Date: Wed, 08 Nov 2000 18:19:54 CST
From: Matt Hunter <m_n_hunter@hotmail.com>
Subject: Search and Rescue 22 (Celebrity/Boy-bands)

This is chapter twenty-two of my continuing story.

Okay, I'm good, but I'm not that good, so nobody have any massive coronaries
because this chapter came out so soon.  It just happened that the story was
still flowing in my head, so I figured I'd get it down on "paper" and to you
as soon as possible.  That's the good news, here's the bad: Because of a key
element in my next chapter, I cannot post until "Brian & Me" is finished.
DLS would kill me if I gave too much away, but suffice it to say, I should
have the new installment written by the time he's ready, and it will be up
soon after.  In other words, I normally say it's his fault, but next time it
really will be :)  SHMILY, sweetie :)

I've loved the feedback (a.k.a. hate mail *grin*) on the last chapter
already.  Rest assured, if you email me, I'm not telling you a damn thing :)
  Find out when everybody else in the world (except one) finds out :)  At
least last time, I was the one getting death threats.  Now they've extended
to poor JC :)  Guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out just how
much of a slime he really is :)

Oh, well, enough of that *grin*.  Thanks to all of you.  You inspire and
improve me, and I couldn't do it without each and every one of you, whether
you're one of my readers, my friends, my "kids" (hey, boys), or any
combination thereof, each and everyone of you keeps it enjoyable for me, and
for that, once again, I thank you.

Oh, and of course, the same rules apply to reading this (refer to chapters,
I don't know, one through twenty-one).

BTW, in case you missed it before, I do have a website.  It's
matthewnhunter.homepage.com and it's pretty much the same as last time for
those who did see it, but I promise, one day I'll do more with it.  Take a
look and tell me what you think (definitely check out DLS' homepage and
Meri's *NSYNC Odds 'N Ends page in my links section).

A special shout-out always goes to my dearest friend, DLS, who's listened to
me bitch and moan about times I shouldn't have expected anyone to stick with
me.  Through it all, he's been one of my greatest strengths.  I love you,
sweetie.

Lastly, my love to Joshua.  I'm here for you, as always.



	I stood there staring at the letter for what seemed like hours, though I
was certain that it had only been a few minutes.  I just sat there,
completely devoid of any kind of rational attempt at the best course of
action to take.  The person I would have talked to about something bothering
me this much in these last months was suddenly the root of the problem.

	I tried to call Kathy, but the line was busy.  It was probably for the best
anyway.  The girls were with her, and I didn't relish them seeing me this
way or having to tell them about JC.  Finally, my head cleared enough to
dial a number.

	"Hello?" the voice answered on the other end.

	"Lea, is Nicky or Andy around?"

	"Hey, Matt, yeah, just a sec," she cheerfully answered as I heard her pass
the phone to someone else.

	"Hey, cuz," Drew's voice greeted.  "How was Hawaii?"

	"I...he...we...," I stammered.

	"Matt, are you okay?" he asked, the concern readily apparent.

	"Yes...no...I don't know."

	"Is it you?  Is it JC?"

	"Yes...sort of...he...I...," I struggled, suddenly finding myself very
unable to convey my thoughts.  I could hear the phone being passed once
again.

	"Matt?" Nick asked.  "What's going on?"

	"He's gone, Nicky," I answered succinctly.

	"We'll be on the next plane down there," was all he said before the dial
tone reappeared.

	I sat there, teetering on the edge of the couch, with the phone in my hand,
staring blankly at the ring suspended from the doorknob.  I hadn't even had
the presence of mind to turn off the phone.  I sat that way for hours.
About four hours later, Nick, Jessica, Drew, and Lea came in the front door.
  I was glad that the boys both had a key, because I wasn't absolutely
certain that I could have made it to the door to open it.

	Jessica took the phone from me as the guys flanked me on either side.  Lea
went into the kitchen to fix us all something to eat.  "What happened?" I
heard Nick repeat himself.  All I could do was hand him the letter.

	Lea came in with a plate full of sandwiches about the time Nick finished
reading the letter.  "That son of a bitch!  I'll kill him!" His abrupt
outburst startled Lea and sent slices of bread and meat hurtling to the
floor.  I couldn't even formulate the words to tell him to calm down.  I
just sat there while Drew took the letter.

	Jessica helped Lea clean up the mess, and both of them went into the
kitchen for round two.  Drew finished reading the letter and looked at me
with a confused look.  "We've known these guys a long time, and that doesn't
sound like the JC I know."

	"Well, nobody held him at gunpoint and made him write that shit, that's for
damn sure," Nick yelled.

	"Nicky, will you call Kathy and ask her to keep the girls a while longer?"
I finally managed, regaining some semblance of coherence.

	"Of course," he smiled at me sympathetically.

	"I'll live, you know," I managed to almost grin at him.

	"Of that, I've never had any doubts," he told me in that reassuring way of
his.  He leaned over and kissed my forehead and pulled me into his shoulder
as he handed to phone to Drew.  I heard Drew talking to Kathy, but the words
weren't really even registering.  I could feel my mental exhaustion setting
in, and with my tear-streaked face buried against Nick's chest, I slowly
fell asleep.  I had a vague recollection of Nick picking me up and carrying
me to the bedroom.


	I woke up sometime in the middle of the night, and Nick was still laying
right beside me--fast asleep but bolt upright, his back against the
headboard.  Looking across the room, I saw Drew sitting in the rocking chair
with his feet propped up on the bed.  Smiling to myself, I'm sure the girls
weren't thrilled with the sleeping arrangements.

	I pulled the comforter up around Nick as best I could without waking him,
and as quietly as I could, I got up and went to the closet.  I pulled out
our great-grandmother's afghan and spread it across Drew.  I kissed both of
their foreheads and walked into the kitchen.  Grabbing a beer, I headed for
the patio, pausing to grab a blanket from the back of the couch.

