Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1999 19:08:45 -0800 (PST)
From: CJ <magik77_1998@yahoo.com>
Subject: My Night With Howie D. Part 9

***Hey here it is #9.  Now a note before you read this. I do not
intend for this to be a sob story, but this part may be a bit
depressing.  As you all know I introduced Jesse Marks as a character
with AIDS.  Well, he isn't fictional. All the events and conversations
dealing with Jess did happen, not with Howie obviously, but someone as
close as Howie is in this story.  He really was my best friend and he
passed away this last August.  I wanted to include this because I like
the way it worked in and I wanted this to be a tribute of sort to him.
 You see, unlike in this story, I wasn't able to let him know what a
good friend he was.  Everyone tells me he knew, but hey Jess, this is
for you bro.

***Parts of this story are completly fictional and are not meant to
imply that Howie, Brian or AJ are gay.  If homosexual relationships
and sex offend you or go against something then READ NO FURTHER!

My Night With Howie D.
Part 9

By Craig


   What a sight to wake to, the sun shining in the room and Howie
laying there snoring softly with nothing on. He was on his back and
his sculpted chest rose and fell with his breaths and it was all I
could do not to go down on his beautiful cock.  I just laid there and
watched him sleep.  I was nervous because today was the day I went and
met with the producers about my future on "One of the Guy's".   So
this was very good and relaxing.  I got off the bed and started
looking through my closet for something to wear.  I bent over to grab
a pair of shoes when I felt a hand on my bare ass.  I turned and Howie
stood there smiling.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist." he said and kissed me.
"No prob, you almost gotjumped too." I said and kissed him back.

  Rubbing against each other and getting very hard, we went to the bed
and started kissing.  I took his hard cock and started to jerk it
while he did the same to me.  Then we positioned to suck each other
and went to town.  I took his cock into my mouth and throated it and
then took it out and playfully licked it.  Alternating this way his
cock started to tense and he started to thrust and shoot his load in
my mouth.  Draining him and swallowing it all, I felt my own cock
tense up and I startd to shoot.  Howie clamped down and took it all. 
Then he started toying with my ass and lubing it with his spit.  I was
moaning and stroking his hardening cock.  He got up and laid me on my
back.  Taking my legs up on his shoulder he plunged in and started to
fill my ass with his big cock.  It felt so good and my dick was
immediatly hard and throbbing.  He leaned down and kissed me and toyed
with my nipples.  I would tighten my muscles and keep his cock trapped
and then release it only to trap it again.  We were working up a sweat
and were both feeling so good.  I could feel myself getting ready to
come.  Then Howie took my cock and jacked me off into the most mind
numbing orgasm.  While I was blowing my wad and my ass muscle were
going spastic, Howie blew his own load up my ass.  We laid there and
then I noticed the time and we got in the shower. We hopped in the
shower and scrubbed each others backs.  Then Howie took me into his
arms and the hot water pounded against us while we kissed.  We both
started to arise so I went down and took his cock and started to tease
it with my tongue.  Then I grabbed his big fat balls and sucked on
them causing him to moan and balance against the wall.  I took his
cock and engulfed it.  Bobbing up and down and toying with his balls. 
He took my head in his hands and started thrusting.  I reached behing
and kneaded his ass.  Then I slipped a finger up his wet ass.  This
cause him to blow another thick, hot load down my throat.  He then
pulled me up and went down on my cock.  He filled his mouth with water
and blew me.  It was so intense that I blew right then.   After
showering we got dressed, grabbed a quick bite while I called the
limo.  It arrived and we were off to the studio.  We arrived and I
noticed that they were shooting.  Everyone said hello and Kyle came up
to me before we reached the office.

