Date: Thu, 02 Nov 2000 18:54:47 CST
From: Matt Hunter <m_n_hunter@hotmail.com>
Subject: Search and Rescue 21 (Celebrity/Boy-Bands)

This is chapter twenty-one of my continuing story.

The usual blah-blah about the stipulations regarding reading stories like
this still apply (did you really think they'd changed since I've started
this?).

I'm going to make my usual feeble attempt at keeping this brief.  Thanks so
much to all of the readers and fellow authors who've continued to support
me.  Without you all, I'm not sure I'd still be doing this.  To endeavor to
name you all would doubtlessly result in slighting someone unintentionally,
but you all know who you are, and I love you all.

There's one, however, I love a little more than the rest.  DLS has always
been my inspiration, my idol, my editor, my coconspirator, and above all
else, my best friend.  SHMILY, sweetie.

Lastly, a very special dedication to Joshua, who will forever hold a place
in my heart.




The soft brush of morning light tried to wake me, but it wasn't until it
turned into a blinding flash that I finally drug myself out of bed.  I
looked over at my angel, and I had to chuckle to myself.  The sun was
beating down on his face, but he didn't even stir.  He truly could sleep
through anything.  Still naked, I slid out from under the covers and walked
to the sliding glass door that led to the patio.  We'd left it open during
the night to feel the island breeze.

	I had to hand it to Justin; he'd really gone through a lot of trouble to
pick out this place.  He, with Lance's help, had managed to find this
secluded little resort with its own private beach.  Stepping onto the wooden
deck, an involuntary shudder overtook me as the cool wind swept across me.
I simply ignored it and stared at the breathtaking beauty of the dawn.  A
soft caress stroked the hairs on my stomach.  Even had I not recognized the
lingering scent of his cologne against his skin, I knew his touch against my
skin.  The coarse stubble on his face tickled the nape of my neck, and the
hair on his chest rubbing against my back almost made me laugh.  I was not,
however, about to ruin this moment.  His left hand, ring and all, pushed
against my belly, urging me backward into the sculpted muscles of his
abdomen.  His lips applied gentle suction to my shoulder, and I could
already feel the beginnings of a love bite forming.

	"Want to go for a swim?" He purred into my ear.

	"Are you insane?" I laughed.  "Somebody will see us."

	"Nope," he grinned proudly.  "Remember the whole place is rented to us?"

	"And do you remember that most of you guys, you in particular, brought your
families out here for a vacation?" I reminded him.

	"I do," he smiled.

	"You just want your father to kill me and your mother to have a stroke--is
that it?" I giggled as he chewed on my earlobe.

	"Not in the least.  I couldn't replace you.  At least not for a few days,
maybe even a week."

	"Smartass," I grinned, elbowing him in the side and forcing him to cough.

	"Now I'm not gonna tell you my good news," he taunted.

	"Okay," I capitulated, "tell me."

	"Nope," he smirked.

	"Please?" I pouted, my bottom lip extended for full effect.

	"You're gonna have to do better than that," he informed me, one eyebrow
raised.

	I took his bottom lip between my teeth.  Biting softly, I released it.
"Please?"

	He shook his head with a knowing smile.

	I kissed my way down the side of his neck.  "Please?"

	Again, he shook his head.

	Using my tongue, I worked my across his chest and down his stomach.
"Please?"

	He bit his bottom lip, but he still managed to nod in the negative.  I
lowered my head a bit more.  "Okay," he caved.  "You start that, and I'm not
gonna be capable of speech."

	Extending to my full height again, I pulled him against me and gave his ass
a squeeze.  "That's okay," I assured him.  "There's more to you than
stimulating conversation."

	"I'd hope that's not all that's stimulating about me," he grinned, raising
both eyebrows suggestively.

	"Nope," I smirked.  "You can sing, too."

	"Is that all I'm good for?" he asked, feigning hurt.

	"That and cheap sex," I smiled.

	"Okay, then," he smiled.

	"You gonna tell me this news, or do I have to drag it out of you?"

	"If I tell you, will you still drag it out of me later?" he grinned.

	"Absolutely," I promised him with a kiss.

	"Okay then, but I warn you, it's not really news."

	"Will you spit it out?" I sighed.  He started to open his mouth, but I
quickly slapped my hand across it as I added, "If the word swallow comes out
of your mouth, you're a dead man."

	He nodded in concession.  "I was just gonna tell you that Justin thought
things through more than you think."

	"What are you getting at?"

	He kissed me quickly before dragging me onto the sand.  "All the
family-types, with the exception of Heather, Tyler, and Steve, are on the
other side of the resort.  They have their own section of beach."

	Urging him further towards the water, I smiled.  "Remind me to kiss the
little Brill-O head later."

