Date: Wed, 18 Apr 2001 05:36:57 -0400
From: Kris Eshleman <uninspired_teen@hotmail.com>
Subject: Lance Meets An Angel: Chapter Six
Disclaimer: I don't know whether or not Lance or NSYNC or anyone else in my
story is gay or bisexual, and I am not implying anything about the true
sexuality of the real people I am writing about... although... that would be
cool... anyway back to what I was saying...
If you aren't old enough to read this don't... If you don't like male/male
relationships you somehow ended up in the wrong place and should now leave
peacfully... Yeah I think that is all... on with the story
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Love, peace, pleasure, ache, longing, love again. Tiernan rolled
restlessly in his sleep. Five beats of emotion played across his unconscious
mind. There was Lance. Just beyond his site, something more than reality,
something less than real, but altogether enough for him. Some part of him,
the logical, slowly waking up part of him remembered the previous night.
Lance. he had held Lance. been held by Lance, and it was perfect. Lance had
kissed him, under the stars while dancing the young southern male he had
fallen so helplessly for kissed him.
The other part of him, the raging emotional love struck sleeping aspect
of his person reeled from the exchange that had taken place. He felt Lance's
hands on his side, felt his warm breath against his face, felt the strong
reassuring arms that wrapped around his body. Tiernan felt the sweet
tenderness of Lance's love, the longing in his chest that made it feel like
there were iron bands surrounding it, the mind splitting agony of the
beeping of the alarm clock.
The mind splitting agony of the beeping of the alarm clock?!
With a very unhappy grunt Tiernan slapped the alarm clock and
accidentally knocked it from its place on the dresser near his bed. He sat
up, stretched, and walked over to the window. Ignoring the face he was
wearing nothing but his black silk boxers he pushed open the window and
grinned in the sunlight that flooded in.
Oh yes, now that he was awake and fully remembering the previous night
he was very happy. He couldn't wait till the concert that night. He couldn't
wait to see Lance again. Some part of him wondered if Lance felt the same
way, but he didn't really dwell on it. Instead he grabbed a towel and headed
for the shower, smiling and starting to hum to himself along the way.
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Love, fear, longing, only three repeating beats played across Lance's
mind. It was an endless waltz he was afraid he could not dance for eternity.
He had been awake for quite awhile. He knew because he could see that the
sun had come out. He rolled over onto his side and starred out the window of
the hotel room. He was very much afraid. Mostly he was afraid that he would
be losing Tiernan. Lance wasn't stupid. He knew that he would have to go on
tour again soon, and after the concert the band would be leaving. That
scarred him the most. Leaving.. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to do
it. He had looked his entire life for someone that completed him. Someone
that could understand him and see into his soul.
Images filled his mind, mingled with sweet remembered sensations. The
feel of Tiernan in his arms. The pleasure of feeling the other's need to be
held, his own pleasure of being allowed to hold. No matter where his mind
turned, he couldn't escape Tiernan, with his cobalt blue eyes, and his sweet
angelic smile. In truth he wasn't looking for a way to escape Tiernan, he
was searching for the time before him. He tried to find what it was like
before he knew the enchanting Irish actor. It didn't matter where he looked,
there was nothing. Nothing except Tiernan, and the fire and passion and life
that he had breathed into Lance's life.
Lance didn't want anything else.
Then the alarm rang, and Lance decided he did want something else. He
wanted to stay with Tiernan. He wanted to do whatever he had to in order to
keep this wonderful being that had stepped into his life. Or rather whose
life he had stepped into Lance thought, grinning to himself.
Knowing he couldn't sleep any more the singer drug himself out of bed,
and pulled off his white t-shirt. Yawning he headed to the bathroom. He
knew he had to get ready, and was content to enter a hot shower, ready to
let his fears be temporarily forgotten under the massaging spray of water.
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Pain, betrayal, fear, displeasure, these were the things that held
dominion over JC's mind. He couldn't stop replaying the previous nights
events from his mind. He had confronted Tiernan, and the actor had told him
to speak with Lance if he wanted to know what was going on.
Could he do that?
His mind wandered as he sought the answer to his question. It sought
out times of joy and happiness. Times with Lance. Times when he felt like he
knew everything was right and everything was going to be fine.
