Date: Sat, 13 May 2000 13:46:13 -0700 (PDT) From: Wesley Cook <wesleym2@yahoo.com> Subject: Past Reflections 5 Authors Note: Hey guys and gals, Sorry for this being late. I'm going to keep this short. Thanks to Rod H. for the help and inspiration you have given me. JM I'm gonna miss ya if you leave Nifty. And all those who have sent email's Thanks and if you didn't get a reply I'm sorry but the mail must have been lost so please try again. Legal Stuff: You know the rules. This is just a fantsy and it does not reflect the sexuality of any of the BSB or any other person here in. You can send me e-mails at wesleym2@yahoo.com I love to get them so send'em. And Now Past Reflections 5 **Previously** "Okay now tell me why you need sunglasses in the early morning?" I turned to him and took them off. "Oh SHIT!!" He said really pissed, "Who did it?" I hung my head not wanting to answer. "Come on Mark tell me or I will find out as soon as I get there." "Kevin." I said in a low voice. "My boyfriend." "Kevin hit you and you still call him your boyfriend. Damn." I knew that he was not a happy camper. "Promise me that you won't hurt him when we get there or afterward. He is hurting enough. You should have seen him this morning when he saw what it did. He almost passed out from hurt. He hurts aslong as I hurt. Everytime I turn around he is saying he is sorry for what he did. So please don't hurt him?" "We'll see hope that I cool down before we get there." "Well you better do it fast cuz we are pulling into the parking lot now." That limo stopped under the pavilion and we got out. I told the driver to take the luggage to the buss and have it put on there. Then we headed up to meet the guys. Once I was in the elevator I took the sunglasses off and rubbed my for head. I had a slight head ache forming. Nothing new, I have had them for a while. "Another headache Mark?" "Yeah, I'll be okay I'll take some exdrine and it will go away." "You need to get that seen about." "I know I just don't have the time right now. I go to a doctor at out next city." "Okay if you want I will go with you." "Thanks I don't want Kevin to know just yet or untill I find out what it is." After that the doors opened and we head to the main room mine and Kevin's room. When we reached the door I could hear yelling. "No Howie he didn't deserve what I did to him, it was fucking mistake." Kevin yelled. "Oh yeah right, if you hadn't come up here when you did then he and Lance may have fucked while we were downstairs. All he is is a fucking slut and you think you love him. All he is doing Kevin is using you to get more money and fame." Before I could do anything Rod had busted through the door and headed right for Howie. "What the fuck..." "YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT." With that he hit Howie in the stomach and Howie was on the floor. Just a few seconds later they heard another thump and Brian saw me and yelled. "KEVIN!!! It's MARK" **And Now** Everyone stopped to see what was going on. Rod dropped Howie and ran over to me. "Kevin get over here and help me get Mark to bed." Kevin ran to me and picked me up and carried me to the bed we shared. "Brian get me a damp cloth... cold, and a glass of water and some excedrine or some kind of headache medicine." Kevin was really worried and shaking. "What's happening to him?" Kevin asked. "I really don't know other than he has had these for over six or eight years." Rod told him calmly. "You have to stay calm so he will be calm." "Okay I'll try." Brian came in with a cold damp rag and some water and medicine. Rod got me to swallow the pills and drink some water and put the rag on my forehead. Then he ushered everyone out of the room and closed the door so nothing would bother me. "Now back to what was going on before the interuption. I believe Howie was putting a very close friend and someone's boyfriend down for something that never happened." Rod stared right at Howie who had finally recovered from the blow to the stomach. "Ever since he came on tour with us he done nothing but caused problems and everyone knows it. Then he shows up with Lance Bass of NSYNC and takes him to his and Kevin's room to do who knows what together. He is a slut and he needs to leave the tour and go home to his other boy toys he has in Texarkana." Howie spit out. This of course enraged both Kevin and Rod. Both headed for him but Rod got to him first. "Listen here you little SHIT," Rod is 6' Howie is about 5'6" so he is a bit taller than Howie, "One Mark is NOT a slut, two Mark DOES NOT have any boy toy's as you call them, and three I know for a fact that Mark is the type of person that once he is in a relationship he sticks to it. Only one person other than him