Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2000 22:06:02 EDT
From: Jessica Taylor <midnight_violet18@hotmail.com>
Subject: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 1

Disclaiers and Such...

This does not in any way, shape, or form imply anthying sexually about the
characters involved in this story, namely the Backstreet Boys.

They could be... they might not be, who am I to say for sure?  The
characters of Zach, Amy, and Kyle are not real people either, just figments
of an overactive immagination.

If you're under 18... why are you here? Tisk, tisk, tisk you really
shouldn't be.  Same goes for if you are offended by homosexual
relationships, why are you here?

It's also my first time submitting something to Nifty... so don't be too
harsh.  We all stumble when we first learn to walk.

Email is: Midnight_Violet18@hotmail.com for any hate mail, praises or
anything else you could think of.

And now...

Picking Up the Pieces (of a Shattered Life)
Chapter 1

	Life is a delicate thing.
	Love lives are even more precious.
	So can someone tell me why God has decided to fuck me over royally?
	Wait...I had better start from the beginning.  Then maybe you'll
understand where I'm coming from.
	I had just gotten into New York literally seconds before I decided
to surprise my boyfriend.  Zach and I had been together for months.  Nick
and Zach, Zach and Nick, the guys were about to punt us out a window we
were so sweet to each other.  Zach hadn't called me in the last month, and
even though I had been pretty busy with promotional stuff and all that crap
that comes along with a new album, I was concerned.  We hadn't gone two
weeks without talking to each other.  So hence the surprise visit.
	Going to the apartment address I knew by heart, I went to Zach's
loft, avoiding at all possible confrontation with anybody.  As I knocked on
the door, I heard a shuffle, a scream of "I'll be right there!" and a
girl's giggle.
	"That's weird.  Zach doesn't talk to that many girls that he
actually invites back to his place." I thought as I waited impatiently and
now with curiosity for Zach to open the door.
	"One more sec--" Zach said as he opened the door and poked his head
out.  His green eyes widened in surprise when he saw me. "Nick...I didn't
expect to hear from you today, much less see you."
	"Well I just got in a few minutes ago, and when my boyfriend
decides to not talk to me for a month, I decide to take matters into my own
hands and see him." I said, smiling slightly.
	"Oh... sorry about the not calling thing." He said, running his
fingers through his short brown hair.  Uh oh, Zach only did that when he
was nervous.
	"Zachy!  Come back here!" I heard the same girl who had giggled
yell.
	"Who's that?" I asked him, now trying to get into the apartment and
see who this mystery girl was.
	"Nobody." Zach was still blocking the doorway.
	"Zach.  Come back to bed." A woman said as she rested her head on
Zach's shoulder.  It was plainly obvious that she was wearing nothing under
a sheet.  Then she noticed me standing there, shock starting to appear on
my face.  Who the fuck was this woman screwing with my boyfriend?  "Hi.
I'm Sarah." She said with a cheerfulness that was completely intoxicating
and suffocating me at the same time.
	"Who is she?" I asked Zach, tears forming at the corner of my eyes.
So sue me, I'm a softy when it comes to my relationships.
	"She's my...girlfriend." Zach said softly.  I knew that Zach was
bi, but it would have been nice if he had at least told me before I had
made complete fool of myself by coming here that he had a girlfriend now.
	"So she's your girlfriend?  Thanks for NOT TELLING ME WE BROKE UP!"
I yelled, anger and heartache blurring my vision. "How much longer were you
going to wait to tell me?  Huh?  Another two damn months?!?"
	"Nick let me explain..."
	"No don't fucking start.  DON'T EVEN FUCKING START ZACHARY JAMES
OWENS!" I yelled at the top of my lungs as tears blurred my vision and I
started backing away from him to the stairs.  "Just don't fucking start
apologizing." I said softly as I opened the door for the stairwell
forcefully and started running down the steps, never turning back.
	And now here I walk, my head bent down low, shuffling my feet,
wondering what went wrong and why God has decided to fuck me over.  I mean
what the heck did I do that pissed him off so much that he decided to screw
up the one thing that was actually going good for me in my hectic life.  I
mean being in a relationship when you're in the public eye 24-7 was hard
enough, try doing it when you're gay.
	I've know that I was gay for about 5 years now, and when I finally
got up enough nerve to tell the guys, J was fine with it, since we all knew
that he was bi anyway, and Howie took a little bit to accept it, but he was
fine with it within minutes.  Brian and Kevin were another story. It took
some mighty long convincing from AJ and Howie that I wasn't Satan, or
doomed to hell because I was gay and they were going to come with me along
for the ride since they knew me.  Finally Kev and Frick were fine with it,
in fact nowadays we joke about it more than feel uncomfortable about it.
	Relationships were a tricky thing though.  In the last five years,
I have had about half a dozen boyfriends, Zach lasting the longest at 8
months.  I had thought that maybe Zach and I were gonna finally work, since
we seemed to click so well, but I guess I was wrong on that count.  Another
strike out in the relationship department for Carter.
	Finally noticing where I was, and remembering Kevin yell to me
where we were staying, I redirected myself towards the hotel, knowing where
to go since we had stayed there before.  I decided to take the long way
there, giving me more time to wallow in my self-pity.  Sure wallowing in
self-pity was bad for you, even made you feel more depressed, but try being
me at this moment and you'll understand why I want to wallow.  Eight
months...  eight months with the man who I thought I was going to be with
for eternity... only to find out that he left me for a better fuck from a
girl.  That really, really sucks.
	Bumping into a few people on the street and muttering a few quick
"I'm sorry"s I made my way to the hotel.  I went straight for the front
desk, bypassing some of the fans that actually managed to find our hotel
and sit outside.  I didn't want to deal with them right now.
	"My friend left me a key for the penthouse on the 34th floor with
the front desk.  Would it be possible for me to get it?" I asked one of the
people working behind the desk.
	"What's the name of your friend?" the woman asked, booting up the
computer to check the guest list.
	Damn what alias does Kevin use?  Starts with a K... "Kyle Roberts."
I finally remembered it.
	"Okay sir," the woman said seeing Kev's alias in the registry,
"here's your key." She gave me an extra copy of the penthouse key.
	"Thanks." I said as I pulled my cap further over my bloodshot eyes.
	"Your welcome." she said with a pleasant smile.
	I went to the elevator and swiped the card through the slot to
allow access to the penthouse suite.  Pressing the 'Close Door' button, I
leaned back against the mirrored wall of the elevator and took a few deep
breaths, trying to compose myself somewhat.
	Finally I heard the ding of the elevator reaching its floor and the
'swish' of the elevator doors opening.  Walking down the hall, I swiped the
card through the electronic keycard attached to the lock on the door.  I
opened the door and yelled, "Hello!  Anybody home?"
	Just then AJ came down the hall from the kitchen.  "Hey Nick,
Za...wait a sec, where's you hip attachment Carter?" he said jokingly, but
that just got the tears started again.
	Does anyone know what the point is in composing yourself when you
cry minutes later?  Stupid Bone.  Knows exactly what to say to make me feel
like shit.  Gotta add that one to the list of his numerous damn talents.
	"AJ just shut the fuck up." I said through my tears as I ran to the
bedrooms and into the first open door, which thankfully was empty at the
time.  I closed the door with a slam as I ran to the bed and fell onto it,
crying forcefully into the pillow.