He recalled one time during a dance practice wherein Lance had slipped
and fallen, and he had barely caught the other from behind. When he helped
Lance to his feet the Lance had blushed and smiled at him, before offering a
soft thank you. He had just smiled in response. Some how he had known that
was what Lance had wanted. Nothing more. nothing less.
Could he look into Lance's eyes, those emerald green eyes, and ask him
what had happened? Could he really face the answer if it was not the one he
wanted? Could he deal with that? Could he ever tell Lance how he truly felt?
He had all of these questions and none of the answers as he closed the
bathroom door. He had a long day ahead of him and he knew he needed the warm
shower to clear his mind.
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Confusion, angst, hurt. Justin knew these feelings well. He had an
entire night of wondering the streets to examine them. He had left the party
and walked the entire night away. His only company the voices of his mind
that argued with him at every turn. They laughed at his feelings for
Tiernan, they mocked him and told him that Tiernan was falling for Lance,
and that there was nothing he could do about it.
He knew there truly wasn't, but it didn't help ease the pain.
He wasn't sure when he had realized that he was developing a crush on
Tiernan, maybe the night at the club. Tiernan had been wearing that black
fishnet mesh shirt that showed off his body, and Justin had been instantly
drawn to Tiernan's appearance.
Wasn't there something beyond that though? Surely he couldn't be this
upset if it was merely a physical attraction. He had dealt with those in the
past. This was something different. something more painful to deal with.
He had thought that Tiernan shared the same feelings, he had been more
than willing to reciprocate the playful physicality that Justin had started
in the club. Then the next time he saw him he couldn't help but feel a
wariness. A distancing. Justin didn't hate Lance. He was hurt yes, that was
obvious to him, but he didn't know what to do. He knew that he should be
happy for the two of them, but he wasn't.
At the same time he wasn't looking forward to leaving Wilmington and
Tiernan behind. Regardless of the fact that he knew that Tiernan felt only
for Lance. Justin was relieved to see the sight of their hotel coming into
view. Fortunately there was no real mob of people out yet.
He couldn't wait to get inside, take off his tuxedo, and drown his pain in
the shower.
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Hunger. Yes that was all. Joey was hungry. He clicked off the alarm
clock and slowly got up out of bed. He yawned as he undressed and headed for
the shower, his thoughts were pretty much centered on getting something to
eat. It wasn't until he was almost done showering that he started to think
about the previous night.
He wondered what this new day held for all of them. He wondered if they
could all deal with it when it came. Mostly he hoped that they would all be
able to continue to be friends. Mixing love and friendship was really just
an invite to disaster.
Disaster was not what he wanted to face in the near future.
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Fatigue. Chris was all about being tired. His alarm clock went off and
signaled the start of a new day. It also signaled his return to
consciousness, and awareness of what he might have to face. As he sat up he
starred out the window for a few minutes before moving.
What was going on with everyone? When did he go tumbling down the
rabbit hole? Why did he suddenly feel that the family tree that was NSYNC
was brought up on bong water, and grew in a patch of shrooms. It was all
madness. Last time he had checked the social habits of his friends went
something like. Lance feel for the knew guy Tiernan, who had fallen for him
as well. Which would have all been copasetic with Chris except that he
happened to notice Justin drooling over Tiernan as well. As if that wasn't
enough, JC finally got his head out of his ass and realized something he
himself had figured out a long time ago, that he had feelings for Lance. And
Lance and Tiernan were so caught up in the newness of each other that they
didn't even know that this crazy soap opera drama was playing out all around
them. He had a bad feeling something screwy was going to happen, and a lot
of people were going to come out hurt.
"Fuck it all."
That was about all he could think of that summed up what he thought about
everything.
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The day was. interesting. at the very least. The guys from NSYNC had
met for breakfast, which held a lot of uncomfortable silences. Then they had
gone to a press conference, which aside from the talking of the media, and
the answering of redundant questions, was filled with a lot of uncomfortable
silences. Oh and not to forget the dance rehearsal before the concert.
It had started out okay, at least it did until Lance missed a few steps
and Justin started bitching about him keeping his mind on the group.
"Why don't you stop thinking of your new boyfriend for all of five minutes?"
Lance was taken aback by Justin's sudden outburst and felt his cheeks
burning with embarrassment.
"I-I'm sorry."
