Date: Wed, 25 Aug 1999 20:52:33 EDT
From: Faradhi269@aol.com
Subject: nsync-new life-5

** This is part five.  I hope that everyone likes the story.  Again, thank you
to BrwyMilo, Zeo, and Intelevore for their help in writing this story and in
giving me the confidence to continue with it.  I also want to thank all of you
who have written me positive mail.  You all are the reason I still try.
As usual, this story is not intended to be entirely true, and although
desirable, the sexual orientation of any of the members of 'NSync is completely
fictional.  If you are offended by sexual relations between two men, go away!
If you are not of legal age to read this where you are, who cares?  Hope you
like it.**

						CHAPTER 9

	The rest of the night passed peacefully and Friday dawned clear and
beautiful.  I got a phone call at around 8 am and after floundering around for a
couple of seconds, managed to answer it.
	"H-hello?"  I asked groggily.
	"Ryan?  Wake up!"  Joey's voice commanded me.  "We got a meeting this
morning.  Come on over and have breakfast."
	"OK, just give me a couple of minutes to wake up, all right?"
	"You got it.  But don't be too long or breakfast will get cold."
	I hung up the phone, missing the handset entirely, and started to crawl
out of bed to head for the shower.  As I crawled under the warm water, I thought
about last night.  Was it just me, or did I really feel that Justin was there
with me?  Nah, just another dream.
	But what a dream.
	I soon got out and dried off, humming a melody that I made up on the spot.
I put on a pair of jeans and a white t shirt that was a little too tight.  Then
I walked over to Joey's room and knocked on the door.
	The door whirled open and Joey was waiting for me.
	"Hey, Ry.  Good morning!"  His cheery manner irritated me for some reason.
	"Waz up, Joey?  Sleep well?" I asked pointedly, of course trying to
indicate that I hadn't.
	He didn't get my insinuation.  "Oh yeah.  Like a baby."  He smiled.  "But
we're waiting for you, come on in."
	I walked in and saw everyone sitting on the floor or chairs or the bed,
just trying to find a comfortable spot.  I said hello to everyone and tried to
find a seat near Justin.  Justin looked at me strangely and I got a little catch
in my throat.  He looked horrible.  His face was haggard and he had deep circles
under his eyes.  When we asked him what was wrong, he just said, "Nothing."
	Still, he managed to be awake enough to participate in the meeting.  All
that basically happened is we got told to be ready by 10 and we'd be gone all
night until about 2 am.  It was a reminder to everyone to get some rest and
relaxation while they could.  Today was going to be a long day, but tomorrow
would be pretty easy.  From about 11 to 4, there would be a publicity
photoshoot, and afterwards, we were free.  I reminded them about the play and
they asked me a lot of questions about it that I refused to answer.  Justin
seemed smug that he already knew some of it.  Then we just talked about the
upcoming concert.
	Afterwards, I went into my room to get ready.  I figured I'd wear black so
that I wouldn't be seen backstage while the group was on and distract the
audience.  So I pulled out some black jeans and a white shirt with a lightning
bolt etched in black.  Then I grabbed a black jacket to cover up the shirt with
when I needed to.  It wasn't really that long, maybe an hour or so, before I got
a phone call asking if I was ready to go.
	"Sure," I said exitedly.  I knew that this was going to be fun.
	We went down the elevator and hopped into the limo, which was already
surrounded by hundreds of screaming prepubescent girls.  Oh, God-I thought-is
this going to happen again?  But the security around the hotel managed the
throng well, and we got in without much incident, except Lance's shirt was
ripped.
	I pointed it out to him.  He just shrugged, "Oh, well.  It's not like I'm
wearing this at the concert."
	For some reason, the way he responded to that made me think...  But then
we were on our way to the night's concert.  I started humming the tune that I'd
made up earlier.
	"What are you humming, Ryan?"  Joey asked me.
	"Nothing, Joey, just something I made up."
	"It sounds cool.  Sing it for us, will ya?"
	"Thanks, man.  When I come up with some words for it, you can hear it."
