Date: Mon, 06 Dec 1999 18:58:46 PST
From: Jason Clarke <jaclarke@hotmail.com>
Subject: Ryan and Lance - Part 13

This story involves members of the bands NSYNC.  I am in no way implying
anything about the sexuality of any of their members.  This is purely a
fictional story.  Enjoy!

Thanks to everyone who have taken the time to write me.  I really, really
enjoy hearing from you guys, so please send any comments and/or suggestions
to jaclarke@hotmail.com (ICQ #7964029)

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Ryan and Lance - Part 13

Ryan stopped and turned around to face the guys once again, his eyes still
filled with contempt and disdain.  "What do you want now?" he asked coldly.

"Please, give us one more chance with Lance?" JC literally begged.

"That's not for me to decide...but after what you've done to him, I
wouldn't expect too much..."  Ryan's cell phone (the one that Lance let him
borrow) rang.  "Hello?  Scottie?  What do you mean?  You tried the door and
its locked?...Did you try calling Lance?  Okay, I'm coming back now...stay
where you are, ok?" Ryan shut off the phone and suddenly terror struck his
face and it lost all of its colour.

"What's the matter??" JC asked worriedly.

"No...don't, Lance...don't!!!"

"What is it?" JC demanded, sounding more urgent.

Without answering him, Ryan dashed out the door, running as fast as he
could to his car.  JC and Justin were in hot pursuit, followed by Joey and
Chris.  Ryan drove off as quickly as he could, breaking all speed limits
and traffic rules along the way.  JC started his car and everyone piled in.
Ryan got back to Lance's house in record time, and JC arrived a minute
later.  Not having the time to argue, Ryan left the door open for JC and
the guys.  Running up the stairs, he could see Scottie sobbing outside
Lance's room.  "Lance??" Ryan shouted.  "Answer me!!"

There was silence.

"If you don't answer me I'm forcing my way in!" By now, JC and the guys
were standing beside Ryan.  "Okay, I'm coming in!!" Ryan rammed his body
against the door and it flew open.  There was no one in the room.  Running
into the bathroom, Ryan stopped in his tracks as he saw Lance's limp body
by the bathtub, a razor blade on the floor, blood all over his body, and
pills spilled everywhere.  "NO!!!!!!!!!" Ryan screamed in anguish.  Justin
let out a cry and JC gasped.  Justin ran to the phone and dialed 911,
screaming into the phone hysterically.

The paramedics soon arrived and took Lance to the hospital, with everyone
else following close behind.  As they sat outside the operating room,
waiting anxiously, JC came to sit beside Ryan, who was again in tears.  "I
shouldn't have listened to him...I should've stayed with him..." Ryan
lamented.  His hands were clutching a note that Lance had left him.  Only
now did Ryan realize that he had not yet read what was written inside.  He
unfolded the sheet of paper and read:

Ryan,

My world as I knew it has ended.  Nothing matters anymore, because all that
had mattered to me are now nothing but painful memories.  Time and time
again, I've felt the pain of rejection in this harsh world...I know I've
been spoiled all my life...to many people, I have everything.  But none of
what I have matters.

I'm a coward, I admit it.  I'm not like you...I don't have the courage to
face reality and to deal with it.  I don't know what else I can do but to
take the easy way out.

I'm sorry, Ryan, for leaving you with this mess.  You've been a great
friend, and I will miss you and Scottie very much.  I've left you
everything that I owned...my house, my car, my bank account.  Just go to my
lawyer (the address is on my desk) and he will arrange everything for you.
You've had a hard life, but I want you and Scottie to live as comfortable a
life as possible from now on.  Keep up with your studies and you'll go far.

Again, I'm so sorry, Ryan.

Your friend always,

Lance

Ryan crumpled the note and buried his face in his hands.  "He said that you
guys wouldn't care if he turned up dead the next morning..." he stammered.
"I didn't think he really meant it...I'm so stupid..."

Ryan sobbed relentlessly as JC looked on, tears also streaming down his
face.  "What have I done?" JC thought to himself.  "I might've killed one
of my best friends, all because I was afraid of how people would look at
me...Lance was right...I'm the worst of them all...worst of them
all...worst of them all..." Those last words kept repeating themselves in
JC's head.  He was so preoccupied with those thoughts that he didn't see
the doctor emerging.

Ryan ran up to the doctor upon seeing him.  "How is he?" he asked, afraid
to hear what the answer might be.

"I don't know what caused this young man to do what he did, but luckily you
brought him here in time.  What he did was serious, and he must have
suffered some severe emotional damage to try anything so horrible."  The
doctor paused for a few seconds before continuing.  "Right now, he is very
emotionally fragile and cannot afford to take any more stress.  As for his
physical health, he is still rather weak but I don't foresee any permanent
damage."

"Thank god!!" Justin replied with relief.

"Can we go in to see him?" Joey asked hopefully.

"Yes, but he said that he only wanted to speak with Ryan," he replied.
Turning to Ryan, "is that you?"

Ryan nodded while the other guys sighed in helplessness.  Entering the
room, Ryan saw Lance lying on the bed staring blankly at the ceiling,
almost the same way that he found Lance earlier in his own bedroom.  "Don't
you ever do that again, Lance?" Ryan said tearfully.  "You haven't lost
everything...you still have me and Scottie."  Tears broke out on Lance's
face again as he looked at Ryan.  "The rest of the guys are outside...do
you want to see them?"

"NO!!!" Lance screamed hysterically.  "I don't want to see them...I don't
want to see them ever again!!!" His arms were flinging and his body
trembling.  Lance's reaction scared Ryan...it was almost as if Lance had
lost control of himself.