	"I hope that's not what's on your mind later," he teased.

	"Then make me forget," I laughed.

	"Absolutely," he promised.


	They closed out the show with "Bye, Bye, Bye," a new track off of the album
they hadn't even officially picked a name for yet.  The sound was edgier.
It was a far cry from the somewhat bubblegum sound of their last album.
Curly called it dirty pop, which, strangely, fit.  JC asked me if I wanted
to watch from backstage, but I wanted to see them truly perform, as their
fans saw them.  I'd never really had a chance to do that.  Steve picked up a
ticket for me that was about twenty rows back on the floor.  Overall, it was
a good seat, though I had to chuckle at some of the strange looks I was
getting.  If they only knew....

	It was a fantastic performance.  I had to credit them; they gave absolutely
everything they had, and they didn't disappoint.  I couldn't help but smile
at the cheers and screams they received when it was all said and done.  My
boy was panting, but I could tell the adrenaline would sustain him for hours
to come.  At one point, he looked to me and smiled as he brought his hand up
to his heart, where the engagement ring was suspended from his necklace.

	I waited until the place was virtually empty before heading backstage.  I
withdrew the pass from my pocket, and the poor security guy--some
local--started panicking when he saw the level of VIP clearance I had.
Steve had wrangled that for me, too.  Basically, I didn't know of anyone
short of Johnny Wright himself who had it.  He asked me where I wanted to
go, and I told him the dressing rooms.  He offered to escort me, but I just
chuckled and told him I'd manage on my own.

	After a few minutes of wandering, I found them in their play area.  Chris
was in the floor playing with Busta.  I didn't even want to know how much
trouble it had been to get that dog on a plane to Hawaii.  Joey and Lance
were in front of the television, and Justin and JC were playing basketball.
What most girls and many guys wouldn't have given for that sight.  Both of
them had their shirts off, and the sweat plastered their workout shorts
against their thighs.  All in all, it left little to the imagination, but it
was arousing as hell.

	JC finally managed to seize the ball from Justin as he saw me.  Justin
appeared distracted; he seemed to be looking right through me.  JC smiled,
"Hey, sexy."

	The reply choked in my throat when I heard a female voice answer in kind
from behind me, "Hey, yourself."

	One word passed Justin's lips that chilled me to the bone.  His silent
mouthing of the name "Bobbie" was all it took to make my blood run cold.



	I watched them carrying on like old friends--hell, they were old
friends--and I couldn't help but feel pangs of hurt and jealousy.  I was
certain I was probably making an ass of myself with my behavior, but I
either couldn't help it or didn't care--pick one.

	A beer bottle in front of me interrupted my little tête-à-tête with the
green-eyed monster.  I looked up to see Justin giving me a sympathetic
smile.  He set his own beer down on the end table as he took the spot on the
couch next to me, crossing one of his legs under him.

	"You're too young to drink," I chided him.

	"Maybe," he admitted, without his characteristic bemusement.  "You know, in
a weird way, I used to feel the way you do right now."

	Somehow I doubted that, but I was listening.  "Explain."

	"She always did make me feel like I was an outsider, like I was intruding.
Whenever she was around, Josh's world always seemed to revolve around her.
When they got serious, it was as though I'd lost my best friend.  He never
wanted to hang out, or to do anything else with me."

	"What happened?" I asked with genuine interest.

	"They moved in together," he answered, pausing to take a drink.

	"And that solved the problem?" I asked him, completely befuddled.

	"In a thermonuclear kind of way," he tried to laugh.

	"Are you gonna keep making me ask what happened?" I tried to smile.

	He just shook his head with a feeble attempt at a smile.  "I confronted him
about it.  He said I was being ridiculous, and when the rest of the guys
backed me up, he threatened to leave the group."

	I wasn't sure whether he'd paused for dramatic emphasis or not, but I was
eagerly anticipating the rest of his explanation, so I prodded him to
continue.

	"I didn't let up.  He told me that I was miserable, petty, jealous little
shit who couldn't stand for him to have a minute's happiness."

	"Oh my God, Justin.  What did you do?"

	He exhaled sharply, almost as though he were despondent about completing
the tale.  "I enlisted his family's help.  We all tried to tell him how much
he'd changed, and told us all to go to Hell.  He told us he'd asked her to
marry him, and that if we didn't like it, we were all dead to him."

	He stopped for a second when he realized how much his words had shocked me.
  I turned to look at them, and no matter how much I silently wished for JC
to look towards me, to say something, to do anything that would let me I
know I was just being foolish, his eyes never once left her.  Justin gave my
hand a reassuring squeeze to pull my attention back to him.

