Date: Tue, 3 Apr 2001 20:09:13 -0700 (PDT)
From: Robin <nsajscgirl@yahoo.com>
Subject: Open Your Heart

Disclaimer:  I do not know *N Sync or their sexual preferences.  If it is
illegal for you to read fictional stories about male/male relationships
where you live, please leave.  Same thing goes if you just don't like the
idea of two beautiful men in love.

Title:  Open Your Heart
Author:  Robin (nsajscgirl@yahoo.com)
Rating:  R
Pairing:  Joey/Lance
Notes:  Thank you to Mikko for help with the title and thanks to Cele who
always helps me out so much.  :)  Feedback is always nice.

Chapter 1

	He glowed.  He fucking glowed with some internal radiance.  That
was the first clue that Justin had been fucked.  When he stumbles into
breakfast with that glow surrounding him and a small smirk gracing his
lips, it tells one and all that Justin Timberlake has just gotten laid.
After five years it became easier and easier for Joey to spot and
harder and harder for him to bear. Chris just laughed at him like a
friend would, JC frowned at him like a disapproving father would, and
Lance ignored him like an acquaintance would.  But Joey...Joey studied
him; he watched Justin closely on those mornings, intent on finding out
what made Justin look that way, wondering idly if he could make Justin
look that way.
	"What a beautiful day!" Justin announced on that particular
morning after he'd gotten laid.  That was another thing...Justin was
always cheerful after fucking some lucky girl...something that caused
Joey no little bit of jealousy and bitterness.  When Justin turned
those sparkling, glowing eyes on him, his lips pulled into a beautiful
smile, Joey couldn't help but return the smile as genuinely as
possible, because he didn't want to *not* smile at smiling Justin.
	"So...who was the lucky girl?" Chris asked, hoping to get details
despite the fact that he was nearly thirty and should have some
decency.  Justin's shrug was almost as bad as Justin's glow.
	"Dunno..."
	"Jesus, Justin!  You've got to be fucking careful!  You can't
just go around screwing groupies at random!" JC exclaimed, to which
Justin rolled his eyes and picked at his food absentmindedly because
he'd heard this speech at least half million times.
	He mumbled the required, "I know," and "I'm careful," to ease
JC's mind a little before he turned and winked at Joey.  The smile Joey
managed was real and unaffected...as real and unaffected as Joey could
make it.
	As soon as breakfast was over, Justin sauntered out of the room
to finish packing--or at least that's what Joey assumed he was doing--
and Chris leaned over to Joey.
	"Jesus Christ!  Not even you, with all your charm, can woo the
ladies like Justin can!  He doesn't even have to try, the fucking
bastard!" he exclaimed loud enough so that his high pitched voice
reverberated throughout the small room.  Normally Joey would have
flashed a quick grin and a shrug, but Justin had been glowing.  He just
couldn't manage to fake it.
	"He's just a fucking kid and he's going to hurt someone one of
these days...being stupid!" JC said, adding his two cents into the
conversation.  Without comment, Joey stood from his chair and left the
room, unwilling to listen to his friends talk about Justin.  He didn't
miss the unreadable glance that Lance gave him.  He didn't miss it, but
he didn't understand it, either.

*****

	Out in the hallway, Joey was just in time to catch Justin
reentering his bedroom.  Lonnie stood near the elevator, about ten feet
from Justin's room, ever the silent guard.  He watched as Justin
disappeared into the recesses of his bedroom and shut the door behind
him.  Joey must've lost track of time because suddenly Lonnie was
standing in front of him, concern in his large, dark eyes.
	"...okay?" he heard.  Joey nodded numbly because he was okay and
continued towards his own room.  Lonnie's knowing eyes followed him
until he was safe in his room.  He pulled the shades closed and turned
off all of the lights.  It had become habit for him to do this every
day...after breakfast he'd close himself off completely to the world.  It
was the only time of the day that he didn't feel tired...or feel like
Joey Fatone, Jr.  He just felt like Joe during his 'quiet time' and
feeling like Joe was a good thing, in his opinion.  It kept him sane,
anyway.
More often than not, his thoughts would drift to Justin during
this 'quiet time'.  He didn't mind his thoughts drifting that way, but
sometimes he would try to stifle them.  Joe knew that nothing good
would ever come of them...'flights of fancy', he called them.  But
stifling them made him feel a bit guilty, like he wasn't being true to
himself, so he tried not to do it often.
	Most people would agree that Joey Fatone, Jr., didn't have a
romantic bone in his body.  The women he dated would invariably be put
off by his lack of romantic notions, but Joe...Joe was a romantic at
heart.  He could tell by his thoughts during his 'quiet time'.  He
wanted to wine and dine Justin, damn if he didn't.  He wanted to buy
the younger man roses, blood red roses and profess his undying
love...even Joey Fatone would scoff at that.  Joe wanted to buy Justin
whatever his young, fickle heart wanted.  He wanted to make sweet love
to him beneath a starry sky.  That's pretty much what he thought of
during his 'quiet time', and the irony wasn't lost on Joe.  The same
thing that helped him to keep his sanity was the very thing that made
him think he was going insane.

