Date: Tue, 18 Mar 2003 14:13:48 -0800 (PST)
From: Brandon Kies <brandonkies@yahoo.com>
Subject: Right For Me - Chapter 3

Author's Note:

This isn't my first attempt at writing or posting to
Nifty, but it's my first attempt at anything for the
boy-band area.  I have to admit it took me a long time
to actually read any of the stories in this area.  I
made some assumptions about the genre that took a bit
to get over.  Once I did though, I couldn't stop.  I
think some of the best writing on Nifty is in this
area, and so I finally decided to join the ranks of
some of my favorite authors and post.

Any comments, encouragements, or suggestions would be
appreciated.  Please feel free to email me at
brandonkies@yahoo.com I'm more than willing to accept
criticism, but please no flames.

Disclaimer:

This story is pure fiction.  I don't know any of the
guys from `N Sync and my writings should in no way
imply anything about their sexuality.  Please do not
post this story with out first receiving my
permission.

Story Notes:

I guess I should have taken a moment or two more to
edit chapter one.  Dylan was 19 when Chad was born.
This means he's 22 now, not 18.

_______________________

Right for Me -- Chapter 3
_______________________

Following Justin across the hall, his enthusiasm began
to rub off on me.  I had a feeling that both of us
could become overgrown children rather easily, and
felt a moment of regret for Helen.  Trying to put up
with four big ole babies was going to test her sanity.

The room he showed me was completely over the top.
Movie memorabilia had been incorporated in interesting
ways, and the room definitely catered to a child's
every desire.  Toys were scattered on the floor,
overflowing from toy boxes, hanging in long ropes from
ceiling to floor.

The furniture had been designed with transportation
themes in mind, so there were car beds, train
dressers, and wagons as nightstands.  One of the walls
had been treated so that it could be used as a
blackboard, and children drawings where happily
displayed.  The walls had been painted with giant
jigsaw pieces each interlocking in a cornucopia of
crayola crayon like colors.

The closet door had been disguised as the entrance to
a school bus, sliding into a recessed panel.  It was
really quit ingenious.  There were even steps inside
that allowed the boys to reach clothes more easily.

It was apparent that Justin took great pleasure in
spoiling Jesse, and as I watched him bounce around
pointing out items of interest, playing with an
interesting toy, I wondered if Justin might prefer to
keep the room for him-self.

The windows, plugs, and outlets had been child
proofed.  And as I examined the furniture closer I
realized it had been designed to last.  The stuff was
meant to be climbed on and played with.  Justin showed
me where he had stored the boxes marked `Chad', and
the storage he'd made available for it.

I had opened a box with the intention of getting
started on the daunting task of unpacking when Helen
poked her head in, "Boys, I'm just putting lunch on
the table.  Why don't you leave that til you've had a
chance to eat?"

Nodding in agreement, Justin came and slung an arm
over my shoulders as we turned to follow her
downstairs.  "So?  What do you think?" He asked.

"I think someone is in serious danger of being
spoiled," I answered turning my head to smile at him.

"Ha!" Helen exclaimed, "In danger my eye!  That boy is
as spoiled as they come, even if he is a little
sweetheart!"

We were all laughing as we entered the kitchen to
discover a small cyclone had descended.  Helen had
heated up some spaghetti for the boys, and given it to
them before she'd come upstairs to get Justin and I.
But they must have been full from the milk and cookies
she'd served earlier.  The spaghetti was decorating
walls, floors, ceilings, and two little boys doing
their very best to look innocent.  Needless to say
that isn't easy to do with spaghetti in your dripping
from your hair.

"Oh dear," Helen gasped as she took stock of the mess,
"did you do this Jesse?  Chad?"

"Unh uh," Jesse denied looking guiltily at Chad.

Chad looked at the spaghetti clutched in his small
hands then back at Helen, "It just-ded fall-ded," he
assured her, his bottom lip beginning to quiver at the
realization that he was in trouble apparent.

"Jesse Martin Timberlake... Chadwick Carlton..." Justin
and I said at the same time.

Looking at me and winking Justin headed for the boys,
"Jesse, what's the rule about lying in this house?"

"It's bad," Jesse finally stuttered out after enduring
Justin's intense gaze for a moment.

"And what happens if you lie?"

