Date: Mon, 12 Mar 2001 23:17:39 EST
From: Blue4Clue4@aol.com
Subject: Music To My Ears Chapter 2

Author's Note:Hey What's Up Everyone?? Well, here's the next installment
of Music to my Ears. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to
drop me a line in the email. I really appreciate those of you that dished
out the comments and criticism and I hope that I have included some of
your thoughts in this installment. So thanks to Xander, Justin, Eric and
Canh...keep in touch kids. I hope that you all enjoy chapter 2 of Music
To My Ears, and again I'll be watching the mail box for any letters from
all you out there. I'm at Blue4Clue4@aol.com-- hook me up!! Luv YA!

Just for the record, I'm sorry this took so long to get up, I hope that
in the future they will be posted sooner, but I've been sick lately, and
then there's school and work..but anyways ENJOY!

Disclaimer: And yet again...This story is purely fiction. I don't know
any of the Backstreet Boys personally and I do not know anything about
their sexual preferences. Also, if you are offended by stories of the
homosexual nature than what you doing here?? And if you are too young for
this stuff then you better get your ass out!! And I thank you!!

MUSIC TO MY EARS

Chapter 2--I'll Be Your Secret (if you can keep it)

I never noticed how much can be read, seen in a quick scan, a look, into
someone's waiting eyes. Majestical and deep, but his were overflowing. I
saw something so calm and inviting in them. I just felt to at ease. I
looked deeper, hoping to never have to stop. I felt something surround
me. A comfort so inexpressible., warm a luxurious. I was enveloped in his
soul, the and still only at the windows. He started back, but too quickly
turned away...

"Scott, I,...hey man, are you okay?" He seemed uneasy, but I was
gone--almost lost, but I knew the way the whole time and I never looked
back. Quick snap and I return.

"Huh, hey what's up?"

"I'm just, um, really nervous. I haven't done this in a while, and I
don't know exactly what you're hoping to get from this..I, I'm making
this sound like some fucking science project, but I'm just so damn
nervous, man.." He trailed off. He was so lost. Damn, he must have not
have dated in the past century.

"Brian, man, calm down." I put my arm around him. We reached the elevator
of my apartment building, slowly stepping inside, he started to breath
more normally. I guess the assurance of actually leaving was maybe all
that he really needed.

The car ride was uneventful. The usual pleasantries were passed, but I
knew our conversations still had a long way to go. Like somehow, there
were so many things--issues--buried so deep inside us, rooted in, and the
top most layers were just beginning to peel off. I feel like I've known
him for years, and that nothing needed to be said. The world just came to
an easy slow down and it stopped. Dead in it's tracks. This is where I
need to be. Brian is exactly what I need.

"I know, Scott, damn, I know, I just feel something so powerful with you,
like something that I've never felt before. This is all so new to me.
Like, I've know that I'm gay since I was about 17, but, I never really
pursued, a relationship..I'm kind of new at this kid." Brian, just seemed
like he needed me as much as I need him. It all made sense.

"Brian, I hate to be the damper on such a deep, kind of, conversation,
but hell, this is our first..date if you will, so shall we lighten up,
maybe just a little bit." I kind of made a whole bunch of unnecessary
hand motions, just to get the point across. "Let's just be loose and let
it all hang out, and just go."

"Let it all hang out, eh" Brian moved his hands down to his crotch and
reached for his fly. "Damn, Scott, if you could see your face right now."
He patted me on the shoulder, and busted up in a fit of laughter.

"Okay, you dirty dirty boy, two can play at this game. This does mean war
you know?"

"Yeah, I know." He gave me the most endearing smile. I was falling, damn,
and hard.

The restaurant was a laid back place. The best kind I think for a first
date. We were surrounded by other couples, but the general atmosphere I
felt promoted love to blossom and flower..and that's lame. We moved to
our table in the back as to be on the "down low." Our waiter came over,
and Brian and I were just making small talk, trying not to get to deep in
anything that could be interrupted. Enter Hector.

"Hi my name is Hector and I am your waiter for this evening. What can I
start you two off with. Our specials for the day are.." I stopped
listening. I've worked enough shitty jobs to know that this part didn't
matter, because the specials were just whatever the chef decided to not
spit in, but then again, this wasn't that kind of place.

Hector finished his spiel and I just gave him this, "well aren't we
chipper this evening" kind of look.

"Well, I'd like the Vegetarian Special and a Diet Coke, please, " I
ordered, very formal, as to not give anyone any ideas.

Brian just gave me a half cocked smile. "And I would like the same
please, thank you."

"Alright, guys I'll be back in a jiff with your drinks, and until then,
HAVE FUN!"

And that was all we needed, I was about on the floor and Brian looked as
if he was about to pee his pants. That man was something else, and this
job wasn't really doing him any favors.

