Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 18:06:15 GMT
From: Nathaniel O'Leary <nathanielstories@hotmail.com>
Subject: question of faith part 10

It's been awhile but here is another part of Question of Faith.

I would like to thank Tim for the idea and advice. Matthew for his loyal
feedback. Toby, thank you for being there. Trace, thanks for pushing me.
Hope you like the result.

Nifty thank you for hosting.

DISCLAIMER: as far as I know no-one of the Backstreet Boys, Nsync or 5ive
are gay. It is a fictional story.

It is a short part this time.  There will be more soon and it will be
longer.

********

Kevin leaned back and closed his eyes. In his mind an image of a young
blond came up. A smile like no one else. Eyes bright and blue filled with
love for him. Nothing like the blond boy giving him a blowjob. Kevin opened
his eyes again. The moment was gone. He pushed the blond away. Kevin
grabbed some money and tossed it in his face.

'Go!'

The young man hurried his way out of the room. Kevin walked to the
bathroom. He stared at his reflection. Black rings around his eyes, pale
skin. Kevin turned on the shower. Within seconds the bathroom was filed
with steam. He undressed and stepped inside the hot shower. His tears mixed
with the water. His hand moved down his body and his lean fingers wrapped
around his throbbing erection. He slowly moved them up and down. The
thought of the hooker came back to him and he started to move his hand
frantically up and down. He wanted to erase the lips that touched him. The
hand that caressed him. Tears were flowing down his cheeks. He cried out
Nick's name as he came. His cry echoed back.

*****

"God I'm so bored.'

Nick fell down on his bed.

Julia looked up from her book. 'Go and ask Riche and Justin to play
basketball.'

Nick rolled his eyes. 'They are in massive make out mode. They don't want
me to be the third wheel.'

Julia placed her book on the nightstand. 'Can't you go out and do
something?'

Nick snorted. 'We are in Belgium. All the fans are gathered outside the
hotel.'

Julia thought for a second. 'I have a great idea. I need Richie and Justin
here for it.' She jumped up and ran in the other room. Nick could hear
Richie protest.

Justin walked into the bedroom. 'She is a mean woman.' He said while
rubbing his ear.

'So you have us here now.' Richie rubbed his ear as well.

Julia sat down next to Nick. 'I have a great idea.'

Richie Justin and Nick looked at each other.

'What about a little bet.  This country is very small and I bet you can
hitch hike to the next arena without any problems.'

Justin started laughing. 'Um, Julia we are famous. Massive fan crowds
downstairs.'

Julia grabbed her bag.' Ta da. Hair dye. I bought some nice dark colours
for you all.'

Nick grabbed a bottle. 'Dark brown. Will it suit my eyes?'

'Only one way to find out.' And Richie pulled him to the bath room.

****** J called Chris and Kevin in to an empty dressing room. 'I have one
question for you. Are Justin and or Nick to found anywhere?'

Chris shook his head. 'Justin comes and goes when he pleases. We never know
where he is.'

'Well they hang out with Richie all the time. I think it is a
being-the-youngest-thing.' J stated.

Kevin didn't say anything. He was boiling inside. The hooker from the night
before had pissed him off and he was still brooding of that. And he was in
need of a cigarette.

'Kevin?' Chris' voice brought him back to reality. 'Do you know where Nick
is?'

'No! The little prick is old enough to keep track of time.' Kevin turned
around and nearly bumped into Julia.

'Hi guys.' She said cheerfully.

Kevin grunted a greeting.

 'Something wrong?'

'We can't find Nick, Richie or Justin.'

 Julia started laughing.

'What's is so funny?' Hissed Kevin.

'They are hitchhiking.' At this point Julia was holding her stomach because
she had to laugh so hard.

'Hitchhiking?' Echoed Chris and J in unison.

'They were bored. I came up with the idea and they hitchhiked from the
hotel to this venue.'

'This venue is 50 miles away from the hotel.'

'They are big boys.'

Chris shook his head. 'Off course, they are immature. They would do a thing
like this.'

Kevin grabbed Julia's arm in a painful grip. 'This joke could get him
injured or hurt. What were you thinking?'