	"I followed him back to his place, and we argued and screamed and cursed
and argued some more.  We had never in our lives been as cruel to each other
as we were that night.  He punched me so hard that he almost broke my jaw.
He realized what he'd done, and for a minute, I thought I saw my best friend
in him again, but something took hold of him, and he gritted his teeth and
said that it was my own damn fault.  He ran towards the house, but I
followed him.  He tried to shut the door on me, but I'd put my hand in the
doorframe to stop him.  It broke my thumb," he smiled.

	"I thought you did that on-stage."

	"I did," he tried to smile again.  "Two separate occasions.  It just didn't
have a chance to heal between the two."

	"Sorry," I told him, suddenly very aware that I had interrupted his
narrative.

	He nodded.  "It felt like it took my whole hand off.  I was screaming at
him at the top of my lungs, and he just stood there on the verge of tears.
Bobbie was home, and she came running to the door.  After a couple of
minutes of explanations, she went to the bedroom and packed her things.  She
told Josh that she wasn't about to be responsible for ending our friendship
or the group, and she left."

	I rolled my eyes.  "Suddenly, I'm finding it very hard to dislike her as
much as I want to."

	"Tell me about it," he laughed, "especially those first few weeks
afterwards.  Josh couldn't even stand to look at me without blowing his
top."

	"But you worked it all out?"

	"Yeah," he acknowledged, scratching his head, "but it was more of a moving
past it.  We never really talked about it."

	"And now, she's here," I sighed.

	"Yeah," he agreed in a barely audible tone.

	"So where does that leave me?" I asked him.

	"Where does that leave any of us?" he retorted.


	I stood there brushing my teeth while I vanished deeper in thought.
Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I suddenly became very aware of my
insecurities.  I was now the insecure, over intelligent, undeveloped little
kid who tried so desperately to fit in and have people like him.  Nothing
had changed.

	I wasn't the educated, wealthy father of two whose body finally caught up
to his brain.  I wished desperately that it was my heart that had been left
behind.  Never had something I loved so dearly threatened to be taken away
from me so completely.

	Returning to the moment, I spit the wasted toothpaste into the sink and
splashed some water on my face.  Taken the hand towel from the rack, I wiped
my face, trying as much to clear my thoughts as dry my skin.  Flipping off
the light, I left the bathroom to find him lying in my bed, reading a book.
When he saw me, he smiled, and I felt as though all those doubts I felt were
completely inane.  He lifted the covers, and I climbed under the sheets
beside him.  Draping my arm across his stomach, I raised an eyebrow.  "The
Stand?"

	"A conversation I had with Nate a long time ago," he smiled.  "I bought the
book while you were in the hospital, but I'd never had much inclination to
read it.  Thought I'd give it a shot during the vacation."

	"Dare I ask how that came up in a conversation with him?"

	"Long story," he grinned.

	"I'm not going anywhere," I told him matter-of-factly.

	He turned the book face down on his check and pulled my hand to his lips.
"Neither am I," he promised me.  "I know I haven't been the most attentive
boyfriend in the world since Bobbie got here.  I just haven't seen her in a
long time."

	"I know," I assured him.  "I'm just being jealous, but I'll live." He gave
me one of those questioning looks.  "Really, it's okay.  She's your friend,
and I don't want to stand in the way of you catching up with one another
because of silliness."

	"It's not silly if it bothers you," he said sincerely.

	"Sweetie, it's fine," I reiterated.  "Curly just filled me in on a little
more of the history you two had together, and I was thinking the worst."

	"Remind me to kill him," he sighed.

	"Don't you dare say a word to him," I quickly instructed him.  "He's just
being a friend, to you and to me.  He's concerned about you because of how
deeply involved you and she were at one time and about me for the same
reasons."

	"It's nothing," he said again.

	"I know," I said in my most understanding tone.  Leaning over him to turn
out the light, I kissed his cheek and pulled him against me on my way back
down to the mattress.  "Now come here, so I can remind you why you're in bed
with me."

	"If you insist," he purred in my ear.


	Justin and Lance had realized that I needed a diversion after the previous
night, so early the next morning, we got up and prepared for our outing.  JC
slept soundly the night before, while I stared at the stars outside our
patio door, hoping that neither of us were fooling ourselves.

	I eased myself into the shower before the first hint of dawn.  When I heard
the bathroom door open, I was certain JC was going to join me.  When it
became painfully apparent that that wasn't going to happen, I despondently
stepped out of the stall to find him gone.

	I slid on a pair of cargo shorts, a muscle shirt with an unbuttoned shirt
over it, and my hiking boots before joining the rest of the guys in the
lobby.  Justin acknowledged my entrance with a feeble attempt at a smile.
He and Lance were sitting in some of the oversized wicker chairs scattered
throughout the room.  Joey was sitting at the piano, and Chris was sitting
on the floor beside him with his back against the bench.  None of them could
even look at me.