	I curled up in the swing and stared up into the winter sky.  Eventually, I
forced myself to dial JC's cell number.  I didn't think he would have it on,
but I wanted to hear his voice in his voicemail.  I was speechless when I
heard his voice.  "Hello?"

	I couldn't find the words.  Hell, I couldn't find any words.  Luckily, he
did most of the talking.  "Matt?  Is that you?" I could hear the tears in
his voice.  "I'm sorry." With that apology, he left my world once more.

	Looking up, I saw Jessica standing in the doorway.  Her housecoat wrapped
around her tightly, she shuddered at the chilling winds that screamed
through the night.  Her soft eyes expressed an untold sympathy, and she sat
down on the swing with me.  "I'm sorry, Matt."

	"There seems to be a lot of that going around," I almost spat.  "Sorry,
Jess."

	"No apologies necessary," she smiled.

	"For one of us, anyway," I whispered in a barely audible tone.

	"I know I'm not Nick," she began, "but if there's anything I can do...."

	"Thanks, Jess," I told her genuinely.  "Go on in and get some sleep.  It's
hours before sunup."

	"Will you be okay?"

	I just smiled.  "Aren't I always?"

	She seemed very disconcerted by that answer, and I couldn't say that I
blamed her, but a reassuring look from me convinced her that I'd be fine.
Ultimately, even I knew I would be, but at that exact moment, I was hardly
convinced.  As a result, I just sat there, staring at the stars until the
first light of dawn appeared over the horizon.


	I was barely aware of it when Nick came outside.  He was shirtless, and his
pajama bottoms weren't doing much to neutralize the biting cold.  He rubbed
his upper arms as the hair on his forearm stood on end.  "How long have you
been out here?"

	"I don't know," I answered him.  Seeing his visible discomfort, I chuckled.
  "Get inside before you catch your death of cold."

	"Only if you're coming with me," he grinned.

	"I want to stay out here a while longer," I responded vacantly, looking
away from him.

	"I'm big enough to pick you up and make you," he laughed.

	"Yeah," I smiled, "but my legs still work, and I'll just come out here
again."

	"Okay, then, it'll be on your head when I catch pneumonia," he declared
smugly sitting cross-legged on the cold deck surface.

	"That's dirty," I grinned.

	"But did it work?"

	"Yeah," I sighed.  "Let's go inside."

	I shut the sliding glass door behind me.  "Morning," I heard Lea greet.
She'd apparently been up a while, because I was also greeted by the smells
of a home-cooked breakfast.  Scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns,
pancakes, milk, coffee, and freshly squeezed orange juice were laid out on
the table in a very casual way.  Drew came out of the kitchen with plates
and silverware in hand.  He nearly dropped one when it got snagged on one of
the buttons of his open shirt, but Nick caught it almost absentmindedly.

	"She's a keeper, Andy," I giggled.  "Maybe she can fatten you up a bit."

	He just smiled and walked up behind her, planting a kiss on her neck.
"Yeah, that's why I keep her around." Lea just rolled her eyes with a smile
and continued with what she was doing.

	"Morning, everyone," Jess smiled as she came in.  Nick stepped behind her
and wrapped his arms around here.  I was still amused by that sight,
considering how petite she was.  She seemed to be swallowed by him.  He
planted a kiss on her cheek, and she reached behind her and stroked his
cheek before we all sat down to breakfast.

	Breakfast was, to say the least, awkward.  Nobody really seemed to know
what the say.  More used to me than the girls, both of the guys were at
least making an attempt at small talk.  I just sat there idly dragging my
fork through the eggs.  Realizing that my mind was elsewhere, even Nick and
Drew yielded any attempts at maintaining a conversation.

	I had finally just pushed my plate away, and Lea and Jess were clearing the
tables.  I looked up to see the guys just staring at me, trying to figure
out something to say or do for me.  I just smiled weakly at them and turned
away from their gazes, instead looking out the door into the backyard.  My
vacant stare held my attentions so completely that I barely heard a knock at
the door.  I turned around just in time to see Jeff entering, with an infant
using her entire grip to hold onto his first and second fingers as she
struggled to overcome the seemingly impossible heights of the doorstep.

	Even in my current frame of mind, I had to smile.  Walking over to them, I
picked up Alyssa in my arms.  I leaned over and gave Jeff a kiss on the
cheek.  "Thanks for coming," I smiled at him.

	Instead of protesting, he simply nodded.  Looking at the dark-haired beauty
in my arms.  "So this is the little lady who saved my life?" I grinned.

	Jeff proudly reached over and brushed down her hair with his fingers.  "She
saves mine on a daily basis," he countered, almost completely unaware that
he'd even said it aloud.

	Freeing one of my arms, I wrapped it around him.  "You guys are incredible,
you know.  All of you." Pausing for a moment, I completed my thoughts.  "I'm
glad you all came."

	Nick smiled and placed an arm on my shoulder.  He extended a finger in
Alyssa's general direction, and it was readily apparent that she knew him
well.  She cooed and grinned broadly as she latched onto him.  Smiling, I
realized I took second billing in this scenario, so I passed her to my
cousin, who accepted her gladly.  Looking over my shoulder, I could see Drew
playing peek-a-boo with her.  I hadn't seen him do that since the girls were
younger.

	"You want some breakfast, Jeff?  Lea fixed plenty this morning," Jess
offered.

	"No thanks," he answered.  "We ate on the plane." Watching his daughter and
the other guys, he amended, "Okay, actually, I ate.  She conned the flight
attendant into giving her cookies."

