Date: Mon, 13 Nov 2000 21:48:46 EST
From: WiteLiteLeo@aol.com
Subject: Let The Sun Fall Down 2

Sorry, they usually won't take this long to get out. But anyway, all the
usual stuff applies and I'm sure you know that I dunno Nsync and all that
good stuff. So, here's part 2.

Let The Sun Fall Down
Part 2

	"I know you think it's my fault... I can see it in your eyes. All I
can say is I'm sorry.  It wasn't suppose to be like this. It... wasn't
supposed to be this way." His voice was low...  too much crying had left
his whole head dry, his throat parched. The ears that listened to his
statement could only bring out a sigh.
	"I don't think it is your fault. If it is your fault, it is no more
yours than ours. None of us did what we should have, noticed the things he
tried to show us over and over again. And now, we all are the ones who have
to carry the burden now. It's not just you.  Besides, you can't change the
way you feel no more than he can." It had only been three days and it was
already getting too hard. What we they supposed to do if this lasted any
longer?
	"Yeah, who would have thought that boy, so full of live and energy
and poetry and soul could have been... he fooled all of us." The other
voice was low and deep, and held more sadness than the bass in his throat
could hide.
	"No," that same parched throat spoke once again. "He didn't fool
you guys. He had nothing to hide with you... nothing to fear from you. He
had everything to fear in me I guess." The tears that he thought couldn't
possible be left after he had cried so much already threatened him
again. That cold and heartless note in his hands still after these three
days hadn't help stop the free flowing river.
	"He didn't fear you... he feared losing you and, in turn, losing
himself." The words the oldest one spoke where wise, but why didn't they
help?

***

	"That went so good! You were awesome. I have never heard you sing
like that.  Even on MMC when you used to sing and I thought it was the best
I had ever heard, I had never heard anything like that before. It was the
best!" Justin was so happy. The auditions had gone great. It was getting
happier and happier by the minute that he had met that Chris
Kirkpatrick. JC sat beside Justin in the back seat blushing heavily while
Justin's mother, Lynn, drove them back home.
	"You were very good Joshua. Justin is right about that. You have
music in your soul." Lynn looked into the rearview mirror to smile at her
`two' boys. Josh had become part of the finally after Justin got on
MMC. From the very first day, Justin had introduced JC to his mother and
that was all she heard from then on. `Me and JC did this, JC took me here,
JC's gonna spend the night...' Lynn was glad her son had a best friend and
was even happier that he was back in her son's life. She definitely noticed
his absence from her son in more ways than one.
	"Thank you Justin. Thank you Lynn. I'm just glad that we both did
good and we have a real chance. I miss singing... I miss performing." JC
couldn't help but look at the young boy next to him. "I've missed
everything about MMC." JC's voice was soft and sincere and Justin knew
those words for him.
	"So, JC, what do you wanna do when we get home?" JC smiled. Justin
always had him doing something, and always was right there since JC was
staying with Lynn and her husband Paul for the three weeks he was down for
auditions.


	"His getting dressed right now. We went swimming." JC sat on the
couch in the living room by himself. He had just talked to his parents and
then Tony had called him.  He had been waiting for that all day.
	"Well, lucky you!" Tony said playfully. "It sounds like you are
just having a great time. I'm so happy for you." Tony's remark was meant as
sarcasm but there was a hint of something else. JC sighed.
	"Don't. You know how much I wanna be there. But we have the biggest
opportunity that we may ever have, I have got to see if I can do it. I have
to know if I'm good enough." JC pleaded in his voice for Tony to understand
this. He didn't want to lose him.
	"I know... and I'm glad you are there. You know I am. I just miss
you... I miss us.  It's kinda tough with you not being around after you
have been here my whole life. I just want to have you back." JC smiled.
	"Thanks. That means a lot to me. Don't worry, I'll be back in
another week and a half. I don't know what's going to happen though. I
think we have a really good shot at making it. We could really be in this
band." JC turned when he heard someone walking behind him. He saw Paul
coming in from work, passing the living room entrance on his way in.
	"Hey Joshua." He said walking into the kitchen.
	"Who was that?" Tony asked hearing the voice behind JC.
	"Oh, that was Paul. Justin's stepdad. He got back from work."
	"Oh, cool. So, everything seems to be going great." Tony's voice
got smaller as he said that and JC couldn't but feel bad.
	"Tony..." JC started.