*****

	"Joey!  Let's get a move on, man!" Chris's shout was easily heard
through the solid hotel room door, startling Joey enough so that his
heart started to hammer in his chest.  He quickly stood and flipped the
lights back on, his eyes stinging at the intrusion of light.  Joey had
packed already and he took one last sweeping look at his room before
leaving it empty, looking as though no one had stayed there at all.
	"Hurry up, Joey.  We're going to be late," Lance said from near
the elevator.  As he approached the younger man, he could feel Lance's
eyes on him and he looked up quickly, hoping to catch Lance staring.
And he did catch him staring, but Lance didn't seem to care.  His large
green eyes were completely unreadable and Joey wondered how he did
that.  It almost looked like there wasn't a thought in the blonde's
head, but Joey knew differently, knew that Lance was full of
observations and thoughts that he wouldn't share with anyone.  As much
as they liked to pretend that they were five of the closest buddies on
the face of the earth, they weren't, and Lance was the best example of
that.  Lance was a good actor...a damn good actor.  No one really *knew*
Lance, but it wasn't for a lack of trying on their part...Lance just
didn't share.  The others had gotten used to it, but Joey still wasn't
sure why Lance wouldn't share his life with them, and it bothered him
more than just a little.
	They shared a bus, the two of them, and Joey didn't know what
Lance thought about clowns or GoldFish or photo shoots or anything
because Joey just didn't know.  He knew that kind of stuff about the
other guys.  He knew that JC *hated* clowns because one had snuck up
behind him when he was a kid and scared the shit out of him.  He knew
that Justin *loved* GoldFish, especially the real little ones because
then he could throw them in the air and catch them with his mouth--a
sight that never failed to fascinate Joey.  Joey knew that Chris
*despised* photo shoots because he hated to have his picture taken, he
always had, although he had kind of gotten used to them by now.  But
Joey didn't know *shit* about Lance.  He prided himself on being a
likeable kind of guy.  Lance often made him feel like he wasn't so
likeable, but they shared a bus together anyway, because evidently Joey
was the only one of the guys that Lance liked just enough.