"Sorry isn't going to get your clumsy ass ready for tonight."
That was about the time that JC stepped in and pushed Justin back.
There was a definite rage simmering in his voice as he spoke.
"Shut up and leave him alone asshole! Lance doesn't have a boyfriend. His
mind is just elsewhere."
This was about the time that the choreographer called break, and Chris
led JC away, while Joey pulled Justin in the other direction. Which left
Lance alone in the practice room. He felt like crying but he refused to. He
was fucking up everything and he felt horrible. They had all worked really
hard and he was tossing all that away.
All he knew was that he needed to get away from everything, and that he
had to get his act together before the show. He just wished there was
something he could do so that he wouldn't have to leave Tiernan that night.
The night after they had expressed what they truly felt.
Slowly he walked up to stare at himself in the mirror. Quietly he
berated himself for thinking back on his own problems. He needed to get
ready for the concert, and he wasn't doing that by being selfish and
worrying about his own fears.
He owed the group something more than that. But he wondered if he owed
them what might turn out to be his one shot at happiness and a person who
loved him. Did he have to pay that price for the group? Could he pay that
price for them?..
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Completely oblivious to the drama that was being played out Tiernan
looked up at the concert hall. After standing in mute awe (which apparently
he was the only one who felt said form of awe because even if he wasn't mute
he wouldn't be able to hear himself over the din of teenage voices that was
storming all around him) he looked down at himself. He had tried to dress in
a sort of Pop Music uniform so that he could blend into the crowd. He was
wearing khaki cargo pants, and a blue sweater over a white muscle shirt. He
refused to call them wife beaters. that just sounded. bad. to him at least.
He grinned as people started to be allowed inside. He made his way to
where the seat that Lance arranged for him was. Front row and near the
center, off on the side that Lance had said "was his domain". Tiernan had no
problem with that. He liked all the guys, but he was mostly interested in
seeing Lance perform. He had never gotten to, had never thought about him
before Lance had walked into his hotel room.
As the lights dimmed Tiernan felt the spell that had ensnared so many
young teenagers fall over him. The concert began, and there was no way that
Tiernan could have put it into words if he tried. This was their No Strings
Attached Tour, and it was filled with pyrotechnic excitement and energy he
hadn't really thought possible.
The group was awesome, but to Tiernan, Lance was what was important. He
watched the blonde haired singer during each set almost exclusively. More
than once he wondered if Lance could see him with all the stage lights and
such flaring into his vision, and eventually decided that he could, because
more than once he could have sworn that Lance looked directly into his eyes
and winked at him, or smiled, or any myriad of small gestures that showed
him how much he cared.
Nothing awed him as much as when the guys took flight with the
harnesses. He stood mesmerized as he watched Lance gracefully travel above
him and the rest of the crowd. He looked absolutely wonderful, totally free
and happy. At the same time he looked partially withdrawn from what was
going on. No one else seemed to notice but him. Time slowed down and Tiernan
felt like he could see and hear everyone in the hall. A girl next to him
cried her unconditional love for Lance, and in the background two or three
others did the same. Why was it that only he could feel that something was
going wrong. Something was going very terribly wrong.
He thought that he had almost grasped it when he saw Lance right above
him again. So close that he could reach out and touch him if he wanted to.
Lance looked content. Like he was altogether pleased with what was going on.
Tiernan's mind was put at ease when he saw Lance's face, and he could have
swore that he mouthed something in between the lines of the song they were
singing.
'You are my angel'
Was that right? Did Lance just call him his angel? Tiernan didn't mind,
he thought it would sound wonderful to hear Lance say that to him. He
couldn't do anything but smile as Lance was drawn up and away from him, back
over the stage. He was so elated by the words that he was losing himself
again. The world still seemed slowed, so that he could pick out every
detail. He was so excited that he thought his heart was going to burst out
of his chest. Then quite suddenly his heart stopped when he saw something
happening. Something his mind didn't fully want to comprehend.
Lance's harness cords snapped. and Lance started to plummet toward the stage
that was far below him.
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That is all for Chapter Six, please email me with comments about what you
thought, and or suggestions for the upcoming chapters at
uninspired_teen@hotmail.com
Thxs everyone who has been so great a support to me, and I thank all the
people who have told me they nominated this story for one category or
another. That really means a lot to me.