**********

	Kevin was sitting at his portable keyboard playing with some chords
for a song he had been tinkering with for a while.  He knew that he
wouldn't be interrupted for a while because Nick was with Zach, Howie and
Brian were visiting their girls Amy and Leighanne, and AJ wanted some
quality 'veg' time in front of the TV.  So he figured it would be a perfect
time to, hopefully, finish the song.
	That's when he heard Nick yell and a few minutes later a rather
violent door slam.  'Damage control time.  Wonder what the heck happened
this time.' he thought.
	Kevin put down his pad and pencil on top of the keyboard and left
his bedroom.  Walking down the hall he heard rather loud sobbing coming
from Howie's room, which he assumed was more than likely Nick.
	Going into the common area, he saw AJ standing there with a
confused expression on his face, and an unopened bottle of beer in his
hand.  "What'd you do this time J?" Kevin sighed.
	"I didn't DO anything.  All I did was ask Nick where Zach was,
since Zach didn't come in with him.  Then he started crying and ran into
D's room."
	"Crap.  Tell me they broke up." Kevin shook his head in his hands.
"I'll go see what I can do." He turned around and walked over to Howie's
room.
	He lightly knocked on the door, but the only thing he heard was the
muffled sniffles from Nick.  Grabbing the doorknob, he quietly opened the
door to the room.  "Nick?"
	The only response Kevin got as he stepped further into the room was
more muffled cries as Nick cried harder into the pillow.  Kevin walked over
to the bed and sat down on the edge, gently rubbing Nick's back.  "Nicky?
Wanna talk about it?" he said as he continued to try to soothe Nick.

**********

Well that's chapter 1, tell me what you think.  I hope you liked it... but
hey ya can't please all of the people all of the time.  If you do actually
think it's good then another chapter should be out in the next few weeks.
Till then, this is Jess saying Adios.  (Never told you I was a girl did
I...)