"Craig, look I know that we haven't gotten along, but dude you can't
just leave the show.  We need you.  You, me and Mat are a team and
without one its not the same." he said.
"When did I say I was leaving Kyle?"
"Um, its just something I had heard I guess." he said and loooked at
the ground.
"Shit, you mean that Brad is telling everyone that I am leaving
already?"
  He didn't say anything and I knew then that they knew and were going
to beat me to the punch.  We went into the office and the secretary
told us that Jeff and Brad were waiting.  The meeting basicallly
summmed up what me and Jeff had already discussed.  I had a chance at
something big so they were going to let my contract run out, with the
option of renewal within a year.  And Brad was very kewl and even gave
me ahug at the end.  With that over we all went to lunch and then to
Jeffs office where he gave me a pile of scripts to look over. 

"Craig, I have to congratulate you on how you handled yourself.  I am
proud.  Now, before you go looking through these scripts I want to
discuss something with you.  You are going to be on location with
these movies and none of them are here.  We purchased your house
because you were here all the time.  Now you are going to be
travelling so much that you might not want to be saddled with it.  
This is up to you, but just let me know and i will handle it for you."

   I thanked him and took the pile of scripts and Howie and headed
home.  We spent the rest of the day looking at the scripts.  There
were some that looked like sequels or were so similiar to Cruel Summer
that I tossed them.  There were some horror 'Scream' types.  But the
one that caught my attention was the one based on the gay musician
Tommy.  He was a memeber of a teen group in the early to mid 80's. 
They were big but inner conflicts and relationships split them up.  He
went on a downward spiral of drugs and sex before being shocked into
reality by the death of a lover.  He turned around and was coming back
on top when he was shot and killed at a concert by his ex lover.  I
showed it to Howie and we agreed that it was good.  And then Howie
said what I was thinking.

"Its good Craig and I think it will go well, but its another gay role.
 If you do this you know that your going to get publicized for it."
"But would that be so bad Howie?  Then I wouldn't have to hide
anymore.  Then we could be open."

   He didn't say anything and got up and went to the window.  I got
off the couch and went over to him and I put my arms around him.  He
was tense and shrugged me off.  He turned around and looked at me and
from the look on his face I knew I wasn't going to like what wouuld
come out of his mouth.

"Craig, I have to go back to Orlando on the 28th for Nicks birthday. 
After that we leave for our tour, thats going to go on and off until
August.   While I am on tour you'll be doing your movies and we're not
going to see each other that often.  What I am trying to say is, well,
I can't come out with you.  You can because your prepared for the
consequence and can deal with it, but what I do affects four other
people and I don't have the right to do that."
"So what are you saying Howie?" I asked.
"That you can't say anything about me." he answered.

  I stood there shocked.  We just looked at each other and didn't say
anything.  

"I think that maybe you should leave Howie." I said holding in my
tears and anger.
"Craig, no I didn't mean..."
"Didn't mean what? Huh?  You want to be with me and put this ring on
my finger!  You get pisssed because Brian flirted with me!  You have
the nerve to assume I am going to tell people about my personal life! 
You said that you would never let anything hurt me.  Well guess what? 
You just did.  Now please go away." I said.

   Not being able to see what he would do I went to bathroom.  I
stayed in there for a half hour and heard him on the phone and then
the door shut.  I came out and saw that he had packed and left.  There
was a note on my dresser.  It read:

Craig,

    It looks like I put my foot in my mouth again.  There is nothing I
can say because your right, I did hurt you.  Maybe this is for the
best?  Maybe we weren't meant to be?  Do you believe that?  Maybe you
do, but I don't.  I love you more than anything and wish that Icould
take back what was said, but I can't. So I leave this in your hands. 
I am leaving for Orlando tomorrow.  I await your call.  Remember, your
invited to Nicks party too, don't hold this against the guys.  They
are your friends too.  I LOVE YOU.

Howie

   I cried and looked at the ring on my hand.  So many times that
night I went to pick up the phone to call him but stopped before I
completely dialed.  I cried myself to sleep and the next morning woke
up lonelier then I had ever been.  I had tossed and turned all night. 
Without Howie there it hadn't felt right.  I looked at the clock and
saw it was noon. I jetted to the airport and caught him right before
his flight was called.

  I ran up to him and he smiled.  We hugged but I didn't kiss him.

