Date: Fri, 25 Apr 2003 12:11:21 -0700 (PDT)
From: JC Fanfic <jc_fan_fiction@yahoo.com>
Subject: Picking up the Pieces of My Life Chapter One

A Work of Fiction by JC Fan Fiction Nut Publications
(c) Copyright 2003

Disclaimer: All Characters and situations of this story are fictional. Any
similarities to actual living people and actual situations is purely
coincidental. All fictional characters and fictional situations portrayed
in this work of fiction remains the property of JC Fan Fiction Nut
Publications. Republishing of this work of fiction is strictly forbidden
unless permission as been given by JC Fan Fiction Nut Publications.

Permission granted to Nifty Archives for the sole purpose of posting on the
Boy Bands section of the Archives. Permission may be obtained by e-mailing
JC Fan Fiction Nut Publications at JC_Fan_Fiction@yahoo.com

Comments are welcome too. Constructive Comments and advice are
welcome. Honest opinions are welcome as well. And if you want to vent all
over me as long it is good natured than feel free too do that to.

Warning: This first few chapters are very sad.  But I promise as the story
goes along it will get happier.

E-mail me at JC_Fan_Fiction@yahoo.com

Picking up the Pieces of My Life

Saying goodbye Chapter One

"Mr. Smith?" asked a voice.  I shook myself awake and looked around.  Yes I
was still in the same hospital room where I had spent the last few weeks.
Sleeping peacefully in the bed for now was Pam, my wife of just over four
years.  "Mr. Smith?" prodded the voice again.

"Yes" I replied.

"Can I have a few words with you?" the doctor asked.

"What is it?" Pam asked as she opened her eyes and looked around.  I
quickly kissed her forehead.

"Go back to sleep dear," I soothed her.  She had been up for most of the
night with pain and I wanted her to get as much rest as possible.  She
smiled that sweet cute smile that she reserved only for me and closed her
eyes.  I stood up and stretched and followed the doctor out.  We went
across the hall into a small conference room.  After sitting and declining
a cup of coffee I pressed the doctor to tell what was going on.  "Ok Doc,"
I prodded.  "Tell me what is going on?"  He sighed and shook his head
sadly.

"I'm sorry Mr. Smith," he sighed again.  "But the cancer is spreading and
it is spreading fast."

"So we start chemo and radiation again?" I asked hopefully.  He shook his
head no.  "What do you mean no?" I demanded.  "Are you saying there is no
hope?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Smith," the doctor said sadly.  "But the cancer has spread
to too many systems in her body.  Her body is starting to shut down.  The
most we can hope for is a week or two."

"A week or two?" I yelped out.  "A week or two?"  The doctor nodded.  "I
want a second opinion!"

"That is certainly within your right sir but I have to tell you that they
are just going to say the same thing," he replied.  "You should call her
family and start making arrangements."

"Arrangements for what?" I asked looking straight ahead.

"For her funeral and other final arrangements," he explained softly.  "I'm
sorry I have another appointment.  I can send the chaplain in if you want."

"A chaplain?" I laughed scornfully.  "You think I want a chaplain?  You are
fucking nuts.  All I want is my wife back healthy and whole!  And you just
took that away from me."  I heard the door shut and I remained sitting
there for another hour before getting up and going back to the room.  I
reached for the door handle and realized that I had a job to do.  I had to
tell my wife that she was going to die.  That this was the last road.
"God!" I whimpered.  "How can I do this?"

"Do what son?" asked a female voice behind me.  I turned and looked into
the eyes of Ruth my mother in law.  "What is going on?"  I gestured her
into the hospital room where Pam was sitting up and playing with our son
Donny.  She was tickling him and he was giggling as loud as he could.  I
choked back the tears as I realized that Donny was going to loose his
mommy.  I must have made a noise because Pam looked up.  I quickly
plastered on a grin.

"Good morning sweetie," she said brightly.  "Want to help teach our son a
lesson in who is boss?"  Donny was all smiles and his hair was all messed
up from their little wrestling session.  I nodded for Ruth to take Donny.

"Pam I need to talk to you," I said softly.  "I want your mother to take
Donny out for breakfast."  Ruth looked at me with questions in her eyes.
"Mom I promise I'll tell you everything.  I just don't want Donny to hear
this right now."  I could tell by the look on Ruth's face that she realized
that this was going to be bad.  But to her credit she put on a happy
grandmother face and took Donny's hand and led him out of the room.  Even
with the heavy heart I had I had to smile at his begging to be taken to
McDonalds.

"Ok husband," Pam said softly as she patted the bed beside her.  "Tell me
what is wrong."

"I just talked to the Doctor this morning," I said as I sat down and
wrapped my arms around her thin body.

