Date: Wed, 24 May 2000 09:32:30 -0700 (PDT) From: Wesley Cook <wesleym2@yahoo.com> Subject: Past Reflections 6 Authors Note: Hey guys and gals, Sorry for this being late. I'm going to keep this short. Thanks to Rod H. for the help and inspiration you have given me. JM I'm gonna miss ya if you leave Nifty. And all those who have sent email's Thanks and if you didn't get a reply I'm sorry but the mail must have been lost so please try again. I wanna thank the BSB and NSYNC for the inspiration and for there music. Also I have only three songs in this installment. Thanks for the fans who read this 'cause if weren't for you guys then where would I be. Legal Stuff: You know the rules. This is just a fantsy and it does not reflect the sexuality of any of the BSB or NSYNC. You can send me e-mails at wesleym2@yahoo.com I love to get them so send'em. And Now Past Reflections 6 **Previously** I got up and stretched when the urge to use the bathroom hit and when it hit it hit. I grabbed my bag and headed to the bathroom. I didn't know that Kevin had seen me. So he followed me to the bathroom. I went into one of the stalls and I heard someone else enter the room. I didn't hear the door lock. I finished my business and went to the sinks to wash my hand. I lowered my head to wash my face and I heard someone begin to sing. Together Again Oooh How can I say That I love you When you're so Far away So tell me why You had to go Was it me I need to know Oooh What can I do To make you see That I'm here Here for you I really hope That you'll come home So we can be Together again Oooh What can I do To make you see That I'm here Here for you I really hope That you'll come home So we can be Together again "Mark I only want you so we can be together again, please come back to me." I turned around and saw Kevin standing there. "Kevin I left so you and Howie could be together, he loves you, it would probably bet...mmphmm" Kevin shut me up with a kiss. "Yes he loves me but I don't love him I only love you. He knows that and he wants to be friends with you. He told me that his love for me is mainly jealiousy of what we have and he wants. Plus he is scared about being gay or bi I'm not sure which but he knows he can't have me so he going to back off." I had tears in my eyes. I heard over the speaker a song come on that made us feel better. Thank God I Found You I would give up everything Before I separate myself from you After so much suffering I've finally found the honest truth I was all by myself for the longest time So cold inside And the hurt from my heart It would not subside I felt like dying Until you saved my life Chorus: Thank god I found you I was lost without you My every wish And every dream Somehow became reality With you But the sunlight completed my whole life I'm overwhelmed with gratitude Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you I will give you everything There's nothing in this world I want but you To insure your happiness I'll cherish every part of you Cause without you beside me I can't survive If you're keeping me warm each and every night I'll be alright Cause I need you in my life Thank god I found you I was lost without you My every wish And every dream Somehow became reality With you But the sunlight completed my whole life I'm overwhelmed with gratitude Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you See I was So desolate before you came to me Looking back I guess it insures that we were destined to shine Over the rain To appreciate The gift of what we have And I'd go through it all over again To be able to feel this way Thank god I found you I was lost without you My every wish And every dream Somehow became reality With you But the sunlight completed my whole life I'm overwhelmed with gratitude Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you Kevin danced with me during the song. after it ended we knew he had to be back in L.A. but he was only going to go if I went. So I agreed and we went to the desk to change our tickets for a flight to L.A. The plane was boarding already so we had to hurry. We barely made it but we were seated next to each other. Kevin to the stewardess that no one was to bother us and she told him okay. He took my hand in his and we were on our way back to the place where dreams were made and hearts broken but there were two hearts that wasn't going to be broken. Kevin phoned the guys to let them know when we would be in and for them or someone to be there to pick us up. **In Another part of the Plane.** "Hey guys isn't that Kevin Richardson of the Backstreet Boys?" Justin asked. J.C. looked and it was but he was holding another man's hand. "Yeah it is but who is the guy?" Lance turned around and saw me and Kevin holding hands. "Guy's just leave them alone let them sleep we will find out what is going on when we get to L.A." Lance said. He knew what was going on but it wasn't his place to tell the guys of NSYNC. **And Now** I fell asleep with Kevin sitting next to me. He would hold my hand when he was sure no one was looking. I know I loved Kevin, and he was always telling me that he loved me. Why couldn't I get rid of the worries and doubts that plagued my mind. What did the future hold for us? I heard a song come on and it washed away the doubt and worry from my mind. Angel Spend all your time waiting for that second chance For the break that will make it okay. There's always some reason to feel not good enough And it's hard at the end of the day. I need some distraction, oh beautiful release Memory seeps from my veins. Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight. In the arms of the angels, fly away from here. From this dark cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie. You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort here. So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn, There's vultures and thieves at your back. And the storm keeps on twisting; you keep on building the lies that you make up for all that you lack. It don't make no difference, escaping one last time. It's easier to believe In this sweet madness, Oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees. In the arms of the angels, fly away from here. From this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie. You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort here. You're in the arms of the angels May you find some comfort here. **In The other part of the plane.