"Howie, maybe we just need some space and time.  This all happened in
not even a months time, and it just keeps getting crazy." I said.
"Do you love me?" he asked with glistening eyes.
"Yes."
"Then it doesn't matter to me.  If you need time, I'll give it to you
as long as I know that you love me."

  We hugged and he gave me a kiss on the cheek.  His flight was
boarding and he had to leave.  We said goodbye and we both were
crying.   

   I made up my mind then that I wouldn't call him, but let him call. 
I felt so bad, but was sure that we needed time apart to see if this
was real.  I went to Jeff and we secured the deal with the Tommy
story.  And I also decided to sell the house and stay in Tucson
between shoots.  The next week flew by.  Jess and Aaron came to help
me pack and I told them all about what happened.  They urged me to
call Howie but I held my ground and wouldn't break.  Bri and AJ called
every night and Nick even called to ask if I was coming, but no Howie.
 They all told me how he was hurting and how this was tearing him up. 
I  told them I was moving and made sure they had the numbers.  We
finshed up and I went back to Arizona until the filming started.  I
kept regular contact with Bri and AJ, but couldn't bring myself to
talk to  Howie.  By then my stubborn pride wouldn't let me if I wanted
to.  I gave them my schedule for shooting and they gave me theirs in
hopes that I would change my mind.  The main shoots were in New York
so I was stationed there.  the studio got me an apartment and all the
stuff I would need.  By then it was end February.  Then I got a phone
call from Aaron, Jess had a relapse and was bad.  I got time from the
shoot and went to them.  He had gotten pnemonia and this time it
rocked his system,  his cells were too low and he was a skeleton.  To
make matters worse, his parents had disowned him and his insurance was
gone.  But something good happened.  Beth gave birth to the twins. 
They were beautiful and healthy  and they looked just like Scott. 
Blonde hair and blue eyes.  They named them Cary and Trey.  I stayed
for a few weeks and was made godfather to my nephews.  I left to get
back and Jess was to be transferred as soon as he was stable.  They
flew him up and Aaron moved in and the  fimlming was underway.  I
watched all the Backstreet Boys appearances and cried every night. 
The time started flying and it was soon mid June and the shooting
transferred to Canada.  The guys were in concert and asked me to come,
after a lot of debating I decided to do it.  We were to surprise
Howie.  According to Brian, he was getting real bad and becoming
silent and withdrawn offstage.  I was escorted backstage and they were
in their dressing room.  I walked in with a dozen purple roses.  They
turned and saw me.  

"Hey Howie, someone's hhere for you!" Brian called out.
"Coming." 

   He walked out and saw me and a look of shock crossed his face.  I
dropped the flowers and went to him.  We hugged and started  crying so
bad my vision was blurred.  I heard the others leave and all I could
feel was Howie holding tightly like I would run away. Then he pulled
away and wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Why did you take so long Craig?  I have been going loco.  I missed
you so bad that I was picking up the phone constantly but I couldn't
call you.  I was waiting for you too."

"God, I was doing the same thing Howie."

"You mean all this time we were apart because we were both too
stubborn to pick up the phone?"

   We laughed and fell to the couch.  We started kissing and groping
and had raging hard ons.  But before we could do anything Kev came and
told Howie they needed him.  The concert started and I stood in the
wings watching.  Howie would look to me and make kissing faces.  And
when they sang "All I Have to Give" he sang it directly to me.  After
the concert we all went back to their hotel and made plans to go
clubbing the next night.  Howie practically dragged me to his room and
we barely got in the door and we were ripping each others clothes off.
 We fell on the floor and went at each others bodies.  After kissing
and licking each other Howie told me he had to fuck me.  I needed it
as bad as he wanted it so I said yes.  Without lube or a condom he
plunged in.  Even with the pain it was great.  He started pumping hard
and stroking my cock at the same time and we were cumming.  He laid on
top of me and we kissed.  We took a shower and got into the bed.  I
lay in his arms and he stroked my hair.

"Craig, I have had a lot of time to think and after talking to the
guys we decided that .."

