Date: Sun, 30 Apr 2000 13:13:14 EDT From: Papito6187@aol.com Subject: Rob & Lance 45 Hey there everybody! Nothin much to say, but enjoy! So, On with the show! Last time . . . "You're breaking up with me?!?" "No . . . Yes . . . I mean . . ." "You are, aren't you!?" "Just for a little while! I just need to figure some things out. Like I told Rob earlier, I don't like shutting you out, but I just need to! I have to think and I can't do that clearly if I'm worrying about what I'm going to tell you or how I'm going to explain something. This isn't permanent! I DO love you! And I DO want to be with you, but right now, it's just too hard and confusing!" "Get out!" "Justin, please!" "GET OUT!" He yelled. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" "Justin . . ." "Don't make me get Lonnie!" "Jus . . ." "GO!" "Fine . . . But I still love you!" "LEAVE!" This time . . . As Jay stepped out of the room, Justin fell to his knees and broke down. We all heard Justin yell, and all stuck our heads out into the hallway to find out what was going on. As Jay walked down the hallway, I ran down to him and Josh ran in to see Justin. "What the hell did you just do?!" I asked running after Jay. "HE BROKE UP WITH YOU?!?" JC yelled from the room. "YOU DID WHAT?!?" I yelled at Jay. "Rob . . . please! Not now!" Jay said pleading with his voice and tears running down his cheeks. "No, NOW! Why the hell'd you break up with him!?" "I just need to be alone to think things through and sort things out!" "I HOPE you're not serious! I think you better go back in there and beg!" "I can't do that. I'm going home now." "No you're not!" "DAMN IT ROB! I'm sick of this! You're NOT my father! I MADE A DECISION BECAUSE IT'S FOR THE BEST! I CAN'T CHANGE IT BECAUSE I NEED TO THINK! ALONE! BY MYSELF! NOT EVEN YOU CAN STOP ME OR HELP ME THIS TIME!" He said storming off towards the elevator. "JAY!" "Leave me alone Rob!" "Look at me!" "No!' "LOOK AT ME!" "I SAID NO!" "I SAID LOOK AT ME GOD DAMN IT!" "WHAT?!" "I KNOW I'M NOT YOUR FATHER, I CAN'T REPLACE HIM! But damn it! Can't you see what you're doing?! You're throwing away the best thing that's ever come into your life! I've seen you throw away and trash thousands of relationships before, those were all just some slutty hoes that didn't mean anything! Justin is different! You know it, and I know it! And I know that even though you want to be alone, you're going to regret what you just did!" "I ALREADY DO! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?! THAT'S WHY I CAN'T GO BACK IN THERE! Look! This is something that I need to get through on my own! Cause even though he's my boyfriend now, it may not be forever! My mom is my mom no matter what! And if she throws me away and acts like I don't exist, then I have nothing!" "No, you have nothing if you throw Justin away and act like HE doesn't exist!" "I NEVER SAID THIS WAS FOR GOOD! I TOLD HIM THAT JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE, I NEED TO BE ALONE! WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT?!" "BECAUSE I KNOW YOU!" "Really? You know me SOOO well? You're always there for me? Well, where were you when I was struggling through school, trying to graduate? Where were you when I wanted to just quit and forget about it? Where were you? You were out on tour, too busy to pick up the phone and see how I was doing!" "Look, you knew that things would change when I got this! I'm sorry I wasn't able to be there for you as much as you wanted, but like you said, I'm not your father! Let me ask you this though! When I wasn't there, who were you on the phone with, who was there to help you and motivate you to keep going? JUSTIN! And now, cause you think you need to be alone, you're kicking him to the curb and shutting him out completely! How the hell are you going to get through this all by yourself?! This is the type of thing where you need the people who care about you most!" "You're probably right! But I need to figure that out on my own!" "Fine, you want to be alone, then go! I'm sick of this! Let me know when you realize how stupid your being!" "Rob, you know that deep down, this is the right thing. And I know you understand that I'm just really confused now and that I need to sort things out. That is why I know you're not gonna stay mad or stop me from getting on that elevator. And I know that when it's time, you'll explain to Justin why I did this and that I really DO love him and need him. I know I'm confused, you know I'm confused, and Justin knows I'm confused. And all three of us know that in the end, when I've figured things out, it will go back to the way it was before all of this happened. Now please, just let me go!" <DING> "There's the elevator." I said knowing that what he said was true. "Thank you! I love you brother!" "I know, I love you too! Just go, get out of here before his brothers try and hunt you down." "Thank you!" As he stepped on, as if on cue, that's when the rest of the guys came storming down the hallway attempting to go after him. The doors closed just as soon as they reached where I was standing. "WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING!?" Josh yelled, at the front of the group. "Home." I said facing him. "THE HELL