	"One year old, and she's already wrapping people around her fingers.  I
smell trouble, Dad," Lea chuckled at him.

	"Don't I know it," he laughed.  "She'll do something she knows she's not
supposed to, and all she has to do is look up at me with those big eyes and
that pouty bottom lip, and I melt.  The worst part is that she knows it,
too."

	"Not good, somebody with looks who knows how to use them," I grinned.
"Thank God you're so clueless."

	He rolled his eyes at me.  "I love you, too."

	"I know," I smiled.

	"Good," he said, suddenly very serious.  He took my hand and led me into
the study.  Dropping us both onto the leather couch.  "Now what happened?
Nick didn't go into many details."

	Inhaling deeply, I exhaled in slow, steady breaths.  "He's gone, Jeff."

	"JC's gone?" he asked, wanting clarification.

	I could only nod.  Motioning for him to wait there for a moment, I stepped
back into the den to retrieve the letter.  I passed it to him, returning to
my seat on the couch, propping my hands into a pensive pose as I waited for
his assessment of the situation.

	"That's it?" he finally asked.

	"Yeah."

	"No explanations?  No nothing?"

	I shook my head.  "His explanation is in there.  I'm interfering in his
life, so he's gonna go on without me."

	"Matt, I don't buy this.  I saw him when you were sick."

	"I know, Jeff, but he said it himself--even he thought he was in love with
me, but he realized that he doesn't love me enough to stay." Jeff just shook
his head and hugged me.  I just laughed for some inane reason.  "I'll be
fine, Jeff."

	"I know," he smiled.  "I just wish that for once you didn't have to be just
fine."

	The veracity of his words struck a chord deep within me.  Fortunately, I
didn't have to ponder it long, when I heard my cell phone ringing in the
den.  Excusing myself, I was relieved to have an excuse to not respond to
his statement.  Grabbing the phone, I flipped it open.

	"Hello?"

	"Hey, Matt!" I heard Curly greet.  "What's up?"

	"What's up?" I repeated incredulously.

	"What'd I miss?" he asked, very conscious of the distress in my tone.

	"Ask your friend," I retorted venomously.

	"Um, okay," he responded warily.  "Is he around?"

	Holding my hands up in defiance, I shut my eyes and sighed, tossing the
phone onto the couch.  Drew picked it up and began talking.  "Justin?  Hey,
it's Drew.  Listen, I think more has happened here than you know about." His
voice trailed off as he went into the study to talk.

	With an exasperated growl, I threw myself onto the couch, resting my chin
against my fist.  Nick just looked on helplessly as he bounced Alyssa on his
knees.  Jess walked behind him and rested her hands on his shoulders.  Out
of the corner of my eye, I saw Lea disappear in the study.

	After a few minutes, Jeff came out.  He lifted his now sleeping daughter
into his arms and cradled her against his chest before sitting beside me.
"What are you doing here, Jeff?" I asked him.  "I appreciate the gesture,
but you dragged your daughter onto the red-eye to come here on a moment's
notice.  You can't come to my rescue all the time anymore.  You have a
family to think about now."

	"I thought I . . . ," he smiled as he brushed Alyssa's chin with the tip of
his forefinger.  "I thought we made it clear to you several months ago.  You
are family.  Besides, I wanted you to meet her.  Mom," he smiled, "had to
work, or she would have come too.  We just took some time off at Christmas
to see her family, so it'll be a bit before she's got the vacation time
built up.  She's only been back at work about six months after all."

	"Speaking of which," Nick cut in, "I couldn't get hold of Justin.  He went
on a ski trip with his family, and all I'm getting is his voicemail.  He
probably left the phone in the room.  I'm sure we'll here from him tonight."

	"Nick, that's sweet, but not necessary," I told him.  Before I even had a
chance to choke back the words, I added, "It's not like it's the first
time." I regretted it instantly, because the look that now seemed chiseled
on Nick's face was beyond description.  Knowing him as well as I do, he
wanted more than anything to take away my pain, and that reminder betrayed
to him exactly what I was feeling.

	He started to get up, but I just shook my head.  Tears began to well in
both of our eyes.  He took Jessica's hand in his own and kissed the back of
it.  She walked around the chair and sat in his lap, pressing her forehead
against his.  Nick was always my rock, and I hated to see him this upset,
particularly over me.  I almost jumped to my feet, but before I could take a
single step, Drew blocked my path, the phone resting in his outstretched
hand.

	"Talk to him."

	"No," I replied succinctly.

	"Matt," Drew scolded, "whatever it is that JC has or hasn't done, Justin's
not to blame.  He's concerned about you, so please talk to him."

	"No," I repeated.

	"Please," he reiterated.  "For me?"

	I just rolled my eyes at the mischievous look in his eyes that said he not
only had me, but he knew it as well.  "I hate you," I laughed.

	"One of my many endearing qualities," he grinned.

	Shaking my head, I took the phone and stepped out onto the deck, not
bothering to close the door behind me because I knew that one or more people
would soon follow.  "Hey, Curly."

	"Matt," he began, his voice wavering in distress, "I don't even know where
to begin.  I'm so sorry.  I didn't know."

	"Thanks," I mustered.

	"I'm going to find out what caused him to lose his mind, and if the
answer's not damn good, I'm going to kill him."

	I almost smiled at his efforts to add levity, but I just told him, "No,
Justin.  He's made his decision, and as much as it kills me, we all have to
live with it."

	"Do you want me to come down there?  I can come stay with my grandparents,"
he offered.

	"No, Curly, but thanks.  Just check on him for me.  Make sure he's okay."

	"Why do you care?" he asked me in utter confusion.

	"Because I love him," I answered.  "God help me, but I still do.  Whatever
else, I want him to be happy.  He'll always be a part of me, and as livid as
I am at him right now, I'd be lying to myself if I tried to convince anyone
otherwise."

