. "I didn't even have a name. I mean, how weird is
that? I left the hospital without a name. I don't even know who brought me
home, Josh. I mean, did I get sent to an orphanage? Was my father at the
hospital? And look at this, Josh. My father does corporate work. What the
hell was he doing in Colorado? Was he on business? Did he know someone in
this town?"

"Jack, calm down, please," Josh said, squeezing me against him. "This is
only the first thing we've taken out."

"I know, I know," I said, resting my head on his shoulder for a
second. "I'm sorry. It's just that I have so many questions all of a
sudden, like I was holding this all in somehow, and now that I'm looking at
this they're all bubbling up in my mind."

"Jack, we don't have to look at this," Josh said again, kissing my forehead
as he wrapped his arms around me. I wasn't crying or really upset, but I
could tell he was worried.

"No, no, it's ok," I said, pulling away to kiss him back. "Josh, we're
going to have to make a side trip when we're done in Washington. We're
going to have to go see my father."

Josh swallowed.

"Are you sure?" Josh asked. He glanced at the envelope in my hands. "Maybe
we should keep looking at this. The answers to some of your questions might
be in here."

"They probably are, but I think I'm going to have to talk to him,
regardless," I said. I knew Josh was afraid of taking me back home, afraid
of causing me to have a relapse of any kind. The last trip had been so
stressful, but there really wasn't much else we could do. "Let's see what
else is in here."

The next thing I found was a photograph of me, in a crib in the hospital
nursery. I was a tiny, red faced baby, screaming, and wearing only a
diaper. I noticed that the blankets in the crib were all regulation
hospital white. I didn't have any personal objects near me in the picture,
anything that would imply that someone cared about me. I pointed this out
to Josh, and he tried to reassure me.

"Maybe your family was poor, and couldn't give you anything," Josh said,
rubbing my back. "Maybe they really wanted you, but couldn't keep
you. Maybe they thought they were giving you a better life."

"Maybe," I said doubtfully. "Or maybe they didn't want me at all, and they
didn't want to get attached."

I felt a tear trickle down my face, and Josh carefully wiped it away with
his fingertip.

"Jack, please don't talk like that," he said.

I knew what he was thinking, and he was right. I was somebody now, somebody
special, someone that other people cared about, and wanted. And it was
silly to jump to conclusions, considering that we didn't really know
anything. I just needed to stop letting my pessimism rule me. I squeezed
Josh's knee and pulled the rest of the papers out all at once, setting them
on my lap so that we could go through them together.  There wasn't anything
very profound in them, although it did offer an interesting glimpse into
the lives of my parents. Here was an announcement from the country club
newsletter welcoming a new addition to the Springer family. Here was a
snapshot of my mother standing next to a rather more elaborate crib,
smiling at the camera, but not touching me.

"How Victorian," I said, smirking. It really wasn't funny, but sarcasm, as
always, continued to be my defense. I could see the awkwardness of her
posture, the weird way she was standing by the crib but not really seeming
to be part of it, and wondered why no one else had been able to see it.

"Look, here's an invitation for your christening," Josh said, holding up a
little engraved card.

"Social gesture," I said absently. "We only went to church on Christmas and
Easter. Josh, the only things in this entire pile that really have anything
to do with where I came from before I went to Ohio are this birth
certificate and this picture of me at the hospital."

"You're right," Josh said, looking through the rest of the pile, casually
flipping through a couple more announcements, and some cards of
congratulations from family friends.  "Wait, here's something else."

I looked over, and saw him carefully removing a form from between a couple
of cards.

"What's that?" I asked, reading it along with him. It was a certificate of
adoption. I pulled it out of Josh's hands, scanning it quickly. There was
my father's signature, and there was my name. Someone had to sign me over
to him, though. There had to be another name on here. "Shit."

"What?" Josh asked, looking at it.

"I thought maybe my mother would be the one who signed this," I said,
frowning. That would have been too easy. "My birth mother, I mean. This is
the lawyer who handled the adoption. See? His name is down here, too."

"Yeah, but Jack, do you know what that means?" Josh asked, smiling. I shook
my head.  "If he could sign up here, too, it means he was legally
representing the woman who gave birth to you. He had power of attorney to
sign for her! This is a lead, Jack! And look at the bottom! His office is
in the same town as the hospital! Jack, we just have to find this guy."

