Date: Thu, 12 Oct 2000 13:52:05 -0700
From: Denzil Cuddy <D_Cuddy@email.msn.com>
Subject: Love and Longing Part Three

Well here, at last, is part three.  So far I am happy with the story and
would like to think everyone for their wonderful comments.  That's what
makes the whole thing worth while.  Well, I hope ya'll enjoy the story, and
I hope for more e-mail.

If you should not be reading this don't.  This story is purely a work of
fiction from my overworked imagination.  I do not know any member of Nsync,
or any other famous characters that may show up in my story.  If you don't
like homosexual themes, you should definitely not read this story.  Okay,
enough of that, on with the show!!!


The sunlight was assaulting my eyes.  I groan a little bit and raise my
head to look around the room.  The familiar warmth and weight of Lance is
still there.  I smile broadly as all of last evening comes flooding back to
me.  The light catches in Lance's hair in the most remarkable way.  I sit
in the early morning silence for several moments, just enjoying the warmth
and closeness of some one I love.  That's when nature knocks and I
frantically try to think of how to get off the couch, and out from under
Lance, with out waking him.

I finally just slide back and up over the arm of the couch.  I gently lower
Lance's head to the pillow I grab from the arm chair sitting conveniently
close.  I run up the stairs and to the bathroom.  I sigh loudly as I
finally make it there, and do my business.  I look at myself in the mirror,
and it only takes me a moment to decide that I need a shower.  I run to my
room and grab a change of clothes, and head back to the bathroom.

A good half hour later I emerge from the steam filled little room, and head
down stairs.  Lance is still gently snoring, and I quietly creep into the
kitchen.  I quickly search for the ingredients and start to make some
french toast.  Lance loves the stuff and it is one of the few things I
actually know how to make.  I gently hum as I do the happy home maker bit.
I am removing the last slice of toast from the pan when Lance finally makes
his entrance into the kitchen.

"Morning sleepy head!"  I say as head to the small table.

"G'morning."  He mumbles as he sits across the table from me at the plat I
have made for him.  He rubs his eyes and yawns.  He then looks at me with a
concerned face.  "JC, tell me that it wasn't a dream.  Tell me that we
are...well that we are dating."

He has a blush as he says this.  He looks so terrified.  I can completely
empathize though, I had felt the same uncertainty just a few moments
before.  I smiled a reassuring smile and reached across the table to take
his hand.  He smiles at my gesture and I can see the relief in his face.

"It was not a dream Lance.  Unless it was a dream we shared.  It was a long
night with confessions on both our parts, and yes we are dating.  At least
we had better be, that was the best thing that came out of last night."  I
give his hand a gentle squeeze and let go.

"Thank god!"  He says as he takes a big gulp of his orange juice.  "Well,
I'm gonna run up stairs and take a quick shower before I eat.  You can eat
without me if you want, and thanks for cooking.  It smells wonderful, but I
just feel all grungy."  He gives me one of those heart melting smiles as he
stands and head out of the kitchen.  I can not help but check out his butt
again as he goes.

"But you look so cute with your sleepy hair!"  I yell as he starts up the
stairs.

"Very funny!"  He laughs as he pauses on the second step.  "I know I look
horrible until I get a shower though so flattery will get you nothing in
this instance."  He disappears up the stairs as he says this.

I smile at take a bite of my meal as I listen to the silence.  I was just
losing myself in a daydream when the phone rang.  I jumped a little at the
sudden unexpected noise.  I had forgotten about the rest of the world with
all that was happening within these walls in the past few hours.  Sometimes
it is easy to lose yourself in a world of your own making.  Be prepared
however for the real world always finds a way to let itself into your world
of dreams and wishes.  I walk over to the phone, and pick up on the third
ring.

"Hello, Bass residence."  I say in the most polite voice I can muster.

"Hey JC, so how did last night go?"  Justin asks.  I can practically hear
the impish smile I know he is wearing.

"Great, had a great time.  Watched a couple of movies, picked up some hot
girls.  You know man the usual."  I can not help but chuckle at the
blatantly obvious lie.  Justin sighs loudly in impatience on the other end.

