Date: Mon, 6 Nov 2000 16:48:01 -0800 (PST)
From: Colleen H <reader_colleen@yahoo.com>
Subject: Scarce Heard Chapter 10

***********
DISCLAIMER:  This story is not real.  Comprende?  *NSync (ie-- Chris and
JC) may or may not be gay.  Who cares?  Whatever floats their respective
boats is their business and not mine.  I just like playing with them a
little.  No actual *NSyncers were harmed during the creation of this
story.

Thanks go out to the nsyncslash list, SCOTT (twice now, Scott!), Red,
Jayne, DARA, Jackie, Angel, Demona, and everyone else who's e-mailed me
about this story.  I have a horrible memory for names, so forgive me if
you're not mentioned here.  I appreciate the feedback, I really do!  <grin>

Special thanks to Kenitra ("Millennium Love") for the idea for the story's
format.  The song & lyrics are from the Don Henley song of the same name.
**********

Scarce Heard Amid The Guns Below
Boys Of Summer- JC POV
By Colleen

*****
I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how you made me crazy?
Remember how I made you scream
Now I don't understand what happened to our love
But babe, I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of...

...
Out on the road today, I saw a deadhead sticker on a Cadillac
A little voice inside my head said,
"Don't look back. You can never look back."
I thought I knew what love was - what did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but-

I can see you
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got that top pulled down and that radio on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
*****


	He's really gone.  Justin told me he would leave, but I didn't
believe him.  I still can't believe Chris left me- again.  At least this
time, I can't blame anyone but myself.  I hurt him so bad that he doesn't
even want to see me anymore.  He hurt me, true, but that seems so
insignificant right now.  The four of us-Lance, Joey, Justin, and me-are
standing here, watching his plane leave.  I can't help but start to cry,
thinking about Chris, and about how much I really do love him.  But I can't
tell him.  He left me, leaving so many words unspoken.  Once the plane is
fully out of sight, Lance turns to me and Justin.

	"Why are you here?" he asks.

	"I wanted to see Chris off, but we came too late to say goodbye,"
Justin responds.

	"I don't think he particularly wanted to see either one of you,"
Joey adds.

	"I know, but at least we would have tried," Justin says softly.
All I can do is stare out the window, willing Chris's plane to turn around
and come home.  But it doesn't.  I just stand there for a few minutes,
watching the empty sky before I realize the others are staring at me.

	"What?"

	"Why are YOU here?" Joey asks rudely.  Lance hits him and even
Justin glares slightly.  I fight to stifle a smile.  Justin is so
protective of me sometimes!

	"He's... he WAS part of the group," I say lamely.  "If this is
going to be the end of us, I want to be here."

	"It wouldn't be the end of us if it wasn't for you..." Joey accuses
me before Lance clamps a hand over his mouth to shut him up.  I just look
at the floor, not wanting to fight with him over this.  It was hard enough
watching Chris leave, knowing I caused it and I couldn't do anything about
it.

	"Joey," Lance says warningly.  Ever the peacemaker.  "But really--
why ARE you here, Josh?"

	"I wanted to say goodbye," I say simply.

	"Were you going to forgive him?" Justin asks me, bringing our
conversation earlier today back to my mind.

	"Would he have listened?" I retort, fighting tears.  I never
realized just how much a human can cry.  I know it's not 'manly' to cry in
public, but this one can't be helped.  Damn the public.

	"He might have," Lance says.  "All he wanted was for you to patch
up your friendship."

	"I know."

	"Why..."

	"JOEY." Lance's tone has more steel in it than I ever remember
hearing before.  I wonder what's up with those two.

	"Where did he go?" Justin asks.  Lance and Joey both shrug, but I
can tell by the way they avoid my eyes they know very well where he went.
I'll get it out of them eventually, but I have no clue what I'm going to do
with the information once I've got it.

	"We should leave before someone recognizes us," Joey says suddenly.
I glance down at my watch and am startled to realize that we've been
standing here for half an hour, watching an empty sky.

	"Can you come back to my place?" Justin asks.  "I think we all need
to talk."  Joey and Lance exchange looks, but they nod.

	"We'll meet you there," Lance says.  Justin and I turn and walk
away then, neither of us saying a word.  Once we reach the car, Justin
turns to me.

	"Are you going to try and find him?" he demands.

	"I don't know," I confess.  "It's a lot to take in right now."
Justin throws his hands up in exasperation and gets in the driver's side
without another word.  There is no conversation on the way back to the
house, and even less as we wait for Joey and Lance to arrive.  When they
do, an uncomfortable silence arises.  Joey breaks it.

	"Why are we here?"

	"We need to talk to you," Justin says.

	"About?"

	"What do you THINK?" I demand.  I've been pretty quiet today, but I
can't help myself.  What a stupid question!

	"I was hoping we could avoid that topic for a while," Joey sighs,
and looks at Lance.  Lance just raises an eyebrow in a silent gesture that
only Joey fully understands.

	"We need to talk about the group, for one thing," Lance says,
giving Joey that 'look' again.  "Are we going to replace Chris?"

	"NO!" Joey almost yells.

	"I agree," I say quietly.  "We can't replace him."

	"If Joey and Josh agree on something right now, who am I to argue?"
Justin says with a smile.  We all laugh, some of the tension broken.

	"Well, I agree with all of you.  So what does this mean for us?"
Lance asks.

 	"We hold off everything until we can come up with a feasable excuse
as to why Chris left." I tell them.  "We can't tell management and the fans
the truth."

	"You've got a point, Josh," Joey mutters.  "But that doesn't mean I
like you right now."

	"Joe, right now I don't even like *myself* so don't worry about
it," I say with a sigh.

	"So we hold off?" Justin asks.  The four of us nod in agreement,
and Lance stands up, effectively ending the impromptu meeting.

	"Joey, let's head back to my place," he says.  "I want to check my
messages."  Joey immediately jumps up and they leave with only the barest
of goodbyes.  My eyes follow them, knowing very well that they're going to
check if Chris left any messages for them.  I sigh to myself.  Eventually
we'll find each other again, and when we do, maybe we can work on
rebuilding what we've lost.