	"Matt, you're incredible.  You know that?"

	I smiled and shook my head.  "I'm only as good as the company I keep.  All
of you guys have done a wonder keeping me as sane as I am.  I appreciate it,
Curly, but you enjoy your vacation and check on Josh for me."

	"If you're sure . . . ," he reluctantly agreed.

	"I am.  Thanks again." I wiped an errant tear from my cheek as used my
other hand to close the phone.  Turning around, I was hardly surprised to
see Nick, Drew, and Jeff standing in the doorway, watching on in concern.
When they realized I saw them, they each made feeble attempts at acting like
they weren't eavesdropping, bringing a smile to my face.

	Nick, however, made no effort as such a ploy.  He barred my way back into
the house.  "Why do you care?" he asked, his anger well evident on his face.
  "The bastard abandoned you, and if hadn't told me not to, I'd be tracking
his ass down right now and using his testicles as golf balls."

	I just leaned my head forward into his chest and laughed, throwing him off
guard and forcing him to laugh as well.  "Your handicap sucks," I chuckled.
"I doubt you could hit them with a five-iron."

	He mussed my hair.  "I thought I was supposed to be cheering you up."

	"Take a look," I smiled at him.  "You're doing a damn fine job."

	He rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration, stepping aside and motioning
for me to come in.


	We spent most of the afternoon taking down the Christmas tree.  In all the
commotion, I'd really forgotten that it was still up.  Of course, that had a
lot to do with the fact that it hadn't been up long at all.  I laughed when
I saw Alyssa crawling around in one of the big boxes I stored decorations
in.  She had a bow stuck on her butt and one of the girl's stockings over
her head.  The light-hearted tone was much needed, and the entire room broke
up with that one.  Jeff was barely able to stop laughing long enough to snap
a picture.

	Things slowly returned to a semblance of normalcy after that.  Jeff and
Drew were in the study kicking around something on the piano, Jess and Lea
were sitting in the floor playing cards--canasta, from my estimates, and
Nick was on the couch watching television, with Alyssa laying against him.
I would occasionally catch Jessica stealing glances of Nick and Alyssa
together, and I could tell she was thinking the same thing I had known about
him for years, that he would be an excellent father.

	Smiling at her, I reached behind Nick and grabbed the blanket off the back
of the couch.  I spread it over he and Alyssa's sleeping forms before going
in to check on Drew and Jeff.  When I walked in, they barely acknowledged my
entrance, both of them lost in thought.  I'd seen that look a few times
before.  They were lost in the creative process, and it sounded like the
song was coming together nicely.

	"I wrote a letter yesterday," Drew began, "just trying to explain.
Couldn't find the words to say, because you are so far away, so far away.  I
wrote a letter yesterday.  It's so hard for me to face that it had to end
this way, but my love will never change, will never change."

	I could hear the last few days' events echo in their words, no doubt where
they drew some of the material, but I remembered them working on this song
before.  They and two other writers had gotten stuck on it, and it wound up
being scrapped before their last album came out.  It sounded as though they
had gotten past their writer's block.

	Then Jeff continued, "When I search my soul to find the truth about the
love we shared, I wonder why you're no longer here."

	I felt Nick's hands on my shoulders behind me.  I had obviously not been as
careful not to wake him up as I had hoped.  He joined in with the others on
the chorus, "You can just walk away, but I don't feel the same.  My heart
still beats for you, breaks for you, sinks for you, and those feelings will
never fade.  I can't hide my pain.  I can never hide the way I feel for
you."

	Drew and Jeff faded into the harmonies as Nick continued, "I've been
talking in my sleep about the way it used to be.  Girl, I pray that you hear
me, and then I'll see you in my dreams, oh, in my dreams."

	Jeff chimed in as Nick's voice faded into obscurity, "Well, I can't forget
the words you said to pull away from my life, and no matter what I'll carry
you inside." Looking up, he gave me a weak smile, "I'm sorry, Matt.  Drew
and I were just playing around with the piano, and we finally found a bridge
to get through the lull."

	"We heard," Nick told him in a fairly unyielding voice.  Jeff's head fell a
bit as he apologized again.

	"Guys," I almost laughed, "don't walk on eggshells around me.  It's a good
song, and well, if something good comes out of this mess, all the better."

	"Thanks," Drew said rather sheepishly.  "Of course, it would sound better
if Justin were here to harmonize with us."

	From behind me, I heard a voice answer, "Does it have to be someone in
particular, or can anyone named Justin apply?" Spinning on my heels, I saw
Curly standing there, a hastily packed suitcase resting on the floor beside
him.

	I just shook my head, fairly unsurprised by his sudden appearance.  I just
walked over to his arms and hugged him.  "What in the hell are you doing
here?  I told you not to come."

	"Since when have I ever listened?" he laughed.  Becoming a bit more morose,
he added, "Besides, I tried to do what you asked, and he wouldn't talk to
me."

	"Hey, Curly," Nick and Drew said in near-unison.

	"Hey, guys." Turning on one heel to shield our conversation from them,
Justin continued, "I don't know what's going on, Matt.  He told me he didn't
want to discuss it with me and hung up.  After telling Heather what was
going on, she said that he was locked up in his old bedroom with the radio
on so loud that he couldn't hear anyone talking to him.  Tyler had similar
results."

	"He's probably just feeling guilty," Nick added over my shoulder.  Justin
weakly smiled and nodded.

	"I'm sure Bobbie can help him get past that," I hurled, instantly
regretting my pettiness.

	"You're kidding, right?" Justin asked me.

	"What do you mean?"

	"She went back to California after we left Hawaii.  I had Britney call her
so it wouldn't look like I was prying--which I was.  Bobbie hasn't talked to
him since before we left."