"Come on man, don't keep me in suspense!  You know I've got my hopes all up
for this whole Lance/JC thing."  Justin says pleadingly.  I know that I am
going to tell him so I decide to shorten his torture.

"Well, curly, I will just say that I am happy, for now.  We can meet for
lunch later, if you want, and discuss the whole thing.  Well that appease
you for now?"

"Sure I'll be home all day so just call me when you are ready to go eat.
I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing, see ya man."  With that
the phone clicks and I am alone in the kitchen again.

I walk back over to the table and sit down.  I am just about to tear into
my breakfast when Lance comes bounding back down the stairs.  His hair is
still damp, and he looks adorable.

"Hey, thanks for waiting!"  He says as he spots my still full plate.  He
sits in his chair and we stare at each other for a moment.  "So, who was on
the phone?"  He asks as he lifts the first forkful to his mouth.

"Oh, it was Justin wanting to know if I told you my big bad secret last
night."  I say as I attack my french toast.

"Justin knows about you?"  Lance asks, more than a little surprised.

"Yeah, Justin is my best friend in the whole world, and we share
everything.  He's known for a while now."  I say after taking a couple of
bites.  "He is the one who encouraged me to tell you last night.  He knew I
thought you were cute, sexy, intelligent, and oh so many more wonderful
attributes.  Which does bring up a good point, are you ready to tell the
others?"

Lance blushes immediately.  The crimson hue creeping onto his cheeks with a
remarkable speed, and an odd grace.  He looks slightly terrified.  I don't
know what to say to make him feel better, this is his and only his
decision.  I have decided that I am ready, but I will wait for Lance.

"Lance, if you are not ready, I understand.  I am ready to tell the others
now that I have found you, but if you are not we can wait.  I don't want
you to do anything you are not ready for."  He smiles as I say this.  "It
would make it a lot easier for you and I to be together while on tour if
they know though."

"Josh, I adore you.  Thank you so much for saying that you will wait if I
am not ready.  To be honest, I don't think I would ever truly be ready, but
I know I can deal with it if you are with me."  He smiles again, and my
heart does a little jump.  "We will tell them today.  I will call everyone
and tell them to come over for lunch, should be fun.  JC how do you think
Joey and Chris are going to handle the news?"

The concern is back in Lance's voice as he asks this question.  To be
honest I was feeling the exact same anxiety that he was.  I was not sure
how the other two were going to handle it, but there was only one way to
find out.

"I hope that they will take it in stride.  I am sure it will not bother
them, it may shock the hell out of them.  Then again, they may have
suspected for a little while now that one or both of us is gay.  We are,
after all, the ones who never bring girls back to the hotel rooms.  We know
that Justin is cool with it, so they won't be able to cause much trouble
even if they are unhappy with it."  I say as I stand and collect the empty
dishes from the table.

I walk over to the sink and place them gently down into it.  I look out the
window at the pool glistening like some rare and precious jewel in the
spacious back yard.  There is a gentle breeze blowing the trees and tell
shrubs gently about.  It all looks so peaceful, and the peace finds its way
to my troubled heart and soul.  We, Lance and I, are getting ready to take
a big step.

Lance's warm strong arms encircle me, his hands coming to rest on my
stomach.  His chin is on my shoulder, and I can feel his breath on my neck.
I lean back and we both sigh in this moment of perfect contentment.  Lance
places a gentle kiss on my neck and I get a chill down my spine.  I turn
around, still encircled by his arms, and face him.  He has a gentle sweet,
almost innocent smile on his face.  The twinkle in his eyes betrays the
smile, however.  I lean forward and our lips meet.  We stand for several
moments necking in his kitchen.  He finally pulls away, and looks at me
with those perfect green eyes.

"Wow, that is so amazing Josh.  I had better go call the others, do you
want to go for a swim?"

I sigh inwardly as I smile outwardly.  I want to grab him and throw him on
the kitchen table.  I want to show him just how much I love him.  I
promised I would wait though, and wait I shall.