Our food arrived about twenty minutes later, and as delicious and
delectable as it was, the broccoli wasn't exactly what I was interested
in.

"Okay, Scott, lets talk life."

"Um, yeah ok Brian, let's"

"Well tell me about your family, like all of those fine looking young men
I met earlier this evening."

"Oh, ok, well my parents live across town where both of my little
brothers live and my brother Jarred, but that's another story. Shall I
just start with the oldest and work my way down?" I was being half-assed
sarcastic, but that didn't really phase Brian too much.

"Yeah ok, go for it." He was so interested, genuinely in my life.

"Well, my oldest brother is named Ross. He's 21 years old and a visual
arts major. He's the artsy fartsy type and just loves to paint, draw,
sculpt, build. He's great at it. He's also a photographer and very good
at that as well."

"Then there's Barrett, or Rett. He's 18 and probably the craziest most
insane person I've ever met. He has this off the wall sense of humor and
just great to be around. He's a thespian, and writes all kinds of plays.
His latest, Confessions of the Clock Radio, is definitely a piece of
work."

"Um then Jarred, he's my twin brother. He's into music, but not like I
am. He's more of the "jock" of the family if you will. He's a very
talented soccer player and he and I both are in a break dancing group
called Elements, for our school."

"Joshua is 13 and he's very quiet and shy. Very reserved and very smart.
He's just beginning to find himself, and I really like who he's becoming.
And then there's Bradley, he's 6 and just a fun loving little kid. He's
one huge ball of energy and you gotta love him. And you didn't meet Wes,
but he's just a baby, he was just born on March 12 2001 at 2:34 am and he
weighed 7lbs 11oz." I took a deep breath, and Brian didn't even falter.
He absorbed everything that I had said, and he cared to retain the
information.

"What about middle names?" He asked calmly. He was actually curious about
my family, I guess in my tone he could see just how special all of my
brothers are to me, and in turn they became special to him.

"Well, if you really want to know. Ross Samuel. Barrett Thomas. Jarred
Tyler. Scott Alexander. Joshua Reed. Bradley Adam and Wesley Steven."

"Isn't that a mouthful?" He giggled a little bit. He's so cute when he
giggles.

We quickly delve into conversation about his family, but he faltered a
little bit when he mentioned his father. I saw hurt in his eyes, and I
being in a similar situation thought it best not to press the issue, at
least not until he was ready for it.

After dinner we went down the most beautiful park across the way from the
restaurant. After a cheerful goodbye from our good old pal Hector that
is. I sat in his arms and we looked at the stars. We murmured back and
forth and discussed the importance of trust. It seemed a lurking feeling
in the bottom of my stomach as the issues swirled around the moist night
air. I could tell by his touch, his entire presence, that he's as genuine
as people get and that I don't have to be scared over anything when I'm
with him. We started to talk about everything we knew about each other.
The Question Game. When you just go back and forth and answer each
other's curiosity. You can't back down to any question, and if you do,
well, the is no "if you do", he would chime in, because you only play the
question game with people you really trust. The whole game relies on
honesty, the harsh truth, and as I said, you can't be deceitful because
then the basis of the game crumbles and your left with a pile of "dirty
laundry" that isn't nearly as meaningful as it would've, could've been.

"So my dearest BRok, is it okay if I call you Brok?" I really didn't
leave him any time at all to answer the question. "Shall we, why don't
you start us off?"

"What? Oh you mean the game?"

"No Sherlock, I mean I five course meal, yeah the game."

He just shrugged his shoulders and I saw the wheels turning, I knew
exactly where this game was going. I being a very horny 17 year old male
highly deprived of any sexual activity and possessing large amounts of
pent up sexual energy, didn't mind at all. You get it where you can I
guess.

"You a virgin?" He rolled smoothly off his southern tongue.

" No. It was with my best friend, my first and only boyfriend. The time
was right and we were in love, you?"

"Well, um, not exactly."

"Brian, you either did or you didn't.."

"Well, no, but it was with a woman. It was before I accepted that I was
gay, and it just kind of happened. What ever happened to him?"

"To who, oh you mean Steven, my best friend?" My stomach kind of
tightened a little bit at the thought.

"Yeah" he responded calmly

"Well, Brian, you should know, Steven meant the world to me and I still
love him with all of my heart. We were so close, best friends before
lovers and I want you to know that I'm telling you this because I trust
you, and I know that you will understand."

"Okay, Scott, I will." His confidence was amazing.

" Well Steven was killed my a drunk driver last year, and it's been the
hardest year of my life, damn, it's been a year...." I just looked at the
ground but I felt Brian's grip firm and supportive around me. I am ok, I
will be fine and I don't have to worry anymore. I took a deep, cleansing
breath, shifted a little bit in my thoughts, and moved on.

