Date: Sun, 24 Sep 2000 16:01:54 GMT
From: M. F. Luder <jmfluder@hotmail.com>
Subject: Boybands. Just the truth. Chapter 3

'I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere.'
-Firewalker.

So, here I am, trying to write another chapter... hopefully, depending on
how much I write, something will happen here... although don't let your
hopes up too high. Lets just say that who's seen x-files before will know
what IS to stay put for 5 years just with UST.

The usual disclaimer, I don't know them. I don't know if they are gay or
not. I don't even know if they are human or not, so...  there ya go!.

I'm trying my best here, so bare with me, and if I screw up, just take it
and continue with the story.

To my 'Scully', love, you're the one that keeps me sane, that keeps me whole
and alive, as Mulder once said 'Before, I could only trust myself. Now, I
can only trust you...' I'm here darling, I know I'm not leaving, I wouldn't
be able to leave you. You know that you're the only one who keeps me here.
And for that, and for everything you've done for me, I love you baby.

If you are underage or feel uncomfortable about this stuff, what are ya
doing in here anyway?!?. Ok, leave, or... face the consequences, coz God
knows I will if I get caught!.

Now the story!.

Just the truth
By M. F. Luder

Chapter 3

*****

I woke up with startle, I didn't know where I was for a moment. Looking
around me and I realized I was in my bed, in my room, in my house.

Laying back against the bed I let out a sight of relieve, I had a
nightmare... again!. I kept seeing myself in the hospital, Kate by my
side... she was crying... asking me why...

Then I felt a presence next to me, turning around I saw that Kate was
cuddling me tightly, her arm around my bare chest, half laying on top of me.
I had one arm around her waist. 'she must have came here at some point last
night' I thought. She used to do that when she left like I was 'slipping
away' as she like to call it. It hadn't happened in some time, so I had
thought that maybe I was 'staying' for good. Guess not.

I looked over at the clock, I had forgotten to set it up. I thanked my lucky
star that I had woken up early enough, since it was just 6.30am. We still
had time.

I looked at her again, she was just in her underwear, and I was just in my
boxers 'guess I was too tired to change into my pjs' I thought. Her brown
hair was all over my chest, her petite form fit perfectly with mine. Even
though I was almost one feet taller, sometimes it seemed as if she was
taller than me, her wisdom could have no boundaries in some ways.

We had to get up, that much I knew. We both had classes at 8.30 and unless
we wanted to be late, we had to get going. Now. Deciding it was either now
or never, I started shaking her. "Darling, it's get late"

She just moved around and cuddle closer to me.

God give me a hand, will ya?. "Kate."

Nothing.

"Love we've got to get up. It's monday morning, remember?" I said again,
running my fingers over her long brown hair. If anyone had came up in that
moment, they would have thought we were lovers or something like it!.

"Late?" she mumble in her sleep.

"Not actually, but if you wanna enjoy your shower, then you better get up"

"Mac?!" she stood up rather abruptly, looking around until her beautiful
brown eyes from my black pair. I could see her eyes glistening with unshed
tears, moving slowly she pulled me to a hug.

"I'm right here honey. Right here with ya". My fingers running up and down
her back.

I could tell she was crying softly, hot tears falling in my shoulder.

"It's ok, I'm not leaving... You're stuck with me" Humor in my voice,
however she just kept her tight grip in my waist.

After a while she spoke softly, her voice barely about a whisper, her head
never leaving the crock of my neck. "Last night I dreamt you were gone, I
came here and you were asleep. I needed to sleep with ya"

"It's ok. I thought something like that had happened. I'm here love, I'm
right here." Sighting as I didn't get any response, I decided to try again.
"You ok?"

Looking up at me with her big brown eyes I could see bottomless fear in
them. She loved me, and the feeling was mutual. I had to made her realize
that.

"I'm not leaving. Not now, not ever. It was a mistake. A 'once in a life
time' kind of mistake." I kept quiet for moment, choosing just the right
words to express my feelings. " 'Look, I know what you're thinking but you
have to get past that. We both do. I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere'" I
used what thought was the best for the occasion. A quote from Firewalker.
something  Scully had said to Mulder, who was afraid of loosing her again
after her 'abduction'

"You mean it?"

"Yeah, you're just too loveable to leave" I sight and started wiping her
tears with my finger. "Besides we promise we'd be there for each other. You
were there for me, I haven't yet"

"I love you. You know that right?"

"Yeah, I love you too Scully" I hugged her again., trying to give her
reassurance about my words. "It's getting late, c'on"

With that we started our day. After showering and changing we had breakfast,
even though it was just yogurt for me and tea for her.

As we got to college, we smiled at each other.

"Remember the guys are coming over at 5pm" I said as I picked up my backpack
from the back seat.

"Yeah, we've got enough time to arrive home and rest before they arrive"

"See ya at 4pm at the library k?"

She nodded and gone we were, both heading towards our classes. It was gonna
be a long day, that much I could tell.

*****

*Ring*

Kevin heard the phone ring, but he wasn't in the mood to talk right now.

*Ring*

It was 2pm and had just arrived from a meeting, which had been pretty much
pointless.

*Ring*

They had talk about stuff he already knew, the schedules, the PDAs. They had
even told him that 'he' had to have the guys in line... like he had to be
told that!, he knew what was there to be done!

He heard the machine pick it up.

"Hey, I'm not here right now, so leave your message and I'll get to ya as
soon as I can" he heard himself say, then the beep of the machine.

"Cuz, it's me, Brian, I know you're there... c'on, pick up"

Arg!!... 'why does Brian have to bother me!!?' he though.

"Kev, answer!" his voice was the one of business.

"What ya want?" asked a very annoyed Kevin.

"Took you long enough, don't ya think?".

"I'm tired, talk" he said with an exasperate tone.

"Can I come over, I wanna talk with you" he was telling him, not asking him.

"I told you I'm not in the mood, I'm tired, ok, besides, I'll see ya at
Matt's this afternoon" he didn't want to see his cousin, he knew what he'd
like to talk about, and he didn't know what he was gonna answer.

"That's exactly what I wanna talk about"

"Look, I'm tired and --"

"I know better than that, ok!, I know you don't wanna talk, but you have no
choice"

"You're telling me?!" he yelled angrier than before. If there was something
he hated, was being told what to do.

"That's not what I meant... look... just talk, half an hour, k?"

Kevin felt silent for a moment, he knew he'd have to 'talk' about it, but
why now?, why not... in, let say... a thousand years?.

The older cousin sight. 'I'm going to have to deal with this anyway' he
though.

"OK" he said and hung up the phone, not even waiting for Brian to say good
bye.

He laid on his bed, as he had been for the past 10 minutes since his
arrival. He didn't know what had happened last night, he had felt...
different?

'But analyze this, what was so ...different... Besides the fact that you laugh,
a real laugh, like you haven't in the past 8 months. That you chatted for
about three hours like your old self... that you felt, at ease?'. He knew
something had changed. Maybe not dramatically changed, but something inside
him had at least moved a millimeter... but why?.

'Maybe it has to do with Matt' he thought. 'Nah!, I just met him, for
Christ's sake!'

He closed his eyes, which wasn't wise at all. He could see it again, the
darkness, the pain, the fear. Startle by his own memories he opened his
eyes. H  was in his room, in his bed, alone... save. 'Am I really?'.

The dark haired man didn't want to think about it, it had been hard enough
to live through it. He stood up and went to the bathroom, splashed some
water on his face. The best thing was to relax and be alert by the time his
younger cousin arrive, otherwise he may just let his 'facade' slip.