Josh hugged me tightly, and I hugged him back, the two of us all but
crushing each other.  This wasn't impossible. We could do it, and we
wouldn't have to go through my father. I wouldn't have to go back to Ohio,
at least not yet. Both of us were grinning now, smiling like idiots as we
carefully put everything back in the envelope. I put it in my carryon bag,
and set it by the other bags at the door as Josh and I linked hands and
began walking toward the main building. We weren't late for brunch yet, but
if we hurried we could get the pictures done quickly, and would have more
time to see our friends before we had to fly out.

Walking over, I caught Josh smiling at me, giggling.

"What?" I asked, flexing my fingers, linked through his.

"I was just thinking, you know, about you being upset because you didn't
have a name," he said. "It's kind of funny, because you ended up with four
last names.  Jackson Parker Springer Chasez."

"Really funny, Mrs. Springer," I said, grinning back. "Sometimes I don't
know if I want to kiss you or to smack you upside the head."

"I'd go for the kissing," Josh said, leaning over to peck me on the cheek.

I had only been through a couple of photo shoots, but Josh was a veteran,
and walked me through the entire thing after we met Lisann and the
photographer. It wasn't our wedding photographer, as he was busy getting
proofs read for us to view during our closing meeting with Lisann. I was a
little surprised they could have them ready the next day, but Josh
whispered casually, his voice low to keep the photographer from hearing,
that anything was possibly at the price we were paying. We were sending
packages of wedding, rehearsal dinner, and reception shots to various
magazines, using the money to offset the cost of the wedding. It had been a
concession that kept the media satisfied but also kept them from waiting by
the gates with cameras or hovering overhead in helicopters. The
photographer thought Josh was whispering sweet nothings to me, and
immediately snapped a picture, which made me burst out laughing.

I realized that Josh kept turning me, so that the guy was only getting one
side of me, and I finally stopped them both.

"Guys, I'm not Barbara Streisand," I said, hands on my hips. "You can take
a picture of either side of my face."

"Um, actually, JC asked if I would avoid that side," the photographer said,
glancing at Josh. I turned to Josh as well.

"OK, it's not what it sounds like," Josh said quickly, raising his hands.
The photographer started snapping pictures again, perhaps thinking he would
catch our first married spat.  "It's not your face that's the problem,
Jack, since you're beautiful and handsome and perfect, but have you seen
your neck this morning?"

"Oh, shit," I blushed sheepishly, raising my hand to cover the giant hickey
I'd forgotten about, which Josh had left last night. As I stood there
blushing and looking down with my hand pressed to my neck Josh leaned over
and kissed me on the temple, and the photographer snapped that, too, and
decided he was done. I whispered to Josh. "Thank God."

"You'll get used to this someday," he laughed. "Let's go have some brunch."

When we walked into the private dining room everyone else was already
there, waiting patiently for us. Lisann had run ahead to tell them we were
wrapping up the photography shoot, and then she went back to coaching her
army of assistants through dismantling the wedding. They glanced up, and I
saw smiles race around the room. In my newlywed glow I decided to pretend
the smiles were because they were happy for us, and not because they were
giggling at these shirts Josh had designed. In truth, it was probably
both. Joey and Carla were off in the corner, discussing something in hushed
whispers.  Carla had her hair down, a way she didn't usually wear it, but
maybe she didn't want it piled up on her head in the Florida heat. Chris
was sitting by himself next to two empty chairs, leaning over to talk
across the table to Lance, who was stirring a cup of tea.  Justin sat next
to Lance, leaning over to listen to some story Vlada was telling him in a
quiet, mirthful voice, her accent curling around the words. There were two
empty chairs side by side at the head of the table, and I assumed they were
for us.

"Good morning, everybody," I said, smiling, as Josh and I took our seats.

"Good morning!" they all blurted, more or less in unison. Joey and Carla
drifted over to their seats, and servers appeared with steaming trays,
setting them down the center of the table so that we could serve ourselves,
family style. Josh went over to the side table to get water for his morning
tea.

