Date: Wed, 4 Oct 2000 00:13:36 -0700
From: Denzil Cuddy <D_Cuddy@email.msn.com>
Subject: Love and Longing with Nsync   Installment One

O.k. here we go.  This is my second attempt at a story.  I think my first
try was fairly successful, but I got tired of writing it, I kind of lost
interest in the story line.  Oh well, hopefully this won't happen again.
So enjoy.

As usual  I do not know any of the members of NSync, or any other famous
people that may find their way into this story line.  This is just pure
fiction, from my deranged, and bored mind.  I hope everyone enjoys it, and
does not take it seriously.  This is just for fun.  Oh, and if it is
illegal for you to read this, or you find homosexual themes offensive,
please don't read this story.   O.k. there enough of that crap, please
send feedback to me at    D_cuddy@msn.com     Thanks.


The sun is brilliant.  The sky is that flawless color blue, that only comes
around in the heat of the summer.  There are no clouds in sight, and I feel
relaxed.  I stare up at the ceiling of heaven through a rather expensive
pair of designer sunglasses, as the sun bakes me.  The hot air caresses me,
and I feel isolated.  I feel as if I am a world apart and all of the
worries and problems we carry with us through life have finally been shed
and left far behind.  I can not help but smile.

I hear someone yell and then there is a splash.  I wonder who got thrown,
or pushed into the pool.  I don't care enough to raise up and look.  I want
to go to sleep in the warm and comforting embrace of the sun.  I know,
however, that if I do I will have sunburn from hell.  I close my eyes for
just a moment though.  I must have been drifting off, as I jerk awake as
small drops of cold moisture rain down on my body.  I gasp and open my eyes
to stare up into the eyes of one of my best friends.

"Wake up sleepy head, the burgers are ready!"  Justin says as he shakes his
head.  This causes a new deluge of tiny cold droplets to attack my warm
skin.  I jump up as he runs toward the small group around the grill.

"Come on JC, hurry up, Joey is threatening to kill us all if we don't start
eating soon."  Chris yells as he holds up his plate.

I get up slowly stretching and taking my time.  I hear the groans from the
guys as I languidly make my way toward them.  Lynn starts passing out
burgers to the guys.  When I finally arrive there are none left.  I look in
shock at the empty grill and the chagrined expression on Justin's moms
face.  I sigh as I just pour a glass of diet coke and head toward the
table.  I sit next to Lance who is, as usual, dry from having not gone into
the pool.

"Here you go JC, I couldn't help but notice how Joey snuck an extra couple
of burgers so I thought I would grab you one while there were some."  Lance
says as he hands me the plate.  I smile as the smell of the grilled burger
assails my nostrils.

"Man, thanks, you are the best."  I say as I take the burger form him.

"I know, but it never hurts to be told."  He says as he bows his head to
say grace over his meal.  I notice he has forgotten his drink.  I jump up
and run to the cooler and pull out a nice cold can of Dr. Pepper his usual
drink and run back over to the table.  I sit it down beside his plate as he
opens his eyes.

"There, now I guess we are both great."  I say as I take a big bite out of
my burger.

"Hey, man, thanks.  I knew you were great long before that."  Lance says as
he starts to eat too.  We sit in companionable silence as we eat our food.
The other three guys are at the table out by the pool laughing and joking.
I am glad to be in the cool shade with Lance.  He is a very reassuring and
calming presence.

"Hey guys, Joey, Chris, and I are going to go clubbing tonight, do y'all
want to go?"  Justin says as he runs over and plops down on the empty bench
across form Lance and I.

"Nah, Justin, I don't think I want to.  I feel like catching a movie and
just chilling out at home."  I say before I take another bite out of my
burger.

"O.k. that's cool JC, have fun.  What about you Lance, you feel up to a
little partying?"  Justin asks as he wiggles his eyebrows.

"Nah, I'm with JC on this one.  Feel like just veging out at home in some
old sweats, watching a movie."  Lance says.  Justin just laughs and goes
running back over to the other three.

"Hey, Josh, why don't you come over to my place tonight.  You can spend the
night, we can order pizza watch a movie, it'll be fun.  Besides I have that
big ole house and it kind of creeps me out to be alone in it.  Isn't that
just sad."  Lance says blushing a little about being scared in his own
house.

"Sure, I'll come over.  I'll be over about six, is that cool.  I need to
run some errands, and I promised my folks I would give them a call some
time during the break.  So I'll just run home call them, and grab a change
of clothes."  I say maybe a little too enthusiastically.  To be perfectly
honest I was not looking forward to a night by myself either.  I just
didn't want to go clubbing and be surrounded by a mob of people like
Just. and the others.  It could be fun hanging with Lance.

