Date: Sun, 19 Sep 1999 22:54:34 PDT
From: Jason Clarke <jaclarke@hotmail.com>
Subject: Loving Nick - Part 13

This story involves members of the bands Backstreet Boys and N'SYNC.  I am
in no way implying anything about the sexuality of any of their members.
This is purely a fictional story.  Enjoy!

This is my first attempt at writing a story like this so please bear with
me. Please send any comments and/or suggestions to jaclarke@hotmail.com
(ICQ #7964029)

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Loving Nick - Part 13

The doctor came rushing out of the room.  "I'm sorry, but we did all we
could.  He didn't make it..."

"NO!!!!!  NICK!!!  NO!!!!!" Lance yelled at the top of his lungs as his
world came crashing down.

"Lance, wake up!" JC said as he gently shook his friend.

Eventually, Lance opened his eyes, tears streaming down his face.

"It's okay, buddy, it was just a dream," JC said in a reassuring tone.

"But it was so real..." Lance muttered, still not able to distinguish
dreams from reality.

"I know, but everything's alright now," JC continued.  "Why don't I get you
something to eat?"

Lance shook his head.  "I'm not hungry, JC."

"But you've gotta eat something...you haven't had much to eat the last few
days."

"I'll be okay, JC," Lance whispered.  After a moment of silence, Lance
looked at JC, "It's been three days already, why hasn't Nick woken up yet?"

"I don't know, Lance, but you've gotta remain strong.  You can't give up
hope," JC reasoned.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"I've called you guys here to discuss a few things," Kevin began.  It has
been a few days and Nick was still in a coma.  Stories were running rampant
in the press and Kevin knew that some sort of public statement had to be
made.

"First, I think we need to make a public statement about Nick's condition.
I've read some of the stories out there and some of them are totally
outrageous.  So I've arranged for management to issue a statement on behalf
of us."

"That's a good idea," AJ replied.  "That should shoot down all those
ridiculous rumours out there."

"The second thing that I want to discuss," Kevin continued, "is the plans
for the current tour.  I was hoping to postpone indefinitely the rest of
the tour so that we can stay here and be with Nick."

"That's exactly what we were thinking," Howie said, "Nick needs us right
now."

Brian and AJ nodded in agreement.  "As for the rest of the tour, it will be
fine if you guys wanted to continue on your own," Brian said, looking at
the guys of NSYNC.  "We don't want to hold you guys back on account of us."

"No, we'll stay with you guys," JC answered.  "We've discussed this amongst
ourselves and we all agree that we want to be with Nick right now.  I know
we're in two different groups but to us, Nick is already like one of our
own."

Brian smiled in appreciation.  "Thanks guys, that'll mean a lot to Nick."

"And besides," JC said, smiling a bit, "Lance here will refuse to leave
this building until Nick wakes up."

"So it's all settled then," Kevin said, "I'll let management know of our
change of plans."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

As everyone continued chatting, the doctor and several nurses walked into
the room where the guys were talking.

"Well? Any progress?" Brian asked.  He had asked this question many times
the last few days and each time he got the same answer - no.

"Well, first the good news...Mr. Carter has finally regained consciousness.
He is awake and his life is no longer in danger."

Everyone hugged each other as they heard the news.  They had held a silent
vigil for several days and finally, Nick was out of danger.

"And now the not so good news," the doctor continued.  "We've confirmed
that Mr. Carter is experiencing a temporary paralysis of his lower body."

The smiles disappeared off everyone's faces as the doctor said this.  "What
do you mean temporary paralysis?" Joey asked.

"Well, I say temporary because Mr. Carter has a very good chance to make a
full recovery.  However, how long it will take will depend on his own will
power and a bit of luck.  It could take a week, a month, a year, or longer.
You guys will play an important role in his recovery process.  He needs as
much support as possible," the doctor answered.

"Does Nick know about this?" Chris asked.

"Yes, and that's what I was about to tell you," the doctor replied.
"Mr. Carter is in a very fragile emotional state now.  It is difficult at
first to come to terms with the fact of partial paralysis."