"Okay, enough of that, shall we proceed? My turn. What's the most you've
ever cum?"

" I don't know, maybe six or seven shots." He started to chuckle at the
thought.

" Really, for me it's like nine or ten." I felt good, I'd done him one
better!

"Damn boy, you need to get some or something!"

The game continued for about another hour and I found out the Brian is a
very above average individual, which yet again proved my brother
Barrett's "Endowments of the Gay and Flaming" Theory, but again, that's
another story.

We walked, although it seemed like we floated, back to my apartment
building and he just pulled me into the warmest most comfortable embrace
I've ever experienced. He looked up at me, he needed to say something
important, I have sixth sense with these things.

"Brian, what is it?" I asked, really intrigued by his thoughts.

"Well, I was wondering, I really want to kiss you and, " I cut him off
his lips met mine and parted to allow entrance for my tongue. We shared
the most passionate, special kiss I'd had in a while. His face cupped in
my hands as our tongues mingled and jingled between us. Spark, we both
felt something so inviting."

"Wow." That's all he could say. The moment couldn't have been better.

"The perfect ending to a perfect evening." I stated and it was clearly
the truth.

"Um Scott, there's something I need to tell you." I just stared into his
deep blue pools. "Well, we're leaving tomorrow, and then the tour has to
continue."

"What? You mean, that's it?" I was really sad and a little disappointed
that he would start something like this and then walk away from it all,
from me.

" No, Scott, I really want to stay with you, to persue a real
relationship. I feel something so right when I'm with you, something I've
never felt before. A connection so deep and I would never walk away from
that from you." He took my face in his hands and placed another kiss on
my waiting lips. " I see something for us, Scott, something that can stay
strong through the distance. And I will be back, and I make that promise
to you."

"Brian, I..I dont' know if I can do this." Tears started to form in my
eyes, but I didn't care. I just let them slip down my cheeks, like slolem
skiers just waiting to take the plunge.

"Scott, I promise you, trust me, this will work out. We will work out
because we both want it bad enough. You're very special to me and I feel
like I've known you forever, but I want, I need to get to know you
better. And I hope that you will take my hand and come along for the
ride."

"Brian, I'd love to. I love you." I said it without thinking, but once
the words were out, they just fit. And it was all calm and right again.

"Will you be my boyfriend, Scott?"

"Brian, I'll be anything for you." And with that said, we sat over on the
curb outside my building and necked for the next few minutes. But it was
time to go our separate ways and after promises and promise, the deal was
set. He was mine and I was his, and this was the beginning of something
very special to us both.

God, I miss him so much. We've only been apart for about a week, but I
feel like my soul has been ripped out of my chest and run over by a three
thousand pound mack truck. I starred out of my window, and looked up at
the stars as if asking for some kind of answer. I need to escape into my
own little world, a place where disturbances didn't seem so huge, where
all of my grief and anxiety just whisper away and where I can find my
peace. I walked over to my bed, and reached underneath it. Revealing a
black guitar case, I removed the acoustic instrument from it's safe
keeping and again made my way to the window. I know exactly where I need
to be. With my guitar firm in my hands, I left the apartment and
proceeded down the hall and out into the welcoming night. I sat down on
the curb and just began strumming, whatever and wherever my fingers
wanted to take me. I was so far gone. Like, that place inside me, the
subconscious that knows exactly what I always need. I began to sing, to
sing to the night, to sing to Brian. As if my words touched him..they
must have. I continued my song as the tears were squeezed from my
clenched eyes, and I felt closer to completion.

"Open your eyes to the haze of forgotten dreams

I see myself drift from sleep

I'm so disconnected

I don't feel you, I can't feel me

I see nothing at all

The light's just too bright for shadows

And the darkness is my prisoner

My only solace

Cause I don't have to think with my eyes closed

So deep in dreamland

Dreading to return

So if I should die before I wake

Would you forget me?

I hope I lived for you to remember me

But all my hope's in the past

And the past is long behind

And I'm just so happy in the dark

Because you're not there to watch me

You're there with me

And I can see you

And feel you

And you look back at me

Close your eyes to everything that's real

I see myself drift away

And now I'm so inside myself

Beside myself

I miss you."

"God, Scott, I miss you too..." bellowed a familiar southern accent.

To be continued...

I just love cliffhangers, and how all ya'll hate them. If it keeps you
reading I'll keep it writing. So I'd love to hear from anyone who has
something to say, be it good or evil. Drop me a line at
Blue4Clue4@aol.com and I'll be sure to nail you a response. So until next
time...keep it safe And please welcome the most recent addition to my
family, Wesley Steven, 7lbs 11oz, born early this morning, March 12.

Scott