*****

	The day passed slowly, hours dragging by as Joey watched TV at
the back of the bus and Lance did whatever he usually did to pass the
time...FreeLance stuff, Joey guessed.  That's how it usually was on the
Joey/Lance bus and Joey would eventually become so bored that he would
watch movies he'd seen a billion times, over and over again, praying
that he'd see something that he'd missed the first time.  It usually
worked if he had only seen the movie a few times, but by the billionth
time he could recite them line for line.  It never really occurred to
him that he could go talk to Lance to pass the time.  He just assumed
that the younger man wanted his space.  So that was why it was a
surprise when Lance stepped into the back of the bus and sat down next
to Joey on that particular day.  All Joey could do was look at him in
surprise, his mouth hanging open.
	"I was bored," Lance said, as if that explained everything, and
Joey supposed it did.  "What are we watching?"
	"*Dazed and Confused*," Joey replied, still wary of Lance's
presence.  Lance wrinkled his brow a bit.
	"Never seen it."  Joey just gaped at him.
	"You've never seen *Dazed and Confused*?!  Man, it rocks!  Nothin'
like the seventies, man.  Nothing like the seventies!"  Lance just
looked at him and Joey saw humor reflected in Lance's crystal eyes, an
emotion that he rarely saw in Lance's eyes.
	"The seventies?  Joey, you were just a few years old when the
seventies ended."  Joey shrugged.
	"This movie still rocks.  It's all about George Washington and
his weed," he said with a quick grin.
	"WHAT?  George Washington didn't grow weed!" Lance replied his
expression shocked--almost scandalized--and Joey watched him in
fascination.  This really was the first time he'd heard Lance talk
about something other than *N Sync.  In five years.
	"He did if you're really high, I guess.  The soundtrack rocks."
Lance fell silent after that, his attention focused wholly on the
movie.  They didn't speak although Joey was completely aware of Lance
by his side throughout the movie.  As the credits started to roll,
Lance turned to look at him.
	"What was the point of that?"
	"'Dunno, but you enjoyed it, didn't you?" Joey asked, watching
Lance's face curiously.  Lance shrugged and stood to his feet.
	"Thanks, Joe," he said softly before disappearing through the
door.  Joey could've sworn he heard a faint, "Alllriighhttt,
alllriighhttt, alllriighhttt," echo through the hallway, as drawn out
and southern as Matthew McConaughey had done it.
	/'What the fuck was that all about?'/ Joey thought to himself as
he set the VCR to rewind the tape.  He made his way to the front of the
bus, Lance's part of the bus, intent on figuring out what the hell had
gotten into his bandmate.  Lance was sitting at the kitchen table, his
back to Joey.  Lance's back stiffened as Joey cleared his throat and
slowly turned around to face the older man.
	"What?" he asked, his glasses framing expressionless eyes.  When
Joey didn't reply, only stared at Lance intently, the man at the table
sighed and turned back around to face his laptop.  Joey didn't know
where to start or what to ask, so he frowned at the back of Lance's
head and turned around.  He wanted to lose himself in another mindless
movie for another two hours...a real stupid one where he didn't have to
think about anything at all.  "Do you want to talk about him?"  Joey
whirled around, sure that he was hearing things.
	"What did you just say?"  Lance sighed heavily again before
turning to face Joey.  He pulled off his glasses and set them on the
table.
	"Do you want to talk about Justin?"  Joey could only gape at him.
He knew he looked like a large fish struggling for air, but at the same
time this was *Lance* asking him if he wanted to talk about *Justin*.
	"What about him?" Joey asked, his poor heart beating a million
miles a minute.  His voice took on an air of defensiveness and he
cursed himself inwardly because he knew that Lance noticed.  Evidently,
Lance noticed a lot of things.
	"Have a seat, Joe."  Lance waved a hand in the air towards the
opposite side of the table before turning his back on Joey once again.
He felt like he was being ushered into a shrink's office.  With numb
legs he moved forward until he fell into the seat across from Lance.
They were both silent for a moment, Lance studying him closely and Joey
trying desperately to avoid his piercing green eyes.  "You've got it
pretty bad...too bad he's straight."
	"Shut the fuck up.  What would you know about it?" Joey bit out,
suddenly angry that Lance assumed so much.  Fuck if he wasn't right,
though, and that thought made Joey angrier.  Lance's lips pulled into a
sort of half grimace, half smile.
	"You give yourself away, Joey.  You're too expressive."  Joey
frowned.  "This morning it looked like you were about to cry."  He
refused to just sit and listen to this.  He had his own space on the
goddamn bus.
	"Fuck you, Lance.  Forget about us ever being friends!" Joey exclaimed
as he jumped up and practically ran to the back.  He felt like he was
back in third grade after saying that last line, but he hadn't known
what to say...still didn't know what to say.  Obviously if Lance ever
wanted to be his friend, he would have made the effort a long time ago,
like five years ago.  And that had absolutely nothing to do with what
Lance had been talking about in the first place...he'd been talking about
Justin.  /'Fuck.'/  Joey felt his face flush at how he reacted, but
damn if he'd go back in there and apologize.  /'Fuck Lance,'/ Joey
thought with a frown as he slammed a random movie into the VCR and fell
to the floor.  /'Fuck him *and* fuck Justin too!'/


Copyright 2001 nsajscgirl.  All rights reserved.


Thanks for reading!
Send feedback to: nsajscgirl@yahoo.com