"Coffee?" he asked, kissing my cheek as he stood.

"Please," I answered, turning to find everyone else staring at us, mostly
grinning.  "What?"

"Nothing," Justin said quickly, looking down. He didn't look as pained as
he usually did when Josh and I kissed or touched. Maybe Lance was doing him
some good.

"Haven't you guys kissed enough yet?" Joey asked.

"Never enough," Josh said from the side table.

"At least that's what Jack's neck says," Chris said, giggling.

"Hey!" I said, blushing.

"There's nothing wrong with it," Lance said, smiling at me. "It means
they're happy."

"Thanks, Lance," I said, smiling back at him as Josh sat back down, sliding
a cup in front of me. "We are happy."

"Looks like you got attacked by a vampire," Chris said, giggling. I was
starting to blush.  "I mean, geez, Jack, you're marked for life."

Justin's chair scraped back suddenly, and he hurried toward the door.

"Justin?" Josh asked, turning in his chair.

"Be right back," Justin said quickly, slipping out. He was white, his eyes
wide, and I wondered what was going on. Lance stood hurriedly.

"Lance?" Chris asked, starting to stand as well. Lance threw Chris a look
that nailed him back into his seat. "Justin?"

"Leave it alone," Lance said through gritted teeth, the words pouring out
like liquid nitrogen. I'd never heard Lance take that tone with anyone
before, and I was even more surprised when he turned back to Josh and I,
and his face shifted back to his usual easygoing geniality. "We'll be right
back."

We all stared at the door in silence, and then looked around uneasily at
each other. Vlada was glaring at Chris, blaming him, even though he hadn't
seemed to say anything out of the ordinary.

"What?" Chris asked her. "What did I say?"

"I don't know," she answered crossly. "But it vas bad."

"Should one of us go after them?" I asked.

"Why?" Josh asked, looking sadly at me. "They won't talk to anyone but each
other."

I squeezed his hand and wondered what else I could say, besides that he was
right. Justin and Lance wouldn't cry in front of us, wouldn't be bothered
in front of us, and wouldn't even talk in front of us. The two of them had
decided to build a wall around themselves, and the rest of us were just
peeking over the edges. Based on the way they'd acted over the past few
days, Josh, Vlada, and I were all on the ally side. Joey was still Lance's
friend, but Justin wouldn't even look at him. Chris also seemed to be ok in
Lance's book, but Justin hadn't said more than a word or two to him,
either. Part of me wanted to go after them, but part of me also wanted to
give them their own space, and I figured Josh was having the same
confusion.

"So, um, where are you guys going on the honeymoon?" Carla asked, trying to
break the tension and change the subject.

"We're starting out in Baltimore, and then DC," Josh answered.

"Why there?" Carla asked. Everyone else knew, of course.

"I was born in Washington, and I grew up in Bowie before we moved to
Orlando," Josh answered, spooning out some eggs. "I want to show Jack some
of where I came from."

"That's not the whole trip, is it?" Chris asked, and Vlada shot him another
look. He was just putting his foot in his mouth left and right today, and
he began trying to dig his way back out. "I mean, that's a really long time
to spend there, not that there's not enough to do."

Justin stepped back in, followed closely by Lance, who had his hand on
Justin's arm, guiding him, and the two of them returned to their seats as
Josh began to answer. We all pretended they hadn't left, not knowing what
else to do.

"We're not staying there the whole time," Josh said, patting my hand. I
knew that he wanted to leave how much we shared up to me, since it was my
life.

"After Washington we're flying to Denver," I said, squeezing Josh's hand
quickly before picking up my bagel again.

"What's in Denver?" Joey asked.

"Those kids from 'South Park'?" Chris suggested.

"Bears?" Joey added.

"Snow?" Chris continued.

"I've been there," Lance interjected. "It's not that bad, you guys."

"Zo vat are you doing zere?" Vlada asked, turning toward us, ignoring the
peanut gallery that Lance was trying to derail. "Do you zki?"

"It's the wrong season for skiing," Justin said softly, shaking his head at
her.

"We're going to look for my family," I said bluntly.

"Jack, um, your family lives in Ohio," Carla said. They were all looking at
us kind of oddly, and I could tell they were confused.

