Date: Sat, 20 Mar 2004 12:38:19 -0500
From: joey miller <pandora0071@lycos.com>
Subject: 'Learning how to Fly'    The Sequel II

LEARNING HOW TO FLY
The Sequel, Part II
~ Ask for Answers ~

Greetings, gentle Reader. I am back yet again with another installment of
the long-awaited Sequel. As always, comments, praise and criticism are
appreciated and should be sent to Pandora0071@Lycos.com.

Information: For the purpose of the story Brian is married to Leighanne,
but does not have a child with her.

Disclaimer: This story is purely fictional and in no way represents the
actual beliefs or sexualities of the celebrities mentioned.  If you are
underage or should not be reading gay slash-fic, it might be better if you
left now.

Enjoy!

***

"Get through this night
There are no second chances
This time I might
To ask the sea for answers

[ ... ]

This time I might
To ask the sea for answers
These bonds are shackle free
Wrapped in lust and lunacy
Tiny touch of jealousy
These bonds are shackle free

	(Lyrics from `Ask for Answers' by Placebo)


	Colin stared out the window long after he had lost sight of the
taxi that carried Nick to the airport. He had advised him to go, yes, but
only because he had felt he ought to. He still felt a silent rage toward
Brian for all that he had done and he was reluctant to send Nick into the
lion's den all alone. He was protective of his boyfriend, maybe too
protective. But from the very beginning he had taken on the role as the
elder, the mentor, the Protector and now he did not know how they should go
about changing their roles. He knew Nick was sometimes unsatisfied with
being treated like a child. He had grown immensely over the past few months
and had little in common with the scared young man Colin had met last
summer. But it seemed as though they were set in their ways now, their
relationship had become comfortable and predictable. Sometimes Colin became
afraid that they were heading for the quiet death of their relationship,
despite the fact that they still loved each other.

	The doorbell interrupted his musings and he left his post on the
windowsill with a small sigh. Opening the door, he came face-to-face with
an attractive stranger. She was no older than he, her pretty face framed by
long, dark curls that reached well past her shoulders. Her figure was
petite and short, but curvy in all the right places. She grinned, her eyes
sparkling as if she were cooking up some mischief.
	"Hi. I'm Heather." She introduced herself, holding out her
hand. Colin shook it, still looking puzzled.
	"I moved into the apartment right above yours yesterday, but the
heater still isn't working so there's no warm water and I have an audition
tonight ... I was wondering if I could take a quick shower at your place?"
Colin laughed.
	"Sure, come on in. I'm Colin, by the way. Nice to meet you." He
held the door open for her as she entered. In the hallway, they ran into
Jamie, who was getting ready to go out. He eyed the stranger.
	"And who might you be?" He asked.
	"This is Heather. She is taking a shower at our place because she
has no warm water."
	"Colin ... I always knew you had it in you. The second Nick is
gone, you invite beautiful young women over!" He smirked and managed to
duck out of the range of the scarf Colin had grabbed form the hook on the
wall. Turning to go he said
	"As long as you don't touch the Herbal Essences, you are welcome to
use the shower."
	"That's alright." Heather laughed, who had watched the exchanged
between the two friends with growing amusement. "I've brought my own
shampoo."

	Colin showed Heather into the bathroom, then settled at the kitchen
table with a cup of tea. Thoughts were still swirling madly in his
head. Only now did he realize that this was the first time he would be
separated from Nick for longer than a few hours. He felt irrationally
afraid of losing him, but at the same time a sense of freedom and
independence spread through him.  He tried to concentrate on his book but
was still staring at the pages blankly when Heather returned. She was
dressed in a tightly clinging black turtleneck and matching jeans now that
accentuated her figure, and trailing a wave of perfume behind her. Rubbing
her hair with a towel she leaned against the kitchen counter.
    "Thanks again. If I get the part, I am taking you out to dinner
tonight, because it will be all thanks to you." She promised. Colin looked
up.
    "That is really not necessary." He insisted, his eyes absentmindedly
staring into the air behind Heather. She frowned.
    "Is everything okay? I don't want to seem too inquisitive, but you look
worried." Colin shook his head as if to clear it of the fog and attempted a
weak smile.
    "I'm okay, really. And you should get going, unless you want to be late
for your audition."
    "Right." She grabbed her bag and headed for the door. Already in the
hallway, she turned around again.
    "On a second thought, I am taking you out to dinner either way. You
look like you could use someone to talk to, and I've always been good at
listening." Then she hurried down the stairs.