"And?" she asked with hope in her eyes.  The hope was so strong that I
wanted to tell her that everything was going to be fine.  That she would
come home and watch Donny go to his first day in school and that he would
make his first soccer score.  That she would be there to watch him ride his
bike for the first time.  I wanted to tell her that she would be there when
he went on his first date.  Receive his first Holy Communion, and all of
the things that a mother should get to see.  I looked at her and I lost it.
The tears started to fall and I couldn't get them to stop.  Sobs racked my
body as I held on to her for dear life.  Finally I was all cried out and I
looked up into her eyes.  They were wet but I could still see the love and
determination in her eyes.  "So this is it."

"I'm so sorry," I sniffled.  "I'm so sorry that you have to die.  I'm so
sorry that Donny will grow up without his mommy."

"I'm sorry too dear," Pam said softly.  "I had hoped that I would be able
to beat this cancer thing.  But I'm not going to beable to beat it.  So now
we have work to do."  I was amazed at her dedication again.  Here I had
just told her that she was dying and she was making plans on what to do
next.  Before I realized it three hours had passed and the door opened and
in came running Donny with grandma walking behind him.

"Mommy!" he squealed.  "We went to the flower shop and got you pretty
flowers!"  He handed her a boquet of flowers and Pam took them and smelled
them and smiled at him.  "We had McDonalds for breakfast!"

"Sweetie," Pam said softly.  "You and I and Daddy have to have a grown up
talk right now."

"Do you want me to go?" Ruth asked.

"No mom," Pam said wiping a tear from her eyes.  "I need you to stay."  The
pleading in her eyes was too much for me.  More tears flowed and by now
Donny had seen us both cry and was starting to realize that this was not
good.  His little lip stuck out in a pout as he climbed up in my lap.  This
was going to be rough and long day.

From Pam's point of view.

I watched as Donny slept in the sofa.  His little eyes were closed and I
could still see the tear streaks down his face.  It broke my heart to have
to explain to him that I was going to heaven and he couldn't come.  I
looked over at Don my husband.  He tried to be so strong but I could tell
that his heart was breaking into a million pieces right now.  I realized
that I had to do something.  I had to call in a favor.  I just hope that he
would come.  "Sweetie," I said softly.  "I need you to take Donny home and
put him to bed.  Mom will be there later to watch him and than you can come
back.  When you put Donny down I want you to shower and get a good meal in
and get some sleep.  You are going to need your strength for this."

"Will you be all right?" he asked looking at me with love and concern in
his eyes.

"Yes I'll be fine.  The pain medication has kicked in and I'll be fine for
a few more hours.  Now be a good husband and do what I ask," I pleaded with
him.  I watched as he picked up the sleeping child and walk out the door
with him.  As soon as he was out of the room I picked up the phone and
dialed a number.  It rang three times before I heard his voice.

"Speak!" he demanded in the phone.

"Hello Josh," I said sighing.  "I need to call in that favor."

In Orlando Florida

From JC's Point of View

"Yo Josh!" exclaimed a hyper Justin.  "Phone for you."  Talking into the
phone.  "I'm sorry I'm not Josh but he is coming shortly."

I ran into the office and grabbed my cell phone from Justin's hands.  "This
is Josh," I said into the receiver.

"Josh it's me Pam," Pam Smith said back at me.  "I need you."  The tone of
her voice sent shivers down my spine.  Her voice told me she was in
trouble.

"What is wrong?" I said making sure that I was alone.

"I'm dying," Pam replied.  "I need you to come to Colorado and help take
care of Don my husband and my son Donny."  Tears welled up in my eyes as I
heard the devastating news.

"Josh?" asked a suddenly worried Justin.  "What's wrong?"

"Hold on a minute Pam," I said softly.  Turning to Justin.  "Can you get me
a plane ticket to Denver?"

"Yea sure," Justin said still wearing that scared look on his face.  "But
I'm making it two tickets."  I went to argue but I could tell by the look
on his face that he was not going to take no for an answer.  I nodded and
turned my attention back to Pam.

"Ok," I said softly.  "I'm back.  Now tell me what I can do to help."

Back in Denver From Pam's point of view.

"Thanks JC," I said into the phone.  "I can't tell you how much this is
going to mean to me."  I hung up the phone and leaned back in the bed.  I
heard the door open and watched as Don came in.  He was showered and looked
better.  "Husband sit and listen to me.  Don sat down and took my hand.  I
shivered at his touch.  I loved it when he touched me.  I loved it.  "I
want you to promise me you will follow your heart after I am gone."

"What do you mean?" Don asked me.  I sighed and looked up.  I was trying to
find a good way to say this.