'They were bored and they all liked the idea.'

'What did they do? Add fake beards?'

'No we dyed our hair.' Nick stood in the doorway. Richie and Justin behind
him. Nick took of his baseball cap and showed them his dark brown hair. J
and Chris started laughing.

'I'm just glad you are back.' J walked to Richie. 'Come on. We need to
rehearse.'

Chris and Justin left the room as well. Kevin was still grabbing Julia's
arm.

'Let go of her arm Kevin. She didn't do anything wrong.'

Kevin looked at Nick. His eyes were dark green with anger.

'No, you are the stupid around here.'

Nick walked to Kevin and pushed him away.

'Leave Julia out of this.' Kevin snorted.

'You would defend your girlfriend. Did you tell her you prefer a dick up
your ass than being inside of her?'

Julia gasped.

Nick looked at him. 'You crossed a line here Kevin.'

Kevin laughed sarcastically.

'Stop.'

Kevin didn't stop.

'Stop!' Nick violently shook him. 'Stop laughing.'

Kevin looked at him and chuckled. Nick slid his hand behind Kevin's
head. In a last attempt to stop Kevin he kissed him. Nick kissed him
hard. Kevin opened his mouth in surprise and Nick slid his tongue
inside. Nick swirled his tongue around Kevin's. Lightly touching it. For a
second Kevin kissed him back. The next moment Nick and Julia were alone in
the room. Nick looked at Julia. His hand moves to his lips.

'Oh boy.'

*********** Fatima was pushing them over the edge.

'Come on guys. I know this is a smaller space and you'll only perform this
song all together once but please be nice to me.'

She got several moans as replies.

'Okay, let's do it one more time.' Fatima started to move people in
different positions.

'Okay, JC you stand next to Justin. Scott you go next to JC.'

Justin flinched. Fatima turned the music on again.

'3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.'

They all started dancing. Justin was paying more attention to JC than his
dance steps. Fatima turned of the music.

'If we all can pay attention to this routine we can be out of here in a few
hours.' She glanced at Justin.

Justin smiled his boyish smile. Music filled the room again and Justin
started dancing. JC suddenly lost his balance. He grabbed Justin to stay on
his feet but instead dragged Justin to the ground. Justin tried to break
his fall with his arms but landed on his left arm. He muffled a scream of
pain.

'Oh gee. I'm sorry.' Said JC.

He got up but accidentally stepped on his shoelaces. He fell down again and
landed with his knee on Justin's burned left arm. Justin's scream went
straight through the soul.

'Oh god.' Whispered Justin.

He crawled to his knees. Everyone in the room stood frozen on the spot and
looked at the young man in pain. Lance, Joey and Chris simultaneously
looked the other way. Justin managed to crawl to a corner in the room. The
pain was almost blinding him. He could feel that one of the blisters had
burst and his bandages were soaked. Justin cradled his arm and whimpered
like an injured animal. Someone touched his shoulder.

'Leave me alone.'

'Justin?' Richie kneeled next to him.


'Leave me alone.' Justin pushed Richie away.

'Just, come on. You need to see a doctor.'

'Go away.' Screamed Justin. 'Leave me alone.'

Justin turned around so he faced the wall and started to rock back and
forth. Richie rose to his feet and walked out of the room, a look of pain
clearly visible on his face.

Justin almost started to chant: 'go away.'


Silently everyone left the room. Billie stayed behind. She walked to Justin
and sat down behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and joined
in his rocking. Slowly Justin covered her hand with his. Billie could feel
the tears dripping from his cheek. She rested her face against his
back. Justin turned around and buried his face in her lap. Billie gently
stroked his hair.

'I'm going to take the easy way out.'

Justin's words shocked Billie but she saw the determination in his eyes.

********* Brian pulled Nick aside as soon as they left the room.

'Can I have a word?'

Without waiting for a reply Brian walked to an empty corridor. Nick frowned
and followed him.

'What do you want to talk about?' Asked Nick very innocently.

He had seen the vein throbbing in Brian's neck.

'You Nick. I want to talk about you.'

Nick sighed. 'What did I do now?'

'What kind of game are you playing?'

Nick was confused. 'You mean about my hair?'

