Date: Wed, 12 Jul 2000 15:30:14 EDT
From: DivaKitT@aol.com
Subject: Justin's Secrets chapter 9

    Disclaimer: blah blah, don't know *NSYNC. They aren't gay. If you don't
like homosexuality, get lost. If you are too young to be here, don't get
caught, and if you do, don't say I didn't warn you.
    Thanks and enjoy. DivaKitT@aol.com or DivaKitT@juno.com

		      *             *               *

    "What!? We done done it again!" Justin yelled, playing the imaginary
crowd.
    "Message . . . Oh!" Justin started laughing, stumbling back towards his
band mates. He always loved that part.
    "It's gravy baby," he growled sexily into his mic, pointing directly at
Angel who was sitting with their choreographer in the front row. She couldn't
help but laugh. It was funny to see the way Justin played the hoards of
teenage girls. In real life, he was nothing like he was on stage. Justin
could never . . . seduce a girl in real life the way he could on stage, and
like he'd want to.
    "Okay okay okay," JC laughed, grabbing Justin by the arm and pulling him
back to his place with the rest of the group.
    "Ah!" Justin squealed as he dropped to the ground among his friends,
ending their choreography for the song.
    "Great guys. Only three more songs and we can call it a show," Darren
hollered from the front row.
    "Can we have a break, Darren?" Justin whined. "I love you?!"
    Darren laughed as the guys stood up randomly. "Everyone but Justin can
have ten minutes," Darren stated.
    "Uh! But Darren--," Justin whined.
    "You were the only one complaining," Darren interrupted.
    "And I'm going to keep complaining," Justin grumbled plopping down in the
middle of the stage, dropping his chin into his hands. Justin stuck his
bottom lip out at their choreographer, giving him puppy dog eyes in a weak
attempt to get a break. Darren simply rolled his eyes and turned to
Angelique. "OH COME ON DARREN! THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!!" Justin yelled pulling
Darren's attention back to him. If he wasn't getting a break at least he was
going to get some attention.
    "Justin, get your tight ass off the ground. You know I'm just messing
with you, boy," Darren laughed. Justin perked up immediately, clambering up
to his feet and running off after the other guys with a loud whoop.
    Justin sashayed up and jumped onto Joey's back.
    "Hi, Joey!" he yelled happily.
    "Hi, Justin," Joey chuckled. He took a hold of Justin's legs, hiking him
up to a more comfortable place on his back. "How are ya?"
    "I'm great," Justin enthused. "How are you, Joey?!"
    "I'm okay, I miss Sam," Joey replied with a frown.
    "Why's that?"
    "Well, she's been working, and I haven't had a chance to see her in the
last few days," Joey informed his friend unhappily.
    "Oh . . . that's sad. You should call her," Justin advised innocently. He
hopped off Joey's back and skipped off to harass the other three guys. Joey
smiled at Justin. The younger boy's childish nature struck a chord in Joey.
Justin's honest opinion was so . . . naive and innocent, unsuspicious even.
It was nice to think that people like him still existed.
    "Hey Josh!" Justin called as he pranced up.
    "Hey what?" JC replied with a smile.
    "What are you doing?"
    "Nothing yet. Why?" JC responded.
    "You wanna play ball with me?" Justin asked, skipping along next to JC as
he walked.
    "Justin, we don't have a hoop," JC laughed.
    "So, we'll just practice then," Justin offered.
    JC shook his head and walked off, following Lance and Chris towards the
dressing room. Justin frowned, sticking his lower lip out in a sexy little
pout.
    "But Josh," he whined, "I wanna play witch you!"
    JC laughed, stopping in his tracks and turning to face his best friend.