"I want you to find a good man and fall in love with him and be happy," I
said bluntly.  Don took a sudden breath in.  "Yes dear I know, in fact I've
known for a long time now."

"You don't hate me?" I asked.

"How can I hate you?" Pam asked.  "You've sacrificed so much of your life
so that Donny and me could have a good life.  I love you for what you did."

"But I lied to you," Don said with tears flowing down his face.

"No you didn't lie to me.  You promised me you would love me and only me.
And you did.  You never once cheated on me, and for that I will always be
grateful.  Now that I am leaving you and Donny I want you to find the true
love of your life and settle down and be happy.  In fact I am sending two
very attractive young men here to help you."  She smiled at me and took my
hand and kissed it lightly.  "Want to know who they are?"

"You're dying and you still have time to matchmake for me?" I asked
shocked.  She laughed softly.  "Ok who are they?"

"Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez," she said with a grin.  "JC is my best
friend.  And I asked him to come up here and help you with the funeral and
stuff."

"And you think something is going to happen?" I asked.  JC was a very
attractive man.  But I wasn't looking for a man right now.  I was
desperately trying to hold onto my wife.

"Well he is gay you know," she giggled.

"How do you know that?" I demanded.

"Because he told me," she replied.  "And he is single!  Well at least I
think he is."

Two Weeks later From Don's point of view.

My little family was kneeling around Pam's bedside praying the Rosary.
Donny was sitting in a chair with his little rosary in his hand.  My rosary
was in my hands too.  Ruth was kneeling on the other side of the bed.  JC
and Justin were in the room and maintaining a respectful distance.  "I love
you." I said softly.  I had taken to interrupting the prayers to tell my
wife that I loved her.  I was panicking to get in as many `I love you' as
possible.  I knew that our time was running short as husband and wife. "I
love you."  I could hear JC and Justin talking quietly among themselves.  I
heard JC tell Justin that there wasn't much more time.  Justin had his arms
wrapped around Donny.  Donny was staring at Pam and me with large
frightened eyes.  He knew he was losing his mommy and he was scared to
death.  Justin had attached himself to Donny from the first night that
Justin and JC had arrived in town.  "I love you Pam."  Her eyes locked on
to mine I could see her answer in them.  She was no longer able to talk but
we continued to communicate with our eyes and hearts.  "Remember that
always.  I love you Pamela Smith."  Fresh tears flowed down my face.
Taking a deep breath I finished the Rosary.

"Hail Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope.
To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve.  To thee do we send up
our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.  Turn, then, most
gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy towards us; and after this our
exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus.  O clement, O
loving, O sweet Virgin Mary. Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God, that we may
be made worthy of the promises of Christ.  Amen," I glanced up and looked
into the face of my wife.  I watched as Ruth held up the Crucifix from the
same Rosary that Pam had held on our wedding day to her lips.  Pam's lips
graced the feet of the Crucified Christ.

I watched as her chest rose once more and than she breathed no more.  I
heard JC strangle back a sob.  Justin wrapped his arms around JC as JC
buried his head into his shoulder.  I listened as the doctor droned on
about the time of death that Pam had passed on.  I reached up and touched
her still warm face and looked into the lifeless eyes.  I realized that at
that point she was just a shell.  What was my wife was no more.  Her soul
had passed on.  I heard Donny's soft cries and I turned my attention to
him.  Justin let Donny go and Donny leapt into my arms burying his face
into my shoulder.  I laid his little head on my shoulder and allowed him to
cry all he wanted.  "Hey little man," I whispered in his ear.  "Mommy loves
you so much."  He continued to cry.  "She is in heaven now where there is
no more pain or suffering.  She is happy and is looking down at us.  She
loves us and I love you and I will be here at your side taking care of
you."  Donny continued to cry his little eyes out.  Justin reached for him
and I reluctantly handed him over.  Justin and Donny had forged a deep
friendship over the course of the last two weeks.  We all said our final
good byes to Pam and than quietly left the hospital room and headed for
home.  Home to pick up the rest of the pieces of my life.

The next 24 hours passed quickly.  There was the family members to call and
the funeral arrangements to be made.  JC and Justin moved into the guest
rooms and took over as much as they could.  I tried to protest but JC would
hear nothing of it.  He insisted that he was here to help and help is what
he would do.  I had to admit that I liked having him around.  Justin was a
pleasure too.  He loved children and when he saw Donny's little sad face he
started to cry too.  The two bounded immediately.  It was so cute.  JC was
always at my side helping me with everything.  I had even borrowed his
shoulder to cry on several times a day.  The hardest time was sleeping in
that huge bed all by myself.  I had finally gave up and headed out onto the
couch.  JC was there through it all.  I wondered in the back of my mind
just how long he was planning to stay.

