Date: Thu, 26 Aug 1999 10:58:31 PDT
From: Jason Clarke <jaclarke@hotmail.com>
Subject: Loving Nick - Part 3

This story involves members of the bands Backstreet Boys and N'SYNC.  I am
in no way implying anything about the sexuality of any of their members.
This is purely a fictional story.  Enjoy!

This is my first attempt at writing a story like this so please bear with
me. Please send any comments and/or suggestions to jaclarke@hotmail.com

			  * * * * * * * * * * * *

Loving Nick - Part 3

Brian walked up to Nick to hug him.  Nick could not believe his ears.  A
minute ago, they were talking about how good it felt to find out that Nick
was gay and now Brian has the nerve to pretend nothing had happened.

"Get the fuck off of me!!!" Nick yelled at Brian.  Brian looked at Nick in
shock and appeared to be hurt by Nick's outburst.

"What's wrong, baby?" Brian questioned.

"Don't give me any more of this crap, Brian," Nick yelled.  The whole room
was silent and everyone's attention focused on Nick and Brian.  "You think
this whole thing's pretty funny, don't you?"  Nick directed his accusations
at the entire room.  "I can't believe you guys would do this to me."  By
now, tears were streaming down Nick's face.  "You think I haven't read all
the tabloids and internet postings about me being gay??"  I've heard the
rumours and I seen people laugh at me, but never in my wildest dreams would
I expect you guys, my closest so-called friends, to join in on the fun."
Nick said all of this with bitterness and sarcasm.  He was harsh but he
didn't care.  That said, Nick fell on his knees and sobbed.

"Nick, we didn't mean to hurt you, it's just that you seemed worried about
something and we knew that we wouldn't be able to convince you to tell us,"
AJ explained.

Nick looked up at AJ with hatred in his eyes, an expression that AJ had
never seen in Nick before.  "And so you guys just decided to get me into
bed with Brian!!" Nick screamed at AJ like a wild animal on the loose.  He
directed his rage at everyone and anyone who tried to explain their way out
of this mess.

"We're so sorry, Nick," JC added.  He felt horrible that things had turned
out this way.  It wasn't his idea to use Brian as a bait to see what was on
Nick's mind, but he felt guilty nevertheless that he went along with it.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too," Nick stammered.  He got to his feet and looked
around at the room.  All of the guys in the room either stared at the floor
in shame or looked to Nick with pleading eyes, hoping for forgiveness.  "I
know that I never was right for you guys anyways.  All of you think of me
as the young, spoiled brat who would never grow up."  He stared directly at
Howie, who only looked to the floor realizing that Nick had overheard his
outburst in the breakfast room earlier in the week.  "I admit, I may not be
the most mature one of the group, but I'm not a toy for you guys to
experiment with.  I'm a human being with feelings too, you know.  Let me
tell you, NEVER in my life would I do anything to hurt any of you the way
you guys did to me!!" Nick screamed those last words at the entire group,
and it felt like a thousand daggers accompanied the outburst.  Nick was
filled with rage and hatred, yet at the same time, he felt like his whole
being was shattered.

Kevin got up from his seat and walked over to Nick.  "I know what we did
was wrong, Nick.  But believe me, we never meant to hurt..."

"Can it, Kevin.  Just stop.  I don't want to hear any more of your
explanations," Nick said through his sobs.  "I can't stand seeing any of
you!!"  That was Nick's last attack on the group before he stormed out of
the room in tears.  Brian got up to run after Nick but was stopped by both
JC and Kevin.

"Let me go!!  I have to go explain this to Nick," Brian pleaded.

"Nick needs time alone, Brian," Kevin suggested.  "You can explain to him
once he calms down a bit."

As Nick was running down the hall back to his room, Lance was getting off
the elevator.  He had just gone down to the lobby to get run a few errands
and was just coming up to join the rest of the guys.  Nick was sobbing so
hard that he didn't see Lance walking towards him.  In his tears, Nick
bumped into Lance and knocked him to the floor.  But Nick didn't care.  At
this minute, he couldn't care less if he ran into everyone in the world.
Nobody cared about him anyways, he thought.

Lance was a little disoriented after Nick knocked him to the ground.  All
he saw was a distraught Nick running towards his room in tears.  Finally,
Lance called out, "Are you alright, Nick?"  He didn't get an answer.
Seconds later, the door to Nick's room was slammed shut.  Lance was
confused, not knowing what was going on.  He finally got up and walked to
the room where the rest of the guys were meeting.  When he walked in, all
he saw was a totally silent room with all the guys either burying their
head in their hands or staring at the floor.  "Ahem...what exactly is going
on?" Lance did not direct the question at anyone in particular, but he
wanted answers.  The room remained silent and no one said a word.  "What is
going on here?  Why did Nick just run out of here in tears?"  Lance asked
the question with more force now.  He wanted to find out the real reason
behind Nick's condition.