"Not all of them," I said. I could tell they were still lost, and Josh
curled an arm around my shoulders as I began to explain, hugging me against
his side. "Remember when Josh and I went to see my mother? Well, we, um, we
found something out about her, and me.  I'm not, um, I'm not who I thought
I was. I'm adopted."

Dead silence greeted this. They had roughly the same expressions of
surprise that would have greeted my vomiting a cat onto the breakfast
table. Josh kissed my cheek.

"Guys?" he said, holding me tightly. My heart was pounding in my chest,
waiting to hear what they would say. It seemed odd, but I hadn't been this
nervous when Josh came out to the guys. I couldn't think of a single reason
why they would treat me any differently, but I was still a little afraid
that they would. "You can say something any time now."

"I don't know what to say," Joey said. "I mean, I don't really want to
apologize, but you know, I don't think congratulations works, either."

"Are you ok?" Lance asked me. I let out a grateful exhale.

"Yeah, I'm ok," I said, smiling as Josh patted my back and went back to his
breakfast. He was watching me out of the corner of his eye, but giving me a
little room.

"Evelyn told you this?" Carla asked incredulously. "She told you this now?
There wasn't ever a better time, you know, like years ago?"

"She wasn't going to tell me at all," I said, picking at my plate, pushing
things around with my fork, but not really eating anything. "I kind of
overheard her telling Josh."

"Wow," Chris said, shaking his head. "I can't believe they never told you
that. What the hell is the matter with them?"

"Chrees!" Vlada hissed at him. Boy, he couldn't say anything right today.

"I don't really want to talk about that," I said, looking away. Josh hugged
me against him again.

"It's ok, babe," he sighed.

"Do you know where they live?" Justin asked. "Or maybe should you call them
or something? I mean, I don't want to ask if you don't want to talk about
it.  I've just, you know, I don't know anyone who's adopted."

"No, Justin, it's ok," I said quickly. I was so happy to see him pulled out
of his shell a little that I would have answered anything he asked at that
point. "I've never been adopted before, so I've got a lot of questions,
too."

Justin offered a small smile to mine, and Josh's hand squeezed my leg under
the table. He caught it, too.

"We don't know anything about them, Juju," Josh said.

"We have the town, the date, and the name of the hospital," I said,
thinking of the paperwork. "And the name and address of the lawyer who
handled the adoption.  So we're going to go look for him, and see what he
can tell me."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Carla asked. "I mean, not to rain on the
parade, but what if they're not exactly happy to see you? Have you thought
about that?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," I said, noticing that Chris
and Lance both shot Carla stern looks. The guys were still more or less in
the habit of tiptoeing around me, afraid of doing anything to upset me, but
Carla would never treat me with kid gloves, and I loved her for it.

The rest of breakfast passed in easy chatter, trading stories from the
reception and discussing everyone else's plans for the next couple of
weeks. Joey wanted to go see Brianna again. Vlada was going to do a couple
of shows in New York, and Chris was going to go with her, and work on some
business for his clothing line while he was there.  Justin and Lance were
going to, in their words, "take a break" from everything, and we all knew
but didn't say that it would include some therapy, although a couple weeks
wouldn't be enough. Once we were all back the guys were filming a video,
and then going into rehearsals for their tour. The album they'd been
recording when I first flew out to see Josh and meet them all was ready,
with a few changes and additions, and they were putting it out right before
the tour.

After we all finished eating they began to awkwardly say goodbye and wish
us luck.  Justin and Lance were the last to go.

"Please call if you need us," Josh said to Justin, hugging him as I hugged
Lance.

"We will," Lance said as he and Justin switched places. Justin hugged me
tightly.

"Congratulations, Jack," he said, his eyes watering. I could tell that he
meant it, really and sincerely, and my own eyes watered, too.

"Promise me you guys will be ok," I said, holding onto him.

"We will be," Justin said.

"We'll take care of each other," Lance added, taking Justin's arm and
leading him away.

They walked out the doors, and I watched them drift off down the hall. Josh
came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my chest as he pulled me back
against him, and laid his head on my shoulder.

"You ready?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered. "Let's go see Lisann and then get the hell out of
here."

***

To be continued.