"Mr. Smith?" asked a male voice.  I looked up at the coffin that I was
picking out.  It was a wood Coffin of a cherry finished.  "Is this the one
you wanted?"

"Yes," I replied.  "Cherry was Pam's favorite wood."

"Very good sir," the mortician said softly.  I nodded as he continued to
drone on about the options that I had.  This funeral was going to cost a
pretty penny.  But I didn't care.  Pam had seen this coming for quite some
time and had managed to get a life insurance policy with me as the
beneficiary.  She also had one for Donny too.  We were set for a long time.

"Hey Don," JC's soft voice drifted over me.  "How are you holding up?"

"As good as can be expected," I sighed.  "I'll be glad when this is over."

"Yea picking out coffins is not my idea of a fun time," JC replied.

"Yea well this last year hasn't been a fun time either," I muttered
bitterly.  "I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have snapped."

"Hey," JC soothed me.  "You have nothing to be sorry for.  You're allowed
to snap at me all you want."  I smiled at him and he smiled back.

"How is Donny doing?" I asked.

"Well last I checked he was taking Justin for all of his quarters and
dollar bills," JC said with a giggle.  "They are at the arcade playing
video games and pigging out on pizza."  My eyes watered up and I could feel
the tears rolling down my face.  "Hey," JC said softly as he wrapped his
arms around me.  "What is it?"

"Why?" I asked looking into his eyes.  "Why are you doing this for me?"

"Because Pam was a good friend of mine and I'm here because she asked me to
come and I am now very good friends with her husband," JC replied.  "And
good friends help each other out."

"But you have your own lives, you and Justin both.  Why would you put your
lives on hold to help me and Donny?" I was confused.  I was having these
feelings of need and want for JC and I hadn't even buried my wife yet.  And
I thought I had dealt with these emotions and I thought that they were
buried in the past. But now they were returning and I felt my self feeling
as if I was betraying my wife.  "What do you want in return?"

"Nothing," JC replied.  "I don't want a thing.  Well actually there is one
thing I want."

"And that is?" I asked.

"A chance to get to know you and Donny better," JC replied.

"I think we can do that," I smiled.

"Good on that note than why don't we go find Justin and Donny and get some
lunch," JC suggested.

"I'm not hungry," I replied.  But seeing the concerned face I changed my
mind.  "But I need to keep up my strength.  So a sandwich would be good
right about now."

A half hour later I walked into the pizza and arcade place in time to hear
the very welcomed sound of my son's laugh.  I looked over to see him
spraying silly string all over Justin.  Justin was spraying silly string at
Donny too.  Donny had bright blue silly string and Justin had orange.  I
looked at JC and saw his eyes bright with humor.  "Should we interrupt
their fun?" I asked JC.

"I don't know," JC said grinning.  "It is good to see Donny smiling."

"Yea but they are starting to draw some attention," I said pointing to
customers looking in the direction of the two.

"Yea I guess you are right," JC sighed.  "I'll take the big kid you take
the little one."  We walked over to the two.  "Ahem!" coughed JC.  Justin
jerked his head around at JC.

"Ahem!" I coughed too.  Donny looked up at me.  His face was flushed with
happiness.  "Are you two having fun?"

"He started it!" Donny said pointing to Justin.  Justin's mouth popped open
in shock.  It had seemed that Donny had decided to rat poor Justin out.

"Oh really?" I said grinning at JC.  "What should we do about that JC?"  By
now JC had gotten a can of silly string from another customer.

"Well I think there is only way to handle this," JC said grinning a very
naughty grin.  I had to admit it made JC look very sexy.  Ok where did that
come from?  Before I could stop him he pointed the can at Justin and
proceded to spray Justin with the silly string.  Donny's high pitch giggles
filled the room.  Soon we were all laughing the expense of poor Justin.  He
took it all in good humor too.  After we cleaned up all the mess we found a
table.

"How did it go?" Justin asked JC softly.

"As well as can be expected," JC replied.  "All the arrangements are done.
All we have to do is basically show up."

"How are you doing?" Justin asked me directly.

"Better," I replied as I took a bite out of my BLT.  "The insurance check
came in today so the bills are paid."

"Have you given any thought about what you and Donny are going to do next?"
JC asked softly.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Well are you going to continue to live here or move?" JC asked.  I had a
feeling this was leading up to something.

"What difference does it make if we live here or somewhere else?" I asked.
If JC was up to something he was going to have to spill the goods.  JC
looked at Justin and Justin nodded.  "What is going on?" I demanded.

"Before Pam passed away she asked me to come out here," JC started.