"Sounds great Josh."  Lance says practically beaming.  "Well, I think I am
going to run.  I need to go home and clean a bit before I have company, and
I need to run a few errands myself.  I'll see ya tonight though."  With
that Lance stands and walks inside the house.  A few moments later I hear
his 4runner start up and pull out.

I walk over to the pool and stare into the sparkling blue water.  I watch
the sun dance on the tiny waves and I sigh.  Everything looks so perfect
and well defined.  I feel a little left out to be honest.  I'm not as quiet
and shy as Lance, but at the same time I do not enjoy the never ending
party that the other three seem to live in most of the time.  I am just me,
trying to make my way through life and be happy.  Trying to stay true to
myself, despite all the pressure I feel from the outside world, and my
friends.  The pressure I even feel from myself.  Sometimes it is hard to be
yourself, when you would just love to fit in for a change.  I gasp as
someone pushes me into the pool.

The cool water immediately assaults my warmth.  I rush to the surface,
wiping the water from my eyes.  Pulling in a long breath.  Just as Justin's
body collides with the water sending a wave right into my eyes.  I laugh as
we start to wrestle in the cool water.

"Where are Joey and Chris?"  I ask as we finally call a truce and just
float lazily on our backs.

"Oh, they had to go.  They are coming back later tonight to pick me up.
So, JC, what's up?"  Justin looks at me with those sparkling blue eyes and
I know that he has seen the distance between me and the group growing.  He
is observant I will give him that.

"Nothing really Justin.  Just a little introspective here lately.  You know
how I get sometimes.  It will pass, probably just jittery before the next
tour.  You know we only have about two weeks before we have to go back on
the road.  And I am a little lonely."  I say as a slight blush creeps onto
my face.

"Aww, man, how can you be lonely when you have the four of us constantly
around?"  Justin asks as he laughs his most infectious laugh.  I smile in
response.  "I know what you mean though, I miss Britney a LOT.  At least I
know that I have someone though.  We will find someone for you JC don't
worry.  Are you sure you just don't want to tell the other guys?"  There is
a moment of silence as I contemplate this.

"Yeah, for now I don't want to tell them.  Things are going so well for a
change.  I don't want to do anything to rock the boat.  I will tell them,
and probably soon, I just don't want to before the tour and all.  Too much
going on right now, no need to add to the mayhem."  I say as I pull myself
out of the water.  Justin follows suite and we are soon inside changing
clothes.

"I understand what you are saying JC, but if you wait for the perfect time
you will be waiting forever.  Do it when you are ready, but be ready soon.
It will be good for you.  Trust me."  Justin says as he pulls a dry tank
top on and walks out of the room.

When did he get so wise I ask myself, in the quiet which seems to just
follow me around.  I chuckle a bit as I pull my socks and shoes on and head
for the door.  I walk down to the kitchen to find Justin and his mom
talking quietly.  Justin is so different from his public personae.  He is a
kind loving generous normal teenager.  Thanks mostly to his mom, and I take
a little credit for it myself.  He and his mom are tight though, they share
everything.  He is a lot like her.

"JC, honey, do you want to stay the night?"  Lynn asks as I sit in the
barstool beside Justin.

"Nah, thanks though.  I am going to go over Lance's house and watch a
movie.  I'll probably just crash there.  I just didn't feel like going
clubbing with the wild three tonight."  I say as Justin smacks my arm for
calling him wild in front of his mom.

"Well, have fun JC, you too Justin.  I've got to run, but we all have to
sit down and have one of our old chats soon.  Justin, when is Britney
coming in?"  Lynn says as she slings her purse over her shoulder and heads
for the door.

"Next Monday mom, it's the 8:30 flight, and yes I will remember to pick her
up."  Just says a with a little annoyance in his voice.

"Don't worry Lynn, I'll help him to remember."  I say before Lynn can say
anything else.

"Thanks JC, love ya Justin, I'll see ya'll later."  She smiles as she takes
her leave.

"I've got to run too Justin.  I've got to run by the studio for an hour or
so to listen to some songs we may use on our next album.  You want to
come?"  I ask as I pick an apple out of the bowl of fruit on the bar and
take a big bite.

"Sure, let's go.  I can't stay long though have to get back and get ready
for tonight.  So, umm, what's up with you and Lance?"  The question catches
me by surprise as we walk out of the house and toward my green jeep
wrangler.