	"This makes no sense," Drew added.

	"I'm sure he'll be fine.  He's got you guys," I told Justin.  "If he wants
to rededicate himself to his career, you all the only ones he needs for
that."

	"I'm not buying that, Matt," Justin told me.  "He's shutting himself off.
Unfortunately, the general consensus suggests that's probably a good thing.
Lance said he isn't going to speak to him, and Joey and Chris want to kick
his ass."

	"See?" Nick raised an eyebrow.  "I'm not the only one."

	"Hardly," Justin commented nonchalantly.  "I'll find out what's going on,
but I can't do that until he'll let me.  I figured I might be a little more
useful here."

	Forcing myself to smile, "Thanks, Curly.  I'm glad you're here.  Come on in
and sit down."

	Drew grabbed his suitcase.  "Where should I put this?" I realized his
curiosity.  Nick and Jess were in one room, he and Lea in another, and Jeff
and Alyssa would share another.  I told him to set it in my room and we'd
figure it out later.

	Walking into the living room, I saw Alyssa spellbound by some Disney
cartoon playing on the DVD player.  My questioning look gave me away,
because Jeff just smiled and pointed to a carry-on with everything in the
world an eleven-month-old could possibly need, including movies stuffed in
all the side compartments.  Returning his grin, I dropped down on the carpet
behind Alyssa and  stroked her hair with my fingers.  It had been so long
since the girls were that young, it seemed like another life ago.


	Everyone else sat as well, and we talked well into the night about
everything from JC and I to songwriting to Jessica's mom's cooking.  "We're
gonna have to go tomorrow," Jeff told me with regret.  "We have an
appearance to make day after tomorrow."

	"Unless you want us to stay," Nick quickly added.

	"No, I'm fine," I told him.  "I will be fine.  I appreciate the offer, but
you all have babysat me enough.  I'm gonna go get the girls from Kathy in
the morning before you go so they can see you, then I'm gonna call the State
Board of Nursing and see about getting my license reactivated.  He's moving
on with his life.  It's time I did the same."

	"Okay," Drew said, more to break the awkward silence than anything else.
"It's late, and I'm gonna get some sleep.  We'll see you all in the
morning."

	"Goodnight, everyone," Lea amended as she took his hand and followed him
down the hall.

	Jessica wrapped both of her hands around Nick's biceps.  "Matt, are you
sure you're okay?" she asked.  "I don't mind staying up a little later if
you need to talk."

	"No, go ahead," I smiled.

	"Sure?" Nick questioned, for one more affirmation.

	"Sure," I told him.  "Now go to bed."

	He nodded and rested his hand on my shoulder as the two of them passed my
chair.  Jessica leaned over and hugged me, pausing to kiss my cheek before
they took their leave.

	"Sleep sounds like a good idea to me, too," Jeff smiled.  He stood and
reached for Alyssa.

	"Jeff?  Would you mind if she stayed out here with me a while longer?
She's sound asleep and I don't want to disturb her.  Besides, it's nice
having my little guardian angel here."

	"No problem," he smiled.  "Somehow, I'm guessing Kathy's baby is going to
be spoiled."

	"Rotten," I grinned.

	Jeff patted my shoulder as he disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Justin,
Alyssa, and I.  Justin just sat there, one knee cocked against his chest,
staring at me.

	"See something you like?" I laughed.

	He just giggled.  "Just trying to see how much of all this is a front."

	"Most of it," I confessed.  "I will be fine, but at the moment, I'm pretty
devastated."

	"With good reason, I'd say." He crawled onto the carpet beside me and
propped his head on one of his hands.  "If he wasn't my best friend, I'd
kill him myself, but Matt, I'm convinced that there's something else going
on."

	"Like what, Curly?  He made himself fairly clear.  He just doesn't feel the
same for me anymore."

	"Bullshit," he growled.  "I saw him."

	"So did I, Justin.  Do you remember a little place called Hawaii?"

	"That has nothing to do with it," he smirked.

	"Can you really be so sure?"

	"Yes, something happened from the time we left until the time he left."

	"Yeah," I growled back at him.  "Pardon my crudeness, but we made love a
few times.  That's it, and unless I've been doing it wrong up until now, I
really don't see why that would drive him off."

	"You know what I mean," he said weakly.

	"I know what you're trying to say, but let's face it, this isn't some
murder mystery.  There's no great question why he left.  He made that
abundantly clear."

	He started to say something else, but I just shook my head in protest.
"I'll see you in the morning.  You take my bed.  I'm gonna stay out here
with her a while longer."

	He fought every instinct to object, but he finally gave in and disappeared
to the bedroom.  I picked Alyssa up in my arms and she and I both fell
asleep in the rocking chair.


	The next morning, I was awakened by the Alyssa's screams.  It took only a
split second to register that they were the ecstatic screams of a child who
hadn't mastered enough language to convey her feelings any other way.  A
secondary assessment revealed that she wasn't lying against me anymore.
Hardly a surprise, considering it was light outside, and most children don't
follow a nice normal sleep schedule.

	Looking towards the television, I saw the Caitlin and Colleen playing with
Alyssa in the floor, the elders' ages suddenly not quite so discernible.  I
laughed at their antics, and that was enough to draw all of their
attentions.  The twins almost pounced on me.

	"Dad, we're so sorry," Colleen offered.

	"Can't you just talk to him," Caitlin suggested.  "Maybe you guys get past
whatever's going on."

	Kissing Colleen's hugging arm and reaching back to stroke Caitlin's hair
with my other hand, I tried to smile.  "Sweetie, I don't know what's going
on, so I don't know how to fix it.  JC and I just don't see eye to eye
anymore."