Ryan ran over to Lance and hugged him tightly.  "It's okay..." he
whispered, "I'm sorry...it's okay..."

"I don't want to see them...no...I don't want to be mocked and rejected
again...no..." Lance mumbled blankly.  Tears rolled down Lance's face as he
spoke and Ryan's heart broke seeing him in this state.

Outside, the guys heard Lance's outburst clearly.  His reaction shocked
everyone, because even from where they were waiting, they could hear the
despair, fear, and anguish in Lance's voice.  JC collapsed onto the bench,
his face expressionless.  Justin moaned again and cried softly.  "What have
I done??" he whispered.

Joey's eyes were red from crying.  "What did you guys do to Scoop?  That's
not Lance in that hospital room...that's not the Lance that I know.  I want
the old Lance back...you guys killed him!!!" Joey's voice choked as he
broke into tears.  "What did you do???" he kept muttering.

"God, JC, you are a murderer..." he whispered to himself.  "You killed your
best friend...look what you did to him...God, Lance didn't deserve
this...why, JC?  Why couldn't you stand up for your friend...Why???" JC was
tormenting himself with blame but he knew that no amount of tormenting
could make up for the harm that he had bestowed on Lance.

"Justin, you're a fucking bastard," the blond singer thought to himself as
he stared out the window.  "Why???  Why couldn't you act on your feelings?
Why did you have to be scared?  Why couldn't you tell Lance the truth???
Why, Justin, why??  God, Scoop, if only I could do it all over again...if
only..."

It was nearly an hour before Lance finally fell asleep.  Even sleeping,
Ryan could see tears forming in the singer's eyes.  He sighed sadly and
left the room, taking one last glance at his friend before leaving.  Ryan
was surprised to find everyone still waiting outside, but his anger had not
subsided.  "If anything...anything happens to Lance, I'll NEVER forgive any
of you," he threatened.  With that, he walked towards the elevator, totally
ignoring the singers.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

As the days passed, Lance slowly recovered.  His physical recovery was
quick but his emotional scars remained deeply entrenched.  Despite looking
the same as before, Lance was nowhere near his old self.  A smile rarely
broke out on his angelic face and he would talk very little.  Ryan tried
his best to help Lance but he knew there was only so much that he could do.
Even though Lance never admitted it to Ryan, he knew that the singer missed
NSYNC very much.  Several nights, he found Lance holding a photo of the
group, staring at it blankly.  Eventually, he would always here quiet
sobs...the only way that Lance could fall asleep was to cry himself to
sleep.

Lance had passed off all the paperwork for the group back to management.
With all the extra time on his hands, Lance decided to keep himself busy
with his school work, hoping that somehow, work could erase the pain that
he was feeling.  Most of the time he was alone at home, since both Ryan and
Scottie still had school.

On this day, Lance sat in the kitchen reading his finance textbook.  Things
had gotten a little better now.  It had been three weeks since that fateful
day and slowly, Lance was adjusting to life after NSYNC.  Surprisingly, the
media had not gotten hold of the news of NSYNC's breakup and there were no
media leaks.  But Lance knew that it was only a matter of time before he
had to make some sort of public statement.  Although he knew it was
necessary, he was dreading that moment.  The doorbell rang and Lance got up
from his seat to open the door.

"Hello Lance," Joey said nervously.

"I don't want to talk," Lance replied coldly before closing the door in
Joey's face.  He walked back to the kitchen but stopped halfway.  "Stop it,
Lance," he told himself, "Joey's not to blame.  Don't take your anger out
on him."  Sighing, Lance walked back to the door and opened it.  Joey was
walking towards his car.  "Joe..." Lance called out.

Joey turned around to face Lance.  "I'll leave you alone, Lance," Joey
replied sadly.

"I'm sorry, Joe," Lance apologized, "I had no right to do that.  Why don't
you come on in?"

Joey shyly walked into Lance's house.  He felt strange.  He knew Lance so
well yet it felt like he was walking into a stranger's house.

"Have a seat," Lance motioned to the couch.  As Joey sat down, both of them
were kind of uncomfortable.

"Lance, I know that no matter what I say, I cannot change what the guys did
to you.  What they did was unforgivable."

"Don't talk about it, Joey...please..." Lance's voice choked as he spoke.

Joey's heart broke as he saw Lance's reaction.  The wounds were still fresh
and the pain that Lance felt was all too apparent.  "I'm sorry, Lance...I'm
not asking you to forgive us...but please at least let us talk to you,
don't push us away."

"Joe, I appreciate what you are doing...but you weren't there when they
rejected me..." Lance said tearfully, "you didn't see Justin's hatred, or
Chris' anger, or JC's rejection...you weren't there when Justin pushed me
to the floor, when he called me a faggot..."

"Stop, Lance, stop!!  I don't want to hear anymore...I can't believe they
did this to you..." Joey said sadly.  "If only I had been there...they
wouldn't have dared to treat you this way...I'm so sorry, Lance."

"Joey, thanks for your understanding.  But don't blame yourself...what's
happened has happened...there is nothing we can do now..."

"Lance, what do you mean..." Joey knew what was coming but he didn't want
to believe it.

"You and I both know that there is no way I can continue to stay in the
group..."

"No...Lance...you can't leave...we need you..."

"No, you don't...they made it clear that day," Lance replied flatly.  "The
Lance Bass of NSYNC is dead, Joey...he died three weeks ago..."


...to be continued....

Hope you enjoyed this segment.  Let me know what you think!!

As always, I'd love to hear any comments/ideas/questions.  Please e-mail me
at jaclarke@hotmail.com (ICQ #7964029)