Date: Sat, 7 Apr 2001 17:55:43 -0700 (PDT)
From: Robin <nsajscgirl@yahoo.com>
Subject: Chapter 4, Open Your Heart, Boy-bands, Celebrity, Gay

Disclaimer:  I do not know *N Sync or their sexual preferences.  If it
is illegal for you to read fictional stories about male/male
relationships where you live, please leave.  Same thing goes if you
just don't like the idea of two beautiful men in love.

Title:  Open Your Heart
Author:  Robin (nsajscgirl@yahoo.com)
Rating:  R
Pairing:  Joey/Lance
Notes:  Thank you to Mikko for help with the title and thanks to Cele
who always helps me out so much.  :)  Thank you to everyone that's sent
feedback!  I appreciate it!

Chapter 4

He was watching another movie when Lance knocked softly knocked on
the door.

"What're you watching now?" Lance asked softly.

"L.A. Confidential."  Lance smiled at him and Joey couldn't help but
smile back.

"That's a lot different than Dazed and Confused."

"Yeah, both damn good movies, though," Joey replied.  "Want to watch
with me?"

"Yeah."  Lance sat down on the other end of the couch.

"You can sit closer.  I don't bite."  Lance blushed.  Joey discovered
that he really enjoyed making Lance do that.

"I'm good over here."

"Okay, just sayin'."  They watched the movie in silence, Joey
completely aware of Lance's presence.  As the credits rolled, Lance
turned to look at him.

"I'm sorry, Joey."  Joe settled himself back on the couch to look at
Lance, giving the younger man his full attention.  He sensed that
this was something important.  "I've always closed myself off from
people...not just strangers, but people I've known awhile, too.  Just
worried about opening myself up too much, I guess."

"Why?" Joey asked curiously.  Lance looked startled, almost as though
he was surprised that Joey would care.

"Um...a few reasons, I guess."

"What are they?"  Lance was quiet for a moment, his head bowed.  Joey
assumed he was gathering his thoughts.  Maybe Joey was pushing
Lance's boundaries...maybe Lance would tell him to fuck off, but then
again maybe he wouldn't.  Lance looked up at him.

"I've known I was gay for a while, Joey.  Pretty much since I was
fourteen years old.  I was teased a lot in high school...you know,
the whole cliche sob story.  I never had the guts to come out to my
parents or anyone else.  I've pretty much always felt alone...ya know
blah, blah, blah," Lance dismissed everything with a wave of his
hand.  He smiled lopsidedly at Joey.  "I saw the way you looked at
Justin and all of the sudden, I didn't feel quite so alone anymore."
Joey felt a warmth settle over his heart at Lance's words.  "What do
you think the other guys would say if they knew we were gay?"  Joey
was at a loss for words.  He'd never actually defined
himself...categorized himself.  He didn't know if he was ready for
that--much less telling the other guys that he might be gay.

"Well...I...um...never...not" he stumbled.  Lance watched him for a
minute before smiling that knowing smile that Joey quickly came to
hate.

"You don't think you're gay?" Lance asked.  Joey blushed and looked
away and Lance laughed.  The bastard.  "Joey..."

"Shut up.  I've just never...God, I mean, I just figured out a month
ago that I was...attracted to Justin.  I've never thought of other
guys that way until...until..."

"Until what, Joey?  What made you notice Justin?" Lance asked and
Joey could tell that Lance was actually interested in his answer.

"You're going to think I'm an idiot."

"No, I'm not.  Attraction is a weird thing, Joey.  Sometimes it's the
simplest things about a person that draws you to them.  Or the
weirdest things."  Joey nodded.  That made sense.

"Itshisarms," Joey mumbled.  Lance leaned forward a bit, his forehead
wrinkled in confusion.

"What?"

"His arms!  It's his arms.  I don't know why.  They're
just...well...yeah, hot."  Lance sat back dumbfounded.  Evidently
that was a new one for him.

"His arms?" Lance repeated before laughing.  It didn't take long for
Lance to double over with laughter, clutching his middle.  "His
arms?!  Joey!"

"What!?  You said it was the weirdest things that attract you to
people.  Why can't it be his arms?" Joey asked defensively.

"No, Joey...it can be.  I just...just never heard anyone say
something like that!" Lance exclaimed as he continued to laugh.  Now
Joey was more than embarrassed, he was annoyed.

"Okay!  What the hell?  You asked and I told you.  Stop laughing at
me!"

"S...sorry," Lance stuttered, making an attempt to calm
himself.  "So, what is it about his...arms that you like so much?"
Lance managed to ask with only half of a smile.  He was biting his
lower lip, though.  Joey glared at him.

"I don't know," Joey bit out.

"Joey, I'm sorry.  I'll stop laughing.  I promise."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Joey said.  He could only look at Lance for a
minute before they both burst into laughter.  "It is weird.
Honestly, I don't know why I think his arms are sexy.  It was just
once I realized his arms were sexy, I figured out that the rest of
him was sexy.  That's crazy, right?" he asked when they'd both calmed
down.

"So is it just a lust thing?  Do you...love him, you think?" Big
question...one that scared the hell out of Joey.