	I turned to follow their gaze and saw JC and Bobbie sitting at the bar
eating breakfast.  He was all smiles as she pressed the fresh fruit onto his
tongue.  He, in turn, would close his lips just a little too soon so that it
trapped her fingers in his mouth.  I honestly thought I was going to lose
what little composure was still left to my dignity, but Justin walked up
beside me and led me outside to the Jeep we had rented.  Heather, Tyler, and
Steve were going to join us later, so the one vehicle would get us where we
were going.

	I climbed into the middle seat and suddenly found myself blubbering.  I
turned away from Justin to try to hide my display, but he pulled me against
him.  I pressed my forehead against his shoulder, and I could feel my tears
matting his shirt against him.  He put his arms around me and just rocked
me.

	"What the hell am I doing, Justin?"

	I could hear him almost chuckle in my ear.  "Letting it out so you can get
through this and be better for it."

	I almost had to laugh.  "I don't even know what it is I'm trying to get
through, Justin.  I even told him that I was okay with all this.  I`m being
absurd."

	"I know," he half-smiled.  "Me, too.  I just know how it looks, and how
that's got to be making you feel.  On the plus side, at least you get to
sleep with him."

	I had to laugh in spite of myself.  "Bastard!" I chuckled.  "I hate you."

	"No, you don't.  You wuv me," he grinned proudly.

	"Yes, God help me, I do," I laughed.  "And yes, I do get to sleep with him,
but as I recall, you have too."

	"Not that way," he smiled.

	"Your loss," I smiled.

	Without missing a beat, he added, "I'll take your word for it."

	"Glad to hear it," I grinned.  "I don't think I could take the added
competition right now.  That's what so damn idiotic about this."

	"What's that?"

	"When we're alone together, it's as though nothing has changed.  You'd
think that would remind me that he's still in love with me."

	"You'd think," he smiled.  "It's gonna be just fine, you know."

	Seeing the others heading out of the hotel, I quickly sat upright and dried
my eyes.  "Thanks," was all I could manage.  Sniffing to keep my nose from
dripping, I started to laugh, "Who the hell invited her, anyway?"

	"I don't know," he laughed.  "I promise it wasn't me."

	"What's so funny?" JC asked as he climbed into the back behind us, Bobbie
in tow.

	"Matt was just telling me a joke," Justin grinned broadly.  "You know?
Your man can be pretty damn funny when he wants to be."

	I could tell by the way Justin said that that he was trying to elicit a
response out of one of them, but as best I could tell, there was none.  JC
just smiled and nodded.  Bobbie said that she wanted to hear the joke.

	"We need to get going," Lance added from behind the wheel, smiling at me in
the rearview mirror.  I think he knew what was going on and decided to save
me from myself.  I just returned the smile.


	We followed the well-worn trails up the side of the volcano on horseback.
Justin and Joey flanked me on either side, with Chris and Lance in front of
us, and JC and Bobbie in the lead.  He didn't once even turn around to see
how I was doing.  I wasn't hiding my discomfort well at all.

	"Want me to put a hit out on him?" Joey smiled helpfully.

	"Not yet," I grinned, "but ask me when this day is over."

	We finished making our way through the tropical forest until the stark
contrast of the sides of the volcano all but eliminated any vegetation.  The
volcano was a truly spectacular sight to behold, but the effect was lost on
me, as all I could stare at was Bobbie's hand, entwined with JC's, which was
conspicuously absent a ring.

	"That does it," Lance gritted.  "I'm gonna say something to him."

	"You talk," Chris told him flatly.  "I'm gonna kick his ass."

	"No," I told the both of them.  "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but
if he doesn't even realize what he's doing to me without you guys clueing
him in, then our relationship's in more trouble than you knocking him out's
gonna solve."

	"You sure you don't want me to play his meddling best friend again?" Justin
asked me with a weak attempt at humor.

	"No, Curly," I forced myself to smile.


	We had all decided to have a beachside picnic, so after returning the
horses to the rental stables, we headed across the island to the spot we had
been told about.  Lance spread out the blankets as Chris and Joey started
passing the food from the jeep.  JC peeled off his shirt and went running
into the water like a giddy little kid.  God, even as furious as I was with
him and that moment and despite how hurt I was, standing there gawking at
him--watching both his playful nature and that body that had lain next to me
for many months now--I just wanted him to look at me and tell me he loved
me.

	"I'm going for a walk," I announced to the guys when I saw that beaming
smile focused on Bobbie, who had positioned herself on the sand near the
water.

	"I'm coming with you," Justin declared.