"What do you mean by that Justin??"  I ask when I finally recover my voice.

"Well, you two hang together a lot when we are on tour, and now you are
starting to hang out at home too.  While I know you're gay I'm only
speculating about our Lancey poo.  So, are you interested?"  Justin has a
smirk on his face and I can practically see his eyes sparkling through the
dark sunglasses.

"Well, he is cute, and we wouldn't have a problem with our schedules, but
do you really think he is gay?"  I am shocked by the question almost as
much as Justin is.  He had only been joking, but I was serious.

"JC, oh my god, I can not believe that you are interested in Lance.  That
is so cool.  Well, why don't you come out to him tonight and see what
happens.  You said you were waiting for a good time to tell people, well
here is the perfect time.  That would be so cool."  Justin is a bit over
eager for me to find someone.

Ever since he and Britney hooked up he has wanted me in a relationship as
well.  I don't know what it is about being in a relationship that warps
people.  They find happiness and they want everyone else to jump on the
bandwagon.  Not that I didn't want to be in a relationship, but he was
overly eager.  He is my best friend, and he wants to share everything,
including this.  How can you talk about being in love with someone who is
single?  It is a rather daunting task.

"Yoo hoo, JC, are you there?"  Justin yells as he snaps his fingers.

"Yeah, sorry Justin.  I was just thinking.  You are right I am going to
tell Lance tonight and see what happens.  Should prove interesting to say
the least.  Oh, wow, now I am getting my hopes all up.  Man I am going to
be crushed when he rejects me."  I say laughing but only half joking.

"Joshua Scott Chasez, you know he won't reject you.  Even if he is not gay
he will accept you for who you are and ya'll can be closer friends without
this lie between you.  It is a good step any way you look at it.  Maybe as
a bonus you will get a boyfriend out of it, maybe not."  Justin is smiling
this huge smile.  I feel myself smiling in response.  I am looking forward
to this.

We finally pull up to the Jive building, and quickly make our way into the
cool calm interior.  We walk down the hallways we know so well, I think I
have the floor plan of the entire building memorized.  We come to a little
studio tucked back into one of the far corners, and go in shutting the door
behind us.  I pull the tape out of a small stack on the counter top, and
put it in.

Gentle flowing chords fill the room.  The notes pull at the heartstrings
with such longing it is profound.  Even before the song begins I feel
myself captivated by the music.  I feel the world fill with wonder and joy.
Then a pure strong voice fills the room, with moving words and a beautiful
story.  I know I want to sing this song, I want to make it my own.  I look
over at Justin and he looks the way that I feel.  The song finally ends,
and I turn the power off of the control board.

"That, that was beautiful."  Justin finally manages.

"That was awesome, great!  We have to do that song, I will let the others
hear it later, but it is absolutely on the list.  Do you agree Justin?"
The enthusiasm I feel for that song is amazing.

"Yes, absolutely.  It is a great song.  Wow, I wish I could write like
that."  Justin says as he stands and stretches.

"You and me both.  We will get there some day Justin, just wait.  For now
we will just have to settle for singing them the way they deserve to be
sung.  Wow, I don't even want to hear anything else now, let's go.  Are you
ready?"  I ask.  I don't want to ruin the beauty of this son by listening
to the others.

"Yeah, let's go.  Can we swing by the store, I feel like spending some
money."  Justin smiles.  We laugh as we make our way out of the studio.

We made our way to the mall and managed not to get recognized.  That always
makes for a good mall trip.  We each spent far too much money, and I found
a nice outfit for my quasi date tonight.  I was really looking forward to
it, and only had about thirty minutes to get there.  I quickly got Justin
to his house.

"By man, have a great time.  Remember, don't do anything I would do.  Have
fun."  Justin says as he gets out of my jeep.

"Yeah, man.  You too.  I couldn't do anything you would, seeing as how
Britney is not going to be there."  I laugh a bit as he flips me off
through the glass.  We are both laughing as I take off out of the drive way
and head for Lances house.  I get there right at six, and go running up to
the door, bag of clothes in hand.  I also had a bottle of wine, and a
couple of horror movies I picked up at the mall.  The door opens and Lance
is standing there in a loose light blue t-shirt, and tight black pants.  He
looks hot.

"Hey, JC, right on time.  Come on in."  With that I walk into the house,
and what I hope is a great future.



Well, there it is part one, let me know what you think people.  I want
feedback.  I hope to hear from you soon, with good, or bad comments.  Let
me know.  Thanks.  DC