'I can't do that!... I won't do that'

As he made his way towards the kitchen he started remembering last night
conversation with Matt. He was a great guy, that much he'd learn in those
few hours he'd chat with him. He was pretty intelligent, if studying
Medicine for 2 years already and still studying it was of any indication.
He'd been very cool when he found out who they truly were.

'But that's not just that, and you know it Richardson' he heard himself say.

Kevin opened the door fridge and looked for a bottle of Gatorade, he wasn't
in the mood for coffee, and water just wasn't calling his name right now.
'Grape Gatorade, nothing better than this'.

Then as planned, he heard the doorbell ring.

He walked slowly towards the door, dreading to open it, knowing what would
come with that.

Letting out one final sight, he opened the door. As expected, Brian stood
there. He didn't even said hello to his younger cousin, he just walked
towards the living room. Sitting in the couch, he could hear the door
shutting down and Brian's steps towards the couch across from him.

Silence.

None of them dreading to break it. Kevin knew he'd have to talk eventually,
but that 'eventually' didn't have to be so soon, did it?.

While Brian knew something was different, he could just 'tell'. Kevin had
always been a very private person, not being able to make friends from the
blues of it. But that hadn't happen with Matt, it had been the complete
opposite, talking and laughing like all school friends. Laughing. Something
Brian hadn't seen his older cousin doing for the past 8 months. He sighted.
He knew he had to talk with Kevin about it, it was killing him to see his
beloved cousin like this and not being able to do anything to help him.
'It's either now or never'.

"Kevin. Please talk with me" His voice only above a whisper, the plea in it
evident.

Kevin looked up from his hands towards him, unshed tears were threatening to
fall.. 'It's killing him as well. It's my fault, all my fault' he repeat
like a mantra.

"I'm fine" his green eyes never leaving the floor.

"That's bull and you know it!" the younger cousin yelled "You haven't been
yourself for the past 8 months since whatever the hell happened with Greg.
You don't seem to be able to talk about it with me. Whatever it is it's
killing you Kevin." He towered the older and taller man, since Kevin hadn't
stood up from him position in the couch, he could use this height on Kevin
for once.

The older cousin closed his eyes shut, biting his lower lip. He couldn't
break down here, not in front of Brian. He couldn't tell him what had
happened.

Brian sighted, he knew Kevin wouldn't tell him. If he hadn't told him for
the past months, he wouldn't now. He sat down next to his cousin, placing
his hand on the older man's shoulder. "Look" said calmly "I just want to
help you, but I can't if you don't talk with me"

"There's nothing to talk about" muttered Kevin.

"Ok, if you don't wanna talk about it, then lets talk about yesterday, shall
we?"

Kevin stood up, suddenly feeling very angry. Why did he had to get into his
business!. "There's nothing to talk about either" his voice as cold as he
could muster.

"You and I both know that's not true" He continue standing up as well. "You
were talking with Matt like you've known him for years!"

"He's a great guy, very easy to talk to. that's all"

"Is that so?"

"Damn it Brian yes!. I don't have a crush on him if that's what you're
asking, I barely even know him!" His voice as steady as he could muster, not
only trying to prove it to his cousin, but to himself as well.

"You've never been so opened with people and you know it!. It took you long
enough to get used to the guys" he stated, remembering the time when Kevin
had been introduced to the rest of the group. Sure  he felt paternally
towards them, but at the beginning he hadn't even want to talk with them,
building barriers around him for protection.

"That was different!" he yelled.

"It wasn't and you know it!. You never talk so freely with someone you've
just met, however you did it with him!"

Kevin started to pace the room, now knowing where to go, he felt trapped in
his own house. He turned around, facing Brian, towering over him, like he
used to do when they were just kids. "So what!?, it's not of your damn
business"

"It is when you're safety is concern" his voice soft and tentatively.

"Well let me tell you something Brian, I'm old enough to take care of
myself, you know!" Turning around again, knowing that it wasn't that he was
mad a Brian, he was mad at himself for not admitting the obvious.

Brian sat on the couch, looking at the older man looking out the window. He
looked so old, even though he was only 28, it was like he had aged 20 years
in just minutes. He walked over him, looking out the window himself. "I just
want to help, ok?. I don't want you to get hurt"

Kevin sight, he was just making it more difficult for himself and everyone
around him. "I know"

"Look, take a nap and I'll see over Matt's, k?" his voice calm and steady,
hoping that it'd calmed Kevin down a little bit. He hated fighting with his
cousin.

He only nodded, not averting his eyes from the window. After a moment, he
heard the door open and then shut again. He could see Brian getting in his
car and driving off. He was safe. Alone.

Closing the curtains shut, he laid down on the couch letting the tears fall
free. he'd have to compose himself before 5pm, but he'd think about it
later. Right now, all he wanted was to swallow in self pity.

*****

We arrived at home at 4.30pm, enough time to change into more comfortable
clothes and wait for the guys. Both Kate and I were in the study. I knew the
guys wouldn't leave till late and I truly didn't want to stay up with
homework, so I decided to do some for now. However my childish-like-behavior
toke the best of me and I got into my computer and started to check some
fanfic of X-Files. Kate was in her desk, writing some sketches about a house
or something like it.

I was completely lost in my own little world when the doorbell rang, since
Kate was a busier than I was I headed towards the door. Looking over the
peephole and I noticed it was Nick. Smiling at myself I opened up the door.

" 'You didn't come to raid my mini-bar, did ye?' " Using Mulder's quote from
Deep Throat in the 1st season.

His baby blue eyes sparkle with his eyes. "Good one"

"Little oldies never cease to amaze me"

Nick started to looked around the house, mine wasn't as big as his, but it
was big enough for Kate and I and our families when they wanted to visit us.
Not that it had happened that often either.

"Like it?"

"Can I have the grand tour?" he asked with a pout and batting the baby
blues.

"You do know that you could get whatever you want doing that, don't you?"
Trying to keep a straight face but the corners of my mouth were twitching.

"Yeah!, I've been told that before. However it doesn't work for everyone"
his voice like the one of a 5year old.

"Oh, really?!, and who is the all Mighty that can face them and not succumb
by them"

"Kevin. I've tried everything on that man!, he wouldn't even let me have
chocolate for breakfast when I was kid!. He's unbreakable!"

"No one is unbreakable Nick. You just have to find their Achilles' heel" My
eyes sparkling with mischief.

"I love your line of thought. By the way, where's Kate?"

"Right here" a voice was heard from the stairs.

Both of us looked up. There she was, dressed only in jeans and a loose long
sleeves T-shirt and sneakers. But to me she'd never looked more beautiful.
She was my love. She was all I had on my darkest and worst moments.

Smiling at her I extended my hand in a old fashion way. Smiling back she
toke my hand and kissed my cheek in sign of affection. Then went towards
Nick and hugged him. He was surprised for a moment, but then returned the
hug.

"It's good to see you again kiddo"

"Who are you calling kiddo?" his voice full of annoyance. "I'm older than
ya, you know".

"I know, still, you DO behave like a kid" flashing him a seductive smile.

I just grinned, she was unique. After all, she was MY Scully.

"So, what about the grand tour"

"What ya say if we waited for the rest of the guys to arrive, then I'll show
you all the house, k?"

"Sure"

We motioned to the living room. Nick sat in one of the couches, I was next
to him and Kate in one of the armchairs.

As Nick was about to ask something, I heard the doorbell. Excusing myself I
made my way towards the door. As I expected, it was Howie and AJ.