"Yea I know," I replied.  Where was this headed?  "But you and Pam were
friends.  So she needed you here."

"No," JC replied.  "She asked me to come here to help you and Donny out."

"Umm that is really nice," I started only to have JC hold up his hand.

"Listen Donny," he said grabbing my hand.  "You are going to need help.  I
mean you have a lot to deal with right now.  Your son is heart broken and
needs to be around people who love him.  Justin loves him so much and so do
I.  We also care very much about you too.  I guess what we are trying to
say is this."

"We want you two to come out to Florida with us," Justin blurted out.

"Hello!" JC hissed at Justin.  "Try to break it to him gently!"

"Gently or not why should I move out there?" I demanded.  "I am very happy
here!  I have a house that I love and I have plenty of money to live off
of."

"What are you going to do for a living?" JC demanded.  "You're not going to
just live off of your dead wife's money are you?"  Ok so that was below the
belt.

"I'm not ready to go back to work yet!" I hurled at him.  "Jesus! I haven't
even buried my wife yet!"

"JC he is right," Justin said softly.  "We don't have to talk about this
right now."

"Fine!" JC said in a huff and got up and walked out of the building.  I sat
back and sighed.  I had pissed JC off and that was the last thing I wanted
to do.

"What was all that about?" I demanded.  Justin looked down.  "Justin?" I
demanded.

"Listen it is not in my place to say anything," Justin mumbled.  "You
should really talk to JC about it."

"Fine that is exactly what I am going to do!" I huffed as I got up and
walked too.  Once outside I spotted JC sitting on a bench.  He as staring
down at his feet.  I sat next to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"What?" he shot at me.

"What was that all about?" I asked softly.  "I mean what is the real reason
you want me to move down to Florida with you?"

"You need me," JC said bluntly.  "You and Donny need us."

"Why?" I asked confused.

"You just do!" JC repeated.  "Listen you and Donny have been through hell
the last year.  You've had to watch your wife slowly die and Donny has had
to loose his mother slowly over the last year.  You need companionship.
You need friends close to you.  I like you and so does Justin.  Let us help
you.  You can come down and live with us and we can help you get through
this.  We can help you pick up the pieces of your life.  We can help you
start over."

"What if I don't want to start over?" I asked.  "I mean what if I don't
want to move?"  I could see that JC hadn't thought of that.  "I love it
here."

"Why do you love it here?" JC pressed on.

"Because Pam is here," I said softly.  "Everywhere I look I see Pam."

"That's not healthy," JC replied.  "You need to move on with your life and
start over."

"Not now!" I insisted.  "I'm not ready to move on yet!  Why are you pushing
me towards this?  I mean come on JC.  What is the real reason you are doing
this."

"I care about you!" JC insisted.  "Ok?"

"No," I said bluntly.  "Not ok.  There is more going on than just you
caring about me.  Now I want to know what it is."

"Not now Ok," JC said with a pained expression on his face.

"Ok you win for now.  We won't discuss this for now.  But you have to agree
not to discuss me going with you guys either," I negotiated with him.

"Ok Deal," JC said with a small grin.  "Now let's go back to lunch." After
eating lunch we headed for home.  Now I live in a nice town house.  Three
Bedrooms to be exact.  All of them upstairs.  And everywhere is reminders
of Pam.  Well there should be.  I mean she decorated the place.  I was
doing ok until Justin commented on the décor of the place.  Well
needless to say I went bawling up stairs into our old room.  I fell onto
the bed and cried myself to sleep.  Needless to say JC was having a field
day yelling at poor Justin.

From JC's point of view.

"Good going Justin!" I hurled at Justin.

"I'm sorry," Justin said meekly.  "I had no idea that he would explode like
that."

"Well think about it! He just lost his wife just a little over 24 hours
ago.  He is nervous wreck and the last thing he needs to do is dwell on the
fact that his wife decorated this place!" I stormed passed him leaving him
alone.  I crept up stairs and peeked in on Don.  To my relief he was
sleeping soundly in the middle of his bed.  I watched him sleep for a few
minutes.  He was a very good looking guy.  It was obvious that he worked
out on a regular basis.  He had tossed his shirt off and his jeans too.  So
he was just in his boxers so I got a good look at his chest and abs.  He
wasn't built like a body builder but he was cut and defined.  He was pretty
much hairless too.  I allowed my eyes to travel further down.  I noticed
that his package filled out his boxers rather well.  And from the treasure
trail I knew that he had a pretty good bush of pubes down there.  He turned
slightly and his limp cock slipped out of the opening in the boxers.  It
was about five inches soft and my watered at the possibility of taking it
in my mouth.  I shook those thoughts from my head.  I remembered Pam's
warning when she and I talked about me dating Don.  I heard a moan and
looked down to see his cock at full staff.  Yep, I was going to enjoy
riding that cock when we finally did hook up well that is of course if we
hooked up.  I could feel myself getting hard so I quickly left the room and
was going to start heading down stairs when I heard a whimper from Donny's
room.  I peaked in and saw him sitting on his bed hugging his teddy bear
crying his eyes out.  Seeing that cute little boy cry his eyes out broke my
heart.  I walked in and sat down next to him.  "Hey," I said softly.  He
launched him self at me and wrapped his arms around my stomach.