Then we arrived.  I wasn't entirely sure what to expect.  I'd been to
their concert in Pittsburg, but even after rehearsal yesterday, when we finally
got to the arena, there were so many people, all screaming the names of the
guys, and even a few "I love you Ryan" shouts!  What the hell?  Now I really
gotta get Lance back-I thought.  Still, they enjoyed the attention and we had
some fun playing some hackey sack before the concert.  I really sucked at it,
but we had some fun.  But JC walked up to me and said, "Ry, Justin told us you
do martial arts."  I guess I thought it was a question, so I just nodded.  "Uh-
huh."  "Well," he continued, "if you have to do something that needs accuracy
and speed, why in God's name can't you play hackey sack?"  He started laughing
and everyone else did too.
	I blushed a little.  "I don't know, JC.  I wonder that too, but not with
sack, with dancing.  I've always figured that if I can fight, I can dance, but
it just doesn't seem to work out that way."  I laughed ruefully.  "Believe me,
I've tried."
	"Yeah, we noticed," Chris put in.  The guys giggled at this and nodded.
	"Thank you SO much, Chris."  I replied sarcastically.  The others just
laughed again.  "Anyway, the point is, I'm not even that great at martial arts
unless I get emotionally involved.  I never seem to when I'm dancing or playing
hackey sack, so I suck at it."
	"Uh-huh."
	"But you're not like that with singing," Joey put in.  "You're really
good."
	"Joey, that's because I'm always emotionally drawn in singing."
	"Oh," he said a little dejectedly.
	"But thanks all the same."
	"No problem."  He brightened up immediately and we all laughed.  From the
looks of things, this concert was going to be tremendous.  The time really
rolled by and I went backstage with the guys into their dressing room.  It was
really nice, with a couple of couches and tables full of stuff.  But I couldn't
get over how many things they had to change into. I knew that they changed a lot
during the concert, and being a former actor, I know what it's like to have to
make a quick change.  But they had so many different things and most of them
looked kind of hard to get in and out of.
	Justin pulled out a pair of silver pants and a black shirt.  "These things
are first, right?"
	JC looked over from the pile of clothes he was digging through.  "Yep,
then we go into these," and he pulled out a pair of basketball shorts and a
jersey.
	"OK, cool," Justin said and started to strip down to get dressed.  The
others did likewise, and I tried not to let my jaw drop.  Damn, they were all
built!  I guess dancing does that to you, doesn't it?  But, just to make the
situation less awkward, I kept chatting away with everyone, my eyes firmly on
Justin's beautiful body.  Once he was down to his boxers, he turned towards me.
I could clearly see his package through the thin cotton, and I was enormously
happy that I was wearing jeans and no one could tell my condition, however
uncomfortable it just got.  He held up the clothes and asked, "What do you think
of these?"
	"Those are really cool, J," I replied.  "The girls are going to love
them!"  The guys all smiled, all except Lance who just stared at me.  Once they
were all dressed, Joey looked at his watch and said, "It's showtime.  Let's
rock!"
	I opened the door and gave each one a pat on the back as they went by and
said, "Break a leg."  Joey smiled and gave me a big hug, as did Justin.
	My smile grew even bigger when he walked away.  I knew what I'd dream
about tonight...
	As they went onstage, the crowd roared.  I was glad that I was partially
blocked from the crowd, since the noise was deafening.  But I still nearly got
bowled over from the sound.  The guys all took it in stride, though.  They
smiled and Joey cried, "Waz up, people?"
	The girls all screamed at the top of their lungs.
	"Well what can I say to that but..." he began.
	"Here we gooooooo!" the rest of the group sang.
	The girls went ballistic as the guys sang "Here We Go" and "Tearin' Up My
Heart" before a short break to change and drink some cool water.
	As they ran past me, I slapped them on the back again saying, "Nice job,
nice job."
	It only took them about two minutes to change completely.  I recognized
professionals when I saw something like that.  And right after, they went back
on to sing "God Must Have Spent" and "Everything I Own."  On "Everything I Own,"
Justin looked back at me worriedly to see how I was reacting.  I was crying, but
not nearly as badly as the first time.  Slowly but surely, I realized that my
new friends were replacing the grief in my mind.  But it still brought back
memories that I'd rather forget.  When Justin looked at me, he saw all of this
and more.  I couldn't have hidden my emotions from him at that point if I'd
tried.  He smiled at me, a reassuring smile, but there was something else behind
it.
