Date: Wed, 16 Aug 2000 21:01:32 GMT
From: Elly Iles <uptowngurrl@hotmail.com>
Subject: Little White Lies - 2

Hiya, if you've got this far, you're lucky.  I'm always reluctant to let
others see my work, especially fanfiction, but I've posted some stories up
on my site that have seemed to go down well, so I figured I may as well
attempt a gay fanfiction, as it's something I've wanted to do for a while.
If you're after an N Sync story, well, stop reading now.  If you, for some
un-Godly reason, have a thing against Nick-friendly stories, stop reading
now.  My stories are always Nick friendly, and I feel that some perfectly
good stories written for Nifty have been let down because people have a
problem with Nick, and make him out to be a real bastard.  AJ as well.  And
occasionally Brian.  And Howie.  Oh, and Kevin. ?  So anyway, let's just
say this story is N Sync free and BSB friendly.  Thank you.

Disclaimer: Man, these things suck to write.  Okay, here's the deal.  Stop
reading if you're under eighteen, or it's illegal to view such material in
your area.  Not that there will be any sex, but hey, some people are just
plain prejudiced.  This story is not meant to imply anything about The
Backstreet Boys.  As far as I know, they're not gay, for which I'm
profoundly glad.  My million to one chance of marrying Nick would be out
the door if they were.  I'm just a sick little girlie, who makes up stuff
like this in my head.  None of it's true.  It's F-I-C-T-I-O-N, peeps.
You'd do well to remember that.

Little White Lies

Chapter 2

There's no easy way to tell one of your best friends you're in love with
them.  Even more so, when the afore mentioned friend is an innocent,
slightly immature, and naive member of the same sex.  Therefore, Kevin
decided he wouldn't tell Nick.

It was a conscious decision, and it didn't take a great deal of heartache
on Kevin's behalf to make it.  He didn't think ahead to the future.  The
future was uncertain, a world possibly outside The Backstreet Boys, where
he wouldn't have an excuse to see Nick's beautiful face everyday.  In the
future, Kevin realised there was a very real possibility that he would have
to tell Nick.  For now, however, he had to deal with the present.

One afternoon, almost a year after 'the basketball incident', as the guys
referred to it, Kevin found himself alone in a hotel with Nick.  Normally
this wasn't a strange occurrence, but today Kevin was unsettled.  As Nick
played Nintendo, propped up against the side of the bed, his eyes
fascinated with a game that Kevin was either too old, or too mature to
understand, Kevin watched Nick.  This was normally enough to unsettle him
alone, just being close to his first, and only true love.  However, what
made him more unsettled was the look of utter sadness in Nick's eyes.
Kevin drew his gaze away to stare at the computer screen.  He had no idea
what was happening in it, but he was pretty certain that the ugly car tyre
type things shouldn't be hitting the cute little animal type thing
excessively.  Nope, Nick wasn't concentrating.  Something was wrong.

"Nick?"  Kevin slid down so he was sitting next to him.  "What's up, kiddo?"
"Kev, you made me lose now."  Nick threw the controller down in disgust.
"I did?"  Kevin asked.
"Well, no, but I need to blame someone, cos it sure as hell can't be my crap
game
playing."
"So there is something up?"
"No."  Nick answered, too quickly.  Kevin gave him 'the look', as AJ called
it.  The one
that left even scary biker type men in dark alleyways trembling somewhat.
"Nicky."
"Maybe that's my problem."  Nick scowled.  "Right there.  That pathetic
name."
"I thought you liked being called Nicky."
"Do you like being called Kevvy?"
"Oh, I don't know."  Kevin raised his eyebrows.  "It's got a certain charm
to it."  He
looked over at the look of disbelief on Nick's face.  "Okay, no I don't."
"So why on earth would I like being called Nicky?"
"Ok, I won't call you Nicky."  Kevin held his hands up in mock-surrender.
"But that's
not all that's bothering you, is it?"
"Yes."  Nick stood up.  "That's all.  You don't need to worry."
"But I do worry."  Kevin stood up to face him.  He was always astounded at
how tall
Nick had grown.  They were eye-level now, which wasn't good news for Kevin
as it
meant that when they talked like this, he found himself getting lost in the
sheer blueness,
and intensity of his eyes.
"Kev, do you believe in soul mates?"  Nick asked.  Kevin almost fainted
through shock.
Yes, you idiot, he wanted to scream.  I'm standing right here.
"Of course I do."  He regained his composure.  "We all need something to
believe in."
"What if your soul mate was unattainable?  What if you never met them?  Or
worse, what
if you did, and you realised, but they didn't?"  God, is he trying to kill
me, Kevin
wondered briefly.
"You both know."  Kevin whispered.  "You might not at first, but you will
realise it
eventually."
"But you don't know for certain."  Nick shook his head.  "I mean, you say
that, but there
are so many people out there with wasted lives, married to real bastards, or
in abusive
relationships which they can't leave, and they never meet their soul mate."
"Hey, what brought all this on?"  Kevin asked.  "You're eighteen, Nick.  You
don't need
to worry about it yet."
"I'm not."  Nick answered indignantly.  "I was just being." He searched for
the right
word."
". "Hypothetical?"
"That's the one."  Nick smiled.  He walked into the bathroom.  Kevin looked
at the door
he had just shut, stunned.  What the hell was all that about?