"You get a time-out," he answered, his pout in full
force now.  He continued to glance at Chad
surreptitiously, gauging his reaction to the unfolding
events.

I had moved to the sink during this mini-interrogation
and grabbed a washcloth to clean the boys and the mess
up.  Moving over to the table I began scrubbing
wiggling boys as Justin continued.  "That's right,
after Dylan finishes cleaning you up, you show Chad
where the time-out corner is, and both of you are on
time-out."

Properly chastised, Jesse headed to one of the kitchen
corners.  Pulling Chad's chair back I motioned for him
to follow.  Both boys were crying by now, their bottom
lips quivering pathetically as they stood there in
abject agony; I'm sure they were silently bemoaning
their fate, and thinking about the unfairness of it
all.

We were able to ignore the young martyr's for all of
five minutes before we asked them to rejoin us at the
table.  It had given us enough time to clean up the
mess they'd made, and re-fill plates.

Helen had also placed a platter of BLT's on the table,
and Justin and I were happily munching on those in
companionable silence.  The boys sulked for a few
moments, but quickly forgave us for our harsh
treatment of them and began chattering together again.

I was impressed with how he'd handled the situation.
He'd been able to keep their behavior in perspective,
displayed a sense of humor, and dealt quickly and
fairly with the miscreants.  The kitchen was as well
appointed as the rest of the house, and he would have
been justified at being upset about the mess.

I was beginning to think that this wasn't going to be
the worse mistake I'd ever made.  And I was pleased to
find, I would be able to trust and rely on Justin's
judgment with Chad when I wasn't available.

Once lunch was finished, Helen shooed Justin and I out
of the kitchen promising to keep an eye on the boys
while we began to unpack.  Groaning with contentment
we began our trek back upstairs.

"Admit it, Justin, Helen is really in charge around
here," I said nudging him in the side a bit.

"Hell ya!  Whatever you do, don't piss her off."

"How long has she been working for you?"

"Couple years.  I hired her not long after we finished
construction on the house."

"Oh... You had this house built?"

"Yeah, along with the other buildings on property.
Well except for the barn, that was here."

"When do I get a tour of the other buildings," I
hinted.

"Well... How bout we work on getting you unpacked until
dinner.  After dinner we can relax around the pool
with the boys.  And tomorrow morning I'll give you the
ten cent tour."

"Cool.  I'd like to give Heather a call today too."

"She'll be here tomorrow evening for a cook out."

"You mentioned the `cavalry' arriving tomorrow.  Who's
coming?"

"My mom's gonna stop by at lunch to meet you.  She has
to fly out tomorrow evening so won't be able to make
the bar-b-cue."

"You're introducing me to your mother tomorrow?  Man
you move fast Timberlake," I said teasing him.

"Yeah yea, smart ass," he said laughing at me.

"Josh, Joey, Chris, and Lance are coming over in the
afternoon.  Maybe get a quick basketball game in or
two.  Then the extended family, Heather, Tyler, Kelly,
should be here for dinner."

"You have Helen cooking a bar-b-cue for all of those
people?" I asked in disbelief.

"No man," he said laughing, "I may not know my way
around in the kitchen, but I'm not completely
clueless.  I have a catering firm coming that will
take care of it."

"Justin, I hope you're not spending a fortune just so
people can meet us."

"Na, don't worry about it.  We have these
get-togethers at each other's homes all summer long.
You were just a convenient excuse not to wait for the
weekend."

"That's nice, that you get together like that.  But
don't expect me to be any good at basketball.  I don't
think I've even held a ball."

"Really?" Justin asked as his eyebrows rose
suggestively.  "I thought gay guys had tons of
experience handling balls."

"So was Helen hired to take care of the house or
Jesse?" I asked changing the question quickly as my
faced turned red with embarrassment.

"Oh man," he said laughing, "The guys are gonna love
you.  There will be competitions to see who can get
you to blush the most."

"Ok, smartass, point for you."

"The house," he continued getting back to my question.
"Jesse hasn't been living here very long," he finished
reluctantly.

He had said earlier that he would explain Jesse at a
later time; I decided from his reluctance that he
still wasn't ready.  "Look Justin, I'm not trying to
pry.  If I'm asking questions you're uncomfortable
with, just tell me to fuck off, I won't mind."