	After "Everything I Own," they sang "Giddy Up."  Then they came to change
again.  Again, I repeated my previous action.  They all smiled.  I mean, who
doesn't like getting heartfelt congratulations?  Anyway, when they ran out
again, they were all in jumpers.  (For those who don't know or recognize the
term, I mean the sweatsuits that athletes wear to keep warm.)  Joey was in red,
JC in black, Chris in yellow, Lance in green and Justin of course in baby blue.
	In their new wardrobe, they sang "For the Girl Who Has Everything,"
"Sailing," and ended with "Drive Myself Crazy."  Of course, the girls weren't as
loud by now because they had all screamed their lungs onto the stage, but they
still tried.  The show had been great and everyone knew it.
	We were all tired, but especially them.  I understood why they were so
tired-they had just put on one tremendous show.  But I guess I got almost as
tired watching them and being there with them as I did doing things like that
myself.
	We got back to the hotel and they all went to their rooms to take a shower
and hit the sack.
	"I'll see you guys in the morning," Lance said between yawns.  "Remember
that we can sleep in a little bit."
	"Yesss!" groaned JC.
	"Yeah, man.  I'm beat," added Chris.
	"Guys, you told me you love doing it, so it's not really work." I reminded
them.
	"So?" Joey wanted to know.
	"So, if it's not work, why are you so tired?"  I asked innocently.
	"Don't you get tired after playing all day?"  Justin asked me in the same
way.
	"Well, I guess..."
	"There you go."  He smiled at me and slowly made his way back to his room.
	"All right.  Goodnight."  I laughed and went off to my room to try to get
some sleep.

						CHAPTER 10

	I lay in bed for a while and couldn't sleep, so I decided to go for a
short walk.  I knew the area pretty well and I figured turning down the offers
of a couple dozen prostitutes would be amusing.  So I got up and got dressed and
went down for a walk.  As I started walking, I got to thinking seriously about
me and Justin.  I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to do.  I knew by now
that I definitely was in love with him.  I could barely believe it-we'd only
known each other for a few days!  But in my dealing with him, in the way we
talked and learned about each other, I just knew that it was love.  Sure, he was
good looking, but there was more than that.
	As I pondered these thoughts, I sort of... got lost.  A little lost, not
totally, Blair-Witch lost, but a little confused.  I knew where the hotel was,
and I knew basically how to get there, but I wasn't entirely sure and I wasn't
entirely in the best area.
	Wonderful-I told myself-way to go, dumbass.  So I wisely decided to bail
and head back to the hotel as quickly as I could.  Unfortunately, I didn't see
the guy step out of the shadow to stick his leg in my path.  As I went flying, I
caught glimpse of him-a 6' tall black guy about 20 or so and two of his buddies-
a 5'7" Hispanic and a 6'6" tall black guy, also about 20.  Oh man-I thought.
	"Gimme your money, kid," the first guy told me as I rolled over to sit
down.
	"I don't have any," I protested.
	"You're full of shit.  Look at you, rich white boy.  Now gimme your money
or I'm gonna rip you open."  He reached into his jacket and pulled out a
switchblade.
	"Man," I groaned, "not again!"
	"Again?" He asked incredulously.  "Don't you ever learn, kid?"  His two
pals laughed.
	I was still sitting on the ground when he stepped a little closer-right
within reach.  I swung my right leg and connected my foot behind his left knee
which brought his body forward and his face started to come down.  Then I swung
my left leg over my right in a crescent kick and slammed into the side of his
head.
	He toppled over to my right and moaned, his jaw broken.  I quickly flipped
up onto my feet as I heard the Hispanic guy say "Holy Shit!" just as the other
black man said, "waste the fucker!"