    "Puh-leez?" Justin begged, clasping his hands together in front of his
chest.
    JC laughed again, shaking his head. Justin sighed, dropping his hands and
pouting at JC. JC turned away, chuckling to himself. Justin stood there for a
moment, contemplating his next move before grinning and taking off after his
friend.
    Running up behind JC, Justin lifted JC off his feet, tossing him over his
shoulder.
    "Put me down, Justin," JC laughed out.
    "But Josh, I want you to play with me," Justin replied spinning around in
circles. "Come on Josh, play with me," Justin begged.
    "Do I have a choice?" JC said as he felt Justin begin to stumble from
dizziness. "Don't you dare drop me, Justin Randall Timberlake," JC laughed.
Justin set JC on the ground, giggling. He stumbled around for a few seconds
before he started to tip over. He reached out and grabbed JC's arm in an
attempt to steady himself, but instead of holding Justin up, JC fell over as
well, the two of them sprawling out onto the floor in a giggling heap.
    "Hey, JC. Look, the sky is spinning," Justin snickered.
    "I know. I think I'm going to throw up," JC groaned.
    The two of them lay quietly on the ground tangled together, staring up at
the sky.
    "Hey, Josh," Justin said after a moment.
    "Yeah?" JC replied.
    Justin hesitated. He watched the clouds roll gently across the sky,
forming abstract patterns as they moved. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes
before speaking.
    "What do you think of me?" Justin asked quietly.
    JC rolled onto his side, looking at his best friend.
    "What do you mean, Curly?" JC replied, a little confused at the question.
    Justin sighed, rocking his foot back and forth thoughtfully, although it
was more so he could touch JC without making it obvious.
    "I mean, what do you think of me? As a person, or as a friend, or as a .
. . never mind. Forget I asked," Justin muttered. He moved to get up, but JC
placed a hand on his arm.
    "J . . ." he said. His eyes were pleading, begging Justin to just tell
him what was on his mind. Wondering if Lance's beliefs were more than simple
ideas. But Justin wasn't looking at him. He didn't trust himself to look at
JC. He was so close to breaking. Everything felt weird lately. He felt like
the world was pressuring him to tell his secret . . . and he was so close, so
close. But he wasn't ready . . . he just wasn't ready. Justin shook JC's hand
off his arm, climbing to his feet and running back towards the stage.
    JC watched him go before flopping down to the ground again. He knew there
was something wrong with Justin, something he was hiding, but was it what
Lance claimed it was? There was no way to know unless Justin told him. Would
it matter to him though? He hadn't ever thought of Justin in that way until
Lance had mentioned it to him. Sure they had always been playful almost to
the point of flirty . . . his thoughts were interrupted by a shadow blocking
his face from the sun. JC sighed, rolling his eyes without opening them.
    "You know I hate you, right?" JC remarked.
    "You hate me," Lance repeated, his voice mocking, "and why is that? Is it
because I told you the truth and it confused you? Is it because I made you
think about things that you didn't want to think about? Or is it because I
made you admit the truth?"
    JC sat up and turned to face Lance.
    "You are such an ass!" JC yelled taking umbrage at Lance's certainty.
    "You're just mad because I figured it out before you!" Lance laughed.
    "You don't know anything!" JC snorted.
    "So, then . . . tell me why you're so upset with me," Lance asked
quietly, raising an eyebrow.
    JC choked to find the words, but found himself speechless.
    "That's what I thought," Lance said softly. He stood up and walked off,
leaving JC still trying to find the right words.

