Date: Tue, 15 Jun 1999 13:52:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: tumbler99@yahoo.com
Subject: "'N SYNC Savior - Part Four"

Note: This is a complete work of fiction.  I am not implying that any
character within this story is gay or bisexual.  This is just my fantasy,
so let me have it!!!  I'm planning on making this a continuing plot, with
twists and turns and everything else thrown in.  So please, don't be afraid
to send any comments my way.  Since I've never been to New York I may need
a little help with some scenery and stuff.  Please e-mail me at
tumbler99@yahoo.com


'N SYNC Savior

 Chapter Four

     I got up suddenly and picked through my clothes.  "Who am I going to
meet?" I thought.  "What do I need to wear?  Are they punk rock, pop,
country, what?"  I finally found my favorite pair of jeans and a dark green
shirt that brought out my eyes.  I had already combed my hair after my
shower but as I looked in the mirror I was a little shocked as to how
noticeable the scratches and red neck were.  "God, what am I doing here?"
     I turned around to Adam, who was standing by the door, and told him I
was ready.  We walked out into the hall and I was surprised at how quiet it
was.  But, it was probably a private hall if a band was up here.  We slowly
strolled through the hall until we'd reached the middle door.  Adam looked
at me and laughed, sensing my nervousness.  "Don't worry, they won't bite."
He reached for the door handle and gave it a slight turn.  He pushed the
door open with one hand as he lightly pushed my back with the other.  I
made the mistake of looking across the room into the open patio door and
the bright light blinded me for a second.
     "Well, you must be Adam's friend," I heard a soft voice say.  I
blinked my eyes and focused in on the owner of the voice.  As those bright
dots slowly faded from my eyes I realized who was talking to me.  My mouth
dropped open but I kept myself from screaming.  I'm not really a screamer;
I can get loud when I want to, but I'm still not much of a screamer.  I
struggled for breath for a few seconds, trying to find my voice again, when
I felt a hand on my shoulder.

     I looked over at Adam who was lightly massaging my shoulder.  As he
smiled at me I felt my composure come back.
     "Guys, I want you to meet a special friend of mine.  His name is Matt,
and he's from Kansas.  He....well....he," Adam was fumbling for words,
looking over at me to see if it was safe to proceed.  I nodded at him,
still unable to bring myself to look at JC.
     "Well, he kinda had some troubles last night and I brought him up here
to rest and relax a little.  Oh God, forgive me for being so rude.  Matt,
this is Lance," and he pointed to a young man with bright, spiky hair who
gave a little nod and continued watching - "Justin," an even younger man
who's almost-white curls were running wild - "Joey," a bigger, older man
who had a pretty bad red-dye job - "Chris," who was sitting on the bed,
eating from a big plate of food, with tight braids falling into his face -
"and last but certainly not least, JC," who stuck out his hand to shake
mine.  I looked into his eyes and felt myself fall back again.  His
beautiful light blue eyes seemed to pierce my soul and brighten my day.
Without thinking about it my face broke into a grin and my hand shot out.
I gave him a firm shake even though I was feeling a little woozy.
     "These are the guys from...."
     "....'N Sync.  Yes, I know," I interrupted Adam.  "It's a pleasure to
finally meet you.  To be honest I never thought I would get the chance."  I
continued staring into JC's eyes until he pulled his hand out of mine and
turned to where his food was sitting.  My grin faded as I looked at his
strong back.  I shook myself and turned towards the rest of the group.  It
felt like I was screaming on the inside, yet totally miserable on the
outside.  I noticed that Justin was still watching me; he had sleep in the
corners of his eyes.  He opened his mouth to ask me a question but Chris
beat him to it.
     "So what are you doing here in New York, Matt?"  I drew my eyes away
from the teen and looked at the bed.  Chris' voice was fairly high pitched
- not like a girl's - but higher than a normal range.  It sounded weird at
first, actually hearing it in person, but I soon grew accustomed to it.  I
thought of the real reason why I was here and suddenly realized how awful
it sounded.  A fully paid, two-week vacation to the Big Apple, staying in a
nice hotel and eating at the nicest restaurants?  God, no wonder other
people thought I was a spoiled brat.
     "Well, I'm actually here for a few weeks for a vacation.  A little,
um.... a big graduation present you could say, although I think it was more
of an excuse to get me out of the house.  I arrived last night and on my
way to the hotel I...." my face dropped as I suddenly remembered what
happened.  Adam noticed this and jumped in.
     "And he ran into me."  He looked at the guys and made it clear that
the issue was closed for awhile.  He pulled a chair out and sat me down
gently.  I felt the tear slide down my cheek as the memory flooded my mind.
I felt the pain race through my body as I sat on the hard chair.  I let out
a small cry, drawing everyone's attention.  Lance looked at me with concern
on his face and Justin actually stood up.  Adam held his hand out,
motioning for them to stay.  I looked up at him and shook my head.
     "Please Adam, don't baby me.  You've been a big help but I can do this
myself.  I'm not going to lie to these guys about what happened, and since
I've got to talk about it sometime I might as well do it today."  I lightly
eased back in the chair, putting more of my weight on my back than my ass.
I saw Justin sit down as Chris sat up a little straighter.  JC had finally
looked my way and was watching me with fascination.
     