"I want mommy!" he sobbed loudly.  "Why did she have to go?"  I tried to
think of something to say but I realized that maybe I didn't have to say
anything.  I laid back on his bed and he snuggled up to me and laid his
little head on my chest.  Soon he was sound asleep.  At some point I fell
asleep too.  I was just so comfortable that I fell asleep.

From Don's point of view.

I woke up and sat up and realized that I had fallen asleep in our room.  I
eased out of bed and slipped on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and headed
out the door.  I peaked into Donny's room and smiled.  JC had fallen sleep
with Donny.  Since JC was sleep I took this time to really get a good look
at JC.  I could see the beginning of his abs for his shirt has raised up
just enough so that I could get a peak at them.  His abs from what I could
see were really defined.  I looked at his face and decided that he had to
be best looking man around.  He was skinny but very attractive.  Maybe Pam
was right.  Maybe JC and I had a chance.

"Penny for your thoughts?" came a voice from behind me.  I looked back to
see Justin standing behind me.

"They are so cute together," I said softly.

"Yea JC would make a great daddy one day," Justin said sadly.

"You say that as if that won't happen," I replied.

"Well he is gay," Justin blurted out.  For some reason that comment made me
very happy.

"Really?" I asked grinning.  Pam had told me that JC was Gay but hearing it
from Justin and confirming it was good to hear.  I wondered--.  I guess I
had a dreamy look on my face and Justin caught it too and grinned.  "What?"
I asked trying to act all innocent.

"You like him," Justin said with a triumphant grin on his face.  I sighed
and looked back at the sleeping JC.

"I won't deny that I have feelings of sorts for him.  And I won't deny that
I find him very attractive.  Hell I find both of you very attractive.  But
I am not ready for a relationship Justin," Justin nodded but still wore
that very happy look on his face.  "And how do I know that JC has feelings
for me?"

"Oh trust me," Justin giggled.  "He does."

"And for that matter how do you know I am gay?" I asked staring hard at
Justin.  "I just lost my wife Justin."

"Gay people get married all the time," Justin replied shrugging his
shoulders.  "We all do things because we have to."

"Like what?" I asked suddenly curious.

"Like you," Justin replied.  "You got married and had a kid.  You wanted to
do that right?"  I nodded.  "But you're gay.  JC is gay and he is looking
for boyfriend."

"But Pam and JC were friends.  Isn't that a little weird?" I asked
confused.  "I mean wouldn't JC feel guilty as hell for falling for his best
friends husband?"

"Yea he probably does but that won't stop him if he wants you," Justin
said.  "When JC wants something he goes all out."  We heard Donny whimper
softly and I looked up to see him sitting up in bed.  He saw me and
clamored out of bed and ran over to me.  I leaned down and picked him up.
I inhaled deeply breathing in his little boy scent.  I also noticed the
distinct scent of JC's cologne too.  I found it very attractive.

"Hey little buddy," I said smiling at him.  "What's wrong?"

"I miss Mommy," he replied softly.  "I want to see mommy."  I realized at
this point that it was going to take a long time for Donny to get over the
death of his mommy.

"Baby," I said softly.  "I know you miss mommy and I miss her too.  But
mommy can't be here with us right now."

"Why?" Donny asked frowning.

"Donny?" Justin soft voice drifted over us.  "Do you know about God?"
Donny nodded as he sniffled loudly.  "Well God needs your mommy right now."

"Why?" Donny asked.

"Because your mommy is so pretty and so wonderful that God wanted her up
there," Justin said.

"But I want mommy down here!" Donny replied stubbornly.  "God can pick
someone else to come up there!"  I tried really hard not laugh and managed
to cover it up with a cough.

"I know you do sweetie," Justin said with tears running down his face.
"But when God calls one of his children home we have to obey him.  You obey
your daddy don't you?"  Donny nodded quickly.  "Well God is our heavenly
father and we have to obey him too."

"So mommy is obeying God by going to heaven?" Donny asked.  Justin nodded.
"Well then mommy should stay up there than.  Cause if Mommy disobeys God he
might send her to bed without dinner!"  This time I did laugh and so did
Justin.  Our laughing woke up JC and he eased out of bed and walked over to
us.