	"Why don't you girls take Alyssa out to see her Dad?  Jeff's in the
backyard with your cousins," I heard Kathy suggest as she looked coolly over
the edge of her coffee cup.

	"Hey, Kathy," I smiled, rolling forward onto the floor to straighten out.

	"You know I want to kill him, right?" she asked with a feigned disinterest.

	"Yeah," I confessed, "I do.  Join the club."

	"Has the thought ever occurred to you that maybe he needs some sense
knocked into him?" she asked, distracted by the emergence of Alyssa, who
intently stared at Kathy's unfamiliar face.

	"That's not the answer," I said simply, folding my arms behind my head.

	"Then what is the answer?"

	"Hell if I know," I chuckled.  "I wish somebody would give it to me so
everyone would quit asking me for it."

	She stepped across me and extended a hand towards me.  Taking it, I was
pulled to a sitting position, and Kathy sat against the couch beside me.
"What can I do?"

	"Just what you're doing," I told her.

	"That doesn't feel like much."

	"It's more than you know." I quickly added, "It's more than any of you
know." She just smiled weakly and drooped her forehead against my shoulder.

	The phone rang, so I jumped up to get it.  Kathy's size prevented a similar
rapid response of her own, so she went into pout mode.  Rolling my eyes, I
crossed my arms before her so I could help her stand.  Once she was on her
feet, I grinned and pushed her onto the couch, earning myself several
explicatives that just sound amusing coming out of the mouth of a pregnant
woman.

	I ignored her antics and grabbed the phone in the kitchen.  It was Justin
(Jeffre), calling to apologize for not getting the message sooner.  We went
through several rounds of "Really, I'm fine," before I had him halfway
convinced.  I could hear him sulking that he hadn't gotten to come, but with
the other guys flying out tonight, it was hardly practical.

	I sat there trying to get him off the phone so that I wouldn't have to keep
rehashing this, but his genuine concern made it hard to cut him short.
Luckily, Drew came in to grab a beer, and when he did, I shoved the phone in
his hand and stole the beer for myself.  I walked past Kathy to the patio
door, watching everyone's antics in the backyard.

	I saw Jeff lean down and whisper something into Alyssa's ear, and he sent
her off with a pat on the behind towards me.  She took off running in that
awkward way that kids do, and I laughed when she tried to surmount the steps
of the deck, falling on her heavily diaper-padded butt.  It was remarkable
she moved as well as she did.  Most other kids her age still had to brace
themselves against something to stand.

	Alyssa motioned me down and grabbed my nose.  "Foo-ball...Daddy...now!" she
demanded.  I just giggled and lifted her into my arms.  Looking out at Jeff,
I laughed some more.  "What in the world are you babbling about?" I yelled
at him.

	He grinned broadly and jogged casually towards us.  "She said it rather
plainly.  Come play `foo-ball' with Daddy now."

	"You're insane," I chided.

	"Scared?" he taunted.

	"Hardly," I smiled.  "Though I haven't played in years."

	"Probably since the last time we played," he guessed.

	"Good guess," I commented.

	"Not really a guess," he smiled.  "I know you.  You're too busy being an
adult most of the time to have fun." He reached over, patted my stomach, and
took my beer, taking a sip of his own.  "Besides, you need to work off that
beer-gut."

	"Beer-gut, huh?" I smirked with one eyebrow raised in its typical sardonic
fashion.  I turned to Alyssa, who still rested comfortably in my arms.  "I
think Daddy needs a spanking.  What do you think?"

	She smiled an impossibly huge smile and nodded her head vehemently.  Jeff's
jaw dropped.  "I can't believe you'd turn my own child against me," he
teased me.  "And you," he growled playfully at Alyssa, "I can't believe you
want Daddy  to get a spanking."

	"You heard the lady," I told him, and before he had time to react, I leaned
forward and scooped him over my free shoulder, almost dropping him on his
ass as I tried to shift my center of balance to accommodate.

	Alyssa cooed gleefully as she "paddled" him.  "Hey!" I shouted to the
others.  "Anybody else have anything they want to get back at him for?"

	"The possibilities are endless," Nick laughed.

	"I try to have a little fun with you, and this is the thanks I get," he
laughed as he tumbled over my shoulder.

	"Fortunately for you, Kathy's already attested to the contrary, or I'd
definitely be using the `little' remark against you."

	"You wouldn't," he protested before smiling, "Yeah, you would."

	"So?  Touch `foo-ball' it is," Nick mimicked.  "What are the teams?"

	"Who's playing?" Drew asked as he joined us.

	"I want to play," Jess smiled.

	"Oh, boy, the girls are playing," Justin laughed from his spot on the
swing.

	I just smiled evilly.  "Okay, Curly said he's playing." He mouthed the word
"bitch" at me.

	Drew gave Lea puppy-dog eyes, and she sighed, smiling a "yes" in his
direction.

	"We're cheerleaders," the twins said in unison, most likely remembering the
mud baths both of them had suffered the last time we all played football.

	"Should we split up the girls to try to balance this?" Nick offered,
instantly earning an elbow in the gut from Jessica.  "Oh, honey," he
schmoozed, "I just didn't think it was fair to put that much natural ability
on one team.  Us guys wouldn't have a chance."

	"Did you buy a word of that?" Lea grinned at her.

	"Not a one," Jess smirked.

	Coming to my cousin's defense, I stepped in front of him and tossed my free
arm over his shoulders.  "But he has to get an `A' for effort, at least."

	"More like a `P' for pathetic," Drew offered, his fraternal instincts being
tossed aside in favor of the scent of blood in the water.

	"How bout this?" I suggested.  "We can leave both sets of lovebirds
together.  I'll take Justin and Jeff."

	"Sounds fair to me," Justin smiled.

	"Uh-huh," Nick muttered.  "I'm sure." That got him another belt in the
stomach from Jess.