"See you arrived first Kaos" said AJ with a smile. That guy never stopped
wearing sunglasses, did he?.

"Yep!, wanted to see his 'Phile' habitad. Good to see you D"

"Same here Kiddo"

Kate and I started looking at each other, it was like they were talking in
this unknown language to us.

"What's with the weird names?" I asked.

"The nicks?. Oh!, just some monikers of us" Howie said.

"Care to share?"

"Sure. Lets see. Well, AJ, he's called Bone, and J usually, Howie, it's
either D from his last name Dorough or Sweet D. Brian, he's the one who's
got the most of us all, he's B-Rok, but some times we just call him B or
Bri, or Rok as well. He's also Frick, but I'll explain that one later. Kev,
well, Kev, and Kevvy being the main ones, Old man as well, being the eldest
of us all, Boo and Pumpkin when he was a child, and... well, another one
that you'll have to ask him" Nick explained us with the already famous
Carter smile.

'Then I'll have to ask him.' "What about you?"

"I was just leaving the best part to the end"

"You wish!" said AJ

"Shut up Bone!, ok, me!... let see: Nicky, which I hate, I'm not a kid
anymore!."

"Says who?" asked Howie with a smile.

Nick just glared at him and continue his statement. "Let see... there's also
Kaos, based on nothing!. And Frack. Now, Frick and Frack are Bri's and my
nickname, since they say we're such a pair, hanging together all the time
and stuff like it. Guess we've covered everything, right?" The guys nodding
at his question.

"WOW!, that's a lot to remember"

"Now, what about you?" asked AJ.

"We?" said Kate and I at the same time, which gave us a laugh from the guys.

"Yep, you've got to have some nicks, right?" chipped in Nick.

I didn't know what to say. I looked over to Kate, who smiled at me, I
nodded.

"Well, the classical stuff, my name is Katherine, so Kate is a nickname,
same with Matt, he says Matthew sounds old, I think it's cute, but well...
being philes, Mulder and Scully. Matt's nick on line is M. F. Luder" said
Kate looking at Nick for any recognition.

Smiling back, recognition in his eyes. "From Fallen Angel?" Referring to a
episode when Scully finds out that Mulder wrote an article in a magazine
with the name M. F. Luder, which is nothing else but an anagram of F.
Mulder.

"Yep!, only truly philes could know about it"

"Ok, mine is S. D. Lucly" Kate said looking at me. I just smiled at her.

"I don't remember that one" Confusion written all over his face.

"Yeah well, that's kinda our copyright. It's an anagram of D. Scully"
Remembering the time that Kate had wanted a nick related with X-Files and
made it for her.

"Hey!, that's so cool!"

"That's all?" asked AJ.

"Well... I sometimes call Matt... MAC"

"Mac, why?" asked Howie.

"From my name, I'm Matthew Andrew Caldwell. And I call Kate... petite for
obvious reasons" I said smiling at my love. She just slapped my arm
playfully. "You know you love it!"

With that all of us laughed, Kate wanted to look mad, but I could tell she
was having a good time as well. Then the doorbell ring again. I walked over
and opened the door, not even bothering to look by the peephole, knowing it
was one of the guys. Either Brian or Kevin.

Brian smiled at me and made his way towards the living room, sitting in the
couch that both AJ and Howie were.

"Glad you made it Rok"

He looked at me with a quizzical look, then looked over to the guys.

"We told them" said Nick. Brian, in response, only nodded.

I could feel something was wrong with him, but why?. I'd have to find out
later. As I was about to say something, the doorbell rang again. I stood up
and opened the door, knowing it was Kevin. He stood in the doorstep smiling
at me. He was just wearing black cargo pants, a tight blue T-shirt and a
black opened button-down collar. He looked amazing!.

I stepped to a side, so he could come in. Turning to me he said. "Good to
see you again Matt", his southern accent sticking up a little bit.

"Same here"

Kevin turned toward the guys and said. "Good to see you arrived on time"

The guys just smiled. "Glad you could come, oh! fearless leader" said Nicky,
which made the guys laugh.

Kevin just glared at him, like when you parents don't want you to leave the
table, Nicky just looked over at the floor. I smiled in despite of myself,
they acted like father and child so much.

As Kevin and I took our sets, Kevin in an arm chair that was just by my
side, I said. "Are you and Nicky related?"

Kev looked at me, then at Nick and smiled. "Nope, but I've kinda raised him,
that's all, why?"

"Well, you too act like he was your little brother, or even your son, but
you're not old enough to have Nicky as you son"

"I've been in the group since I was 12, and here Kevin was 21, so he kinda
took all of us under his wing, being me the one who got to be raised by him
more openly. That's why he acts like my father, even though I'm an adult
now!" Nick said in a mock of annoyance.

"Nickolas" said Kevin with stern voice. "Watch your tone"

"Sorry"

Kate and I smiled. It was so fun watching them interact.

Grinning AJ continue the explanation. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it.
Nicky here tries to behave like an adult but that only last a couple of
minutes, and when he plays a prank on one of us, Kevin is the one to put him
on line. He's ver strict with all of us, but Nick is the one that gets the
most 'parental' mode of Kevin. He kinda brings is out on him"

"I try"

"Can we have the grand tour now?" asked Nick, changing the subject.

I smiled at him, I'd do the same thing if they were talking about how
childish I acted. "Sure Kaos"

After half an hour we had showed them all the house. Nick being amazed by my
room, every single wall was full of X-Files posters and had the biggest
memorabilia he had ever seen, I was proud of my collection, what can I say?

"How do you pay for a house like this?" asked AJ.

"I don't. My parents bought it for us, as a starting college present, so to
speak" I looked at the ground, I've never like the fact that my parents love
to show off their money.

"What do they do?" asked Nick this time.

"Mine and Kate's parents are in the FBI, ADs both of them. They're residing
on D.C. right now"

"Wow!, you're parents are ADs?"

Kate and I nodded.

"That's so cool" Nick said with shining eyes, like it was the best thing
ever. God know I'd wished my father was more... down to earth so to speak.

As we arrived at the living room again, I showed Nick my video collection. I
had every chapter taped, as well as the movie and the videos that you could
rent on Blockbuster. Also the special appearances and Award shows. Lets just
say that I spent a lot of time in that, k?.

"Wow!, I can't believe you have all this" Nick looked at me, his eyes wide
opened.

Shaking his head Kevin smiled at Nick's antics. "You're acting like you're
in Christmas morning Nick"

"I barely even have the movie" he said.

"Well, I can lend you the videos if ya want. Us philes have to help each
other, right?" the happiness at knowing another Phile was obvious in my
voice.

"Thanks!" he said while hugging me very tight, and being taller than me, I
could barely breath!.

"No prob. man, but... I kinda need air, ya know?"

He let go a little bit, still smiling at me. "You're great!"

"You've made Nick very happy, and now you have a friend forever"

"That's what I wanted". What could I say?. I was happy. Nick was just a
great guy and a Phile nonetheless!.

"So what do we do?" asked a voice. I turned around and see that it had been
AJ who asked it.

"We can always watch a video" said Kate.

"As long as is not X-Files" said Howie with a smile, looking over at us.
"We've got enough with the kid over there" pointing at Nick.

"They just don't understand us" said Nick looking at me.

"Yeah, genius aren't understood by their generation".

"Neither are madmen" muttered Kevin.

Nick and I just glared at him. Turning around we smiled. It wasn't the first
time we had been called that and it sure wouldn't be the last.

"So, what do we watch?" asked Brian.