***

    "This is ridiculous." Nick announced. He looked over at Brian, whose
face remained unmoved. His eyes, hidden behind dark sunglasses, were fixed
on the road.
    "Dammit, you invited me here, now talk to me." Brian sighed.
    "Nick, I called you last night because I know we need to talk. I just
don't know where to start or what to say. I've been thinking a lot lately,
and there are so many things going on in my head that I am not sure about
anything anymore." Brian steered the black SUV on the exit ramp and turned
into a small side street. A few miles later he entered a quiet subdivision
and parked in the driveway of an inconspicuous looking Villa. They stayed
in the car for a few minutes, staring at the garage door.
    "Fair enough." Nick broke the silence. "I am willing to listen to
anything you have to say. But one hateful comment and I am back in New York
faster than you can say `homophobic'." Brian smiled.
    "Deal." Then he got out of the car and lead Nick inside the house.

    After dropping Nick's luggage off in the guestroom, they settled in the
kitchen. It was a comfortably large and bright space, but it looked as
though it had not been cleaned in a few days. Dirty dishes were stacked in
the sink, two half-unpacked grocery bags took up space on the counter,
coffee stains dotted the area around the coffee machine. Brian noticed
Nick's scrunched up nose as he surveyed the mess and grimaced.
    "It does not usually look like this." He explained. "But my wife is
... " he paused and looked to the floor. "... she's visiting a friend."
Nick was not about to buy that story but nodded nonetheless, dropping the
subject. He'd get an explanation sooner or later. Quietly he watched as
Brian cleared the grocery bags away, opened cabinets to produce plates and
silverware, white bread and the fixings for sandwiches.
    It had been a while since he had seen his former best friend, but he
had not changed much. Brian had grown his hair out a bit and tousled it
with gel, Nick noticed, and he had slacked off with working out. Though he
was still slim and naturally built, the hint of six-pack beneath the shirt
was not as defined as it had been in the previous summer. Musing over this,
Nick realized with horror that he was checking Brian out. He had never done
that before; it would have felt like checking out one's own brother. But
now there was a distance between them and assessing his friend's looks
seemed only natural to him. Mentally shooing away the unwelcome and
uncomfortable thoughts, Nick helped himself to some bread.

    "So." He said, anxious to get the conversation started.
    "So?" Brian replied, utterly at loss for words. He had wanted this
conversation. He knew that it was inevitable if he did not want to lose
Nick completely. But that was as far as he had gotten. How he was supposed
to reconcile the Doctrines he had grown up with and the sexuality of his
best friend, he had no idea. It seemed an impossible feat to him. But if
anything, he had begun to doubt the truth of something that taught him to
avoid a person he had loved for almost a decade, simply because of who he
wanted to sleep with.
    "You could start by telling me what you think of me now." Nick
suggested between mouthfuls of his sandwich. He had, he realized, resigned
himself to the situation. He could only leave with more than he had come
with, so he might as well give it a try. Sitting on stools on either side
of the counter, they were face to face, looking straight at each
other. Brian shifted under Nick's gaze. He felt as though his thoughts were
plainly exposed in his eyes, and he was not ready to share those thoughts
just yet.
	"I don't hate you Nick. I never have and you know that. But I can't
say that I understand how this all happened. I mean, you were straight
before, weren't you? When did that all change?" He looked genuinely
troubled and confused and Nick couldn't help but feel sorry for him. It had
been so easy for him to start hating Brian for his ignorance that he never
once tried to see things from his friend's point of view. He felt guilty
all of a sudden, but immediately scolded himself for it. It was not like
Brian had ever tired to see things through his eyes. They were both equally
responsible for this situation.
	"I have always been gay, Brian. I just didn't know. I always felt
like there was something missing and that I was just playing a part, but it
wasn't until about a year and a half ago that I noticed what was wrong with
me. And then things slowly started to come together and make sense, but at
the same time I began to feel detached and lost because even though my
sexuality felt natural to me, I knew that not everyone would understand
that. I was so frightened." His eyes grew clouded as he remembered the
emotional turmoil of that time.
	"So you're saying that anyone could be gay, and just not have
noticed?" Brian seemed anxious now, and it took Nick only a second to
realize where he was going with this. He laughed.
	"Don't tell me I caused you an identity crisis? Brian, please, you
are happily married, are you not? Or have you ever felt any sort of
attraction towards a guy?" He couldn't take it seriously. This was Brian,
after all. The straightest guy in the Universe! Brian sighed.
	"But that is the thing. The thought that I might be gay never
crossed my mind, so I never explored it. But ever since you came out, I
have been trying to figure out if I am really as straight as I have always
thought. I think that is part of the reason why I reacted the way that I
did. I just felt incredibly insecure. Like someone had just pulled out a
rug from beneath my feet." The grin vanished from Nick's face. This was no
joke. Brian meant every word he said! This was something Nick had not
expected at all. `If only we had been honest with each other from the
beginning', he thought.
	Before Nick got the chance to react, Brian got up and started
clearing the table.
	"I'd thought that we could maybe go out tonight, but it's rather
late and you must be tired. So how about we just check out if there's
anything worthwhile on TV?" He asked. Nick nodded.
	"Yeah, I really don't feel like going anywhere now. Sounds like a
plan."