	"Yeah mom. I just took one. I fixing to go tell JC it's his turn."
Justin had come into the kitchen after his shower for something to drink.
	"Justin, you are going to tell Josh, not fixing to tell Josh." Lynn
corrected her son's grammar as she cooked, her husband laughed at the
scolding behind his news paper.
	"So, how did the auditions go?" Justin heard his stepfather say to
his mother as he walked to find JC. He went straight to the living room
figuring that's certainly where he camped out.
	"Tony..." Justin stopped in the entrance as he heard that
name. `From MMC. I didn't know they still talked.' Justin leaned on the
door frame as he listened. He didn't think anything of eavesdropping. This
was his best friend talking to another one of their good friends. Right?
	"It will turn out all OK. I know it. It has got to.  You can at
least understand why I want this right?" Josh's voice was pleading and that
was not unnoticed by Justin.
	"Yeah, I know." Tony's voiced was muffled to Justin, but he could
make out a few words. "You have to know... but you know what?" His voice
was becoming harder for Justin to understand.
	"What?" JC sounded as though he might cry. `What's wrong?' Justin
was only fifteen, he hardly knew or understood everything about anyone,
even his family and certainly not his best friend, but he didn't even have
a clue to what was going on in the conversation he had been listing to.
	"I always thought you were more than good enough." With that, Tony
said his good-bye real quick and hung up, leaving JC Chasez, Joshua, to try
and figure out what had happened.
	"I love you too..." JC whispered the words that Tony had forgotten
to say, or choose not to after Tony had hung up. He had never heard those
words, but Justin had.  `Love... Tony and Josh... no. There is no way
that... he couldn't be.'
	"Hey Just. I didn't hear you standing there. Done already?" JC's
voice only cracked once and his eyes were hardly grazed over with the water
that could have flowed at anytime, had they been allowed. Justin's thoughts
were interrupted when JC spoke.
	"Oh yeah, I just... I just came to tell you that the shower is, um,
all yours you know." JC nodded as he headed up there.
	"Alright, I'll, um, be done before dinner. See you in a bit."
Justin could tell right then and there that what he had heard was what he
had thought. JC just went quietly up, no arguing, or trying to play around,
no upbeat tempo that always seemed to stay steady in JC's voice. He was, in
fact... gay.
	`I don't care about thing like that. I mean, it doesn't make a
difference. He is still Josh, my best friend. He is still the same person
that I showed my secret place to get away, the one that I confided in that
I didn't want Britney to kiss me, and the one that helped me first become
what I am today. Nothing has changed. Right? Right.'

***

Things used to be so simple,
And everything was clear.
But that was when I had you in my life
And now you are nowhere near.

I put the mask on for so long,
I would never let you know.
There was no way you'd understand
How much I love you so.

	JC closed his notebook that he had practically filled up the past
three days. His notebook had become his best friend that he told all his
secrets to. It was a compilation of songs, poems, and thoughts that to
Josh, at the time, seemed profound enough for him. It had been his friend,
Tony's, idea. Tony understood that JC kept a lot of things in.  He bottled
things up so much that sometimes, just sometimes, it was too much. JC used
to go into a dark room, put on one song... whatever was depressing enough
at the time, and just lay there. He slept occasionally, but for the most
part, he would juts think. He would come out all fine, but it would be a
couple of days.
	The notebook had helped, but not now. It served as only a reminder,
that things were really bad. No dark rooms, or songs, or notebooks, or even
finales could help him out of this one. He made one of the biggest mistakes
of his life, and he was stupid enough to think that it was the right thing.
	`How could he expect me to stay? He had not right to assume, to
just take for granted I would always be there, that my feelings would keep
me there like some statue, erected for his personal use. I have feelings, I
have cares. I have love, at least my idea of love, and that wasn't it. Not
in any form was that love. It was... what I knew, what I should have
expected... I had no right to want something different.'

***
TBC
So, you still like it? lol