	"What about the pregosaur?" Jeff grinned.

	"The pregosaur is just fine, thank you," Kathy yelled from her spot on the
couch.

	"I think you guys are at a severe disadvantage," Drew grinned.  "I think
maybe Alyssa might help you out."

	I smiled at her.  "You know?  I think you're right."

	We all took our places, and I snapped the ball to Justin.  His fancy
footwork kept both Jessica and Lea at bay while Nick covered me.  Jeff
sprung over Drew, and Justin seized the opportunity to spiral the ball into
the open arms, earning us a quick touchdown.

	Lea snapped the ball to Drew, who threw it to Jessica.  Nick wasn't able to
block both Jeff and I, so when he wove in front of me, Jeff took the
opening, grabbing a running Alyssa from the sidelines and holding her in his
outstretched arms so that she could tag Jessica.

	Justin snapped the ball to Jeff, who passed it to Alyssa, who gleefully ran
the wrong way.  With some coaching from Dad and the twins, she turned the
right direction, and all three of us made a wall of defense in front of her.
  Justin shoved Drew back, Jeff grabbed both of the girls around the waist,
and I leaned into Nick's charge, grabbing his upper legs and picking him up.
  After two or three more side-treks, Alyssa managed to make it into the
special "in-zone" we declared for her.

	"The kid's a natural," I laughed, using the shirt I had pulled off earlier
to wipe the sweat from my brow.

	"I'd say she's got more talent than the rest of you," a female voice said
from inside the house.  It took a minute to register that it wasn't Kathy
who'd spoken.

	I tried desperately not to lose the smile from my face, but it defied me,
taking the same course of action as my now turned stomach, knotting up
against my revulsion.  All I could manage was "Hello, Gail."

	"Hello, Matthew," she curtly replied.

	I could hear Curly behind me, "Who is Gail?"

	When the twins saw her, they ran towards her, ecstatically screaming, "AUNT
GAIL!"

	"Never mind," Justin amended.

	"Gail is Matt's sister-in-law," Drew explained.  "She's Ashley's older
sister."

	I had barely noticed that Kathy had walked outside and now stood beside me.
  "So, the ice queen cometh."

	"I take it there's a bad history here I'm not privy to," Justin deduced.

	"Besides the obvious," Nick answered him, leaning over to pick up Alyssa,
"that she's always hated Matt's guts, and the feeling's mutual."

	"Then what's she doing here?" Justin asked.

	"Good question," I bit.  "What are you doing here, Gail?  Don't you and
that pit viper husband of yours have small animals to sacrifice somewhere
else?"

	"Very amusing," she sneered.  "I came to see my girls."

	"Girls," I suggested, "why don't you go get us some drinks?"

	"I don't want anything," Gail maliciously smiled.

	"Well, I do," I countered.  "Get the rest of us something to drink."

	"Okay," Colleen replied with exaggerated effort, aware of the tension that
had manifested.  She grabbed Caitlin, still gaping, into the house.

	"First off," I began, "let's get one thing straight.  They're my girls."

	"They are my sister's children."

	"That's awfully convenient when it suits you.  That might have made a
flying fuck's difference to me after Ashley died, but you were too busy with
your decadent lifestyle to dirty your hands with me or my children.  What do
you want, Gail?"

	"I don't want anything from you," she spat.

	"That's funny," I honestly did almost laugh.  "Especially considering that
since your folks died and you got the money I gave to them, you've turned up
on the society page almost as much as you've turned up in strange men's
beds."

	Looks of total shock gripped everyone's faces.  Gail just laughed.  "Some
things never change, do they?"

	"You tell me.  Only you and your plastic surgeon know the truth."

	"Ah, yes.  The name-calling continues," she grinned.  "And here I thought I
could come here and have a discussion with a real man."

	"Don't you dare try to make me the bad guy, you pretentious bitch.
Considering you called your own sister `a fucking whore,' I suddenly don't
feel the need to take the moral high ground with you.  Besides, the only
real man around here is you, because you've got some balls of steel showing
up here."

	"I go where I please, particularly where my nieces are concerned."

	"Awfully upright of you, considering you've seen them exactly twice since
their births, the occasion of both being the funeral of one of your parents.
  And exactly why is it that your parents would hear from me on a weekly
basis, but you were persona non gratis for six years until you got arrested
and thrown into prison for basically being town drunk and town slut all
rolled up into one soon-to-be silicon-filled little package."

	"I should have known better than to have come here," she snarled.

	"Yes, you should have.  Glad you stopped by.  Tell Satan I said hello, and
make it even longer between visits, Abby," I smiled.

	She stopped cold, her anger evident in her posture at being called the
nickname she'd had since childhood.  The girls walked out about that time
with trays of drinks.  Gail stroked Caitlin's cheek and resumed her pace
towards the door.

	"Jesus, Matt," Justin commented.  "I've never seen you like that."

	"He's never like that around anyone but her," Kathy interjected.  "Of
course, can you blame him?  I would exactly welcome the woman who tried to
kill me into my house with open arms."

	"WHAT?" Justin asked in shock.

	"Nick, you know this story.  Why don't you take the girls out for some ice
cream or something?" I suggested.

	"I was just thinking that very thing," he smiled as he caught my keys in
one hand.  "Come on, you two," he yelled to them from across the backyard.
Jessica started a side conversation with Colleen about school, and once they
were gone, I felt able to continue on unhampered.

	I lifted Alyssa into my arms and suggested that we go into the house.  Jeff
and Kathy went into the kitchen to fix something to eat, and Drew and Lea
sat on the loveseat.  This story wasn't exactly new or noteworthy for anyone
but Curly.