     "I did run into Adam last night.  Kind of.  He actually ran into me."
I took a deep breath and felt Adam's hand on my shoulder.  I could see a
pained look run through JC's eyes, but I didn't understand what it meant.
"I was being foolish.  I told myself that I could walk the short distance
to my hotel from the airport.  I like to walk and I'm pretty good with
directions - I figured I would be all right.  I guess I wasn't as good at
them as I thought."  I chuckled to myself as Lance spoke up.
     "You got lost, didn't you?"  I could hear his Southern accent and I
had to smile.  I nodded my head as I felt another tear fall from my lashes.
     "Yeah, I got lost.  I got frustrated.  I got angry.  I got
disappointed.  I got all of those things and on top of them all I got what
I thought was help.  I met this....man....at an outdoor cafe.  He wasn't
that interested in helping me at first.  He was more interested in looking
at my bod....I mean, he was more interested in his drink."  I stopped
myself for a second, already fed up with the small lies I had been telling.
I looked around the room, into 5 different pairs of eyes.  "You don't want
to hide your true feelings or your true self, right?" I was asked by my
conscience.  It didn't wait for me to answer.  "So just tell them."
     "God, I just met you all and I've already hidden the truth from you."

     I felt a strong pull draw my gaze to Chris.  I looked him in the eye
and could feel him searching me for the truth.  I slowed my breath and let
him look, thankful I didn't have to talk.  He smiled slightly and laughed.
     
     "Is that all?  That's what you're worried about?"  I nodded my head
and felt another tear slip from my eye.  "Guys, Matt here was lost and when
he came to an outdoor cafe he saw a really hot guy.  He went to get help
from him but the guy only seemed to be interested in his body.  Okay, now
do you want to go on?"  Chris looked over at me and as he gave me an
encouraging smile I broke out in laughter.  But then it dawned on me
exactly what he had said.  I looked around the room to see the reactions of
his friends and was shocked.  Justin was sitting in a chair and smiling
wide, thinking the situation so far was funny.  "Oh, just wait until you
hear the rest of the story Justin," I thought to myself.  Joey was sitting
on the ground now, nodding his head for me to continue.  I looked over at
Lance and saw him shake his head.
     "Don't worry about that Matt.  You've got to do a lot worse to have us
dislike you.  Like saying the Backstreet Boys are better than we are.  That
might do it."  That brought a laugh to the room and I felt the tension
being lifted.  Until I looked at JC.
     
