Date: Tue, 16 Jan 2001 15:05:38 -0800 From: Mel Mac <vocal76@yahoo.com> Subject: Moving On Okay... so yeah... just had to write another JC/Justin fic since I'm such a crackhead and I can't get enough of my most two favorite people in the world... okay... not mostest favoritist but pretty darn close if you ask me... Evil Disclaimer: Nsync is mine! Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! Syke! Don't own em, don't know em, wish I knew which one is gay so I could hook up with them (please oh please oh please let JC be the gay one) <grin> but none of them are probably gay so sorry to break your hearts <sigh> and this is fiction, get it? F-I-C-T-I-O-N... which means its not real... only in my mind and those that share my wonderfully good brain (you know who you are) This is dedicated to that sister I wish I never had... um I mean... I always wish I had but never got because the parents took her back and got a refund (I don't sound bitter now do I?)... where was I? Oh yeah... to the sister I wish I never... um... its dedicated to you Ice =) Moving On ======================================================================= "Um... I think thats the last of it Lynn." He called out as he finished packing. JC finished taping up the last box. He bit the cap of the black permanent marker off, exposing the felt tip. He scribbled 'Justin's stuff' on the top and stared at the box silently. The room was empty now, everything packed up and ready to go. Two years, and he was going to move on. He looked over the now empty room and sighed. A noise from the hallway caught his attention. He whirled around half expecting to see a mop head with unruly curls smiling at him. Instead he found Lynn and the face she had always wore since... he didn't even want to think about it. "Are you sure you don't want the house? You don't have to move out, you know? You and Chris can have the house if you wanted it, its paid off Joshua." Lynn managed a smile. "Naw... too many memories... and like the doctors said, it was time to move on a long time ago... I'm sorry it took me so long Lynn." JC smiled at her and pulled her into a hug. "Joshua..." She held him at arms length and looked into his blue eyes searching for the need to be comforted in them. But she found strength. "You'll come visit us in Tennessee, won't you? The kids love you Joshua." She smiled at him and held him there, still staring into his blue eyes. "I will." He stated simply and smiled back at her. "I'm just gonna need some time to get my self settled into my apartment." JC leaned over and picked up the last box, the one he just labled. They walked down the stairs. Lynn turned and locked the house up. They stared at the front door one last time then made their way out to the moving truck. "Do you want me to go up to Tennessee and help unpack all this? I... I can still remember how he liked his room." JC asked, almost pleading with her. "No, its okay honey. I think it will be best if we put it all in storage. Its time for us all to move on, honey, as hard as its going to be." She actually managed a smile though her eyes said otherwise. "I miss him." JC broke down and cried in her arms. She sobbed quietly, sniffling here and there as she comforted him, hopefully for the last time because they were going to move on. It was decided. "I do too honey, but we have to learn to go on, we've waited too long, its what he would have wanted dear." She wiped the remaining tears from her eyes as they closed the back of the truck. She brushed his cheek lightly with the back of her hand then smiled. "You're welcome to come up anytime you want to, you don't even have to call." She smiled again and was happy to see him smile back. "I'm gonna have to take you up on that offer." He hugged her briefly then pulled away. "Whelp... you should be off, call my place when you get into Tennessee, okay?" He kissed her cheek and helped her into the truck. Paul was waiting inside. He gave him a silent nod and drove off. He stood there and watched them drive down the street and turn the corner. He turned back to look at the house one last time. "I'm gonna miss you." He waved at the house then walked to his jeep. He patted his pockets searching for his keys. "Shit... I hope I didn't pack them in that last box." He sat in his jeep thinking. "Maybe I dropped them in the house. I hope I can still get in." He walked to the front door and tried the nob. It turned and the door opened. He shrugged and walked inside then up the stairs to Justin's old room. "Fuck... where did I drop them then?" He scanned the room his eyes finally settling on something shiny just inside Justin's closet. "Did I go into Justin's closet?" He asked himself out loud as he walked over to pick up his keys. The ring snagged on the carpet pulling it up as he tugged. It was loose and the carpet lifted slightly. "Shit." He exclaimed as he tried to pat it back down. "No one's gonna want to buy a house with fucked up carpet." He kept trying but that far corner kept curling up. He reached for it and tried to curl it under. His hand slipped underneath into a hollow in the floor. His curiousity got the best of him and he peeled the carpet all the way back revealing a shoebox sized hole housing a stack of notebooks. He pulled them out and blew the dust off of them. They must have been sitting there for years. Property of Justin Randall Timberlake Read this and you WILL DIE!!!!!!!!!! "Cute." JC smiled. He kicked the carpet back down. Surprisingly the corner folded back down and laid flat as it settled back down. He sat with his back against the wall and opened the first notebook. It