	He rushed forward with another knife and I stepped to my left side with a
knife hand to the center of his chest.  He jerked to a complete stop and then
fell backwards when my left heel spun around and connected to his jaw, too, but
not before his knife came around and cut my leg on my hamstring.  The Hispanic
had backed against a wall with his knife drawn in front of him.  He stopped me
from taking his legs out from under him and from getting to him from the side,
so I did the only thing I could-I did a jumping side kick to his forehead which
slammed the back of his head into the brick wall.  His eyes rolled back and he
started to slide down the wall.  As he did, a bright red trail of blood marked
where his head had been on the wall.
	"Oh shit," I muttered.  And I reached down to see if he had a pulse.  "Oh
fuck, if I killed him, I'm dead."  But he did have a pulse.  I breathed a huge
sigh of relief and I looked around as I got up to leave.  Off to my right, the
first guy was groaning, but was on his hands and knees, trying to get up.  I
couldn't have that, so I lifted my right foot up to my head with my leg straight
and brought it down on his back.  He dropped and I kept going back to the hotel.
About 15 minutes later, I found my way back.  As I rode the elevator up, my
adrenaline rush calmed down and I was suddenly exhausted.  My leg hurt, too.  I
checked it and it was a clean cut and not too deep.  I shrugged.  Another cut-I
thought-this is getting to be a habit.  I staggered back to my room and fell
into a deep sleep.
	The next morning, I didn't even hear the phone ring.  Or the knock on my
door, so when the bed shifted beneath me and I flinched awake, I was completely
surprised to find Justin sitting on my bed... again.
	"Hello, Ryan.  Earth to Ryan.  Come in Ryan." He was saying.
	"Wha-"
	"You're almost late.  You would be if it weren't for me."  He smiled good-
naturedly.  "But that's OK.  Just get your ass up and in the shower!"
	"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled.  I turned over and buried my head in the pillow.
	"OK, Ryan, that does it!"  He yanked the covers off of me and pulled them
down to my feet.  I was laying on my stomach with my head under a pillow in a
pair of black and white plaid boxers.  He smiled seeing that, but then he
noticed the cut on my leg.
	"What the hell did you do to yourself?"  He asked, worried.
	"Nothing, man.  Why do you ask?"
	"Look at your leg, Ry!"  He pointed.
	I lifted my head and turned to look, which is when he noticed the scar on
my shoulder.  "Jesus, Ryan!  What the hell's going on?"
	I looked him in the eye-those beautiful blue eyes that I could get lost
in-and said, "Some guys tried to mug me last night.  I fought them off and came
home.  No big deal."
	His eyes wide, he asked, "How many?"
	"Three."
	They widened a little bit more.  "Three?"
	"Yeah.  They're OK, I guess.  And I'm fine.  So don't worry about it."
	"Fine," he said, "but what about that one on your arm?"
	"Oh, this one." I said, shifting a little.  "Well, remember the security
guards that I beat up trying to get down the hill to you?"
	He nodded, "Yeah."
	"Well, they didn't want to let me go backstage, even with the pass I
showed them and so I had to knock them out of the way.  It was quick and nothing
was broken."
	"Uh-huh."
	"Well... they weren't too happy."
	"I can understand that."
	"So they and some other guy-"
	"Who?" He interrupted quickly.
	"I don't know.  Just some guy.  They came and attacked me with knives in
the parking lot when I was going to my car.  I fought the two guys, but the
third one stayed out.  He was just... watching me.  It was eerie.  Anyway, one
of the guards poked me with his knife, and I went a little ape-shit.  Once they
were down, I turned them over to the police and went to a motel to spend the
night."
	"So why does this keep happening to you?" he wanted to know.
	"I have no clue!  I just wish that SOMEthing would go right for me, for a
change!"
	He looked hurt.  "Us becoming your friends isn't 'something going right?'"
	The fact that he was upset at what I said made me want to cry.  "Justin,
that's not what I mean.  You guys being my friends has been my salvation.  I'm
not crazy because of you all.  I owe you so much, Justin, and I..." I broke off.
I was getting too caught up, and I didn't want to say something that would screw
everything up.
	He gave me a strange look.  "You what?"
	"Nothing."
	"What?"
	"NOTHING!" I shouted.
	He looked so hurt and upset that I almost broke down.  He surged off the
bed, tears streaming down his face and ran back to his room.
