Date: Fri, 06 Oct 2000 17:34:45 CDT From: Colleen Hasiuk <reader_colleen@hotmail.com> Subject: Scarce Heard Chapter 5 ********** DISCLAIMER: This story is not real, aka: "FICTION". I don't know *NSync, nor do I know their sexual preferences. If you're underage or homophobic, GO AWAY. Everyone else is welcome! Thanks to Kenitra of "Millennium Love" for giving the inspiration for the format of this story. And, as always, many thanks go out to the nsyncslash list (Jayne, Red, Wen, Becca, and the rest of you wonderful people!). Feedback to reader_colleen@hotmail.com, please. The chapter title and song lyrics lyrics come from a song by Savage Garden. ********** Scarce Heard Amid The Guns Below Promises- CHRIS POV By Colleen ***** Don't go making all these promises you know you cannot keep There's a time to play a king and a time to be the thief Because if you're making all these promises you know you cannot keep You know time will be the thief and your fallen king will end up alone ***** Promises. So easily made, and broken even more easily. Promises are as fragile as hearts, I found that out the hard way. I broke my promise to be faithful to my boyfriend, and I broke his heart. I've been running from that fact for six months now, and it hasn't helped a bit. I ran again earlier today, too. The plane landed in Mississippi about two hours ago. All I can do now is pray none of Lance's friends see me while I'm here. It was a big enough shock he found me the first time, never mind if someone spots me now. My one bag seems so pathetic to me as I sit here, staring at it. My whole life as Chris Kirkpatrick from *NSync, reduced to one bag. It taunts me, reminding me of why I'm running in the first place. As if I need a reminder. I'm tempted to throw it, but if I did, I would break some of the stuff inside, most importantly a picture of me and Josh. I know it's stupid to 'carry a torch', but I can't help it. I'll die loving Josh, and beating myself up for what I did to him. I don't think I'll ever be strong enough to face him, yet I know I'll have to at some point in my life. I can't keep running like this. This apartment is nice. Yeah, great way to get your mind off Josh. Start thinking about now 'nice' this apartment is. It would be nicer if Josh... STOP IT! I fucked up, and now I have to deal with it. I know it's my own fault, but who can blame a man for his regrets? I saw an episode of Highlander: The Series once where one of the characters was asked something, and he said simply "One of a thousand regrets, MacLeod, one of a thousand regrets." That line haunts me, because it fits me so well. My cell phone rings suddenly, causing me to jump. I left my other one- Chris's cell phone- behind and bought this new one for 'Alan' about four months ago, so my boss- former boss- could call me in whenever he needed me. Only he has the number, so I pick up the phone. "Hello?" "Alan?" It's my former boss and I sigh with relief. "Yes, sir?" "Why did you leave so suddenly?" he asks me and I pause. "Does this have anything to do with the phone call you received earlier?" "Yes," I get out. "And does it have anything to do with the irate young man I've got standing in front of me right now?" "What-" "CHRIS, WHERE IN THE HELL ARE YOU?" It's Lance, and he's very pissed. Hearing his voice for the second time in twelve hours causes me to break down yet again. There's the sound of a fight for the phone on the other end for a moment before the doctor is back. "Alan, what is going on?" "I'm sorry," is all I can say. I'm crying too hard to say anything else. I can hear him talking to Lance in a concerned voice, but I can't make out any words. Finally, Lance is back. "Chris, just tell me where you are. Please..." There's such a sad note in his voice. "Lance, I told you to forget me. Just leave me alone." "I can't." "Why the hell not?" A long pause. "Never mind that. Please, Chris- I want to help you. Just let me in." Just as quickly as he grabbed the phone, he's gone. The doctor is back. "Alan, tell him. I don't think I've ever seen someone so sad!" "Sir, I can't. I did something really cruel to one of my best friends. One of Lance's friends, too. I can't face either one of them right now." "Alan, you realize that he had this call traced?" "SHIT!" "Alan, stay there. Please. You know you can't run from this forever." "I can try," I mutter. "ALAN." "Sorry, sir. Allright- tell Lance I'll be here when he arrives. I promise I won't run away from him again. Just tell him not to expect any miracles." "I'll tell him, Chris." The doctor's use of my real name shocks me, but he's hung up the phone already. All I can do is sit here until Lance arrives. Sit here and think about all the broken promises that I've made. I'm going to keep this one, no matter how painful. I promised Lance I wouldn't run, and I won't. I want to start mending all my broken promises, and this is a place to start.