was a faded red and looked worn. -------------------------------------------------------------------- August 12, 1993 This is so cool. I'm actually on the Mickey Mouse Club! I couldn't shut up about it so my mom sent me to my room. She's so mean sometimes. But I had to tell someone and she won't let me use the phone either. So I have to write this. Its not the same though. And I met this really nice guy. His real name is Joshua but everyone calls him JC. And I just missed his birthday which was a few days ago. I'm going to ask mom if we can get him something since he's so cool. Mom is calling me to come down and eat dinner so I guess I better go. I'm going to ask her about the gift because JC is cool. -------------------------------------------------------------------- "I didn't know he kept a journal." He looked at the stack. "Well... a few journals." He glanced out the window and noticed the sun was going down. He didn't really want to end up being stuck in an empty house, all alone in the dark. He picked up the stack and his keys and made his way down the stairs. "I guess I'll just send these out to Lynn as soon as they arrive in Tennessee." He set the stack on his passenger seat and drove to his apartment. It was dark when he pulled up to his place. He grabbed the stack of notebooks and headed up the stairs. When he got in he set them on the coffee table and went to grab a bite to eat. The phone rang and he answered. "Hey babe everything okay over there?" It was Jordan, his fiance. They had met over a year ago when he had himself committed to St. Lukes for severe depression. And in another month they were to be married. Funny, two psychos getting married he always thought to himself. "Yeah, they're all packed up and headed to Tennessee, they left about an hour ago." JC smiled, he loved hearing her voice. It was the only thing that could really comfort him since Justin's passing. "I called to check on you. I wanted to make sure that you were okay honey." Her voice was reassuring and strong, another thing that he loved about her. "I'll be fine... it was just..." He paused to think a bit. "It was just weird having to do all of that." He finally admitted and giggled into the phone uneasily. They both remained silent for a while, neither sure of what to say. "So... how's your brother, Marc? Are you two enjoying California?" Her brother, adopted brother anyhow, had gone with her to California. "He's doing great. He says he misses you... and Oh my god... Mike proposed to him and they're gonna get married hopefully next year." Her happiness beamed over the phone causing himself to smile. "Tell him I miss him too and that I'd like to congratulate him. Are you bringing Mike back to Florida with you tonight?" He smiled. He knew they would end up married someday. "Our flight got delayed because of the rain. We're getting some really hideous weather out here. I'm sorry dear. We won't be able to fly out until tomorrow but I love you." She sounded almost child-like as she attempted to apologize. "Its okay hon, as long as you arrive here safe." He smiled and laid down on the couch. He fiddled with the antenna on the cordless as he talked. They talked for a few more minutes before hanging up. He set the cordless onto the coffee table and stared at the journals. "They're his damnit... you can't read that shit." He turned his back to the stack that glared at him from their place on the coffee table. "FUCK!!!!!!!! Alright! I'll fucking read you damnit!" He sat up and picked the first one back up. He laid back down on the couch and lit himself a cigarette, a habit he picked up at St. Lukes. --------------------------------------------------------------------- August 15, 1993 I gave Josh a really cool necklace my mom picked out. Its of his zodiac sign. He told me to call him Josh instead of JC when we're not on the set. He said its only for people that are really close to him. I like this guy he is so cool. And its only been a few days and he's already trusting me with his real name. He's so cool. I said that already but he is. He's so cool he's so cool he's so cool. But he is. He's funny too and he's goofy sometimes and he always has energy and he makes me smile. Okay, he's downstairs so I'm going to go because we're going to hang out today, just me and him and I don't want him coming up here laughing at me because I'm writing in this girly book. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Most of the entries were the same. Always recounting what they did on that day. Each entry always found some way to revolve around him. The first three were all accounts of what happened during their MMC days. They had been best friends, even since then. He opened the blue one. It started with an entry from their first tour in Europe. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- May 22, 1995 I'm so mad. I haven't written here in a long time. We're somewhere in Berlin or on the way to Berlin or something. I hate Joey. I fucking hate him with a passion. He wanted to pick up on girls and screw them and Josh didn't want to go out with him and Joey called him a fag. I wanted to beat the living shit out of him right then and there. Josh is too nice to be a fag and I don't care who Joey thinks he is. Josh is my best friend and anyone that calls him a fag and thinks of him that way deserves to die. I want to kill Joey in his sleep but then we wouldn't have a group anymore and thats wrong anyways. I'm glad that Josh came and held me back or I probably would've really given Joey a beating. And if he hadn't asked me to forget about the whole thing I'd probably still be