Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2000 12:13:19 -0700 (PDT) From: Wesley Cook <wesleym2@yahoo.com> Subject: PastReflections 8 Authors Note: Well guys and gals here is the next installment of Past Reflections. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed working on it. Also check out my other stories To Love NSYNC and Brian's Savior. Legal Stuff: Okay this is a fan-fiction. Which means it isn't real. It doesn't reflect anything on any of the famous people in this story. Okay I love to get e-mail so please e-mail me at wesleym2@yahoo.com And now with out any further comments here is Past Reflections 8 **Previously** "Guys what are you doing? Kevin would you please take this blindfold off?" "Sorry babe I can't we don't want to ruin the surprise now do we?" "Oh all right I'll wait but the longer I wait the long it will be before we have anymore fun in bed." "Guys lets hurry." Kevin said. The guys just laughed at him. I felt them stop and I heard a door open. Then the blind fold came off. "SURPRISE!!!" Everyone said. "OH MY GOD... You guys didn't... but how? NOOOOOOOO!!!" **And Now** The first thing I saw when the blindfold was removed my family. I had tears running down my face. Why did they do this? They knew I was wanted by my family. Why? I lost all strength suddenly and began to fall to the floor but Kevin caught me. My mom was beside me in an instant. She took my hand and rubbed it gently. I heard her speak to me with sorrow and pain in her voice. "Oh Mark I am sooo sorry. Please believe me I didn't understand. I caused so much pain in your life. I lost all those years all because I didn't think being gay was right. Please let me back into your life, let me help carry the burden you carry alone. Mark I know that Jason died in a car wreck he always sent me letters letting me know how things were going. I hated him for taking my baby away from me but now I hate my self because it wasn't him that sent you away from me it was me. Can you ever forgive me?" She was hurting deep inside. I was also crying as I took her into a hug. Kevin hugged us both. Mom got up and so did Kevin. Both began to help me up when someone came in. "Ben what are you doing here?" "I came to give my son a present that he will never forget." He hissed. He turned to Kevin and raised a pistol at Kevin. "This is for turning my son into a faggot Mother Fucker!" He yelled. As he fired I pushed Kevin aside and took the shots. As I hit the floor I saw Brian and some of the other guys take down my father. My body turned and I found my head resting in Kevin's lap. I looked up into his eyes. It was his eyes that first got my attention. I gazed into his eyes, I saw love, compassion, pain, I saw his soul. Whole paragraphs were spoken in his eyes. Off in the distance I could hear sirens blaring. I turned my head and saw my mother holding my hands. My body felt numb. I felt like I was floating in the air. "Mark just hold on the medics are almost here, they are coming in the doors now. I will not lose you now that I have you back in my life." My mom said in a commanding voice. I looked back at Kevin's face and saw it was streaked with tears. "I..cough..cough Love Yo.." Then only blackness. **Kevin's POV** "Mark don't you die on me Mark don't leave me!!!!!!!!" I yelled as he went out of it. I looked up and the medics were pushing everyone out of the way. I watched as they got some gauze over the wounds. They checked his vitals. "He has a pulse but it is very weak." One of the medics said. They got Mark loaded into the ambulance. I watched as they loaded my lover into the ambulance. They wouldn't let me go with him in the ambulance. Brian came over to me and pulled me to his car and then we headed to the hospital. **The Hospital** I ran into the ER department looking for Mark. I felt my world crashing around me. I didn't see him at first so I went to the desk to ask. "Excuse me but can you tell me where I can find Mark Cook he was brought in by ambulance with gun shot wounds to the chest?" The nurse there looked at her computer and then back up at me. "He is in OR right now sir, are u a member of the family?" "Yes I am his fiancé?" I almost screamed in fear. "Please calm down sir a doctor will be with you shortly. Please follow me to a room where you can wait." The nurse then led me and Brian to a room down the hall where we could wait for any news. After the nurse left I broke down. "Kevin he's gonna be alright he is strong." Brian said as he took me in his arms. "Brian I don't want to lose him. Why did he do that? The gun was pointing at me WHY?" I screamed at Brian. But I got no answer. I searched for comfort but non was there. I was in this dark world where everything I held close to my heart was dying. I lost my father and now I could lose my soon to be husband. The door was shut but I could still hear the haunting melody of our very own song. Show me the meaning of being lonely So many words for the broken heart It's hard to see in a crimson love So hard to breathe Walk with me, and maybe Nights of light so soon become Wild and free I could feel the sun Your every wish will be done They tell me... My heart was breaking as my lover laid on that cold hard table. His life hung in the balance. And I was here in this room waiting. I had no more words, only tears. Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my heart This feeling of losing Mark was killing me. I want to be in there holding his hand letting him know I was there for him. But I couldn't. The others came in but stayed quiet as the song continued. I heard a heart monitor coming from down the hall where Mark was being operated on. I could here the beeping slow down. No this couldn't be happening. "We're losing him!!!" some one said in the OR. There was more yelling until... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP... "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" I yelled Life goes on as it never ends Eyes of stone observe the trends They never say forever gaze Guilty roads to an endless love There's no control Are you with me now Your every wish will be done They tell me... Suddenly I heard the heart monitor begin again. He was alive again. I couldn't do anything but cry. I felt so helpless. His mom was there beside me crying as well. The two people who loved him the most were together for the first time. I looked around the room Dennis was there, so was Rod. Both had tears flowing. Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my heart There's nowhere to run I have no place to go Surrender my heart, body, and soul How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show Mark is my heart, and soul, and I am his. This love runs so deep that no one could know how they could feel the same. You are missing in my heart Tell me why I can't be there where you are Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my heart He is strong I know he is, but even the strong never last forever. But love does. I looked down at my hand at the ring Mark gave me. He would survive he promised. I will have faith in him. We waited for what seemed like hours but was only another 45 minutes to an hour, when the doctor walked in. "Hello I am Dr. Mayo, I was the head surgeon to operate on Mark. We almost lost him but he just came back to us. He is one strong young man. Now he had a total of three bullets in his chest. Only one hit his heart but only grazed it, he was very lucky. The others stopped just to the side of his left lung. I was able to remove all three with out any further problems. He is right now in ICU recovering from the surgery. But you can go see him now but only family right now and please don't cry he needs your strength. And your prayers, he survived the surgery but the after math is something entirely different. So when you do visit try to stay calm." With that the doctor left. We all breathed a sigh of relief for the first part. I turned to Marks mom. "Mrs. Cook Why don't you go see him first." "No I won't you are gonna go and I don't want to hear a word out you." I smiled for the first time after everything went down. We all walked to the elevators to go up to the 5th floor where the ICU was located. I went in and I shed some tears as I saw him lying there with all these tubes and wires coming out of him. I sat down next to him and took his hand in mine. I was on his left side. I felt his ring rub against mine. We would be together forever. I kissed his hand and then looked at the time. It was now July the 9th. I vowed then and there that we would make up his birthday as soon as he was able to. **Outside in the ICU waiting room Brian's POV** "Mrs. Cook Kevin loves your son sooo much. It almost killed him when the monitor stopped. We all love him very much. Please don't be mad at him or any of us, all we did was give him something he needed love." "Brian I am not mad, I am happy that Mark has found the one person who makes it worth getting up in the morning. I wish... I wish I hadn't shut him out like I did all those years ago." She said crying again but this time at the pain she had caused those many years ago. I got up and moved over to her and pulled her into a hug. "Mrs. Cook..." "Please call me Ann" "Ann I know he has forgiven you, he just wanted you to make the first move." "Yes I know. I have known that for so long now but was scared he wouldn't want me back and now that I have a chance to be a part of his life again this happens." "Don't beat your self up over this. No one knew it was gonna happen. He told me one a while back that he wanted to give a present for mothers day, well I want to give it to you now because I think you need it." I went to the VCR and TV and put in a tape I had been caring for Marks birthday. I put it in and every one gather around to watch it. The music to The Perfect Fan began to play. Mark was standing with Brian and the rest of the guys even Kevin. Mark was singing the lead. It takes a lot to know what is love It's not the big things, but the little things That can mean enough A lot of prayers to get me through And there was never a day that passes by I don't think about you You were always there for me Pushing me and guiding me Always to succeed Pictures of Mark and his mom went across the screen depicting the times he had with his mom. Then it showed footage of Mark and Kevin on the bus having fun and laughing. You showed me When I was young just how to grow You showed me Everything that I should know You showed me Just how to walk with out your hands 'Cause Mom you always were The perfect fan It was now in showing all the guys and Mark on stage in a theater singing this song. All of them were wearing a tan suite. God has been so good Blessing me with a family Who did all they could And I've had many years of grace And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face I wanna thank you for what you've done In hopes I can give back to you And be the perfect son More pictures of Mark and his mom. Then the music went down some and Mark began to speak over the music in a separate place. "Mom, even though we haven't been on the best of terms in the past I do love and I wish someday that we can be a family again." You showed me When I was young just how to grow You showed me Everything that I should know You showed me Just how to walk with out your hands 'Cause Mom you always were The perfect fan You showed me how to love You showed me how to care And you showed me that you would always be there I wanna thank you for that time And I'm proud to say you're mine You showed me When I was young just how to grow You showed me Everything that I should know You showed me Just how to walk with out your hands 'Cause Mom you always were The perfect fan "Cause Mom you always were, Mom you always were, Mom you always were, you know you always were, "Cause Mom you always were...the perfect fan I love Mom The rest of the song finished with pictures coming and going, of Mark and his mom and of him and Kevin. I looked at his mom's face and she was smiling and crying. No matter what Mark always knew when something should be said to lighten the mood. It was his gift. That and pure love. **Back to present** "I am glad that Brian showed her that when he did." I said to Kevin, who agreed with me. "Do you have any regrets babe?" Kevin asked "No Kevin I don't do you?" "No I don't, I met the man of my dreams and met a new family. I can say I don't have any regrets babe." Kevin said as he closed the album. I took it and put it back on the shelf with the other things. "I miss her Kev." "I know you do babe I know I miss her to." "I know but I still miss her." I said as I let my fingers glide over a picture of my mom. "Babe are you ready to go and visit her?" "Yes." I put on my coat as did Kevin and we both headed out the door to go see my mom and his mother-in-law. It was a good drive but it always was. We parked the car and got out. We walked the familiar path and then stopped in front of a large granite stone. It said on it. Here Lies Annie I. Cook Loving Mother and Sister 1941-2002 We placed the flowers in the holders and I let a tear fall. Kevin held me tight. "At Least she is no longer in pain." "Yeah the cancer was real bad. I wish she had told me maybe she would have lived longer." "I know babe but she didn't, come on We have to pick up Wes and Anna." Kevin said. We went along the streets to Texarkana Elementary School. We stopped in front of the school and wait just about 15 minutes when Wes and Anna came bounding out of the school laughing and giggling. Both me and Kevin were waiting on them and they jumped up into our arms. It was Christmas time and we were gonna go spend Christmas with Kevin's family. "Dad and daddy, we are out for Christmas!!!!" both squealed joyfully at the same time. Me and Kevin laughed at there enthusiasm and got them seat-belted in the car and headed home so we could get ready for the long trip to Kevin's parents. TBC... Maybe? Well what do you think? Should I end it like it is or should I continue on. It is up to you guys and gals. Let me know okay? Okay. Heheh. Bu Bye.