"Sure, a swim sounds great, but you have to join me."  I say as I pull him
back to me and kiss him again.  After a moment I pull away.  "Well, I guess
I had better let you go call the others.  I don't have a swim suite with
me, is it o.k. with you if I just go in my boxer briefs?"

"Sure, you won't hear any complaints from me."  He says as reaches over and
plucks the phone off the wall.  "I'll be right out."  I hear him say as I
walk out the door and head for the pool.

The gentle heat of the Florida mid-morning hits me like a wall as I walk
out the back door.  I walk over to the small patio table and remove my
shirt and pants.  I look toward the window and see Lance looking out
smiling as he talks on the phone.  I smile back and do a little turn so he
can get a good view of the whole me.  He is laughing when I look back at
the window.  I laugh to as I run and dive into the cool water.  I come to
the surface and gently float on my back and stare up at the endless blue
sky.

A few white clouds go gently sailing in the vast ocean that sits placidly
above me.  I lose myself in the perfection of that infinite place.  The
clouds become things as my imagination kicks in.  One is a giant puffy
teddy bear, and to the left there is a dragon.  I smile as I remember
laying in the grass of my back yard when I was just a little boy and doing
this exact same thing.  Looking at clouds and making up stories for them.
There is no such thing as a simple inanimate object in my world.
Everything takes on some form of life, some attribute of me.

I watch soundlessly as the dragon and teddy bear slowly collide and lose
themselves in the ensuing madness.  The new creation is at first just a
blob sitting on the sky.  I watch as it swirls and forms itself.  I think
it looks like some insane rabbit as it goes gliding out of view behind the
large tree.  I chuckle as I submerge myself and sit for a moment on the
bottom of the pool.

I don't remember the first time I ever did this.  I have been doing if for
ages, just relaxing for a moment in the cool calm world that exist at the
bottom of every pool.  The water encases, and embraces you and you can
forget all of your troubles and worries for just a moment.  Then, of
course, you have to breath and go shooting back to the surface.  I realize
it is an odd thing to do, but I enjoy it.  I let myself float gently up to
the surface and take a deep breath.  That's when Lance dives into the pool
with a loud splash.

"Hey sexy, how did the phone calls go?"  I ask as he pops back above the
water just a couple of feet from me.

"Great they are all coming over at about two, which gives us four hours to
be alone.  I have to admit that I am nervous JC, but I am anxious at the
same time.  I want to do this, to be honest.  I think it will be more of a
relief than anything."  I swim over to Lance as he says this and pull him
into an embrace.  I kiss him passionately as we move toward the shallow end
of the pool.  "JC, I want you."  Lance says as he pulls slightly away and
looks into my eyes.

"Lance, are you sure?"  I know my eyes must have shown my surprise very
plainly.  "I can wait as long as you need me too."  Lance silences me with
a kiss that completely takes my breath away.

"I am sure JC.  I need and want this today, right now.  I have waited for
this day, for this moment quite long enough thank you.  If you are not
ready I understand, but I am."  He looks into my eyes and I am lost.

"I am ready Lance, I have wanted this for a while myself.  It should be a
learning experience for us both."  I smile as our lips meet once again and
we both give ourselves over to the desires and passions that we have been
suppressing for so long.  It is an amazing and wonderful feeling.



An hour later Lance and I sit tangled on one of the lounge chairs, under
the shade of a large tree.  Our clothing has long since been shed, and we
lie with nothing between us.  My hand is on the small of his back, and on
he is kissing me gently.  Finally he rolls over on his side and lays his
head down on my chest.  I stroke his slightly damp hair as pulls me tightly
against him.

"Josh, I think I love you."  He says without looking up at me.

My heart stops, and my mind goes mad.  My fingers still gently stroke his
soft hair.

"I love you too Lance."  I say as he looks up and smiles at me.  "I think I
have for some time, and everything is just working out so well.  I am glad
that we shared our first time together, it was amazing."  He sits up and
looks at me.  I blush slightly and sit up as well.

"You are beautiful Joshua Scott Chasez.  I am the happiest man on Earth
right now, and it is all because of you.  Thank you."  Lance says as he
leans forward and plants a little kiss on my lips.

