Date: Wed, 21 Feb 2001 16:40:08 -0800 (PST)
From: Colleen H <reader_colleen@yahoo.com>
Subject: Scarce Heard Chapter 19

***********
DISCLAIMER:  This story is not real.  Comprende?  *NSync (ie-- Chris and
JC) may or may not be gay.  Who cares?  Whatever floats their respective
boats is their business and not mine.  I don't know them, although I wish I
did.  =(

Thanks go out to my muses:  Dara, Red, Tariana, and Casey.  Without you
guys, I wouldn't be writing so much.  And that goes for everyone who has
e-mailed me, too.  THANK YOU, all of you.  This is the final chapter of
"Scarce Heard."  Hope you have enjoyed my second complete posting to Nifty!
("Tears In Your Eyes" was the first.)

Special thanks to Kenitra ("Millennium Love") for the idea for the story's
format.  The song & lyrics are by SoulDecision (Canucks like me!).
**********

Scarce Heard Amid The Guns Below
19- Faded -Chris POV
By Colleen


	And so we've reached the end of our little journey.  In so many
ways, this was good for me and Josh.  We almost needed this, because, as
we've since learned, we didn't really trust each other.  This test put us
through HELL, but we've come through it stronger.  And more importantly,
we've come through it together.  That's all that counts.

	JC has been so good to me since he brought me back to Orlando.  I'm
staying at his... OUR place.  Even though we're working on building the
trust between us, it hasn't been easy.  We've had our ups and downs
already, but we're getting there.  The first full day back here, JC and I
sat around this house, staring at each other.  We didn't know what to talk
about, and we didn't know what to do.  Things were awkward, but they're
getting better.

	Justin dropped by yesterday and nearly fell off the step when I
answered the door.  First Lance, now Justin... who else am I going to kill
in shock?  <grin> I don't think Justin even really knew Josh had left, so
finding out that not only had JC left Orlando, but he had come back with
me... the look on his face was pretty funny.  He dragged JC into the studio
almost as soon as JC got downstairs, and the two of them talked for at
least an hour.  I sat in the living room, writing.  Josh thinks I play on
the PlayStation when I'm alone, but I actually write.  I write in my
journal, or I write poetry, or, if the mood hits me, song lyrics.  I even
stuck one of my lyric sets in his notebook and listened to him build a song
around it the other day.  He realized the lyrics weren't his own, but he
didn't ask me if I knew where they were from.  He either knew they were
mine, or he thought they were written by a ghost.

	The phone rings... that seems to be such a common occurance
now... It's Danielle.

	"Chris!" she exclaims on hearing my voice.

	"Dani!" I laugh.

	"How are things going with you and JC?" she asks me.

	"We're working on it, Dan.  It will take us a long time to
completely rebuild, but we'll get there someday."

	"I'm just glad you guys are together again."

	"Are we together?" I ask her softly.  "We're living in the same
house right now, but does that mean we're boyfriends again?  I don't think
either one of us could handle it if anything happened.  The past is too
close for comfort."

	"I'd like for us to be together," I hear JC's quiet tones behind
me.  Turning, I see him standing in the doorway, looking nervous.  "I don't
want to push you, though."

	"I'll call you back," I tell Danielle, hanging up and turning to
face JC.  "What?"

	"That's the whole reason I came to Louisberg," JC starts, "I wanted
to find out if there was still a chance for us.  When you agreed to come
back here, I let you have your space.  And I'm still letting you have your
space, even though you know how I feel.  How I've always felt.  I love you,
Chris, and nothing will change that."

	"Oh, Josh," is all I can get out.  I don't want to tell him I love
him, because I don't want to hurt him.  If I really loved him, I wouldn't
have cheated on him.  If I really loved him, I wouldn't have run-- twice.
If I really loved him...

	"I'll be in the studio," JC says, walking away before I can
respond.  However, I notice the sad look that's come into his eyes and I
feel a knife enter my heart.  I don't want to hurt him by telling him I
love him, but am I hurting him more by not telling the truth?  He's already
bared his soul to me...  Standing up, I head for the studio.  JC looks up
in surprise when I enter, but he doesn't say anything.

	"Why'd you tell me you love me?" I ask him.

	"Because I do, and I want you to know where you stand in my life.
I love you, and I wanted you to know that."  I just stare at him for a
minute, deciding.  He's bared his soul to me, again, even after all I did
to him not six months ago.

	"I love you, too," I finally confess, looking at the floor.  "I
never stopped loving you."

	"Then why did you run away from me?" JC asks gently.

	"I thought I would hurt you by staying, so I ran.  And I ended up
hurting ME.  I've missed you so much, Josh."  A tear falls down my cheek
and I feel JC's gentle hands wipe it away.

	"I missed you more," he says, taking my face in his hands and
making me look at him.  There are tears in his blue eyes, so it's my turn
to wipe his tears away.  We've both been through so much together, and yet
it feels like we're starting again.  Maybe this time, we can make it right.
And this time, all our promises *WILL* last forever.

	"I love you, Josh."

	"I love you, Chris."

*****
I'm kinda faded but I feel alright
Thinking about making my move tonight
I can't pretend that you're only my friend
When you're holding my body tight
'Cause I like the way you're making it move
I like the way you're making me wait
At the end of the night when I make up your mind
You'll be coming on home with me
*****