** Lance would take looks back at Kevin and Mark. And each time he would smile knowing that love will conquer all adversity. What Lance didn't know was Justin was watching him. 'Why is Lance always looking at them. Does he know something we don't. He must, how can I get him to tell me.' Justin was brought out of his thoughts by J.C. "Hey Curly, what cha thinkin' 'bout?" "Nothing Josh." Justin said. "Okay, J but if you wanna talk about anything I'm here for ya." J.C. said as he sat back in his seat. 'Justin has been distant here lately, I wish he would talk to me.' Soon enough J.C. was asleep. **Justin's View** Why can't I tell J.C. that... no I don't want to ruin what we have. I don't want him teasing me for being the way I am. If Kevin is gay and the man next to hims is his lover I hope they stay together. But who is he? I looked over at J.C. and saw he was asleep. Well at least he is able to sleep. I wander why we are going to L.A.? Maybe Lance knows. I got up and walked over to lance who was sitting by himself looking over the schedual. "Hey Scoop, why are we going to L.A.?" "We are joining up with the Backstreet Boys for a while. Mainly promo stuff for the new album. Why?" "Oh just wandering I hear they have a new manager know who it is?" "Yeah I do actually they have two new managers." "Why?" "Well one is the sponsor of the boys and the other is the assistant but he takes care of the boys for the sponsor." "What are their names?" "The sponsor is Mark Cook, and the assistant manager is Rod Horsman." "Oh okay how do you know them?" "What is this twenty questions?" "No just curious." "You know curiousity killed the cat." Lance said with a smile. "Ya ya just tell me okay." "Well I don't know Rod just that he was added after the last concert when the first manager stepped over his boundries. But I met Mark in person when we were in New York. It was when I got mobbed by fans at the park. He helped me out." Lance stopped because the other incidents were only on a need to know basis. "Ohh ok yeah I remember that." Justin smiled at that because he could see the Lance and the bsb's manager running like hell to get to safety. "Ladies and gentle men please put your trays in the upright positin and seats in the upright position and please buckle up as begin our desent into L.A. Thanks for flying with us and have a nice day." The stewardess siad over the intercom. Justin returned to his seat and buckled his seat belt. **The other part of the Plane** "Babe it is time to get up. We are about to land." Kevin said as he kissed me. "Okay babe, I hope the guys are there so we don't have to wait too long." I said. As I buckled my seat belt the airmasks came down and the lights turned red. Then we heard an explosion. I looked out the window and saw the engine burning. "Kevin I don't want to die!" I cried. He held me tightly. Everybody was screaming and crying. We were going down and we were going fast. "Mark I love you." "I love you too Kevin" I closed my eyes so I wouldn't see the face of death. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. The nose hit first. The sound of metal tearing cut us to the soul. The plane tore in half just a few rows ahead of us. I felt Kevin hold me tighter. Something fell from above me and hit me in the head. and all I saw before everything went black was Kevin's eyes. **The Air Port** "He guys that should be their flight there... Oh My GOD their going to crash!!!" A.J. yelled. He saw the engine explode and soon was followed by the other one. Rod heard them and turned just as the nose hit. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" He watched as the plane ripped apart. The wings were torn off. The back half began to roll. He saw emergency crews rushing out to try an rescue anyone they could. The wreckage was scattered all over the runways. Luggage was strone. Bodies laid torn and mangled. Many were injured, some were killed. **Kevin's View** "Where is he?" I asked as the paramedics was rolling him away from the wreckage. "Where is who sir?" The paramedic asked. "My boyfriend, he was sitting next to me." "I don't know sir please calm down and we will find him. I was loaded into an ambulance and taken to the hospital. I knew nothing of Mark. I hope and pray he is alive. **Back at the Airport** "Hey we have a man here he is alive." Someone yelled. They got me loose from the seat and onto a gurney. I was still out of it. But some how I was able to speak but only Kevin's name. "Kevin... where are you?" I kept repeating it. **The T.V.** "We are at the L.A. airport where as you see rescue personel are trying to rescue those who are still alive. I have just gotten report that Kevin Richardson and the Backstreet sponsor Mark Cook and the guys of NSYNC were on the plane when it crashed. All are reported to be alive and at the L.A. Memorial Hospital." That was all the guys of BSB needed. they rushed out of the airport and off to the hospital. **In Texarkana** "Oh MY GOD... Mark!!!!" Dennis cried as the report came through over the t.v. He grabbed his keys and his wallet and left to get to L.A. **The Hospital** "Hello I am Alexander McLean and I am here with the Backstreet Boys, I was wandering if you can tell us where Kevin Richardson and Mark Cook is?" A.J. asked the nurse. "One moment sir... Yes Mr. Richardson is in treatment room 6 and Mr. Cook is in CCU." The guys gasp at that. They all rushed to the emergency room. They saw the guys of NSYNC they all seemed fine some minor cuts and bruises but nothing major. "Hey guys, are you all okay?" Nick asked. "Yeah we are but they won't let us see Kevin." They didn't know about me. Brian went to the nurses desk to ask about Kevin. "Excuse me I am Brian Littrell Kevin Richardson's cousin can you tell