HE IS! Joe! Cut him off on the stairs!" "Don't do it Joe!" "What?!" "Let him go!" "Why!?" "Just let him go! This is between Justin and Jay! They both know the reason he did what he did and they both know it's for the best right now!" "I can't believe you're saying this!" Lance said, anger written on his face as well. "You still want me to go after him?!" Joey asked. "It's too late! He's probably out of the building by now!" Chris said. "No thanks to him!" Joey said pointing at me. "Look, guys, listen to me! I understand you're all mad! I am too! I just finished yelling and screaming, but it didn't solve anything! I tried to get him to go back, but he can't and he won't. Not yet at least. For the first time, we can't try and fix things, we have to let them be and let things take its course. You'll understand that when you're all calmed down. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get my bags and meet my dancers to let them know our schedule. I'll see you guys downstairs in a little while." I said pushing my way through the wall that they had formed. As I passed Justin's room, I saw Melissa sitting there with him on the floor, consoling him. As much as I wanted to go in and explain to him, I knew that now wasn't the time. I had to wait till everything smoothed out a little. That meant that the guys had to calm down, he had to stop crying, and I had stop being angry. I went to my room, got my planner and went to the floor below to go talk to my crew. Within 10 minutes, I was done filling them in on what was in store for us. It was now around 11:30, and we still had an hour to kill before we left for the airport. As I was leaving the room where we were all gathered, I felt a hand on my shoulder stop me. I turned around expecting to see Kim, but instead saw one of my other dancers, Mike. "Hey, you ok man?" He asked. "Huh? Oh, hey Mike! Yeah . . . I'm fine!" I said turning around and meeting his gaze. "You're a bad liar." "Actually, I'm a really good one, just not today!" "You wanna talk about it?" "Not really, but thanks!" "You sure? I mean, it always helps to talk to someone!" "True . . . What time is it?" "A quarter to 12." "Hmm . . . well, we still got some time before we gotta meet downstairs." "How bout this. We take our shit and haul it downstairs, put it on the rack thingy, then go and get some coffee, cause no offense, you look like shit." "Thanks! Sounds like a good idea. I'll meet you down there." I said then thinking about actually going up there. "On second thought, I'll ask Kim to go ask Melissa to get someone to take my stuff down, cause upstairs is not the safest place in the world for me right now, especially when you have one guy crying his eyes out, and four others just about ready to kick my ass!" "Whoa . . . sounds like drama!" "Oh, you have NO idea!" "Well, you can help me lug all my shit downstairs then!" "Sure!" After asking Kim for that favor, we went downstairs to the restaurant and ordered some coffee. "So, what's goin on?" Mike asked. "Well, it's a long story. Basically, my best friend Jay just came out to his mom and she didn't take it too well." "Jay . . . ain't that the one who's goin out with Justin?" "Yeah." "Oh, ok." "Well, he's goin through some shit now, and he's really confused about things, so, he broke up with Justin cause he said he needed to figure things out." "Oh! That sort of thing, huh?" "Yup!" "And now the guys are pissed at you cause you didn't stop him?" "Exactly." "How's Justin taking it?" "I dunno, last I saw him, he was crying in the arms of my other best friend Melissa." "Do you think he'll understand?" "Eventually yeah, once I get a chance to talk to him and explain." "Explain what? You didn't do anything wrong." "Not for me, for Jay! My job as being both their friend is to try and help things by playing mediator." "I see!" "Yeah, I can't do it now, cause things are too hectic. But, once everybody's a little more calm, that's when things will settle down." "Well, that's a lot of drama!" "Yup! Told you!" "I could see how Justin might feel now. Something similar happened to me. But in my case, the guy used that excuse to cover up for cheating on me with my ex-girlfriend." "Whoa . . . I would've kicked his ass!" "I did!" "Good!" "Whoa . . ." "What?" "I just realized something." "What?" "This is the first time we've hung out, just me and you!" "It is, isn't it?" "Yup!" "Yeah, well, I need to do that more often with all of you. I've been too busy wrapped up in my relationships with the guys that I haven't been the best of friend for you guys. The only one who I've actually spent time with on a one on one basis is Kim." "Yeah, but that's understandable cause you two go back!" "Yeah, but still, it's no excuse." "Don't worry about it though, we understand! It's actually helped us become a sort of family." "Yeah, well I need to be initiated into that family myself!" "True . . . you could play a more active role!" "Yeah, right now, I'm like that cousin that you only see at family reunions!" "No, I'd say more like the father that's always working and never has time for his kids!" He said laughing. "Shut up! I have time! I just don't utilize it like I should!" "You dead beat dad!" "I promise, I can