It had been the first time he had talked tonight. Something was bothering
him and from the looks of it, it was related with me!.

"Well, we can always go to Blockbuster and rent some videos" suggested Kate.

"Cool, do we all get to go?" asked AJ.

"I don't think so, 7 people for only a couple of videos, wouldn't THAT be
suspicious?" I deemed with a smile.

"Ok, Brian, AJ and Howie, you go and get the videos, bring some cokes in
your way over. Kate, Matt, Nick and myself will stay here" said Kevin taking
over the situation.

'He's a natural'. "No need for the cokes, we've got the fridge well filled"

"Ok, lets go kiddos" said Howie in his best fatherly voice.

Brian and AJ looked over at Howie, then at each other. Brian spoke, grinning
obvious in his voice. "It doesn't work on ya, only Kevin has the 'daddy
tone'"

Howie looked over at Kevin. Kevin just shrugged. "Care to share the secret
with me Kev?"

"Sorry D., you'll learn when you have your kids"

With that the guys left. I looked over at the four of us, "what do we do in
the mean time?"

"Wanna play Nintendo?" asked Kate to no one in particular.

"Sure!" yelled Nick. They looked at each other and sat on the floor in front
of the tv and started to play.

I looked over at Kev, who shrugged again. "Guess we're too old for that,
right?"

"Yep, those whippersnappers just don't respect their elders"

"C'on Boo, it's not as if you're that old!"

He looked at me with a quizzical look.

"Sorry!, shouldn't have said that"

"It's ok, the guys probably told you, right?" He waited for me to nod before
continuing. "I'm fine with it, it must be kinda tough to remember all the
nicks with the five of us" he finished with a smile.

"I've got good memory!"

"He's got photographic memory!" yelled Kate, her eyes never leaving the
game.

I chuckle, leave it to her to be able to pay attention to her game and to
our conversation, she was so curious some times!.

"Are you red-green color blind too?" asked Nick, not turning around either.
He was referring to the fact that Mulder had photographic memory AND was
red-green color blind.

"I wished!"

Kevin turned his head to the side a little bit, confusion in his eyes.

"Phile stuff". His smile back in his eyes, he nodded.

We walked towards the back of the house, sitting down in the grass, both
Nicky and Kate were too busy with their game to even pay attention to us.

I starting looking at the pool, sometimes I'd just swim to take my mind of
things. Kevin looked at me, even though I did wanted to turn around,
somehow, I just didn't.

"Penny for your thought" I heard him say.

"I was just thinking"

"Care to share?"

"Worried about my studies, that's all" I lied. I probably wouldn't have been
able is Kate was next to me, she had this 'way' of telling that I was lying,
damn her and knowing me so well. But I couldn't tell Kevin what I was
thinking... how different I feel when I was with him.

"You're getting low grades?" I could sense concern in his voice, like a
father asking a son.

"You'll make a great dad, you know that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I could sense your concern in your voice, like it was your son you were
talking to, still, it wasn't threatening... like from a friend" I looked
over at him "You're gonna make a girl very happy"

He flinched slightly, but composed in an instant. I really didn't notice.
Smiling back at me. "I try"

I turned around, getting lost in the pool again. "In answer to your
question, no, I'm not getting low grades. Actually, I've only gotten
straight As ever since I got here"

"Your parents must be very proud"

Now it was my time to flinch. 'if only that was true' I thought. 'I don't
think I've ever made them feel proud.'

"If you're getting As, they why are you worried?"

"I don't know... I love what I'm studying, don't get me wrong. I've never
doubt it for a second, it's just... I guess I'm just babbling"

"No, it's natural. You're so young, and heading for a long and very
stressful career. I'm not suggesting you don't like what you're studying,
I'm sure you love it, but maybe it's all catching up on ya"

I turned to looked at him, it had suddenly gotten dark. I didn't know what
time it was, probably just 6.30pm or something like it, I could see him by
the dim light of the stars. Without even realizing it myself I smiled. I
felt at ease with him by my side. "Thanks"

"Why?, I didn't tell you something you didn't already know"

"Thanks for listening"

We looked over at the pool, neither of us saying anything. I don't know how
or why, but it just wasn't needed.

'Something is definitely different' Kevin thought. 'I can't be falling for
him, I've just met him!'

"Do you see your parents often?" I asked out of the blues.

"Sorry?" Kevin said being brought back from his musings.

"Your parents, do you see them often?"

"As often as I can. My father died when I was 19, my mom still lives in
Lexington, I talk with her every once in a while, and visit her a couple of
times a year."

"Sorry, I didn't know about your father" I said worried that I had brought a
painful memory for him

"It's ok. I still miss him, but I know he's watching over me. What about
your parents, do you see them often?"

I started thinking, when was the last time I HAD seen them, lets see... for
Christmas?. Nope, I spent it with Kate's parent, mine were too busy, had to
fly to New York I think...

"Well, they are busy, you know?. They love gatherings and everything. We
were supposed to get together for Christmas, but they had an invitation to
some high class ball or something like it in New York, so I stayed with
Kate's parents. Before that... well..." I didn't know what to say, the last
time I saw them was when I left home to come here. That had been almost two
years ago!.

"It's ok... I mean, they are busy and everything" Kevin said, trying not to
make feel uncomfortable.

"We're not too close you know, my dad and Richard, that's Kate's dad, were
Field agents when we were kids, partners as well, that's how Kate and I met.
They were promoted to AD when we were 14, my mom and dad moved over to D.C.
as was needed. Richard moved as well, but Lilyan, Kate's mom, stayed in
Massachusetts with Kate. My parents thought I was old enough to take care of
myself, so I stayed there. Lilyan was nice enough to let me stay over at
Kate's for as long as I wanted, I kinda became their son as well" I finished
smiling at the memory. I was practically leaving in the Astadourian's house,
only going to mine to check it up or to get some clothes.

"I went over to D.C. when finished high school and had decided which college
I'd got to. They were ok with whatever my decision was. They just said that
I wouldn't live in the dorms, 'the son of an AD wasn't gonna leave in those
places' my dad said. So he and mom got us this house from their real state,
it is nice. Kate and I moved here as soon as we could. It was tough for us
to leave Lilyan behind, but she moved with Richard when he came here.
Actually, I keep in touch more with Lilyan and Richard than with my own
parents" I kept looking at the floor. I was kinda ashamed of that, here is a
guy that's very closed to his parents and siblings, while I'm not, and being
an only child doesn't help things either.

"There are different kind of families, yours thought it was the best for
you" his voice full of reassurance and kindness.

I looked up to him and couldn't help but smile. He was trying his best,
although he didn't have the complete story, it was his best under the
circumstances. Just then I heard the doorbell rang, a moment later I heard
the door open and then close.

"Guess they're back"

"Yep" he answered back at me, I could see... what was that?...
disappointment?... nah, I guess I'm just seeing things.

With that we made our way back to the living room.

"There you are, we thought you'd been kidnapped by aliens!" Nick said.

"You were too engrossed in your video game to even noticed us leaving the
room!" Turning around over at Kate, I gaze at her with a mischievous grin.
"What were you doing kids?"

Kate just glared at me. I knew she'd get me back for that later, but right
now I was embarrassing. I flushed her a smile.

"So what did you knuckleheads got?"

"Very funny old man, you're getting senile and you know it!" said AJ.

"Bone's right cuz, you're gonna turn 30 in no time!"

"Cuz?" I asked looking from Kevin to Brian.

"Yeah, that kid over there and I are cousins, God knows how that happened!"
his voice full of humor.