	"Gail St. John, as she likes to call herself now, was born Abigail
McDonnell.  She's Ashley's older sister, as I said, and she hates me more
than anyone else in this world, because I'm the only connection that the
prim-and-proper lawyer's wife has to `Abby,' the girl she used to be.  Abby
was a hellcat, to say the least.  She was a wild child who experimented with
absolutely everything--sex, drugs, alcohol, prostitution, you name it," I
began.

	"She was the absolute antithesis of everything Ashley was," Kathy cut in.
"Ashley was sweet, kind, understated, and beautiful.  She never did a thing
in her life to hurt anyone.  That wasn't in her nature.  She was the light
of her parent's eyes.  Basically, she was everything that Abby never was."

	"The two of them were like two very different sides of the same coin.
Ashley adored her sister, while Abby detested hers," I elaborated.  "When
Ashley became pregnant, even under the circumstances that it had been under,
her parents quickly became the doting grandparents.  Abby grew jealous, and
she cut the brake lines on our car to try to kill us, though we could never
prove it."

	Justin's mouth dropped.  Incapable of speech, he scooted to the edge of his
chair.  "She really tried to kill you," Justin finally managed to state more
than ask.

	"Stick around," Kathy said flatly.  "It's about to get better."

	"What happened?" Justin asked, terrified of the truth in Kathy's words.

	"Her parents threw her out of the house.  She blamed Ashley and broke into
our house soon after.    She stabbed Ashley in the leg with a kitchen knife
and tried to kill her, but I came home from work and found her.  I subdued
her and called the police.  Unfortunately, when it came down to the wire,
Ashley couldn't testify against her sister, and she begged me not to
either."

	"Then what?" Justin asked.

	"Ashley never saw her sister again.  It wasn't until after the girls were
born that Abby returned to my life.  She blamed Ashley for her parents'
disowning her, and she turned the blame to me since she couldn't hurt Ash
anymore.  Basically," I surmised, "she blamed me for Ashley dying without
giving her a chance at revenge."

	"She's really that sick?" Justin wondered.

	"Hang on," Kathy sickly nodded.  "There's more."

	"More?" Justin mouthed.  Drew just nodded his head.

	"When their parents died, their estate was left to me and the girls.  She
hired a lawyer, her soon-to-be-husband, Phillip, who dragged me into court
as part of a wrongful death suit.  It didn't hold water, but it somehow gave
him enough ammunition to get the other judge to award my part of the
inheritance to her.  I really thought that would have been the end of it."

	Justin's eyes grew wide as saucers, but he said nothing while I continued
the tale.  "Then came the clincher, she tried to run over me." Justin fell
off the chair in utter amazement.  "She was arrested, but with some fancy
finesse on Phillip's part, and, a guess on my part, some padding with Abby's
money, she was declared to be insane and institutionalized."

	"So why's she out walking the streets?"

	"The same reasons she didn't go to the penitentiary, I suspect.  Either
way, she and Phillip got married, she had some plastic surgery and began
going my Gail, and the world was none the wiser.  Somehow, most of the
records that connect Gail St. John with Abigail McDonnell have vanished."

	"But what does she want now?" Drew added.

	"I don't know," I confessed.  "It's not the first time she's made an effort
to get back into the girls' lives, for whatever reasons are stirring around
in that head of hers, but she hasn't traditionally gone for the frontal
assault approach."

	"I'd sleep with one eye open," Kathy suggested.

	"Yeah, like I really want to have to deal with her right now," I said
sarcastically.  "That's exactly what I need at this point in my life."

	"She's said her piece," Drew commented.  "She's always lost interest
before.  Why should things be different now?"

	"Something's changed.  Her arrogance was somehow different, like she's got
the upper hand.  I need to be ready for anything, because she'll attack
soon.  Patience was never one of her virtues."

	"Virtue has never been one of her virtues," Kathy added.  We all started
laughing, and Nick and Jessica came back with the girls.

	"So, what did you get?" I smiled at them, as I hopped up, trying to change
the conversation quickly enough that the girls wouldn't sense my concern.
We descended into small-talk for the rest of the afternoon before I saw
everyone off at the airport.


	The next few days were much less eventful.  The girls were back at school,
and Kathy was back at work.  Justin had stuck around to lend moral support,
but I was surprised to find that I didn't need it as much as either of us
thought I would.  I'd resolved myself to move on with my life, even if it
had to be one without JC.

	Scott had managed to pull enough strings that, at my request, the Nursing
Board had rescheduled the hearing I had missed in October.  I had stayed at
home long enough, and if I didn't have much of a personal life to focus on
anymore, I might as well throw myself back into my career.

	Scott and Kathy both wanted to come, but both were working, so I intended
to go alone.  I wasn't sure if I really felt up to company if this didn't go
well anyway.  Regrettably, I wouldn't have the chance to decide, because
Curly pretty much insisted he was going.  We left early in the morning,
since the drive to Nashville took around three hours.

	We waited, he rather patiently and me rather otherwise, for them to call me
into room.  I knew they were calling witnesses both for and against my
character and my nursing skills.  It was one of those awkward situations
where you're terrified what someone else might say about you.

	"You know, Curly," I fidgeted, "there's got to be something more exciting
in Nashville to do than sit here watching my palms sweat."

	A secretary hung up the phone and without moving from her desk told us that
they were finishing up with the last witness now and that they'd be with me
a minute.  Justin just smiled, "I don't know, watching you have a coronary's
probably about the most exciting thing at the moment.  Relax, you'll be
fine."

	"You think?" I questioned his certainty.

	"I kno . . . ," his voice trailed off, his eyes vacant as though he'd seen
a ghost.

	I spun behind me to see what had captured his attention so completely.  My
mouth agape, I could only manage one incredulous word.  "Josh?"


TO BE CONTINUED . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


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