	I flopped onto the bed, crying harder than I had since he held me that
first time.  Somewhere out of the corner of my mind, I heard and sang:
	"I peer through windows... watch life go by... dream of tomorrow... and
wonder why... the past is holding me... keeping life at bay... I wander lost in
yesterday... wanting to fly... but scared to try..."
	I sniffed and cried even harder, not knowing what to do.
	"But if someone like you... found someone like me... then suddenly...
nothing would ever be the same... my heart would take wing... and I'd feel so
alive... if someone like you found me..."
	I was caught up in the song and its meaning again, so I didn't even notice
the door open and Joey peek through.
	"So many secrets... I've longed to share... all I have needed... is
someone there... to help me see the world... I've never seen before... a love to
open every door... to set me free... so I can soar!  If someone like you...
found someone like me... then suddenly... nothing would ever be the same... my
heart would take wing... and I'd feel so... alive!  If someone... like you...
loved me... loved me... loved me..."
	My voice broke on the last note and I fell sobbing onto the bed again.  I
had just fucked everything up!  Justin will never like me anymore!  Why was I so
stupid?  He was just trying to care for me, to help me, and I drove him away!!
	Then Joey came and gave me a hug, just like Justin did only a couple of
days ago.  I fell into his arms and wailed.
	"Now, I understand," he said a little sadly.
	"W-w-what, J-Joey?" I stuttered.
	"You and Justin, Ryan," he told me quietly.
	I slowly stopped crying.  "What are you talking about?  There is no 'me
and Justin,' Joey.  There's no chance, there never was."  I was getting upset
again.
	He shook his head, but I cut him off.  "And even if there was a chance, I
just ruined it.  There's no way that he'll ever like me anymore.  God, Joey,
what am I gonna do?"
	He held me a little closer.  "Ryan, I can tell you right now that Justin
is not going to hate you forever.  He's not like that.  He's very sensitive, as
you know, and..."
	I cut him off again, "... I just totally destroyed his feelings by
screaming at him because I didn't want to tell him how I feel..." I broke off,
seeing Joey's strange look.  "What, Joey?"
	His eyes started to water.  "Ryan, I... really love you."
	I started to sob.  "Joey, I love you too... but as my closest friend, even
my brother.  But just not like that.  I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry."  He held
back his tears and looked so sad, but he smiled just slightly.  "Then I guess
I'll have to settle for that." He said ruefully.
	"Joey, you're going to find someone out there for you, really.  I mean it.
There're plenty of guys-"
	"Or girls," he amended.
	"Girls?  You're bi?"  He nodded.  "Interesting.  OK, then, guys or girls
out there for you.  You're cute, you're sensitive, and you have an awesome
personality.  I know that there'll be someone, and I'll always be here to
support you."
	He choked back his last tears and gave me a deep hug.  I smiled and hugged
him back.  "Thanks, Joey.  I can't tell you how much I owe you."
	"Already, guy," he joked.  "It's only been a couple of days and you owe me
huge!"
	"Huge?" I protested.  "Look how much you ate!"
	"Yeah, well I was intending on paying the bill, but you were so stubborn-"
	"I prefer the term 'determined'" I countered.
	"Fine. Determined to pay for it all," he finished.
	"Yeah, to pay you back for the shopping trip."
	"But... but..."
	"Face it Joey.  I won this one."
	He smiled again.  "All right, but next one's mine!"
	I laughed and steeled myself.  "I guess I'd better go apologize to
Justin."  I wasn't looking forward to it.
	"You'd better wait," he warned me.  "Lance is with him right now, and his
eyes could kill anyone he looks at at the moment."
	"Lance?" I asked with a sinking feeling.
	"Yep.  He's madder than anyone I've ever met."  I started to shake, I was
so mad at him.
	"What's wrong?"  He sounded concerned, like he thought I was going into a
seizure or something.
	"That son of a bitch!  He's trying to turn Justin against me, I can feel
it!"
	"He wouldn't do that.  He's just trying to comfort Justin, just like I did
for you, you goof!"
	"Where're your eyes, Joey?  He's hated me since I got here.  I thought
he'd lightened up and calmed down, but now, it's obvious that once he gets an
opportunity like this he shows his true colors!"
