Date: Tue, 09 Nov 1999 00:47:13 CST
From: Shaun C. <ashamanwolf@hotmail.com>
Subject: Patterns of Fate, Part Three

Patterns of Fate

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Disclaimer:  If you under the legal age to be reading material with
sexual content, then leave.  If homosexual relationships offend you,
then, by all means, hit the "Back" button on your browser now.

Otherwise, continue on.

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Patterns of Fate, Chapter Three

The night passed smoothly for the most part.  In fact, neither man awoke
until the first rays of the sun crept between the blinds, and forced
Brian to sleepily open one eye.  He absently reached down to scratch at
the dog curled up against his chest.  'Dog?  What?' he thought, and
opened his other eye.  It wasn't a dog resting against his chest - it was
Sean, who had somehow managed to bury his face against Brian's stomach.
Brian flushed bright red at the thoughts that raced through his mind at
that moment, and at the fact that his boxers were tenting outward.  Part of
him wanted to shake Sean awake - and quickly! - but the other part told him
to just relax, enjoy the moment.  He managed to deafen the incessant, nagging
voice that warned him that he was giving in to temptation.  Instead,
he just enjoyed the feeling of Sean's warm breath against his abdomen, and
the light touch of Sean's hand, which had found its way around Brian's leg.

Still, he didn't enjoy the way that his erection was nearly poking Sean in
the throat.  He tried scooting backwards a little, but only managed to make
Sean's head dip lower, until the other man's lips rested a mere breath away
from Brian's raging erection.  Brian swallowed hard.  Now what?

The nagging voice in the back of his mind chided him mercilessly, but was
muted by the dull throbbing of hormones.  Brian's hands slid down toward his
waist.

It was at that precise moment that Sean mumbled something against Brian's
hard-on.

"What?" Brian whispered, wondering if he was just hearing things.  As it
turned out, he wasn't.

"I said this is a pleasant sight to wake up to," Sean answered, not moving
his head - or his eyes.

"Wh... whaddya mean?  It.. uh...  I mean..."

"You don't have to try to explain it to me.  I know what this is," Sean
joked, nudging Brian's erection with his nose.  Brian drew in a sharp breath.
This was either a joke in very bad taste, or Sean's not-so-subtle way of
coming onto him.

The answer came when Sean said, "It's not nice to point a loaded gun at
someone, you know," and wrapped his hand around Brian's boxer-covered
erection.

At first, the nagging voice gleefully pointed out that Brian was giving in
too easily, that he was weak, that he was going to regret it later.  A wave
of pleasure drowned out the voice as Sean's warm lips placed themselves
squarely against Brian's stomach.  Brian sighed happily, and rolled over
onto his back.  Whatever 'conscience' that usually bothered him was entirely
quiet now, perhaps also enjoying the moment.

Sean was attentive, listening to Brian's every groan and sigh as he worked
his way up Brian's stomach, to his chest.  He made an all-too-brief stop at
Brian's belly button, flicking his tongue in and out playfully.  But he moved
on quickly, kissing his way up Brian's chest, up to his throat, where he
proceeded to fully assault Brian with his tongue.

Then he stopped, and Brian thought that maybe Sean was having second thoughts.
But that moment passed as Sean raised himself up onto one arm, and smiled
at Brian.

"Are you okay with this?" he asked, and squeezed Brian's erection gently,
earning another moan from Brian.

'Say no,' his mind whispered, 'or you'll regret this later.'  But his mouth
moved before his brain processed the words, and he only mumbled, "Oh yeah."

Not needing - or wanting - to ask again, Sean moved down Brian's chest and
stomach once again, running his tongue along Brian very gently, very
teasingly.  He smiled to himself as he reached the waistband of Brian's boxers.
Slipping one finger beneath it, he gently tugged them down.  Brian arched
himself up, and started to reach down in order to pull his boxers off quickly.

"Ah, ah..." Sean chided softly, and swatted Brian's hands aside.  "No need
to be in such a hurry."

"Sorry," Brian mumbled, and lay back once more as Sean pulled his boxers
down just low enough to let his erection spring free.  He closed his eyes and
moaned as Sean's mouth descended...

***

RIIIIING! went the phone, and Brian's eyes flew open.  A... dream?  Not entirely,
he realized, as he looked down and saw that Sean's head was indeed resting
against his chest.

RIIIIING! cried the phone again, and Brian rolled over carefully to pick up the
receiver.

"Hello?" he mumbled into the phone.

"Yo, Bri, you coming down for breakfast or what?" asked a muffled voice from
the other end of the phone.

"Breakfast?" Brian asked groggily.  "What time IS it?"  He looked over at the
clock.  Shit - 8:30 already!  "Yeah... Yeah, I'll be down in a minute," he
muttered.

"Better hurry, man... the food's going fast!"  And with that, the line went
quiet.

Brian hung up his receiver, and sighed, turning onto his back to stare up at
the ceiling.  He felt Sean stir as well.

"Come on... get up," Brian sighed, nudging Sean in the ribs.  "It's 8:30."

"So?" Sean murmured, without moving his head from its position against Brian's
chest.

"We have an interview at 11."

"Oh."  Sean sighed and forced himself to roll over and sit up.  "Alright.  Guess
we should get a shower."

"What?" Brian asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I said, we should take a shower.  You first, though, since you have to get going."

"Oh.. OH!  You mean seperately."  Brian tried his best to hide his relief.

"What did you think I meant?" Sean asked, lips curling up into a bit of smile.

"Um... nevermind."  Brian hoped he wasn't blushing too much.  He rolled out of the
bed, scratching absently at his chest.  Quickly, he walked into the bathroom, shutting
the door behind him.

"Well, that was interesting," Sean said, and fell back down against the bed.