Brian shook his head. 'No, first you make a choice, which hurts him
deeply. Than you spend weeks crying over him.'

Nick raised his hand. 'I was forced to do so.'

Brian rolled his eyes. 'No one forced you, Nick. Why did you kiss him? Why
did you turn his world up side down again?'

Nick stared at his feet. 'I wanted to. I wanted to kiss him. He wouldn't
shut up. He had to shut up.'

'Nick you can't do this all the time.'

'Do what?'

'Hurt him.'

Nick snorted. 'And he isn't hurting me? I know about what goes on in his
room at night. I'm not blind or deaf.' Nick saw the panic in Brian's eyes.

'I thought...'

'You thought Nick is blonde and stupid, he will never find out. I saw one
leave the other night.'

Brian ran his hand through his hair. 'It is a natural reaction.'

Nick's head jerked up. 'A natural reaction?'

Brian nodded. 'You spend each night in a room with two other men and a
girl. We only need to put two and two together.'

'I can't believe this. You are supposed to be my friend, Brian. You know
support me.'

Brian avoided Nick's eyes. 'Blood runs thicker than water in this one.'
Whispered Brian.

Nick turned around and wanted to walk away.

'Nick, please listen to me.'

'I hear you Brian.'

'But you aren't listening.' Brian hated to talk to Nick's back. 'I want
best for both of you.'

Nick looked over his shoulder. 'I want what's best for me.'

Nick walked away. Brian called after him but he didn't respond.

'Damn it.' Cursed Brian.

He heard a sound behind him. He turned around. A figure emerged from the
shadows.

'Julia.'

Brian opened his arms and she walked in his embrace.

'Do you think it is working?'

Brian sighed. 'I don't know. My little explosion isn't helping.'

'It is getting harder Brian. I can't pretend to be Kevin at night for much
longer.'

Brian cupped Julia's face. 'We need to keep the love alive. We have to find
a way to get them back together. They still love each other.'

Julia nodded. 'I know they do.'

Brian tenderly kissed her forehead. 'We can manage. Just hold on for a few
more days.'

************* It was already after midnight when Justin returned to his
room. The moon was shinning through the open curtains. Justin walked past
Nick and Julia's bed. As usual Nick was lying almost on top of
Julia. Justin stopped at his bed. Richie was lying with his back towards
him.  Justin sighed and sat down on the edge. After Billie left he had
practised his dancing for a while. Than he had gone outside to think. And
maybe to avoid Richie. Justin buried his head in his hands. He had no tears
left anymore. He rose again and undressed. Richie was lying on the left
side of the bed. Justin hated sleeping on his back so the only option was
to turn his back on Richie. He buried his head in his pillow.

'I only wanted to show you I care.'

Justin had to strain his ears to hear Richie speak. He turned on his
back. At the same time Richie turned around. Justin could see that he had
been crying. The moonlight reflected in his tears.

'I know.'

Richie looked at him. 'You hurt me.'

'I know I did.'

'Don't you care?'

Justin sighed. 'I don't know.'

Richie wiped away his tears. 'Shane once said I loved him too much. I cared
too about him.'

A slight panic started to rise inside Justin. 'I don't know if I love you.'

Richie's eyes filled with pain.

Justin touched his cheek. 'It's too soon. I think I'm in love with you. I
care about you. But love is a big step. It comes gradually. You don't love
someone overnight.'

Justin paused for a second.

'If and when I love someone I want it to be permanent. I don't want to hand
out my heart to get it back in pieces. I want to be sure.'

Richie nodded.

'I didn't want to push you away this afternoon but I had to be alone.'
Justin looked at the dirty bandage. 'I made up my mind. I went outside to
think. I thought about us, I thought about JC, I thought about my life.'
Justin looked at Richie. 'I can only see one way out.'

Richie placed a finger on his lips. 'We can work it out.'

'How?'

Justin raised his voice.

'After this tour you go back to England and do your thing. I have to go
back to America with HIM. I have to live through the mental and physical
pain each day.'

Justin raised his arm.

'I'll remember this tour till I die.'

Richie quickly glanced over Justin to check if Nick and Julia were still
sleeping. 'I'm sorry.'