	"Ryan, he doesn't deserve something like that from you.  You barely know
him," Joey reprimanded me firmly.
	"Exactly!  I know you and Chris and JC and..." I stopped.  "But I don't
know HIM at all!  He won't get involved enough to trust me."
	"Ryan, just give him a chance to calm down..."

	We argued back and forth about that for a while, but then I remembered
that we had to go to the photoshoot.  "Joey, I'll just... wait here.  Let's not
get Lance or Justin any more upset than they already are, OK?"
	He nodded his head.  "I'll go and get them ready."
	He got up to leave.  "And Joey," I called after him.
	Joey turned around when he heard me.  "Yeah?"
	"Thanks.  Break a leg!"
	He smiled.  "Thanks a lot."

	The guys left the hotel after a couple of minutes.  I heard them go and
the only voices I heard were Joey's, Chris's and JC's.  Neither Justin nor Lance
really said anything.
	"Cheer up, Curly.  Whatever it is can't be that bad."  Chris was trying
over and over again, but to no avail.
	"Joey, do you know what's going on?" JC asked worriedly.
	"Well, I do, but we have to let them figure it out by themselves.  You
guys know they'll tell us when they're ready."
	"Yeah, I guess so.  I'm just worried is all," JC responded quietly.  "This
photoshoot is important, but if they're not up to it for some reason, maybe we
can re-schedule it," he offered.
	"I don't know, JC," Joey countered.  "I think that maybe keeping them busy
will keep them from brooding on their problems."
	"Hmm..." JC thought.  "You might be right.  It's a good thing we don't
have anything for tonight.  And the next couple of days will be boring, but at
least they won't be crazy."
	"JC," Chris began, "don't forget that we have tickets to see 'Jekyll &
Hyde' tonight.  It might do them some good."
	"Shhh, they'll hear you."  Joey told them both, assuming a fatherly pose
that made Chris and JC laugh.
	"What?"  He assumed a lofty, dignified pose that had the others doubling
over.  But Lance and Justin didn't participate.  Instead, Lance had a death-
stare etched on his face as though carved in solid granite.  Nothing could stand
before that gaze, and no one wanted to try.  Justin, on the other hand looked
miserable.  His eyes were red and puffy, he was pale and obviously had been
crying very hard.  He stared dejectedly at the ground and for some reason, he
started humming the melody that he'd heard me humming earlier, only this time it
was slower and a little sadder.

I was of course unaware of this, as I was trying to find words to this
same melody while they were gone.  I immediately decided that the tempo needed
to be decreased and made into more of a minor key to make it sadder and more
serious.  But the words still eluded me.

	They arrived at the photographer's studio a little later, an old,
dilapidated-looking building from the outside, but clean and new on the
interior.  While posing for the first shot, the photographer called out,
"Justin, is that all you're going to give me?  C'mon, I thought you were
supposed to be a sexual icon."
	Justin managed to smile a little bit.  "Give me more, Justin.  C'mon, kid,
a little bit more."
	He did, but his eyes tightened and grew bright as though he were holding
back tears.  The photographer didn't even notice.  "That's great!  Keep it
going!"  He started taking pictures like mad, trying to get in as many as
possible before Justin's smile faded.  That was when he noticed Lance.
	"Lance!  You're trying to sell MUSIC, not horror movies!  Loosen up,
lighten up!"  Lance's eyes stayed tight, but his face looked normal.  "Can't you
do any more?"  The photographer asked.  Lance just shook his head.  "OK, but
these aren't going to be great if you guys aren't going to cooperate."  And he
resumed taking pictures from different angles, with the guys in different
positions-trying to highlight their best qualities on film.
	After several hours, the shoot was done and the guys were ready to leave.
They were more exhausted than they normally were after something like that and
wanted to go rest for a little while.
	I saw them coming back to the hotel, and I hurriedly got dressed.  I
wasn't sure what I was going to say to Justin, but I knew I needed to.  Once I
heard them come back to their rooms, I called Joey's number.
	"Yeah?"  he answered.
	"Joey, it's me.  I need just one more big favor from you."
	"What is it, man?  We're all pretty tired."