out to get Joey. But if Josh doesn't want me to hurt him and Josh wants me to get along with him then I guess I'll have to. --------------------------------------------------------------------- He still remembered that day. Joey was proud that they had become so famous. He wanted to do what all the superstars did. He wanted to go out and get fangirls and use them for sex. At least thats what happened in the movies. JC said no and Joey called him a fag. Justin blew up instantly and it took JC three hours to calm him down and another three hours to get him to apologize to Joey for threatening to 'rip his heart out and take a shit on it and shove it back up his ass so hard it was gonna come out of his nose' as Justin mildly put it. Joey didn't sleep for three days after that incident and never said anything bad about JC after that day. He smiled and read through the whole thing, each entry bringing up fond memories of his late best friend. He picked the last one up. It was Black. Brittle masking tape lined the edges in a pitiful attempt to seal its contents. Property of: Justin Randall Timberlake Read this and I swear I hope you fucking die a horrible death asshole!!!!! That was the dedication displayed over the cover in huge white letters. "He's too cute sometimes." JC smiled at himself and peeled away the remnants of the masking tape and opened it up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- June 24, 2001 I fucking called him a fag. I fucking called my best friend a fucking fag to his face. I called Joshua Scott Chasez a fucking dirty fag today to his face. I walked in on him making out with Nick Carter in our dressing room. With a fucking Backstreet Boy. They were making out and I got mad. Not because he's gay, I could have cared less about him being gay. I degraded him because of who he decided to be gay with. Of all the people. A fucking Backdoor boy. He made out with a fucking Backdoor boy. It should have been me he was making out with. And I called him a dirty fag. I made my best friend feel like shit. I called him a dirty fag and I made him feel like shit. I could see it in his god damned blue eyes. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- JC dropped the notebook in shock as he read. Tears freely streamed from his eyes as he curled up on the couch crying. The notebook stared at him from its akward position on the floor. He bit at his nails. He cried harder as he forced himself to remember that day in vivid color. The other guys were back stage joking with the rest of the Backstreet Boys throwing cute insults at each other in the name of fun, or using the name of fun to speak their minds at each other. He and Nick had gone off to experiment after talking secretly to each other for the past few months. Justin walked in as they were in a fierce lip lock and Nick's hand made its way into his pants. Justin called them both dirty fags and stormed from the room. He fucked the shit out of Nick later that night and left him like the two dollar whore that he was. He told Justin it was an experiment and he didn't want him to hate him for being like that and that he would never do it with any other guy as long as he lived. And he never did. But things went downhill from there. He picked the notebook back up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- June 26, 2001 Josh pulled me aside and talked to me alone today. I really wanted to apologize for the way I talked to him the other day and I wanted him to know that I didn't hate him. He said that what he did with Nick was just something out of curiousity that Nick talked him into. He said he'd never do it with any other guy as long as he lived. God I just made a dick out of myself. I just didn't want to see him doing *that* with a Backdoor Boy. It broke my heart. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next few entries had him constantly ripping himself apart for doing what he did. It chronicled how much their relationship fell apart after the incident. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- July 31, 2001 Its been over a month. Things still aren't better. Its like no matter how much I pray things still don't get any better. I thought the lord listened to me. He still hasn't delivered jack shit. I have money, fame, and bitches but all I want is my best friend back and to be able to go back to how it was before I made a dick out of myself. I want to be able to tell him that I love him. Yeah. I love him. For a while now. I guess thats why it was such a shock when I saw him and Nick going at it that one time. It should've been me there with him and if was me it wouldn't be just an experiment. True love. If he wanted to be gay then he should've been gay with me. I love him and I sure had the most fucked up way of showing it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- JC flung the notebook across the room. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed then curled back up into a ball on the couch. He cried and rocked himself back and forth on the couch. "He loved me. He loved me. And I loved him too. And I never said anything. And I fucked Nick instead of making love with Justin." He mumbled as the tears rolled down. He got up and ran to where the notebook lay. A few pages had tore out but they were blank. Most were folded in off ways but it was still intact. He flipped through it furiously. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- July 9, 2001 Well sort of July 9. Technically it is. I did something really stupid and dirty today but that'll wait. I have to say this first because it might explain things. I've been looking through my old journals and stuff. I remember the first time I ever got mad at Joey. It was in Germany, I think we were on our way to Berlin. We had just started touring. Anyhow. He had called Josh a fag and I jumped to Josh's defense. I was in love with him back then too now that I think about it. I told Joey that anyone who called Josh a fag deserved to die. So where does that leave me? Back to what I did. Josh has been getting pretty hammered since I did that stupid thing a few weeks ago. I know its because of me that he does it. He got extra hammered because it was his birthday. He used to never drink. I helped him to bed. And I helped him get changed. He told me he was a dirty fag and that he was sorry. Then he knocked out. And I sucked his dick while he was asleep. And I made him fuck me while he was asleep. Because I'm the dirty fag. Thats like rape or something. I raped my best friend. So I guess thats where that leaves me. I won't be able to face him in the morning. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- He stared at the notebook in disbelief, shocked beyond words at what he had just read. He remembered having a dream in his drunken stupor that he was making love to Justin. But he dismissed it as just that, a dream. He remembered a few days later they found Justin. His M-class was parked deep in some woods in Georgia. He stuck a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. No suicide note or anything. People attributed it to his break up with Britney. As if they had ever gone out in the first place. "I... I made him kill himself... it was because of me... he killed himself because of me." JC sobbed as he clutched the black notebook in his arms trying to squeeze any happier remnants of Justin's life that might have been contained within. None came. He set the notebook on the coffee table in a neat pile with its brethren then stood up and walked to the bathroom. He turned the hot water on in the tub and plugged it up. He swirled his hand around absentmindedly in the scalding hot water as it filled the tub. He looked over to the medicine cabinet and the evil blue eyes that stared back at him through the mirror. He pulled out a razor. Thin, mettalic, cold, sharp. He laid down in the tub not once whincing as the water burned him. Heartache hurt more. Rolling up his sleeves he made two long incisions on each wrist and up his forearm then stared up at the bathroom light. Then the world went dark. Bright light burned at his eyes after what seemed like hours of darkness. He tried to move but he couldn't. He tried to open his eyes but they wouldn't. And it was deathly quiet. "NO!!!!! I wanna die... I deserve to die after what I did to him." No tears came. Then he felt arms wrap around him. Strong arms. His eyes fought to open, his lips fought to form words. "Shhhhhh... it'll take a while." The voice was soothing, comforting, and strikingly familiar. He struggled to move but the arms just held him there. He felt his head drop to his shoulder. Then hands gently rubbing up and down his back soothingly. Then he heard himself cry, softly at first, then bursting to hysterical sobs. "Shhhhhhh... I'm here... I'm here... I love you." His hands reached up and clutched at a familiar back. The sobs were greater now. His body convulsed as the feeling flooded back into his being. But his eyes wouldn't open. His mouth struggled to form words. Still, none came. "Shhhhhh... just wait a bit... it'll all come back... shhhhhh... let me hold you... God knows I've waited so long." Lips brushed against his temple softly in a sweet and gentle kiss. "I... I... I... l... l... lo... lo... love... y... y.. you" It came out labored and slightly slurred. His tongue felt numb and foreign. But the arms around him felt right. He said it again. "I... I... lo... love you." Easier this time but slightly slurred. Then again. Over and over and over until that was all that could be heard between his sobs. "Shhhhhh... I love you too... I love you too... I'm sorry... I love you too Josh... I love you." Tears wet his forehead as he felt the arms wrap around him tighter. "I love you." He sobbed, his voice barely audible. Then his eyes opened. The white light stabbed at his eyes as the haze cleared. And he was taken aback. Curls just as he remembered them. Piercing blue eyes lit up with life, the way they should have always been. And his smile with those perfect lips. "I've been waiting." Tears streaked down his perfect skin as his eyes made that intimate connection with JC's own. JC smiled back. He couldn't stop the tears even if he wanted to. He moved closer and rested his back on his shoulder, smiling. They swayed slightly as the light poured down on them. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long." He finally spoke as he let him hold him there. "I would've waited forever." He admitted then placed a kiss on JC's temple. "Justin... where are we?" JC pulled back a little and looked into his eyes questioningly. "This is Heaven... now that you're here." He smiled at him then pulled them together. Lips finally meeting as they both closed their eyes. ======================================================================= Okay... I guess... continuing with the morbid theme. It was kinda weird huh? But at least it was a happy ending thanks to someone who can be sooooo poopy sometimes when all the author wants to do is write like totally depressing fic when thats like *the* trend like right at his moment or so it seems but oh well... Okay... so maybe I'm only cut out to write smut or cheesy happy go lucky lovestories. Sorry! so e-mail me... vocal76@yahoo.com