   *                *               *

        "Thank you, Orlando!" Justin yelled into his mic, taking a bow.
"You've been great tonight." Justin smiled and waved as the other guys each
gave their own little "speeches." They walked towards the front of the stage,
grasped hands and took a bow. Justin was the first to run off stage, scooping
Josh out of Angelique's arms as he ran by her.
    "Hey Joshy!" he yelled to be heard over the crowd. "Did you have fun?"
    Josh shook his head wildly back and forth, causing Justin to frown.
    "Why not?" Justin asked giving Josh a sad look.
    "Is too loud!" Josh replied. Justin laughed. He tossed his little boy up
in the air, catching him as he came down. He continued to jog towards his
dressing room holding his son tight against his side. He knew he was being
followed closely by his friends, that was just the way it worked.
    Justin was the first one into the dressing room. He set Josh on the
makeup counter, and reached over to grab a towel. He wiped off his sweaty
face, then took a long swig of water.
    The rest of the group as well as Angel and Britney entered soon after
him, falling down in random spots around the room. Well . . . everyone except
for JC, he was up and bouncing still.
    "Maybe we should call you bounce, JC," Justin laughed.
    "Maybe," JC replied taking a drink of his water. "So, what are we gonna
do tonight guys?" The guys looked around at each other unsurely.
    "Hey, why don't we go out to a club," Britney suggested. "Remember we
were all gonna do that last week, but we couldn't."
    "Awesome," Lance piped up. "We haven't gone out all five of us in a long
time."
    "I can't go," Angel spoke up sadly. "We have to catch our plane in the
morning."
    "Oh shit, you guys leave tomorrow don't you?!" Chris exclaimed.
    "Chris!" Justin scolded. "Please don't curse in front of my son."
    "Oh, sorry," Chris blushed.
    "Anyhow, I'm going to go home and get to bed. Justin, I'll see you in the
morning. Our plane leaves at 11:45. We need to be there by 10 o'clock, if
that's okay," Angel said to Justin.
    Justin nodded. That meant he'd have to get up at . . . way too early.
    "Well, we're all going to miss you guys," Joey said getting up to give
Angelique a hug.
    "I'll miss you too. I'm glad I finally got to meet you all," Angel said.
    Everyone got up and said their good-byes to Angelique and Josh, although
Josh didn't really understand why he was getting so much attention. He sucked
it all up quite well though.
    "Well, Angel, I'll give you a ride home, if you want," Britney
volunteered tearily. "Sorry guys. I'd rather spend time with Angel tonight
than go out."
    "Don't worry about it, Britty," Lance told her with a smile, "we
understand."
     Angel reached out for Josh, signaling that it was time to go. He stood
up awkwardly on the counter and dove into her arms.
    "Joshua, you are getting so big," she laughed. "You know someday maman's
not going to be able to carry you anymore. You'll be as big as Justin." Josh
turned and grinned widely at Justin.
    "And just as cute too," Britney giggled pinching his cheeks. Josh
squealed and swatted her hands away. "You know, someday, you're going to want
girls to pinch your cheeks."
    "Yeah, just not those ones," Chris laughed.
    "Okay, we're going to get going," Angelique announced waving at everyone
and walking towards the door.
    "Wait!" Justin called out, running over to the door. He reached out and
gave Josh a tight hug and a quick peck on the lips. He ran a hand through the
little boy's curly hair before shooing the girls out the door and waving
good-bye.
    "Night Joshua," he smiled.
    "Night night, daddy," Joshua waved back over his mother's shoulder.
Justin turned around and was met with the teasing grins of his band mates.
    "What?!" he cried sheepishly.
    "Oh Justin's such a good daddy!" Chris cried. He ran over and threw his
arms around Justin's neck, attempting to give him a kiss. Justin ducked out
of Chris's grasp, hiding himself behind JC's thin frame.
    "Quit it, I ain't your daddy," Justin laughed.
    "That's not what you were sayin last night," Chris replied causing the
other guys to snicker. Justin laughed along, trying to think of a comeback at
the same time.
    "No, Chris you must have been hearing that through my walls," JC replied
with a laugh. Justin blushed fiercely now too shocked to even attempt a
comeback.
    "Okay, enough Justin bashing," he muttered walking away from the laughter
towards his bag. He grabbed his clothes and walked to the showers.
    The guys watched his receding form curiously.
    "What's wrong with him?" Joey asked quietly. Lance shrugged.
    "Maybe he's upset about Angel and Josh leaving. He's been really busy
this week, it wasn't much of a visit," Lance theorized. That wasn't his first
guess, but it was a close second. Joey seemed to buy the excuse as did Chris,
but not JC. He was shaking his head lightly, almost as if to clear his
thoughts. He had noticed how Justin was fine until it came to his comment. JC
turned and walked over to his bag. Grabbing a change of clothes, he headed
towards one of the free showers. He just hoped that whatever was wrong with
Justin would come out in the open soon.