Brian gave him a hurt look, then smiled. He seemed already cool with
whatever was bothering him.

"So, what did you guys got?" asked Kate.

"Well, X-Men, Perfect storm and Matrix" said Howie showing us the videos.

"Matrix?. Thanks Frick!" said Nick while hugging Brian.

"No prob. Frack"

"I see you like that movie" I turned around to see Nick practically
strangling Brian.

The guys laughed at that... I guess he DID liked that movie.

"Like it?, I love it!" slowly he released him. "It's one of the coolest
movies I've ever seen"

"What about Fight the future?" Talking about The X-Files movie.

"That's cool as well... but... you've got to accept that it's most like a
very long chapter, right?"

I sighed. Even though it had taken me some time to admit to myself, the
movie wasn't the best ever. It could have been better. Even some chapters,
specially the mythology ones, were a lot better. "Yeah, you're right, it IS
good, but... "

"Not THAT much?"

"Yeah" My voice full of defeated.

"Oh my god!" I heard someone say, and I could recognize that voice
everywhere!. I turned around and saw Kate with her hand on her mouth. Then I
just started chuckling.

"What?" asked Brian. I could also see that Nick was grinning, it was very
easy to realize it. Well, it was if you were a Phile.

"Nothing. It's just that I'm such a Phile that Kate probably never thought
she'd live to hear me say that the movie wasn't the greatest." Finished
smiling.

Brian turned around towards Kate for confirmation.

"He's always saying that X-Files is just the best serie ever and... well...
he just said that it wasn't!"

Brian smiled to me and turned to Nick "Yeah, it was a surprise to me too
when Nick said that he liked Matrix more that Fight the Future"

"Ok kids, too much X-Files for us" said Kevin, bringing us out of our
reverie for a moment. I smiled to myself, he was always there... to take
care of everything and everyone.

"Yeah!, I mean, I got lost half an hour ago!" said AJ joking.

"Ok, lets settle for a while." We made our way towards the cushions. I sat
at one side of the couch, Kate took one of the armchairs, Nick sat on the
floor, by my legs but close enough to Kate. Now I was gonna ask him about
that soon. AJ chose the other armchair, with Howie on the floor, resting his
back in AJ's legs. For a moment I thought something was going on there, but
then AJ kicked Howie in the back, who just laughed and sited down again.
Just brotherly love, I realized. So there were only Brian and Kevin left to
take a sit. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Brian smile at Kevin and then
sat next to Nick on the floor, Kevin just let out a sight and sit next to me
on the couch. I looked over to Kate, who winked at me. God that girl never
learns, does she?.

"So what do we watch first?"

"Dunno... what about x-men?" answered Kate.

We all nodded at this and Nick stood up and popped the movie in the VCR. As
the movie began I started to check out the scenery before me. Kate was
mermecized on the movie, as usual. I would be also, but my new friends were
a mystery to me, and I was planning to solve it. Nick was paying attention
to the movie, although he was glancing over to Kate from time to time. Now I
was sure that Nick, at least, had a crush on Kate. I didn't know if Kate
returned the feelings, I did know that she had never been very fond of
blondes. Guess Nick could die his hair, right?. But, of course, I didn't
know that a thousand teeny boopers would kill me for that.

I looked to my right side, AJ was looking at the movie, but was playing with
his rings. I guess he did it subconsciously, I couldn't blame him, God knows
I've got my own habits. Howie wasn't leaning on AJ's legs, he was sited
indian style and had his elbow in his knees, resting his chin in his palms.
Brian, who had moved a little bit to my left, was glancing over at me from
time to time. I knew that because I could see his blue eyes from the corner
of mines. After a couple of minutes, he resume back to the movie. Now,
last... but not least was Kevin. I couldn't look at him that well because he
was sited right next to me, so it would look kinda suspicious. However
focusing on the tv enough I could see his reflection. He was gorgeous, that
was something I had realized as soon as I saw him. His sapphire eyes were so
beautiful, so deep, like you could really read him like a book if you just
took the time to see him. Really see him.

After my little 'investigation' I turned my attention back to the tv. But my
instinct told me otherwise and I glanced around over at Kate, she just
smiled at me and focused on the movie again. She had caught me looking at
Kevin!. Ok, now she knew me just too well.

About an hour and half the movie was over, it was really great. That I have
to accepted, after all it WAS X-men.

"It was great, don't ya think guys?" asked Howie, he had been really focus
on the movie. I could tell because his eyes never left the screen.

"Yeah, it was really good"

"Good?!, c'on Brian, even you can do it better than that!?" said Nick.

"Well, there weren't many known actors"

"So?. You don't need famous actors to have a good movie. Besides it did have
known actors, what about Patrick Steward and John Neville?" I've seen
Neville's work a couple of times, the ones I remember the most are of Well
Manicure Man, sorry, I just can't help it!.

"Well Manicure Man, right?"

"Yeah!." It was nice to know someone who was a true Phile, and not that
would say... 'I think I've seen him before', it truly unnerves me!.

"Matt's right B, there are great movies, because their actors are good, even
though they aren't known and that's how they reach a good name" said Kevin
with a calm voice.

"Guess I was wrong"

"It's ok, it's not like you're a critic or something, it's cool"

"What do we watch now?" asked AJ.

I looked over at the clock in the living room. It was 8.40 already!. "I
don't know you guys, but it's kinda late, wanna have something to eat?"

They checked their watches and realized it was indeed a little bit late.

"You're right, we should probably have dinner." Observed Kevin, he knew the
guys got impossible to handle if they didn't eat. "What do you wanna have?"

"PIZZA" yelled Brian and Nick at unison.

"Something different than that Nickolas?". Kevin knew Nick loved Pizza, but
having it almost on a daily basis was starting to get to his nerves, and he
didn't even want to think about his arteries.

"Pizza?" asked AJ with a smile.

"Well, who else wants pizza?" I didn't mind having pizza for dinner, God
knows how many times Kate and I have only had rice and a fried egg, since we
were either too tired too cook or weren't that hungry.

I looked around the room, Brian, Nick, AJ, Howie and Kate had raised their
hands, while Kevin was just shaking his head, disbelieving all of them could
want Pizza.

"Guess they win" I said to no one in particular, although I think I was,
subconsciously anyway, talking to Kevin.

"Ok, you can have pizza"

With that everyone started to cheer.

"But with one condition, you'll have salad as well" continued Kevin with a
stern tone.

"Hey!"

"Take it or leave it, it's you're choice"

The guys looked at each other, I'd say that it was a good deal. All the guys
nodded.

"Ok, Nick, order the pizza"

"Cool", with that Nick got out his cell phone and pressed a speed dial
button.

I looked over at him with a quizzical look.

"What?. I know we aren't here that much, but when we are, we have pizza
almost all the time"

I just shook my head at his antics. I looked over at Kevin, who was smiling
at him. I could tell that he cared a great deal for the guys, and toke
everything about them to the heart.

"Care to help me with the salad?"

He just nodded and we both made our way towards the kitchen. I guess the
rest of the guys didn't want anything to do with it, specially if they were
going to have to eat it with pizza.

As I started to take out the ingredients: lettuce, lots of it!, tomatoes,
cucumber and some carrots. I could see that Kevin was staring at me, I
turned around and smile at him, he smiled back, but then looked at the floor
and blush. He looked so cute when he blushed!.

'Oh my god!' thought Kevin 'ok, just breath, so what?, you were looking at
him, there's nothing wrong with that, you've checked out the guys before,
after all he's cute'. He sighted 'But you know that's not just that, is it?,
you know it's something more!' his mind told him.