"What's so funny?" he asked as he ruffled Donny's hair.

"We were explaining to Donny why his mommy had to go to heaven," Justin
replied.  "Did you have a good nap?"  JC nodded as he laid his head against
my shoulder.  I know it was an innocent move but it felt good.  Justin
noticed and smirked.

"What?" JC asked looking confused.

"Nothing," Justin replied smugly.  "Why don't we all go down stairs and
decide what we are doing for the rest of the evening."  I eased out form
under JC and followed Justin down stairs.  Donny was already down and had
the TV on and was watching Sponge Bob.  Justin plopped down beside him and
was soon engrossed in watching it too.  JC and I sat down on the couch and
begin to have a long talk.

"Ok so if I decide to try this thing what is going to happen?" I asked JC
bluntly.

"I have a huge house," JC said.  "I'm the only one in it and well I guess I
was hoping that maybe you would move in with me."

"Won't that disrupt your life?" I asked.  "I mean having me move in won't
be that big of a deal but having a three year old child move in would
really change your life.  Are you prepared to take an active role in
raising Donny?"  I watched as JC's face looked down at Donny.  I noticed
that it had an almost lonely look on it.  "JC?" I prodded.

"I love children," JC whispered.  "I'm gay and I've pretty much given up
all hope of having any children of my own.  I would love to be a part of
Donny's life no matter how small."  He looked up at me and I looked into
his blue eyes.  I couldn't help but get lost in them.  "So," he said in a
soft voice.  "You maybe thinking of moving down to Florida with us?"

"Do you have feelings for me?" I blurted out.  JC jerked his head up and
locked his eyes on mine.  "Cause right now is not a good time to start a
relationship right now.  I mean, I guess what I am trying to say is that
umm--," his finger graced my lips and I heard a soft shhh and I followed
his advice.  I stopped babbling.  I waited for him to continue to talk.

"When I first saw you and saw the heart break in your eyes and heard you
cry yourself to sleep for the first couple of nights that we were here I
have to admit that I did have some feelings for you.  I hurt when you do.
I smile when you do," JC admitted.  "And now that we have gotten to know
each other better well I am convinced that those feelings are for real.  I
do have feelings for you Donny and some day I would love to act on them.
But I know that you lost your wife and you are morning her.  I would never
dream of intruding on that right now.  Even though Pam was playing
matchmaker for us I think we should take it at a slower pace."

"I think I can live with that," I smiled.  "Now about us moving down to
Florida with you and Justin.  I would love to try it out.  But we need to
get Donny's ok on it too."

"Well I think we should wait until after the funeral for that," JC
suggested.

"I think that is a good idea," I replied.  It was at that point that my
stomach growled loudly.  "And on that note I think we should think about
eating dinner.  What is everyone in the mood for?"

"Hamburgers!" Justin and Donny spoke up.  I looked at JC and he nodded.

"Ok I'll fire up the grill and Justin and JC if you will go down to corner
store and get some meat buns and potato salad and baked beans we can get
this cook out started."

"Why don't Donny go with Justin and I'll stay behind and help you with the
grill," JC suggested.  I had to admit that it did sound like a good idea.

"Sounds good to me," I smiled.

Later while Justin and Donny were out.

"So how do you light this thing?" JC asked looking at the smoker grill.  "I
don't see the knobs or gas bottle."  I giggled at him and put down the
heavy bag of charcoal by his feet.  "What is that?" he asked.

"This my dear is charcoal," I replied with a grin.  I lifted up the large
lid and started to remove the iron grates and than picked up the ash grate
and dumped it into the trash can.  "And we put the charcoal in this grate
and then we pour lighter fluid on it and than light it."  JC picked up the
bag of charcoal and I watched as he poured some of the charcoal into the
grill.  He was wearing a sleeveless shirt and that allowed me the chance to
watch his arm and shoulder muscles move under his thin layer of skin.
After he was done I picked up the bottle of fluid and doused the charcoal
and than tossed a match into it.  In no time at all we had the charcoal hot
and ready for the burgers.  We sat down on the patio furniture and waited
for Justin and Donny to return.

"So what do you do for a living?" JC asked.

"Well I was the personal assistant to Rich of LFO," I replied.

"Didn't they break up?" JC asked.

"Yea well they say they are taking a break.  Rich is going it alone and he
needed a PA so I was hired for the job," I replied.  "But I quit after he
made a pass at me."  JC was taking a drink from his beer bottle at the time
I said that and needless to say beer went shooting from his mouth.  I
started to laugh and he just glared at me while he wiped himself clean.
"Sorry about that," I giggled.