Smiling at me, he said, "No, complete honesty from
this point on, remember?  Jesse is complicated, but
you need to know."

"Where do I start?" He sighed.

"Well let me ask you, how much do you know about me?"

"You mean about the music `N Sync thing?  I haven't
had my head in the sand the last few years if that's
what you mean.  I guess I'm as informed as any person
who watches MTV would be.  I don't think that means I
know you, but I'm pretty informed on what the press
has had to say about you."

"So you know about Britney and Wade?"

"I know you dated Britney, and wrote some songs with
Wade."

"Alright that's as good a place to start as anywhere."


"I guess it began a couple of years ago, right around
the time I was working on my first solo album.  I was
pretty excited about Justified coming out, and pretty
scared.  `N Sync was immensely popular.  We'd broken
records, had a string of number one songs, and we got
along with each other amazingly well."

"I decided to do the solo album to test the water.
Kind of putting my toe in without losing the
familiarity or camaraderie of `N Sync.  I was hoping
like hell the album would be successful.  I wanted to
know I could make it on my own.  But I wasn't willing
or ready to quit the band and leave the boys."

"Brit and I were living together at the time, but we
didn't get to spend much time together.  We'd
purchased a house together, but I don't think we spent
more than a couple of weeks together in it.  I was out
of town all the time.  In studios working on the
album, lining up producers and guest singers, doing
the footwork necessary for a fledgling album, it was
exciting."

"And she was on tour, doing a movie, and working on
her own music.  Crossroads hadn't been out long, so
she was doing publicity tours for it.  The movie
hadn't been a box office success, and she was pretty
depressed about it."

"She wasn't used to failure.  She felt stifled,
pigeonholed, and thought the movie proved the
audiences only saw her as the pop princess.  She was
getting tired of her good girl image.  She was ready
to break out and move on, but the public wasn't."

"I thought we were forever, but we weren't."

"I hadn't known Wade long, comparably speaking.  We
didn't have the roots that Brit and I did.  We hadn't
been in Mickey Mouse Club together, and he didn't
start out with `N Sync.  But I considered him one of
my best friends."

"We worked well together.  I think the songs we
co-wrote and co-produced, on Celebrity were some of
the best work I'd ever done."

"He wasn't helping me with Justified; he wanted too,
but it was my solo debut... I wanted it to be my work,
my vision, at least for this first album.  I think he
felt betrayed.  Maybe confused?  I guess it was my
fault; I wasn't able to explain to him why it was so
important I do this on my own.  No `N Sync
connection."

"I'm not sure why I feel responsible for his feelings.
 Or his actions."

"He and Brit got together.  I was suppose to be out of
the city, but had decided to come home early because
Brit had a few days off.  I didn't call ahead and let
anyone know wanting to surprise her.  I honestly
didn't think anything of it, when I saw the car in the
driveway.  I got in the house and couldn't find anyone
that is until I got to our bedroom.  I found in bed
together."

"There was an ugly scene.  Screaming, finger pointing,
accusations.  It broke us up.  I'm still not sure why
they did it.  If it was some weird revenge on his
part, if she was just tired of playing the good girl
role, but it fucked me up for awhile."

"It made for some great songs on the Justified album,
a kick ass video or two, but it was rough.  The media
was relentless.  Fuck, I was even a Barbara Walters
special.  It got to me.  I wasn't dealing with it
lost.  I was heartbroken, and wallowing in their
betrayal."

"I went a little wild I guess."

"I slept with a lot of people.  The press reported on
a few of them; Tara, Alyssa, Janet, but there were a
score of un-names they ignored.  It got worse when I
began touring.  A different person, sometimes
different people, in every city.  I was burying my
feelings with promiscuity.  I was turning into a slut,
and even as it was happening, I berated myself for
allowing them to affect me that way."

"One of the women got pregnant.  I didn't find out for
years."

"Jesse's mother was one of a string in those one night
stands.  Just some random girl I met while touring
with Cristina.  I didn't love her; she didn't mean a
thing to me.  I fully expected to never see or hear
from her again.  The next morning when she got dressed
and left I relegated her to the list of conquests I
was accumulating."

"She discovered her pregnancy soon after, carried
Jesse to term, and delivered him without trying to
contact me.  She planned on raising him alone.  I have
no idea why.  But her decision cost her everything.
Her parents kicked her out, when she'd refused to tell
them who the father was.  Four months pregnant, still
in high school, and they kicked her out."