     His eyes were down and they might have been shut, I couldn't tell for
sure.  His head was slightly moving, as if he was shaking it.  I had no
idea what he was thinking but I did know he wasn't looking up at me and
giving his support.  I felt my heart drop even farther.
     "I met....Mark....at that outdoor cafe and he wasn't going to give me
directions.  But before I could walk away to find someone else he was at my
side, telling me he would walk with me the rest of the way.  I probably
should have said no right then but I was lost, and cold, and frustrated,
and yes, he was hot," I said, smiling at Chris, "so I accepted.
     "We started walking and he started talking.  We hit some subjects that
interested both of us and I guess I started flirting with him.  I didn't
even think about it; I just did it.  I might have been forcing myself too
hard, telling myself not to hide anymore, but I did flirt with him and
that's what started it all.
     "We had been walking for awhile when he told me he knew a shortcut
through an alley.  I started getting nervous - I remembered all of those
old movies I'd seen - but he had that smile."  I paused.  "God, why did I
let him get to me like that?" I looked up to the ceiling and tried to
control my rapid breathing.  I felt Adam's hand caress my shoulder again
which was quickly joined by a second hand on my arm.  I looked over and saw
Lance sitting next to me, motioning for me to go on.  I closed my eyes as
the scene started to replay itself in my mind's eye.  I could tell the
group was entranced with my story, but I was reliving it again and there
was nothing I could do about it.
     "We were in the alley when he suddenly stopped.  He did this 360 turn,
looking for someone or something, and then just started laughing.  I think
he did it to get me even more nervous than I already was.  Then as I was
walking towards the end of the alley he grabbed my arm and....and he....he
pulled me into him and kissed me."  The tears were flowing faster now as I
continued.  "He told me that I had been flirting with him all night....and
that he couldn't wait any longer.  He pushed me against the wall and leaned
towards me again.  I tried to kick him, I really did, but he was too
strong.  And then he kicked me....and my head, it hit the ground....and
then he was on top of me....and he was so strong...."
     I stopped for a second, not hearing a sound in the room.  My head was
throbbing - it had started from the moment I reached that part of the
story.  I could still feel the guys around me - but I could also feel the
cold night wind, the hard concrete, the fierceness of Mark's motions.
     
     "He pulled down our pants and got himself....situated, I suppose.  I
was crying hard by then, feeling the shame overwhelm me.  And
then....then....oh God....it hurt so much Adam.  I felt like I was being
torn apart....the heat was overwhelming, burning my body...."
     "But before I knew it he was done.  I couldn't move, though.  My mind
was closing itself off and nothing was working right anymore.  He kicked at
my body and yelled at me, calling me names.  But I couldn't move, my body
wouldn't let me.  And then....God, then he leaned over...."  I started
crying harder, unable to speak.
     I felt Justin come up and softly hold my face in his hands, wiping
away my tears with his thumbs.  If I wouldn't have been reliving the rape
I'm sure I would have flipped, knowing he was holding my face.  He looked
into my eyes - eyes that were seeing a darkened alley and a rapist, not a
warm hotel room and a beautiful teen - and started crying himself.
     "Go on Matt.  Get it all out."
     "He leaned over me and whispered in my ear....He told me that I
deserved it, that it was all my fault.  And it was my fault....I flirted
with him, practically giving myself to him....I....I....Oh God, I deserved
it."  I finally hit my breaking point and was thrown back to the present.
My eyes exploded with a fresh batch of tears as I felt Justin pull me in
for a hug.  Adam's hand moved from my shoulder to my back and I could feel
him rubbing me lightly.  I couldn't see or feel the other guys, only Justin
and Adam.  I sunk into his body, feeling his warmth spread into me.  Even
though he was crying too, he had a calmness about him that spread into me.
I felt my shudders die down as my breaths slowed.  My heart continued to
beat fast as I softly pulled back.
     "Thanks Justin.  I needed that.  I didn't mean to get so emotional.  I
think I'm done now."
     Justin pulled back slowly with tears rolling down his cheeks.  "After
what you've been through you deserve to get emotional.  Don't be afraid to
let it all out."
     I looked over at Lance and saw the wetness on his cheeks.  He gave me
an encouraging nod.  Joey was still on the floor but by now he had bright
sparkles in the corners of his eyes.  He hadn't quite managed the nerve to
let them fall.  He quickly sniffed and wiped at his eyes with his thumb.
Chris was slowly sliding off the bed, walking over to me quietly.  Justin
crawled over a few feet to let Chris kneel in front of me.  He gathered me
up in his arms and gave me a strong hug, rubbing his hands on my back like
you do when you see your Grandmother after a long break.  I could feel his
tears on my shoulder as my fabric became wet.  I actually let out a little
laugh, realizing that I've never seen the personal sides of these 5
wonderful guys.  Chris pulled away lightly and looked into my eyes
quizzically.
     "Oh, you didn't think we got emotional, did you?  Well, we're normal
people just like everyone else."  He spoke softly as I smiled down at him.
I was going to reply when I felt my eyes being drawn to the far side of the
room.  JC was the only one not next to me.  I looked at him hopefully for a
second, until I realized he was angry.  I saw that his perfect skin was
dry, without a trace of a tear.  I saw that his crystal blue eyes weren't
so lovely anymore, not when they were clouded with hate and anger.  I saw
that his muscles were tight, flexed like he was ready to pounce on an
unsuspecting foe.  I opened my mouth to say something - I don't even know
what was going to come out - but he stopped me by standing up.