"You mean Rich is gay?" JC asked.

"Nahh," I replied.  "Just horny as hell.  Whether it is a mouth pussy or
ass he doesn't care.  Just as long as he gets his rocks off."  JC nodded
and resumed drinking his beer.  I heard the high squeal on Donny's laughter
drift out on the patio and than heard his little feet pattering on the
kitchen tile.  Justin came trotting out behind him carrying a plate of meat
patties.

"We can have a cook out now!" Donny exclaimed as he hopped in JC's lap.  So
with Donny's announcement we all pitched in and soon had dinner done.

After Donny was fed and bathed and put into bed Justin announced that he
was going shopping.  That left me and JC to talk.  I led him into the
living room and sat down in the very comfortable sofa.  He sat down next to
me.  It seemed like the most natural thing to do so I picked up his legs
and placed them in my lap and JC leaned back against the cushions.  He
sighed as he closed his eyes.  I looked at him and realized how tired he
was.  I suddenly had an idea.  I picked up the remote to the fireplace and
turned it on.  I than hit the music remote and turned it on too.  Soon soft
strains of piano music was playing through the speakers over head.  I
nudged him until he opened his eyes.  "Come here," I said softly.  He
looked confused.  "Don't worry, I just want hold you."  He smiled at that
and came over to me and leaned back against my chest.  I leaned back
against the soft confines of the couch.  I wrapped my arms around him and
pulled him as close as I could.  Bending down I planted a soft kiss on his
forehead.  "Now be a good house guest and go to sleep."  JC mumbled
something that sounded like thanks and was soon sound asleep.  As I held
onto JC I thought about my life.  Four years ago I was happy with Pam.  Yes
I was gay and I had gay lovers in the past.  I tried to think back on those
lovers and tried to gauge my love for them.  I finally gave up and realized
that what I felt for them was no where even close to what I was feeling
right now.  I looked down to see JC's eyes open and looking up at me.
"What are you doing awake?"

"Looking at you," JC replied.  "You are beautiful you know that?"  I
blushed and looked away.  "I really want to kiss you right now."

"Than why don't you?" I asked.  I watched as his face moved close to mine.
I could feel the warm breath on my face.  Our lips were mere centimeters
from each other.  His lips touched mine first.  I would love to say that
time stood still during that kiss but that wouldn't be true.  Time
continued on while we kissed.  I felt every moment and tasted ever second
of the kiss.  JC's tongue ran along the inside of my mouth and I shivered
as I slid my tongue into his mouth.  JC let out this cutest little whimper
as his arms wrapped around me.  I also noticed that his clothe covered cock
was gently thrusting into my crotch.  I gently eased him away from me and
smiled at the soft little pout on his face.  "I promise that we can do this
more," I smiled.  "But for now let's shut off the fireplace and take this
upstairs."  JC didn't say anything I took that for yes.  I took his hand
and led him upstairs into my room.  I had had all the sheets washed and new
ones put on the bed.  After stripping to my boxers and JC stripped down
too.  I pulled back the blankets and he slid in and I slid in behind him.
I spooned into JC wrapping my arms around him.  I shivered at the feel of
his flesh against mine.  I could tell he enjoyed it too.  I kissed him
lightly on the bare shoulder and closed my eyes.  I fell into the most
peaceful slumber I have had in over a year.


I felt a pair of lips gracing my shoulder.  I grunted and snuggled deeper
into the soft confines of the blankets and comforters.  I heard a giggle
and than I felt the lips again.  I opened an eye and looked up to see a
cheerful JC grinning down at me.  "Good morning," he said softly as he ran
his finger along the side of my face.  "How did you sleep?"

"Very well thank you.  How about you?" I asked.

"Better than I can ever remember," JC sighed as he wrapped his arms around
me and pulled closer to him.  "Do you think we should get up?"

"Yea umm we have to," I said as it all came back to me.  "We have my wife
to bury."  Well talk about pouring cold piss over everything.  After a
period of long silence we climbed out of bed and got showered and dressed.
Donny was staying at home today.  He is best friend Dylan was coming over
to play.  I put on my suit and JC put his on too.  I had to admit that he
looked hot in his.  Finally looked at the clock and saw it was time to go.
JC walked out of the house first followed by me and than lastly Justin.  We
climbed into the limo together and left for the church.  I was going to
close a major part of my life.  I was going to bury Pam.  Question was.
How was I going to get on with my life with out her?  I looked over at JC
and saw him looking at me.  I leaned over and kissed him lightly on the
lips.  I heard Justin take a sudden breath in.  I looked over at him and
saw that he had a smile on his face too.  Yea I may be burying my wife
today but at least I had a bright future.


TBC