	"I'd rather be alone, Curly."

	"I'm sorry, you confused that to be a question," he smirked, grabbing my
shoulders and pointing me away from our makeshift camp.


	He and I found a spot on the rocks some time later.  I absentmindedly
pushed at some of the smaller rocks with a stick I had picked up.  He sat
behind me, with his back against mine, occasionally turning behind him to
look to see how I was doing.

	"He barely says a dozen words to me when she shows up," I finally vented.

	He outstretched one of his hands and rested it on my own.  "That's about
twelve more words than the rest of us have get."

	His constant attempts to try to make me feel better somehow only made
things worse.  I vacantly threw the stick over the side of the cliff and
sprawled out in fetal position.  Justin lifted my head into his lap and just
stroked my hair while I tried to cry tears that wouldn't come.


	After some introspective soul-searching, I resolved myself to get up and
have a good time anyway, so that's what Justin and I set out to do.  When we
got back to the camp, JC and Bobbie were propped against one of the rocks
munching on some of the remaining snacks.

	"You want me to fix you something to eat?" Justin asked me.

	"No, thanks, Curly," I smiled.  "I think I'm gonna go for a swim."

	He nodded.  "Let me know if you change your mind."

	"Will do," I nodded in return, stripping down to my swim trunks and heading
into the empty water.  Swimming wasn't something I did easily any more.  I
figured that if I was focusing all my resolve into overcoming that, the rest
of it couldn't bother me.  None of the other guys knew about my history.  I
guessed the last great test to see where I stood with JC now was looking to
see if he'd even noticed that I'd entered the water.  He didn't appear to.

	I inhaled deeply and tried to prepare myself for the water, but the minute
I stepped into it as deep as my neck, I could feel myself starting to
hyperventilate.  I pursed my lips, closed my eyes, and imagined I was
somewhere else...anywhere else.  I started blindly stroking, letting my arms
and legs propel me farther and farther, trying desperately to outrun the
memories that threatened to suffocate me in more ways than one.

	Realizing that my inner demons were swimming equally fast, I stopped and
let myself go limp.  I ducked under the water for a second, and the water
entering my nose jolted me; however, I managed to calm to down and relax
enough for the buoyancy to pull my limbs level with the water.

	I opened my eyes after I slowed my breathing to normal.  I could see them
all on the sands in the distance.  Surprisingly, I could see JC on his feet,
staring out into the water to see if I was okay.  Then, oh, for joy, Bobbie
dove into the water and started paddling my way.

	I just rolled my eyes back in my skull and tried to force my growing
dislike for her aside.

	"Hi," she greeted me warmly.

	"Hey, Bobbie," I returned without any display of emotion.

	"How're you doing?"

	Striking me as an odd question, I dropped my legs back underneath the
water's surface and raised an eyebrow at her.  "Huh?"

	"JC just seemed worried when he saw you out here."

	Laying back again.  "Nice of you to notice.  I wasn't sure he was paying me
any attention."

	"I'm sorry about that, Matt," she apologized, seemingly sincerely.  "I
think that's my fault."

	I closed my eyes and said nothing, and I could hear her chuckle.  "Well,"
she said, "I guess no response is better than an `I'll stop you when I
disagree.'"

	I couldn't help but smile.  "Look, Bobbie, I don't have anything against
you personally, really I don't.  I don't know you well enough to dislike you
as much as my gut tells me to, but I don't like the way Josh acts when he's
around you.  From what Justin tells me, this isn't the first time."

	"Sadly," she acknowledged, "it's not.  I don't know what to tell you other
than JC and I are good friends, and we care for one another.  If it's any
consolation, I'll be heading home after New Year's.  This is the first time
I've seen him since I moved out, and I'm sure it'll be a while before I see
him again."

	Dropping my feet into the water again to face her.  "How horrible would I
seem if I was glad to
hear that?" I asked, feebly blurring the lines between humor and the truth.

	"Not horrible at all," she smiled.  "I know I'm disrupting things.  I just
wanted to spend a little time with him, but you're the one he holds in his
heart now."

	"I wish I could be so sure," I whispered barely audibly.

	"Trust me," she smiled again.  "I'm heading back.  You coming?"

	I snapped out of my daze and smiled.  "You go ahead.  I'll be along in a
minute."


	It wasn't so much anything she said as the fact that I realized that I'd
been so consumed with dealing with her, that the water hadn't bothered me
anymore.  I frolicked in the water a bit more until I heard JC screaming.
Jerking to attention again, I saw Bobbie a few hundred yards from me, still
at least two to three times that far from the shore, bobbing under the water
frantically.  "Shit!" was all I could mutter to myself as I dove under the
waves and made my way towards her.