"I don't even want to imagine what her life was like
for the next eighteen months.  Raising a child alone
is hard enough, but in abject poverty?  They slept in
alleys and under bridges, they turned to shelters for
help, but they were seldom set up to deal with
infants.  She turned to prostitution to survive."

Justin looked at me tears streaming down his face,
"Can you imagine the kind of man that would pay a
woman to have sex with him, while a small child slept
near?  I can't understand why someone wouldn't help
her."

"She got hooked on drugs."

"I think that's when she decided to get in touch with
me."

"Of course, that was almost impossible.  I have a
network of people insulating me from public
interaction and she simply didn't have the resources
or contacts to get through to me."

"She did manage to make it to Orlando."

"She camped outside The Compound - that's a place we
use for rehearsals - she was there for days.  Leaving
only long enough to beg for money when they needed
food, when the hunger got too much to ignore."

"Finally she managed to attract Lance's attention."

"It was pure luck.  We very seldom use the main
entrance, it's just safer and quicker not too, but
Lance was meeting a potential client for Freelance so
was there to greet them.  She got his attention, told
him her story, and begged him to contact me."

"It's not the first time a groupie has said one of us
was the father of her kid.  Needless to say, he was
pretty skeptical.  But thank god he is also incapable
of leaving a woman and her child in those conditions.
She was obviously sick.  Great wracking coughs shook
her body.  He noticed the bruises and needle marks
that littered her arms."

"He took them to a hospital right away.  I think it's
the only thing that saved Jesse's life.  It was too
late for her.  Her name was Karen Bucher, and she died
in that hospital alone and full of despair.  I never
saw her after that one night stand, never knew of the
horror she endured because of my immaturity, and if it
weren't for Lance, would never have known her story."

"I was out of town, and she died before I could get
back."

"We did DNA tests almost immediately to confirm her
story.  It was true.  At least the part where she
maintained I was Jesse's father.  The doctors that
examined her corroborated some of the physical abuse
she'd related.  And the drug abuse was pretty
apparent."

"That was six months ago."

"It's been three years since that brief affair, I've
had five number one songs, put out two solo and
another `N Sync album, received Grammy's VMA's, and
the best and most wonderful thing I've done in the
last three years I almost missed knowing about."

"It was touch and go the first few weeks.  Jesse was
suffering from mal-nutrition and dehydration.  He was
scared, his mother had died, and he was being poked
and prodded by a bevy of strangers."

"Jesse's birth certificate listed me as father, so
taking custody of him was reasonable straight forward,
especially armed with the DNA evidence.  When he was
released from the hospital, I just brought him home."

"He spent days crying, begging and screaming for his
mother.  I didn't know him, but it was proof that love
at first sight does exist.  I don't know if it is
instinct, if we are some how hardwired to love and
protect our children, I simply know that I loved him.
Immediately, completely, and unconditionally."

"It took five weeks before he spoke a word.  Months
before he stopped crying himself to sleep.  He's
healing now.  Finally.  But it's been hard on him."

"I'm not sure how the press missed the story.  Maybe
it was just luck.  Maybe the hospital staff was just
so compassionate they refused to inform or sell the
story to the press."

"Whatever the reason, he managed to heal completely
and we took him home with out the world discovering
who he was or how he'd lived."

"We're pretty isolated out here.  It's one of the
reasons I purchased the land and had the house and
studio built.  I'm not trying to hide Jesse, but I am
trying to protect him.  So this was the perfect place
to bring him."

"The story is going to come out.  I know that.  But I
want him as happy and as adjusted as possible when it
does."

I wasn't sure how to react.  I remembered those wide
wonderful expressive eyes of Jesse, and knowing how
hard his life had been kind of put things in
perspective for me.  I also identified with him on a
fundamental level, and recognized the parallel in his
and Chad's life.  Both little boys had lost parents.

Studying Justin's face, I recognized some of the same
emotions that I'd had noticed in my own over the last
several weeks.  Pain, loneliness, determination.

He was as determined to protect Jesse as I was for
Chad.

It helped me to understand him better.  Unfortunately
it also played havoc with my emotions.  **Fuck,** I
thought, **I can't be falling in love with Justin
Timberlake!**