self is in his vision and that is his boyfriend. That just happens to be Kevin right now." Before Rod put Howie down Howie spits in Rod's face. Rod punches Howie out cold, one thing you don't do is put one of his friends down and you definately don't spit in his face. No one in the room trys to help Howie they just leave him in the floor. Rod turns to Kevin remembering what he did. "Oh Kevin I don't like the art work on Mark's face, do you plan on putting any more pieces there?" Kevin shakes his head no. "Good because if you ever touch him like that again you my friend are DEAD." Rod sit's down and relaxes while they wait for both me and Howie to wake up. Kevin gets up and goes to our room to check on me. Knock..Knock "Yes..." I manage out which signals Kevin to come in. "Babe, how are you feeling?" "Better just have an extremely severe headache. You okay you look like you saw a ghost." "I'm okay just worried about you." He lets a tear fall down his face. I reach up and wipe it away. "Kevin, I'm going to be okay, what I'm worried about is how Howie looks." Kevin chuckles a little. "He is just going to sore for a few days and when he wakes up he is going to have one very bad head ache. He has no bruises on his face just his pride."I laugh a little. "Well we need to get on the bus so we can head out to the next stop which if I remember correctly is L.A." "Yeah it is." Kevin leans down and we kiss. He helps me up and I grab the glass of water and Kevin helps me into the next room and over to Howie who is still out cold. I pour the ice water on Howies face and he comes alive very quickly. "Howie we need to leave so get your sorry ass up and get ready to head to the bus!" I say to him. He gets up and goes to his room to change shirts. After a few minutes he comes back out and we head for the bus. Once on the bus I head for a bunk so I can get some sleep. I find my portable cd player and put in the millennium cd of the BSB. I program it for tracks 2,3,5,8,9,10, and 12.I press the play button and put it on repeat all. I lay back and I let the music heal my soul and head. I listen to Kevin's voice as it comes on in I want It That Away. Now I can see that we've fallen apart From the way that it used to be, yeah No matter the distance I want you to know that Deep down inside of me You are my fire The one desire You are, you are, you are, you are Don't wanna hear you say... Those words for some reason mean so much to me because in a way they are true. Here lately it seems that me and Kevin have fallen apart from the way it used to be. But we both know deep down inside of each other that we are the others fire the others desire. We don't want to hear the word's it is over or it was a mistake. Being together I feel is what has kept us sane in an insane world. I lost one love I won't lose another. The first one wasn't my fault but this one could be. 'Jason what do I do, I love him so much but I'm hurt and scared. What do I do?' I just laid there and silently crying and soon sleep over came me. "Brian, I'm worried about Mark, I hurt him but he is still with me, I love him and he says he loves me but I don't know why he does when I hurt him like I do." Kevin was crying as he spoke to Brian. "Kev, I don't know what to tell you except follow your heart. You are going to make mistakes but you have to realize that you have to learn from them and not repeat them." Brian said as he hugged Kevin. It would take them little over 24 hours to get to LA so the tension on the bus was going to be tight. Rod was in the back talking to A.J., Howie, and Nick. "Howie, you need to get over you problem with Mark. In fact what is your problem with him." "Why would you want to know?" "Because like it or not he is going to be around and this problem you got has got to stop or you'll tear up the group." "Yeah Howie, if you stick to this atitude you're going to cause a split." Nick said. "Come on D. tell us what the problem is." A.J. urged. "I'm in love with Kevin okay and Mark got him before I could." Howie shouted and then busted into tears. I heard him say it. So did Brian and Kevin. I stayed quiet and let the guys handle it. All I knew now was that I need to leave the picture and let Howie and Kevin have what they need, Love... **Present** "Oh Mark, I only loved you then and now, But you really thought me and Howie were meant to be together." "I know babe I couldn't help it. You and him just seemed right so I decided to get out of the way. That's why I left the tour and your life in L.A." **Back to L.A.