"You can not be the happiest man, but we can be the happiest men."  I say
as I pull away slightly.  I look into those eyes that I can not get enough
of.  "We had better go in and get everything ready for our little lunch get
together."  We both stand and head into the house.  I grab our wet
underwear/swimsuits as we pass where we threw them just a little while
before.

"Lance, I am going to have to run to Justin's and grab some clothes.
Umm...should I bring some over?"  I ask as I feel myself blushing.

"Of course babe, do you want to just bring the all over?"  Lance asks with
a bit of an evil sparkle in his eyes.

"I would love too, but I think that would be a bit quick.  I will bring a
couple of changes though if that is cool with you."  I run back outside and
grab the pants and shirt that I had left on the patio table.  I quickly
slip them on and run back in the house and up to Lance's room.  "I will be
back in about an hour.  I love you."  I say as I give him a kiss.  He grabs
me and deepens the kiss.  He finally lets go and stands back.

"Hurry, I will miss you.  I love you too."  He says as he looks me right in
the eyes.  His voice is deep and husky, and clearly displays his love and
longing.  It is a voice that causes my heart to jump, and my spirit to
soar.  My hand rises of its own accord and cups the side of his face.  My
thumb gently caressing the smooth skin.

"James, you are my heart.  Ask me to move in again."  I say as I stare at
him.

"Josh, do you want to move in?  Do you think you can put up with me for
that long?"  He asks as a smile plays at the corners of his mouth.

"Yeah, Lance, I think I can handle that.  After lunch you and Justin and I
can all move my stuff over here.  I'll be back in just a few minutes,
Justin will probably just ride over with me."  With that I give him one
last kiss and head out of the house.



I pull up to the Timberlake house about half an hour later.  I park my jeep
and sit and think for just a moment.  A lot has happened in just the past
little while, and I am anxious to tell Justin.  At the same moment I have
this nervous twittering in my stomach, and I don't want to tell anyone.  I
sit for a few moments in complete indecision.  Finally I get out of the
jeep and walk up to the house.  I let myself in, long since having a key to
my erstwhile home.

"Lucy!  I'm home!"  I say loudly as I walk into the house.

"Hey, JC, come on upstairs!"  Justin's yells back.  I smile as Lynn waves
at me from the kitchen.

"Hey Lynn.  Did you have a good evening?"  I ask as I walk in to chat for a
minute.

"It was o.k. helping out some new clients at Jive.  So, how did your
evening go?"  She looks at me with such a smile that I know she can tell
just by looking at me.  My emotions are always in plain sight.

"Well, it went really well.  I think I am going to be moving my stuff over
to Lance's house.  It turns out that he was as interested in me as I was in
him.  Lynn, I am so happy!"  The goofy smile is plastered all over my face
again, and she just smiles and pats my hand.

"That's fine, JC, but know that you always have a home here.  I am glad for
both you and Lance, and I wish you both the best.  Keep your key, and know
that we all love you."  With that she pulls me into a hug and gives me a
big kiss.  I hug her back, and feel the sincerity of her words.

"Thank you Lynn, you have no idea how wonderful it is to know that.  Since
my own family no longer seems to want me, I am so grateful for you and your
family accepting me so completely.  I love you all."  I feel the tears
threatening and I quickly wipe at my eyes.

"Now JC, I'm telling you your parents will come around.  Just keep working
at it.  Now, honey don't cry!  The guys are over here all the time, so it's
not like you are moving to another country or something."  She pats my hand
and goes back to looking over some documents on the kitchen table.  "Now,
go upstairs before you get me started crying too.  Then you know Justin
will start, and god help us all when that happens."  We both chuckle as I
turn and head up the stairs to Justin's room.

"So, tell me everything!"  Justin yells as I walk in.  He is sitting in his
favorite chair, over by the window.  I can not help but smile at his
enthusiasm.

"Well, how about I tell you why you help me pack my stuff?"  I ask as I
turn and walk out of his room.  I hear him jump up and run after me.  He
spins me around and looks at me just as we enter my room.