"Do you think this will do?" I asked trying to change his mood, I didn't
want him to feel uncomfortable with me.

He looked over at what I was holding and nodded. "Maybe another lettuce, the
guys don't like it, but I do"

"Me too, sometimes Kate and I just have lettuce for dinner"

He started looking for a bowl, after he found one, which wasn't the one I
usually used for salad, he started looking for the cutting board.

"I got it" as I knew it was on the cupboard on my left, I stretched my arm
to open the cupboard. However Kevin was standing just too close to my left,
as I turned around to see him, I could feel his breath against my nose. We
were mere inches apart, if I moved just a little bit, I could pretty easily
kiss him. Time seemed to stand still, everything around us just disappeared.
The guys outside the kitchen, the noise from their talking, the fact that we
were supposed to be there making a salad. Everything just stopped, because
for just that moment, it was just Kevin and Matt. Two people with many
differences, but as well many similarities. The main one that in that exact
second we both wanted the same. He looked down at me, his piercing green
eyes full of surprise and expectation. I could tell he was looking at my
soul right through my black eyes. I didn't want that, I couldn't handle
someone so close, not only physically as he was right there, but also
mentally. Even though I so wanted to kiss him, to see how he tasted, to made
my dreams come true. I couldn't, not now, now there... maybe not even ever.
So I did what was the best for me, for both of us. I pulled apart and walked
around Kevin to get the cutting board.

As I stood on his left opening the cupboard I could hear him sight, but what
I didn't know was if it was a relieve sight or a regret sight. I couldn't
blame him, right now I didn't even know it myself.

I toke out the cutting board and move towards the island in the kitchen,
where I had left all the vegetables. I let out a sight, something was going
on with me. I knew it. But at the same time I didn't know it, I had never
felt like this.

'This is nothing, this is nothing' I kept repeating myself.

I've barely meet him, for Christ's sake!. Besides, only God knows if he's
gay... and even if he is, he wouldn't never feel the same way, he could have
anyone, why me?.

'Weren't you there!!!... he did, why else do you think he didn't move away!'
my mind screamed at me.

But, of course, what I didn't know was that Kevin was thinking pretty much
the same.

'It was a mistake, he did well on pulling apart. Then why do I feel like
something in me has left with him' he asked himself. 'You barely even know
him. Besides he's just a kid, he's 18 for God's sake!. You're about to turn
29; 11 years of difference. Also he's probably seeing Kate. He's not gay
Kevin, you better accept this now before you get yourself into something
that is not gonna have a happy ending'.

However, very deep inside him, he knew he was already there. He just
couldn't accept it, not yet.

Without another thought about it I moved towards the sink with the
vegetables and started washing them. I didn't want to turn, I knew that if I
did then I'll have to face Kevin and I sure wasn't ready yet. I kept washing
the vegetables, very carefully, wouldn't want them to be dirty, now would
I?.

'Yeah, right!' yelled my mind at me 'you just don't want to face the music,
so to speak!'.

It was right, I didn't know how I'd react seeing him again. As I was
thinking about just leaving the salad as it was so he would, I felt a
presence on my side. Instinctively I tensed up. I was sure it was him,
somehow I just KNEW it was him. His cologne filling my senses, I was about
just to drown on it!.

'Keep breathing... good, in... out' I had to repeat myself, didn't want to
choke there.

I saw him picking up the lettuce that I've already washed and moved towards
the island, then I heard him start cutting.

'Good, he's acting like nothing happened. Now, that's what you have to do' I
heard myself say. So I complied.

I finished washing the vegetables and left them by the cutting board, so he
could reach them when he was finished with whatever he was cutting at the
moment. I went towards another of the cupboards (we've got a lot of them,
what can I say!. Kate loves order: 'a place for everything and everything in
it's place') and got out the oil, some salt, pepper and lemon and placed
them on the other way of the island. I went over where he had left the
vegetables and put them on the bowl, then mixed them with the condiments.
When he finished with the tomatoes that were the last, he put them by my
side, then stood there. Now moving, not talking. Just there, looking at me.
I finished with the condiments and toke a bit of the salad.

Then, I did something I still can't believe I did!. I filled a fork with
some salad and held it out for him. He looked at me hesitatingly. I couldn't
blame him after what had just happened!. I held his gaze, not wanting to let
go, but at the same time needing to run away. I think he found whatever he
was looking for there because he bend forward and brought his lips to the
fork. I eased the fork inside, his narrow lips pressed tightly against the
cold metal of the fork. Quietly I breathed in, I was loosing myself in his
lips, so firm against the piece of cutlery. They were so tight and soft, who
would it be kissing him?, how would he tasted? I asked myself.

'Cut it out!' my mind yelled at me 'this isn't helping and you know'.

I was right, or at least my conscious was right. I couldn't keep doing this.
I'd end up hurt in the end when the time came to face reality. I let out the
breath that I was holding as he gazed upon me. His sapphire green eyes were
bottomless for me, I was lost in them, I could see...

Suddenly I pulled the fork out of his mouth and left it over the sink with a
loud 'plink'.

"Done" I said in a cold voice.

I toke the bowl and headed over to the living room. I could see Kevin
standing exactly where I had left him. I didn't turn around, I couldn't. I
knew I had to go on with my life, I had to pushed down whatever feelings I
was having for him. It was the best... Now, all I had to do was convince
myself.

*****

Kevin let out a sight as he saw Matt leaving the kitchen.

'Way to go Richardson. Now not only have you put yourself in two very
compromising positions, but you might have lost his friendship as well' he
thought. He just couldn't believe what had just happened, in less than 20
minutes they had been way too close for anyone's liking... twice.

He didn't blame Matt at all, after what had just happened, he probably
thought that Kevin was hitting on him. 'Ok, now just leave the kitchen and
act like nothing ever happened. He's probably telling Kate right now how you
were coming onto his boyfriend.'

With that clear in his mind, he toke a couple of breaths and resumed his way
towards the living room. He didn't know if he could face Matt right now,
however he just couldn't stay on the kitchen for the rest of the evening.
'It's either now or never' he thought 'but why can't it be the never?'

*****

I came in the living room and looked around. Kate and Nick were over the
couch chatting like school friends. 'I so need to talk with her!'. Howie,
Brian and AJ were over the armchair talking about god knows what.

"Here's the salad" my voice as steady as I could muster it.

"It was about time!" said Kate, her eyes asking a silent question. "I was
gonna go in there if you didn't come out soon"

"Sorry babe, but it took me long enough to find the vegetables. You didn't
go to the market, now did you?" I knew it wasn't the reason, but I had to
make up a story.

"Sweetie I'm sorry, I was gonna go before we got here from classes, but --"
Kate tried to finished, but I cut her in.

"It's ok love, just remind me of going tomorrow, k?" With a smile on her
face she nodded. I'd bet that she knew it wasn't the reason why it took me
this long, besides, we had just gotten to the market about two days ago. She
was just covering it up for me. Such a lovely girl.

After our little interaction, I didn't notice Brian looking over at the
kitchen door where stood a still dump founded Kevin, concern and questioning
on his blue eyes. Kevin realizing that his cousin had probably just read his
mind, he just held his gaze with the younger man, reassurance in his
piercing green eyes.

Slowly Kevin made his way towards his cousin and his other two band mates.

'Calm down Kevin, you were right. He is with Kate. See, you were just seeing
things you wanted to see' he told himself, however he knew it didn't help
the hurt in his heart. 'You ARE NOT in love with him, you barely know him
and he's just a kid, a college kid... but a great kid... STOP IT!' he
sighted, he knew it was gonna be a long night.