** I was sitting in the hotel room waiting for the guys to leave for rehearsals so I could leave. I made Kevin stay with Howie. I told him that I needed to room with Rod, of course there was some argument. But in the end I won it. I had Rod as the real road manager. So Rod left with the guys. Once they left I called a taxi and left a note to explain why I had left. I loaded me stuff up and got in the cab and then I was taken to the airport. I let silent tears fall as I left the ground in that plane. I had to go on, I had to find someone else to love me. But for now I just wanted to be alone. I put my cd player on and I had the Titantic cd in and I heard My Heart Will Go On come on. Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you That is how I know you go on. Far across the distance and spaces between us You have come to show you go on. Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on Once more, you open the door And you're here in my heart, And my heart will go on and on Love can touch us one time and last for a life time And never let go till we're gone Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to In my life we'll go on. Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on Once more, you open the door And you're here in my heart, And my heart will go on and on You're here, there's nothing I fear. And I know that my heart will go on. We'll stay forever this way. You are safe in my heart. And my heart will go on and on. It just fit the way I was feeling. Then The Hymn To The Sea came on. It was like I had thrown my heart in to the ocean and was saying good bye. I looked out the window and saw the last bit of L.A. slip away along with my heart. **In L.A.** The guys had come back from their rehearsals. Rod stopped by the desk to check for any messages. "Yes I was wandering if there were any messages left for us?" "Yes sir there are two messages one for Mr. Richardson and one for Mr. Dorough." She turned around and picked up the messages and handed them to Rod. Rod then gave them to Kevin and Howie. Kevin, By the time you get this I will be gone. I know that me leaving is the right thing to do. I know that you are hurt and all but Howie is there and he will love you like I never could. Please forget about me and let your heart guide you. With all my love, Mark. Howie, I have left, you can have Kevin. I am not angry or anything. I just feel that you are the one for him instead of me. So Please take care of him and Love him no matter what. Your Friend Mark "I can't believe this he just left." Kevin sobbed. "HE DID WHAT!!!!" Brian, A.J., Nick, and Rod said all at once. "He left because of what I said on the bus." Howie said quietly. They knew what he was talking about. But what I didn't know was that he and Kevin agreed that one Kevin didn't have feelings for Howie and really Howie didn't have feelings for Kevin he was just lonely. "I have to go after him." Kevin said. "We know." Howie said, "Go find him and make him see that you and him are meant to be together." Everyone agreed. Rod called the airport and got all the info he could on me and when the next flight to Orlando was. He booked a flight for Kevin and sent him after me. "Kevin bring him back okay take how ever long you need to, just get him back." Brian told Kevin as he gave him a hug. "I will, I love you guys. I'll be back as soon as I can." Kevin got to the air port and got on the next flight out. What I didn't realize was that both planes would land in Dallas, Tx and then we would change planes. **On The Plane** "Excuse me would like a pillow sir." The stewardess asked I smiled and shook my head yes. She gave me one. I was soon asleep. **Dream** I was in a place that was very bright. I looked around and saw Jason coming to me. "Mark why did you do that?" "I didn't want to be in the way of the love they would have for each other." I said with tears falling. "Oh Mark, some how you have found something that people wish they had. You have made a sacrifice to love for love. You have becoming the type of person I was hoping you would. You thinking of others before yourself. But you also must think of yourself too. Or you may lose the true you." His words seemed to give me strength. He understood the reason why I did what I did but what I didn't know was that for that action I would find love with the one I truly love Kevin. **End Of Dream** "Ladies and gentlemen please raise your seat to the upright position and make sure all trays are folded in the proper position, and fasten your seatbelts. And thanks for flying with us." The flight attendent said over the speakers. I did and soon enough we were landing. Since this flight would not continue on to Orlando I got off the plane and headed for the terminal to wait on the flight that would take me to Orlando. I got to the desk and the flight to Orlando was going to be late and so I had to wait. **On The Other Plane** "Thank