Finally, the guys told Lance the entire story.  One by one, they told him
how they noticed that Nick was not being himself the last few days and how
they suspected that it was because he was gay and was afraid to say it to
the rest of the group.  They revealed how Howie and Justin came up with a
plan to get Brian to "trick" Nick into revealing his sexuality.  They
insisted that they only did this so that they could help Nick but did not
realize that Nick would take it so negatively.

After the guys told Lance everything, the room turned silent once again.
Lance could hardly believe what he had just heard.  He looked at the guys
in disbelief before saying very loudly, "What the HELL were you guys
thinking???  Are any of you sane in this group????"

Everyone was shocked by Lance's reaction, yet they realized the truth
behind his accusations.  The truth was that no one really thought the plan
through clearly before putting it into action.  In hindsight, they all
realized how stupid their plan was.

"I can't believe you guys would do this to Nick.  Do you realize how cruel
that was?  It's sick, you know.  Even doing it a stranger would have been
pathetic, but Nick's our friend, a close friend.  How could you guys do
this to him???"  With that, Lance left the room.  He could feel the anger
rising in him.  He still can't understand how eight adults (okay, Justin
really wasn't an adult but that's not the point) could simultaneously agree
to an idiotic plan and not see anything wrong with it.  Lance walked to
Nick's room and knocked lightly.  There was no answer but he heard sobs
coming from inside.  Lance knocked again.

"Leave me alone, I don't want to see any of you," Nick yelled.

"Nick, please.  It's Lance.  I need to talk with you," Lance replied.
"Please, I just want to talk."

There was no response.  Lance sighed.  This was going to be difficult, he
thought to himself.  As he turned to walk back to his room, Nick's door
opened.  "Come on in, Lance," Nick whispered.

Lance quietly walked into Nick's room.  He was shocked at Nick's
appearance.  The usually happy and carefree Nick nowhere to be found.  What
he saw almost made Lance gasp in disbelief.  Nick's hair was in a total
mess, his eyes were puffy from crying, and he could barely walk without
falling on the floor.  Lance helped Nick over to the bed.  "I'm so sorry,
Nick," Lance began.  "I don't even know what I can say to make you feel
better."

"You don't have to apologize, it's not your fault," Nick muttered.

Lance was confused.  He was expecting a verbal assault on him.  After all,
how could Nick know that Lance had no part in the guys' plan?  "What do you
mean I don't have to apologize?  I mean, what we did to you was
inexcusable."

"Don't draw yourself into this Lance," Nick continued, "I know you didn't
know about all of this beforehand."

"But...how?"

"You were pretty loud out there in the hall, you know.  This room's not
that far away," Nick explained.

Lance blushed in embarrassment.  He felt so foolish yet he admired Nick for
being able to stay so reasonable at a time like this.  Even if Nick started
yelling at him, he wouldn't have been angry.  After all, he felt partly
responsible for his band members playing this cruel trick on Nick.

"Are you going to be okay?" Lance finally managed to ask.  He was genuinely
concerned.  He had always gotten along with Nick.  When the other guys used
to make fun of Lance's horrible dancing, Nick would always encourage him
and defended him.  Now, he felt like the roles were being reversed and that
he needed to protect Nick.

Nick didn't answer.  He started sobbing again.  "They don't want me
anymore," was all Nick managed to say before collapsing in tears again.
"They don't want me..."

Lance was taken aback by Nick's condition.  He couldn't believe how
shattered Nick was.  He felt even angrier at the guys for doing what they
did.  "The guys love you, they'd never not want you.  What they did was
wrong, but they really do care for you."  Lance tried to sound confident
but deep down he was only hoping that he was right.

"No, they don't want me.  They said they are sick of putting up with me,
that I'm spoiled and immature.  I heard it with my very own ears..." Nick
stammered.

Lance did not know what to say.  He had no response to that.  The only
thing that he could do was offer his shoulder for Nick to cry on.

As Nick continued to sob, he kept muttering how no one wants him anymore.
Lance was heartbroken.  He couldn't stand the sight of Nick being so
distraught and upset.  It made him want to cry too, but he knew he
couldn't.  He had to be strong for Nick, especially at a time like this.

Then, without thinking, Lance pulled Nick up close and kissed him
passionately.  The few seconds of that kiss felt like heaven to Lance.  As
the kiss ended, however, all Lance saw was a look of shock of disbelief on
Nick's face.

Reality set in and Lance suddenly realized that he may have made a crucial
mistake...


...to be continued....

What was Lance thinking?  Now what should Nick do?

Please send any comments and/or suggestions to jaclarke@hotmail.com