	"That works fine, Joey.  I need you to call Lance and keep him busy for
fifteen or twenty minutes while I go apologize to Justin."
	"Ryan, I still don't think that this is the best time..."
	"I know it is," I cut him off.  "I've been thinking about it all day and
I've finally come up with how to do it."
	"All right.  I'll do it.  I just hope it works, 'cause if not..."
	"We'll handle it, man.  Thanks.  I owe you another one."
	"You sure do."  And he hung up.
	A few minutes later, I heard Lance stalking out to Joey's room, still
really pissed.  I snuck a quick peek out my door and shivered.  Such a nice,
gentle face so locked in hatred... I almost cried.  That used to be me.
	I steeled myself up and went to Justin's room.  When I knocked, I heard
him quietly, sadly, say, "Come in."
	I opened the door and he stared at me with tears in his eyes.  "Justin,
I'm so sorry," I rushed on, not giving him any opportunity to stop me or just do
anything else besides listen.  "I yelled at you for no reason and I really hurt
the friendship that we had."  Tears welled up in my eyes.  "I don't know what I
was doing.  You've been the greatest friend and I hurt you to save my own ass.
I'm sorry."
	"Save your own ass?" He asked, seeming to be a little amused by my
gushiness.  His eyes were still bright with unshed tears, but at least they were
unshed.
	"Yeah.  I wanted to say... well, it's hard to say anything like this."
	"Just tell me.  I promise it'll be all right.  I mean, we did that before
with the dream, didn't we?"
	"Yeah, but the words just don't come out very well."
	"I understand.  It's not important."
	"Yes it is.  Oh, I finished the words to that song that I've been working
on."
	He blinked.  "Are these two related?"
	"Yeah, J.  I'm going to use my song to say it, if that's all right with
you."
	"Sure.  I'm all ears."  He smiled and tears seemed to vanish.
	"Well, I'm still working on it a little, but the words are in place."
	So I started singing:
	"You helped me to run... you helped me to fly... helped me to free the me
inside... helped me hear... the music of my heart..."
	Justin stared at me incredulously...

	Lance, meanwhile was having a heated conversation with Joey.  "Joey, he
has got to go!  He's tearing the group apart.  I swear, I've never seen Justin
so miserable."
	Joey held up a hand, signaling for calm.  "Lance, I'm sure it's just a
misunderstanding.  You know, like the one you and JC had a few weeks ago.  You
guys apologized and everything was OK afterwards."
	"Yeah, but you just don't understand, Joey."  Lance's voice had a hint of
desperation to it.  "You just don't know what he's doing."
	"I think I do, Lance.  I also know what you're doing.  I just don't
understand it."
	"I-I don't like him very much.  Yeah, he's a nice guy-you were right about
that, but he's..." Lance broke off as he heard my voice coming from the
direction of Justin's room, singing.
	He jumped up and burst out of Joey's room.  He flung open the door and
almost ran to Justin's door.  He jerked it open just as I was starting the last
verse, which Justin somehow joined in creating the harmony that I had in mind
when I first hummed the melody.
	"You opened my eyes... you opened the door... to something I've never felt
before... and your love... is the music of my heart."
	"Ho-How did you know those words?" I asked, staring at him in wonder.
Neither of us saw Lance's glare soften and his anger melt as he backed away and
quietly shut the door.
	He smiled now: his true, gorgeous smile that he keeps private.  "I've been
thinking about your little melody too and I came up with the exact same words."
	"Justin, this only shows how connected we are.  It happened with the
dream-"
	"Twice."  He cut me off.
	"Twice?  When was the last time?"
	"Didn't you just call out to me last night?"
	"Yeah, how did you know that?"
	"I heard you in my dream."
	"How much more proof can there be that we're somehow connected?"  I asked.
So Justin, let me say now what I wanted to for a while.  "I love you.  Please,
don't hate me for it."
	He shook his head with tears in his eyes and leaned forward and kissed
me...


** That's part 5.  I hope you guys like it.  I thought I'd go farther, but this
is long enough, don't you think.  The next part will be around shortly.  Thanks
again, everyone who's written me with reinforcement.  I couldn't do it without
you.**