"I...I don't know.  I mean, of course, I love him.  He's one of my
best friends, but...love as in like want to marry him...I don't
know.  I don't think so...maybe it is just a lust thing," Joey
rambled on, trying to work through his thoughts out loud.  "I...you
know...I actually...no, nevermind."

"What, Joey?"  Joey shook his head.

"Nevermind."  Now Lance looked annoyed.

"What, Joey?"  Joey couldn't believe he was about to do this.

"I actually want to...ya know...court him."  Joey knew without a
doubt that his face was bright red.  He was thankful for the beard
that covered the lower half of his face.

"You want to court Justin?" Lance asked in surprise.  "Like take him
out on dates and stuff?"

"Yeah," Joey nodded reluctantly.  He'd said so much, he might as well
go all out.  "I want to buy him roses.  Take him to dinner...a fancy
place, kind of like the one you and I went to last night.  Read him
poetry and shit."  Lance actually snorted at that.

"Poetry and shit?" he repeated with a laugh.

"Shut up!" Joey said, but he couldn't stop the grin that crossed his
lips.

"Poetry and shit...you're such a sappy romantic, Joey!"  Lance's gaze
became serious and he studied Joey intently, making Joey a little
nervous.  "Somehow I never pictured you as a sappy romantic," Lance
said thoughtfully.

"I don't think anybody has," Joey said.  Lance smiled at him
sympathetically.

"Least of all Justin, huh?"

"Least of all," Joey agreed.

"So, you've never been attracted to another guy?"  Joey could tell
that Lance was purposefully trying to change the subject.  He was
grateful for that.  The last thing he wanted to do was dwell on the
fact that he had a thing for a straight guy.

"Well, maybe one or two," Joey conceded.

"Really?" Lance asked in surprise.

"Yeah...just a passing thing though.  Maybe this will pass, too.
It's been going on for about a month, though.  That's definitely
longer than a passing phase, right?"  Lance shrugged.

"You haven't slept with any girls for the past month or so."  Joey
raised an eyebrow.  Lance has been monitoring his sleeping partners.
What the hell?  Lance had the good grace to blush and look away.

"You've been keeping track of who I sleep with?"

"Not just you.  The others, too.  Ya know, a point of interest,
something to keep me busy," Lance muttered.

"Something to keep you *busy*?  Dude, that's what books are for,"
Joey said pointedly.

"Shut up!  It's not like I hang outside of your rooms, listening at
the door or anything.  I just notice who's with who.  Not a big
deal!"  Lance sounded like he was trying to convince himself and Joey
decided to let it slide.  He shrugged.

"So you said you've known you were gay since..."

"Since I was fourteen," Lance supplied.

"Is that when you lost your virginity to Michael Abshire?"  Lance
cocked his head to the side at that question.  "Yes, I was paying
attention last night," Joey said smugly.  Lance flashed him a genuine
smile.

"No, that's not when I lost my virginity.  That didn't happen until I
was sixteen.  Long story," Lance said with a role of his eyes.  Joey
wanted to know everything, but he wasn't sure Lance would appreciate
him asking about Michael so he just nodded.
"How did you know you were gay?"

"Just knew," Lance shrugged.  "Had fantasies about guys instead of
girls.  Big clue right there."  Joey nodded again.

"I guess I'm bi.  Feels weird to label myself like that
though.  'Course I could always just insist that I'm straight."

"What if the one person you were meant for turns out to be a guy?"
Lance asked quickly.

"Umm...guess I couldn't insist that I was straight then, could I?"

"Nope."  They both grinned at each other.  Joey decided to switch
gears.

"You really believe that everyone has one person that they're made
for?"

"Sure, why not?  Guess I'm a little bit of a sappy romantic, too."
They were interrupted by Chris's voice echoing throughout the bus.

"JOEY!  What the hell are you doing?!  We've been at the venue for
thirty minutes!"  Joey and Lance looked at each other before pulling
back the closed blinds from the window.  Outside, people milled about
the silent, motionless buses.  A huge building proclaiming to be the
Georgia Super Dome blocked the sunlight.  They were definitely at the
venue.  Chris popped through the door and promptly stopped in his
tracks, a confused frown on his face.  "What are you doing back here,
Lance?"  Lance stood up and moved to the door without bothering to
reply to Chris.

"Lance and I were talking," Joey supplied.  Lance left without a
backward glance to Joey.  Chris's mouth formed a perfect "o" and he
stared at Joey.

"Why?" Chris asked simply. He honestly seemed confused.  Joey
frowned.  He didn't want to deal with Chris.  What he wanted to do
was continue his conversation with Lance.

"Why what?  Why were we talking?"  Chris nodded his head and Joey
shook his head as he stood from the couch.  "Don't be an ass.  Why
can't Lance and I talk?"

"I'm not trying to be an ass, Joey," Chris replied, strained hurt in
his voice.  "I just don't get it.  What were you talking about?"

"Nothing," Joey said as he shouldered his way off the bus.  Chris
followed behind him but didn't ask him anymore questions like he
normally would have.  He must have pissed Chris off, but Joey wasn't
worried about it.  Chris would lick his wounds in silence, then come
back for more.  Joey spent the rest of the day looking forward to the
evening.  He hoped Lance would want to watch a movie with him.

Copyright 2001 nsajscgirl.  All rights reserved.

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Please send feedback to:  nsajscgirl@yahoo.com