     He did a quick glance around the room as everyone stared up at him.
Lance was opening his mouth to speak but nothing came out.  JC turned with
his eyes still filled with anger and stormed out of the room.  He slammed
the door behind him and I could hear his footsteps running down the hall.
The sound brought back last night, when Mark ran away, and I started to cry
again.  I felt Adam's hand on me as Chris pulled me in for a hug.  Lance
finally seemed to find his words as he softly whispered.
     "And some of us get emotional in other ways.  You don't know Josh like
the rest of us do - he isn't normally like this.  He just doesn't know how
to let his emotions out.  I'm positive that this has nothing to do with you
personally."  Lance looked into my eyes and I felt myself fall once again,
staring into his unusual green eyes.
     As my crying slowly stopped I had to smile.  "Well, I guess I couldn't
get all of you on my side, could I?"  I thought I was trying to be funny
but I saw the pained expression on Lance's face.
     "Don't say that.  JC has always devoted his life to his music.  That
hasn't left much time for emotional maturity,' I suppose.  I know it
sounds like I'm defending him, but I'm not.  I'm just trying to give you an
explanation," he paused for a second.  "Wait here.  I'll go talk to him
really quick."  He stood, ready to move away from the group, when Justin
spoke up.
     "No, Lance.  I've handled this before.  I think I should be the one to
go."  He spoke quietly but with conviction.  I peeked over at Lance to
check out his reaction.  Surprisingly, he sat back down and nodded his
head.  I smiled lightly to myself.  "God, they really do know everything
about each other.  Lance didn't even blink when Justin spoke."
     "Thank you Justin, but I really don't want to start anything here...."
I was cut off as Justin started moving away.
     "As much as you'd like to believe that, you didn't start this Matt.
We've all seen this coming.  We all knew JC would reach a point where he
wouldn't be able to hide his emotions the way he normally does.  I'll be
back in a bit."  As he reached the door and turned the knob he looked back
at me and smiled.  His curly hair, though still messed up, framed his face
perfectly.  I couldn't help but laugh.