you for flying with us." Kevin knew the drill and got ready to get off once they had landed. When the plane stopped he waited for a bit and then got off the plane. Since he only had a small bag that he carried onto the plane he checked at the desk to see when the relay flight would arrive. "I'm sorry all flights out of and to Orlando are delayed due to a storm so if you would wait over there and we will let you know when the plane arrives." "Thanks mamm." He said very happy because I would still be in the terminal waiting on my flight. I got up and stretched when the urge to use the bathroom hit and when it hit it hit. I grabbed my bag and headed to the bathroom. I didn't know that Kevin had seen me. So he followed me to the bathroom. I went into one of the stalls and I heard someone else enter the room. I didn't hear the door lock. I finished my business and went to the sinks to wash my hand. I lowered my head to wash my face and I heard someone begin to sing. Together Again Oooh How can I say That I love you When you're so Far away So tell me why You had to go Was it me I need to know Oooh What can I do To make you see That I'm here Here for you I really hope That you'll come home So we can be Together again Oooh What can I do To make you see That I'm here Here for you I really hope That you'll come home So we can be Together again "Mark I only want you so we can be together again, please come back to me." I turned around and saw Kevin standing there. "Kevin I left so you and Howie could be together, he loves you, it would probably bet...mmphmm" Kevin shut me up with a kiss. "Yes he loves me but I don't love him I only love you. He knows that and he wants to be friends with you. He told me that his love for me is mainly jealiousy of what we have and he wants. Plus he is scared about being gay or bi I'm not sure which but he knows he can't have me so he going to back off." I had tears in my eyes. I heard over the speaker a song come on that made us feel better. Thank God I Found You I would give up everything Before I separate myself from you After so much suffering I've finally found the honest truth I was all by myself for the longest time So cold inside And the hurt from my heart It would not subside I felt like dying Until you saved my life Chorus: Thank god I found you I was lost without you My every wish And every dream Somehow became reality With you But the sunlight completed my whole life I'm overwhelmed with gratitude Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you I will give you everything There's nothing in this world I want but you To insure your happiness I'll cherish every part of you Cause without you beside me I can't survive If you're keeping me warm each and every night I'll be alright Cause I need you in my life Thank god I found you I was lost without you My every wish And every dream Somehow became reality With you But the sunlight completed my whole life I'm overwhelmed with gratitude Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you See I was So desolate before you came to me Looking back I guess it insures that we were destined to shine Over the rain To appreciate The gift of what we have And I'd go through it all over again To be able to feel this way Thank god I found you I was lost without you My every wish And every dream Somehow became reality With you But the sunlight completed my whole life I'm overwhelmed with gratitude Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you Kevin danced with me during the song. after it ended we knew he had to be back in L.A. but he was only going to go if I went. So I agreed and we went to the desk to change our tickets for a flight to L.A. The plane was boarding already so we had to hurry. We barely made it but we were seated next to each other. Kevin to the stewardess that no one was to bother us and she told him okay. He took my hand in his and we were on our way back to the place where dreams were made and hearts broken but there were two hearts that wasn't going to be broken. Kevin phoned the guys to let them know when we would be in and for them or someone to be there to pick us up. **In Another part of the Plane.** "Hey guys isn't that Kevin Richardson of the Backstreet Boys?" Justin asked. J.C. looked and it was but he was holding another man's hand. "Yeah it is but who is the guy?" Lance turned around and saw me and Kevin holding hands. "Guy's just leave them alone let them sleep we will find out what is going on when we get to L.A." Lance said. He knew what was going on but it wasn't his place to tell the guys of NSYNC. TBC... Ooooh how do you think the meeting between NSYNC and Kevin will turn out? I guess you will have to wait till next time. Bye for now.