'For what? You just don't understand.' Justin flipped around and squeezed
his eyes close. Richie placed a hand on his shoulder.

'Maybe I don't understand what you go through but help me understand. Don't
shut me out. I don't deserve that.'

Justin tried to control his sobs. 'I know you don't deserve it. I just
can't handle it anymore. I want out. I want to leave in any way possible.'

Richie hugged him from behind. 'Just remember that you are not alone in
this. You have me.'

Justin nodded. Their fingers entwined.

'When we go to the hospital tomorrow you need to see a doctor for your
arm.'

'Hospital?' Whispered Justin. He felt Richie nod against his back.

'We are going to Queen Emma's Children's hospital to cheer up some sick
kids.'

Justin kissed Richie's fingers.

'That is tomorrow. Can you just hold me now and make the pain go away.'

Richie moulded his body against Justin and a few minutes later the room was
silent again.

************
 Everyone was surprised when they arrived at the hospital. It didn't look
like a hospital. The walls were painted in various colours. Toys were
scattered everywhere. A camera-crew was waiting for them at the entrance.

A MTV presenter jumped in front of them. 'You can all roam around. Go to
the ward you want to go to. The camera will follow.'

Nick wrinkled his nose and looked at Justin. He started laughing.

'Come on guys.' Richie walked further into the hospital.

Everyone wandered off in a different direction. The three young blondes
made their way to the ward of their choice. Soon they were all hovering
over the little infants at the neonatal ward.

'God, look at this one.'

Nick bent over a small boy.

'He is so perfect.'

A nurse smiled. 'Would you like to feed him, sir?'

Nick shook his head. 'That is something the parents should do.'

The nurse grabbed a little bottle. 'They live 200 miles from here and can't
come to visit every day.'

Nick sat down on a chair. Justin and Richie gathered around him. The nurse
placed the little boy in Nick's arms. The child opened his eyes and stared
at the stranger holding him.

'When will he be released?' Asked Justin.

'Soon, he has improved really well.'

The nurse handed Nick the bottle and showed him what to do. Justin and
Richie made funny noises.

Nick looked up with a smile. 'I hope you never have children. They'll be
insane before they turn one.'

Richie and Justin started laughing. They didn't notice the film crew coming
in and taping the little scene. Each time the baby fell asleep while
drinking Nick would softly tickle his feet. Julia sneaked in the room.

Nick smiled as he saw her. 'Look Jules, he likes me.'

More people entered the ward. Nick searched the crowd with his eyes. Julia
knew who he was looking for. But Kevin wasn't there. He had left as soon as
everyone left the entrance hall. It hurt her to see the expression of pain
on Nick's face. His eyes met hers for a second. Than he returned his
attention to the little infant in his arms.  ********* Meanwhile on another
ward Lexie was lying in an examination room. The doctor rubbed some gel on
her stomach.

'You've been having this morning sickness how long?'

'A week or so.'

Lexie looked at the grey doctor. 'Thank you for seeing me so quickly.'

He smiled. 'No problem Ma'am. It is very quiet in the maternity ward. All
the babies are waiting for the moment I go on my holiday.'

Lexie started laughing. The doctor turned on the echo machine and placed
the device on her stomach.

 'Let's see if I have good news for you.'

He moved the device over her stomach a few times.

He frowned. 'You were diabetic right?'  Lexie nodded.

'And you had a miscarriage a few months ago.'

'About five months ago.'

The doctor looked at the screen.

'What I see here are the remains of an ectopic pregnancy. Meaning the egg
was implanted on the wall of the uterus and not in the womb.'

Lexie turned pale. 'So it wasn't a normal miscarriage?'

'No, this is very common with diabetic patients.'

The doctor pointed at the screen.

'See this?'

Lexie nodded.

'This is a healthy baby. I think you are about 3 months
now. Congratulations.'

Lexie nodded absentmindedly. She had too much information to digest. She
looked up at the person standing at the door.

'Did you hear that JC? Justin didn't do it.'


This is it for today. If you like it let me know at
nathanielstories@hotmail.com. You can use the same address if you hate it.
Till next time, Bye.