Date: Sun, 16 Jul 2000 03:37:50 CDT From: Colleen Hasiuk <reader_colleen@hotmail.com> Subject: Say My Name Chapter 1 SAY MY NAME By Joey and Colleen ********** DISCLAIMER: Hey, all! It's Colleen, author of "Tears In Your Eyes", and Joey, author of "I Need You Tonight", "Starcrossed", and "Sucks To Be You". We decided to write this joint story (Colleen writes one chapter, and then Joey writes one chapter) in order to have a little fun. You can find this story, as well as Colleen's other works at her site http://www.geocities.com/reader_colleen, and you can also find Joey's works at her website (URL coming soon!). You can get in touch with the authors at either reader_colleen@hotmail.com (Colleen), or dchicagurl@hotmail.com (Joey). Legal thingy... This story is NOT REAL. We don't know the sexual orientations of the Backstreet Boys, or anyone else who may be mentioned in later chapters. We merely borrowed these people for a while, and we fully intend to put them back how we found them. *Maybe* As before, the *** symbols mean either a dream, diary entry, song lyrics, or anything else not part of the dialogue or description. Anyways, enough talking, and on to the story! ********** Chapter 1: Midnight (Colleen) Midnight. Kevin lay in bed, waiting for his lover to return from wherever he was. He himself had just returned from clubbing, and found the room they shared empty, with not even the smallest sign that his lover had been there. He sighed. This was becoming a far too common occurance lately. For the last few weeks, Kevin had been noticing changes in his lover's behavior. Nothing too serious, just little things that left him worried. His lover was staying out later and later at night, but that wasn't unusual. He loved clubbing, and had stayed out all night on more than one occasion. However, he hadn't done it since he and Kevin had started dating. His lover knew that Kevin loved to fall asleep in his arms, and so he had curbed his clubbing in order to make Kevin happy. However, the drift back into the old behavior, the pre-relationship behavior, concerned Kevin greatly. He wasn't falling asleep in his lover's arms anymore. He missed that. Kevin was noticing other things, too. The smell of someone else's cologne. The slightly rumpled look that his lover would have when he did finally return to their room. The looks that his lover used to give him were no longer there. The fact that his lover hardly spent any time with him, unless they were with other people. Kevin could count on one hand the number of times that he and his lover had been alone outside of their room. That hurt. Kevin also got the feeling that his lover didn't want to be touched by him anymore, and that was what hurt him the most. The rest he could deal with, and write it off as stress or simply things that had happened at the club, but his lover not wanting to be touched stuck a dagger into his heart. His lover didn't seem to notice Kevin's feelings as much as he used to, which twisted the dagger a little more. Things were quickly spiralling out of control, but Kevin didn't know how to stop it. For the first time, Kevin wasn't in complete control of the situation, and that was what was bothering him the most. He was so used to being in charge, to knowing exactly what was going on, that his lover's strange behavior was driving him mad. He was dying to interrogate his lover, but he didn't. He'd tried once, and had been laughed at for being too possessive. So now he didn't even bother. He didn't like how he was becoming so submissive, but in order to avoid a fight, he'd do almost anything. His lover didn't seem to care one way or another. Kevin reached into his luggage and pulled out a small leather-bound book. Opening it somewhere towards the middle and uncapping a pen, Kevin thoughtfully gazed around the room before beginning to write. *** Another lonely night. What a surprise. This is really getting old, you know. I mean, here I am, a 28-year old man, waiting for my lover to return like a trained lapdog. God, I'm so stupid sometimes. I tried talking to Brian about how I feel, but he doesn't understand. He's got Leighann, so how can he possibly give me advice about my relationship when it's with a man? Hell, I don't even know if he *is* my man anymore. I hardly ever see him, even in our bedroom at night. He comes in from clubbing, has a shower, and falls into bed next to me, usually all without saying a word. We don't even cuddle like we used to. We get up, get dressed, do whatever is schedualed for us that day, come home, go to seperate clubs, come home again and fall asleep, repeating it again the next day. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to my mother- she'd never accept a gay son! My brothers would be the same way, especially with Tim being a minister and all. They still think I'm engaged to Kristin, but really, she and I broke it off when I started dating someone else; the someone else who I know think is cheating on me. I hate to think it, I really do, but the signs are all there... the distance, the strange smells, his overall behavior. But I can't talk to him about it. I tried once and he laughed at me. Me! That stung, but I had to pretend like it didn't. After all, you can't have Kevin worried about his boyfriend, now can you? Stop it, Kev. Sarcasm doesn't suit you. Well, I guess I'll have to continue this waiting game. Waiting for my lover to return, waiting for answers, or whatever. Kevin has to go hide his pain now, so that nobody sees the real Kevin Richardson, the one who's human just like everybody else. The rest of the group seems to forget that I have feelings, too. They seem to assume that I'm a robot they can dump their problems on, never thinking I have problems of my own. I just wish I had someone to dump my problems on! Oh, well. I'm used to it by now. Nothing's changed, nothing ever will. Kevin continues denying that his lover is cheating, and everything goes on as normal. Ha. *** Kevin sighed and closed the journal. After putting it back in his suitcase, he got up from the bed and wandered over to the window. He looked at the lights of the city without really seeing them. His mind was too preoccupied with his worries. He didn't know how long he stood there before he heard a key being turned in the lock. Kevin ignored the person who came in- his lover, he could tell by the reflection in the window- and continued his silent observation. "Hi, Kev," his lover said, going into the bathroom. As he passed, Kevin caught a whiff of cologne that he didn't recognize. And this time it was stronger, as if his lover had just been with the person. Kevin felt his anger start to rise, but quickly clenched it. There had to be a reason for the strong smell. "Hi," Kevin finally managed to respond. "Have fun tonight?" His lover poked his head out of the bathroom, toothpaste running down his chin. "Hell, yeah! That is my favorite club so far!" "Why?" Kevin asked, trying to make it sound like an innocent question. His lover gave him a funny look and disappeared into the bathroom again. Kevin heard the shower turn on and sighed heavily. His lover had avoided the question, like always. If he was in the shower, it meant it was going to be one of *those* nights. He went back over to his bed and lay down, staring at the light fixture on the ceiling. He tried to get his mind off his lover's strange behavior, but every time he tried changing mental subjects, he always ended up right back where he had started. Sighing again, he rolled over to turn off the light. Maybe in the morning things would make more sense. Kevin woke up the next morning, alone. By the looks of things, his lover hadn't even slept in the same bed as him. Kevin shook his head and padded to the bathroom to begin his morning routine. He noticed the counter seemed a little empty, but didn't think much of it until after his shower, when he realized that the shaving gel both he and his lover used was gone. Glancing around, Kevin noticed that a few of his lover's morning-routine things were gone. His razor, the gel, the hair gel, the cologne... Kevin half-ran back into the bedroom and yanked open the closet. OK, his clothes were still there, except a couple of hangers were empty, indicating that someone had been in the closet since last night. Kevin always removed empty hangers from the closet, so it had to have been his lover. The dagger still embedded in Kevin's heart twisted again. If his lover wasn't in their room, where was he?