"Can we go and see him now?" Justin asked.

"Yes," the doctor replied.  "In fact, that is an excellent idea."

The guys gently opened the door to Nick's room.  As they walked in, they
saw Nick sitting in his bed, staring out the window.

"Hey, Nick, we're so glad you're okay," Brian said, trying to sound as
cheerful as possible.  "We've missed you."

Nick turned to face everyone and tried to force a weak smile.  He was pale
and his face was expressionless.  "Hi guys, how are you guys doing?"

"We're okay," JC answered, "and feeling much better now that you're awake."

"Thanks guys, for being here the last few days," Nick said, "the doctor
told me that you guys haven't left the building ever since I got here."

"Hey no problem, Nick," Howie answered, "we wanted to be here."

"Guys," Nick said in a serious tone, "I've decided to leave the group."

There was silence in the group.  "What do you mean you're leaving?" AJ
asked, not believing what he was hearing.  "What did we do wrong?"

"Nothing, you guys didn't do anything," Nick explained.  "It's not you
guys, it's me.  You can all see how I am now.  The Backstreet Boys don't
need to have a useless guy touring with them."

"Hey Nick, where's all this coming from?" Brian asked with genuine concern.
"Who said you are useless?"

"I can't walk, I always feel tired, and I don't think I'll ever be the same
Nick again.  I don't think having a guy wheeled around in a wheelchair is
going to be good publicity for the group."

"Well, we don't care, Nick," AJ stated in a firm tone.  "We're going to
stick with you until you recover.  You're not going to get rid of us so
easily."

"Don't be silly, guys.  You all have amazing careers ahead of you, don't
throw it all away because of me..." Nick said as he tried to choke back his
tears.

"Look Nick, you're never going to be useless," Kevin said.  "Either we tour
together or none of us will tour again."

"But..." Nick protested.

"No buts, Nick..." Kevin answered.

"Yeah, no arguing Nick.  Right now your job is to get well soon."

The guys left Nick's room to give him a chance to rest.  Lance, however,
wanted to stay with Nick.  After everyone else had left, Nick and Lance sat
in silence.  Finally, Lance decided to speak up.  "So, how are you
feeling?"

Nick looked out the window, not answering Lance's question.

Lance felt his heart sank at Nick's reaction.  Was Nick still angry at him?
Was there any chance for Nick to forgive him?  Did Nick hate him?  No, he
couldn't...after all, Nick risked his life to save him.  "Nick, please
don't do this to me..." Lance pleaded.  "I'm sorry for how I treated you,
I'm sorry..."

When Nick still didn't answer, Lance walked over to the other side of the
bed so that he could face Nick.  He was shocked to see tears streaming down
Nick's face.  Nick wasn't angry at Lance, he just didn't want Lance to see
him cry!!

"Oh Nick, I'm sorry I hurt you," Lance began.  "Please forgive..."

Before Lance could finish, Nick cut him off.  "I'm sorry Lance," Nick said
softly, his voice distorted by his sobs.  "I'm sorry I acted like such an
asshole the last little while.  You deserved better..."

"No, Nick...what I said and did to you was cruel...I deserved you being
angry at me."

"Oh I love you so much Lance..." Nick continued, "but it's all too late
now!!" Nick broke down in uncontrollable sobs, and Lance's heart ached at
seeing Nick's pain.

"No, it's not, Nick!!  We can start all over again," Lance replied.

"Lance, I'm no good for you," Nick answered, "you're so kind, so hot, so
talented...and I'm...I'm...I'm just a useless, handicapped guy now..."

"Don't say that," Lance said, now himself in tears.  "You're the most
loving person that I've ever met...and the doctor said that you will walk
again, you just have to believe in yourself."

"Yeah, but how long?  A year?  5 years?  10 years?  I don't want to have
you wait for me!!"

"I don't care!!" Lance said with confidence.  "I'll wait forever if I have
to, as long as I can be with you, I don't care about anything else!!"