"What do you mean pack your stuff?!  Where do you think you are going?"  I
can see the shock and just a little bit of hurt on his face.  I didn't
think he would take it too well.

"I am moving over to Lance's."  I say as he lets go of my shoulders and we
sit on the bed.  "He and I are dating, and he invited me to move over
there.  I accepted."

"Oh," Justin says "I see.  Man I am going to miss you.  You are like my
best friend and a brother all rolled into one.  I'm happy for you though,
don't doubt that."

I can see the tears in his eyes.  I have stayed here for so long, and
become such a part of the family.  I love them all, but I need to move on.
I need to grow as a person, and I think I can do that better at Lance' s
house.  I pull Justin into a hug, and he hugs me tightly.

"Don't worry Justin, we'll see each other all the time."  I rub his back
gently.  "You are always welcome over to Lance's house, and you and
Brit. can spend the night when she gets here.  Come on man, don't cry."

Justin laughs.  I feel mouth drop slightly open.  He is chuckling as he
throws me back on the bed and tickles me.  I laugh, and try to get away,
but he has taken me by surprise.  We wrestle around for a few moments,
before he finally stops.  He looks at me and laughs again, and I can not
help but laugh with him.  I just wish I knew what I was laughing at.

"It's cool, JC.  I will miss you and all, but I will deal.  Can Britney and
I really spend the night?"

"Sure man, just help get all this crap packed, and we will head over there
for lunch.  Chris and Joey are coming too, we are planning on telling
them."  I pull my suite cases our from under the bead, and begin to take my
clothes out of the closet.  Justin is soon helping me, if there is one
thing we have learned to do well over the years it is pack.

"So, ya'll made out last night?"  The question catches me by surprise, and
I can not help but blush.

"Yeah, how did you know?"  I ask.

"Well the big ole hickey on you neck was a dead give away."  He laughs as I
run over to the mirror and see the little red mark.  "And the big goofy
grin you get when you say Lance's name doesn't really help matters."

"Man, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I wanted to wait for just the right moment."  Justin is laughing and I
catch him by surprise.  I grab him and body slam him on the bed.  Then the
tickling starts.  He is laughing so hard he is crying, his face is red and
his nose is running when I finally stop.  "Better than a hickey!"  He
laughs as I start to get up.

I pin him again just as he starts to set up.  He grabs my hands thinking
that I am going to tickle him.  I quickly lean down and latch on to his
neck.  He yells and tries to get away, but I give him the hickey and sit up
laughing.

"Oh, man, why did you do that for?"  He asks as he runs over to the mirror
and looks at the very small hickey on his neck.

"So we would be even, and you wouldn't have anything to tease me about.
Besides it was kind of fun."  I laugh as I finish up with the closet and
start on the dresser.  Justin eventually comes over and finishes helping me
pack.

It is not long until the room is barren.  It is more than a little heart
wrenching to leave a place you have lived for so long.  I look at the wall,
blank now with all the pictures long since removed.  The closet with only
hangers.  All of my things are gone off the top of the dresser.  I remember
when I first came here all those years ago, and I feel a bit choked up.

"Are you o.k. JC??"  Justin asks as he lifts the first suite case.

"Yeah, you just have to promise to come and visit me as often as I come and
visit you."  I say as I swing one of the bags up over my shoulder and pick
up another.  It takes two trips to empty out the room, and I am feeling
better when the last of the bags are in the back of the jeep.

Justin and I walk into the house to tell Lynn where we are going.  She is
still at the table looking through documents.  She looks up as we walk in
and stands and walks over to us.  She pulls me into a hug.

"Oh, JC, I'm going to miss you.  It's like one of my own boys moving out."
She pulls back and gives me a good look as she holds on to my shoulders.
"Well, you are a man.  Take care of yourself, and of Lance.  I am glad that
you two are finally together."

She then pulls Justin into a hug and I can tell that they are sharing their
pain.  I hug them both.

"Well, you two had better get going.  I will see you when you get home
Justin.  By JC, I love you."  With that Justin and I walk out of the house,
and head to Lance's house.