me where I can find him." The nurse nodded and took him to Kevin. "Thank you." He said as the nurse left. "Kev," Brian said next to Kevin. "Brian where is Mark?" Kevin said. "He is in the CCU. I don't know his condition." As brian said that the doctor walked in. "Hello I'm Dr. Mike Walters, I am glad to say the Kevin you are free to go, you show to have nothing wrong which is very surprising being the cercumstances." He said. "I want to see Mark Cook my cuz. said he was in CCU." Kevin said. "Oh Mr. Cook... it seems that he suffered some head trauma and some broken bones. He came in calling for a Kevin, and then he went into a coma." "Dr. this is the Kevin he was calling for, Kevin is his boyfriend." Brian said through tears. Kevin was sobbing hard on Brian's shoulder. "Oh okay well then you can go see him but only one person at a time." He filled out a form and handed it to Kevin saying that it would get him in to see me. With hospital policy Kevin had to be rolled around in a wheel chair. They got on the elevator with the rest of the guys and went to the 4th floor. Kevin showed the form to the nurse on duty and she let him in. Kevin rolled over to me. "Mark I'm here babe, I guess you saved me when I was trying to save you. Please come back to me." Kevin cried. I could hear his voice. I was trying to answer him. "Kevin I'm here can't you hear me!!!" I yelled but he heard nothing. I couldn't open my eyes at all. Or move for that matter. "Mark just fight okay." Kevin said. I felt him take my hand and hold it. I wish I could show him I am here but I can't. "Jason what am I to do?" I cried out into the darkness. Slowly the darkness became light as Jason came near. "Jason what is happening to me?" I cried. "Mark, You have a choice to make this choice will determine the rest of yours and Kevin's lives. One choice is to come home with me and possibly lose Kevin for eternity or return to Kevin and hopefully have fulfilling life together." "But why do I have to chose what happened." With that Jason showed me what happened over a month ago. Kevin never left my side. "Show me what is happening now please." I could see and hear Kevin. Brian was with him. Dennis and Rod we there. The room was full of roses and other flowers. Kevin leaned down and kissed me. "Mark I love you and will always love you, but I don't want you to suffer anylonger it has been three months since the crash. If it is God's will go on home I will see you then. I will always love you. no matter what. I just want you to free of pain, I Love You." With that he laid a golden ring on my chest. I had never seen it before. I watched as he put one just like it on his left hand. He then put the one on my chest on my left hand. He leaned in and kissed me once more. He turned to the doctor and shook his head. The doctor began to turn off the machines that was keeping me alive. When the heart monitor flat lined Kevin broke down. I turned to Jason. "Jason I want to be with Kevin forever." When I said that he smiled and said. "Mark you have made me very happy, you chose the road set forth by God. Now lets return so you and Kevin can be together." I was once again in the darkness, but this time there was so much pain. My boddy hurt. I could still hear the heart monitor giving the single sound. But suddenly it began to beep with a heart beat. The tubes were out of my mouth and I took a huge gasp of air. "What the...!!!" the doctor said. this made everyone else turn to the bed. Kevin looked over at the heart monitor and saw it had a heart beat showing. He looked down at my chest and I gasp again for air. "Mark your alive." he said quietly. "Ke..Kevin, I Love You." I said in a raspy voice. Kevin rushed over to me and grabbed me in a huge hug. That was followed by a big group hug. Brian, Rod, and Dennis were hugging me and Kevin like there was no tomorrow. "Okay guys I have to breathe." I said and every one but Kevin let go which was fine. I felt tears fall from his eyes. "Kevin it is going to be okay I am not going to leave you ever, we are going to grow old together." I said as I wiped the tears away. "It's just that I almost lost you." He sobbed. "Kevin I heard what you said just before I came back. I was actually standing next to you with Jason. He told me I had two choices one was to go home with him or stay here with you. I chose you because it ain't heaven with out you there and two I really wasn't ready to leave." He smiled at me and then kissed me. **Present** "Kevin you remmeber that don't you about what said about standing next to you." "Yeah I do babe, but that was still to far away for me. Do you remember what caused the plane's engines to blow up?" "Yeah, a gas line was cut in both engines it just took a while them to explode. I'm glad the of NSYNC and you weren't hurt too badly." "I was hurt very badly babe, when I heard about you it was apart of me that was hurt because you were hurt." Kevin said as a tear fell from his eyes. I reached up and wiped it away. "But in the end we were together." I said. "Yeah we are." He said with a smile. **Back to the Past.** It has been six months since the crash and I am doing great. I haven't been back on a plane but that is a touchy subject. We were at home relaxing. The tour had been called off because of the crash and my problem for three months and also Kevin threatened to leave the BSB if they didn't. He wasn't the only one. All the guys threatened to breakup if they didn't get some time to rest. The guys were in the pool playing around. NSYNC was here too. I was just smiling and resting when Justin came over to me to talk. "Umm Mark can I talk to you?" "Sure Justin, what's on your mind." "Well you know I'm gay right?" "Yeah you told me about a month ago, why?" "Well I think I'm love with someone." He said shyly. "Really with who?" "I'm in love with..." TBC Ohhh Don't you just hate that. But I do need to save some for the next chapter. Who is Justin in love with? If you can tell me who he is in love with that person will get an advanced copy of the next installment which will hold the answer to the question.