	Opening my eyes when I was within a reasonable proximity, I saw her
clutching her leg.  I placed one arm underneath hers and pulled her to the
surface with me.  With considerable effort on my part, I got her much closer
to the shore, where JC and Joey took  her from me as I scrambled onto the
sand.

	"Chris!" I shouted.  "Grab that jar of pickles and poor the juice onto the
wound!"

	"Pickles?" he asked, dumbfounded.

	I just rolled my eyes as I ran for the jeep.  "Do it, dammit!  And Justin,
put an ice pack on it!" I reached under the seat for the first aid kit that
had bumped the back of my legs.  Opening it as I ran back, I was relieved to
find what I'd only expected to be there.  Bobbie's breathing was becoming
labored and she was already beginning to look cyanotic.  I knew she was
having an anaphylactic reaction.  Signaling Justin to pull back the
compress, I could see I was right.  It had been a jellyfish sting.

	As quickly as I could, I drew up some epinephrine and the antivenin,
administering both, and I could see her shallow pants slowing to a regular
rhythm.  JC pulled her into a tight hug, which she returned.  I placed the
syringes into the needle bucket provided in the kit and started walking back
to the car.  I was about halfway there when Justin ran up behind me and
grabbed my arm.  I jerked it away.

	"Leave me alone, Curly."

	"Matt, I saw that look on your face.  Stop bottling this up and confront
him," he told me sharply.

	I turned to cut him a harsh look.  "Stay out of this, Justin!  I appreciate
what you've done and what you're trying to do, but I'll deal with this in my
own way."

	Chris had caught up with us during our little confrontation.  I could tell
he wasn't quite sure what was going on and what, if anything, he should do
about it.  Finally, he went for the innocuous.  "That was great, Matt.  What
was the deal with the pickles?"

	Finally registering the fact that he'd spoken to me, "Huh?  Oh, the vinegar
helps neutralize jellyfish poison.  Listen, guys, I'm heading back to the
hotel.  Can you guys just catch a ride with Heather, Tyler, and Steve?  I
just saw them pull up."

	"Yeah, sure," Chris replied, obviously unsure of what to say or do.

	"I'm coming with you," Justin declared.

	I turned a frigid glare to him.  "No, you're not."

	He grabbed my arm, despite my protests and spun me towards the jeep.  "You
want to sulk on your own?  That's fine," he said rather abruptly, "but don't
presume to tell me what I can and can't do.  You're my friend, and I want to
make sure you get back to the hotel safely since you're upset.  If you don't
want to talk, we won't talk."

	"Fine!" I started to curt, but I thought better of it and just nodded,
climbing into the passenger side as he drove us back to the hotel.


	By the time everyone got back to the hotel, I had my poker face in full
effect.  When we all went out to an early dinner together, I was all smiles.
  JC was flanked by Bobbie on one side and me on the other.  Their little
demonstrations would have probably done me in had Justin not been sitting
beside me as well, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze when it needed it.

	After that, the guys went to the arena for a sound check.  The rest of us
stayed backstage.  Bobbie went to where she could see them.  She'd been
extremely appreciative of what I'd done for her that morning, as though I'd
done something extraordinary for her.  I told her all I'd done was my job.
I'd pretty much had my fill of her for one day, so I opted to stay in the
game room with Heather and Tyler.  We played cards while Roy and Karen
watched a movie on television.

	"You okay, Matt?" Heather asked.

	"Yeah, Heather, thanks.  Honestly, just ready for this vacation to be
over," I confessed.

	"Not me," Karen added over her shoulder.  "This place is paradise.  I could
stay here forever."

	"Somehow, honey, I don't think it's the islands Matt wants to leave
behind," Roy told her, pausing to grin at me before returning his attentions
to the films.

	Tyler finished dealing the cards with an audible grunt.  "Can you blame
him?  I don't know what in the hell she was thinking showing up here."

	"She was thinking that she was already in Hawaii for a vacation and that it
would be nice to catch up with an old friend, and watch your language,"
Karen interjected without even turning around.  Tyler mouthed the words
along with her.  "I saw that," she laughed, apparently very in tune with
that maternal ability to see with eyes in the back of her head.

	"You mean shack up with an old boyfriend," Heather gruffly added.

	"Heather!" Karen scolded, turning around once more.

	Heather paid her no heed.  "Is one word that's coming out of my mouth
untrue?" she spat.  "I never like the bi...girl."

	"Gee," Tyler laughed, "that wasn't obvious or anything."

	"As I recall," Roy added, "I don't remember you being president of her fan
club either, son."

	"I wasn't, and I'm still not.  She was okay, but I'm glad big brother has
moved on to greener pastures with Matty-boy, here."