  *             *               *

    The guys got to the club a little over two hours later, quickly splitting
up and going their separate ways. Joey, Chris, and JC headed out towards the
dance floor while, Lance and Justin went and sat in a booth, grabbing drinks
on their way.
    "Aren't you going to go dance, Curly?" Lance asked as Justin gulped down
his drink.
    "No," Justin replied shortly.
    "Well, what are you going to do?" Lance inquired.
    "Get shit-faced drunk," Justin informed him simply, finishing the last of
his drink. He waved over one of the waitresses. Placing his hand on her arm,
he pulled her down to eye level.
    "I want these to keep coming until one of my friends tells you to stop,"
Justin ordered.
    "Sto--" Lance began.
    "Except him," Justin interrupted. The waitress smiled and nodded, walking
back towards the bar to get Justin a new drink. Lance stared at his friend
for a moment.
    "Justin, why are you set on getting drunk?" Lance asked curiously.
    "Because I'm unhappy," Justin professed.
    "And why is that?" Lance pressed.
    "Fuck you, Lance. I'm so tired of you trying to understand me. You
obviously know exactly why I'm upset and you've known for the better part of
a week now. I just don't understand why you feel the need to confuse the hell
out of me," Justin snorted. He picked up the drink that the young blonde
waitress had set down. "And another thing is, I want you to stop talking to
Josh. Confusing us both is not helping either of us," Justin remarked before
finishing his drink in one swig. Lance sat silently, observing his friend.
    "Why haven't you said anything to the guys?" Lance asked. Justin sighed
and rolled his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but immediately closed it.
There was no reason to bite Lance's head off even if he was angry.
    "It's not that I didn't want you all to know, it's just that I thought if
you guys knew I was. . ." Lance nodded, letting Justin know he understood,
"then I was sure you'd figure out my other secret sooner or later. I wasn't
ready to admit it yet. I'm still not, but it's coming to the point now, where
I don't really have a choice . . . thanks to you." Justin picked up his new
drink and chugged it down as well.
    "Josh is bi, y'know," Lance stated watching his friend for a response.
Justin glared at Lance over the rim of his glass.
    "I hate you, you know that right?" Justin spat. Lance laughed.
    "JC told me that exact same thing yesterday," Lance laughed. Justin
simply glared at him some more.
    "Just go away," Justin muttered.
    "Fine," Lance replied still laughing, "I'll talk to you later. Have fun
getting shit-faced drunk."
    "Don't worry. I will," Justin mumbled. Justin dropped his chin into his
hands. Stupid Lance. Why did he always have to stick his nose in everyone's
business? It was his fault that everything was so screwed up. None of this
would be happening if he hadn't decided to 'understand' Justin. None of this
would even be happening, but no. No. Lance just had to get involved.
    "Fucker," Justin muttered, downing another drink.