Meanwhile I went over where Kate and Nick where talking.

"What ya talking about?"

"Nothing in particular. Just about life in college and touring. Telling him
about our boring life."

"So, when is the pizza arriving?"

"They should be here any minute now. So, how's college?" he asked turning to
me.

I looked over at Kate and smiled. "Same old, same old. Studying and reading,
the usual. I bet your life is more interesting than ours"

"I wouldn't bet my money on that Matt. I mean, sure it's cool to perform and
I love it, but sometimes you just get kinda tired."

"It happens with everything. You may love what you do, but there comes a
point that just laying down and not thinking about anything isn't a bad
idea. However, you just have to keep up with whatever comes ahead of you.
Giving up is never the answer."

Somehow I just knew she wasn't talking about 'job' at the end of her small
speech. As I was about to say something, the doorbell rang. So I stood up
and went over the door. There stood a young kid, maybe a year older than me,
with 5 pizzas in his hand.

"Mr.-- " he said as he looked over at the bill "Matt Caldwell?"

"Yeah, that's me" I took over the pizzas. God, this guys were hungry!. I
motioned for Kate to come to help me, as she took over the pizzas I looked
at the kid. "How much?"

"77.50"

I looked in my walled and handed him a hundred bill. "Keep the change" I
thanked him and closed the door.

"You shouldn't have done that. We were planning to pay"

"It's cool, you guys get to pay next time". 'If there is a next time, after
what just happened with Kevin, I don't think he'd let them come over and
play' "What is it with the five pizzas guys!?"

"We're hungry. Besides, we're seven now" said AJ with a smile.

It was good that the guys thought of Kate and me as part of the group. I
moved towards the couch. "Are we eating here or in the dinning room?"

"Here is cool"

So with that, we all sat in the floor in a circle. Nick and Kate were at my
sides. Howie and AJ were by Nick's left, and Brian by Kate's right. Kevin,
well as you might have assumed by now was right in front of me.

We sat there and started to eat. Kate had gone and gotten us a couple of
cokes, not even bothering to ask about beers. Tomorrow it was working day,
so she thought it'd be safer just to have coke.

I stood up for a moment and walked towards the dinning room and retrieve
7salad plates and cutlery for it. I put some salad in each plate and handed
it over. I so didn't want to look at Kevin while eating the salad, I knew
that from this day on I wouldn't be able to have salad without remembering
that little incident.

"This salad it's pretty good"

"Yeah. Still, I don't know why we have to have salad. I'd rather just have
pizza" said Nick in a childish voice.

"Well, you have to put a balance between what you eat, don't ya think?"

"Yeah, I know. Kevin always makes us have salad. And I don't like lettuce!"

Despite myself I looked over at Kevin, we held each other's gaze for a
moment before he looked down and I turned towards Nick. "Lettuce is good for
you, you know" Hoping that my voice sounded calm and steady.

He smiled at me and continue eating. I finished the salad as quick as I
could and started with the pizza. I wasn't that hungry, but I thought if I
ate quicker, then maybe we'll watch the next movie and then call it a day.

"So, are you and Kate going out?" asked Brian with a very serious
expression.

Well, let me tell you that I almost choke on my coke!. I looked over at
Brian and could see that Kevin was shooting daggers with his eyes at Brian.
Whatever had happened, Brian was gonna have to face one hell of a mad
cousin.

"What?" Ok, it was pretty lame, but I was trying to come out of my shock!.

"I asked if you and Kate are going out" his eyes were cold, expressionless.

"Well, not that it is of any importance. But no, we're not going out" My
voice neutral. I didn't know why, but it had really bugged me him asking it.

"Why not?" asked Nick this time. I could tell that he was just being
inquisitive, while Brian was being hurtful.

"Yeah, you two seemed to be really in tune and everything. And you do act
like you're together" continued AJ.

"Well, we're just too close I think. We've known each other for just too
long, I don't think we could work out as a couple, we're great as friend,
but as a couple... I just don't think so" finished Kate.

Of course that wasn't the main reason, but I wasn't gonna tell them the
truth just yet!.

"I'm not looking for a relationship right now" It wasn't the whole truth,
but I was right in a way. "Studying medicine can really take all your time
away, I wouldn't have time for hi--" I almost choke!, I was about to say
'him' "that person. I don't think that's fair to the other part. I'm happy
as I am right now. Love relationships can wait" I finished with a smile.

Kate glared at me, she knew it was a lie. I did wanted a relationship,
someone to love me for who I was... to understand me and respect me. However
I knew that was kinda difficult to find, so I had made my mind and decided
that I wasn't gonna look for it. If I was meant to be with someone, I'd met
that 'someone' someday... and things would just happen.

"Besides" I turned around to see her "you just aren't my type darlin'"

She smacked me in the arm. "Keep that up and you'll have lunch alone
tomorrow"

A smile on my lips and my eyes sparkling with love, I continue. " 'That you
should know my heart, look into it; finding there the memory and experience
that belong to you -- that are you --' " It was a line from Memento Mori
that Scully had written in her journal for Mulder, it just seemed to fit in
the moment.

She gazed back at me, I could tell that line had touch her. She'd recognize
it anywhere. I've recited the whole passage from that ep. a thousand times,
but that line just held a special place in my heart. She knew that whatever
happened between us could be fix with words of love. Unspoken love
sometimes.

"You would make a cute couple, you know that"

"Yeah, both our parents have been trying to pair us up for sometime now. But
they are cool with our relationship as it is now."

After that we just continue eating, pretty much in silence. However Nick and
I would make a comment here and there about the 7th season and the change in
the interaction between Mulder and Scully.

"I do feel like they've change, you know. Rush proves it right, Scully did
looked jealous when Mulder looked over at Chastity"

"Yeah, I know what ya mean. It remained me so much of Syzygy" It was a
chapter when Scully had been all jealous, everything because of the
conjunction of the planets.

Nick laughed at the memory. " 'I just never thought your little feet could
reach the pedals' " Quoting a line from the episode.

"Yeah!, remember Scully's face when she told him: ' Well, you two seem to
have a certain...simpatico. I'm going back to Washington in the morning.'"

"Yeah, it was priceless!"

We kept talking about the best episodes when I saw that Brian and Kevin were
glazing over at me from time to time. I was starting to feel kinda
uncomfortable. I didn't want Kevin to be bothered but what almost happened
back in the kitchen.

Kevin sighted and looked down at his pizza, he wasn't that much hungry, he
had been full with the salad. 'The salad' he thought. He didn't want to
remember it, thinking about it would only make him feel worst. Someway,
somehow, he just couldn't forget the idea of Matt being so close to him. His
breath against his chin, the unbearable desire of just closing the little
space that lay between them. Wanting to feel his touch, his lips. Kevin
closed his eyes tightly, remembering it right there, with the guys around
him wasn't helping at all. He opened his eyes and looked over were Matt
stood, Nick next to him, the blonde's arm on the younger man's shoulder and
suddenly Kevin just wanted to take a swim against Nick. He knew his band
mate was just being friendly, talking about x-files probably, however it
didn't help the need to just touch him one more time. Even just once.