***

It grew hard, keeping a secret so big to yourself.  Kevin debated telling
someone, one of the guys was the obvious option.  Who, though?  Brian was
the first one he thought of, but Kevin decided against it.  Something
inexplicable had happened between the two of them over the past year, that
only they seemed to realise.  They could no longer talk as cousins.  Their
relationship, to the casual observer, resembled that of business
associates.  Civil to one another, but not great friends.  If the others
realised, they didn't say anything.

Next his thoughts turned to Howie.  Howie was the best listener out of the
lot of them, and seemed the obvious choice.  Maybe in any other situation
he would have been, but due to the false accusations Howie had received
about being gay, he now felt uncomfortable talking about the matter.

AJ was the last, and probably best choice.  By no means the most obvious,
but Kevin was aware that there was a lot more to the designated 'freaky'
member than met the eye.  He was an excellent listener, and usually gave
out sound advice.  AJ it was then.

"AJ?"  Kevin turned to him on the plane flight to Orlando.  The others were
asleep, worn
out by the ever-hectic schedule.
"Yup?"
"I have to tell you something.  Something that's been eating away at me for
a while."
"Shoot."  AJ smiled warmly at him.  Kevin took a deep breath.
"Well, I guess I should start with the obvious thing."  He declared.  "I'm.
I'm gay."
"Oh."  AJ looked at him in amazement.  "Wow."
"Nobody else in the band knows.  Not even my family know."
"Well, you know, it doesn't change anything."
"I know, I know."  Kevin nodded.  "Really, I know if I was to tell all you
guys you'd be
fine with it.  I've given myself the 'you're still the same person talk' a
million times
already."
"So why don't you tell everyone?"
"Because." Kevin looked over to Nick who was sleeping peacefully in the isle
opposite.
His floppy blonde hair framed his prefect face as he lent to the side
slightly, leaning
towards Brian.
"What?"  AJ looked to where Kevin was looking.  "Nick's gay as well?"
"No."  Kevin sighed.  "That's just the problem."  He shut his eyes then
opened them to
look at AJ's expectant face.  "I'm in love with him, AJ."
The silence lasted a lifetime.  Finally AJ spoke.  "He's just a kid, Kev."
"Don't you think I know that?"  Kevin swallowed.  "I go to sleep telling
myself that
every night, but it doesn't work."
"Make it work then."  AJ sighed, realising how harsh he sounded.  "I'm
sorry, Kevin, it's
for your good as well as his.  You'll only end up hurting yourself, and
maybe him."
"I can't stop loving him AJ.  Just look at him."  Kevin felt tears spring to
his eyes.
"Everything about him is the reason I exist."
"I can't make you stop loving him."  AJ finally reasoned.  "And you can't
either, not
really."
"So what can I do?"
"Don't ever hurt him.  Don't ever play on his innocence."
"I wouldn't."  Kevin whispered.  "I love him too much."
"Good."  AJ nodded.  "Because if you do hurt him, you'll hate yourself for
the rest of
your life.  I don't know what you can do now, but I suggest you just try and
steer clear of
him, as least emotionally.  Try and meet someone else.  I don't know, just
try and be
happy."
"I haven't been happy for a long time."  Kevin confessed.  AJ clasped
Kevin's hand in his
own.
"You deserve to be, Kev.  Just don't go chasing impossible dreams."
"Thanks, AJ."
"Jeez, and they call you the dad of the band."  AJ smiled.  Kevin joined in.
  AJ's words
had comforted him, and he felt better, knowing he had a true friend.
However much
friends were important though, it was no substitute for the love he yearned.


Soppy, I know, but what do ya think?  I haven't even really started into
the main storyline yet, so just you wait.  It will hopefully be a real
tear-jerker.  Oh, and thank you to all the people who sent me e-mails
praising my first instalment.  Feedback if always welcome!