change! Just give me a chance!" I said in a dramatic voice. "Ok, but this is the last time!" "Deal!" "Hey, it's almost 12:30!" "Already?!" "Yup!" "Whoa! Then we better get goin!" "Yeah, come on!" As we neared the lobby, we could see the crowd we called family all gathering around. The site of all the management people, dancers, back up singers, security, band members, and a shit load of luggage filled our eyes as we walked. Mike was making small talk, to which I wasn't paying attention to, I was too busy looking around seeing if I saw the guys. There was no sign of them, so I either thought that they were on their way, or already in one of the vans. My attention was brought back to the scene at hand by Melinda yelling out which vans we were assigned to. "Rob, you're in the limo with the guys! Dancers and singers, you're in van 1! Security, van 2! Band, van 3! Management staff, van 4! The luggage is all in van 5! Now everybody get moving!" She yelled over the noise of the crowd. "Damn! For such a small woman, she's got a loud mouth!" Mike said. "Yeah!" I said laughing, "I know plenty of people like that!" "Well, see you on the plane!" "Yeah! Oh, and thanks again man!" "No problem! Anytime!" "Laters!" "Bye!" We went our separate ways, Mike towards the SUV that was provided for them and I went towards the limo. As I approached the limo, I figured the guys plus Melissa, were already inside. I took a deep breath and went to open the door, when it was pushed open from the inside. "Get in! We all have to talk!" Josh said stepping out and letting me sit next to Lance. I did as told and took my seat inside. As I got settled in, all eyes except for Justin's were on me. It was then that I knew it would be a LONG ride to the airport. "Get in! We all have to talk!" Josh said stepping out and letting me sit next to Lance. I did as told and took my seat inside. As I got settled in, all eyes except for Justin's were on me. It was then that I knew it would be a LONG ride to the airport. "Well . . . who wants to start?" I asked. "I think you should!" Chris said. "Yeah, you can start by telling us why you let Jay get away?" Josh commanded. "And why the hell did he go and break up with Justin!?" Lance said raising his voice. "And . . ." Joey began as I cut him off. "Ok, STOP! Right now!" I said with force in my voice. "First of all, I'm just as pissed as you guys are! Second, there's NO need to start yellin at me! I let him go, and that's it! Third, it's not like I didn't try to get him to go back there and fix things! I tried my hardest! But I can't control him! He's his own person and is responsible for his own actions!" I took a deep breath and continued, "Look, there's nothing that me, or you guys can do to undo what he did! He did what he did cause he had to!" "What the fuck do you mean he HAD to?!" Josh yelled. "Jay is going through some major shit right now! His mother doesn't want anything to do with him! She's saying that she doesn't even have a son! Now I've been trying my hardest to try and be there for him and reassure him of everything! I've done all I can for him! The rest is up to him! He needs to figure things out on his own, and THAT'S why he did what he did! I couldn't stop him, and neither could you!" As I finished spitting out those words, it caused an eruption and started an argument between the five of us. Melissa sat back and couldn't believe what was going on and how we were acting. Justin was still looking out the window, seemingly lifeless. As the yelling escalated, that's when he came out of his trance. "ALRIGHT STOP!" He yelled, "JUST STOP IT!" We all shut our mouths and looked at him. "Whatever happened, happened! Let's just move on!" He said, his eyes becoming watery. We all hung our heads down in shame, while we were arguing about the whole thing, we should've been consoling Justin. As the tears started to drip down his cheeks, Melissa got up and pushed Chris over, she sat next to Justin, put her arm around him and pulled him into an embrace. That's when he broke down and started bawling. The rest of the ride was silent. No eye contact was being made between any of us, we just kept to ourselves for the rest of the ride. About half way there, I sighed, leaned back, let my hand drop on the seat and looked out the window. Lance looked down at the seat, leaned back and placed his hand on top of mine. I squeezed it and closed my eyes, tears starting to fall from them. We arrived at the airport around 10 after 1. There was an obvious vibe of tension around us, and no one bothered us. We made all the pre-flight arrangements and went on our way to the boarding gate. We all said our goodbye's to Melissa and after her and Josh kissed goodbye, I pulled her to the side. "So, I'll see you in a few weeks!" I said. "Yeah . . ." She said looking down. "Can you do me a favor?" "Of course I'll keep an eye on him!" "Thanks babe! You're the best!" "I know!" "Love you girl!" "Love you too!" "I'll see yah!" I said pulling her into a hug. "Bye!" She said after we parted. TBC . . . Ok, I'm prepared for the hate mail . . . just be kind? Please? Thanks! Any mail it encouraged and I'd really appreciate it if you sent me some, email me at Papito6187@aol.com. Laters!