Nick was clearly touched by Lance's words, but he was still hesitant.
"This is too unfair to you, Lance.  I don't deserve your love and
patience."

"Nick, you risked your life to save mine, and you're saying that you are
undeserving?  I'll give you all that I have...everything..."  With that,
Lance hugged Nick, both of them crying on each other's shoulders.  It felt
so good to hug Nick again, feeling him close.  "We're all here for you,
Nick."

"I know...and I won't let you guys down."

Lance smiled, and he kissed Nick lightly on the lips.  "I love you so much,
Nick."

"Not as much as I love you, Lansten," Nick said, smiling once again.  Then,
in a serious tone, Nick continued, "Lance, can I ask you to do something
for me?"

"Of course, Nick...anything!!!"

"It's about Justin..."

Lance's smile disappeared at the mention of Justin's name.  Despite his
feelings inside, Lance forced himself to listen to Nick's request.  "What
about Justin?"

"I know this is hard for you...but...can you please forgive him?" Nick
pleaded.  Lance could tell that this meant a lot to Nick.  When Lance
hesitated, Nick continued, "What Justin did was wrong, but he's truly sorry
for what he did..."

Lance looked at the floor, not knowing how to respond.

"He cares about you, Lance.  He really does.  You've known him longer than
I have, but I know he treats you like his best friend and you felt the same
way too.  I don't want you to lose Justin just because of one stupid thing
that he did."

"I guess you're right, Nick," Lance finally conceded.  "I've been too hard
on him."

"He's been really hard on himself ever since that night when you found out.
He's lost his self-confidence and he's lonely...he needs support right now,
to help him get back on his feet."

Lance looked at Nick in the eye and smiled.  "Like I said, you're the most
loving and kindest person in the world."

Nick smiled and blushed a bit.

"I have so much to learn from you, Nick," Lance continued.  "Would you mind
if I go out and talk with Justin for a bit?"

"That'd be great, Lance," Nick answered.  "This would mean a lot to me,
Lance.  Thank you!!"

"No prob, I think I will feel a lot better after I do this.  Thanks, Nick."

Lance walked down the hospital corridors hoping to find Justin.  After
several minutes, he found Justin sitting on a bench by himself, his head
buried in his hands.  Lance walked up quietly, sat down beside Justin, and
placed his hands on his shoulder.

Justin's head jerked up and as he saw Lance, he stood up quickly.  "Is Nick
alright?"

"Yes, he's doing much better now."

"That's good, I'm happy to hear that.  I'm just going to go see where the
other guys are."

"Justin..."

"I'm sorry, Lance, I'm sorry.  I know nothing I say will change what I've
done...but..."

"It's okay, Just.  Stop beating up on yourself.  I've actually come to
apologize."

"You don't need to apologize," Justin whispered.

Lance walked up to Justin.  "You didn't deserve the way I treated you.  I'm
sorry, Justin.  I was just so upset that I totally forgot about how you
felt."

"I'm sorry, Lance.  I never meant to hurt you or Nick."

"I know, Justin.  I don't want to lose you as my best friend.  Will you
forgive me?"

Instead of answering, Justin walked up and hugged Lance tightly.  "I've
missed you so much, Lance," Justin cried.

"I've missed you too, Just," Lance replied.  "Friends?"

"Best friends," Justin answered.

As Justin and Lance walked back towards Nick's room, both of them felt
indescribable happiness.  Little did they realize until now how much they
meant to each other.  As they got near Nick's room, they could hear a
racket coming from inside.  They found the door open and when they walked
inside, they saw a man talking loudly to Nick, JC, Brian, and Kevin.  The
man turned as he heard Justin and Lance coming in.

"Mr. Carter?" Justin said.


...to be continued....

Is Nick going to tell his father about him and Lance?  What will be his
reaction if he finds out that Nick is gay?

Please send any comments and/or suggestions to jaclarke@hotmail.com (ICQ
#7964029)