 *              *               *

    It was an hour and a half later when Lance finally made his way over to
the guys on the dance floor. Chris was dancing with a cute redhead, so Lance
decided not to bother him. He turned to Joey and JC.
    "I'm gonna head home guys. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon at rehearsal,"
Lance said with a wave.
    "Okay, Scoop. We'll see you," Joey said slapping Lance on the arm in a
friendly way.
    "Hey Josh, lemme talk to you for a second," Lance requested pulling on
JC's arm. JC nodded and let Lance lead him off the floor. Finally, Lance
turned around and smiled at him.
    "Why don't you go drag Justin away from his alcohol and get him home,"
Lance suggested, motioning over his shoulder at Justin. JC laughed pitifully
and nodded.
    "I can't believe that kid," JC muttered. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow
Lansten." JC gave Lance a pat on the back and set out to deter the blonde
waitress. He grabbed her arm just before she reached the table.
    "I think I'm going to take him home," JC laughed. She nodded and smiled.
    "I thought he was about done. I'd be surprised if he can walk straight,"
she said. She turned and headed back to the bar.
    JC sat down at the table, throwing his arm around his friend.
    "Hey Curly, you havin' a good time?" JC asked.
    "No," Justin mumbled, "I'm not."
    "I'm gonna get you home, okay?" JC informed his friend. Justin lay his
head down on his hands with a shrug. JC stood up and pulled his friend to his
feet.
    "Come on, J," JC ordered. He led his friend out of the club, giving a
small wave to the waitress as he passed by her.
    "He's walking," she laughed.
    "Barely," JC replied.
    JC dragged Justin to his car, placing him in the front seat, and buckling
his seat belt for him. JC closed the door and climbed in on the driver's
side. Justin was asleep within five minutes, his head resting against the
cold glass at an awkward angle. JC smiled lovingly at his friend. Justin
could sleep just about anywhere.
    JC slowed down at a stop sign, glancing behind him, before shifting the
car to park. He wriggled out of his light jacket. Folding it up, he leaned
across Justin's body, placing the jacket beneath his head. It wasn't much,
but it was better than nothing. JC pulled his seat belt back on and continued
towards Justin's house. He didn't think about much on the way there. It was
late and it had been a busy night. JC just concentrated on getting there
safely.
    The guys pulled into the driveway not very much later. JC turned off the
car, leaning his head tiredly on the steering wheel. He looked over at his
best friend, sleeping comfortably in the uncomfortable position. JC grinned.
He climbed out of the car and walked around to the passenger side. He opened
the door slowly, catching Justin as he tipped over. JC stood there a moment,
just looking at Justin's sleeping face. Justin was adorable as he slept. He
wore a slight smile, his lips just barely turned up at corners. As JC watched
him, his eyes fluttered open, focusing sleepily on JC.
    "Hi Josh," Justin murmured. JC laughed.
    "Good, you're awake. Now, I won't have to carry you," JC chuckled.
    "Oh, you wouldn't carry me, Josh?" Justin asked with a pout.
    "You know I would," JC replied with a smile. "But I can't be carrying you
up those stairs all the time. You're heavy."
    "It'll be good for you. Make you strong," Justin said, climbing out of
the car, tripping into JC's waiting arms.
    "I think I can help you a little bit," JC laughed, wrapping an arm around
Justin's slim waist, and letting Justin's head rest lightly on his shoulder.
JC closed the car door and led his friend slowly into the house. He attempted
to keep Justin quiet as they passed the other bedrooms, but now that Justin
was awake (and still under the influence), he was not cooperating very well.
    "Hey, Josh, you know what?" Justin laughed loudly as they stumbled into
his bedroom.
    "What's that?" JC asked laughing along.
    "I have something for you," Justin pronounced.
    "Oh really," JC replied. He turned his friend around and pushed him
backwards intending for Justin to fall on the bed, giving JC access to his
shoes. There was no way Justin was going to be able to untie those in his
current condition. But Justin grabbed a hold of JC's sleeves, pulling him
down onto the bed as well. JC lay on top of his friend laughing. He propped
himself up on his arms, his face mere inches from Justin's.
    "Yeah," Justin stated, still giggling. "Angel wanted me to give it to
you."
    "That right?" JC asked.
    "Yeah. And so did Lance."
    "Okay, so what is this present?" JC asked. Justin grinned widely and then
it happened. He slipped his arms around JC's back, his free hand bringing
their faces together. Justin glanced into JC's eyes for only a moment, then
pressed their lips together. They were hesitant, their lips simply resting