  I put my fingers to his lips to stop him.

"Howie, No.  Don't say anything.  We're happy.  Lets just leaveit at
that." I said.

   We talked intothe night and fell asleep in each others arms.  We
spent the next week between seeing each other as often as we could
between concerts, rehearsals and filming.  We fell right back into our
groove.  But all too soon they were leaving and I was heading back to
New York.  We promised this time to keep in touch.  But the next time
to get together would be when they were in New York in another month. 
Getting back to New York was great.  Jess was still in the hospital
but he was fighting it and the doctors couldn't say how long he had. 
Aaron and I had bonded and I told them all about it.  They laughed and
said I should have listened to them and I would have been happier
sooner. Jess improved enough to be released from the hospital, but had
to come in everyother day for a check up.  During this time we did
everything we could.  One night, Howie and the guys came down and we
all went out to a club and did karaoke.  Jess would not leave me alone
and I finally I got up and did it.  I have a good voice, I just don't
like to get up in front of others and sing, weird since I have no
problem getting up in front of people and acting.  It turned out to be
fun and we all took turns and at the end we all did "I Touch Myself"
as a group.  The filming was going great.  The title was 'Believe, the
Tommy Carr story'.  I was having a great time portraying him, in fact
I actually did two songs.  Which was kewl know, the karaoke had
loosened me up. They were the two that he was releasing when he died
and never got released.   Originally they were going to voice over but
I decided to give it a shot and actually had fun.  The engineer mixed
the existing vocal with mine and it turned out very kewl and haunting.
 I was on the set doing the death scene, a scene that was freaking me
out actually.  We were in the lead up to it when I got the call.  It
was Aaron and I needed to get to the hospital NOW.

   I was there as fast as I could and I arrived to find Aaron in
tears.  Jess had slipped into a coma.  We went in and I couldn't
believe that the man on the hospital bed was my best friend.  Within
the last six months he had lost so much weight that his skin was
stretched over his bones and he was as light as a feather.  We went to
the bed and each took a hand.  The machines constant beep was
reassuring yet nerve wracking.  We talked to him about everything, the
doctor said he could hear us and our voices would help him.  We sat
there all night.  At about three in the morning the machines started
beeping and Jess stirred.  He looked at us and half smiled.

"Your here." he rasped.
"Shh Jess, don't waste your strength." Aaron said.
"No, I know I..*cough* am going.  I want you both to *cough* know that
*hack* I loved you both more than anyone ever.  And I want you to be
happy.  *cough*cough*cough* Craig dont be a dick and let him into your
life.  Aaron, I *cough* love you."

  He started hacking and coughing and then his body went into spams. 
A nurse came running in and cleard us out.  We stood outside while two
doctors and more nurses came.  They were inside the room and then five
minutes later they were out.  We knew by the looks on their faces that
he had died.  Aaron broke down and I held him.  We sat down and after
awhile his tears became sobs.  We took turns calling friends.  Then he
told me to call Jess's parents.  I called them and got his mother. 
When I toldher she let out a sob and his dad took the phone.  I told
him and he was silent.

"Craig?  Your gay too?"
"Yes Mr. Marks."
"I suggest you to stop it before you are punished too.  It may already
be too late."

   He went on about god punishing Jesse because of his sins and that
it was not too late for me to redeem my soul.  I hung up.  I felt
sorry for Jess, that hehad to die without his parents love.  But I
couldn't cry.  The tears were there they just wouldn't come out. 
After we did all we had to do we went back to the apartment.  Aaron
went to bed and I sat there.  It was 6 in the morning and my cell
rang.  I answered and it was Howie.

"Craig? I am glad I caught you.  We are going to be in New York in
August now, it got pushed back.  But, I can get away for the weekend. 
I am going to see Caroline, shes getting sick again.  But maybe we can
spend a couple days together?"
"Okay."
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Jesse died three hours ago."
"Oh god, Craig I am so sorry.  Are you okay?"
"Yeah, its weird , but I haven't cried yet.  Is something wrong with
me?"
"No. theres nothing wrong with you Craig.  Sometimes it takes time for
the tears.  Fuck, I want to be there with you."
"Just talkto me Howie, just talkto me."