     The door closed behind Justin and I let out a long sigh.  Luckily his
footsteps weren't loud enough for me to hear.
     "I can't believe I'm sitting next to you guys and telling you what
happened to me last night.  I mean, you guys are like superstars.  I've
seen you on T.V., in magazines, on the radio, everywhere but an actual
concert....but I never thought I would ever meet you.  And you're all
so....normal....I guess that's the word I'm looking for.  Well, except for
JC...."I slowly trailed off as I felt Chris rub my arm lightly.
     "Don't worry about him.  Justin will bring him back soon enough.  And
don't worry about us either.  We are normal - we just have a really awesome
job.  It's been our dream to be able to perform in front of sold-out
audiences and be poster-boys in magazines and hear our music on the radio,
but underneath it all, we're human."
     Lance spoke up next.  "I just met you a few hours ago but I already
know that you're more different than we are.  And I'm not talking about the
gay thing....There's just something about you that's different.  But not in
a bad way, don't get me wrong.  I feel connected to you somehow, kind of
like a brother I suppose."  His southern accent and deep voice melted into
my soul and I felt myself smile.
     "Wanna know the truth?  I feel the same way with you.  But I thought
it was only because I've read so much stuff about the group.  I've seen the
interviews and bought a few of the books," I stopped to laugh quietly.
"And you should see some of the fan-fiction that's posted on the net.
There are some really good stories that have been written by everyday
people.  And I know that those stories aren't you, but I still feel like I
know you."  I paused for a second to smile again at Lance.  "I'm trying not
to act like a lunatic fan, but I really mean what I say about feeling the
connection.  It does feel like it's more than just a friendship, doesn't
it?"
     "Yes it does.  I think our personalities are surprisingly similar...."
     "Oh, they are," I said, cutting him off.  He started laughing as he
continued.
     "And we already finish each others sentences...."
     "Well, technically I didn't finish your sentence but...."
     "But that's something I would have said.  And that time I did finish
yours."  We smiled and laughed at our little exchange as Joey coughed
loudly, trying to get our attention.
     
     "If you guys are done talking about your brotherly relationship, I'd
like to get to know Matt better too," he said sarcastically.
     "What, am I chopped liver?  I want to get to know him, too," Chris
whispered quietly as a small pout formed on his face.
     "Oh, is that what I've been smelling since I walked in here," Adam
shot back.  We all laughed as the mood brightened even more.  We talked for
a few minutes about my life.  I told them a little bit about Kansas and how
boring it was living in the middle of nowhere.  Lance spent a lot of time
reminiscing about Mississippi.  I could see the pain in his eyes and I knew
he missed his family and home more than he let on.  I turned my head
slowly, reminding myself that Lance and I weren't the only ones in the
room.
     "So what about you Chris?  How are you handling your new life on the
road?"  I looked down at Chris, who was sitting at my feet, and smiled as
his braids fell in his face.
     "Well, I really enjoy it actually.  But I'm older than Lance and Just.
And I've always loved traveling and meeting new people.  You don't realize
how similar people are, and yet how different at the same time...."
     "You'd be surprised at how much I know.  Even though I live in Kansas
I've seen plenty in my life.  My dad's a pilot so we fly pretty much
everywhere we go.  I've already been to 7 countries in Europe and most of
the continental U.S.  I love to people watch and I'm pretty observant even
when I'm not doing that, so....yeah....I've seen a lot."  I sighed a little
as this realization hit me.  I knew I had done all of those things, but
saying them out loud, all at once, made it finally sink it.
     "People watch?  What's that?"  Lance asked.
     I looked over at him and smiled.  "You mean you've never people
watched?  I thought we were so similar...."
     "Oh, hush," he laughed.  "Just explain it!!"
     "Okay, okay.  People watching is where you go into a crowded area,
like an airport - that is where I do it most of the time - and just watch
people.  You make up little scenes and fantasies about the people you see.
It's like....well....it's really hard to explain.  I'll just have to show
you guys sometime.  Don't worry, you'll enjoy it."
     The conversation was slowly turning.  We hit everything from home life
to school to music.  Obviously we all had our own viewpoints but I found
Lance and myself agreeing more and more as the hours went by.  Chris and
Joey, I found out, were pretty similar in their thinking also.  Chris was
definitely a little wilder, but Joey wasn't a tight-ass by any means!  Adam
was the only one who was acting quiet throughout the conversation.