	"Has he?" I said absentmindedly.

	Karen started to say something, but I saw Roy place his hand on her
forearm.  A similar gesture of shaking his head at his children let me know
that he knew there was nothing that was going to set my mind at ease, so
there was no point in discussing the matter.  I folded my cards on the table
and went into one of the dressing rooms.  Finding one of JC's jackets, I
curled it into a ball and fell asleep on the couch.


	I awoke sometime later to the sounds of people moving about in the
hallways.  Instantly, I was aware that someone had spread a blanket on me.
Seeing a large stack of mail for the guys, as well as various floral
arrangements and cards from well-wishers, I thought maybe somebody like
Melinda or one of the production assistants had done it.  Sitting upright, I
remained curled into a ball with the blanket around me.  Looking at the
table in front of the couch, I could see two large stacks of 8x10's of the
guys.  It looked as though the guys were autographing them.  Looking from
one stack to the other, I noticed that one stack had been signed by Justin,
Lance, and JC.  The other was missing JC's signature.  It appeared that the
guys were passing them around so they could just sign them in their free
time.

	It meant a lot more than that to me.  It meant that JC had been the one
who'd been in here.  If my amateur detective skills hadn't been enough thus
far, a special delivery letter addressed to him was sitting underneath one
of the stacks.  I was tempted to be nosy and open it, but he hadn't done
that yet, and I already felt like a big enough jackass.  No sooner than the
thought emerged in my brain did he round the corner, clad only in the
oversized towel wrapped around his waist.  Water droplets still clung
tightly to his skin.

	"Hey, you," he smiled.

	"Hey, yourself," I smiled back.

	He walked over to the me and leaned down for a kiss before stretching out
on the remainder of the couch.  He pulled me against him, my back to his
chest.  Fidgeting for a moment, it was pretty obvious that he was
uncomfortable, so I sat up.  Looking over my shoulder, I saw him grin and
seize the cinch on the towel, releasing it to fall limply to his sides.  He
pulled me against him once more.  "Much better," he laughed.

	"You don't hear me complaining, do you?" I giggled.

	"No," he responded, in a decidedly serious tone.  "And you have every right
to."

	"What are you talking about?"

	"Come on, Matt.  Joey told me what a horse's ass I was being.  In getting
caught up with Bobbie, I didn't realize that I was neglecting you."

	"That makes it sound like you forgot to feed me or something," I smiled.
"You weren't doing anything wrong.  I've just been acting like some jealous
moron."

	"You have not, and I may not have been doing anything wrong, but I wasn't
exactly doing anything right, either.  You and I have been engaged for less
than a week, and we've spent virtually no time together.  I'm sorry."

	"I'll accept yours if you'll accept mine," I offered.

	"Deal," he smiled.

	Laughing, I reached over and lightly bit his nose.  "You don't even know
what my apology is for, do you?"

	"I don't care," he smiled, kissing the end of my nose.  "It just seems like
the fastest way to get to the make-up sex."

	I could only laugh and shake my head.  "You're probably right, but hear me
out."

	"Talk fast," he growled.

	"I'm sorry for not trusting you with Bobbie.  I just felt like I was an
outsider looking in on the life you should have had, and that the longer she
stayed, the more likely you were to realize that you didn't want me in your
life."

	He had a look of utter shock on his face.  Pushing against me, he rolled me
over to where I could face him.  "You're incredible, you know that?"

	"For not trusting you?" I asked, afraid that my words had stung.

	"No, you moron," he smiled in that special way of his, instantly relieving
the guilt I had suddenly felt.  "For thinking that I have a life without
you.  Bobbie is a very dear friend, but she's one of those chapters in my
life that might have been.  You're the current chapter, and if I have any
say in it, you'll be on the last page with me."

	A tear rolled down my cheek, and I had to avert my gaze as I asked, "Are
you sure my name won't become synonymous with regret for you?"

	"Yes, dammit," he shook his head.  "I've had a great life, and despite some
ups and downs, you know what?  I wouldn't change a thing.  I don't consider
a single moment to have been lost or wasted, least of all, the ones since
you have come into my life.  You make me happier than I've ever been in all
my days.  You've given me your heart, your soul, your life, and your
children.  You haven't figured out that I'm the lucky one, have you?  There
is nothing anyone on God's green earth could do to make me stop loving you."

	I couldn't even continue looking at him.  My doubts and fears branded me,
and despite the way I had felt that I had been slighted by his lack of
attentions in these past days, his words wounded me in a way he could never
imagine.  I knew I wasn't worthy of him, and the tears dripping from my nose
betrayed my guilt.

	"Sweetie, please.  Stop crying," he pleaded, suddenly crying as well, and
laughing in spite of himself.  "Even the worst moments with you have been a
pure joy, and it kills me to see you like this.  I never want to see you
cry."