***

	Colin had gone to bed early, but could not find sleep. Restlessly
he rolled from one side of the bed to the other. He felt lonely all by
himself in the big bed. It was only ten o'clock and the light from the
streetlamp flowed through the blinds in front of the window and illuminated
the room. He stared at the ceiling and contemplated getting up. The
decision was made for him when the doorbell rang. His first thought was
`Jamie'. But why would he be back so early from his visit to AJ? Then he
remembered his strange encounter from the afternoon and groaned. He did not
feel in the right shape to hang out with Heather. Or did he? Upon closely
examining his emotions, he noticed that he would very much like to spend
some time with this lively and positive young woman. Maybe she would lift
his spirits. At the very least she would provide a distraction. He got up,
changed back into jeans and T-shirt, and sprinted to the door.
	"Well, that took you forever." she said, grinning. Colin motioned
for her to come inside and she complied eagerly.
	"I take it you got the part?" he asked, following her to the
kitchen.
	"Yes. So we celebrated for a bit and it got rather late. I figured
you wouldn't really be up for going anywhere this late and decided to bring
Chinese take-out. You can never go wrong with that." As she spoke, she
produced three containers from her bag and placed them on the table, then
added little packets of soy sauce and chopsticks.
	"Sweet and sour chicken." She said, pointing at one
container. "This one has rice in it, and the other one is duck with
pineapples. I hope you can provide us with something to drink?" Colin
nodded. He had stayed silent so far, and he enjoyed Heathers good-natured
chattering. And since she did not seem to mind that she was leading the
conversation by herself, he continued to simply listen. They settled around
the table and ate, as Heather told him why she had moved, where she used to
live and what she was doing with her live. Her singsong voice lulled Colin
into a state resembling a stupor and it took him a while to find his
bearing when she came to a sudden halt. She looked at him questioningly.
	"Earth to Colin? I asked you why you seemed so upset this
afternoon." She repeated. Colin sighed. He had almost forgotten about the
current situation, and did not feel like pouring his heart out to a
complete stranger. So he forced a smile.
	"Oh, it was nothing. I'm alright, really. And I'm sorry I've been
letting you do the talking. I've just been doing a lot of work lately, and
I'm rather tired."
	"Should I leave and let you get some sleep?" Heather asked. But
Colin shook his head.
	"Nah. Let's take it to the living room, I'll get us some wine and
promise to be more talkative." She smiled and nodded
	"Alright."