-*-*-*-

Brian sighed as the hot water washed over him.  This wasn't starting out as a
good day.  First, the dream.  That in itself bothered him.  The last thing
in the world that he needed was his sex drive to push him into a situation
he thought was immoral.  And what would the rest of the guys - not to mention
the fans - think?  He soaped himself up even as he considered the consequences
of what being gay might mean.  His family, his religion, his friends...  No, he
wouldn't risk it all just for the sake of his own secret desires.  He could play
the dashing straight boy for a while longer.  After all, the Backstreet Boys
couldn't last forever.  Could they?  He frowned as he thought about THAT.  What
if they DID last for a long time?  How long could he resist?

He nearly cried as he let the water rinse the soap from his body.  Too bad he
couldn't wash away forbidden desire so easily.  'Oh God,' he thought to himself,
as he turned the water off.  'Help me...'

The only answer was the distant, mocking voice of his 'conscience'.

-*-*-*-

Sean smiled tiredly at Brian as the man emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a
towel.  "Did you save some hot water for me?" he asked, standing up and heading
for the bathroom.  He cast a sidelong glance at Brian, frowning as he got no
reply.  'I wonder what's on his mind,' he thought as he disappeared into the
bathroom.

Several minutes later, he left the bathroom, dressed in the same clothes as the
day before.  He smiled to himself as he saw Brian standing in front of a mirror,
fussing with his tie.

"Having troubles?" he asked, walking up behind Brian.

"I hate wearing these things," Brian answered, frowning.  "But Kevin insisted..."
He sighed heavily, turning around to face Sean.  "I give up," he announced.

"Here... let me," Sean offered, smiling.  Within a few seconds, he grinned even
wider and stepped back.  "There.  Now you're a handsome devil."  He patted Brian
on the shoulder.

Brian stiffened for a second, but the moment quickly passed.  He wouldn't let
himself get worked up... not right now, anyway.  "We should get going, or else
Kevin's gonna have a fit."

Sean nodded his agreement.  "Right, then."  He ran a hand through his hair and
smiled.  "Thanks for the room, Brian.  It was a nice gesture.  And I think I
slept better than I have in years!"

"Good, good," Brian said, suddenly feeling a little weak-kneed.  Sean's smile
was more than just happy... it was almost like he knew about Brian's dream.  But
that was impossible.  Right?  Pushing the thought aside, as well as a few of the
dream's images, he started for the door.  "It was nice meeting you, Sean.  We'll
see you at the concert tonight, right?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Sean said as he followed Brian.

Brian opened the door and held it for Sean.  "Well then... take care until
tonight, man."

"Of course."  Sean paused before leaving, and turned to look at Brian.
"Something's wrong, isn't it?" he asked, frowning.

"What?"

"With you. Something's wrong."

"No..." Brian lied.  "Nothing's wrong."

"Yes there is," Sean said.  "Ever since last night, you've been... acting
strange."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Brian answered, his voice getting
a little defensive.

Sean sighed, not wanting to force Brian into a corner.  "If you say so,"
he said, and walked out the door.

Brian nearly called out after him - to apologize, to tell him what was
really on his mind...  But what good would it do?  Brian shut the door
as he heard the elevator ding distantly.  He slid down against the wall,
looked across the room at the Bible, lying open on the nightstand, and
nearly cried.  'Oh God,' he thought, for what felt like the millionth
time.  'I can't be gay.  It's... sick... wrong!  Why are you testing
me like this?!'  Then he did cry, great heaving sobs that wracked his
entire body.  He cried so hard that he almost didn't hear the knock
at the door.

"Yo, Bri!  You coming, or what?"  It was AJ, probably sent by Kevin
to see what the holdup was.  "Bri?  You in there?"

"Yeah... yeah, I'm here," Brian answered, choking back a sob.  He had
to compose himself quickly... couldn't let AJ - or any of the guys,
for that matter - see him like this.  They'd know something was wrong.
He got up from the floor and quickly ran to the bathroom.  "I'll be
out in a second... just have to use the bathroom!"  He splashed some
cold water into his eyes, wiping away the last traces of tears.  His
eyes were a little red, but he could probably explain that away.

He walked out of the bathroom to find AJ standing in the doorway.

"Man, Kevin's going to kill you if you're late today.  He's already
pissed about the whole S...  Hey, what's wrong, Rok?  Your eyes are all
red."

"Just tired," Brian mumbled with a little smile.  "Sean kept me up
most of the night."  Brian quirked an eyebrow as AJ suddenly turned
the brightest red he'd ever seen on a person.

"Uh... yeah.." AJ coughed suddenly, and tried not to burst out
laughing.  No, no way that Brian meant THAT.  Not their good little,
religious, country boy.  Even the thought was crazy.  He turned around
and started down the hallway.  "Just make sure you're downstairs and
ready to leave in ten minutes.  You KNOW how Kevin gets.  If HE has to
get up, WE have to get up."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Brian said, smiling genuinely.  "I'll be down
in five."

Four and a half minutes later, Brian stepped out of the hotel, feeling
much better.

Amazing the things self-denial can accomplish.

But Fate has a way of pulling people into weaves.  And sometimes God
stretches His hand out over the pattern.

But then, so does the Devil.

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Author's Postscript:  Okay, sorry that this part took a little longer to
get out, but life tends to keep me busy some days.  I know, the chapters have
been short, but that's just the way I write.  Sorry.  I'll try to make
the chapters longer, but I make no promises.

Thanks go out to everyone who's written me with their comments.  But more are
ALWAYS welcome!  Feel free to contact me at...

MaskAndMirror@hotmail.com
IWalkAlone01@yahoo.com  (that's the number zero, not the letter O)
ICQ #21643240
AIM:  SilverWolf1979

God Bless, y'all!

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