against each other. Justin's eyes fluttered closed, savoring the feel of Josh
pressed so tightly against him. He sucked lightly on Josh's upper lip
caressing it with his tongue. And then . . . JC pulled away.
    JC scrambled up off his friend, taking a few steps backwards. His hand
came up to touch his lips gingerly, his eyes stared unfocused in shock. Oh my
God. Oh my God. Oh my God. What had just happened? Justin had kissed him . .
. kissed him.
    "Josh," Justin muttered softly.
    "Uh, um . . . I'll have to tell Angel thanks," JC mumbled, still staring
at the ground by the foot of the bed.
    "Josh! That was from me!" Justin yelled suddenly sober, his tone
startling JC back to reality. Justin sat up abruptly. "Do you know how long
I've wanted to do that?" JC shook his head dumbly. How long had Justin wanted
to do that?
    "Do you know what I feel for you, Josh?" Justin asked standing up and
taking a step towards his friend. "Do you know how much I need you? And how
much I care about you?" Justin inquired taking one final step and bringing
them nose to nose.
    "Do you know how much I want you, Joshua?" Justin said quietly. He
surveyed JC's face, looking from his wide eyes down to his full quivering
lips.
    "You're . . . you're drunk, Justin," JC's voice wavered as he spoke. "You
don't know what you're doing."
    "I'm not that drunk, Joshua," Justin assured him softly. Justin stared at
JC, trying to be rational and do the right thing. Let JC run away from him,
but the alcohol wouldn't let him think rationally. He only knew what he
wanted . . . and he wanted JC. He reached up and took Josh's face in his
hands. Licking his lips slowly, he leaned in to kiss JC once more.
    "Stop," JC cried as Justin's lips had almost reached his. Justin sighed
and pulled back.
    "What, Josh? What is wrong!?" Justin asked flinging his arms out to the
sides in defeat. "I don't understand, Josh. I don't. I know you're bi, Lance
told me. I'm gay, I'm sure you knew that, and if Lance didn't tell you, then
you know now. We flirt all the time. I don't see where the problem comes in,"
Justin ranted.
    JC shook his head back and forth unconsciously. It wasn't fair. It wasn't
fair of Justin to ask him for this. It wasn't fair of Justin to just dump all
this on him and expect him to know how to respond. He didn't know what he
wanted. Did he love Justin? Had they really been flirting all this time? It
had just felt natural to him to tease Justin and to be teased by Justin.
    "Just, I don't know what to say . . . or do. I can't . . . I just can't
do this," JC stuttered turning to leave the room. Justin swung out and
snagged his arm before he could get away. He pulled JC right up to his body,
holding both of his arms so he couldn't move away.
    "Why?" he demanded. "You tell me right now, why you can't love me? Tell
me why you can't love me!" Justin yelled shaking his best friend roughly.
    JC stared at his best friend's angry, hurt face. The features he so loved
consumed with anger and heartache. Why why why? Was there a reason? Yes. Was
there a good reason? He didn't know. He was scared. What if it didn't work,
they'd never have their friendship back. That was what JC treasured the most.
If he ever lost Justin's friendship, his companionship, he'd die. JC shook
his head and pulled his arms out of Justin's grasp.
    "I just can't," he whispered harshly. He turned and fled from the room,
nearly tripping over Angel in the hallway. She had been standing outside
Justin's door. He gave her a teary look before fleeing to his own room and
slamming the door behind him.
    Angel sighed. She walked into Justin's room and found him face down on
his bed.
    "Hi," she said softly.
    "I don't understand," Justin sobbed quietly.
    "Me either," Angelique sighed. She reached out and rubbed Justin's back
lightly. "Why don't you sleep on it? Maybe he'll come to his senses
tomorrow." Justin sat up and nodded. He wiped his eyes roughly, almost as a
child would, not wanting to think about his tears. He stripped down to his
shorts and climbed under the covers. It wasn't like she'd never seen him in
his shorts before. Angel leaned down and gave him a light kiss.
    "Bon nuit, mon petit ami," she said turning to go back to her own room.
    "Angel?" came Justin's soft voice.
    "What, Justin?" she replied leaning against the door frame.
    "Um, could you please stay with me tonight?" Justin asked quietly. Angel
smiled gently and nodded. She walked back over to the bed. Justin scooted
over and she climbed in, wrapping him up in a hug.
    "Go to sleep, okay, Justin?" she whispered, giving him a soft kiss on the
forehead. Justin nodded and curled up in Angel's arms, falling asleep almost
immediately.

		     *               *               *

    TBC . . . Please send questions and comments to DivaKitT@aol.com
By the way, sorry about the ever changing server. I've been on vacation and
my server has been working on and off. I've kind of had to switch back and
forth.