   And talk he did.  We stayed on the phone for three hours just
talking.  He avoided Jess and I didn't say anything, we just talkd
about the twins and music, movies.  Then he had to go to the studio
but he promised he would call that night.  I went to the set and we
started another scene.  But my mind was elsewhere and I was flubbing
lines right and left.  The director, a really kewl guy by the way, sat
me down and talked to me.   After we finished he sent me home and told
me they would do the scenes without me.  I got home and found Aaron
going through photo albums.  We sat there and talked until the
doorbell rang.  I went to answer it and there was Howie.  He dropped
his bags and hugged me.  Then he came in and gave Aaron a hug.  We put
his bags in my room and we all sat in the living room.  We ordered
pizzas and sat there all night talking about Jess.  It was funny, once
we got startd though, we couldn't stop and after we finished laughing
and telling stories we felt better.   Aaron surprised us by saying
this is what we would do for a funeral.  We would have people come up
tell stories.  How they best remembered Jess.  Then he said something
that threw me.

"Craig, Jess always said that he wanted you to sing for him.  Would
you?" 
 
   I sat there for a moment silent.

"You don't have to decided right now.  But let me know.  I am planning
this for Friday.  Since its only going to be a memorial."
"What do you mean? " Howie asked.
"Jess's parents demanded the body and are having a private service. 
So we are going to have a memorial." Aaron answered.


   We decided we would do it in Tucson and invite everyone.  Howie was
arranging for the guys to come to.  It would be kewl.  We all went to
bed and for once we didn't have sex, we just held each other.  I woke
in the morning and saw Howie propped on his arm staring at me.

"What?"
"Nothing, you looked so peaceful that i just stared at you for an
hour.  Now that I have you, I never want to lose you Craig." he said
stroking my hair.

   We kissed and fooled around for awhile.  Then it was off to the
airport so he could get back to the tour.  It was nice though.  We had
that night.  It was Wednesday and we were due in Tucson on Friday.  I
threw myself into work and we had everything down but the death scene,
which we would do when I got back.  

   Thursday afternoon I hopped a plane to Tucson.   Aaron had left
already.  He was moving back to Tucson and I would miss him, my place
had become our place and now they both were gone. 

   I arrived and visited my nephews.  In the six months I had been
gone they had gotten big and I had the time of my life with them. 
Howie and the guys came in also and we all chilled at the house. 
Watching Howie with and playing with the twins made me smile.  I love
kids and want some of my own eventually.  And Howie was GREAT with
them.  

   The next day we all gathered at the high school auditorium and had
the memorial.  I was thinking it would be a little side, even though I
knew what we were going to do.  But surprisingly it wasn't.  Sure
there were tears but there was laughter and fun.  We remembered Jesse
for the good times and wished him well wherever he was.  
   Then came my moment.  I had told Aaron I would sing, but hadn't
known what until the night before.  I was fooling on the piano when I
saw the perfect song.  I went to the stage and did "The Rose."  I got
to the end and all the tears that had been there but wouldn't come,
burst forth.  I couldn't stop.  I felt someone come up to me and lead
me off the stage.  It was Howie and he whispered to me that it was
alright.  We sat down and I buried my head in his chest.  He rocked me
in his arms and it was all right.  After the service we all went home
and chilled before returning to our seperate places.  

   I returned to New York and we finished up the movie. I was happy. 
I was going to stay in the apartment until the guys came to town and
then I would be going with them to Orlando for a month of free time. 
But then the call came.  It was the middle of the afternoon and the
phone rang.  I picked up and said hello.  The line was silent and I
thought it was a prank call.  But then someone spoke.

"C-craig?"
"Howie!  What's wrong?" I asked worried.
"Its Caroline, s-she. . .she died this morning."

Need I say it?

  To Be Continued.....

==
If you want it to be good boy, get yourself a Backstreet Boy