     "Adam, is there something bothering you?  You haven't even asked any
questions," Joey asked.
     "I'm sorry guys.  I'm just going over a lot of things in my head.
Ever since I found you last night, Matt....I've....I've just had a lot on
my mind."  Adam slowly turned his head to stare out the window but Joey
wouldn't let it go.
     "Sorry bud, that isn't going to cut it.  You know that we don't have
any secrets within the group.  Spill it Adam."  We all stared at Adam as he
shook his head lightly.
     "You sure don't take any excuses, do you?"
     "Nope."
     "Well, I suppose you guys deserve to know," Adam started.  "When I
found Matt last night and brought him up to my room I realized something: I
knew exactly how to take care of him.  I felt my fatherly instinct take
over and guide me throughout the night.  I....I just know that I'm supposed
to be doing something like that in life.  I'm supposed to be helping
people, not....not traveling through the country and serving meals to the
rest of the managers.  I don't want to offend you guys, but this isn't for
me."  He paused for a second.  "I'm going to leave the group."  As the
three singers started, lifting themselves up, Adam held out his hand.  "I
know what you're going to say, but it won't do any good.  I've always
wanted to become a counselor or a psychologist.  I've always felt the
calling to help people.  I just can't do this anymore."
     As he finished his little speech he dropped his head lightly.  I could
see the corner of his eyes moisten as we stared at him.  I knew this wasn't
my place so I sat back and waited quietly.  Luckily, Chris broke the
silence.
     "Is this what you really want?" He asked, always the one to follow his
heart.  Adam just nodded his head, still looking down at his hands.
     Lance spoke up next.  "Are you going to be able to get out of your
contract?"  I would have laughed at his practicalness if the scene would
have been different.
     "I'm not sure," Adam whispered, "but I'm sure Doug with be cool with
it if I explain."
     Joey was the only one left to speak.  He paused for what felt like an
eternity but finally spoke up.  "We'll all miss you bud.  You know that you
were always one of our favorites.  No one else treated us as nice as you
did....God, I'm talking like you've already left.  No one else treats us as
nice as you do," he corrected himself.
     Adam sighed and even laughed a little.  "Thanks guys.  You don't know
how much this is hurting me, but it's something I have to do.  I'm glad you
understand."
     I looked up at him lightly, wondering if it was all right to speak.
But, I've never been one to hold my tongue for too long, so I let loose.
     "I'm not about to be the one to be pessimistic.  I just want to thank
you for everything you've done for me.  I know someone would have found me
sooner or later but I'm glad it was you and not some freak.  And, you've
brought me here to meet these wonderful guys," I smiled.  "I've also
experienced your fatherly instincts' as you call them, and I can say
that they are first- class.  There are going to be plenty of lucky people
who come into your office to talk about their problems."
     
     Adam smiled as a tear slipped down his face.  He leaned down for a
hug, which I returned gratefully.  Somehow I doubted this would be the last
hug we shared but I wasn't going to pass it up.  As he lightly rubbed my
back with his hand he whispered in my ear quietly.
     "I'm never going to forget you.  You're the reason I'm going to get my
life back on the track that it should have been on from the beginning.
Thank you for everything you've shown me."  He pulled away softly as I
started crying.
     "Forget me?  How am I ever going to forget you??  You're the special
one here - not me."  He stopped crying as his jaw dropped and he stared,
shocked.
     "What?  How can you be so special and still not see it?  I didn't do
anything spectacular.  You're the one who's opened my eyes and shown me how
people should be.  YOU are the special one, Matt...."

     We were interrupted as the door was thrown open.  Adam's head whipped
to the left as I slowly turned that way also.  Lance stood quickly as Joey
and Chris stared.  Justin walked through the door with a frown on his face.
He moved out of the doorway as he turned back to pull someone through the
door.  Grabbing hold of JC's shirt Justin led him to the middle of the
room.  I sat quietly in the chair as they walked up to me.  Chris had moved
out of the way, allowing JC to stand directly in front of me.
     I looked up at him, seeing his baby blue eyes peer into my own soft
sea-green's.  I felt a shiver run through my body as I felt him peer into
my soul.  I tried to tear myself away but couldn't.  His powerful aura was
too much for me; I couldn't move an inch.  I felt a gasp escape my lips as
he slowly kneeled in front of me.  Reaching softly for my hand he lifted it
slightly and held it in his soft, warm fingers.  Throughout this all we had
not broken our stare, which lasted for another long spell.  Finally, when I
felt like my heart was about to burst, I saw his mouth open as he began to
speak.


To be continued....