***

	Nick had not realized how tired he was until they settled in the
living room and he was comfortably stretched out on the couch. Brian had
gotten stuck on Nick-at-Night after channel surfing for a while, and they
were watching reruns of I love Lucy. Nick tried to sort out his
conversation with Brian, but the thoughts blurred together in his head and
eventually he stopped fighting to keep his eyes open and dozed off.
	He did not know how long he had been asleep, but the first thing he
noticed upon waking up was that his head had come to rest on Brian's
shoulder and that Brian had snuggled close to him and fallen asleep as
well. Staying in this position he tried to assess the situation. They had
shared beds before, especially when he had been younger and gotten homesick
on tour. They were no strangers to getting touchy-feely with each
other. But this had a different vibe to it altogether and Nick wasn't sure
if this was good or bad. With his head clear again, Nick remembered what
Brian had said about not being sure what he felt for guys. A sudden urge to
move to the other end of the couch overcame him. He mentally compiled a
short list of reasons that could complicate their situation any more than
it was already, and getting intimate made number one. Gently he moved
Brians arm out of the way and Brian began to stir, waking up. He stretched
his arms and grinned at Nick.
	"Look! You drooled on my shirt." Nick, momentarily forgetting his
conflicting emotions of just a moment ago, smiled back and examined the
shirt.
	"Did not! It's just ... a shadow or something."
	"Nick, you always drool in your sleep." Brian assessed. Nick
grabbed a pillow and waved it threateningly at Brian.
	"Take that back or I won't hesitate to throw this at you." Ducking
out of the way, Brian reached for a pillow himself to hold it as a
shield. Abandoning his earlier strategy, Nick flung his pillow aside and
lunged at Brian, landing on top of him. For a fraction of a second, they
both stared at each other, breathing heavily. Then Brian lifted his head up
and kissed Nick.

***
	Maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was the depressing thoughts that
had been haunting Colin for most of the day, but either way he decided to
stop using his brain and just go with whatever happened. It had been clear
to him for some time that Heather was interested in him, and he had not
tried to explain the situation to her. Instead he flirted back and ignored
everything else. The strategy seemed to be working. He felt as though he
was flying, laughing at their good-natured banter, making ambiguous remarks
and seemingly accidentally touching her leg or hand when talking.
	He knew where things were going and he did not care because tonight
did not count, it was a stolen moment, something that would never come back
to him. It seemed natural to him that tonight would be the first time he
should sleep with a woman. He was frightened and excited and almost drunken
with his own daring and reckless behaviour. He knew there would be road
kill but for the moment he did not care. When she finally leaned in to kiss
him he enjoyed the alien sensation. It was not especially good, but it was
not bad and it would be an interesting experience.

***
	His first instinct was to pull back. But his body refused to obey,
his tongue eagerly playing with Brian's, his crotch rubbing up against his,
both getting hard. When Brian sank back to the couch it was only to regain
his breath for a moment. He looked up at Nick and saw the questions in his
eyes but just shook his head and put a finger on his lips.
	"Shhh." He whispered. Then he pulled Nick close again and they
kissed once more, this time more eager, hungry for each other in a way that
was beyond passion and desire. Their touching was a conversation on a
higher level, something that was beyond words and never meant to be put
into words. It was not about love or sex but about the most complex and
profound way to connect. The only way to get truly close.
	They paused long enough to take off their clothes with nimble
fingers, frantic movements. Nick placed kisses on Brian's chest, working
his way down, letting his tongue and lips explore every inch of the other's
body. Brian was leaning back on the couch, his eyes closed, his lips
slightly parted. A moan escaped him and Nick paused, like a sleepwalker
waking up from his trance. Again doubts and questions overcame him and
again Brian simply shook his head. Nick wanted to share this with Brian,
and he knew he was too far gone to pull back, but a nagging voice remained
in the back of his head until he dove back in and droned it out with the
sensations or Brian's warmth and scent and touch.
	Fumbling with the waistband of the jeans he opened them and pulled
them down, along with the boxers. Brian was big and hard and throbbing and
Nick almost gagged trying to take it all in. He teased the tip with his
tongue and his teeth, sucking and licking and biting gently. He could feel
Brian trembling beneath his touch and he could feel himself hovering on the
edge of climax. Passion rolled over them in waves and finally they came
together, lost in the intense heat of the moment, overcoming the walls that
had formed between them over the past months.

***

Yes. That's it for Part II.
* Someone* predicted this, but I am sure it was more wishful thinking than
cunning on his part. ;) 
Hope ya'll liked it and will stick around for the rest.
Take care
joey