	"Well get used to it," I chuckled, "because you have a knack of saying just
the right things to me to reduce me to a blubbering idiot."

	"If I'm such a smooth-talker, why are we both sitting here crying instead
of making some wild monkey love?"

	His efforts at lightening the mood were an overwhelming success.  I
continued crying, though now out of sheer laughter as I felt his hands slide
to the waist of my shorts.  "I don't know," I confessed, still laughing.

	"Then can we have make-up sex now?" he gleamed, a mischievous glint in his
eyes.

	"You bet that cute ass of yours," I smiled, kissing him as my fingers
stroked his sides down to his thighs, tickling him just enough to make an
audible grunt, but not enough to break the kiss.



	Hawaii was an island paradise, but it was good to be home.  The guys had
some time off, so we said our goodbyes at the airport.  JC and I got back
into Memphis late, and I was so tired that he had to drive home.  When we
got into the house, we didn't even bother to unpack, opting to drop our
luggage in the den as we stumbled back to the bedroom.

	He'd been unusually quiet since before we'd gotten off the plane.  He was
signing some more autographs when I'd fallen asleep, and when I woke up, his
mind seemed elsewhere.  Immediately, my suspicions turned to Bobbie, but
each time I spoke to him, he gave me that look that told me his world
revolved around me.  When my prodding turned up nothing new, I reluctantly
gave him the space he apparently needed.

	Once we were alone in the bedroom, his thoughts seemed to belong to me.  My
every touch prompted some overly affectionate gesture on his part.  He kept
grabbing my hand and kissing the back of it before he finally pushed me down
on the bed.  Finally unhampered by our clothes, we made love again and
again.  When it was over, he wouldn't wipe the strange look off his face.

	"I love you.  Don't you ever doubt that," he whispered into my ear as he
wrapped his body around me, every inch of my body surrounded by his.  He
kissed the back of my neck, and we stayed that way until sleep claimed us
both.


	I could hear the birds outside my bedroom window as the sun rose.  Looking
over my shoulder, I could only smile when I saw that JC had already gotten
up.  As sweet as he'd been lately, I half-expected breakfast in bed or
something.  I didn't really smell anything, so my curiosity became aroused.

	I checked the bathroom, but he wasn't in there.  The den was equally
fruitless.  I began to wonder if he'd gone out to pick up something for
breakfast, considering his culinary talents.  I turned the television onto
the news while I went into the kitchen to fix a cup of coffee.  Thank God
for automatic timers.  As per my usual routine, four sugars and three creams
later, I was prepared to face the world.

	The newspaper was sitting on the dining room table, so JC had been up
sometime in the last few hours.  I grabbed it and took a seat in my favorite
recliner as I watched the gentle rain splash against the sliding-glass door
to the deck.  When I unfolded the paper, a note in JC's handwriting fell on
the carpet.  I began reading it as I picked it up.

	"Dearest Matt," it began, "I don't pretend to know the words to convey what
I'm feeling now.  I'm not sure God Himself could grant me the words I seek,
because anything that passes my lips at this point seems so futile and
without meaning.  These last months with you have been unlike any I have
ever known, and you've taught me so many things about life, love, and
myself.  I've felt things for you I never knew possible to feel for anyone.
That's what makes this so hard.
	At one time, I really could envision myself spending the rest of both of
our days together.  For whatever reason, though, things change.  I know it's
hard for you to hear.  Hell, it's hard for me to say.  In the last few days,
I've had a chance to really examine my life, and what's important in it.
After some heavy soul-searching, I've decided that this engagement, and even
this relationship, isn't in either of our best interests.
	What we've had has been incredible, and I'll treasure it always.
Unfortunately, we both have lives to lead, and I just don't see them to be
as compatible as I did just a few days ago.  I've decided to rededicate
myself to my career.  For too long now, it's taken a backseat to my love
life, and that's not being fair to me.
	It's become abundantly clear to me that we've fallen way too fast.  I'm not
ready to be a husband or a father.  I know you have been, and probably are
again, but I just see you getting hurt because of me.  I don't want that.
Whatever you think of me, please know that's the last thing I would ever
want.  I know this is a shock, and it's painful right now, but one day,
believe it or not, you may thank me.  I hope you will, anyway.
	I do love you, and I want you to be happy.  Please don't hate me.

	Love,
	Josh

P.S.--I left your house key hanging on the door."

	Too stunned to even find the tears that begged so desperately for a
release, I looked at the door.  I saw my St. Jude medal hanging from the
knob.  It had been laced through the hole of the key and something
else...the engagement ring.


TO BE CONTINUED . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


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