The dark haired man looked down at his pizza laying on a napkin, not wanting
to stain the floor with grease drops, he toke the slide of pizza and bit it.
He knew he should be enjoying it, since he didn't like the guys having pizza
for supper, he never had it either, so tonight he should be devouring it,
like the rest of the guys were doing. Once again he felt trapped, he didn't
want to be there right now, he wanted to be in his house, in his bed, where
he could have a drink and swallow in self pity for as long as he could
tolerate it. Besides that, tomorrow they were completely busy. He had some
meetings in the morning, he knew it'd take longer than planned, and in the
afternoon they had practice with Fatima. She had told them that the old
choreography just wasn't 'doing it' and she was planning on changing most of
the choreographs.... he was gonna die before learning them all, that he
knew.

'Just let this night get over with and I'll forever be grateful to you'
thought Kevin upon the heavens. 'Just let me arrive home without any
interruption or embarrassment of any sort'

I looked around the guys, the pizzas had been long ago gone, only one slice
stayed on one of the boxes, the one that was meant for Kate and I, we hadn't
eaten that much, I barely had 4 slices and Kate just 3. However Nick had
been eating most of mine and Kate's slice, taking a bit here and there. I
thought it'd been good to call it a day, I was sure the guys had stuff to do
and really didn't want to bother them.

I stood up and started picking up the empty boxes, Kate helping me with the
salad plates and empty coke cans.

"I'll help ya"

I turned around and looked at him. I had to accept it, he did looked
adorable with that boyish grin and golden hair. "it's ok" I just couldn't
help but smile at his good looks and still good manners. "I've got it".

Kate and I moved towards the kitchen and dumped the boxes and cans in the
waste basket and she put the plates in the washing machine. Turning around
she glared at me, her eyes full of concern. "We have to talk".

Damn!, I cursed myself. I didn't think I could deal with her inquisitive
mind just now, not even later. "Later"

"Sure, after they are gone" she looked at me thoughtfully, trying to see my
soul. After a minute her smile reappeared in her lips.

Sighting in relieve I moved towards the sink and splashed some water on my
face, then dry it with a washcloth. 'Just finish this night, and then, you
won't see them again.'

We walked out of the kitchen, my arm around her waist holding her close to
me... pretty territorial I guess. By the time we got to the living room the
guys had resume their positions for another movie. I scorted Kate to her sit
and then sat myself. I did notice that Kevin was as much on the other side
of the couch as he could muster, not wanting to be beside me. How could I
blame him after what had been going on. I was planning to trade sits with
Kate, but that'd be just too obvious.

"What do we watch now?"

I turned around and saw Kevin looking back at me, I could truly get lost in
his sapphire green eyes. He looked down and then turned to Howie.

"Maybe we should call it a day, it's... " he said as he looked down at his
watch "9.50. I'm sure you guys have got classes tomorrow morning and we've
imposed enough", turning around he glared at the guys, silently 'telling'
them to stand up and leave.

"It's ok, we don't have classes that early in the morning".

I didn't move nor said a thing, after all if they did wanted to watch
another movie, I wouldn't mind. I didn't want to screw everyone's fun just
because I was feeling awkward. I would just stay where I was and not talk at
all. Then they'll leave. Period.

"C'on Kevin, we don't have nothing in the morning. Let's just watch another
movie" said Nick with a smile.

"It's late"

"Nick's right, just another one, we'll leave as soon as it finishes" said
Brian looking at his older cousin straight in the eye.

Kevin sighted. He knew they were right, staying a little bit more wasn't
gonna hurt anyone, but he still didn't wanna stay. "Just one movie" he said
with his best fatherly tone.

"Yep!"

I just stood there in my sit, breathing as calmly as possible. 'Just an hour
and half' I told myself 'Deal with this and then just forget this ever
happened'

"Perfect Storm?" AJ asked.

The guys just nodded, he stood up and put the video in the VCR.

About 20 minutes in the movie I was lost. I wasn't paying much attention to
it. I had never been very fond of George Clooney and the situation just
didn't help at all. I sighted and just resume my duty watching the screen,
not really seeing what was going on. I just wanted this night to end. I
looked over at the clock, each second seemed to last hours. Sighting again I
close my eyes for a moment.

After an eternity, even thought it was only 1 hour and 33 minutes, the movie
ended. It was already 11.40pm and I was dying just for my bed. I stood up
and turned off the VCR and the Tv, the guys looked exhausted and doubted
that they didn't have anything to do tomorrow. I thought it was pointless,
after all I had 9am Chemistry 3 for 4 hours. If I could deal with that then
they could deal with whatever they had to do.

"I think NOW we can call it a day" said AJ standing up, helping Howie to his
feet as well, I could hear Howie popping his back.

"I'm too old for the floor, next time you take it J"

"C'on, you ain't that old, Kevin's old " he said smiling at his eldest
'brother'.

Kevin just turned around and glared at him, he wasn't in the mood for
anyone's jokes, and just by looking at them with 'that' look they knew
joking about him was out of the question.

"We had a great time Matt, Kate, thanks" said AJ with a killer smile.

"Sure, it was our pleasure"

"What about going out tomorrow?" asked Nick looking at Kate and me.

I looked over at her, pleading her to turn him down gently. I didn't know if
I could handle being with Kevin in the same room anytime soon.

Seeing our hesitation he continue. "Just the three of us. To catch up in
x-files"

I hold myself before letting out a sight of relieve. Smiling upon him I
answered. "Sure, I've been wanting to talk about the mythology arc with
someone for a long time already"

"Cool. What if you and Kate pick me up at the studio, we've got rehearsal
with our choreographer from 11am to 4.00pm, think you can make it?"

"Yeah, we'll be there"

Nick toke out a piece of paper and wrote the address and then handed it to
Kate. "Great see you tomorrow then"

With that we made our goodbyes, Kevin and I just nodding at each other.
After I closed the door I leaned upon it for support. "Thanks God"

"Now, are you gonna tell me what was that all about?"

I sighted like for the nth time that night. "Forget it, it was nothing"

"Nothing your blindness. Something happened"

"Look, I'm just too tired to talk about it right now. Tomorrow, I promise"

"Ok Matt, tomorrow you'll not be off the hook so easy"

"I know" I toke her hand and lead the way towards the room, after kissing
her goodnight in the forehead and moving towards my room. I just dumped
myself on the bed, glad I had make it through the night.

'Just forget it. Forget it'

*****

Kevin made his way towards his car, each one of the guys had gone their way
to their cars, wanting nothing else but their beds at the moment. He could
hear footsteps behind him. 'Just what I need' he thought sadly. 'Brian
following me'

Knowing it was only matter of minutes before his younger cousin approached
him, he decided to take the lead and he turned around to a very startled
Brian. "Save it ok. I'm not talking" and with that he turned around and got
into his car in one movement.

"Kevin--"

"No Brian. Period. See you tomorrow in practice" and with that he left.

Brian just sighted and walked towards his own car, he'd approach him later.

Kevin looked down the road, heading to his house by instinct. "It was
nothing" he said aloud. Wanting to believe it himself. "Nothing"

"Then why don't I feel like it?. Why do I want to see him and touch him...
and kiss--" his mind answered him back, he didn't even noticing he was
talking to himself aloud!.

"No!" he answered himself. "It's pointless, nothing good will come out of
this. Save yourself the pain Kevin"

He sighted. It was the best. "Forget it. Just forget it" he repeated
himself. 'Now, do I believe it myself?'

*****

WOW!, this one was a little bit longer, did ya like it?. I hope you did, it
took me quite a while to finish it. The UST wasn't even planned, it just
kinda wrote itself.

Ok, now just send me a post and tell me what you thought of it!. I need to
know if you people are liking it or not, otherwise I might just stop it all
at once. *evil grin*. You can always reach me at jmfluder@hotmail.com

Take care and investigate.

M. F. Luder